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Alt. 4. Lullaby
It had been about a week since Harry had gotten a full night’s sleep. He was exhausted and it was starting to affect his course work; he had a hard time keeping himself awake during lessons, was forgetful, and was even messing up plays on the quidditch pitch.
One morning he got a note when the owls delivered the daily mail. It was from Severus.
H-
Please come to my office after your last lesson.
-S
“Who’s that from?” Ron asked, reading over Harry’s shoulder.
“Severus.” Harry swallowed around the sudden lump in his throat. Was he in trouble? He knew he wasn’t doing his best in classes, but he was just so tired. If the damn nightmares would stop, he’d be thriving; Voldemort had other ideas for him, apparently.
Harry went though the day in a cloud of anxiety and exhaustion. By the end of his lessons, he was sure that Severus was going to yell and scream at him for slacking off. He was so anxious about it that he felt like he could throw up, and his hands wouldn’t stop shaking. After taking a deep breath, he knocked on Severus’ office door with his shaking hand and waited for a response.
“Enter,” Severus called.
Harry walked into the office and glanced at his guardian. Severus was sitting at his desk, potions papers spread out before him. The door closed behind Harry, and Harry gulped audibly before sitting across from Severus. He didn’t dare look Severus in the eyes, in case the older man was angry, and instead looked down at his shoes.
“How was your day?” Severus asked. The exhaustion was clear on Harry’s features, and Severus had seen the decline in the boy’s schoolwork.
“Fine.” Harry wasn’t sure why he was there, but he wished their meeting would be over quickly.
Severus paused, taking note of how on edge Harry seemed. “You’re not in trouble, Harry. I just want to check in.” He waited for Harry to meet his eye. “Have you been sleeping?”
Harry glanced up at Severus and shrugged. “The nightmares have been bad lately.” Admitting that he was struggling felt ridiculous, but he didn’t think he was getting out of Severus’ office without doing so.
“How long has this been going on?”
“About a week now.” Harry fidgeted with his hands.
“Why didn’t you come to me sooner?” Severus frowned at how uncomfortable Harry seemed to be.
Harry shrugged. “Everyone has nightmares sometimes.”
“Harry,” Severus started. “Look at me.” He waited until Harry looked up. “It’s okay to ask me for help. Especially when you have the Dark Lord trying to break into your mind. It would make anyone lose sleep.”
Harry just looked back down at his hands. He knew there wasn’t a sleeping potion he could take—he’d already asked Madame Pomfrey for one. She would only give him one per month so that he didn’t get addicted to the potion, so he’d just stopped asking for it.
“Does it help when you sleep down in my quarters?” It made Severus’ chest ache, how tired Harry looked. He’d do anything to let the boy get some much needed rest.
Harry nodded sheepishly.
“Very well. Stay in my quarters for awhile, until you’re more rested. Is there anything else you feel might help you?”
Harry shrugged, not lifting his eyes from his hands.
“Would you like to go up to dinner? Or would you rather go straight to bed?”
Harry yawned, answering Severus’ question without speaking. “You don’t have to come, I can go by myself.”
“Nonsense. I want to be there if you need me.” Severus stood from his desk, waved his wand to stack the papers neatly in a pile, and strode to the door. “Shall we?”
Harry reluctantly followed Severus out of his office and down the hall to their private quarters. There was a fire going in the sitting room, and dinner was spread out on the table in the kitchen.
“Have something to eat before you turn in,” Severus instructed before sitting down.
Harry did as he was told and sat in his usual chair. He picked at his dinner, knowing that Severus would call him out for not eating much, but he was feeling a little nauseated from lack of sleep.
To Harry’s surprise, Severus allowed him to go to bed once he stopped pushing food around his plate. “Go on, get some sleep. I’ll be right here if you need me.”
Harry pushed back from the table and trudged to his room, his legs feeling like cement. He stripped out of his school robes and clothes, pulled on his pajamas, and curled up in his bed. He fell asleep quickly, as he usually did, but it wasn’t long before he was jolted awake, sweating and shaking, his stomach roiling with a nightmare.
Swallowing thickly, Harry pushed the blankets back and scurried out of his room and down the hall to the bathroom, dropping to his knees once he was in front of the toilet.
Vomiting because of his nightmares wasn’t a new development, but this particular bout seemed to go on longer than usual.
Severus found him there, draped over the toilet bowl, dry heaving until he burst the blood vessels in his chin and cheeks. “Oh, Harry,” Severus whispered, kneeling next to the boy. “You’re alright.” Severus ran a hand up and down Harry’s back, wincing as the boy’s muscles coiled and strained, bringing up nothing but strings of bile.
“Sorry,” Harry whimpered after he was done. He wiped his mouth and nose with toilet tissue and flushed, leaning back on his heels.
“Don’t apologize.” Severus stood and wet a cloth in the sink, handing it to Harry once the boy was seated on the floor with his back against the wall. “Care to discuss what the nightmare entailed?”
Harry shook his head, shivering at the remnants of the dream; he couldn’t remember exactly what it was about, but knew it was something awful. “I’m okay.”
“You’re not. Think you can return to bed?” Severus held out a hand and helped Harry up, steadying him once he was on his feet. “Are you feeling ill?”
“No, just tired.” Harry replied. He went back to his room and crawled under the blankets. Severus was standing in his doorway watching him. “Would you, maybe, sit with me until I fall asleep?”
“Certainly.” Severus crossed the room and sat on the edge of the bed, resting a hand on Harry’s side while the boy closed his eyes. “Would it help to hear a lullaby?”
Harry’s eyes popped open. “A lullaby?” Even knowing that Severus had a little bit of a soft spot for him, Harry couldn’t imagine him singing.
“Yes, I assume you know what they are?” Severus rolled his eyes and flicked his wand. A soft lullaby sung by a woman started playing throughout the room, and Severus smiled at Harry’s surprise. “Did you think I was going to sing to you?”
Harry huffed out a laugh. “Er, yeah, actually. Kind of glad you aren’t.”
“I’m afraid we’d both be in the hospital wing if I did.” Severus winked at his ward and started scratching Harry’s head. “Go to sleep.”
Harry felt his eyes grow heavy, slip shut, and he drifted off to sleep to the sound of a lullaby and the feeling of Severus’ gentle fingers massaging his scalp.