Archive of Our Own ^beta

Pattern recognition - the ability to perceive structures, trends, or features within a dataset.

It’s something Hwang Jun-ho considers himself to be highly proficient at. Given that he’s a detective for the Seoul Metropolitan Police Agency, he kinda needs to be. Theoretically, his skillfulness should spill over into his personal life. But at a time when Jun-ho needed it most, it failed him.

Guess that’s why pride is a sin, huh?

Had he recognized his fiancé's glaring interest in a random actor earlier, he would have been able to nip it in the bud before it became a Thing. Hyeon can lust over another man when Jun-ho is not in the same country room. Unfortunately, it took four projects in a row - three shows and one movie - for it to click in his brain how odd it was that the same actor starred in each. As penance for his lack of awareness, Jun-ho is now forced to deal with his searing jealousy as they make their way through That Man’s entire filmography. 

The thing is, his current predicament isn’t even a real problem. His fiancé is infatuated with an actor. So what? People idolize celebrities all the time. It’s practically a cultural pastime! Besides, it’s not like Jun-ho doesn’t have his own roster of celebrity crushes. He has several... dozen.

This shouldn’t upset him. It really shouldn’t.

But it does.

Jun-ho knows he’s being irrational. But self-awareness does nothing to douse the ever-growing burn of envy in his gut. If he weren't such a coward, he'd speak up to end his suffering. Hyeon is, in every sense of the word, perfect. At worst, he’ll lightheartedly tease Jun-ho about his jealousy (assuming he has the courage to admit his batshit crazy reasoning for wanting to watch something else). But he wouldn’t press the issue.

From the very start of their relationship, the Salesman - nicknamed as such for the persona he adopts while working undercover - made one thing clear: he is happiest when he's able to give Jun-ho whatever his heart desires. Hyeon puts his partner's wants and needs above all else, including his own. Always.

One instance that perfectly illustrates his self-sacrificing nature? The night they made homemade pizzas from scratch. While strolling through the grocery store, Jun-ho tentatively voiced a controversial topping suggestion. Without hesitating, the Salesman added two pineapples to the cart. They were cleaning up after dinner when Jun-ho noticed redness blooming around Hyeon’s mouth. His partner dismissed it as nothing to worry about. But when they kissed, something felt off. Jun-ho quickly realized why - Hyeon's lips and tongue were swollen. Then came the frequent sneezing. Still, Hyeon insisted he was fine. Suspicious of this claim, Jun-ho shot off a quick text to In-ho, his older brother and Hyeon's best friend. Lo and behold, Hyeon did have a well-known food allergy, to pineapple, the very same fruit he let had Jun-ho hand-feed him while he cooked.

When confronted, the Salesman shrugged and said the discomfort was worth it, because he was able to give Jun-ho what he wanted, 'So long as you're happy, my love, then so am I.' Uhh, how the hell was Jun-ho supposed be happy after that? What good was 'getting his way' when it meant that the man he loved was fucking miserable the rest of the night? Hyeon's assurance that he'd speak up next time came too quickly, too easily. As much as Jun-ho wanted to believe it, he couldn't. He knew, with a sinking certainty, it wouldn’t be the last time Hyeon decided his own well-being was a fair price to pay for Jun-ho's so-called happiness.

The Pineapple Incident was eye-opening, there's no doubt about it. But even before that, Jun-ho had begun striving to balance things out in their relationship. It started with - ironically - television. A few weeks ago, Jun-ho randomly made a huge fuss about how Hyeon should pick what they watch after dinner. It was a deviation from their usual routine, where Jun-ho’s preferences set the tone. He still isn't sure what drove him to arbitrarily decide that was the hill he was going to die on. But he knew he made the right choice when the Salesman's immediate response was, 'I want to watch whatever you want to watch, darling.' Jun-ho wouldn't let up though, so Hyeon eventually chose something without his partner's input. Baby steps.

Jun-ho has lost count of how many times he's explained that he doesn't want to always get his way. Even in situations when the 'stakes' are low (ie: no one's well-being is at risk). It feels wrong, like he’s taking advantage of his fiancé's generosity, even when Hyeon insists it’s freely given. Sadly, he would have better luck talking to a wall. The Salesman, a man of incredible intelligence, cannot grasp the simple concept that his opinions matter in their relationship too. And that's a problem, because Jun-ho craves fairness with a kind of desperation that borders on obsessive. The idea of the scales always tipping in his favor makes him queasy. And yes, he understands that life isn't fair, blahblahblah. But this is his relationship. If Jun-ho has the ability to even things out - whether Hyeon is on board or not - isn't he morally obligated to do so?

Maybe this dilemma with That Man is Jun-ho's karma for pushing Hyeon so hard to step out of his comfort zone... heh, just kidding. The longer they always do what Jun-ho wants, the harder it will be to change things up. He did the right thing. It's just unfortunate it worked out this way.

Another reason Jun-ho has held his tongue thus far? Embarrassment. Ooh, and he can't forget the soul-crushing guilt! After basically bullying his fiancé, Jun-ho is going to turn around and complain about it? Hyeon won't ever share his opinion again at that rate, and Jun-ho can't even blame him! But more than that, what kind of grown man gets THIS aflutter over their partner having a celebrity crush? No one normal, that's for sure! Do his silly infatuations diminish his love for Hyeon? Nope, not in the slightest. Jun-ho despises himself for being so bothered by this. It’s petty. It’s childish. It’s…

That Man’s mediocre face appears on the screen again. 

Jun-ho’s eye twitches. 

HatehateHATE!

“Ahh, look, look, look, darling!” Hyeon squeals, startling him from his musings. “They finally kissed!” He gasps dramatically. “Oh no, what just happened?”

That was another red flag, one Jun-ho ought to have noticed weeks ago. When it comes to watching things, the Salesman is a certified yapper. Whether they’re at home or in the theater, it doesn’t matter. Observations, jokes, wild theories about plot twists - Hyeon always has a steady stream of commentary at the ready. Coming from anyone else, Jun-ho would find the constant chatter annoying. But with Hyeon, it’s charming. Just another one of his many endearing quirks.

Which is why the silence should’ve screamed louder.

In retrospect, Hyeon hasn’t been silent so much as... selective. Nearly everything out of his mouth has been a glowing tribute to That Man - the actor who’s become the uninvited third wheel in their relationship. Every comment, every sigh, every unblinking stare, it’s all laser-focused praise, ‘He’s quite handsome, don’t you agree, darling?’, ‘He pulls off that suit almost as well as I would’, ‘It’s commendable how he has chemistry with nearly everyone. I bet he's super likeable in real life’.

He’s not even that good looking, Jun-ho seethes in his head. Of all the people for Hyeon to pant over, it’s THIS meh man… I don’t get it. Who knew his persnickety husband-to-be had such substandard taste?... Jun-ho vehemently refuses to think about what that means for Hyeon liking him.

Setting aside his frustration for the time being, Jun-ho teasingly responds, “Yes, hyung, I saw. Along with how he abruptly pushed her away.”

“I wonder what made him do that,” the Salesman mutters, seemingly to himself.

Bet he’s thinking about how if he were in that woman’s place, it would never happen to him, Jun-ho fumes.

Cuddled against his partner’s chest, he can’t see Hyeon’s current expression. But the older man’s wistful sigh triggers the darker, nastier side of Jun-ho, the part of himself he does his damnedest to pretend doesn’t exist. “Seems like she gave him the ick,” he snidely points out. “That’s odd though, don’t you think? I figured it’d be the other way around.”

Hyeon makes a noncommittal noise. A beat of silence passes, and then another. “Are you alright, darling?” he timidly asks.

“I’m fine, hyungie,” Jun-ho smoothly lies, relieved when the credits start rolling. 

Apparently, they’ve only made it through five episodes of this show. Five. Jun-ho would swear they've slogged through at least twenty. The knowledge that there's eleven more to go before this emotional torture ceases makes him want to bash his head against the wall. And okay, fine. If the lead were literally anyone else, Jun-ho would be loving this show. It's right up his alley.

But the lead isn't anyone else.

It's That Man. The one his fiancé can’t take his eyes off of. The one whose smirk makes Jun-ho’s stomach twist into knots. The one who’s turned their cozy post-dinner ritual into a nightly exercise in emotional masochism. It’s hard to concentrate on the storyline when all Jun-ho can think about is whether Hyeon is secretly fantasizing about swapping him out for the man on the screen. Rationally, he knows it’s not true. But does jealousy care about logic? Nope. It just sits there, clawing at the edges of his sanity, whispering worst-case scenarios in his ear.

“You sure?” the Salesman presses, making no attempt to hide the skepticism in his voice. “You seem tense.”

Damnit.

How can someone be so perceptive, but also… not?

Hmm, okay. Jun-ho can spin this to his benefit. “You’re right,” he agrees, turning to press a tender kiss to the corner of Hyeon’s mouth. “I am tense. Maybe hyungie can help me relax?” 

His fiancé's handsome face instantly falls. “Oh. Umm…”

Jun-ho’s jaw clenches at the perceived rejection. But he forcefully reminds himself not to take it personally. This stunning man often misses social cues, even the most in-your-face-ones. It’s not Hyeon’s fault, it's just how he is. So Jun-ho will need to be clearer. Direct.

Capturing his fiancé’s lips in a heated kiss, he slips his hands under Hyeon’s shirt. “I’ll return the favor,” Jun-ho murmurs huskily, lightly dragging his nails down the Salesman's muscular back. “Promise.”

There's no conceivable way Hyeon could miss the true meaning of his words. But rather than the enthusiastic response Jun-ho expected, he freezes like a deer in headlights. Is he... is Hyeon seriously going to pick the man on the screen over his flesh and blood partner?!

“I know it’s getting late, but maybe… maybe before we retire for the night, we could watch one more episode?" the older man murmurs, fiddling with the engagement ring on Jun-ho's finger. The one that means nothing to him, apparently. "Would that be alright, darling? I... I don't think I can sleep until I find out what happens next.”

So his initial judgement of the situation was correct; there’s nothing ‘perceived’ about it. Jun-ho is being rejected. Hyeon is choosing this fucking actor over him. What the actual fuck?

Jun-ho twists back around, hiding the fury etched across his face. “No problem, hyung,” he grunts, jabbing the 'play' button. When Hyeon attempts to say something, he pettily turns the volume up.

For the rest of the weekend, Jun-ho dodges his fiancé under the guise of illness.

It’s a believable excuse, especially after his abrupt exit Friday night. Within thirty seconds of the episode ending, Jun-ho was out of the door, offering nothing more than a mumbled goodbye and an offhand mention of his stomach hurting. And Hyeon being Hyeon (aka perfect), responded to his rudeness with nothing but warmth and tenderness. He asked if he should buy medicine and/or his favorite foods; he offered to give Jun-ho as many massages as needed until he felt better; he even suggested a chauffeured ride to his apartment, so Jun-ho could soak in his luxurious bathtub… because of course Hyeon has a giant bathtub with jets (and yes, in this case, Jun-ho is very open about his jealousy).

At first, Jun-ho declined each offer with polite deflection. But after going back and forth for an hour, he sent a message more brusque than the situation called for. He thanked Hyeon for his concern, reassured him that he appreciated the care, but requested - firmly - that he be left alone for the weekend, ‘Please don’t come over either, hyung. I just need to be alone for a bit, then I’ll be fine’. What Jun-ho didn't say, but fully meant - he needed a break from That Man’s face for a few days.

By Monday, Jun-ho is steady enough to re-enter the world. He even gets a lucky break - first thing in the morning, some lunatic sets fire to a subway train during rush hour. He and his partner are briefed on the incident, then sent out to the scene. There’s no time for awkwardness as they transition flawlessly into work mode. Hyeon checks in on him a few times - softly, sincerely, and so achingly sweet. But Jun-ho assures him he’s fine, offering easy smiles and, when they’re alone, kisses as quiet proof.

A mere eight days later, their case is closed. Too quickly, in Jun-ho’s opinion. Sure, it’s nice they work so well together, but couldn’t they have stretched it out a little longer? Collected more evidence? Dug deeper? Anything to delay the inevitable return to normalcy. For the last week, they were so busy, they didn't have time for frivolous pursuits like television watching. Which meant there wasn't a need to pretend like everything was fine - because everything was fine, no pretending required.

As they're leaving their last meeting regarding the case, Hyeon asks if he wants to go out for dinner tonight or stay in. It's not a question as to if they're going to hang out, but rather what they're going to do together. The Salesman's crestfallen expression makes Jun-ho's stomach churn with guilt, but he just… he can’t do it. Not yet. Not after the week they’ve had. His nerves are frayed, exhaustion lingering in his bones, and he doesn’t trust himself to not snap over something stupid. Better to disappoint Hyeon now, than risk hurting him later. Unsurprisingly, the older man accepts his decision without protest. Because he’s perfect like that. And Jun-ho? He’s so undeserving of Hyeon’s love.

Needless to say, Jun-ho definitely shouldn’t be as taken aback as he is when his older brother ambushes him in the breakroom the next morning.

“Detective Jun-ho,” In-ho greets, striding in like he owns the place - which he kinda does, at least in Jun-ho’s mind.

"Good morning, Captain."

One nice thing about Captain Hwang? He doesn't beat around the bush. “Are you feeling okay?” In-ho asks, his eyes scanning Jun-ho’s face like he can suss out the truth for himself with his innate Hyung Vision.

“Yes -” Jun-ho flinches when something cold and metallic is suddenly pressed to his forehead. “Captain, is that really necessary?”

“It is, yes. So hold still.” His brother scowls at the thermometer, like it personally insulted him. Huh, maybe Jun-ho is sick?! Maybe that’s why he’s been spiraling for the past week. Maybe he - “No fever.”

Damnit.

That means he's crazy all on his own.

“Told you.” Jun-ho reaches for his freshly brewed coffee, only to find his mug already in In-ho’s hand. “Aww, hyungie -”

“Thank you, little one,” his brother hums with a self-satisfied smirk. “You’re so good to your hyung. This is exactly what he needs right now.” Jun-ho glares at his sibling but doesn’t complain. Rest assured, he will seek revenge at his earliest convenience. “I ask because Hyeon mentioned you’ve seemed... off as of late. It’s something I’ve also noticed, and my gut says it isn’t related to the case you two just wrapped up.”

Of course he did, Jun-ho grumbles in his head. His fiancé is a sweetheart, yes, but also a world-class gossip. And his favorite person to ‘spill the tea’ with? His best friend of over two decades, Hwang In-ho.

“I’ve been prioritizing rest," Jun-ho half-lies. "Trying to avoid another bout of secondary fatigue.” He suppresses a shudder at the memory of his collapse a few months ago, which occurred while they were in the thick of a difficult case. Not his finest moment by any means, though everything worked out in the end. Feigning confusion, he innocently asks, “Isn’t that what you told me to do, hyung?”

In-ho loudly sips his (stolen) coffee. “Indeed. That’s very responsible of you, Jun-ho. I’m proud.” Oh dear, oh dear... because Jun-ho is five-years-old at heart, being praised by his hyung for a lie? Ouch. The urge to confess every sin he’s ever committed bubbles up within him, but he clamps down on it before it can escape. Conceal, don't feel. “However,” his brother continues, “since you never listen to me, and you don’t appear to be sick, a part of me wonders if you’re upset with Hyeon over something.”

Ugh.

Guess this is why In-ho is the boss, huh?

Because Jun-ho is nothing if not a brat, he fires back the expected sassy response. “I always listen to you, hyung. But doing what you say? That's a whole different story.”

The older man chuckles. “Fair enough. How about answering my question though, hmm?”

“Technically, you didn’t ask a question." To avoid having to look at his brother while he talks, Jun-ho busies himself with brewing a new cup of coffee. Ya know, to replace what was rudely stolen from him. "But using my deductive reasoning and our brotherly telepathy, I’ll answer the implied inquiry… no, I’m not upset with Hyeon-hyung.”

And it’s true! Jun-ho isn’t mad at Hyeon. He’s mad at himself, for letting something so trivial bury under his skin like this.

“I figured as much. Because if Hyeon had done something to upset you, a mature young man like yourself would approach him about the issue, so you two can work through it together."

“Of course,” Jun-ho agrees, masking the guilt etched across his face with a long gulp from his steaming mug. Burning his tongue, the roof of his mouth, and his lips is what he deserves for being the absolute worst.

It's impressive, albeit annoying, how his older brother can radiate disapproval with a blank expression. “Since I didn't teach my little brother to shy away from confrontation, no matter how tough, he’d never bottle up his feelings or sweep things under the rug, would he?"

Oh god…

Jun-ho nearly spills everything - the jealousy, the insecurity, the slow, suffocating swell of despair blooming like rot beneath the surface. But he doesn’t. What could In-ho possibly say that would make him feel better? He doesn’t need his brother to tell him he’s being foolish. He knows, okay?! The problem is that knowing doesn’t make the jealousy go away, it just makes Jun-ho feel a billion times worse about himself.

“Hyung, do I ever hold my tongue when something upsets me?” he asks with a strained laugh.

In-ho purses his lips. “No... though sometimes I wish you would.”

“Speaking of holding one’s tongue,” Jun-ho muses, drifting towards the relative safety of the exit. “It sounds like something you and Hyeon-hyung do not do. Out of curiosity, do you two devote entire days to gossiping, or just most of it?”

Setting his mug down with a faint clink, Jun-ho drops into his chair, the groan slipping out before he can stop it.

“Sweetheart, what happened?" the Salesman asks, glancing up from the report he’s been working on all morning (probably too busy daydreaming about his favorite actor to focus, Jun-ho thinks spitefully to himself. He immediately banishes the thought). "Are you alright?”

“No,” he grumbles, rubbing his smarting skin. That forehead flick is probably going to leave a bruise! How the hell does his brother move so quickly at his advanced age? “Your bestie is abusive -”

“Don’t let him fool you, Detective Park,” Captain Hwang calls from the doorway of his personal office. “Detective Jun-ho deserved his punishment, as he very well knows.” In-ho slams his door shut before either of them can respond. 

Later that evening, Jun-ho is again curled up on Hyeon’s outrageously expensive leather sofa, the older man wrapped around him like a human blanket. In-ho's lecture (disguised as small talk, but Jun-ho isn't stupid) had amplified the guilt he'd already been feeling, spurring him to action. He couldn't avoid his fiancé forever, nor did he want to. During their lunch break, Jun-ho timidly asked his partner if he was free to hang out after work; examining his nails with faux-nonchalance, the Salesman responded with a lofty, 'Since you asked so nicely, I suppose I can squeeze you into my busy schedule'... as if he hadn't positively lit up at the question (he had).

They've had a spectacular evening thus far. Dinner was homemade and delicious, the kind of meal that could win awards if Hyeon ever decided to enter a cooking competition. Afterwards, Jun-ho (who is chronically tense, shocker) received a heavenly shoulder rub from his fiancé, followed by a cascade of soft kisses. Then, to his delight, the Salesman queued up a Marvel movie. By some miracle - or maybe divine intervention - he finally caught onto Jun-ho's loathing of his favorite actor, all without him needing to say a word.

How does that saying go?

Ah, yes - ‘To be loved is to be seen.’ 

It’s a terrifying concept in theory, to be perceived by someone so thoroughly. But in practice? Beyond amazing. In a surprisingly short time, Hyeon has not only seen Jun-ho for who he is at his core, but accepted and embraced him, flaws and all. The knowledge sends a flurry of butterflies fluttering through Jun-ho's stomach.

Said butterflies die a swift and brutal death moments later.

Because That Man - yes, That fucking Man, who is very much from the Republic of Korea - has just appeared on the screen. In an AMERICAN film. Jun-ho blinks rapidly, convinced he’s hallucinating. He’s seen this movie before. Multiple times. How did he not realize who played the mysterious devastatingly handsome prince?

"Long hair looks good on him,” Hyeon compliments, because of course he does. “I’ve been thinking about growing mine out too -”

Something inside Jun-ho snaps.

“So,” he drawls, voice sharp enough to cut, “is it safe to assume that actor is on your Exception List?”

“Mmm.”

A noncommittal hum. Not a flat-out denial. The Salesman clearly doesn’t have the balls to admit the truth, but it’s obvious that Jun-ho’s assumption was right. Hyeon would fuck Par-... That Man, if given the chance.

Cool cool.

The threads of Jun-ho's sanity unravel faster than he can hold them together. Each second That Man remains on the screen, it's like the actor himself is personally tugging at the frayed seams of his composure. Hyeon's admittance feels like... it feels like betrayal. 

“Good to know,” Jun-ho scoffs, heart in his throat. "Kinda odd though. I would have assumed someone like Lee Byung-hun would be more your type, not -” He chokes on That Man’s name, unable to say it aloud. To think that Hyeon would even consider being with someone else? He feels like his entire world has abruptly been turned upside down. “But maybe I don't know you as well as I thought." Jun-ho shakily rises to his feet. "I'll see you later.”

“What? You're leaving so suddenly?” The Salesman pauses the movie, right as the camera zooms in on That Man’s face. It feels poetic. Without his permission, a lone tear slips down Jun-ho’s cheek, traitorous and hot. He angrily brushes it away, but by Hyeon’s widening eyes, it doesn’t go unnoticed. “Baby, what's wrong?”

Too many things to list!

“Nothing, I…” Jun-ho’s brain scrambles for a valid excuse. “I forgot to water... to feed my fish. I forgot to feed my fish. So I have to go. Bye."

Aish. That’s the best he’s got? Really?

"Darling, what? Since when do you have a fish?"

Good question.

Whatever, all he can do now is own it.

"Fish love unconditionally, and I needed to fill the void in my heart!" Hand on the doorknob, Jun-ho glances over his shoulder. “Also, just so you know,” he sneers, “Lee Jung-jae is at the top of my Exception List." He smiles sweetly. "Have a good night, hyungie.”

The joy Jun-ho receives from slamming the door is soon overridden by crippling heartache. Too frazzled to wait for the elevator, he decides to take the stairs. It proves to be yet another one of his many terrible ideas. Hyeon lives on the forty-fourth floor. By the time he reaches the twentieth, he’s dizzy and disoriented… and promptly crashes into someone.

“I’m so… I’m so sorry,” Jun-ho pants, chest heaving to catch his breath. Reaching out to steady the woman he collided with, his heart sinks when he sees she’s around his mother’s age, smashing good job, Jun-ho, let’s add an Elder Abuse charge to your list of issues right now. “Are you alright? Are you hurt anywhere?... oh no, please let me get that for you.” He hurriedly picks up her spilled groceries.

“Thank you, dearie. I'm fine, but if you have a moment to spare, would you mind helping me bring these -” She chuckles at his eager nod. “My apartment is right through here.”

Jun-ho carries the surprisingly heavy bags into her apartment, placing them down onto the kitchen counter. He tries not to stare at his surroundings too much - it’s rude, not to mention creepy - but he can’t help from noticing how much warmer and brighter her apartment is compared to the Salesman’s.

“I was just about to make some tea. Would you like a cup?” Jun-ho is about to decline, but the woman adds, “Forgive me if I’m being too forward, but it seems like you could use a listening ear.” His shoulders sag at the reminder of what led him here. Once he nods, she guides him to a chair at her kitchen table. “Now then,” she gently pats his cheek, “what’s got you in such a tizzy, hmm?”

It’s a testament to how discombobulated Jun-ho is when he blurts out, “My fiancé is obsessed with this actor. And I know the chances of them ever meeting are slim, but I fear if they do, he'd leave me for him. And I don’t know how to cope with that.”

The words hang in the air, preposterous but genuine.

Thing is, can the Salesman really be blamed for considering his options? Objectively speaking, Park Hyeon is the most beautiful man in all of Korea. Shouldn’t he be with someone similarly stunning? Jun-ho isn’t ugly, but he’s not as good looking as That Man.

"Ah, I see," the woman snorts, amused, though not unkind. "That does sound like quite the conundrum."

“I’m so sorry, you didn’t need to know any of that,” Jun-ho mutters, bowing his head respectfully.

“Believe it or not, something similar happened to a girlfriend of mine,” she muses, placing a fancy teacup in front of him. He takes a careful sip, then a larger one when he recognizes the familiar taste of Omija-cha tea. “Her husband - a man who relentlessly pursued her for years to win her heart - bumped into his favorite actress at the airport. The two began a whirlwind romance. Within a month, he packed up and left. Wife, kids, house, even his career - everything he'd spent his life working towards, none of it mattered compared to a shot at his dream girl.”

Jun-ho's throat constricts. “Maybe your friend and I should start a support group.”

“Oh, this story isn't anywhere close to done yet," the woman replies, lowering herself into the seat across from him. "Six months later, he came crawling back, begging for forgiveness. Against all advice, my friend relented. 'For the kids', she said, though we all knew she was too damn nice for her own good. But two months after that, he was dead.”

The detective blinks. “I… what?! Did your friend, umm -”

With a knowing grin, she shakes her head. “None of us would have blamed her if she had, but no. It was cancer, which my friend only learned when that boor was on his death bed. The general consensus around town was that the actress must’ve treated him horribly, for him to hightail it out of there so quickly. In actuality, she dumped him the moment he was diagnosed, hence why he didn't breathe a word about it, not even to his family. He was so frightened that someone would find out, he also refused treatment." The sweet little old lady lets out a laugh so chilling, it sends shivers down Jun-ho's spine. "But illness wasn't that swine's only secret. Long story short, my friend became one of Korea’s richest women overnight."

Jun-ho’s mouth opens, then closes. He has no idea how to respond.

“All I’m saying is,” she adds with a smirk, “no one can predict the future. But if something similar does happen to you, rest assured, the universe has a way of dealing with jerks like that.”

When they eventually part ways, Jun-ho takes his time descending the remaining flights. His mind is a mess. The woman’s story wasn’t exactly comforting. Cosmic retribution is nice and all, but he doesn’t want things to get to that point! God, why did Hyeon have to go and fall for someone else?... who else is he obsessing over?!

Stop this! Jun-ho mentally berates himself. Hyeon didn’t do anything wrong. You're being crazy for no reason.

He takes a deep breath, hoping to settle his raging emotions. Why is he so sensitive all the time?!

Most people consider Jun-ho to be a level-headed person. Including himself. He NEVER had this fear in past relationships... then again, he never dated anyone as wonderful as Park Hyeon either. Hmm, maybe the issue stems from his naïve belief that Hyeon’s eyes would never stray, let alone his heart? To Jun-ho’s credit, he's not totally delusional, okay? The aforementioned belief has a basis in reality. Per the Salesman himself, for the first thirty-five years of his life, he never felt attracted to anyone. Not once. But that changed with Jun-ho (and yes, that sounds like some bullshit line, but it's not, it's the truth... unless Jun-ho is just really fucking gullible? No, no, no, he's not going to analyze every single one of their conversations, that is CRAZY).

Anyways, so with that in mind, it’s totally understandable as to why he's a wee bit peeved that his partner is eyeing up some random guy, right? Is That Man the first non-Jun-ho that he's been attracted to, or are there... nope, not going down this path.

You’re not a 'wee bit' peeved, the snide voice in the back of his head points out. You’re one wistful sigh away from a full-blown meltdown.

Ugh. It's true, and Jun-ho knows it.

The thought of calling his best friend is tempting. Not for advice, but to vent (because what advice could anyone give, besides, ‘Get over it, lest it become a self-fulfilling prophecy’). Jun-ho’s fingers drift towards his phone, until he remembers how Min-ki has been running himself ragged as of late. Between his regular secretarial duties, helping the Cyber Investigation team with a case, and spending time with his childhood best friend-turned arch nemesis-turned boyfriend, the absolute LAST thing Min-ki needs is for his hyung to burden him with nonsensical problems. If anything, Jun-ho should be calling his dongsaeng to check in, make sure he’s okay.

Whelp, guess that explains why Hyeon is eyeing other prospects - if Jun-ho is too self-absorbed to make a good friend, then he obviously isn't going to make a good husband! Morosely trudging into the parking garage, shoulders hunched and heart heavy, he's halfway to his car when -

“DARLING!” Thank god the Salesman announced his presence before touching him. Even so, Jun-ho nearly jumps out of his skin when a hand clamps down on his shoulder. “Jun-ho, where have you been? I’ve been searching everywhere for the last fifteen minutes! Why did you storm out like that? Please, baby, please tell me what you’re upset about, so I can fix it -"

Jun-ho spins around, eyes blazing. “FIX IT? FIX IT?! IT'S A BIT TOO LATE FOR THAT, HYEON!" He drops the honorific like a guillotine.

"Too... too late? Darling, what does -"

“HMM, LET'S THINK ABOUT WHY I MIGHT BE UPSET… MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE YOU YOU DIDN’T SO MUCH AS HESITATE TO ADMIT YOU’D FUCK ANOTHER MAN! THAT SEEMS LIKE A PERFECTLY VALID REASON TO ME, BUT I DUNNO, MAYBE I'M JUST OVERREACTING AGAIN!"

“WHAT?!” Hyeon squeaks, eyes wide. “I never… what are you talking about?!”

"YOU'RE REALLY GOING TO PLAY DUMB? SERIOUSLY?!” The laugh that escapes Jun-ho is jagged - half scathing, half incredulous, and entirely hysterical. “GOD, WHY AM I EVEN SURPRISED? THAT’S WHAT YOU ALWAYS DO WHEN CONFRONTED WITH THE TRUTH!”

“What truth?!” the Salesman cries, hands flailing wildly at his sides. “I never said -”

“BUT YOU DIDN’T DENY IT EITHER!” 

“WHEN DID THAT EVEN COME UP?!... JUN-HO, YOU’RE NOT MAKING ANY SENSE!” Not making any sense? Wow. Alright. He’ll spell it out for his partner, plain and simple. Let Hyeon try and play dumb after that. “Is this about that witness who kept hounding me for my number? I told you, I gave him Superintendent Lee’s, just like I always do when people won't take a hint!"

A muscle in Jun-ho’s jaw twitches at the reminder of how much real-life competition he’s up against. Losing Hyeon was inevitable, wasn’t it?

“NO, THIS IS ABOUT HOW YOU WANT TO FUCK THAT STUPID ACTOR YOU’RE SO OBSESSED WITH!” The older man gasps like some scandalized maiden. “YOU SAID HE WAS ON YOUR EXCEPTION LIST, WHICH MEANS IF GIVEN THE CHANCE -”

“Ahem.”

The interruption slices through the chaos like a knife. Hyeon whirls around, revealing an elderly couple who’d been blocked from view by his broad frame. The wife scowls fiercely, while her husband stands awkwardly beside her, his eyes downcast and cheeks flushed with secondhand embarrassment.

Jun-ho's own cheeks flood with heat. Firsthand embarrassment. Oh god, why is today so cursed? “S-sorry, we didn’t realize…” Trailing off, he bows quickly, before stepping aside so they can pass.

But the woman stops right in front of him. “Your anger is wholly justified, young man,” she says, her voice unapologetically loud. Jun-ho blinks owlishly. He'd braced himself for a scolding. Or homophobic remark. But validation? Totally unexpected (though appreciated nonetheless). “Exception Lists are repugnant. Whoever compiles one is unfit to be in a relationship.” She glares daggers at Hyeon, who unsubtly inches closer to Jun-ho. "Do you think your partner’s youth excuses your condescension? Or that your extra years grant you permission to be blatantly disrespectful?"

"N-no -"

Evidently, her question was rhetorical, because she doesn't permit him the chance for rebuttal. "For someone of your age and apparent wealth to behave in such a reprehensible manner is disgraceful. You should be ashamed.” When her gaze returns to Jun-ho, her expression softens. "If no one has told you before, let me be the first. You do not deserve to be treated this way. I hope you find the strength to demand better for yourself.”

At a loss for words, Jun-ho bows deeply. With one last withering glare at Hyeon, she strides off, head held high.

Her husband lingers a moment longer, eyeing Hyeon with a mix of pity and amusement. “My wife made a few good points, I don't dispute that. But it seems unfair to leave without adding some context. If I put together a list of celebrities she regularly gushes over, it’d be longer than the Han River. All she needs is one glass of wine to start talking about how she’d leave me for that Lee Dong-wook fellow. But if I so much as glance at a woman on TV for too long? Aish, she'll mope for days." He sighs heavily. "It's just one of those things, unfortunately. Brush it off as best you can. Not worth fighting about.” The older man claps Hyeon on the shoulder, nods stiffly at Jun-ho, and follows after his wife.

An uneasy silence settles over them.

Hyeon cautiously reaches for Jun-ho’s hand. “Come on, darling. Let’s... let's talk about this away from the prying ears of my neighbors, yeah?”

His tone isn’t patronizing, but it still makes Jun-ho’s hackles rise. “I think I’ll head home, actually.” 

He makes it three steps closer to his car, before the Salesman’s hissed words have him freezing in place. “If anyone should be upset here, Jun-ho, it’s me! I’m not the one obsessed with that actor… YOU are!”

That’s the thing about Hyeon. Since he knows Jun-ho so well, he knows exactly where he should aim to land a crippling (metaphorical) blow. And this one in particular? A knockout. There’s no way Jun-ho can walk away now, not after hearing that bullshit.

Throwing himself onto Hyeon’s couch with the grace of a disgruntled cat, Jun-ho uses his limbs as a blockade against any attempt by his fiancé to sit beside him. Not that Hyeon notices. Thankfully, it has nothing to do with That Man being on the screen, though Jun-ho still covertly presses the 'off' button on the remote... to save electricity, of course. No, the Salesman's inattentiveness is due to how he's pacing across the living room, hands clasped behind his back, muttering to himself in rapid-fire French. Switching to a foreign language is futile, because Jun-ho has no trouble discerning where his mind is at.

Based on Hyeon's tone, he thinks he is the victim.

Ha, absolutely not!

Unfortunately, even as irritation simmers in Jun-ho's veins, growing hotter and hotter by the minute, each time the Salesman appears in his line of vision, his heart skips a beat. Not from anger, no, but because he is just so incredibly weak for This Man, his man (his man for now*). The way the fabric of Hyeon's navy t-shirt stretches across his broad shoulders? Criminal. Worse, he’s wearing those joggers, the dark gray ones that cling to his backside like they were custom-made by the gods themselves. Jun-ho now fully understands why the peach emoji is used to denote a person’s posterior. Once this mess is resolved, he's going to sweet talk Hyeon into letting him sink his teeth into that juicy -

His scheming comes to an abrupt end when something soft smacks him in the forehead. “If you think this is an acceptable way to treat our son," Jun-ho growls, picking Toothless up off the floor, "then maybe he should come live with me!" He kisses the top of the dragon's head - the uncontested favorite of the prizes Hyeon won for him at the fair - in silent apology.

The Salesman raises his hands in mock surrender. Too late does Jun-ho realize his true reasoning for the gesture - to catch the projectile he (accurately) predicted was going to be hurled at his face.

Dang.

“In my defense, I called your name like ten times, but you were lost in your head. And since you bite and scratch when startled, Toothless bravely volunteered to help his Papa get his Daddy's attention.” I am not endeared by this gorgeous dork, I am not endeared, I am NOT - "Good work, son." After pressing his lips to the same spot that Jun-ho had kissed, Hyeon returns the plushie to its perch on the corner of the television. "Papa is proud of you."

... Jun-ho might be a teeny tiny bit endeared by this gorgeous dork.

“What are you thinking so deeply about, darling?” the Salesman asks gently.

“What am I thinking about?" he repeats, sounding a little too breathless for his liking. The older man turns away from him, just for a moment, no doubt trying to hide a smug smile. It hits Jun-ho then. He fell right into his partner's trap, didn't he? This is psychological warfare at its finest. Jun-ho hadn't even known this was one of his weaknesses, so how the hell did Hyeon figure it out?! To his relief, clearing his throat fixes that weird issue with his voice. "I'm thinking about how audacious you are to say that I am obsessed with That Man, when we both know -”

“I'M NOT THE ONE PRINTING OUT HIS PICTURES, JUN-HO!" Hyeon screeches, looming over his sprawled form. "AT WORK, NO LESS!”

Feigning an itch, Jun-ho lifts his shirt up to his chin and scratches lazily at his chest. As he 'absentmindedly' traces the curve of his pectoral, Hyeon's darkened gaze follows the path his finger takes. Good. The only person who should ever capture his attention like this is Jun-ho. “It's not at all what you’re thinking, hyung.”

His words snap Hyeon back to his senses. “None of this!” he huffs, yanking Jun-ho’s shirt down, boo, hiss. “And don’t even try to deny the picture thing either, because I saw you!"

Jun-ho grimaces. Aish, how is that possible? Hyeon was gossiping in Captain Hwang’s office at the time, which was why Jun-ho felt ‘safe’ enough to do it. He also snatched the stack right off the printer, before anyone could stumble upon his side project. Sigh, oh well. His reasoning is much less embarrassing than what Hyeon assumes.

Not that he plans to admit it right off the bat, of course.

"I don't know what you're -"

"If you want to play coy, fine, we can go to the office and grab that special folder in the locked drawer of your desk. You know, the one stuffed with pictures of THAT actor!" The Salesman laughs bitterly. "You're supposedly planning to marry me, yet you surround yourself with pictures of other men!"

Jun-ho glowers. "You don’t have my picture either!"

“On my desk? Of course not, Jun-ho! Why would I give people another opportunity to gawk at MY man?!” Pfft, okay. "However, unlike you, I have plenty of photos in my apartment." Jun-ho makes a production of swiveling around, scanning the room in search of these mysterious gems. He finds none. "Come here, I'll prove it."

So funny story.

There's a huge possibility that Jun-ho, uhh... might need to get his eyes checked? There's a really cute collage of them on the fridge, and Hyeon's nightstand moonlights as a shrine to his younger partner. But the entryway is the most disturbing of all. Jun-ho walked by that area multiple times today, so how the hell did he miss the oversized framed photo of them hanging on the wall?!

"Okay, you win that one," he begrudgingly concedes, retaking his seat on the couch. "But my lack of pictures isn't personal -"

"Ah yes. The classic, 'It's not you, it's me' shtick."

Jun-ho irritably flicks a coaster at Hyeon. "None of that -" His makeshift Frisbee not only misses the intended target, but it clips Toothless like a sniper shot. With a cry of alarm, the Salesman dives to catch the treasured plushie before he hits the floor. Jun-ho exhales in relief. "Nice save, hyung," he says sincerely. "Are you okay?"

Cradling Toothless like a wounded comrade, Hyeon climbs to his feet. "So this is an acceptable way to treat our son?" He shoots Jun-ho the sort of look that could curdle milk, before returning the dragon back to his throne.

"Not at all, and I'm so sorry. Thank god our son's Papa is so athletic!" He smirks to himself when Hyeon puffs up like a peacock. "Hyungie, I swear my lack of pictures is not a slight against you. It never crossed my mind that I didn't have any." Which is the truth! "For perspective, all of the framed photos in my apartment were gifts from other people. But I'll... I'll remedy that -"

"Just print them at work... you know, like you do with That Actor's," the older man snarks, returning to his pacing.

“Ah yes, the photos of shitty quality that I use at the range for target practice.” Jun-ho juts his chin out defiantly. “And I know you don’t believe me, so let's call Se-yoon right now! He was there, he’ll vouch for me.”

Hyeon scoffs. “Like I’d ever trust a word out of that kiss-ass’s mouth? He’ll say whatever you want, because he’s terrified Min-ki will drop his ass the moment you speak a word against him!”

Admittedly, Jun-ho hadn’t liked Min-ki's boyfriend at first. For a lot of reasons, including Se-yoon’s unfortunate tendency to engage in vicious verbal sparring matches with Hyeon at the drop of a hat. But the kid has been slowly growing on him. Kinda like mold. Se-yoon hadn’t even blinked when Jun-ho taped That Man’s smug face to the target and unloaded a full clip into it. Afterwards, rather than ask questions or express concern for Jun-ho's mental stability, he complimented the older detective on his superb aim and praised his creativity. It seemed genuine too.

“Fine, don't believe me. It's whatever. But you’re the one who always puts on something That Man is in -”

“Until today, there wasn’t a single peep of complaint from you, Jun-ho!” Hyeon levels him with a challenging look. “You even voiced your approval at each one of my selections!”

That was before he realized how deeply infatuated his fiancé was with the lead actor, duh!

“Tell me, Oh Wise Hyung," Jun-ho counters heatedly, rising to his feet. "What exactly am I supposed to make of you consistently lauding his many desirable attributes, huh?" He pokes the older man in the chest. "Sounds like obsession to me!"

Cheeks flushing dark crimson, Hyeon swats his hand away. “The only thing I’m obsessed with is being an emotional masochist, apparently. And for the record, you complimented him just as much as I did!"

So, Jun-ho is a fucking hypocrite. Is anyone surprised?! No. 

“Maybe I did, but I never brushed you aside when you wanted attention!” Lifting his chin to meet the Salesman’s gaze irks him, so Jun-ho jumps onto the couch, ha, loom over me now, Park Hyeon! “Oh wait, how could I forget -”

“Sweetheart, not this again. Please come down from there."

“You never made any advances!” Jun-ho stubbornly continues, baring his teeth when Hyeon tries to usher him back onto solid ground. “Because you were too busy drooling over That Man on our tv to care about who was sitting beside you! But guess who did seek out attention, only to be snubbed like some D-list actor during award season?! Me, Hyeon, you snubbed me!”

Hyeon rolls his eyes. “You made one half-hearted pass at me while I was invested in a show, and now I’m the bad guy? Jun-ho, I even asked if we could watch another episode, and you said it was fine!”

“I LIED, HYEON, OKAY?! YOU'RE ALLOWED TO DECLINE MY ADVANCES WITHOUT EXPLANATION. THAT'S PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE, AND I RESPECT YOUR FEELINGS… EXCEPT IN THAT MOMENT! IT FELT LIKE YOU WERE PICKING HIM OVER ME, AND I… HYUNG, IT WAS ALMOST MY THIRTEENTH REASON!”

To his absolute fury, the unfairly tall Salesman steps onto the middle couch cushion. Jun-ho’s eyes scan the apartment in search of a higher perch, but before he can relocate to the kitchen, Hyeon grabs his hand. “I’d never pick anyone over you, Jun-ho. I sincerely apologize if I made you feel… ummm, I’m not sure what that last part means -“

“IT MEANS I WANTED TO -" Jun-ho abruptly cuts himself off. Probably not the best time to explain that pop culture term. “It doesn't matter, you got the gist.”

“Is that why you’re so upset, darling?” Hyeon asks gently, cupping his cheek with his free hand. “You felt like I rejected you in favor of watching that actor you like -"

Oh my fucking god, how does he STILL not get it? Jun-ho has explained it perfectly so many times, and yet…

“I AM UPSET BECAUSE YOU ADMITTED THAT ACTOR IS ON YOUR EXCEPTION LIST, WHICH MEANS YOU WOULD FUCK HIM IF -”

Hyeon's hand relocates from his cheek to clamp over his mouth. Eyes narrowing dangerously, Jun-ho bristles at the rough treatment. The Salesman should be grateful he has enough self-control to resist biting him. Given his luck today, the chance of them crashing painfully to the floor (or something worse happening) is too high to risk.

“Stop saying that, Jun-ho, please!” Hyeon pleads, voice cracking. “That’s NOT true, and it… it hurts my feelings that you think it is.” Jun-ho squeezes his eyes shut, a tremor rippling through his whole body. Ugh. Emotional vulnerability. His kryptonite. “Also, I don't... while I can now make some educated guesses, I don't actually know what an ‘Exception List’ is.”

“Hyung,” Jun-ho sighs, the fight draining out of him, “how do you know about the Omegaverse, but not what an Exception List is?”

“Dunno.”

The Salesman's eyes dart around the room, almost guiltily. Hmm... after a second of hesitation, Jun-ho concludes they have more important things to deal with right now. Gracelessly dropping down onto the couch, he peers up at his fiancé expectantly. With an indisputable look of relief, Hyeon elegantly lowers himself down, keeping a ‘respectable’ amount of space between them.

Jun-ho promptly reduces their distance to zero. “Hi, hyungie,” he hums, wrapping his legs around his partner’s waist. 

"Hi," the older man pecks him on the lips, "my pretty baby.”

Hit with a sudden bout of shyness, Jun-ho nervously scratches the back of his neck, annoyed to feel how warm his skin is. “Umm, so Exception Lists… it refers to people who are considered ‘exceptions’ to someone's relationship. Basically, if they sleep with them, it doesn’t count as cheating."

Hyeon’s jaw drops, and he recoils as if he'd been physically struck. "WHAT?! Oh my god... no wonder that woman gave me such a harsh dressing down!"

"She really did," Jun-ho agrees, snickering at the memory.

His mirth isn't shared. "That’s appalling! No, it's... it's worse than appalling! I can't... what’s the point of monogamy, if people seek out someone else -”

"It's not like that!” he hurriedly interjects, trying to smother the rant building within his partner before it ignites. "The list is essentially theoretical, since it's comprised of people you’d likely never meet, let alone have a shot with. Think celebrities, models -"

“THAT DOESN’T MAKE IT ANY BETTER... IT'S THE PRINCIPLE!”

“You’re right, hyung," Jun-ho says as calmly as possible. "You’re totally right. It’s just… why didn’t you deny it when I asked? Or say you didn’t know what it meant?”

“Because I -” Hyeon throws his hands up, nearly whacking Jun-ho in the face. “Shit. Darling, are you alright?”

“No, I am not! My heart hurts."

Without missing a beat, the Salesman starts kneading his knuckles into the tight muscles of Jun-ho’s pectorals. Closing his eyes, the younger man lets out a content sigh. The pleasant tingling sensation spreading throughout his body makes it challenging to feel guilty over the misinterpretation of his melodramatic exaggeration... but because Jun-ho is cursed, his peace is short-lived.

He flinches violently when Hyeon’s thumb ghosts over his sensitive nipple. “BAD TOUCH, BAD TOUCH!!!” Jun-ho shrieks, only realizing what he (unintentionally) implied when he notices his fiancé's horror-stricken expression. “Erm… correction! Good touch, very good touch. Too good, some might say. But the timing is -” His eyes narrow at Hyeon's twitching lips. “You did that on purpose, didn’t you?”

His partner's innocent expression does not fool him one bit, no sir. “I was only trying to help your heart feel better, baby. That’s all.”

“And I’m the Queen of England,” Jun-ho sniffs, batting his hands away. He then crosses his arms over his chest to discourage their return.

"Wouldn't that make me the King?"

"No." A pause. "The jester."

Hyeon snorts. "Either way, congratulations, Jun-ho. Hyung is so proud.”

“Hyung is so not funny.”

“Beg to differ.” Jun-ho does NOT swoon when he receives a lovely forehead smooch for his troubles. “Now, mayhaps His Esteemedness can enlighten me as to when precisely I was supposed to deny his inquiry regarding whomst was on my ‘Exception List’? You see, in less than fifteen seconds, you went from asking about something I’d never heard of, to making a barbed remark about the actor who looks like your brother, to declaring who was on your own Exception List!” The older man pauses. Then blinks. Then frowns. “So that man you mentioned, the one you said was on your Exception List… he’s someone you would have, erm… relations with... if you ever had the chance?”

Jun-ho stares dumbfoundedly at his partner, mouth slightly agape. He totally forgot he said that. The teeny tiny spiteful part of him rejoices in Hyeon’s distress. But that’s NOT the kind of person he wants to be - someone who takes pleasure in hurting the person he loves. 

“I would never sleep with anyone else, celebrity or not,” Jun-ho assures his fiancé, his tone firm. “I only said that because I..." He winces at his shameful behavior. "After convincing myself you would, I got really upset and -"

“It’s alright, darling.”

"... lied because I wanted to get back at you." Jun-ho pauses. "Wait, what's alright?"

Hyeon’s smile is thin, brittle. “I can live with you having a list. I can even live with you acting on that list. So long as you're happy, Jun-ho, I can endure anything. I promise.”

Shit, shit, shit, he fucked up big time, didn’t he? God, at least Jun-ho now understands why Hyeon referred to himself as an emotional masochist. “Hyung, I don’t -”

“I was there at your brother's,” the Salesman interrupts, his tone neutral, “when you, Ga-yeong, and Min-ki were tee-hee’ing over those actors in that pretty-boy warrior show. I also overheard your drunken rant about how the main character should’ve become king because he was, quote, ‘A billion times hotter and better than the other guy.’”

Even though the series - which was chosen by Ga-yeong - had concluded years ago, they decided to make watching the last few episodes into an ‘event’. One bottle of soju turned into two, which quickly turned into three (for Jun-ho and Min-ki, that is… In-ho sipped his whiskey, because he's a snob, while Hyeon and Gi-hun split a six pack of beer. As for Ga-yeong, they gave her apple juice). The next morning, Jun-ho woke up on his brother’s couch with a pounding headache and a vague sense of having overshared. Evidently, his intuition was spot on.

“When our vacation ended,” Hyeon continues, his voice growing quieter by the minute, “and we established our own routine, just the two of us, you insisted I pick our next show. But I… I only watch things when I’m with you, so I was at a loss for what to suggest. I didn’t want to disappoint you though, and since it was obvious you liked that one actor, I hid in the bathroom and looked up his filmography.” 

Jun-ho's heart shatters into millions of pieces. He had no idea his demand burdened his fiancé so extensively. “Hyungie, why didn't you say anything?”

“Remind you again that you’ve chosen to marry a freak?" the older man scoffs. "No thanks.”

Leaning forward, Jun-ho lightly bites the Salesman’s cheek. “You’re not a freak, hyung, for any reason -”

“Let's agree to disagree, sweet pea.”

"Mmm, let's not."

"Jun-ho -"

"No, hyung. I am right, and I will not rest until you agree with me!" When Hyeon glances away, Jun-ho grabs his chin, bringing their gazes back together. “You don’t watch television on your own. So what? I am well aware that you’re a nerd, hyung. I love that about you. Truly. But I wish you would have said something, because we could have just selected a show together -”

“But I figured it out on my own, didn’t I?” His partner's expression suddenly brightens. “Not only were you engrossed in the show I picked from start to finish, but one night, you spent hours mimicking the aegyo That Actor's character's did. So I assumed choosing another one of his works was a safe bet… and I was right, because you also liked that cop movie he was in!”

Phew, talk about A+ distractions.

Dropping his hands down, Jun-ho forces out a laugh. “Heh... this hyung has cute jokes." Yeah, Hyeon is definitely fucking with him. There’s no way that’s true. Aegyo? Nope, he would never do something THAT cringe, no matter how drunk he was.

The Salesman kisses the tip of his nose. “My dearest treasure's jokes are much cuter.”

His phone suddenly pings. Jun-ho obligingly taps the message his fiancé sent. Clearly, he wants to take the joke as far as he can…

Oh god. 

It’s not a joke. The message is video proof of Hyeon’s truthfulness. It wasn’t secretly recorded either. No, it’s all too obvious how thrilled drunk Jun-ho was to 'perform' for the camera. The baby voice and the cutesy songs - slurred, because he doesn't know the lyrics (he knows the lyrics) - are bad enough. But a piece of his soul dies watching himself attempt a poor man’s rendition of the flowering face. For every finger heart he flashed in Hyeon's direction, somewhere in the Heavens, an angel lost its wings. And still, that was not the worst of it. Not even close.

Jun-ho called Hyeon ‘oppa’.

Repeatedly.

Without sarcasm.

And Hyeon? He not only let Jun-ho do it, he egged him on!

Oh my god... no wonder his brain vehemently repressed this memory! It's a miracle Hyeon didn't break up with him the next morning. How the hell does he still find Jun-ho attractive?!

Are you sure he does? that snide voice in the back of his mind asks. Maybe that's why he's been ogling someone else. When That Man did aegyo in the show, it was charming. Yours though? Yikes.

“Why did you… how could you let me drink so much, Hyeon?!”

As if Jun-ho wasn't already fully aware that he's undeserving of Park Hyeon, the older man makes no mention of how he is an adult, and it’s his responsibility to moderate his own alcohol intake. You know, the logical response. Instead, Hyeon rushes to defend his decision, as if he thinks Jun-ho is actually mad at him (he’s not, he’s just MORTIFIED).

“Remember when I told In-ho-hyung that I can say no to you, I just choose not to? It was the biggest lie I’ve ever told in my life, Jun-ho!” The Salesman cards his fingers through his silky hair, forcing Jun-ho to hastily avert his gaze. He will never understand why his pulse quickens every time his fiancé flashes his forehead. “Even when I know it’s in your best interest to say no, it causes me physical anguish to deny you something you want, so I -”

Shame curling in his chest, Jun-ho again attempts to cut his partner's impending rant off. “I’m not mad -"

He's unsuccessful though, as Hyeon simply raises his voice to be heard over him. “Plus it was your birthday, darling, how could I refuse your sweet requests for a refill? Especially when you started doing aegyo all on your own! And I… I took really good care of you the next morning, didn't I?” The older man winces. “Ah, but you suffered though. That hangover was... it was all because of me, because I'm weak." He reaches for Jun-ho's hands. "Baby, I’m so sorry I failed you -"

"You didn't -"

"I promise to be better about -"

Darting forward, Jun-ho crashes their lips together. He intended for it to be a quick kiss, just to put an end to the frantic, very-unnecessary apology, but it’s all too easy to get lost in Park Hyeon. Oopsie. “Hyeon-hyung," he begins minutes later, chest heaving to catch his breath, "I’m not upset with you about my drinking. I’m embarrassed -"

“Please don’t be!” Hyeon insists, resting their foreheads together. “It was so, so cute. Seriously, one of my favorite memories ever." He places a hand over his heart. "And with my darling as witness, I solemnly vow to guard that video with my life. Should anyone ever see it, I will kill them before -"

“Heh, let’s not go to that extreme, please and thank you!" The likelihood that Hyeon follows through with the threat? A little too high for comfort. “I appreciate the sentiment, of course. But I was being dramatic. I don’t blame you for my drinking or any of… that."

No, the blame for that tragedy lies solely on the person who committed the atrocities - Hwang Jun-ho.

“Mmm, I knew that.” Uh huh, sure. Jun-ho tucks his face into the crook of the Salesman’s neck to hide his smirk. The comfortable silence stretches on, until Hyeon murmurs, “Darling, does… does this… actually, never mind.”

“What is it, hyungie?"

The older man cautiously continues, “Does this actor ordeal and the Exception List thing... does it have anything to do with how we haven’t slept together yet? Do you think I’m like... looking at other options or something?” The hurt in Hyeon’s voice knocks the breath out of Jun-ho. “Are you?”

“No, no, nothing like that!” Jun-ho says quickly. “And I'm definitely not looking at other people. Ew." He pauses, considering his next words carefully. "As for how all of this came about... the simplest, most straightforward answer is my overactive imagination."

"And the complex answer?"

Inhaling deeply, he slowly lets the air out of his lungs. "When we began that secretary show, it suddenly clicked in my brain how That Man was the lead in everything you picked so far. Then I realized your usual running commentary was only praise. Ever since, I've been dwelling on how you must be infatuated with him. So tonight when you put on the movie, I was internally celebrating that you picked up on my dislike without me needing to say anything... cue him popping up on the screen."

"And in a Marvel movie too?" The Salesman blanches. "That's like... blasphemy!"

"It felt pretty close to that, yeah." Jun-ho hasn't been shy about his nerdy obsession with Marvel movies... largely in part because Hyeon found out about it before he could tell him. "When you didn't give me a straight answer about whether or not he was on your Exception List, I lost it. In my mind, since you didn't deny it, that meant it must be true. And that meant you were considering being intimate with someone else. Which made me feel... inferior. Like I wasn’t enough.” 

Hyeon’s expression crumples. “Baby -”

Jun-ho winces. Fuck, it sounds like he’s blaming this whole thing on his fiancé.

“But hyung,” he continues, voice taking on a sense of urgency, “let me make something very clear. You did NOTHING wrong, okay? Nothing. This is all on me. Logically, I know you would never sleep with someone else while we’re together. I know that, it's just... we debate this all the time, but you truly are SO far out of my league, it's incomprehensible. So my sad, whiny, woe-is-me, annoying brain twisted things and made… fuck, I can’t even call it an assumption, because that sounds reasonable. It wasn’t reasonable at all! I latched onto a delusional, completely irrational intrusive thought, something baseless and warped, then let it sit and fester for weeks. You were trying to fulfill my request to the best of your ability, but I turned it into something debased, and I'm... I'm so sorry, for everything, including how I said I had a list, when I didn't -"

Wrapping his arms tightly around him, Hyeon rests his chin on top of Jun-ho's head. “I’ll never want anyone else, so you don't need to fret about that, okay?" the Salesman murmurs. "Hwang Jun-ho is my beginning and end." Jun-ho closes his eyes, letting the words settle into the cracks of his insecurities. He doesn’t deserve Hyeon’s kindness, though he’s grateful for it all the same. "But while we're on the topic, I want to reiterate... I can live with you acting on your list -”

“Hyung, I swear on the grave of my firstborn... may my sweet hamster rest in peace... I do NOT have an Exception List. Sure, I might have a meaningless celebrity crush here and there, but no one appeals to me more than you. No one."

It's clear Hyeon doesn't believe him. Jun-ho's heart sinks. His childish temper tantrum scarred his fiancé, didn’t he? Fuck.

"Oh really?" the older man hums. "What about that boyband you and Min-ki are obsessed with?"

As if a BTS member would ever be interested in little ole' Hwang Jun-ho? Pfft, yeah right! (For argument's sake: Jun-ho would be flattered, but he couldn't go through with it. His heart belongs to Park Hyeon and Park Hyeon only... and he's not worthy of breathing the same air as a member of BTS, let alone partaking in adult activities with them.)

"I don't care how famous they might be. The thought of touching anyone who isn’t you repulses me, hyung." Jun-ho spends approximately 6.13 seconds pondering if this is an appropriate time for a joke. Eh, fuck it. “It’s a good thing I don’t have a list though. What kind of fanboy would I be if I put my favorites in the path of Park Hyeon's vengeful wrath? They wouldn't stand a chance against my man!"

His fiancé's neutral mask remains in place, but Jun-ho practically feels him preening at the compliment. Good.

“Speaking of your man," the Salesman purrs, "the reason you've been so tetchy lately is because you thought That Actor was holding my attention a little too well, which made you jealous. Is that an accurate summary?”

Glancing away, Jun-ho nods sheepishly. "That sums it up, yes." Hyeon is silent for an unnervingly long time… oh god, he’s going to break off their engagement, isn’t he? He's finally realized that his younger partner is a deranged psychopath in disguise, and his jealousy issues make him - "Yah!" he yelps, more startled that hurt.

“I’m so sorry, my treasure, I didn’t mean to poke you that hard." Jun-ho's revenge scheming ends before it even begins, undone by the way Hyeon gently rubs the sore spot, concern written in every line of his face. Sigh. This man really is so perfect, isn’t he? "I just wanted to make sure that I had your undivided attention, so I could clarify a few more things."

... that doesn't sound ominous at all.

"I'm listening, hyung," Jun-ho stammers out, his heart swooping at the soft smile Hyeon gives him.

"Last weekend, you weren't actually sick, were you? You were pouting, not just from jealousy, but because I ignored you when you wanted attention... which was very, very wrong of me.” The Salesman smacks his own hand. “Bad Hyeon-hyung, do better!”

Hearing his childish behavior recounted aloud is mortifying. But at least Hyeon seems to be having fun with it? "You did nothing wrong, hyung," Jun-ho mumbles. "I shouldn't have reacted like that. You’re under no obligation to drop everything when I want attention -”

“Three strikes, and you're out!” Hyeon chirps, tickling the underside of Jun-ho's chin. “It's my mission in life to give you what you want, when you want it. And that includes attention. But I was so engrossed in the show... not That Actor... I ignored you, which understandably ruffled your feathers. However, while I never, ever want to upset you, I don't have any regrets because your little temper tantrum was -” His next words are indecipherable, his giggle fit too extreme to get words through. Without warning, the Salesman seizes Jun-ho’s cheeks and squishes them together. “My baby is so darn cute, cute, cute, cute!” Each 'cute' is punctuated with a kiss on some part of Jun-ho’s face.

“S’not funny!" Jun-ho whines, trying and failing to squirm away. “Hyungie, please let go!”

“You’re right, it’s NOT funny… it’s sweet, adorable, and honestly kinda hilarious!” After pecking him on the lips with an obnoxious ‘mwah’, Hyeon blessedly releases his cheeks. "But wait... how come you didn't say anything earlier? It's been over a week, at least." He frowns. "Sweetheart, were you worried I'd -"

"SHAME!" the younger man cries theatrically, grabbing a nearby throw pillow and whacking Hyeon with it. "SHAME." Again. "SHAME!" And again. Jun-ho then tosses it out of reach, so his partner can't seek revenge. "Hyung, do you even know me at all?"

The Salesman nods grimly. "Ah yes. Hwang Jun-ho and the Ever-Present Guilt Complex."

"That's a great title for my autobiography," Jun-ho says, sighing wearily. "As for why I didn't say anything... shame, if that wasn't already obvious. It's shitty to turn around and complain about something I demanded you do. Plus, who in their right might gets THAT huffy over a celebrity crush?"

"On that note, would you like to hear my perspective, darling?"

Lifting his nose in the air, Jun-ho does another (should be) award-winning impression of his partner, "I don't know, darling. Do I?"

"Even though you're a mean bully, I'm gonna tell you anyway," Hyeon huffs, sticking his tongue out. "Picture this - there I was, growing increasingly rankled night after night because you were so smitten with That Actor. The fact that I enjoyed watching his works only made the torture worse. 'He's not even that handsome,' I'd tell myself. 'What does my baby see in him, that he doesn't see in me?' I kept praising him in hopes of figuring out what made him the cat's meow in your eyes."

"Huh." The words are out of his mouth before he fully processes what he’s saying. "Yep, we are definitely soulmates."

Wait.

Shit.

But before Jun-ho can spiral, his partner mumbles, "You really think so?... you think so too?"

Oh phew.

He nods shyly. "I do, hyung. I once read this passage that stuck with me. It went something like, 'Compatibility means being just as unhinged as the other person. When you find someone whose quirks, desires, and weird little edges align with your own, that's the kind of love that lasts'. At first glance, we may not appear similar, but underneath the surface? We align perfectly."

"Darling, you are just so... eeeeek!" Jun-ho flinches at the Salesman's ear-splitting shriek. It's the sort of sound their dongsaeng, Min-ki, would make, NOT the aloof Detective Park. Lunging forward, the older man plants a flurry of featherlight kisses on each of his brows, cheeks, chin, the tip of his nose, and the corners of his mouth... then repeats the loop. "You're so, so cute, Jun-ho, my soulmate, and I... I love you so much, I really, really do!" Another round of kisses follows.

"Hyung, stop, it t-tickles," Jun-ho giggles, making no effort to push Hyeon away.

After the fourth round, Hyeon permits his younger partner a chance to breathe again. "I would like to point out how this sounds like a lesson we need to remember in the future about the importance of speaking up... while I was sulking over how much you liked That Actor, you were seething over the insane idea that I’d pick someone over you, my perfect husband!”

"Husband, huh?" Jun-ho's brain is so flustered and overwhelmed right now, he can only access his default factory settings - bratty. "Dang, I must have missed our wedding."

His husband starts fidgeting with his engagement ring, the one that matches Jun-ho's own. "I mean, we’re basically married, aren’t we? We just don’t live together. And ‘fiancé’ is such an awkward word, plus it seems so pretentious -”

There are so many good comebacks floating around in his brain (‘Isn’t pretentious right up your alley, hyung?’). But this definitely isn’t the time for jokes. Lightly caressing Hyeon's cheek, Jun-ho tenderly kisses his forehead. "Hyung, I love the idea of referring to each other as husbands.”

“Really?” the Salesman meekly murmurs, like he doesn't dare to believe it. His eyes suddenly narrow. “You’re not just humoring me, are you?”

Jun-ho rolls his eyes. “No, hyung, I'm not. The way I see it, do we really need a piece of paper to tell us what we are? Our hearts know the truth, and that should be all that matters.”

Another truth his heart knows? The reactions from their family and friends are going to be golden. Oof, wait... Jun-ho make a mental note to mention this tidbit to his mother as soon as possible. He never again wants to be at her mercy for failing to relay ‘important’ information - she would NOT believe him if he claimed it was a joke after the fact. His big brother, on the other hand, won't be a problem... or rather, he won't be Jun-ho's problem. In-ho will take his woes out on his bestie, not his baby brother.

Speaking of Hyeon...

The longer the silence drags on, the more nervous Jun-ho becomes. Did he say something wrong?... again? “I mean, that paper would be nice, of course! And if hyung still wants a wedding, then so do I -” He awkwardly trails off at the sound of a sniffle. “Hyeon-hyung?”

“M'FINE!” the Salesman screeches, very clearly not fine. His attempt to get a better look at his fiancé husband’s handsome face is thwarted when a hand covers his eyes. “Just… don’t l-look. Give me a sec.”

Jun-ho tries to wiggle free, but his tenacious partner won't budge. “It’s okay to cry, hyung… and have people see you cry.” When his uplifting words don't result in the restoration of his vision, the younger detective makes a noise of protest. “Yah, friendly reminder, my dearest husband." He winces at the whimper Hyeon lets out. "But you see me cry all the time, so isn’t it only fair that I see you? It's not like it's the first time either."

“Everything you do is cute though!” the Salesman argues, even as he reluctantly lowers his hand.

Hyeon's watery eyes and trembling bottom lip induces a powerful wave of Cuteness Aggression to surge within Jun-ho, demanding release. Knowing it wouldn’t be welcome - and he's already fucked up too many times today - he uses every drop of self-control he possesses to redirect the impulse. The only thing capable of overcoming such a strong urge? Brattiness.

“You really think everything I do is cute, Hyeon-hyung?” Jun-ho asks, his voice syrupy sweet.

Their gazes lock together. The air thickens. A silent challenge stretches between them, charged and ridiculous. Without breaking eye contact, Jun-ho slowly raises his hand toward his face, torn between two different, though equally horrifying gestures. But before he can choose, Hyeon cracks right down the middle.

“Even the strictest rules have at least one exception,” the older man says, grabbing Jun-ho’s wrist to prevent him from traumatizing them both, thank god. “That applies here too. Probably.”

“Oh, for sure.” Jun-ho gently wipes a stray tear off the Salesman’s porcelain cheek. “What’s got you so emotional, hyungie?”

Hyeon’s plump bottom lip quivers with suppressed emotion, but he remains frustratingly mum on what’s pushed him to the brink. They volley back and forth - gentle prods, teasing questions, a few dramatic (though not wistful!) sighs - until Jun-ho loses his patience. God damnit, fine. If this stubborn man doesn't want to talk, he'll focus on cheering him up instead... and he's got just the thing guaranteed to turn that frown upside down.

First, Jun-ho takes a deep breath to center himself. He can do this. Puffing his cheeks out, he tilts his head to the side, then asks in the cutest, whiniest tone he can muster sober, "Oppa, why are you sulking?"

The Salesman's only reaction is a slow blink. It's understandable. Jun-ho isn’t sure what he's doing either. But he persists. For Hyeon.

"Seeing oppa so down," curling his fists, he presses them to his cheeks, "it makes Jun-ho-yah sad too, wahhh! Please be happy again!"

The older man stares at him with wide, unseeing eyes. Not the most encouraging response, but Jun-ho persists. For... for Hyeon? Yeah. For Hyeon.

“Oppa is so handsome when he’s happy.” Jun-ho wiggles his shoulders with exaggerated flair. “Getting a smile from him is the best gift in the world, even better than a kiss!" Hands beneath his chin, he splays his fingers wide like petals and pushes his lips into a dramatic pout. “But Jun-ho-yah would never, ever say no to a kiss from his oppa.”

Ahhhhh.

Nope, nope, nope.

Sorry, but he can't do it anymore, he wants to keel over and die. Of all the things to do Jun-ho in? A fucking wink. How pathetic. Lifting the hem of his shirt up, he hides his burning face from view, using the fabric to 'muffle' his indecipherable shrieking. Ironically in doing so, Jun-ho is struck with an epiphany. Why the fuck did he not think of this before he humiliated himself?!

“Since you don't want to talk," Jun-ho gently places the Salesman's hands flat against his chest, "I thought a distraction might cheer you up?” He flexes his pectoral muscles, letting his partner take it as seduction or playfulness. Either interpretation would be fine.

Whelp, wrong move. Oh god, wrong move!

Hyeon takes it... differently. And not in a good way.

There's no warning either. One second, everything is fine. Then suddenly, the room is filled with the sound of gut-wrenching sobs. If Jun-ho knew shedding his shirt would trigger a full emotional breakdown, he’d have kept it on! Curse his decision to dramatically fling it across the room like he was auditioning for a romance novel cover. Scrambling for the blanket draped over the couch, Jun-ho tries to cover his bare torso, but Hyeon’s hands are still pressed firmly to his chest, unmoving. Mixed signals much?

Trying to salvage the moment, Jun-ho forces out a playful laugh. “Aww, hyung, after staring at That Man for so long, do you find me less appealing now?"

"Of course not!" The Salesman frantically shakes his head. "Don't make jokes like that -"

"What joke?"

Hyeon's sobs have already tapered off, but tears continue flowing steadily down his cheeks. Even so, it does nothing to lessen the searing heat of the glare he directs at Jun-ho. Good lord, okay, no jokes like that. Got it! "My baby is the most b-beautiful man... no, person... in the world! Every time I see him, he takes my breath away. And I take it very personally when someone is mean to him, even himself!"

Heart stuttering, Jun-ho rests his chin on Hyeon's buff shoulder. “Then what’s wrong, babe?” he whispers, his legs still wrapped around his partner's waist, like a koala clinging to its favorite tree.

"It's j-just that I... I hear you when you say you love me." Hyeon’s voice cracks. "Of course I do. But I've never believed you, not once." Jun-ho swallows down an inappropriate laugh when the Salesman full-body cringes at his own words. “Not that I think you’re lying! I’d never... that's not what I meant -"

So full of affection, he worries he might combust, Jun-ho cuts in with a firm, “Not offended. I know what you meant. Please continue."

Beneath him, Hyeon slowly relaxes, like a taut string finally loosening. “How could someone so perfect, and wonderful, and good as you, love someone as fucked up and -" The self-deprecating remarks suddenly die off when the older man is gagged - literally - by a fistful of blanket being jammed into his mouth.

Jun-ho smiles sweetly at his shell-shocked partner, whose hands are still firmly planted on his chest. "I refuse to hear anyone talk shit about my husband. Got it?" Hyeon gulps, his Adam’s apple bobbing visibly. Once he nods, Jun-ho uses the moistened edge of the blanket to gently dab at his tear-stained cheeks. "Good. Please continue."

"Umm, anywho... it didn't make sense that someone like you loved someone like me." He pretends to cower when Jun-ho lifts the edge of the blanket threateningly. "Said respectfully, I thought you must be mistaken. But between your reaction to me being ‘infatuated’ with That Actor… which I’m not, of course, I only have eyes for you… and the subsequent adorable outburst... along with the lengths you went to cheer me up." His eyes well with unshed tears. "It was so wonderful, my brain couldn't comprehend it, but I know that aegyo pained you."

"This might make me vain, but you bursting into tears as soon as I took my shirt off hurt way worse," Jun-ho quips with a teasing smile.

"That happened because I was so touched by you -"

"Actually, hyung, it was the reverse. I was..." He glances down. "I am touched by you."

He smirks at Hyeon's indignant squawking. "Okay, now that was cringe! You've been spending too much time with your brother, methinks." Maybe so, though Jun-ho is WAY funnier than In-ho. "But I'm sorry for offending you, baby. I was just so touch-... moved by how you sacrificed your body to cheer me up -"

"Pardon, but what sacrifice?" Jun-ho laughs in disbelief. Hyeon's fondness for his chest largely stems from how sensitive his nipples are. Letting his drop-dead-gorgeous partner fondle caress his toned pectoral muscles until he feels better? Not a burden in the slightest.

Unsurprisingly though, the Salesman continues on as if he never interrupted. "You know me so well, Jun-ho, you offered me my favorite part of you... umm, favorite part after your brain, and your personality, and your heart -"

"I understand what you meant," Jun-ho interjects. Again. "Hyung's favorite physical part of me is my rack. I take that as a compliment." He presses a gentle kiss to the center of Hyeon's palms. "As for me, I like hyung's hands."

A little too much, if they're being honest. And based on the older man's smug smirk, he knows it too. "I do have to ask though, darling. Were you really using That Actor's pictures for target practice?”

"Uh huh. And I've never shot better in my life, so take from that what you will."

Oh god...

A waterfall of tears gushes down Hyeon's cheeks. "You… you really do l-love me, don't you?" he hiccups. "I still don't... I don't think I'll ever understand why, but I... I believe you, sweetheart."

Such a silly hyung, Jun-ho thinks fondly to himself. He WOULD take my batshit crazy behavior as confirmation of my love, wouldn't he?

“Park Hyeon, I love you more than I'll ever be able to put into words. And I'll spend eternity proving it to you. But I..." Jun-ho nibbles on his bottom lip, trying to figure out the best way to explain his jumbled thoughts.

"Yes?" the Salesman prods. "Actually, hold that thought. I'm introducing a new rule... no biting yourself!" Hyeon doesn't just free Jun-ho's bottom lip from being torn apart by his fretful mannerisms - he replaces it with the his own hand. It's such a thoughtful gesture, it makes Jun-ho's chest ache. "Especially when I am RIGHT here!"

"Sacrificing your body to cheer me up, huh?" Because In-ho raised his little brother well, he politely bites to express his gratitude. Hyeon's hum of approval scratches something in Jun-ho's brain, but after a few seconds, he gently pushes the hand away. Now is the time to focus, and he can't do that with temptation incarnate hovering right in front of his face. "I feel it prudent to point out that the general consensus on my behavior would be the far opposite. Most people would find it… concerning."

“What? Seriously?! Why?” The older man's genuine shock is both adorable and mildly alarming. “I can only think of a handful of things that would be more romantic!" He snaps his fingers together. "Ooh, is that why it's concerning? Because it sets the bar really high?”

Oh Hyeon... sweet, wonderful, oblivious Hyeon.

“Hyung, I invented a fake scenario in my head, blew up at you over it, and publicly accused you of -"

“You were so concerned about losing me… which you never will, for the record… that you accidentally let your overactive imagination run amuck. After sulking for a week, you then had a frankly adorable hissy fit." It's obvious that Hyeon isn’t bullshitting him - this is legitimately how he views the situation. "Sure, your smart brain drew some wrong conclusions, but it happens to the best of us! Plus, we worked it out, didn't we, sweetheart?"

Jun-ho appreciates the attempt to comfort him, but his guilt refuses to abate. "Hyung, we both know -"

"That Envy isn’t logical!" the Salesman cuts in, forcing Jun-ho's head to nod. "You're totally right, of course. I remember the colorful emotions movie we watched when Ga-yeong was here. That big-headed blob was a menace, can't trust her at all."

"It's more than that." The truth sticks in Jun-ho's throat, but he forces it out. It has to be said. Hyeon needs to know. “My behavior was toxic, hyung… I am toxic.”

Even if Jun-ho had a million guesses to predict the Salesman's response, it wouldn't be enough. That's how unexpected it is.

"You're toxic." Before he can flee in shame, his partner winds his arms around his neck, trapping him in place. His breath is warm against Jun-ho’s ear, voice low and teasing. “I’m slippin’ under.” Hyeon licks a slow, wet stripe up Jun-ho's cheek, sending the younger man's brain into a meltdown. “With a taste of a poison paradise." He swipes his tongue across the other side, like he’s marking territory. “I’m addicted to you.”

Jun-ho collapses into helpless giggles - not because of the Britney Spears reference, but because of the proud, utterly unrepentant smile on Hyeon’s face. “Yah, how is this hyung so cute?” he wheezes, half-delighted, half-turned on (the latter is much more than half, which is super pathetic of him, but alas).

His husband is so, so lovely. While Jun-ho squirms around in his lap, desperately seeking a more comfortable position, Hyeon holds back any and all reactions. It makes it easier to pretend like his unexpected spike of arousal never happened.

“I know you are cute, but what am I?” Hyeon peppers Jun-ho's face with kisses so he can't respond. “My sweetest darling… I’m the LAST person who would ever think you’re toxic. If there's any of that happening here, it's coming from me." He grimaces. "I might have, erm... broken into your locked desk drawer?" Jun-ho fakes a gasp. "I'm so sorry, darling, it was wrong of me to invade your privacy like that -"

He snorts. "I broke into your house, hyung."

"True, but your reasoning wasn't shitty! Not like mine. When you suddenly began acting super sketchy about that drawer, I started to think... honestly, all kinds of crazy things. Like maybe you were hiding secret love notes or something in there.”

"Love notes?!" Jun-ho echoes perplexedly, arching an eyebrow. “Who the hell would send me something like that, other than you?”

Hyeon looks at him like he’s stupid, which is Not Nice. “Hmm, let me think... perhaps one of your many, many fanboys at work?”

“I have one fanboy.” He pokes his husband in the chest. “You... well, hopefully.”

“Of course I’m your fanboy, the first and best!" the Salesman declares haughtily, before letting out a heavy sigh. "But since everyone now knows that you're a boy kisser, as Min-ki would say, they’ve started crawling out of the woodwork... you seriously haven’t noticed how much free coffee you’ve been getting lately?”

“I did, thank you very much!”

“And…?”

Heat rises to Jun-ho's cheeks. “I thought you paid ahead or something. But instead of telling me outright, you told them to say it was 'on the house'.”

“Wow,” the older man whistles, shaking his head. “Just wow.”

“It’s something you would totally do, hyung!” Jun-ho protests, crossing his arms in mock indignation. Hyeon immediately pulls them apart to loop them around his neck. "We both know I'm right."

"Of course you are, darling." He playfully bites each of the Salesman's cheeks. Again. "Please accept your biggest fanboy's sincere apologies -"

Jun-ho suddenly remembers he isn't the only one with 'fanboys'. "While we're on the topic," he interrupts, his voice dropping into something darker, more possessive, “I might have put a dent in your fan club. And I'm not sorry about it."

His partner squints at him. "Darling, I am hurt. Who helped you hide the body?!"

"No body yet, though you'll be my first call if that changes." 

"My beloved, I'm so touched -"

"That's nice," the younger man drawls, graciously accepting his forehead smooch. "Anyway, I was coming back from my dentist appointment the other day, and that guy who kept hounding you for your number was loitering outside the agency. Once he admitted he was waiting for you... for personal reasons, I did verify that... I told him if I ever had the misfortune of seeing him again, he'd be arrested for stalking. And if he decided to test me, I’d ruin not only his life, but that of his friends and family too, starting with his assemblyman father.” Jun-ho pauses, then adds, “His obsession with you gave me bad vibes, so I did some digging the day we first met him... and I was right to be weirded out!”

The Salesman's bottom lip begins wobbling again. “Oh. That’s… Jun-ho, that’s so sweet.”

It's a lot of things, but 'sweet'? Mmm, not quite. But Jun-ho is too emotionally drained to argue. “Looks like I win,” he purrs, nuzzling their cheeks together.

But of course, as much as Park Hyeon loves him, he would never, ever let Jun-ho claim victory so easily.

“Did you know That Actor is a huge fan of mine?” the older man casually asks, like he’s not at all concerned about the possibility of detonating Jun-ho’s entire emotional equilibrium.

"Okay, and?" Jun-ho balks. "Who isn’t, hyung?”

As if Park Hyeon wasn’t already perfect enough, he had to go and be the author of Jun-ho’s all-time favorite book series. The novels - which Hyeon writes under a pseudonym - are even more precious to him now that he knows his hyung penned those words.

“Please don't be jealous, darling, there's no need." Eyes sparkling, Hyeon brushes their noses together. "Since I thought you were His fan, I asked Editor Kwon to reach out to his assistant about the possibility of arranging a private meeting between the three of us.”

The confession sends a chaotic rush of emotions flooding through him - envy, confusion, and disbelief among them. Jun-ho isn't keen on Hyeon meeting That Man in person... so much so, he might call Editor Kwon himself and cancel the whole thing. But more than that…

“You’d reveal your identity as the author of the Ascension series, so I could meet some random actor?... even though you loathe how much I like said actor?” Jun-ho already knows the answer. But for reasons he doesn't understand, he needs to hear it come from Hyeon's own mouth.

"Of course." The Salesman leans closer, slowly, teasingly so, never breaking eye contact. When he finally presses their mouths together, a soft sigh slips past Jun-ho's lips. Initially, the kiss is gentle and tender. But as it deepens, it becomes something entirely different. There's no heat, no flames of passion, no urgency. This isn't about love anymore. It's more than that. This is reverence. Devotion. This is Hyeon saying that Jun-ho is nothing short of sacred, and he will dedicate his life to worshipping at his alter. “I’d do that," the older man murmurs against his lips, "and so much more for you, darling.”

Fuck.

Now that is sweet. Devastatingly so.

Jun-ho's throat tightens at the confession. "Hyungie, that’s -"

Aish.

But Hyeon isn’t done.

“Seeing the two of us in person, side-by-side... what better way to prove to you that I’m the superior choice? And since That Actor is my fan, the least I can do is warn him about what will happen if I ever catch him near you, talking to you, looking at you -” The Salesman's lips drop into a fierce pout when he suddenly bursts into uncontrollable laughter. "What's so funny?" In a desperate attempt to rein it in, Jun-ho slaps a hand over his own mouth. It muffles the sound, but does nothing to stop the tears slipping down his cheeks. "To be clear, darling, I am dead serious... heh, get it? Because he'll die if he doesn't heed my warning?" Still trying to fight off his giggles, Jun-ho rolls his eyes so Hyeon doesn't get the wrong idea. "Boo, you meanie, that was actually funny!" Cute. "Le sigh, nobody gets me." So cute.

Without thinking, Jun-ho wipes his face - including his runny nose - with a corner of the blanket. Hyeon recoils back, looking disgusted. Whelp, guess he lied when he said he thinks everything Jun-ho does is cute, hmm? As if reading his mind, the Salesman's expression suddenly becomes sheepish... it just makes Jun-ho laugh ten times harder. Which is dangerous, go figure. 

"Eeek!" Jun-ho squeals, toppling backwards out of Hyeon's lap.

Thankfully, his partner has such honed reflexes. "Good riddance," Hyeon tuts, his hands gripping tightly to Jun-ho's shoulders. "What am I going to do with this darling, hmm? He finds danger everywhere he goes!" A pause. "Okay seriously, Jun-ho, what on Earth is so funny?” 

He remains in the dark longer than he should, oopsie. But it's not Jun-ho's fault! As soon as he regains a sliver of his composure, a picture floats across the forefront of his mind - Hyeon and That Man facing off against each other, like they're stars on a dating show vying to win his love. The love that Hyeon already has. It’s so ridiculous... but also... kinda fitting, given the spat they just had... he can't stop howling.

Once Jun-ho finally collects himself, he croons, “Congratulations, Contestant Number One! You are the winner of this season’s, ‘Who Is Conventionally More Toxic?’” He holds out an imaginary microphone. “Please tell the world how you're feeling right now.”

Hyeon presses his lips into a flat line, undoubtedly struggling against Jun-ho's overwhelming charm. "A little worried for my darling's mental health, if I'm being honest."

Oh shit, that's right.

"I was laughing because I should have realized you'd have ulterior motives to revealing yourself to That Actor. It's so you." Jun-ho holds a hand up when his partner winces. "It wasn't my intention to make you feel bad, hyung. Obviously, I think it's hilarious. Though I... I'm not sure if I want that?"

The look of relief that flashes across the Salesman's face is quickly replaced by a frown. "Does this count against my flawless gift giving record?"

"Not at all." Pecking Hyeon on the lips, Jun-ho then pompously clears his throat. "So how does our champion feel now?"

"Hmm..." The older man rubs his chin, projecting an illusion of intense contemplation. “Greedy. Do I get a prize?”

"Indeed." With a dramatic flourish, Jun-ho rips the blanket off himself. Considering what happened last time, he's taking a risk here. But to his relief, tears don't seem to be in the forecast anymore. “Your prize, Contestant Number One, is moi!" he proudly declares, drinking in the sight of those pretty pink cheeks he loves so much.

Hyeon's gaze sweeps hungrily over every inch of his bare chest. "Couldn't ask for a better -"

But Jun-ho isn't finished. "Me, next season’s victor.”

"Is that so?" When the younger man nods, a smirk curls across the Salesman's lips. “Alright then. Game on, mon amour."

Since shaking hands feels a little too impersonal in this case, to demonstrate their good sportsmanship, they lean in for a kiss at the same time. It's heated, possessive, and so full of love, Jun-ho almost feels guilty when he pulls away to suck a dark bruise - a brand - into the unblemished skin of his husband's neck. Almost.

Time is a human construct, and Karma doesn't abide by it.

Cocooned in Hyeon’s impossibly soft bedding, Jun-ho is halfway to dreamland when he’s jolted awake by a firm shake. "Darling -"

"Already had g'night kisses, hyungie," he mumbles, burrowing deeper. "Bye."

"I'm sorry, but -"

"Mmm, your butt is nice. I'll bite it t'mrow."

"What about -"

"No."

"You have to -"

"Sleep, yes."

"Jun-ho."

"Hyung, this is toxic!"

"Baby -"

“Go'way!” Jun-ho whines miserably, voice muffled by layers of blanket and exhaustion. "Please go bye."

Between a full day at work, the emotional rollercoaster of their earlier spat, and the hours spent making up - complete with Hyeon putting those mesmerizing hands of his to good use (the sexy way + to wash Jun-ho's hair + the sexy way, Shower Version + a back rub in bed that nearly sent him to another plane of existence) - he is utterly spent. Seriously, Jun-ho has never felt this serene, this satiated in his entire life. His body feels like melted wax. His soul? Goo.

“I’m so sorry, darling,” Hyeon says gently, “but you need to get up.”

Jun-ho catches fragments of the explanation - ‘go’, ‘I’ll drive', ‘die’, and ‘funeral’. Those alarming words, combined with the urgency in his partner's voice, convince him to roll out of bed. Groggy and glassy-eyed, he lets Hyeon dress him like a doll; shirt tugged over his head, shoes slipped on, essentials stuffed into his pockets. Once he's deemed ready to depart, Jun-ho reluctantly trails after his husband. Head lowered, he only notices that the older man has stopped when he runs face-first into him.

"Sorry about that, darling." The Salesman entwines their fingers together, aww, how sweet... nope, never mind. Using their linked hands to his advantage, he proceeds to haul lead Jun-ho through the living room. "We'll sleep at your house tonight, okay?"

Hyeon's tone is nice, but the words? Mean and threatening!

Jun-ho lets out another pitiful whine. "Hyungie, no!" His bed is a sad imitation of the cloud he just left. His partner hasn't said it outright, but it's obvious he prefers spending the night at Jun-ho's, so god only knows when he'll be back! "Mad at me?"

“Not at all," the older man snorts, dropping a kiss to the top of his head. "It just makes sense since we'll already be there to check on your fish." He unlocks the front door. “But I can drive us back -"

"F-fish?" Jun-ho asks around a sleepy yawn.

"Yes, cutie, your fish." The Salesman lightly pokes his cheek. "Can't believe you adopted a child without telling me. Once I find out what kind it is, I'll buy them a suitable companion and a tank to keep here. Ooh, and did you know they make travels kits, so transportation is easier? We should look into something like that. Seems cruel to leave them alone in an empty apartment all the time, don't you think?"

Most of the words go right over Jun-ho's head. No matter how bone-deep tired he is, his mind always has enough energy to spiral into chaos. Oh god, his fish! How could he forget about his child? Of course he has to check on his fish! Hyeon is such a good husband. It's fucking hot how responsible he is. Gosh, the poor thing, Jun-ho is the worst fish dad ever. He'd be so lost without... wait.

Taking a deep breath, Jun-ho nervously breaks the news. "There is no fish, hyungie."

"No fish?" Hyeon repeats bemusedly. "What does that mean?"

"It means I don't have a fish -"

"Of course you have a fish, you were going to feed it earlier -"

"Hyung, I am NOT a fish-dad. I am a liar." A heavy silence settles over the room. Hyeon stares blankly at him. Jun-ho can practically see the gears turning in his head. Since it's late, he helps his partner along. "I wanted to sulk about you loving That Man, so I made up an excuse to justify going home. Hence, imaginary fish."

The Salesman lets out the fakest laugh Jun-ho has ever heard. "Of course, it was imaginary. I totally knew that. I was just messing with you... April Fools!" It's October, but go off I guess. "Heh, glad you caught on before we left the apartment. Would have been really awkward otherwise."

"Right."

"What a great prank I pulled, non?" Hyeon playfully punches him. Jun-ho's eyes drift from his husband, to the red spot on his arm, back to his husband. Grimacing, the older man sheepishly kisses his ouchie better. "Alright, fun is over. Let's go back to bed... my bed... because we're still at my apartment -"

Jun-ho sighs. "You're upset, aren't you?"

"No, no, of course not -"

"Hyung."

Avoiding his gaze, Hyeon taps his index fingers together. "Upset is such a dirty word -"

"Hyung."

"I just thought... wouldn't matching fish tanks be cute?" he blurts. "And some fish that live in the same tank, so they can fall in love. Like us! Then we can have a little wedding for them, like ours! And if we have a male and female, they might have babies... unlike us, though that means grandfish! Wouldn't that be so adorable, Jun-ho?"

"Umm... yeah? Yeah. That sounds -" Jun-ho muffles a yawn into the crook of his elbow. "Cute. Love it, hyung."

With a fond smile, the Salesman leans in and licks his cheek like a kitten. "I'm sorry for waking you up, darling." Another lick. "Can you ever forgive me?"

"Umm..."

Why is his brain suddenly completely offline again?

"Pretty please?" Hyeon lightly trails his tongue from Jun-ho’s chin, to the shell of his ear. "If you'd prefer, I could show you how sorry I am?"

Once bedtime arrives, his hyung's apartment becomes a giant freezer. That explains the shiver running down his spine. "S'okay, was my fault. Not yours."

"Technically, it was mine -"

Jun-ho holds his arms out. "Carry me, hyung?"

After emptying his pockets and removing his shoes, Jun-ho climbs onto the Salesman's back. He must doze off mid-trek, because next thing he knows, they’re back in the bedroom. “Your chariot has arrived, Your Highness.”

"Yay." Hyeon grabs his shoulder before he can crawl into bed, turning his cheers to jeers. "Boo, hiss! What now, hyungie?"

"Can you please check your pockets again? Something was pressing into my back, and I -"

Half-asleep, Jun-ho spreads his arms. “Permission to feel me up, granted.”

"Never mind, d-disregard," Hyeon squeaks.

"Wow."

His husband accurately translates the true meaning of that singular 'wow'. "Not an insult, darling. It's just, erm... no longer needed. So you are free to go."

The abrupt switcheroo awakens Jun-ho's inner brat. "But hyung, what if I stuffed a gun in my pants when you weren't looking?"

"If it shoots off in the middle of the night, I'll just do laundry in the morning. Problem solved." Spinning him around, Hyeon nudges him toward the bed. "Night night."

"Your lack of concern for our safety is alarming," he petulantly huffs, planting his feet.

Moving to stand behind him, Hyeon gently tugs Jun-ho's shirt off. “I’m not the one stuffing guns in my pants.”

"Maybe I wanted you to frisk me."

He rests his chin on Jun-ho’s shoulder. "Contrary to what you believe, I am a big proponent of safety." The contrasting sensations of his partner's warm breath against his chilled skin is so distracting, it takes Jun-ho a moment to realize Hyeon is laughing. “So I’m gonna be the big spoon tonight, kay?"

"Is something funny -"

Without warning, Hyeon sweeps Jun-ho off his feet, literally, and tosses him onto the mattress. “Night night, young man... you really are in the prime of your life, huh?”

"Why you bein' so weird?" Jun-ho grumbles, baring his teeth when Hyeon tries to snuggle.

The older man sighs. "You don't even realize, do you?" Confused, Jun-ho shakes his head... then startles when a hand palms him through his borrowed athletic shorts. "Would you like me to fix that, darling?"

Yawning again, Jun-ho pushes the hand away from the very obvious tent in his pants - where the hell did that come from? "You did earlier. Twice. So thanks, but no thanks. Sleep time."

"I gotta admit though," Hyeon says with a soft laugh, "you having such a primal, visceral reaction to being licked is validating." Is that where it came from?! "Given your penchant for biting me every chance you get, I was worried I mischaracterized you in my book... did you fall asleep on me, darling?"

"No," Jun-ho murmurs, turning onto his side for proper cuddling. As soon as Hyeon’s arm wraps around him, he sinks his teeth into it, smirking when his ears catch a muted yelp. "Not a were. Not a vamp. A hybrid. Best of both worlds."

"Thanks for sharing." Hyeon pulls him securely into his chest. "Goodnight, Hannah Montana."

Jun-ho exhales in (emotional) frustration. “How do you know that reference, but not, ‘This is my thirteenth reason’?!” His question is met with silence. It goes on for long enough, he assumes Hyeon must have fallen asleep. Unacceptable. Parting his lips, Jun-ho lets a small string of saliva slip off his tongue. The Salesman flinches violently when it hits his skin. Too busy snickering to himself, Jun-ho doesn't notice the hand moving closer to his face... until Hyeon dries the wet his appendage on his cheek.

"I'm regretting not stuffing a real gun into my pants," Jun-ho says flatly.

"Aww, darling, you don't mean that."

Suddenly, a snippet of a memory pops into his mind - the barrel of a gun sliding past Hyeon's lips, his head titled coyly. A hint of a smirk had tugged at the corners of his mouth, like he was silently daring the hostage-taker to pull the trigger. God, and then the (figurative) kill shot; the way he fluttered his eyelashes so prettily. It was the most obscene thing Jun-ho had ever seen in his life... obscenely hot, that is.

"You're right, hyung, I would never bring a real gun to bed." A pause for dramatics. "Cuz you'd probably deepthroat it, and then I'd be forced to remind the Captain that he never sent me to therapy."

The Salesman barks out a laugh. "Mmm, because you'd like it a little too much, wouldn't you?" he asks, licking the sensitive spot at the base of Jun-ho's neck. "Which makes your guilt complex go haywire."

"Heh, pfft, not at all -"

"Liar."

"Excuse you?!"

"Baby, you said it yourself."

"I did not."

Obnoxiously clearing his throat, the older man then proceeds to do a TERRIBLE impersonation of Jun-ho. "'Please don’t misunderstand, hyung. It was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen in my life, even better than watching you threaten that creep from Narcotics.'"

"That doesn't even sound like me -"

"But those were your words."

"... hyungie, I told you that in confidence!"

Frustrated for an entirely different reason, Jun-ho flips over to face his husband. The first thing he sees? Hyeon’s smirk. Like he fully anticipated this response. And based on how eagerly he drags Jun-ho into a passionate kiss, he absolutely did.

"And you should have confidently known I'd wield that knowledge to my benefit," the Salesman purrs, voice like velvet as he straddles him. Moonlight spills across his face, sharpening the angles of his beauty. Jun-ho feels his throat tighten. God, how did he end up here, with Park Hyeon, of all people? What did he do in his past life to get THIS lucky? "Since we're all about safety, I'll just have to deepthroat something else then, hmm? Maybe a different kind of gun?"

... and how does he keep getting luckier and luckier? The offer to share a new experience with the man he loves sweeps away his exhaustion with startling ease.

Third time's the charm, huh?

Unfortunately, with his exhaustion disappearing, Jun-ho's brain kicks into overdrive. “You’re not just humoring me, are you?" he asks, his tone toeing the line between playful and serious. "Or doing this because you think -"

Hyeon bites his left pec. Hard. "Said with oodles of love, but you think too much, my pretty darling." When Jun-ho opens his mouth again, a sassy remark on the tip of his tongue, the opposite pec gets the same ouchie treatment. "I'm offering because I want to, no ulterior motive." He then answers Jun-ho's next question without him needing to so much as blink. "And yes, if you want, you can return the favor afterwards. Because that's fair, and the only thing you love more than me is fairness, right?" Smiling sweetly, he curls his fingers into Jun-ho's waistband. "May I proceed?"

A part of Jun-ho doesn't believe it.

And that may seem like a weird thing to stress about, but with Hyeon's self-sacrificing nature, he has to be extremely mindful of things like this. When they first got together, they had several lengthy discussions about physical intimacy. Hyeon's only sexual encounters - which he forced himself to do to appear 'normal' - occurred with a single person over two decades ago. Prior to meeting Jun-ho, he'd never been interested in being with anyone, either romantically or physically. So this aspect of their relationship is, understandably, a major source of anxiety for him. From the very beginning, Jun-ho promised that he’d be perfectly content, even if kissing was as far as they ever went. But Hyeon being Hyeon, tried to push himself out of his comfort zone almost immediately. Following some *drama* and another heart-to-heart (where Hyeon admitted he feared Jun-ho would grow unsatisfied with their relationship if they never 'did stuff'), they came to an agreement - he wouldn't touch Jun-ho until he was comfortable being touched in return. And if that never happened? No biggie. Jun-ho has two perfectly good hands, so he can touch himself just fine, thank you very much.

Speaking of hands...

Sweet Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, his husband's hands are divine. They feel so much better than his own. It is totally possible that Jun-ho is working himself into a tizzy simply because he's nervous. Hyeon's mouth on him? Phew. What a concept! But the possibility of getting his mouth on Hyeon? Phewwwww.

Hyeon lights flicks the tip of his nose. "Earth to darling?"

"No, you may not proceed." They stare silently at each other. Realizing that Jun-ho is serious, Hyeon's face falls, but he respectfully crawls off him (while sporting an adorable pout). He's in the process of rolling over when Jun-ho grabs his arm. "Excuse you, don't turn away from me when I'm talking to you." His husband blinks. "Park Hyeon, you have fallen drastically behind on your," he ticks them off on his fingers, "kisses, licks, and bites quota. Additionally, my rack sustained an injury, so your attention is direly needed there. Once those issues are remediated to my satisfaction, then you may proceed to the next task."

"Are you..." The Salesman's eyes brim so brightly with hope, it's visible even in the low light of the room. "Really?"

Jun-ho smirks. "Better get to work, hyung." He fakes a yawn. "You've got a lot of -"

He lets out an oomph when his husband pounces.