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When Hinata finally worked up the courage to tell Komaeda how he felt about him, there are a lot of potential reactions he could’ve expected. Happiness, anger, disgust, pity. He even prepared for some off-the-wall manic reaction like babbling about hope, since it’s Komaeda, after all, and he never really knows what’ll set that off.
He didn’t prepare, however, for the wide-eyed look of absolute terror on Komaeda’s face.
“Um,” Hinata says intelligently, his own eyes going wide as well, mirroring Komaeda’s terrified face. He’s horrified that he’s made Komaeda scared, somehow, but he doesn’t know why so he doesn’t know what to say to make it better. “I’m not… expecting anything, though. I just thought you should know.”
Komaeda continues to stare at him, and he really wishes he could reach out to him, put a hand on his shoulder or something to try to calm him down, but he’s afraid that’ll only make it worse. But Komaeda looks like he might actually be trembling, and it’s hard to rein himself in when he sees that.
“Hinata-kun,” Komaeda says, his voice sounding surprisingly level. “You don’t really feel that way.”
Ordinarily Hinata would be annoyed with someone trying to tell him how he, himself, feels, but he can’t be angry with Komaeda in his current state, so he’s just confused. “Why would you say that?”
Komaeda takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly with a sigh. He looks like he might be trying to calm himself, or he could just be exasperated with what Hinata is saying. Either is plausible. “Because it’s me, after all. Someone like you would never have feelings like that for someone like me. I’m sorry, but you’re probably just confused.
Okay, Hinata does feel some prickles of annoyance at those words. But he’s not going to say anything about it. He is, however, going to be firm, even if the words are embarrassing. “I’m not confused, Komaeda. I know what I feel. I like you. It took me a while to realize it and then to muster up the courage to admit it to you, so I don’t want you to take something like this lightly. This isn’t exactly easy for me.”
Komaeda shakes his head. “I’m not trying to offend you, but you’re wrong. You can’t like me.”
“But I do,” Hinata insists, trying not to get angry, now. He can’t believe they’re actually arguing the point, but this is Komaeda, after all. “I do like you. It’s fine if you don’t feel the same, but at least believe me.”
Komaeda’s mouth tightens into a firm line, troubled, and he glances away. Hinata is starting to get irritated that Komaeda is trying to argue with him about his own feelings, telling him he’s wrong of all things, but then Komaeda says, “But it’s me,” in such a small, soft voice, he suddenly can’t find it in himself to be angry at all.
“It’s me, Hinata-kun,” Komaeda repeats. “I’m nothing compared to you or the other Ultimate students. I’m stupid, ugly, worthless trash, a lowly, disgusting insect—there’s no way someone like you would ever like me.”
“You’re not any of those things,” Hinata says, because he feels his heart clench painfully at Komaeda’s words. “You’re brilliant, beautiful, amazing, you’re someone I’ve always admired, even envied at times. I don’t know why you can’t see any of that, just because your talent isn’t like everyone else’s.” He feels a blush creeping up his neck as he says these words. They are pretty embarrassing, and he wouldn’t ordinarily say them—but Komaeda needs to hear it. “I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.”
“Brilliant? Beautiful? Amazing?” Komaeda echoes. He laughs, but it comes out jilted and awkward, without humor. “You can’t be thinking of me, can you? You’re right, I can’t see myself that way. And the fact that you do… ah, this isn’t going to end well, is it…”
He wraps his arms around himself, like he’s trying to comfort himself. He’s still shaking, and his eyes have a sort of dark, empty look that’s starting to make Hinata worried.
“Komaeda,” he says, carefully.
“You should know I’d never even dream of feeling the same way,” Komaeda says suddenly, his voice sharp. “You’re disgusting, and everything you’ve said is disgusting. I can’t believe you’d ruin our friendship over something like this, Hinata-kun.”
Hinata visibly recoils. Komaeda might as well have punched him in the face. He’d probably prefer that, too the pain blossoming in his chest right now.
“I’m disappointed in you.” Komaeda’s face is blank, his eyes and voice cold. Hinata has never known him to look or sound that way before. “Get out of my sight.”
Hinata almost does, almost hurries away automatically at the sheer disdain in Komaeda’s voice. But he stops himself, because he remembers something.
A smile slides onto his face before he can help himself.
“What are you smiling at?” Komaeda asks in the same cold tone, but his voice does waver, slightly.
“Sorry,” Hinata says, trying to drop his smile. “I know it’s not the time to smile, but—I just remembered—you’re only saying this because of your luck, right? You’re afraid something bad will happen, that’s why you said ‘this isn’t going to end well.’ But if you’re afraid of bad luck, that means me confessing to you is good luck. So you feel the same way… right?”
He should’ve realized it immediately, but he was too overcome with emotion when he heard Komaeda saying such nasty things to him. It hurt, but now that he knew Komaeda did it because he actually cared about him, because he felt the same—he shouldn’t be smiling, but he can’t help it.
The cold expression drops from Komaeda’s face. He blinks, wide-eyed, and Hinata thinks he might actually be blushing. “That’s…”
“Sounds like I’m right.” Hinata tries not to sound too smug, since Komaeda still looks scared.
“I don’t—” Komaeda cuts himself off. He was probably ready to deny what Hinata said, but realized it was pointless. He must not have been counting on Hinata figuring out his motives at all, since he’s so shocked.
“You’re afraid your bad luck will cause something bad to happen to me,” Hinata continues. “Especially if you accept my feelings. So you’re trying to drive me away. But I don’t want that, Komaeda. I don’t care what might happen to me. I think it’s worth it.”
“It’s not,” Komaeda says quietly. His voice sounds hoarse. “I'm not. I don’t think you’re taking this seriously, Hinata-kun. You could die. It’s not the first time something like that’s happened.”
Hinata knows, because he knows Komaeda’s horrific past. He doesn’t know why this didn’t occur to him before. He was so caught up in his own feelings and getting past the fear of confessing and rejection, he didn’t even think about how Komaeda might feel.
“I’m sorry,” he says earnestly. “I’m not trying to make light of what happened, and I’m sorry I didn’t consider it before. But I think you’re worth it. If you really like me back, I’d rather us be together no matter what could happen to me.”
“Maybe you don’t care, but I do.” Komaeda is trembling violently. He glances down and when he looks back up at Hinata, his eyes are glistening with tears. “I can’t stand the thought of losing you.”
This time Hinata can’t rein himself in, and he wraps Komaeda in a tight hug. Komaeda jolts in surprise but doesn’t make any real effort to escape the hug. Instead he drops his arms and then tentatively wraps them around Hinata in return. Hinata can feel the shaking hands resting gingerly on his back, and his own hands rub Komaeda’s back comfortingly.
“Hey, it’s alright,” he says gently. “You’re not going to lose me, I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”
“You don’t know what could happen.” Komaeda’s answer is muffled, his face buried in Hinata’s shoulder.
“Nothing’s going to happen,” Hinata says reassuringly. “You know why? Because my feelings for you aren’t a result of some bullshit luck. It’s not good luck that makes me like you. I like you because you’re an amazing person.”
“I’d like to hope that’s true,” Komaeda mutters. “I don’t know if it would make a difference.”
“I know you’ve been through a lot, but I want you to give this a chance, Komaeda. Just like you said, I couldn’t bear to lose you, either.”
It’s true—he doesn’t want to think of Komaeda ripping himself out of his life entirely. He doesn’t even want them to just be friends anymore, knowing that they both feel more for one another. Maybe he’s being an idiot by not considering the consequences, and it’s true Komaeda’s luck has never affected him before, so he could just be naive. But to him, it really is worth the shot.
Komaeda pulls back out of the hug slowly. Hinata lets him go, watching him carefully. Komaeda draws his arm across his eyes, as though wiping away tears, but when his arm drops his facial expression is mostly neutral.
“You’re very stubborn,” Komaeda tells him, and then smiles minutely.
“I’m not trying to make you do anything you don’t want to do. But I know you feel the same. I don’t want you to prevent yourself from being happy out of fear.”
“A world where I can be happy without fear…” Komaeda’s hand reaches forward and finds Hinata’s, tangling their fingers together. “That would be nice.”
That seems promising. “Will you just give it a chance?”
Komaeda is silent for a while, but he doesn’t drop Hinata’s hand. “I’ll give it a chance,” he says, so quietly Hinata almost doesn’t hear him. “I can only hope for the best.”
“Well, according to you, anything’s possible with hope, right?” Hinata grins back at him, squeezing Komaeda’s hand.
A soft laugh escapes Komaeda’s lips.
“That’s right,” he says, and pulls Hinata close for a kiss.