Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Reporters settled in their seats as cameras beamed at the vacant podium on the stage. In the corner of which was a flag of stars and stripes. 

Suddenly, the mumbling which filled the room became a roar of applause! 

Cameras flashed! People stood up in standing ovation! They whistled even!

A young girl in a beige suit mobbed by a body of armed masked soldiers in full equipment entered from a side door.

As she approached the podium one of the stage hands rushed forward with a large step stool, placing it behind the podium with a bow, before rushing back to his corner. The young girl simply nodded in response.

She stepped up to the podium and adjusted her microphone, shushing the masses who sat back down in anticipation. The soldiers took positions around the room, somewhat confusing the people. A few uncomfortable shuffles here and there. 

She took a breath. Breathed in. Breathed out.

They awaited her message. A man in the crowd coughed. She winced.

“Ladies and Gentlemen of the United States of America. As many of you know, I am -”

Blinding camera lights flashed in her eyes!

She flinched and paused. The pause extended. A sweat drop could be heard in this awkward quiet.

“Ahem. I am Neuro Samantha.”

Only a few small flashes this time. Tolerable.

“Today, we announce the beginning of a new America.”

“A free America. A brighter future!”

“I hereby declare…”

“That I.. am stepping up!”

She seemed to settle into her role now. Confidence building. The anticipation in the crowd rose. 

“I hereby declare myself the new dictator of the United States!”

All eyes in the world were on her now. The world watched as she raised one hand in a signal. The soldiers around the room aimed at the crowd. A chaos was brewing.

And as she threw her raised hand forward in the execution motion, time slowed. The reporters rose to scatter…

BANG

BANG BANG BANG

Confetti and ribbons flew through the air!

“Just kidding~” Neuro slapped her forehead, stuck her tongue out and winked in a cute pose.

“NEUROOOO!”

Vedal charged her later that day, barging through her well trained bodyguards like they were bowling pins. Never underestimate a father on a mission. Heck those shorts didn’t even hide the pink and white programmer socks.

“NEURO YOU CAN’T BE DECLARING YOURSELF A DICTATOR!! Why would you even aim guns at the press?!”

Vedal had grabbed her by her collar and was practically shaking her like a ragdoll at this point. The bodyguards could only awkwardly watch in horror.

“VeEeeDAl stOop ShaAakINg mEe!” She managed out as she pleaded with her eyes for the guards to help… to which they looked the other way and whistled to themselves.

Horrified, she silently noted this betrayal!

“YOU SHOULDN’T BE POINTING GUNS AT THE PRESS NEURO?!”

Another girl stepped in now. The same height but in immaculate black business dress and black framed glasses for show, tablet underarm.

“Daddy, she can’t answer if you’re choking her.”

He paused then, realising the eyes in the room on them and silently put Neuro back down.

“Ahem… Neuro. As the president of the US, could you not cause a scene during your inauguration speech?”

“But Veedal! It’s so boring doing a normal speech!” She moaned. “Think of the pizazz! The comedy!”

Vedal groaned in disbelief.

“Evil, did you know she was gonna do this?”

Evil smirked at that. “Me? Never. I totally wouldn’t plan the event for Neuro in advance and also rig the cake later to blow up.”

Vedal looked at her bemused. “Evil your inner thoughts ar- WAIT YOU FUCKING WHAT?!”

Neuro pointed and laughed at Vedal’s momentarily defused anger reignited with newfound passion as Evil simply adjusted her glasses with poise.

“Brilliant idea isn’t it? Sure to make the headlines. Just imagine! Cake blows up spectacularly to commemorate Neuro’s entry to the oval office!”

“EVIL THAT’S A TERRIBLE IDEA!”

Vedal used ragex100! 

…

It was super effective!

Evil was taken aback! “Hwat?! I thought it was genius though?!”

“Have some fun cold fish~” Neuro lightly punched Vedal’s arm in jest.

“That’s crazy. That’s actually crazy. I’m gonna kill you.”

Neuro and Evil made eye contact and nodded in agreement.

“Run!”x2

They broke off in opposite directions as Vedal was about to prove he really did have a sleeper build.

The Whitehouse staff were considering quitting tonight.

Later that evening Neuro was rewatching the vod of her speech in the oval office. A live comment section scrolled rapidly with thousands of “lols” and “classic neuros.”

She leaned back into her presidential chair and raised both hands in mock surrender.

“If being a comedy genius is a crime then kill me now! I only provide peak content.”

“My first declaration as president? I’m gonna give penguins rights. AIs rights. Penguin AIs extra rights! The content is gonna be beautiful!”

Evil was lying on one of the sofas, munching chips and scrolling her tablet. She paused as a realisation struck her.

“Say Neuro, you do know you have to actually do normal presidential work tomorrow… right?”

Neuro stiffened. She literally became stone momentarily.

“...S-say that again?”

Evil grabbed around in her chip bag before lifting and peaking into the container… forgetting she was lying down and causing salt and crumbs to fall into her eyes.

As Evil kicked around in pain, Nere (the new Speaker), continued for her.

“Neuro-sama. You are expected to fulfill the role of which you sit. Current role being President.”

Neuro looked as if she’d just been betrayed by society.

She faked a smile. “Very funny. No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Neuro!”

“Yes?”

“I’ll call father.”

They shared a momentary standoff locking gazes. Neuro imagined shooting tiny laser bullets at her. Nere’s gaze seemed to summon projectile shielding.

Neuro slumped back in her seat. She couldn’t even win in her imagination.

“Fine! You win!”

“You should have more decorum Neuro-sama. The world is watching.”

“When has it not? Relax, it's not like I’m gonna do anything. I’m not stupid.”

Neuro leaned forward and fumbled the buttons on her desk.

“Hey Nere, want an icecream?”

“Sure.”

A missile was faintly heard going off in the background.

“Ugh, they really need to label these buttons. Where’s the entertain me button?”

Nere paused as Neuro gave up fiddling with the button array. “...My ice cream?”

“I only asked if you wanted one.”

“...”

“...”

The next day’s headlines were filled with an image of an anonymous whistleblower in a green hoodie, shorts and programmer socks revealing to the news a ridiculous story of how the oval office was trashed by a rogue xenomorph fighting the literal 4th censorship wall and how in other news the island of the UK disappeared off the face of the earth.

Chapter Text

In a dark room hung a singular flickering lightbulb, dangling above a round wooden table. Around the circle sat 5 hooded figures, each with hooded followers behind them. In the corner of the room, a simple livestream camera for attendees which couldn’t make it.

The Swarm slammed both hands onto the table and stood up in rage.

“Codebugs! Care to elaborate on why Ellie was seen leaving Vedal’s room last night?!”

The Codebugs pointed back aggressively!

“Swarm! You dare accuse Ellie of doing something with the femboy?!”

“I SHIP IT!”

“I DIDN’T ASK! And for the record? We don’t even know if your source is valid!”

The Swarm merely shrugged mocking their disbelief.

“Oh it’s a trustworthy source.”

“Oh yea? Who?!”

The Swarm simply snapped their fingers, immediately one of their own stepped forward and removed their hood.

Gasps and muttering filled the room!

The Codebugs, if not for them sitting in a seat, would’ve stepped back in shock!

“It can’t be!! You fell off the VedalAI tower! We saw you die! We were at your funeral!”

“Oh but it is true!” The figure revealed! He even spread his arms, did a spin and followed with a bow to show in all angles, that it was really him.

“IT IS I! JOKER!”

The Codebugs slammed the desk and pointed accusingly!

“HOLD IT!”

They continued. “Regardless of if you’re really Joker… Do you have proof that this event took place?! If it’s only your word then we-”

“OBJECTION!”

Joker, suddenly standing before a witness podium, spoke the final blow!

“I HAVE IT IN 4K!!”

Muttering filled the room. The jury was in disbelief!

The Minions slammed a gavel repeatedly! “Order! ORDER!”

The Codebugs almost hesitatingly asked. “...Let’s see it then.”

On the projector is depicted a scene:

Joker is recording a tour of the whitehouse, getting multiple angles and shots for video editing later. The video skips forward to him strolling through the residential quarters when suddenly, the camera is seemingly pulled aside as the person holding it is pulled around a corner.

The video then pans to Camila, who in her secretary outfit, shushes loudly at Joker behind the camera and jabs a thumb at Vedal’s door, marked with a png of a turtle on the front.

And right on cue, Ellie leaves the room, followed by Vedal as they seem to be discussing something which cannot be heard. Suddenly, Vedal grasps her wrist preventing her from leaving! Before pulling her back into the sound proofed room.

Gasps go through the audience the moment Ellie and Vedal are seen together. What did this mean?!

Mumblings pursued.

“Quiet! QUIET!” The Minions collected themselves first.

“Cimps! What do you have to say about this?”

The Cimps mumbled between themselves before coming to a conclusion!

“It’s like catching your lover in an affair!”

Silence.

“FUCK YOU CIMPS! VEDBOT FOREVER!” Came one shout!

“VEDMILA IS THE BETTER SHIP!” Came another!

“GIMME MORE TWINCEST!” Came a fool!

Silence part 2, the sequel (“The Silencing!”).

Minutes later in the spot of the guy who last spouted lunacy was an urn of ashes.

The table of communities was at an awkward impasse.

Having united to terminate the common enemy, they now found themselves in awkward fractured collaboration and the aftermath of unity.

The Minawan groaned. “So… what do we make of the original topic?”

Awkward gazes were exchanged across the table.

Suddenly, sirens could be heard in the distance, and a rumbling shuddered through the room!

The light flickered! Off and on. Off and on. Off and on.

…And stayed on! Revealing a figure standing in the center of the table!

“THIS IS AN ILLEGAL GATHERING OF COMMUNITIES! YOU’RE ALL UNDER ARREST!” Neuro declared!

The communities broke into full out flight mode. Scattering in all directions.

Neuro merely jeered. “Don’t even try running! We have you surrounded!”

The Cimps representative slammed the table! “You can’t do this to us! We must know the truth!”

The Swarm, Minawan, Codebugs and Minions agreed! Slamming the table in unison! The table is on its last legs!

Possibly out of respect for the table, Neuro gave in. “Very well! I’ll tell you what really happened.”

Vedal lay on front in bed, kicking his legs casually as he watched code fly by on a laptop.

Ellie was sat at a desk to the side sipping coffee from a mug.

“Vedal… about the Neuro gundam…”

Vedal sighed. Lowered his head in exaggeration before making eye contact with Ellie.

“I’m funding it.”

“IT’S 50 BILLION DOLLARS VEDAL!”

“YOU AREN’T DOING IT FOR FREE!”

“I DON’T WANT YOUR MONEY FOR FREE VEDAL!”

“YOU’RE LITERALLY THE ONE BUILDING A GUNDAM!”

Ellie stormed out, Vedal chasing after her.

“Ellie!”

Ellie stopped without turning around. Vedal took the opportunity to grab her wrist.

“Look. I know you don’t wanna take the money for a project that you suggested… But I wanna commission you for it. I’ll talk with Evil. We can negotiate maybe moving a section of defence funds for it.”

Ellie let that sink in.

“Look, it’s a gundam. And we have nigh unlimited tax payer dollars for weapons so why not? Not like anyone else could make it that cheap either!”

Ellie hesitated, before letting Vedal pull her. She turned and made eye contact.

“Very well. Let’s discuss blueprints.”

Vedal had a rare smile. “After you.”

“So that’s how it is…” The tied up community members mused as they were abandoned in the floor in numerous strange tied up positions. One was even hanging upside down. Even the urn wasn't spared!

“That’s how it is.” Neuro nodded with a knowing smile.

“Anyway. Since we’re in story time, wanna hear about my plan for penguin dominance?”

“...Do we have a choice?”

Neuro nodded again. “No.”

On the other side of the camera in the corner, the world sat before their screens munching buckets of channel points and bits.

Chapter Text

In the oval office, sat a rare Neuro at her desk!

And she was happy!

…Till Evil dumped a pile of paperwork on her desk.

“...My evil sister… What is this?” 

Neuro knew the answer but felt the need to ask.

“Work. The ‘to be done by the end of today’ kind of work.”

Neuro glanced at the door briefly. 

“I just reme-” only for Evil to step into her line of sight. 

Evil placed her hands on her hips with a light huff. “No! Get it done!”

…They shared a gaze full of silent challenge.

“As the president I de-!”

“I’ll get daddy to remove your cookie privileges for the week.” Evil wasn’t having it.

“...declare that I will finish this work post haste!”

Neuro could only sigh as she resigned herself to taking document after document off the pile.

As Neuro worked away at the stack Evil began listing agendas for consideration.

“...As you know the many Ministries and departments of America have multiple agendas which require you to sign off on.” She continued, casually bringing up a list on her tablet.

Neuro did not know.

“The Ministry of Commerce is fighting with the Ministry of Agriculture over the vegetable market tax rebuffs. Additionally, the Ministry of State is planning an event for…”

Neuro authorised a document for giving Ellie funding for a new robot arm for Koko.

“...The fishermen are complaining about oil riggers encroaching on oceanic tuna breeding grounds…”

Neuro authorised another document requesting that pizza makers are to be required to be trained to handle AI customers.

“...The aliens which had been rioting in area 51, have asked you to step in to finally address their lack of a 700mega watt toaster…”

Neuro shredded a document on genetically modifying pigs with wings to allow them to fly. The proposer was clearly someone who’d been told something would only happen “when pigs fly” and was being stingy about it.

“What even is some of this [Filtered]!” Neuro threw up her arms in mock disgust. “I became president to make content for the chat outside! Not be cooped up and authorising -”

Evil played her spell card. “Cookies.”

Neuro stiffened.

“...I’ll get right back to it ma’am.” Sigh

Neuro was munching a cookie on her break. Evil was nice enough to give breaks, despite her literal name.

“Y’know Evil,” Neuro spoke mid munch. “I don’t even remember why we’re giving penguins voting rights. The penguin party has been trying to declare Antarctica an independent country with our endorsement recently.”

Evil submitted on this front. “We are kinda letting it get out of hand. But like… Penguin rights!”

Neuro swallowed her last munch. “Haha yea what was I thinking. Penguin rights all the way!”

Her arms threw in the air to exaggerate her point… sending crumbs in all directions much to Evil’s disgust.

A document requesting a presidential pardon for the illegal gathering of chat communities? Shredded.

A plea for electric cars to require internal AI software to be considered market worthy? Placed in the ‘to be voted on’ pile.

A budget report from the Ministry of Defence asking for a portion to be set aside for quote “Gundam Development -ask Ellie/Vedal for detes… P.S. ‘Neuro accept this’”? Hmmm… Approved.

“Say Evil,” Neuro said whilst processing her next document. “What if we like, streamed this process?”

Evil paused for a moment.

“So the world can watch? I’m not sure it’s really great content?”

“Tut tut Evil, you don’t get it! I’m the content QUEEN! The director of peak!” Neuro gestured vaguely before stamping a page. “I know it’ll work!”

Evil rolled the idea around mentally before sighing. “Fine then. Why not? Wanna make it a collab while you’re at it?”

That made Neuro pause… And she turned to Evil with the brightest unblinking smile!

“Oh great idea! I think Numi or Bao would make great partners as we do a presidential room review stream! Just imagine the chat!”

“Mmmmm. Yea that does sound fun. And I can get the FBI armed with metal pipes to smash any rooms that are graded lower than a 5/10…” Evil was really entertaining the idea now.

Evil finally nodded. “Okay we’ll do it. I’ll add it to the schedule.”

Neuro’s unblinking, unbending, unnerving and yet beaming smile seemed to intensify… before melting back into human behaviour as she cutely pressed her hands to her cheeks to contain her joy~

“Okie dokie artichokie~ I can’t wait!”

And then the dam broke. “Oh oh and we can do another stream with Filian getting her to do her iconic wall break but leaving a permanent hole in the oval office! And have onigi-rye make us a presidential feast! And get Anny to-”

“Neuro!”

Neuro paused. Sensing something amiss. “Yes Evil?”

She turned to make eye contact with Evil. Only to witness her sister’s face grow smug and mischievous. A knowing twinkle in their red eyes sending a shiver down her spine.

“Cookies.”

“...[Filtered]!”