Chapter Text
The day started like any other day at Planet Camp. Junseo got up groggily to get ready for another grueling day of practice and prepare for a video they had to shoot later that day.
It was nothing out of the ordinary, just a minigame video with his teammates. He was told that another team would also be there to join them, but the staff hadn’t told him anything beyond that. Regardless, he was glad they would get to do something besides practicing for the entirety of the day.
As he left the camp for their designated training rooms, he ran into his teammate for the team takeover, Donggyu. They might’ve gotten off to a rocky start, but as the days progressed, their shared passion in dancing and shared ambition to debut brought them closer. Junseo was actually very happy because of this newfound friendship, he felt as though Donggyu had become someone he could rely on. He was also close in age to his boyfriend, which probably made it easier to get close to him as well. Though their personalities differed.
“Good morning, hyung.” Said Donggyu, interrupting Junseo’s line of thought.
“Good morning, Donggyu-ah. Let’s do our best today.” Donggyu hummed out in agreement at the words of encouragement, a comfortable silence falling between them as they got ready to practice for the day.
As the music started, his body started moving with a mind of its own. It was easy to fall into a rhythm like this. They were super lucky and actually finished organizing their moves quite early on, so they had plenty of time left to practice, correct each other, and truly perfect their choreography. They couldn’t afford to have any mishaps on the day of the actual performance after all.
Junseo felt more and more nervous during the days leading up to them officially performing in front of the Star Creators, and today was no different. This performance could have a massive impact on their ranks depending on how they performed, even so, he had full faith in his teammates to give it their all no matter what.
His body was thrumming with a mix of nervousness and excitement. Although this is only his second survival show, he doesn’t think he could ever get used to the adrenaline that comes with being in one, and the various different people that come with it, all with the same exact goal in mind; to debut and achieve their dreams.
He was actually very grateful for all the people he’s gotten to meet over the years, whether it was due to being in a survival show or because of his career, he wouldn’t be here today without them. They had shaped him into who he was today, and he wanted to give it his all; for them—for the Star Creators—for everyone who’s ever believed in him.
He would make this all worth it, he would give it his all and debut no matter what. Even if that meant he had to push himself to get to somewhere he thought made him worthwhile.
Practice continued to go on, and more and more of the trainees started filling up the practice room. Even Masato joined them at some point, however, it was becoming very evident that they needed a break.
Masato kept messing up and even Junseo was starting to feel tired, his body finally catching up to the exhaustion from practicing for 4 hours straight. “Let’s stop here for a bit, we’ll practice more once we’re refreshed.” Junseo suggested. His voice in a natural commanding tone which came with his leadership. The teammates replied with quiet hums and overt nods, agreeing to be back at the practice rooms once they were done.
As Junseo headed out of the practice room, his body slammed into the body of another trainee. Maybe it was the exhaustion clouding his mind, but he genuinely hadn’t noticed anyone coming in before he took to the exit. He rushed to stumble out an apology, “I’m so sorry, I must’ve not been paying attention—“
The words caught in his throat as he looked up— it was his boyfriend—his breath hitching as his words immediately died down. No matter how much time had passed since they started dating, the giddiness he felt at just the mere thought of the person behind that title, never ceased.
“Are you okay, hyung?” Xinlong asked, voice laced with thick worry as he tried to see if he was hurt anywhere. “I’m so sorry, hyung. I was in a rush and didn’t see where I was headed.” A pause, “Are you hurt?” panic evident in his voice as he asked.
Oh.
Xinlong must’ve noticed how he was holding his head. He was always like this, seeming to notice things that would otherwise go unnoticed by others. That’s one of the many things Junseo loved about him.
Remembering the question, he rushed to answer, “No, it’s nothing,” a long pause. “Just exhausted is all, Xinlong-ah.” Something akin to doubt flashed in Xinlong’s eyes, but he didn’t press any further. Seemingly remembering how the cameras exist at this moment, he finally put some distance between them.
Awkwardly clearing his throat, “Ah, alright then, hyung. Sorry again.” he replied, bowing apologetically as he did so.
“No, no, I should’ve been more careful as well. Please don’t apologize.” Junseo replied frantically, trying to get his point across.
He didn’t know what had gotten into him today, usually he would be the last person to not pay attention to his surroundings.
“It’s alright hyung, let’s go back to practicing. I’m sure I’ve held you up long enough.” Bowing slightly, Xinlong finally took the initiative to go back to practicing with his teammates, leaving Junseo by himself.
Ah, right, practice. He was supposed to be taking a break. Clutching his head, he tried walking out, stumbling slightly in the process.
His headache seemed to be getting worse by the minute. He definitely should take something for that, and also go salvage whatever’s left of his break, like he originally sought out for. He didn’t want to keep his teammates waiting after all.
With that thought in mind, Junseo finally left the practice room with a newly ignited fervor to get things done. He would power through this.
His headache did not get better. In fact, it only got worse as the day went on. He wanted to chalk it up as exhaustion since it spread through his whole body and clung on to his skin like cement, pulling him down with its weight as it got harder and harder to move. But he knew it was actually the consequences of not taking better care of himself. He would definitely be getting nagged at later once Xinlong found out.
Wincing at the thought, he pulled himself to get done with practice for the day. Right now, he wanted nothing more than to reach the dorms and sleep off whatever was wrong with him.
Thankfully, they were able to shoot the minigame video fairly early on when he was still okay, well, better than he was currently anyway, and so he could just go straight back to the dorms without having to wait.
Who knew the thing he was looking forward to the most at the start of his day, would be the least of his concerns at the end of the day.
Having Xinlong there helped a lot, he thought. To him, his boyfriend’s presence alone was comforting. And even though they kept their interactions minimal on camera just in case, he felt a sense of reassurance with him there despite being people apart.
They both wanted to play it safe since they were new to navigating a relationship in a situation like this. That’s one of the things he and Xinlong had in common, they liked doing things in their own little ways, silently, without necessarily having to be loud.
His boyfriend was probably also the only reason he got through his day as smoothly as he did.
After their interaction earlier that day, Xinlong kept checking on him whenever he got the chance. Silently getting out of practice whenever he noticed Junseo taking a break—just to be there by his side. Sliding water bottles to him in the middle of practice whenever he got the chance, and was somehow always one step ahead of him. Of course Xinlong was the first person to notice—he always did—that something was wrong with him, probably even before Junseo himself realized.
He was so incredibly grateful, his heart swelled with warmth at the thought of every silent gesture. This was their love language.
Every step forward to the dorms felt heavier than the last. He wished Xinlong was here right now too, wished he would give up practicing just to be there with him, to hold him, and comfort him, at least for the rest of the night. He felt a little pathetic being this dependent on his boyfriend, it was probably just a slight cold at most after all.
He knew it was a little selfish on his part too, to want, want, and want. Especially with how much was at stake for the upcoming performances, especially since they were both powered by the same ambition as well. But he couldn’t help it.
Realistically he knew that Xinlong was practically one call away since he hadn’t gotten that far out of the practice rooms yet, but with each step, even reaching the dorms started feeling like a great feat, let alone the thought of going all the way back to call his boyfriend.
Plus, despite his wants and wishes, the last thing he wanted was to be a burden to his boyfriend. Although he knew his boyfriend would never think of it as such, and that's exactly what made it harder to ask.
He was already extremely grateful for the fact that Xinlong even noticed in the first place, and on top of that, went out of his way to silently look after him throughout the whole day. Asking even more from him now, would be asking for too much—for way more than he thinks he deserves.
He wanted to keep going, to reach the dorms, to finally lay on his bed and get his much needed rest. But he felt way too lightheaded, could feel his body slowly give out as the after effects of practice, and the exhaustion that came with, finally caught up to him, like a blanket trying it’s best to pull him under, clasping onto his skin and pulling him down with a vice-like grip as the adrenaline that powered him all this time dissipated from his body.
Suddenly, everything in the room was too bright, his ears ringing, his vision swimming as everything around him spun and twisted into all sorts of funny shapes, wobbling and mixing. Dark spots filled his vision, he could feel himself fall. He tried reaching out—clawing for the nearest wall, however, his attempt remained futile as his knees buckled beneath him.
It was inevitable. He knew his body would probably give out sooner or later, it’s just unfortunate that it happened in the halls rather than his room, like he had hoped, at least then he would be able to sleep off whatever was wrong with him.
Hopefully his boyfriend wouldn’t be the first person to find him like this—his last thought, then the world tipped sideways, and everything went black.
He didn't know where he was anymore, couldn’t remember, didn’t even know how much time had gone by since he passed out, all he knew was that he wanted to curl up in a ball and seek out the comfort that came with the security of such a position.
His head throbbed, accompanied by the feeling of needles prickling at his skin, making its way into every crack and crevice of his body. He felt like he was on fire yet also simultaneously being dipped in scalding cold waters, leaving him soaked, wet and in pure discomfort.
He wanted to whine—to scream, for anyone to hear him and come to his aid. However, all that came out was a hoarse, barely there, shriek. Almost akin to a quiet gasp of air. He felt detached from his own body. Why was nothing working properly?
He felt frustrated all of a sudden. He was supposed to be at the dorms right now, but couldn’t move. He felt useless. He wanted his Xinlong—his boyfriend—surely he’d feel better in the company of his boyfriend. Need to move. Need to get up.
He tried his best to stand up, running on pure adrenaline alone. His legs wobbled but the need to get up, to go find his boyfriend, kept him going. He pushed all his weight onto the nearest wall. Need to move. He took a few steps forward.
But before long, his body gave in on itself again and he collapsed, body hurling forward as a sharp whine escaped his lungs. Useless. Why couldn’t he do anything properly?
Why wasn’t his body listening to him? He could do nothing but just lay there, hot frustrated tears streaming down his face. His throat burned. He was beyond tired.
Chasing any semblance of comfort, he curled in on his body and waited. Somebody would come and he would be okay, he’s faced worse before, he would be alright.
While comforting himself with these thoughts, a sudden movement caught his eyes, then—
“Hyung?” a panicked voice.
His ears rang, he couldn't figure out whose voice he was hearing. But it’s the closest he felt to.. to home… in a while, he thinks.
A sudden and sharp pain shot through his body, coiling him around in pain. Probably the after effects of the stunt he tried pulling earlier. Why? He couldn’t remember.
“Hyung please— stay— longer—”
Huh. He thinks it wouldn’t be so bad dying in the arms of someone who sounds like—feels like—like home.
He couldn’t understand anything, though, his ears ringing with every word that spilled past their lips. He felt like he was underwater.
He wailed out a long and pained cry. Head hurts.
“What’s wro—“
A question. He tries to answer. But before he can, everything goes black.