Work Text:
Five Months and More
They phoned each other every day. It’s a habit. It’s a must. It’s an urgent need.
The night before Rich left him for Germany, Lee gave him a tight hug, whimpering by his ear, “When can I see you again?”
“I won’t come back till next April, so that’s more than five months.”
“That’s soooooo long! Sometimes I really hate our jobs keeping us apart for such an outrageously long period of time.”
“Come on, babe. Don’t be daft. You can fly over to see me when your filming is done.”
“Yeeeeeees! And we can ramble around Berlin, trying its incredibly yummy currywust; and visit Chris’ house, teasing my dear little nephew Jena; and meet the cast and crew, seeing if I can get a cameo next season(I bet there must be one); and…” Lee nuzzled his nape, voice smothered.
“And what?” Rich turned and gave an endearing peck in Lee’s soft hair.
“And I’ll miss you as hell when you are not around, so YOU’d better CALL every day.”
“Oh yes Lippy, remind me now WHO is the one that actually called me and kept nagging when I was in Europe last year? And WHO is really the phone-sex lover?”
Lee blushed, “You shameless dickie.”
But Rich didn’t say how moved he was when he heard Lee would “miss him as hell”, while Lee didn’t say how frustrated he was when he thought of the incoming separation. Again, the Atlantic tore them apart. He should have been used to it, as it had happened every year since they first met. But he couldn’t. There was a tilt of pain tugging his heart at the thought of leaving his dear, so far away, for such a long time. When shall this end? At their forties? Fifties? Sixties? Well, if they are so very fortunate, neither their audience nor themselves ever tired of their acting, then they might just be able to keep doing the dream job as they wished since their youth. Besides, Rich wants to be a director or producer in the future, possibly busy as hell filming his Master and Margaret at his seventies.
But will it ever end? Will they ever be together and never part from each other again? “Com'on, what a naive wish!” that tug was rough. “Don’t be daft.” He remembered Rich’s words. If it’s as the cliché says that life is a string of departures and reunions, then life might as well be a big loop to make his “end” meet with Richard’s, for when they reunite for the last time, death, eventually, will take them apart.
Oops, lost in self-nagging again.
Oh Rich dear, you sleep like a baby.
***
“When will you come home?”
“Four months and 13 days.”
“When can I see you again?”
“Till Christmas I guess, so that’s in a month or so?”
“Wrong! It’s tomorrow! My part was finished in advance this afternoon~ I am flying across the ocean to~ see~ you~.”
“…”
“Rich?”
“…”
“Are you OK?”
“Nothing… It’s… it’s just… that I find myself so fucking miss you.”
“Yeah sweetie, not miss fucking me?”
Rich just laughed, clearing his suddenly tightened throat, swallowing back tears itchy in his eyes. An unexpected emotional outbreak. Silently exploded. Maybe it’s just the damned frizzy wind in Berlin. Maybe it’s just the harsh German here, never sounding as tender and hilarious as Lee’s when he parodied. Maybe it’s just because he’s too weak to admit he missed Lee so much. He missed the curling swirl behind his left ear, the thick tubby earlobes, the slightly skewed pretty nose, the forever reddened plumb cheeks, the rosy juicy lips, the little double chins, the long thin neck, the speckled broad shoulders…, all of which he could caress, tease, nimble, slick and bite, as playfully as he wanted, as hard as he wished.
But he told nothing.
If Lee, or anyone passing by to be honest, could see his face now, they would have known it from the gloomy look distorted by the wry smile and the saddened eyes. Lee would have known Rich was berating himself, again, for the unprofessional vulnerability of being easily distracted by a word from his boyfriend even during shooting. Although as an actor, he should undoubtedly “feel things”, it does not mean he need even shed tears at the news that his boyfriend is coming. Darn it! How are you supposed to be the calm, disciplinary, resourceful spy later? Jesus, put up yourself and stop this sentimental nonsense! In less than 24 hours, you CAN see Lee…
“Hey darling, you still there?”
“hm. I mean yes.”
“If you miss me too much, try saving a kiss every time you think of me when you shouldn’t, like on the set, in your costume, and then pay them back to me when I’m around.”
“Oi, shouldn’t it be you to pay me?” Rich broke into a genuine grin, feeling relieved. Lee’s voice always had the power to soothe him, to nudge him away from his maddening soliloquies, to lull him into peace.
He never longed for anyone in particular so hard as it was now, well, perhaps except for that time when he was in the Budapest circus dreaming of his mom’s company. How come the love of his life turned into his greatest liability? His biggest weakpoint? But then, how come his partner became his sole saviour?
Oh, he would never tell him that secret word. “Saviour”. Couldn’t bear his smuggling face. Not even in a blink.