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As Aelys got down the trail, it was very different from when she hiked up, her vision was clearer, the flowers’ colors were more vibrant even in the dark of night, the shapes of the trees were more defined, the noises of the creatures in the woods were louder. But she didn't notice any of that, not when all her mind could focus on was what Eralan had told her, playing and replaying inside of her head.
“What scared me the most isn't what you did, it's that I thought you were amazing when you did it.”
When Eralan started speaking, Aelys thought he was going to say how fucked up what she had done was, how he was just a kid, how that was completely out of proportion, but, Eralan being Eralan, would accept her apology anyway.
To her surprise, he started to list Finn'el flaws, which made a hurt smile appear on her face. It was all true, of course, but it did not change the fact that what she had done was wrong and, even worse, that she had repeated the mistake. Aelys had no idea where he was going with this, she just felt the guilt and shame grow in her.
And then, he said it.
As the words slipped from Eralan's mouth, she could see it in his eyes. She saw how sincere he was, how even he was surprised that these words were said, how much he actually cared.
Eralan had already said it earlier but it was looking down at the shirt that Aelys really understood. Going from helping her with Xilyreon, to giving her his shirt because she had a stupid idea that she could ever be merely similar to the Aelys she was a year ago, to simply being there and listen to the things she needed to get off her chest and to the continued honest admiration unaffected by other people's views, even back then with the little stubborn and Üthevhenan's spear point Aelys, even now with the changed and Herald of Endings Aelys.
Eralan cared.
She felt her heart skip a beat as any other thoughts that could be in her mind immediately disappeared.
Aelys slowly went in to meet his cheek with her lips, making every inch that she got closer a conscious choice. At the same time it was like she couldn't do anything else if not this, like Eralan was a magnet to her touch, and she was even slower to push herself away from his face. She thanked him, leaving before he could say anything and her words could betray her.
And as she was heading back in the direction of the camp, the words did not leave her mind.
When she realized it, she could hear Gold’s voice and see her friends’ silhouettes, which made her sit by the roots of a nearby tree. Even distracted by everything that had happened, Aelys knew very well that she wouldn't actually go to the camp, from the chosen spot, she could see it in case they needed help and that was enough. Aelys was aware that, if she appeared there, it would be too much questioning, about her appearance, she was already embarrassed enough about the malfunction, and the only thing covering her body, the longer shirt that she knew the owner would be a topic of conversation if she went to meet her friends like that. Just thinking about it, she could hear Maravix's interrogation and Synnove's double meaning comments.
Aelys remembered when Eralan first left, how Synnove and, at the time, Bubbles immediately jumped into conclusions about her feelings for Eralan that she denied without second thought. She didn't even consider him a friend when he was kidnapped. But, a year later and with the time that she spent with the Golden Sentinels, she realized that he was her friend, or, at least, the closest to a friend he was capable of being with the lack of desire and notion about friendships from Aelys’ part before joining the Cooper Legion. He acted like one and that's what mattered now, that's what made her try to make up for not realizing and expressing how important Eralan was, as a person, not as an Elgariis, earlier.
Aelys shifted in the ground as she remembered the frequency in which occasions like this happened. There have always been rumors, they'd dance together in the gatherings in Üthevhenan, spending all the fancy banquets at least gravitating to each other, not necessarily interacting directly, and it was a topic in the gossip through the city. Then they joined the Cooper Legion and, unlike most people there, they already had a clear connection before the exams, and, on a much smaller scale, the same thing happened. The assumptions were made wherever they were but, looking in hindsight, it was the first time that Aelys thought about the chance of these people actually being right.
And although a surprising idea, Aelys couldn't quite say that she didn't like it, which made her thankful that no one was watching her as the redness took place on her face with the realization that there was not a single part of her that would put this madness down so immediately like she did before. How could she? After their moment in the woods, something that they always kept covered deep down in their inner thoughts was revealed, with the opening of mind for each other and just the blatant honesty between them, not only through words but through their acts. It was hard to tell what it was but it was there, something that indicated that they were more than just two people that had grown up together, more than just two friends. Aelys buried herself in his shirt, to hide her flushed face, but that only made her more flustered, feeling his scent that lingered, a mix of the woods that surrounded her with a hint of salt like a breeze at the beach, the embrace of the fabric and, even being alone, his presence.
In the back of her mind, Aelys felt her body still dancing with her companions in the Hall of Possibility, with every turn, her thoughts became more clear, more distinctable between the myriad of witchbreed, and a smile settled on her face. Not because of the help that Eralan had given but the context in which that'd happened, how he still had this stupid sense of humour that she would never admit was funny, how she knows that, while still recognizing that what they both did in the moment was only reserved for each other, the help would have been offered to anyone, how he’d quickly understood and accepted the fact, without judgment, that she was one with the Xilyreon now and the establishment of the mental connection between them.
It was not their first. She observed as the Sigil of Æons in her hand glowed and she could feel where all her friends were, including Eralan who was still by the rock where they had talked. Although now she couldn't use the brand embodied with the Prime’s energy without remembering all the times that it didn't work, all the times Aelys thought she had lost her friends for good and that made her stop trusting it. But, unlike the previous one, the Hall of Possibility comforted her, the intimacy of it being willingly and only between her, Xilyreon and Eralan. The thought that, after having been separated for so long and so many times, she had somewhere to look forward to and a way to feel that even if physically absent, he would be with her.
With the thought of hers and Eralan’s path diverging again, she just hugged herself, holding on to his shirt harder. It was difficult to understand her feelings, but Aelys knew that she wanted him to be around. She wanted to listen to his jokes, she wanted to dance with him again, she wanted to go to the Hall of Possibility more times, she wanted to have his company, she wanted…
Aelys knew better than that.
Aelys knew Eralan, how he was always going from place to place. The right thing for him to do couldn't wait, and she was grateful that, this time, it was along her side, but she knew it was not forever, forever was something that she had already given up a long time ago and with him there was no difference.
She rolled to her side, still clutching his shirt. It may not be forever, but, whatever was going on, it was real, it mattered and Aelys was going to appreciate it while she could. As sleep took over her, a bittersweet smile was on her face and the awareness that she was going to wake up as the Herald of Endings again and with lots of questions thrown in her way threatened to pass through her head. But it did not stay for long as her mind did not let go of the connection that she and Eralan had created.