Work Text:
* It's an old rotary phone. It appears to still be connected.
* You lift the receiver.
* Beep. Beep. Beep.
* There are 9 saved messages. Dial 1 to play messages.
❤️Dial 1 Do Not
* You wonder how a phone as old as this is capable of storing messages. Slowly, you turn the dial to 1.
* * *
* Now playing message 1 of 9
Hello? Hello?! Are you there?
Please... answer me...
Come on!! Why won't you answer?! I didn't sign it, okay?! You – you must know that, right? I didn't sign his fucking contract, I just ran. I just ran... And I won't go back. I won't tell him about our deal, I won't tell ANYONE about it, just like I promised! You can trust me! You know you can trust me!!
I'll... I'll do whatever you ask, just please – don't ignore me like this!
…
*sigh*
*click*
* * *
* Now playing message 2 of 9
Hello? Are... are you going to answer me today?
I-if you're there, please just SAY something. Anything at all!
I need you to help me. My sales have started to drop overnight. That's not right! You told me this wouldn't happen! You promised me!! Please, just tell me how to fix all of this!
P-please, c'mon! You... you wouldn't leave your old pal Spamton hanging like this, would you?
...would you?!
Ugh, damn it, my head hurts. Everything hurts actually, I don't know what's wrong with me. There's too much happening right now. I just... I just can't do this on my own, you know I can't! What about our deal?!
If any of this is getting through to you - please, please call me as soon as you can...
*click*
* * *
* Now playing message 3 of 9
Did you send these to me? The glasses. They just appeared on my doorstep this morning. I asked a few people here about it, and no-one saw them getting delivered.
They're... they're very unique, I'm not sure if pink and yellow will match my suit – but if you think they will, then I'll wear them!! Anything to improve my image, ehaehaehaehae!!!
Maybe they'll help with my headache too. Shit, my whole body aches at the moment, especially my joints. It's probably from all the stress. Do you think so? That might explain the nightmares too. I keep having these godawful nightmares about... about strings... and... hands...
…
My sales are still going down the drain. I don't know what to do, it's all just going to hell and I don't know how to stop it. I need your help. I've... I've done everything you asked. I even – I even gave up on him...
*sigh*
I've kept my promise to you. You know I have!! Please, help me...
…
*click*
* * *
* Now playing message 4 of 9
Hello?
…
I – I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm still in agony, and everything is still falling apart around me.
I'm... I'm scared.
I'm scared that you'll never answer me again, and it'll keep getting worse, and then... what if they throw me out?! I won't be able to stay here if I'm not a BIG SHOT any more!
No. No, get a grip, Spam. Surely Queen isn't that ruthless!
I guess there's always... the basement. The angelic body that you told me about before. Did you tell me about it because it's going to help me now? Is that it? Should I go to that, instead of calling you?
That can't be right, can it?
Please. I'm begging you. Just answer me. I... I feel like I'm losing my mind. Sometimes I don't feel like I'm in control of my own thoughts, or my own body. I can't sleep. The pain in my joints is getting worse every day. The glasses aren't helping my headaches either.
C-can you help me?
…
*click*
* * *
* Now playing message 5 of 9
I need to speak to you. I'm desperate. I don't understand what the hell is happening to me!
I went to the basement yesterday, after I tried to call you. I looked to it for guidance. And I saw something embedded in it. A glass shard. It's beautiful. But it scares me. I didn't take it, but... just looking at it... it [[made me FE3L like ]] -
Wh- what was that?
That's – no, that's not what I wanted to say. That's [[something else!]] -
[No].
No, no [[n0]]!!
My voice. What's [[ALL HAPPENING]] to my voice?! I... I can't [STOP] it...
[[$!$$]]!!!
PLEASE [ANSWER THE PHONE]! I DON'T UNDERstAND!!
I want to [[Make It Stop]].
P-PLE4SE...
*you hear the sound of muffled sobbing*
…
*click*
* * *
* Now playing message 6 of 9
[Are we connected]?
They're starting to [Take Notice]. The [[sTAFF]] at the mansion. They're [Starting Now!] to notice that... s0mething's [[ALL HAPPENING]] to me.
I've been going to the basement every [single] day. Praying. But they keep trying to stop me! Saying it's [[Restricted Area]].
Questions. [[Questions?]]. They keep asking me questions. But it's okay! I won't tell them!! Won't tell them about our [specil deal]! Won't tell them about the NEO [Workout-Ready Body]!! I WON'T!!!
[You see], I told you I wouldn;t! I told you the [[Trade Secrets]] is s4fe with me!! I TOLD YOU!!! EHAEHAEHAEHAEHAEHAE!!!
Do you [Believe It Or Not]? Will – will you [[speak To me]] again now?!
WILL YOU?!
[Is Anyone there?]
…
*click*
* * *
* Now playing message 7 of 9
Have you done this to me? Is this... is this some sort of [[divine punishment]]?
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for almost [[selling the secret]]. I'll do anything! Anything at all!! Just please... please... make it [[STOP]].
It's not just [[The Voice of ]]. It's my body too. The pain... it's constant now... [It burns!! Help me! It burns!]
My hands. They look [all wrong]. They FEEL wrong. It's the joints. They look... almost – almost like...
*you hear a cracking sound*
AAAAARGH!!!
Changing, th-they're changing... I'm – I'm...
*you hear more cracking, along with groaning*
No – s-stop – I –
Please, [HELP] ME!
Ugh.... m-my jaw, [[It's ]]... it-
*you hear an extremely loud crunch, followed by a blood-curdling scream which is abruptly cut off*
* * *
* Now playing message 8 of 9
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO [[Answer Me!]] ARE YOU? YOU'RE [Never Ever] GOING TO ANSWeR ME.
I CAN;T SHOW MY FACE IN THE MANSION NOW. IT;S NOT EVEN [[my face]] ANY MORE! I'M NOT [[me]] ANY MOR<E!!
I HAVE TO HIDE FROM [them]. TO GET TO THE BASEMENT. [[SNEAKING]] PAST THEM SO ThaT I CAN GO AND [[pray]]. PRAYING [[All Day, Every Day]].
[Heaven], ARE YOU WATCHING? CAN YOU HELP ME?!?!
*you hear a harsh buzz – like a glitch in the audio*
…
WHY?! [Y]?! WHY DID THIS [[have to happen]]?! WHAT DID [i] DO WRONG?! WHY AM I JUST A...
…
IT'S [Game OVer]. MY SALES HAVE [STOPPED] COMPLETELY. I'VE [[Lost Control of My Life]]. I CAN;T DO THIS WITHOUT YOU. WITHOUT OUR [[Specil Deal]]. AND YOU [[Abandoned me for ]]. LEFT ME [[All Alone On A Late Night?]]
ALL ALONE.
ALL ALONE.
ALL ALONE.
ALL ALONE.
ALL ALONE.
ALL ALONE.
I'VE [Lost] EVERYTHING. I;VE LOST EVERY ONE. I CAN'T [[Talk Now]] TO ANY OF THEM. THEY JUST W4NT TO [Get Rid] OF ME,. I KNOW THEY [do]. I'VE HEARD THEM TALKING [[All About]] ME. THEY DON'T GIVE A [[$!$!]]. NO ONE WANTS TO KNOW [[Spamton G Spamton]] ANYMORE. NO ONE WANTS TO [Press F1 For] HELP.
No one cares.
BUT YOU. YOU UNDERSTAND ME! YOU<re THE [[Only One]] WHO UNDERSTANDS ME! PLEASE JUST [[talk to me]]. BEFORE IT'S [TO0 LATE].
*click*
* * *
* Now playing message 9 of 9
HELP!!!! I [[Need you]] TO ANSWER!!!
THEY;RE COMING [For Me]!!!
GO1NG TO THROW ME [[OUT ONTO THE STREETS]]!!!
WAIT – WAIT – WAIT -
NO! NO, [[they're Here]]!!!
NO!!!!! DON'T!! PLEASE DON'T!! [[PLeaSE DON;T]]!!
* Come on, Spamton. It's time to leave. I'm sorry, but you cannot stay here any longer – it's Queen's orders...
NO!!! STOP., STOP!!!!!
* Spamton, you can either leave quietly and with dignity, or we will carry you out along with the furniture. Your choice.
SWATCH, C'MON! DON'T DO [All this and]! PLEASE LET ME [[Stay A Little Longer]]! I'VE GOT NOWH< eRE ELSE TO GO!!! I- I-
NO – NO, PUT ME DOWN!!!!! [[$!$$]]ING PUT ME DOWN!! [[$!$!]]!! HELP!!! SOMEONE [HELP ME]!!!
PLE4s<E!!!!!!
…
*you hear desperate screaming, getting ever more distant, along with the shuffling sounds of a room being emptied - followed by silence*
…
…
…
*you hear footsteps, getting louder*
Spamton, are you still here?
Guess not.
Wait, a phone, why was that left behind? And it's off the hook...
Hello, is anyone – ugh, what is THAT?!
Sounds like... garbage noise?
*click*
* * *
* End of messages
* You hang up the receiver