Chapter Text
John Wade claimed himself as the embodiment of death, wrath, justice and retribution..he was cruel, sadistic and brutal with each murder he committed and relished in it.
John was used to the feeling of pain being inflicted upon him since he was very young, his mother's verbal abuse, his father's neglect, his foster father's cruelty, those nasty bastards at the High School that spat venom with cruel remarks towards him and stared like he was a piece of shit on the bottom of their shoes.
Madison, his long lost little sister, was the only light in that fucking hell hole of a school.
John had been beatened down all his life and the fire that was started as some 'joke' to mess with him had took so much more of his life, a life he barely had to begin with but a life that he had hoped to be able to change for the better if things went his way just once.
John had survived the fire though he wished for a long time that he hadn't, wishing that he had died in the roaring blaze of flames.
No one had even looked for his body and no one had even mourned for him, John was a no one and in result his memory died with in that fire.
He was so angry, John had been good..so utterly good and did what he could for others and yet life hated him even since he was a child, life had made sure he suffered.
Life turned its back on John and the world kept turning even though it had left him behind, he was tired of it, so tired of being seen as weak even though he used so much of his strength to restrained himself for so long, pushing down the urges that made his fingers itch badly to grab a screwdriver and jab it into those fucking jocks' eye sockets whenever they gave him a glare.
John wanted to yank their eyes out and watch their sockets spew blood, he wanted to hear them scream in agony and wanted to crush their eye balls under his boot but he restrained himself. Kept his head down and trudged back to the janitor's room that he called home.
John wanted them all to feel what they had put him through, to crush them all under his boot like they had to him.
So..he did.
John let his cruelty go free and his outfit was frequently soaked with gore from their savaged bodies as a result, he recorded their deaths with pure sadistic glee so he could replay his favorite moments of their slaughterings over and over and over again. They called him a monster, an evil bastard but he didn't care to fight those titles anymore, in fact, he welcomed them with open arms and made sure to be even worse than what they claimed him to be.
The Pale Grin was who he was, the monster of Happyhills.
John knew after everything that had happened to him that he couldn't enjoy the pleasures that a regular person could, his face and most of his body was severely scarred with burns and he had been officially announced deceased to the public. Plus, he had let his desires of violence go wild and he wouldn't dare cage those beasts again like he had before for so fucking long.
John knew he couldn't be a normal man because of who he is..yet you still treated him like he was.
Why?
Why why why?
Why would you willingly let him in? He's a monster that the people of Happyhills rightfully feared and his hands only knew cruelty for that was all he was taught.. but you yearned for his hands to hold yours, you shameless admired his hands for their strength but all he could see was the nasty burns and blood.
You weren't even on his list to kill, you were just an unfortunate soul that just so happened to be targeted by one of the bullies that hurt John and had since turned to a life of crime, breaking and entering into homes and stealing valuables.
John stalked his target, Alex, as he stalked you for a long while, watching your every movement and quickly learned your routine so he could plan when the perfect time to break in would be.
Along the way of secondaryly learning about you, something had stirred within John when he had watched you for hours while he stalked Alex to keep his eyes on him and you had made him feel a bit fuzzy and warm which were feelings he wasn't very used, he hadn't paid any mind on it for long, wanting to stay focused on the plan because the need to feel flesh beneath his fingers and rip someone apart until they were nothing but puzzle pieces of limbs and organs was far too great.
When the opportunity presented itself on a cold stormy night, John crept into your home with ease a couple of minutes before Alex would make his way in so John can find a good place to set his camera up and hide, which made a sense of pity for you form a little bit due to how easy John was able to get into your quaint home, pitying how you put a little too much trust in the world to get proper security.
John planned to attack Alex and brutally kill him in your home, John had hoped that he could get your reaction to the violent murder on film so he could get a good chuckle out of some ear piercing screams of terror alongside the screams of agony Alex will obviously let out.
John had found your home quite nice, the signs of it being lived in was evident through some nick knacks scattered about but still, the home looked to be tidy enough to not seem messy, your home smelled of cedar and cinnamon which was a clear sign of a candle having been lit earlier to bring in an autumn scent to your humble abode. It was warm and welcoming, his eyes lingered on the small Halloween decorations you had set up as the holiday drew closer and it made him wonder if you were possibly just as much of a fan of the holiday as he was..
Before John could get too distracted, John entered your living room and scanned the room with the intent to find a good place to set his camera up to get a good view of the events that were going to unfold. John wanted it to be perfect, so after noting the hallway that he knew led to to your bedroom and bathroom and the placement of your couch and so on..he placed the camera on a shelf, careful to not make too much noise nor to harm his precious camera.
His eyes lingered on the photos on the wall above the shelf he set his camera on and studied your joyous smile in the group photo with who he presumed were friends, his lips had twitched upwards a little bit once he saw a photo of you playing with a large dog that looked to be a Rottweiler.
A loyal breed, strong protectors who were stereotyped to be violent brutes due to film portrayals and the cruelty of man.
The photo was able to capture the loving look you gave for the dog and that made the feeling of warmth come back, tilting his head to the side as he stared just a bit longer than he should've before hearing Alex make his way in from the back door. John stood there and listened to Alex rummage around for a moment before purposefully knocking over a small glass bowl off the shelf so his plan can get started, slinking into the darkness of the hallway he noticed earlier and stalked down it. Hiding in the bathroom just before he heard the door of your bedroom quietly creak open.
You had been startled awake at the sound of glass breaking and stumbled out of bed after a moment of trying to clear yourself of grogginess, you made your way to the living room. Cursing yourself for earlier placing a small glass bowl on the counter knowing it was far too close to the edge, yet you still believed it wouldn't fall which was dumb on your part to think.
You weren't expecting to see a guy dressed in dark clothes to be standing there, he stood frozen for a few seconds as you both just stared at one another before quickly pulling a small knife out from his pocket and aimed it towards you.
"Hands up and don't fucking move." He demanded and you listened, not moving an inch from where you stood, "Hey..man come on.." you whispered, glancing between the man's eyes and the knife as you slowly rose your hands in the air like instructed, "You don't gotta do this.." your voice was gentle yet still had a soft tremble to it.
The intruder's jaw clenched and he gripped the knife's handle tighter, "Shut it, I don't want to hear that bullshit. Just keep your fucking hands up..Fucking.." he muttered something to himself at the end that you couldn't quite hear, his eyes frantically looked around before landing back on you with a paranoid glint in his dark eyes. "You live alone?" You hesitate for a moment to answer, swallowing thickly, you nod slowly.
Your home had all the evidence of someone living alone, a couple pair of shoes by the door that shared the same size, one black coat hanging on the coat hanger, one ruby red umbrella in the umbrella holder and so on… if he caught you in a lie there would be absolutely no telling what he would do to you in retaliation, "Yeah, I live alone.." you answered truth and that seemed to put him at ease..only for a split moment however as he quickly tensed up and stepped closer.
"Bullshit!"
You blinked in confusion and can't help but flinch as he waved his knife as he spoke, "You think I'm stupid? There's a trail of muddy shoe prints by the back door! They're too big to be yours so that means there's someone else in this fucking house!" More confusion filled you at his words, what the fuck was he talking about? There wasn't any shoe prints near the back door and if there was you probably would've cleaned it up once seeing it but the only shoe prints you had cleaned that day were at the front door because of the storm that had been going on all day which caused you to track in mud on accident when coming home from the store.
"I-I don't know what you're talking about-"
"Fuck off with all that! Where the fuck are they? Huh?"
More fear polluted you and your heartbeat picked up speed as the man grew more erratic and panicked by your 'lies', sweat formed on your forehead from the anxiety and growing panic brewing inside of you. "I fucking swear to you there's no one else in this house, I only recently moved here man I..I don't have friends or..or fucking any family around..." your anxiety was making you ramble, giving more information than you should be sharing with this clearly unstable man.
You could hear the rain hitting the window hard, the storm outside seemed to have grown worse and it caused your panicking mind to realize that there was a big chance that due to the storm, no one would be able to hear you scream for help because of how bad it was. You shuddered at the feeling of your skin prickling with goosebumps from the chilling thought and a queasy feeling twists in your lower stomach, was this the Pale Grin guy everyone was talking about? He couldn't be…it would be really underwhelming if he was.
The intruder went to accuse you further but a loud creak of a squeaky floorboard being stepped on shuts him up real fast and your breath hitched, pure dread pooled into your body because that creak had came from behind you.
"I fucking knew it, you couldn't fucking trick me! Whoever that is come the fuck out! Now!" He demanded with a yell and stared behind you into the dark hallway with an intense gaze.
After a moment of stillness, heavy footsteps could be heard getting closer and it caused your body to shake like a leaf because there was someone else inside your fucking house than just you and this intruder, who the fuck was it? Why were they in your house and for how long have they been inside? Your mind raced with paranoid thoughts, which made you feel a bit lightheaded from how fucking overwhelming this was.
Your eyes trained on the man's face to take note of his expressions because you were way too fear stricken to turn around to see who was hiding in the darkness of the hallway behind you.
That intense gaze the man had quickly disappeared.
His face scrunched up with confusion then… pure terror.
"H-Holy fucking shit-"
A large presence was felt behind you and a shiver ran up your spine, the urge to turn around grew greater but you kept still. The intruder in front of you started to tremble and his knife shook from his tremors, he took a fearful step back and shook his head.
"Holy fucking shit you're the fucking Pale Grin, oh fuck.."
You couldn't help yourself any longer as fearful curiosity plagued you to want to see the infamous Pale Grin that you heard hushed whispers about for weeks since moving in, slowly you lowered your hands as you wearily turned around to face the infamous serial killer and had to crane your head up to stare into the eye sockets of the pale clown mask adorn on his head.
The killer's interest was sparked the moment your eyes landed on him once you turned around fully, he saw the usual fear in your eyes but there was something else in those orbs of yours and it made that warm feeling from before when he stalked you burn even hotter and made him have to suppress a low grunt from escaping him.
The Pale Grin took a step forward and immediately you stepped backwards.
Everything was a blur after that.
There was blood all over the ground and splattered along the wall, guts spewed out from the corpse that laid still on the ground. You fought back vomiting out your dinner and stayed sitting on the couch where the serial had dragged you and set you down earlier, you trembled in fear and disgust from the gore before you but you couldn't tear your eyes away. Even if you did try to look or close them the Pale Grin would let out a loud grunt as a way of telling you to keep your eyes on the show he had put on for you and you didn't want to risk dying so you did as you were told, the intruder's blood curdling screams and the gurgling noises of him choking on his own blood were chilling to the bone.
The Pale Grin stood before the brutalized body, rolling his shoulders and dropping the blood soaked shard of glass from the glass bowl he had purposefully broken earlier, it hits the ground with a loud 'thunk!'. The killer's fists clenched, causing the joints of his fingers to pop and the noise of knuckles cracking filled the air. You let out a shaky breath and stared up at the tall brute, who slowly turned his attention towards you which made you shake even harder and a single tear roll down your cheek.
"P..Please.." You stuttered out, you watched as he turned towards a shelf and grabbing something you couldn't see but could only assume was something he was going to use to cave your skull in, you shook your head and snapped your eyes shut whilst you ducked your head in fear, "Please.." you repeated with a fearful whimper.
The Pale Grin aimed the Sony BMC-100 camcorder towards you which had been filming the entire time and had captured the brutal murder, another snuff home-made film to add to his growing collection.. but this one would have a little twist…
The blood covered brute had snatched your motorola dynamic 8000x earlier in the night and had stuffed it in his pocket because he didn't want you calling the cops in the middle of his killing, he took it out from the back pocket of his overalls as he walked towards you and made sure to show it to the camera once he made it to you. The large man slowly leaned down, the camera angled perfectly to film the harsh flinch you did when he used the chunky phone to lift your chin up, your tearful eyes fluttered open and stared up at the camera with fear and confusion swirling around in those pretty eyes of yours.
You sniffled and the killer let out a low grunt as he brought the phone in clear view for you to see, slowly wagging it side to side. You don't move to grab the phone which makes him huff in annoyance and he tapped it against your forehead suddenly which made you wince with a startled flinch, he wags it in front of you again. You hesitated for a moment before slowly taking the heavy phone into your grasp and once he knew you had a stable hold on it, he reached his now free gloved covered hand and patted the top of your head as if he was praising you, you tense up at the contact but made no move to pull away..for some odd reason it had actually relaxed you.
The Pale Grin slowly straightened up his back with his camera still trained on your face before finally he ended the recording.
The Pale Grin left you there and you had been stunned beyond belief by that, something odd had nestled its way into your bones and with shaky hands you had dialed 911.
The weeks that had followed afterwards had been a blur, that night hadn't been the last of you seeing the infamous monster of Happyhills and was not the last of his visits.
John had been incredibly distant with you as of late, it made your stomach twist and turn with anxiety and worry because you feared that maybe you had done something to upset him. John's constant visits to your home had become sparse until there were no visits at all, you knew that he was the Pale Grin and that meant he had to disappear for long periods of time here and there because he didn't want you to get involved if they somehow tailed him after a murder and found him entering your home without the intent to slaughter.
"I can't risk you being taken from me, you're the only thing I have left.."
You always worry about him, you couldn't help it, John was a tall, strong man who had many skills under his belt that would keep him alive if things went south but your heart still aches at the mere thought of him not coming back one day.
But this was obviously different, he hadn't stepped foot in your home for weeks, hadn't left any little gift somewhere in your home like he used to and hadn't made any attempt in communication.
It worried you immensely because it had suddenly started to happen after a late movie night of you two on the couch watching Killer Klowns from Outer Space because he had mentioned once that it was a childhood favorite of his, you remembered having fallen asleep on the couch and waking up in your bed the next morning with no John in sight.
Since then it had been radio silence.
It was odd to not seeing John going around your home and not finding him in his usual spots, your home was quiet..a bit too quiet for your liking, it unsettled you as if you were back to the days after John had first entered your home and killed a man. You were jumpy, skittish and just a bit too paranoid to be getting any good sleep. You hated how your brain shifted but John's sudden switch had unsettled something in your core, maybe it was your primal instinct for survival that made you uncomfortable but you also knew that John wouldn't just suddenly change his mind about your friendship and decide that you were going to be his next kill…
…Would he?
…
Even though your mind tried to make you think otherwise, you knew that he wouldn't. John was a kind man behind all those layers of his, a kind man that was tossed to the side by so many and you hated the thought that maybe you had done something to cause him to believe you were going to do the same.
You…You loved him too much to ever do that.
There was a lot of tension between you two since the night he had invaded your home and killed a man in your living room, at first it was just just pure curiosity and interest on both ends, something had kept pulling at John to come back to your house after the cops finally stopped coming around and things settled. The monster of Happyhills continued to watch you as days passed and something in you kept watching him back whenever you were able to catch him standing outside your window or when you noticed him following you when you went around town.
Having the infamous serial killer, the Pale Grin, stalking you but never making a move to kill you was both terrifying and a bit thrilling.
The Pale Grin had suddenly started leaving behind gifts on your backdoor step like some stray bringing a gift to the hand that fed it and you had rightfully hesitated about opening the gifts after bringing the well wrapped up gifts inside but when you did, you were surprised to find the small trinkets you had eyed at the store window earlier in the week.
He had watched you through the window of your kitchen when you opened the gifts and felt something stir in his belly, it made him feel far too warm and caused him to have to slip away into the darkness to calm himself down.
One night, the Pale Grin had the courage to not just leave the gifts and wait in the darkness of the shadows, he had stood there on your back porch holding a fragile gift in his hands. His head had turned towards the window that peered into your kitchen, watching you finish up the chore of doing dishes before you had noticed him stood there. The killer hadn't mind waiting for you to notice his presence because it had gave him time to watch your tongue poke out a little while you focused, cute.
After a couple of minutes, his head had turned back to your back door and glanced down at the handle that jiggled a little before the door creaked open, you stared up at him with the same curious nervousness you had when you both first met.
There was a pregnant moment of silence as you both stared at one another before you spoke, "Thank you for all the gifts, they're all so lovely..".
Oh..oh that made him shudder and his heart beat faster beneath his burnt flesh and ribcage, he nodded slowly a bit stunned by your words and silently offered the gift in his hands to you. Your eyes snapped down to it and he watched with hidden nervousness as you carefully took the gift from his large hands, your fingers touching each others as you did so which made you shiver slightly.
The gift had some heft to it which made you even more curious to what was hidden inside, you glanced between the towering man and your home before speaking once more.
"Would you like to come inside? We can open it together.."
How could he say no to that?
You had let the monster of Happyhills inside, welcoming him as if he was just any regular, normal man.
The Pale Grin had known the moment you welcomed him inside your warm home and opened the gift he had carefully wrapped, revealing that it was the same glass bowl he had broken the night he invaded your home (and bludgeoned a man to death) and thanked him with a warm smile, that he would not be able to stay away from you.
After a couple of months since you had let him inside, the Pale Grin had made it his routine to occupy the space in your home when he had been able to, either by having been invited in by you or when he invited himself inside, he had to admit that it had been quite funny seeing your startled expressions and yelps of surprise whenever he suddenly appeared in your abode without any sign that he arrived.
Sometimes he had gifts in tow when had he came by, other times he didn't, and then there were times where he brought himself in with bloody wounds.
That was when things had started to shift between you two.
After finding him on the tiled floor of your kitchen and bleeding out from pretty bad wounds, you had quickly gotten the first aid kit and rushed to his side with fear pumping through your veins.
It had been a struggle but with the help of the barely conscious killer you had been able to strip him of his blood soaked sweater and treated the deep stab wounds in his chest, his quiet grunts and groans of pain caused by the rubbing alcohol you had used to clean the wounds made you grimace and calmly reassured him that he was doing great and it would be over with soon.
You had stitched the split open flesh closed with practiced ease, "There.." you had whispered when you wiped away the blood that coated his front with a clean rag before you wrapped his wounds up with gauze and helped the large man up before he could fully clock out on you. It had been a struggle but you were able to get him to your living room to get him laid down on the couch because the floor definitely wouldn't have been comfortable to rest on. After you had helped him lay down, the urge to take his mask off had made your fingers twitch but you had a good feeling that wouldn't be a great idea so you didn't, opting to get him a old blanket from your closet and draped it over his body to keep his body temperature from being too low.
Of course when you had treated his wounds and helped him onto the couch you had noticed the severe burns all over his exposed body, it made your body grow cold from the thoughts of what could’ve happened to him to cause such vicious burns along his flesh, mauling his body with disfigurement, and when you pulled the thick blanket further up to cover his chest, a large hand gripped your wrist weakly.
The contact made you flinch but you didn't pull away, the masked man turned his head towards you and you both stared at one another like you had many nights ago at your back door. You sighed shakily, a shiver have ran up your spine when you finally heard him speak.
He had quietly croaked out a name…
'John'
Slowly the serial killer had guided your hand to his still partially exposed chest, your breath hitched as he let your hand press against his scarred skin and gave your wrist a small firm squeeze before he let go, hand having fallen back to his side and his body went limp as he had passed out from exhaustion.
Stunned beyond belief at the interaction, you swallowed thickly and grabbed the edge of the blanket and lifted it further up to cover the rest of his exposed chest. You took a step back and stared at John who laid on your couch, he was the infamous serial killer but..something in you had called him John instead of his title.
You had let him in when you welcomed him inside and now he had let you in.
John spoke more after that, his voice was hoarse and deep which made you shiver almost every time, his touch lingered far longer than they should've to be considered just 'friendly' and had stood just too close to the point his strong scent had taken over yours, which made the lingering tones of autumn rain and cider cling to you on a regular basis. John's gifts subtly shifted in nature too, heart shaped items, books filled with romance even some that were on the more spicer side which upon realizing it, John would stutter out flustered embarrassed apologies and offer to take them back but you had assured him that you wanted to keep those books, worsening his flustered reaction considerably.
The tension between you two was thick but you both didn't dare make a move to resolve it, both not wanting to scare the other.
After your random but much needed crying session on the couch, you had cleaned up the broken glass and disposed of it properly before cleaning yourself up in the bathroom. Taking a long look at your wet stained cheeks and redden eyes before washing your face up and doing your usual nightly routine, it was close to when you usually went to bed and you were definitely more tired than usual because of all the sobbing from earlier.
Your bed felt cold, like it had felt for the past couple of weeks without John joining you, reminding you of the time where John was too nervous to get anywhere near your bed in fear of breaking it from his massive size as well being scared about crushing you if he rolled over in his sleep, it was quite funny to hear his bashful grunt after you had softly teased him about not minding it if he crushed you.
"I would die happy."
"Don't say that.." John had grumbled.
When John did finally settle down and get into bed with you, he was on the very edge of the mattress and be still as a board..but with some sweet words, patience and coaxing you had found out that, unsurprisingly, John was a giant touch starved cuddle bug who always needed some part of him touching you. John wasn't always there when you first go to bed, it was actually a bit rare of him to be, sometimes when you can barely keep your eyes open any longer when you await his arrival, you would go to bed and either wake up later in the night with him wrapping his arms around you or waking up the next morning with his imprint left in your bed and a gift awaiting for you on your nightstand.
You had formed the habit of leaving a light on in your room for him, knowing that his eyes weren't entirely the best because of the damage done to them from the fire so you had started doing it when he frequently visited your home. Which he did appreciate you doing.
It was nice to feel another presence so close in your bed but couldn't help but have felt that the mask he wore almost 24/7 was uncomfortable for him to sleep in and had remembered making a comment about it once, about if he would like to take his mask off to be more comfortable but he quickly shut that potential conversation down.
"No."
You hadn't mention it again after that, you had already known and understood that the mask was a sensitive topic.
You sighed quietly at the memory once getting under the covers with a book you had been casually reading for some time in hand, with your heart aching, bed cold and mind too loud with thoughts that made sleeping impossible. You opened the book, wanting to try and distract your mind with the written words on the pages.
You had been so engrossed with the story that you hadn't heard the heavy boots making their way down the hallway and stopping just outside your bedroom door, John stood there as still as a statue and listened closely to see if you were still awake or asleep. He didn't hear anything but noticed that the light was on from the light that was coming out from the bottom of your door, it made his heart flutter and his guilt grow even worse.
John had been avoiding you, a dumb move on his end but his emotions had gotten too much for him, overwhelmed and confused he had distanced himself from you as if that could quell the complex emotions raging inside of him but it had only made it all worse, the only way he was able to settle the tsunami of emotions was to see you..but guilt made him stay outside and not tread any closer.
It was torture, it was like dangling food in front of a hungry dog and ripping it away when the poor dog got too close. John wanted to be inside the house that you made your home, he wanted to feel your skin beneath his finger tips, he wanted to hold you close and take in your scent, he badly wanted you to touch and look at him as if he was just a normal man that maybe you could love.
John wanted that, John needed that.
John got scared though, that night where you and him watched Killer Klowns from Outer Space, he barely had paid any attention to the movie and had opted to take in your reactions to the film. Your expressions had him amused because of how you would giggle here and there or let out surprised gasps at the Klowns killing in odd ways and your expressive eyes going wide in awe at the effects. John admired all the details of your face and expressions because of his gaze being mostly on you, he had noticed as time went on how your eyelids would flutter shut from tiredness and snap open just so you could continue to watch the movie with him.
When your eyes had shut for good he knew it been time to get you to bed so he had carefully scooped you up into his arms in bridal style fashion with ease, your head rested against his broad chest and most likely could hear his heart hammering hard from how you had nuzzled your face into his chest.
John had bent down after placing a knee on the bed so he was able to carefully lay you down on the warm sheets of your bed, the movement made you stir from your slumber and had John freezing up half way from pulling away from you when your eyes had slowly cracked open and stared up at him looming over you. His breath hitched under his mask and he watched as your hands rose from your sides and placed them on the cheeks of his mask, the corner of your lips quirked up into a tired smile and stared intently into the holes of the mask, able to see his pretty blue eyes from the darkness from how close you two were.
"You're so pretty.."
Why did you have to say that? Why did you have to look at him like you were going to kiss him?
John swallowed thickly and had quickly made up the excuse that you were just tired, it was four in the morning because John had came to visit way later that night due to the police cars having been more active than usual earlier in the night, you hadn't meant what you said.
John's body had trembled, your touch had burned him even though the mask had separated the contact and he didn't how to feel about that, the tension between you two was being tested that night with your compliment and the blade had been handed to him to cut into the thick tension. You waited for him patiently to cut further in, to delve the blade in like he had done to his many victims so you two could finally stop the tip toeing you've both have done for over a year now.
One of his hands had rested on top of yours as he felt his body lean further towards you and he let out a shaky breath…
..But John was scared, you couldn't possibly want to be with someone like him and he didn't want to lose his only friend.
John had pulled back the moment your lips had ghosted the cold material of the clown mask and you had blinked up at him with your smile wavered but an understanding look had settled upon your features, John had whispered out a hushed 'goodnight' and you whispered one back as you had snuggled underneath the blankets, immediately falling back asleep.
John had sped walked out of your room and closed the door behind him, leaning his back against it and had slid down until he had sat on the floor. His heart was beating too fast, his body was burning and his hands had been trembling since the moment he touched your hand. So many doubtful thoughts and disgust in himself had crowded his mind and it had became far too much, so he got up and left.
John had avoided you since then but now, he couldn't handle it anymore..he needed you.
He took hold of the handle of the door, hesitating for a moment before twisting it and slowly opening the door. John's breath hitched when you made eye contact with him, your eyes were wide and full of surprise, confusion..and relief. That relief in your eyes made his tense body relax and watched you slowly set the book down, "John?…" He opened his mouth to reply but nothing came out. You couldn't see that however, only the blank expression and the carved smile of the white clown mask staring into your soul which made you shift in your spot.
John silently walks towards your bed while your eyes scanned his body, the red sweater and blue denim overall he famously wore hugged his body well. His tall height and heavy built of muscles and fat made him look intimidating, showing off his powerful strength without needing to provide examples.
It made your heart skip a beat.
John slowly sat on the edge of the end of your bed and the mattress sunk under him while the springs creaked from his large weight, his back was towards you as he hunched over as if he was trying to shrink down to be smaller so he could potentially hide away from your gaze.
John shifted uncomfortably and continued to stare down at the floor of your bedroom, he didn't want to face you because he had never been so vulnerable in his life and this was already so much, facing you would be too overwhelming. "Do you remember what you had said?" John asked and tilted his masked head to the side but not all the way, you glanced to the side and thought hard by what he was talking about but nothing came to mind..unless..had that little dream you had after the last time you two hung out about you two about to 'kiss' actually have had..
"Oh.."
Oh fuck did your tired brain actually let it slip out about how you found his eyes pretty? It wasn't like you two hadn't sorta flirted with one another for months now and being quite close to one another physically within those months too. Did your truthful comment make him uncomfortable? Did the almost 'kiss' ruin things?..You go to speak but he beats you to it.
"I'm.. ugly.." he muttered out after a moment of silence between you two and your stomach twisted, brows scrunching as you stared at his back with sadness. You and John have been close for quite a while by now, John Wade was a man who had suffered greatly for years since childhood and had his whole world turned upside down when the fire stole a potentially normal life from him, you knew his body was riddled with scars from the abuse that he had went through, the attempts on his life when his victims had fought back and of course, the giant burn scars that have disfigured his entire face and most of his body.
John never wanted you to see his face due to the fear of disgust.
You don't say anything, waiting for him to continue as you sat there in your pajamas patiently.
"I'm deformed, I'm battered and rotted inside and out." John's tone grew angry and ashamed, his fists clenched, fingers curling and gripped the sheets tightly. "Why would you ever be with something like me? We wouldn't be able to go out on those fancy dates and..and you wouldn't be able to introduce me to your parents.." He let out a shaky, letting go of the blankets and placing them on his thick thighs. "I don't have muscles like those guys in the magazines, I..I'm a fucking nobody.."
"I want to be with you, John."
John's body reacted before he could stop it, his back straightening up and going deadly still whilst a loud sharp gasp left his mouth. "P..Please.." He couldn't help but whisper out, shaking his head dismissively as his body began to tremble. You frowned and shifted out of the covers and got off the bed him, he hunched over and ducked his head once again as you made your way around the bed and stood before him.
"John…"
"Please.." John repeated the plea and kept his head down so he couldn't face you, he was begging for you to stop..no..that wasn't it, you could hear the hopeful tone underneath all that pain. Underneath all the layers from the years of insecurities and agony, John was begging you to keep going and you weren't planning on stopping.
You slowly sunk to your knees before him which made him stiffen, he watched through the holes of his mask as you reached and took one of his much larger hands into your own and carefully took the black glove off, revealing the burned flesh that hid underneath. Your fingers traced along the ridges of the scars and your eyes held love for his hands, strong, skilled and gentle, you couldn't help but guide his hand towards your face and gently press your warm lips to his knuckles.
John couldn't help the soft whimper that left his lips, his jaw clenching and eyes misty as you continued to kiss the deformed skin. "You're beautiful..I love your hands.." Your lips pressed against the inner part of his wrist and felt his pulse pick up speed from the touch which made you smile, turning your attention to his other hand and giving it the same treatment.
John was speechless because he had only daydreams about feeling your lips upon him and now it was reality, he felt so fuzzy and light headed.
After you felt satisfied with your affection, you held his hands as you stood back up and brought his shivering hands to the bottom edges of his mask with your own resting on top of his, your thumbs rubbing along his knuckles in a soothing motion.
"You aren't some deformed, ugly, nobody, John…" You started speaking and he sat up a bit from your words, "You're John Wade, a man who has suffered so much but, you aren't just your sufferings." His head leaned forward with your guidance and rested against your chest. "You’re kind, considerate, gentle, creative, funny…" Your list goes on and on and John was surprised you hadn't jumped away from how hot his face was burning, more surprised his mask hadn't burst into flames.
After a quiet moment of letting your words settle into his mind, you felt his fingers twitch before moving them to securely hold the bottom of his mask and took a small step back to give him enough space with your own hands moving to rest on his forearms. You could hear him shakily sigh beneath the mask before slowly removing his mask, your words and affection had brought just enough courage to finally reveal to you what hid beneath that clown mask.
Anticipation filled your entire being like water filling in a pool, it made your body buzz like a bee and your heart pick up speed as you watched him finally remove the mask that had shielded you from seeing his face for so long. Breath hitching and eyes widening at the sight of his face finally exposed and your heartaches at the sight of his tired, sad blue eyes hesitantly glancing up at your face here and there as he holds the mask with a tight grip whilst it laid on his lap.
John's face was horribly scarred, the burns having deformed his face to where it caused the area around his eyes and his cheeks to look sunken in, his cheek bones were more prominent then they would be if he wasn't burned and there was no hair in sight either. Your hands leave their spots on his arms and you gently cup his cheeks, John practically shuddering from your touch and subconsciously leaned into your comforting hands. Tilting his head upwards with gentle guidance and you leaned down and laid your warm lips upon the scarred flesh of his forehead, his eyes grew misty with tears and fluttered shut.
John's lip trembled and his grip on his mask loosened up, to the point where he had completely let go leading it to falling off his lap and landing on the ground. His hands shook he reached forward and held onto the fabric of the front of your shirt, John couldn't help but cling onto you as if letting go would result in you disappearing forever.
He felt your lips curl into a smile as you continued to kiss his face and he melted more and more with each kiss you happily gave, you kissed the bridge of his nose and kissed his cheeks before pulling back and stared lovingly at him. John's eyes fluttered open and looked at you with pure love and adoration with those pretty blue eyes of his, noticing the slight murkiness of them which was a result from the fire.
"I love you, John Wade.." Finally confessing to him after so long of keeping it to yourself and it felt so good to finally say it, you could feel the weight of it finally lifting from your shoulders. With a sense of bravery from your confession, John's hands quickly let go of your shirt and wrapped around your waist and pulled you towards him, you gasp as you land on his lap. John's arms securely kept you close to him, now chest to chest as he looked down at you with a smile, you wrapped your arms around his neck and leaned up while he tilted his head down. Your lips softly brushing against his own causing both of you to shiver and before John's anxiety could crawl its way back in to make him cower, he captured your lips in a kiss that was filled with all the yearning he has held for you since the moment you welcomed him inside your home.
Your arms tightened around his neck as you eagerly kissed back with all the yearning you held for him as well, lips tingling against one another and minds exploding with sparks as your bodies lit aflame with pure giddiness. Of course it was John's first time kissing so there was a few times of your teeth clinking against one another but that didn't make the kiss bad, to you this was the best kiss you had ever had and it made your body burn with delight.
You pulled away for much needed air after kissing for what felt like hours with John chasing after your lips having already missed the warmth of them against his scarred skin, you both pant with a few pecks here and there. John planted a soft peck to your forehead and took in the scent that he had missed, your blush grew hotter.
"I love you too.."