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“Cardan, jump, jump!” Oak implored. “The little man refuses to obey my command!” Cardan exclaimed.
“That’s because you’re pressing the wrong button.”
Jude watched her little brother try to teach the High King of Elfhame Super Mario Bros. Cardan looked more focused than Jude had possibly ever seen him as he sat on the floor in front of the tv with her little brother. It turned out trying to teach a fey who had never touched a remote before today, how to play video games was harder than expected. Cardan and Jude were visiting Vivi, Heather, and Oak in the human world for the weekend. It was a sunny Monday morning and Oak had decided to try and teach Cardan how to use the Wii before he had to go to school.
Jude sprawled on the couch in her pajamas watching the comedy show before her unfold as she snacked on a bag of Doritos. Though she preferred the Fey world to the human one, she couldn’t deny that MSG packed, sodium filled, junk food, was better than any food Elfhame had to offer.
“Oak, time to shut down the tv and grab your backpack. We are leaving in five minutes!” Vivi called from the other room.
The little boy let out a disappointed sigh as he turned off the television and stood up. “We can play more when I get home from school,” he told his uncle before darting off to his room.
Jude watched her husband collapse on his back with a groan.
“Have fun?” she asked sarcastically.
“That might have been the hardest thing I have ever done. I think I even preferred being a snake to that cursed game.”
Jude couldn’t keep a soft smile from spreading across her face. “Thank you for playing with him.” It touched her heart to see Cardan spend time with her little brother.
“Of course,” his dark eyes met hers. “I love the little imp.”
Vivi strolled into the room, collapsing on the couch next to Jude before pulling a hand held mirror and eyeliner pencil out of a bright pink makeup bag. As she began outlining her eyes,
Cardan sat up and faced her. “What is that?” he asked.
“Uh eyeliner?” Vivi replied.
“I know that, I have just never seen it in that form.” It wasn’t that Cardan wasn’t familiar with makeup. In fact, he probably wore makeup more often than Jude did. However, the makeup in Elfhame was different. Eyeliner was just applied with sticks of coal. Lipstick was applied like paint, and fey often just used colored loose powders. Human makeup was definitely more convenient and easier to use.
“Oh yeah, I guess it is pretty different from fey makeup,” Vivi mused. “I get mine at Sephora.”
“Sephora?”
“It’s a store. I go to the one at the mall down the street.”
“What’s a mall?”
“Um, it’s like, a big building full of stores,” Vivi tried to explain.
“Interesting,” Cardan mused.
“Jude could take you,” Vivi gestured to her sister.
“I can?” Jude asked.
“Well yeah, it’s not like you guys had any plans today.”
“I guess not,” Jude replied. “Okay, we can go.”
An hour later the High King and Queen of Elfhame had gotten dressed in plain mortal clothes and walked over to the mall. Cardan stared at the giant building in awe. “This place is practically the size of the castle,” he said.
Jude couldn’t help but chuckle a bit at this. It was always fun to watch him discover new things about the human world. The two of them walked in through the automatic sliding doors and were hit by a wave of air conditioning, the chatting of shoppers, and some old pop song playing on the speakers. Jude watched her husband's face as his eyes widened in awe. “So my sisters and I usually start at the food court. It’s just up the elevator,” Jude stated, gesturing in front of them.
“Is elevator the name for the enchanted staircase?” Cardan asked genuinely.
Jude tried to hide her smile, “Yes, yes it is.”
Once they got to the food court it took Cardan quite a while to decide what food to get. To be fair, the options were a bit overwhelming. Eventually Cardan settled upon pizza. He had grown very fond of it on their expeditions to the human world. The king got four slices with different toppings on each one. “I will never understand how you can eat so much without gaining a pound,” Jude stated, as her husband scarfed down his food. “I can’t imagine how much weight I would gain if I ate like you.”
“Why would that be a problem?” Cardan asked genuinely.
Jude scoffed, “I’m already thicker then pretty much all the women in fairy. I don’t need to get any bigger.” It wasn’t that Jude was insecure often, but it was hard not to be when you were different from everyone around you. She really was not even heavy by human standards. She was muscular and fit, but she did have soft curves that would be considered beautiful by most human standards, but did stand out in Elfhame.
Cardan set down his food, “You are more beautiful than all of them, my sweet nemesis.”
Hearing that and knowing he could not lie made Jude blush. “Finish your food,” she replied with a smile.
After they ate they stopped by a sunglasses stand that caught Cardan’s eye. He spent way too long, by Jude’s standards trying on almost every pair they had. He stopped to check his reflection with every pair. Jude rolled her eyes as she noticed the sales woman flirting with Cardan the whole time. She was leaning in far closer than she needed to, twirling her hair and over complimenting him continuously. Jude did find it funny though how Cardan never seemed to notice the woman’s attempts, too focused on finding the perfect sunglasses.
“Those look perfect on you!” the woman told him. “They suit your face shape perfectly!” She batted her eyes and rested her hand on his arm for no good reason. However, he seemed to barely notice her presence.
“Jude, what do you think?” he asked, turning to his wife.
“Looks good,” she said. Honestly, they all looked the same to her.
The sales woman seemed annoyed after awhile that he couldn’t seem to pick up on her flirting and tried even harder. “They really do suit a sexy guy like you!” This time she stepped even closer and tried putting her hand on his chest. Jude had had enough. At first it was entertaining watching this woman make a fool of herself, but now she was taking it too far.
Jude stepped between the two of them, glaring daggers at the woman before her. Quickly she shoved just enough money in the sales woman's hand to buy the pair Cardan was currently wearing and turned to her lover, “Okay, you’re getting that pair, let’s go.” With that she grabbed his hand and began dragging him off as he protested that he wanted to try on one more pair. “Nope,” she argued, “those are fine.”
After trudging in silence for a while the High King asked, “Are you mad at me?”
“No,” Jude replied without looking his way. “Then what is wrong?”
“That woman just sure had a lot of nerve,” she growled.
“Wait,” Cardan stopped her, turning her to look at him. “Are you jealous?”
“What? Of course not!”
“Liar,” he smiled.
“Wipe that smirk off your face, you don’t need to look so happy about it,” she grumbled.
“My darling god,” he took her chin between his fingers gently, tilting her face up towards his, “I only have eyes for you.”
No matter how long Jude spent with Cardan, she would never be used to his compliments. “Enough of that,” she said, pushing his hand away playfully, “we are in public you know.”
The man sighed, "You humans are such prudes.”
Cardan’s eyes were wide with wonder as the couple strolled through the mall. He asked many questions like, “Why were people throwing coins into that fountain? Why was a store selling clothes for animals? How was music playing through the mall when there were no musicians here?” Honestly, answering all his questions was starting to get a bit irritating but Jude did her best to stay patient with him.
Eventually he stopped walking to stare at something. Jude followed his gaze to see he was fixated on none other than Victoria’s Secret. “Jude,” the young King paused, “Please allow me to purchase a garment for you from this establishment,” he practically begged.
“Seriously?” she asked with a playful roll of her eyes.
He stared at her with his dark pleading eyes. She sighed, “I’ll think about it. For now let’s keep walking.”
He seemed to accept it and began to move forward, just happy for her to at least consider his gift. Though Jude acted exasperated it did really bring her joy when he expressed his attraction towards her. Honestly, she often still had trouble believing Cardan Greenbriar of all people could want her so desperately.
The two of them stopped to browse in a few stores. Cardan seemed to find Hot Topic especially interesting, a fact that entertained Jude, though it didn’t surprise her. While she was browsing through some jewelry there, Cardan came around the corner, excitement in his eyes and a t- shirt in his hand. “Look!” he exclaimed. “It is the show you like to watch on the television!”
Jude looked at the image on the shirt he was holding. It was merch for Yuri on Ice, an old favorite anime of hers that she did seem to rewatch whenever they visited the human world. It was adorable that Cardan saw it and thought of her. “Let me purchase this for you?” he asked.
Jude had a very hard time accepting gifts. Growing up in fairy nothing came for free. There was always a catch. You always ended up owing something. However, Jude was trying harder to trust when it came to Cardan. She hesitated a moment before finally agreeing to accept his gift. It was only after Cardan walked up to the counter and began trying to figure out how to pay that Jude wondered where he had gotten cash. She probably didn’t want to know.
Finally, their last stop was at Sephora. The moment they walked through the doors Cardan’s face lit up with glee. His eyes devoured the aisles of products with a manic desperation. Jude trailed after him with a small grin on her face as he examined each item with excitement. As soon as he found the baskets he grabbed one and began filling it up. “Whoa there,” Jude interrupted him, “do you really need all that?”
“Jude, there is nothing like this in fairy!” he exclaimed. “So I need to gather all I can now.”
“Ok, but do you really need it all?” she asked, going through his basket. “Like this,” she held up a box of toner.”
“It is suppose to make your skin clearer,” he explained as if she didn’t know.
“But Cardan, your skin is already perfect! You really don’t need it! Plus, all this shit is expensive. We can’t afford it all.”
“Jude my love, we are the high king and queen of Elfame, of course we can afford it.”
“Well, we can't exactly pay with gold and jewels here,” she told him. “We only have so much cash on us.”
With a sigh he put back the toner… only to pick up a box of glitter next to it. Jude gave up on trying to stop him after that. If they had to enchant some leaves to look like cash she could let it slide just this once.
After what felt like a life time to Jude, Cardan had finally sorted through every inch of the store, and had two whole baskets of products to buy. He stepped up to the counter where a young woman was manning the register. As he set the items on the counter he asked the woman, “If the alchemist who created these items is here at the moment I’d like to give him my thanks.”
The clerk looked confused for a moment before assuming it was a bad joke and gave a forced laugh, only to have Cardan stare at her with a completely blank expression. Jude stepped in before things could get more awkward than they already were. “Sorry, he’s such a jokester,” she told the woman before stepping in front of Cardan to pay herself. Thankfully, they had just enough cash on them to cover the cost, though they used up everything they had for their visit to the human world.
As the couple walked home Cardan begged his wife to let him give her a makeover when they got home. She bickered with him playfully but eventually gave in. He always made her look fabulous anyway, even if washing it all off always ended up being a huge chore.
After a few minutes of comfortable silence Cardan began to speak. “You know, I always thought of the human world as a drab and boring place. I really had no interest in visiting, let alone exploring it. However, today has shown me that it may be more interesting than I originally suspected.”
“Trust me, there is so much more craziness I could show you,” Jude teased.
The king grinned, “I look forward to it.”