Work Text:
SEPTEMBER 9TH, 2025
Rivers is on the couch with Brian, going though his discord server and watching TikToks. One of the members of his discord server sends him a very specific TikTok though. One, so terrible it would want him to kill a man. A man named Charlie Kirk. Rivers opened the video to see a girl and man debating about abortion.
“So, you're comparing abortion to the Holocaust?”
“Absolutely I am! In fact, IT’S WORSE! IT'S WORSE!”
“Its really not. I don’t think it is.”
“It’s 45 million babies! It's nearly eight times worse than the Holocaust!”
Rivers physically cringed at the video. “THE HOLOCAUST?! ABORTION?! REALLY?!” He thought in his mind. Brian, noticed this slight change in Rivers’ face. “Rivs, what's wrong?” Brian asked, worried. “Oh Brian, I just saw and heard the worst take ever.” Rivers responded. Brian smirked. “What is THAT BAD to make you have that look on your face?” Rivers replied, “Do you think abortion is worse than the Holocaust?” Brian’s eyes widened from pure shock. “Holy shit dude!” Rivers chuckled out loud. “Exactly! Dude, they used to glorify America like a while ago. You know I was with it but what the hell!” Rivers said. “I mean like… They're still doing that.” “True.”
SEPTEMBER 10TH, 2025
Rivers is fed up with Charlie’s bullshit. Rivers makes the most elaborate plan to end him.
STEP 1: ENGRAVE BULLETS
STEP 2: GO TO UTAH
STEP 3: KILL HIM
It was perfect.
Rivers drove to his local engraving shop. They engrave literally anything. ANYTHING. “Hey, could you engrave these bullets for me?” The engraver responded, “What would you like engraved in them?” Rivers handed the engraver a piece of paper, with memes his discord members gave him.
Hey Fascist! Catch! ↑→↓↓↓
*Notices bulge* OwO What’s this?
O bella ciao, bella ciao, bella ciao ciao ciao
If you read this, you are gay. LMAO
It was ready. Time to kill a fascist.
Rivers got on the top of a building, 200 yards away from where Kirk was debating in the Utah Valley University. He set up his bolt action rifle and waited, and waited, and waited, for the perfect time.
“Do you know how many transgender Americans have been mass shooters over the last 10 years?”
“Too many.”
“Do you know how many mass shooters there have been in America over the last 10 years?”
“Counting or not counting gang violence?”
This made Rivers snap.
BOOM
The blood came out. Came out like a pitcher pouring water.
Rivers went home, seeing Brian already there. “Hey Rivs!” Rivers smiled, “Hi Brian.” Rivers opened up his Discord to see his chat going insane either about Charlie or Weezer.
“WHO DID THIS?!” One member asked from shock.
“Gee idk.” Rivers messaged back