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I. Sterling’s best friends name was Zoe Monroe. She lived next door to him and he liked her because she always bullied him and his other friends into playing soccer with them at recess. ‘Soccer isn’t for girls’, they’d jeer at her, and she’d kick the ball straight into the goal. She had reddish hair that was cut short, curling just beneath her ears. She always had dirt on her face that blended in with her freckles and her green eyes were always bright and daring and she liked to pin him down when they hung out when he wouldn’t let her watch what she wanted. And Sterling loved her.
II. It didn’t come as a surprise when Sterling and Monroe started dating - she rarely went by Zoe anymore, but Sterling could still get away with calling her it from time to time - and he was on cloud nine. Her hair was much longer now, usually kept in a tight braid because it would get in the way when she played lacrosse, but she let it down when they hung out, framing her face and making her look delicate, but Sterling knew she could still kick his ass. He held her hand at school, and if he had a letter jacket, he’d give it to her to wear, but she had her own, so he didn’t have to worry about that. He liked the moments they were alone the best, kissing in his room, his hand down her pants, experiencing more parts of her before anyone else. And Sterling loved her.
III. The problem with dating your best friend is when she stops you just before you’re about to have sex and blurt out she’s a lesbian, there’s an ego blow you weren’t expecting. Sterling, in a fit of rage, outed her to the entire school and told her they couldn’t be friends anymore. He was hurt and embarrassed like any fifteen year old boy would be when his girlfriend says they don’t want to have sex with him. He would see her at school, hanging out with John Murphy now, since her team wanted nothing to do with her now that she was out as a lesbian and Sterling’s friends all backed him up. And Sterling hated her.
IV. When you grow up next door to someone your whole life, there’s a routine you fall into, and even after three months of ignoring it, someone’s always bound to fall back into the slipstream. Sterling was headed to the parking lot when he spotted Monroe talking to Murphy, mentioning something about having to wait later for a ride home because she missed the bus. Sterling changed his direction, hovering just behind her, and Murphy shot him a death glare. “The fuck do you want?” Monroe turned around to look at him, a look of sadness splashing across her face.
“Want a ride?” His tongue felt thick in his mouth, but Monroe nodded anyway, and followed him to his car. They rode without talking, Sterling’s shitty white boy rap filling the otherwise silent car. He pulled into his driveway. parking and looking over at Monroe, who was looking pointedly out the window. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told the whole school.”
“You shouldn’t have.” Her voice was hard, but there was an undeniable sadness behind them. He reached out to touch her braid - it didn’t look quite right, and he recalled watching Murphy trying to braid it at lunch. “You were my best friend, and I needed you more than ever. And you just….” She shook her head, looking over at him. “I didn’t expect you to do that to me.” Sterling swallowed hard.
“I know. I really fucked up, Roe. I was hurt and embarrassed, but God I miss you so much I’d do anything to go back and not do any of the shitty things I did.” Her face remained stony as she watched him talk, until slowly, her shoulders fell and she leaned her head against Sterling’s shoulder. They sat there for minutes, and it was like the last three months of them being apart didn’t happen. “I tried to hate you. It just made me miss you more,”
V. The funny thing about karma is, it will always come back around to bite you in the ass. Sterling found himself lying in his basement bedroom in a near panic attack, and all he could do was text Monroe to come over - he needed her now. Soon enough he heard the small window open and Monroe was next to him, stroking his hair and trying to calm him down. It was probably ironic, calling over his best friend who he completely alienated because she was gay because he was in the middle of a gay panic. But there was no one else. There never had been. “What’s wrong, Sterling?” She placed a soft kiss to his forehead. “You’re okay - deep breaths.” When some of the panic subsided, he took a shaky breath.
“Karma finally caught up with me,” he gasped, letting her rest his head in her lap. “Fuck me,” Monroe laughed softly through her nose.
“What do you mean?” Sterling closed his eyes - he already felt on the verge of tears.
“I was so shitty to you when you told me you were gay. And now…” he trailed off, squeezing his eyes shut while Monroe silently raked her fingers through his hair. “Zoe…” her hand paused for a moment, but continued. “I really like Bellamy.” He heard her shift a little. “Like… a lot. Like, we absolutely had sex. And I don’t…. know what I’m doing or what I’m feeling or what I am or anything,” His voice had cracked halfway through the sentence and he was crying and Monroe was shushing him soothingly, resting her hands on either side of his face.
“Sterling,” he could hear her smile a little bit. “It’s okay. You don’t have to know. That’s the great part about being a teenager. We don’t have to know anything.” He opened his eyes to look at her through the blur of tears, and she was smiling at him. “You’re Sterling. If you like boys, that’s okay. If you like girls, that’s okay. If you like both, that’s double okay.” He smiled a little, and she seemed pleased that she got him to smile. “Pick up your head,” She laid down next to him, slipping her fingers into his. He looked at their hands for a moment, and then looked back up to her. Her green eyes were sparkling hopefully, smiling softly at him. Her freckles were so stark it was unthinkable that he could ever mix them up with flecks of dirt. Her hair was in a ponytail, a small braid in her hair. Murphy was still practicing. He couldn’t help but smile a little bit to himself. “I love you, you know,” And she beamed at him.