Archive of Our Own

After giving her an earful for about half an hour, which Hisoka only half-listened to—distracted by the lipstick stain on the Head Nun's upper teeth—the latter finally let her off. Hisoka smiled and stepped out of the office without glancing back, letting the heavy door shut itself behind her with a loud bang.

The first subject was already over by then. She went to the locker room, finding the other girls were in the middle of changing into their PE uniform. The curly-haired girl whose locker happened to be next to hers skirted away as she approached; shirt clutched in hand, her bra still unclasped. Hisoka rummaged through her locker, pulling her own uniform and pink boots out. Though she didn't do so much as glancing as she changed, she could tell they were moving faster. Only two people were left in the room while she tied her hair up in a ponytail.

For finishing touches, Hisoka sprayed some perfume around her shoulders and chest, then dumped the perfume into the trash bin on her way out.

In her pocket, she found a pack of nearly empty bubblegum. Hisoka rolled the last piece of gum on her tongue, pushing it to the side as she walked behind the other girls. Silent as ever, her left teeth crushed the gum, chewed it; and she tasted the strawberry flavour.

As they piled up into the gym, the coach was already inside, both hands on her hips. She wore her hair in two pigtails today. When Hisoka entered the room, her eyes shot at her, lingering on her boots, but like always; she said nothing and flicked her gaze away, telling them to get in position, then start with their usual warm-ups. As she lazily followed them doing some hopping, she looked to the side and found someone staring at her.

The transfer student, Illumi Zoldyck.

That girl was standing at the end of the line, quite far from her, but unmistakably looking right in her direction. She moved here in the middle of the first semester, something that Hisoka thought wouldn’t have been possible if her parents were not… well, her parents. The Zoldycks practically owned half of the city.

So far, they only talked once or twice. Not even a real conversation. It was for a Sociology group project. Hisoka forgot about it by the end of the day. Around a week later, Illumi apparently had created the entire powerpoint all by herself and told Hisoka what to say just before they had to do the presentation. Hisoka didn't particularly agree with Illumi's arguments, but she couldn't care less about the project, so she complied. The fact Illumi looked at her in the eye while asking her to do what she said, might have contributed to her willingness to do it.

Hisoka rolled the gum to the other side of her mouth, a smile tugging at her lips. Illumi blinked once, then averted her gaze.

A while later, after running around the gym twice, the coach divided them into six teams. A collective groan could be heard when she announced they would be playing volleyball for the day. Hisoka waited at the side of the room with her assigned team, popping her gum as she watched the first two go against each other. She glanced around, saw Illumi sitting on the bleachers across the room, eyes glued to the floor.

As if Illumi sensed being watched, she looked up and met her eyes. Hisoka lifted her hand, giving her a small, teasing wave; expecting her to frown and look away. Instead, Illumi just nodded.

The coach called for the third and fourth teams to come forward. Hisoka got up from her seat. Illumi, too, stood up, and for a split second Hisoka thought she was in the opposing team. But Illumi approached the coach, spoke a few words to her, then left the gym.

Though the opponents had great teamwork while her teammates were somewhat all over the place, they managed to pull through.

By the time it was the last team's time to play, the curly-haired girl from the locker room raised her hand. “Illumi is not here, Coach.”

The coach took a look around before sighing. “Can the class president go check on her in the bathroom? Maybe she fell asleep or something.”

The class president came back, shaking her head, said she couldn't find Illumi there.

“Our team's down one person. Does this mean we’re free to go?” Someone asked, a little bit too hopeful.

“You wish,” The coach smirked. Hisoka still had the gum between her teeth, though it had lost its flavor now, when the coach turned to her. “Hisoka, go back in.”

♠

She was sweating a river when the bell rang, signaling the end of the class. One of the nuns came to the gym and reminded them to go to the chapel soon, as they would be having the monthly confession.

Most of her classmates went straight to the chapel, some took their time showering first before catching up with the others. Back in the locker room, Hisoka lingered behind, contemplating her options. While gathering her thoughts, she wiped her sweat with a towel. She left without bothering to shower nor changing her uniform.

Hisoka watched the other students crowding the hall that led to the chapel. She thought about it, then turned away. On her way to the dormitory, she took a detour and stopped by the teachers’ room, which was empty save for the Math teacher who was snoring on his desk.

Despite her attempt to be silent, her steps still echoed in the long dormitory hall.

Illumi’s room was at the end, and the door wasn't locked. With palm pressing down on the handle, Hisoka pushed it open. She stuck her head inside. Her eyes set immediately upon the bed. The rabbit-motif blanket folded neatly at the right side of the bed with a pillow next to it, but no Illumi in sight. She looked around, noting the shoe rack nearby. Settled there were a pair of dark red sandals, two pairs of school shoes, and black sneakers. Illumi was wearing trainers, just like the rest of their classmates.

Hisoka stepped in, not bothering to take her boots off as she walked around, fingers brushing against the notebooks piled up on the desk, a palm-sized Mother Mary statue next to a heavy octopus-shaped table clock, the white sweater draped on the chair, its fabric soft against her skin. The wardrobe was half-open. Aside from other school uniforms, several formal dresses, and a few pajamas, Illumi didn't have that many casual fits. Hisoka thumbed a purple hoodie, her frown deepened. After throwing another glance to her surroundings, she approached the bed, then sat on the edge.

For a rich girl who paid to get her own private room in the dormitory, Hisoka thought how unfortunate it was that Illumi had no problem wasting the privilege and did absolutely nothing to decorate the place. To make it actually hers. No posters on the wall. No framed photographs. No diary. No scandalous possession. Hisoka could almost tell nothing about her.

She hadn’t decided whether she was intrigued or bored.

Propping her palms on the bed, Hisoka leaned back slightly before swinging her legs back and forth. The hallway was quiet. Her eyes flickered to the clock on the desk. Ten minutes had passed since she came here. Was Illumi in the infirmary? She didn't think to check there.

After waiting another three minutes, no one appeared in the doorway. Not even the Head Nun, who spent most of the afternoon patrolling the area to catch students who skipped class. Hisoka hopped off the bed, dusted her trackies, then glided toward the door. She took a step outside. Then stopped.

She glanced to give the place a last once-over. Nothing was out of place. Well, she didn’t particularly move anything, and it wasn’t like Illumi had something in her room that wasn’t school-related. There was a dent on the bed where she sat her ass on earlier.

Her mind turned. Hisoka grabbed the handle, quietly stepped back inside as she closed the door. She approached the bed, knelt down with one hand on the bed and the other on the floor, tilting her head to look under.

A brief, yet extremely loud pause passed inside her head before she leaned back. Hisoka sat on the floor, shifting her vaguely trembling hand from the bed to her knee. Silently, she counted to four as she laid down. For a moment, she kept staring at the painted ceiling, waiting for her racing heart to calm down a bit. Then she turned to the side.

“Hello, Hisoka,” Illumi said from beneath the bed.

“Hey.” Hisoka replied, meeting the other girl’s unblinking gaze. Perhaps it was the lack of lighting, but her face looked as pale as a corpse. “Everyone’s in the chapel.”

“Yes, I heard their steps down the hall.” She turned to face the underbed. “I haven’t thought of what I’m going to confess.”

Hisoka raised an eyebrow. “Why would you need to think about it?”

“I'm not sure if I’ve done anything that I wasn't supposed to.”

She opened her mouth, but decided to stop herself at the last moment. Instead, she turned her gaze back to the ceiling, mirroring Illumi’s act. A somewhat uncomfortable silence ensued. The only sound there was was the clock resting on the desk. Tick, tock. Tick, tock.

“I've been meaning to ask,” Illumi spoke suddenly. Hisoka sensed her eyes on her, though she didn’t turn. “Are you using the same perfume as Ms. Krueger?”

Slowly, the corners of her lips turned up. “Who?”

“The gymnast coach.”

A beat. She turned her head to the side ever so slightly, giving Illumi a look. “Maybe.”

Illumi stared at her, and this time Hisoka found herself meeting her gaze for longer than five seconds. Looking at her now, she strangely reminded Hisoka of a butterfly. Beautiful to watch, especially from afar. Move a little closer and you’d recoil when you realized how uncanny they appeared up close.

Hisoka shifted a bit until half of her body was also under the bed.

“When you walked in earlier, I thought it was her looking for me,” Illumi said.

“What made you think it wasn’t?”

She blinked. “The boots.”

At that, Hisoka couldn’t hide her smile. The floor's cold surface bit onto her skin as she folded an arm below her head. “Figured,” she mused. “Were you going to say something?”

Illumi shook her head, placing one hand over her stomach. “You seemed to be enjoying yourself, inspecting my things. I had a feeling I shouldn't interrupt.”

She delivered that in an honest, earnest tone, that Hisoka almost believed that she sincerely meant it. However, Illumi’s lack of facial movement planted a seed of doubt—her face too smooth, too blank; like she'd spent years perfecting the art of indifference. If Illumi was nervous at this moment, she hid it really, really, well.

And thus, Hisoka decided to test the waters. “My curiosity was met with disappointment, you know? I'm not impressed, Illumi.” Her voice dropped slightly lower, lips curling into a smirk. “The view is much better down here.” In a glaringly provocative manner, her eyes trailed down Illumi's body, stopping at the curve of her thighs, then shifted back up to observe her reaction.

She'd expected Illumi to scrunch her nose in disgust or glare at her, the way most of them did. Or a blush, if she swung that way.

But Illumi held her stare, not a single muscle on her face moved. Not even an inch. “You’re not bad looking either,” She stated, and if it wasn't for the way she looked at her like she was admiring a wild animal, Hisoka would've thought she flirted back.

Blinking slowly, Hisoka turned to face the underbed, studying the pattern of the wood. She could feel Illumi’s eyes drilled through her skull. A moment passed without words spoken between them, then Hisoka broke the silence.

“Are you gonna snitch on me?” She glanced to the side. When Illumi didn't reply, she added, “For entering your room without permission.”

“Oh.” Illumi went silent for a while, the hand on her stomach began rubbing absent-mindedly. “I don't think I will. If I do, then I need to explain how I caught you and why I was here instead of the chapel. It's inconvenient for me.”

It was highly unlikely for those leeches to punish Illumi Zoldyck of all people, but the way she sounded so serious about it was sort of comical. Hisoka fought really hard to keep her face flat. “What are you doing here?”

“Mm, I was about to ask you the same thing.”

“I asked first.”

“I'm bleeding to death right now,” Illumi said.

“Huh.” Hisoka watched as Illumi moved her legs and began dragging herself out from under the bed. When she saw what she thought was a trail of dark liquid on the floor, she rolled out at once, sitting up with her eyes on Illumi.

Illumi got up from the floor, still holding her stomach like she was trying to stop her intestines from falling out. Something had seeped through her trackies, red against the blue fabric. The blood turned darker right around her crotch, where the stain appeared to be the thickest.

Hisoka stared and stared. Her tongue struggled to form a string of words as Illumi wobbled closer before plopping down onto the bed, face-first. Very slowly, Hisoka stood up, standing right next to her.

“Shouldn’t you… clean up first?”

Illumi murmured something that sounded like later.

Hisoka noticed a new gush of blood oozing through her trackies, at a new spot along her inner thighs now. “Are you always like this?”

Illumi turned her face to the side. “This is my first time.”

That brought back an old memory, about five or six years ago, of one morning where her stomach twisting as if hundreds of worms inside were eating her from within. She knew it was different for each girl, but could the cramps have felt worse if you happened to be a late-bloomer?

“You can lean on me on the way to the bathroom,” Hisoka offered.

“I don’t want to move.”

Or Illumi’s just acting like a spoiled rich girl who couldn’t handle a mild discomfort. “You're gonna dirty the sheets.”

“I’ll throw them in the laundry later.”

Hisoka watched as Illumi closed her eyes. She lingered for a moment, then went to the door.

The dormitory hall was as dead as a graveyard. She had slept in one back then, in the first year of her mother's passing, so she’d know. From the looks of it, apparently they were still in the chapel or scattered around the Mother Mary cave to do their penitent. A junior averted her gaze as she passed Hisoka, who was on her way to the kitchen.

Hisoka had hoped to be caught sneaking in. Against all odds, though, the nun who was supposed to keep watch was nowhere to be seen. She scanned the place. The door that led to a small toilet at the end of the kitchen was closed. She could hear the faucet running. What a timing.

As she waited for the kettle to boil, she wandered the halls, taking a long way to go to the communal bathroom. She took the empty bucket that was left at the corner of the room, filling it a quarter-full with cold water. The wall was already scrubbed clean, shiny as new.

Next stop was the infirmary. Hisoka grabbed two fresh towels and took some things from the shelf, pushing them inside her pockets. Her gaze swept over a strip of ibuprofen. The girl who was sleeping on one of the mattresses woke up when Hisoka slipped a pack of wet wipes between the towels.

Back in the kitchen, she placed the bucket and towels on the table, then moved to open the fridge. Several plastic bottles were lined up at the bottom of the rack, so she bent over to pick one. While downing all the water in three big gulps, she looked over the shelf where they kept the knives. Behind her, the kettle whistled.

Hisoka poured most of the hot water inside the bucket. The rest of it went into the bottle.

In front of Illumi's room, Hisoka put her elbow on the handle and pressed down, then pushed the door open with her shoulder. “Knock-knock,” She said as she stepped in, heel kicking the door shut. Illumi was lying on her back now, her legs dangling, eyes still closed. Hisoka approached.

“What time is it now?” Illumi spoke just as Hisoka placed the bucket on the floor.

She glanced at the clock—”Eleven forty,”—then shifted back to Illumi, placing one folded towel with wet wipes next to her, then crouched down to dip the second towel in the water for a few seconds. Then she lifted it up and squeezed it, her palms warm and wet. “Take your pants off, please.”

Illumi cracked her eyes open. “Why?”

“Because you need to clean up,” Hisoka replied, like she was talking to a child. Slowly, Illumi propped herself on both elbows and looked at her, then the towel, then the bucket. She didn’t say anything as she, to Hisoka’s surprise, kicked those trainers off and pulled her pants off, baring her lower half. A trail of thick blood fell onto the floor as she moved the pants aside with her foot.

Hisoka handed the towel to Illumi, who proceeded to spread her legs and started scrubbing. When she moved to her inner thighs, she made eye contact with Hisoka.

“The girls have been telling me,” Illumi began, “that you're a lesbian.”

Hisoka smiled sweetly. “Is that so?”

“I think you're just a pervert.”

“You wound me,” Hisoka hoisted herself up, pushing the towel and the wet wipes aside, then sat next to her; the bed dipping under her weight. She looked down and made a point to have her eyes linger on Illumi’s already-scrubbed, shiny thighs for a good minute. “I'm doing this out of the goodness of my heart.”

Illumi tilted her head slightly, eyes averted as she turned the towel to use the other side. After that, she began wiping her crotch and down below unabashedly. “Can you bring me new underwear?” She pointed toward the drawers with her chin.

“Okay~”

While picking through Illumi’s painfully plain-looking undies, her fingers found something. Hidden underneath, a polaroid; with a quick glance she saw that it was a picture of a white-haired toddler hugging a big dog. She slipped it back in place and snatched a black undie, tossing it at Illumi.

Illumi clutched the undie in one hand as she sat on the towel, seemingly to prevent the blood dripping into the sheets. Hisoka approached her with both hands inside her pockets. “Got something for you.”

She whipped out her left hand, then the other one. “Two things, in fact,” Holding them in front of Illumi like she was giving a treat to a cat. “This one,” she took it out of its pack, not before adopting the manner of a teacher speaking in class, “is a tampon. How to use this? Insert it inside you and rest assured not a single drop would fall.” She lifted the other one. “Pads, the easiest one. Stick it on your underwear, but you need to make sure to place it correctly or it wouldn’t make a difference.”

“Now,” Hisoka ended her quick presentation with a grin. “What’s your pick, Illumi?”

Illumi didn’t hesitate. “Pads.”

Amused, she tossed the pads to her. “A little intimidated, are we?”

“I have to study how to use it properly first,” Illumi tore the wrappings off and took one. Hisoka returned the tampon into her pocket, then moved to lean her butt against the desk. She picked up the Mother Mary statue. “Don’t want any risks.”

“I can show you how,” Hisoka offered kindly.

“No need.”

“If you say so.” She watched Illumi putting it on, and recalled that she, too, wore pads when she got her first period—thrown in her face; her beloved mother had told her nothing but not to bother her for the rest of the day. She had no idea that you weren't supposed to wear it more than once, thus she rinsed it again and again.

Illumi pulled up her undie, fixing the waistband around her hips. “This is your fault, Hisoka.”

Now where did that come from?

“A ‘thank you’ would be nice.”

Illumi gave her a sidelong look, to which she responded by raising an eyebrow. She didn’t look away as Illumi dropped the bloody towel on the floor, then shifted back to lean against the wall. While waiting for the latter to speak, she ran her thumb along Mother Mary’s back.

“Last night,” Illumi looked at her. “I saw you in my sleep.”

A beat.

Carefully, Hisoka let a smile crept upon her face. “Oh, Illumi,” There was a certain ice in her tone as she held Illumi’s gaze. “I had no idea you felt that way…”

Illumi blinked slowly, though she showed no sign of faltering. “I knew I was sleeping right here, on this bed. But then I opened my eyes. Perhaps it was a gut feeling.” Her tone was completely devoid of emotion, as if she was just repeating what she heard from somewhere instead of experiencing it herself.

“I looked to the side and there you were. Standing next to me. Looking at me, smiling the way you do right now.”

She lifted her left hand and curled her fingers, making a gesture like she was holding something. “You had a pen in your hand. The next thing I knew was you stabbing me in the stomach, over and over and over again, I counted ten.” She brought her hand down to her crotch. “Then you stabbed my vagina, and I woke up.”

Her eyes seemed to widen a bit when she spoke the last part.

“During PE this morning, when I felt a sudden, unexplainable pain in both places, I’d briefly thought maybe it wasn’t a dream after all.”

Hisoka's thumb had stilled for some time, her breath slow.

After a while, she realized that she hadn’t said a word. The silence stretched on, broken only when the speaker in the dormitory hall hummed to life. The Head Nun bid them afternoon, said a few words, then began leading the others to chant the Angelus prayer.

Hisoka placed Mother Mary back on the desk, then pushed herself to stand on the floor. Ignoring the tingling sense down below, she stepped to approach the bed, with Illumi’s gaze following her movement.

“I would freak out too.”

Hisoka spoke, her voice dripping with faux concern, and she halted her steps just as her knees touched the bed. She leaned forward slightly, looming over Illumi. A flicker of amusement danced in her amber-colored eyes. “Is that why you were—” Hiding under the bed? “—staring at me?”

Illumi didn't answer right away.

Only stared back.

As Hisoka studied her face, a realization hit her like a ripple in the water.

It started with the small curve between Illumi’s brows. The way the corners of her eyes twitched ever so slightly. When Hisoka looked closer, she caught a tightness in her jaw that was so very subtle; something that she would’ve missed had Illumi's face looking all dispassionate not unconsciously been carved into her memory.

Perhaps it was the cramps causing her to crack. Or maybe not.

Hisoka's smile widened.

“Don't worry,” She reassured, pulling back a bit. “I'm very nice.” As if to prove it, she motioned toward the water bottle on the bed. “I even brought you something to lessen the cramps.”

Illumi looked at the bottle, hand reaching for it. When she had it in between her hands, she paused. “Hisoka, this is too hot for me to drink.”

“It's not for drinking. Press it against your tummy.”

“Are there no painkillers?”

“Oh, the infirmary got lots of them,” Hisoka sidetepped the bucket. “But I was distracted. I can't help getting excited remembering you all helpless like this.”

“You are a pervert,” Illumi reaffirmed. Interestingly, Hisoka detected no hint of disgust in her tone.

“Guilty as charged~”

After what seemed like a brief contemplation, she did as Hisoka said, holding the hot bottle close to her abdomen, and closed her eyes. Casually dismissing her without any last word.

Hisoka glanced around; at the bloody towel, the trackies, the stained floor, the discarded trainers, the bucket, the wrappings. She shrugged then walked straight to the door.

“Hisoka.”

Her hand was almost on the door handle. She looked over her shoulder.

Illumi turned her head to the side with her eyes wide open, staring right into Hisoka's soul. “Next time you come into my room, take off your shoes.” She halted, seemingly to weigh up her next words. “Or I will break your neck.”

Hisoka's eyebrow raised in amusement. Her eyes flicked to Illumi's arms and wrists, and wondered if they even had the strength to lift a water gallon; let alone snapping someone's bones.

“I’d like to see you try,” She retorted, hand pressing down on the handle. Then she paused. Outside, the prayer had come to an end. “Wait… are you inviting me to come over?”

“I am serious.”

“I am, too,” She fluttered her lashes, followed by a chuckle. “Why do you care anyway? Look at the state of this place.” Gestured toward the mess.

Illumi was quick. “These are my dirt. I don't clean up after someone else's.”

Ouch. Her tone wasn't cruel by any means, and she probably didn’t intend it to be; but still, ouch.

“And here I thought we were friends,” Hisoka pouted.

To that, Illumi didn't give an answer. She only rolled to lie on the bed, turning her back on Hisoka. This time, it looked like the conversation had truly ended. Hisoka opened the door and took a step outside. People began piling up the hall, each going to the room they shared with the other three students.

When she threw a last glance at the room, she caught Illumi sitting up on the bed, bottle still pressed to her stomach. Illumi looked at her and opened her mouth, but Hisoka gave a mock salute as she pulled the handle to shut the door. “Have fun cleaning up, princess.”

♠

Her roommate who slept across the room wasn’t actually sleeping. Hisoka assumed it had to be because she saw her taking a paperclip from the drawers, and accidentally made eye contact. Which was an overreaction, really. It wasn’t like she would do anything crazy with a single paperclip.

While that girl was shivering and mumbling under her blanket, Hisoka let out a soft hum, eyes flickering to the clock every now and then. She listened to the sound of footsteps outside. After the door at the end of the hall was shut, she slid out of bed. The air was still as her hand reached under the pillow. Hisoka took a step back, slipped it inside her pocket, then walked to the door.

The key was still hanging in the lock. As Hisoka turned it, she glanced over her shoulder. That girl popped her head out of the blanket, just the top half, wide eyes peeking at her. Hisoka smiled and made a silent gesture.

Just like she expected, the long hallway was quiet, save from quick whispered conversations behind the doors. Hisoka stopped walking for a moment, taking in her surroundings. At every crucifix that sat atop each door. The gloomy walls that felt like prison for the past two years. The frigid, unsympathetic nuns; boring schedules, uninteresting schoolmates. Hushed whispers and averted eyes. They were all sucking the life out of her soul.

She lifted her eyes. The CCTV was right up on the ceiling, staring back at her. She raised her right hand and made a peace sign.

Hisoka resumed her stroll.

Once she reached there, Hisoka crouched a bit, then began working on the lock. As expected, the lock here wasn’t as difficult to pick as the one for the teachers’ room. She dropped the paperclip and pushed the door open, then closed it behind her.

With only moonlight slipping through the curtain as her source of lighting, her eyes slowly adapted to the darkness, and she began navigating the room. She moved aside. After a moment of contemplation, she decided to slip out of her sandals, placing them on the lower rack. At night, the floor beneath her bare feet felt even colder than before. Behind her, around her, everything was still. Hisoka stepped back. Only the sound of breathing, soft and steady, filled the silence.

She turned around.

Then began her approach.

Carefully, Hisoka slipped her hand inside her pocket, fingers closing around the slim handle. Each step she took was heavy, deliberate. She considered pretending to trip on something just in case.

But then she stopped right next to the bed. Looking down at the sleeping figure on the bed, with back facing her, long hair spread over the pillow. Illumi had pulled her rabbit-motif blanket up to her chin. Hisoka took a step to the left and leaned forward, to see if she really was asleep. Her thumb ran over the handle.

Illumi shifted.

Hisoka pulled it out.

Illumi turned to face her. A frown appeared on her forehead, nose scrunched up in discomfort. She moved under the blanket. Her lids fluttered slightly. Delicately, Hisoka shifted her hand, bringing the sharp to Illumi's cheek. Not enough to prick, but should’ve been close enough to make the latter's sense tingle.

Hisoka waited, hand steady.

Her eyes stayed closed.

She lingered. A moment passed, then she decided to take the next action. The tip hovered just a breath away from Illumi's blanket as she trailed it down the shape of her body. She stopped at what she thought was Illumi's abdomen, making a tiny circle there. When she saw that Illumi still slept soundly, she pushed the tip down ever so slightly, until it tore the rabbit's left eye.

Illumi frowned.

Hisoka pulled away slightly, then raised her hand, inching closer again; and Illumi shifted, turning her back against her once more. She held her breath. According to the scenario, after a moment or so, Illumi would wake up, look up—see her, and jump, or scream, or both. Preferably both. And she would be ready; blade raised, the side glinting as it caught the faint moonlight.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Illumi didn't move. A beat passed. Several strands of hair fell onto her face.

Hisoka waited another second. Then another. Another one. After seeing nothing happened, she lowered the knife. She stared at Illumi in silence for another moment before inching back. If Illumi was a heavy sleeper, she needed to do more than trusting Illumi's gut feeling to detect the rancid vibe she was giving.

A sharp poke, perhaps?

So Hisoka did just that. Thrice, for a good measure.

Still. Illumi didn't stir, at all.

Hisoka leaned in until her mouth almost touched Illumi's ear. Briefly, she considered it, only to pull back at the last second, rethinking her move.

Suppose she could climb on top of Illumi and scare her awake. No doubt that was the best choice that would absolutely lead to the outcome she wanted. The rumor was already there, thus all she needed to do was to somehow realize it in the worst way possible.

Or…

Her eyes flickered to the side.

Illumi definitely would wake up to the sound her ear was trained to hear, no?

Hisoka turned and took a step forward, intending to grab the clock from the desk. She never actually tried messing around with an alarm before—solely because she hadn't seen the reason to and wasn't really interested in anything clock-related—though she assumed it wouldn't be that hard to figure out. Well, she'd know when she got her hands on it.

Her step came to an abrupt stop.

The octopus-sized clock, wasn't there.

She spun around in an instant, her mind reeling, arm instinctively raised in front of her face as the clock hit her a millisecond later. The shock came first, then the pain followed, the knife slipping out of her grip. Before she could register, a force slammed her in the middle. She crashed against the floor, her back nearly cracked. The next thing she knew was a pillow pressed against her face, and that alone shouldn’t have been enough to suffocate her if only Illumi didn’t prop what seemed to be her entire arm on it.

It took another second for Hisoka to recover. By the time she did, Illumi had already climbed on top of her, pressing down all her weight with the intent to crush her. Hisoka's hands shot up, grabbing on whatever—Illumi’s hair, her shoulder—and she tried to move her legs; to kick around, but Illumi was lying on her.

And Illumi felt heavier than she looked.

Or perhaps it was the panic response of being smothered that contributed to the feeling. And the unexpected aggression. Unbidden, her mind went to a memory long buried, of hands wrapped around her throat. Of looking up and seeing her own eyes staring back at her.

Quickly, she dispelled that unpleasant echo and focused on the current unpleasant moment.

“Shh,” Illumi whispered, her elbow sharp against the pillow. “Be a good girl and stay still.”

Hisoka didn't hear the footsteps coming, too caught up in the moment. Illumi further pressed down Hisoka's muffled protests, effectively choking her. Any moment now she could actually run out of air.

“Zoldyck?” The Head Nun called, so close. She must be right behind the door. Hisoka wasn’t surprised that she didn’t just barge in like she usually did with the others’ rooms. There was a tinge of fake concern in that old lady's voice that she specifically put to use in front of a visiting priest or local government officer when they came to check up on her. “Is everything alright?”

“Yes, I’m alright,” Illumi replied in a perfectly calm tone while Hisoka struggled beneath her. “Just a nightmare. I fell off the bed.”

“A nightmare?” The Head Nun parroted. “Must be an awful one. Are you hurt?”

Hisoka’s hands trailed down, from Illumi's hair and shoulder to the sides of her body.

“A little shocked. It's no biggie.”

“Would you like me to come in so you can tell me what it is about?”

Illumi shifted above just as Hisoka managed to grab her hips. She tried to flip Illumi over, but a sharp elbow to the rib cut out the attempt. “Thank you, but no need. I don’t really remember.”

“I'll have Sister Eta send you a cup of tea.”

Hisoka clenched her nails hard onto Illumi’s hips, though Illumi didn’t seem deterred. Her hands moved down to cup Illumi's butt and squeezed, the act coincided with Illumi answering the Head Nun's suggestion.

“N—uh,” An accidental, sharp gasp escaped her lips, which to Hisoka sounded sweeter than any song performed by the choir. The Head Nun called out to her again. Hisoka gave another squeeze, making Illumi tense. “No—I mean,” Illumi shifted above her, the pillow against her face pressed down harder.

Still cupping Illumi's ass, Hisoka wasn't about to give in. Several of her fingers went to follow a fabric line that shaped the crack of her butthole, and they were met with some padding inside her pants.

Oh, that’s right. The pads.

“... That won’t be necessary,” Illumi said, apparently and unfortunately for Hisoka, able to get her shit together. Feeling that her consciousness began to fade, Hisoka fondled Illumi’s butt again, squeezing with all the force she could muster. She'd go down alright, but at least she managed to cop a feel while doing it.

Hisoka thought she heard them conversing a little more, but her head was spinning so fast the words didn't make sense to her.

Just when she was about to pass out, the pillow was lifted from her face. Hisoka gasped sharply, the air refilled her lungs in a sudden, almost painful way. She coughed and coughed. For some reason, she wasn’t able to move. Her eyes were watery, so she blinked a few times, her sight clearing slowly. Illumi had leaned back and shifted backwards. This time she was sitting on Hisoka's stomach, which explained why she couldn't sit up.

“Hisoka,” Illumi tilted her head to the side, eyes fixed on her, voice strangely light. Nearly cheerful, even; like she merely greeted her as they passed each other down the hall instead of her trying to suffocate Hisoka to death not a moment ago. “What are you doing here?”

Hisoka had to gulp a mouthful of air before she could speak. Even so, the sound was barely there. “...-an y…u… mo-...”

“What?”

“... I don't… hate.. this, but.” She patted Illumi's thigh twice, the other hand on her knee. Illumi’s weight was practically flattening her to the floor. Pausing briefly, she managed to regain her voice back, bit by bit. “I… would enjoy it, even more if you could just. Move back. A little bit.”

“Why?”

“You are… crushing my tummy right… now.” Hisoka suspected her attempt at a smile looked more similar to a grimace. She felt like her middle was going to burst at any moment. “Illumi. Will you please move.”

Despite the barely disguised urgency in Hisoka's voice, Illumi didn't appear to be in a rush. “Why should I do that?”

Hisoka stared at her. Illumi stared back. Nothing behind those eyes were the things she expected to see—mockery, taunting, anger, disgust—only blatant, almost childlike curiosity. It took a moment to realize that Illumi wasn't going anywhere, literally, or the fact that she didn't do it out of spite. Hisoka couldn’t even find it in her to feel humiliated at this turn of event. After all, she was the one who pulled a knife on Illumi first.

That, and she wasn’t lying when she said she didn’t hate it. Not entirely.

Illumi leaned in, pressing her weight down even more. Hisoka almost choked.

Her fingers dug onto Illumi's thighs, trying to let out a breath that she was quickly losing. Her brain turned fast, and after a couple of seconds, she managed to find her voice once more. “I took my sandals off.”

Illumi halted.

From the looks of it, she seemingly considered this. Hisoka sure as hell hoped she did.

It felt like a decade long before she finally drew back, settling on Hisoka's thighs instead. Hisoka shut her eyes as she sucked in as much air as she could, her chest and stomach heaved up and down, the pain lingering still; but the relief that came with it was worth it.

When Hisoka opened her eyes again, she saw that Illumi was holding the knife in one hand, examining it. Silence fell between them as she calmed her breathing, and very slowly, she propped herself up on each elbow.

Illumi turned her gaze on her.

“Hisoka,” She spoke again, still in that strange cheery tone that didn’t match the lack of expression on her face. “What are you doing here?”

“How long have you been awake?”

“I asked first,” Illumi said, tipping the knife down.

Hisoka blinked once. First she eyed the blade, giving it a prolonged look, then back to Illumi; who was still staring at her unblinking. At last, she let out a sigh. The corners of her lips curled into a smile. So that's how you wanna play. “I want to get out of this place.”

This time, something on her face shifted. Illumi looked at her like she was speaking in a whole different language. “By entering my room?”

“That's what I said.” Hisoka leaned back against the floor, eyes averted to the ceiling. She put her hand over her stomach, gingerly rubbing the pain away. Illumi's weight on her thighs prevented her from moving too much, but she felt warm and there were bigger things to worry about.

Like explaining why she did what she did.

“You know that I'm their ‘charity project’, yes? A troubled kid that they took from the hands of the government so they could shape me into a righteous, proper young lady, and they voluntarily do this because—” She mimicked the Head Nun’s voice. “It’s in our call to empathize with and help those in need?”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“Do you think I like being stuck here?” Hisoka scoffed. “There are things I’d like to see out there. But they won't let me leave until I'm eighteen—and it’s absolutely not out of concern for me, an underage girl in this big, merciless world alone. They just don't want to lose the monthly ‘pocket money’ the government is sending them as long as I stay here—”

“I thought it only happens with foster parents situation.”

“Nope. Why do you think they took me in the first place?”

Illumi opened her mouth again, but Hisoka beat her to it.

“How this is relevant to your initial question,” Hisoka put her hand away and propped herself back up on both elbows. Maintaining eye contact with Illumi, she continued, before she lost the nerve.

“I've tried to get expelled many times, Illumi. Smuggling cigs and porn DVDs, breaking into places I'm not supposed to, going through their stuff, stealing, scribbling on the walls, threatening my roomies. I plant rumors about myself and let them spread among others. I attacked the Math teacher during class. Hell, I don’t even remember what else I’ve done. I tried to be very unpleasant in every way possible, but they always come up with an excuse to keep me here no matter what.”

Only after she finished speaking did she realize how embarrassing it was for her to say those things out loud, considering she had unapologetically performed a very specific image intended for everyone to see. Now she just sounded pathetic.

Hisoka mentally punched herself back to composure before she could have a meltdown.

No use crying over spilled milk. So what if one person knows?

“Damn.” Illumi furrowed her eyebrows, something that Hisoka thought wasn't possible for her to do. “I wonder how many zeroes they got in there.”

Hisoka sighed and shook her head, indicating you don’t want to know.

“After a while, I realised perhaps I’ve been doing it wrong—that I wasn’t bothering the right person.” Her eyes narrowed slightly, lips curling into a smug smile. “And then you came along. I've been thinking about it for a while, but your story was the one that drove me to act. It occurred to me the outcome would be totally different if I messed around with you. Either I get caught or you and your parents file a complaint, even that old hag would be forced to back down. Worst case is they send me to the juvie, but anywhere's better than here.”

At the end of her sentence, she lifted a finger to touch the side of the blade. Smooth and cold. A sudden impulse tempted her to cut her skin on the sharp edge, but Illumi was watching her with that intense stare of hers, and that cleared the lingering fog in her head. Then, with a tone that declared like she just figured something out, Illumi said, “You're not lying.”

Hisoka raised an eyebrow. “Why would I lie to someone who's holding me on a knifepoint?”

Illumi looked at the knife, seemingly just remembering it was there. “Oh, I didn't mean that. I'm sorry.”

She sounded like she actually meant it and drew her hand back, placing the knife on the floor next to her with deliberate care. The pressure shifted off Hisoka's thighs a little bit, and she used this chance to straighten up, moving to prop herself on both palms instead the same time Illumi turned back to face her.

“I don't mind if you did.”

“So I'm your escape ticket,” Illumi mused, to which Hisoka responded with a nod. “I thought you liked me.”

Hisoka took a moment to pause.

In the light of everything up till now, she'd probably think the same if she was in Illumi's place. Still, the idea was really, really funny to her.

Snatching this opening to try and wrench back control of the situation, Hisoka leaned closer, placing her hand on Illumi's thigh. She fluttered her eyelashes at Illumi, fingers squeezing suggestively. “But,” She drawled, “you thought I was a pervert.”

Illumi, unperturbed as before, pushed her hand away and rose from her lap, though she didn’t move right away. Just standing above her with each foot beside her thighs. Hisoka, still sitting on the floor, looked up slightly.

“This won't be the first time some pervert took a liking to me,” She said, her voice even as she took two steps back. “I’m not going to help your case.”

“I can see that,” Hisoka sighed. She eyed her own legs and tried moving them, but the sudden numbness felt like a jolt of surprise. Maybe Illumi indeed weighed more than she seemed to be.

“You still have two more years to survive,” Illumi spoke, making her look up again. Down here, with long black hair framing her pale face and eyes akin to a starless night, she looked every inch the picture of a drowned ghost from a folklore storybook Hisoka once read in a local library. It unnerved her, enough that she wasn't going to be shocked if Illumi suddenly opened her jaws and ate her whole.

Instead, Illumi held out a hand toward her. “How about spending them with me?”

Huh?

Hisoka stared at Illumi’s hand, almost certain she’d heard it wrong. Did she just get proposed to? It sure sounded like one. But she wasn’t that delusional to think Illumi meant what she meant, no matter how genuine she sounded.

But as her gaze went back up to Illumi’s face, she saw that her expression didn’t shift.

It made Hisoka almost believe her. Almost.

Then it struck her.

“I had no idea you rich people still keep slaves,” Hisoka said dryly.

For a split second, Illumi's face twisted into confusion. “Slaves?” She blinked twice. “I said with me, not for me.” Then perhaps, seeing the persistent disbelief on her face, Illumi added, as if it wasn’t a big deal for her, “I like you, Hisoka.”

…

It felt like an endless minute passed between them. Filled solely by silence.

The knife forgotten, clock lying somewhere nearby with the now familiar tick tock, tick tock sound.

Her fingers twitched. It wasn't until she shifted her palms on the floor that she realized her hands were damp. The floor was cold, and she was sweating.

Hisoka rose from her position, ignoring Illumi's outstretched hand. Her thighs were still a bit stiff, but she managed not to limp. She could sense Illumi observing her without a word as she wiped her hands on her pajamas, her motion unhurried. Then she looked at Illumi. As she stepped closer, her smile returned to her face, sharp and cold as a blade.

When Hisoka stood straight in front of Illumi, for the first time she noticed something else that she never really paid attention to. Although she towered over most women in general, Illumi wasn't that much shorter than her. She didn’t have to crane her neck down just to speak to her. But, she did pack quite a few pounds on her person compared to Illumi, and if she didn't fall into another cheap element of surprise, she was certain she could demolish Illumi with ease. If the situation demanded it.

And thus, Hisoka leaned closer. Illumi didn’t blink or avert her eyes, which she had expected. After all that happened, Illumi still didn’t take her seriously, thinking she was all bark and no bite.

Illumi got lucky that she managed to humble her, or the fact Hisoka allowed it to happen this long.

“If you like me,” Hisoka drawled, deliberately making it known she meant it as a provocation. One that she would threaten to act upon if Illumi let a crack show on her demeanor like she did this afternoon. “Then surely you will let me kiss you?”

As if Jesus himself was watching over to make sure this exchange went in her favor, she saw Illumi’s jaw tightened. It tickled her sense of victory even more when she realised Illumi was glaring at her.

Feeling giddy, Hisoka leaned in closer, until their noses almost touched. She eyed Illumi's lips for a second, then returned her glare, taunting, “May I?”

A moment of silence followed, with them staring each other down less than a breath away.

Hisoka looked into Illumi’s eyes. With tension brimming around them, she thought it was her wild imagination that cooked it up at first. It took a while for her to realize it wasn't. The moonlight might be her only companion at this moment, but she saw that the colour of Illumi's eyes was, in fact, not black. Probably never was.

Up close, under the minimal lighting, she spotted a speck of violet in them.

Illumi took a step back.

This startled Hisoka, who blinked in return, though she managed to regain her composure in less than a second later. She let out a chuckle, watching Illumi turn her back on her to approach the desk. When she saw that Illumi reached for Mother Mary, she immediately braced herself for the impact.

Instead of using it as a weapon like she did with the clock, Illumi turned the statue around, so that its face was facing the wall.

Then, just like that, she returned to Hisoka. Standing in front of her. Chin tilted up a bit. “You may.”

Now it was Hisoka's turn to freeze.

Jesus was, in fact, not watching at all. Neither is his mother.

Illumi looked at her in silence, waiting, not bothering to mask the blatant challenge in her eyes. Daring her to walk the talk. That honestly riled her up—but she hesitated, and she didn’t understand why she was feeling like this.

Her palms were damp again.

She needed to act quickly. A small part of her brain told her it wasn't to prove herself. She had nothing to lose.

So Hisoka shifted closer. Carefully, she placed her hands on Illumi's upper arms, testing her reaction. Illumi didn’t flinch.

Well, Hisoka thought.

She dove in.

There were no sparks when their lips touched, neither did it feel magical like those flowery descriptions from many romance novels she read. Illumi's lips—and her own—were somewhat dry, and as they pressed together, it was kind of awkward and uncomfortable. For a moment there, everything was still.

Then she tilted her head, opening her mouth slightly. Illumi hadn’t responded, but she didn’t pull back either, so Hisoka decided it was safe to keep going. This new angle gave her a pleasant feeling; only a little bit, like a butterfly just slipped out of its cocoon and began fluttering its wings inside her stomach. A giggle bubbled in her throat, threatening to escape.

Hisoka moved her lips against Illumi's, keeping it soft and careful. She held one hand up to touch her jaw, guiding Illumi to open her mouth as well. Perhaps it only happened in her head, but she thought she could sense Illumi’s heart beating a bit faster under there. Just like hers.

And when Illumi did open her mouth, the kiss slowly grew from slightly pleasant into something more similar to the feeling that was described in those writings. Illumi was soft and warm and pliant, and Hisoka wanted to keep kissing her all night long.

Alas, she really wanted to see how red Illumi was right now. Thus she drew back not long after, both their breaths slow, lips wet and shiny. Illumi was somewhat facing down with both eyes closed, perhaps attempting to regain her composure.

She blinked once, tilting Illumi’s chin up; wanting this moment to last. To drink upon the look on Illumi's face. A smile started to form on her lips.

And Illumi. Oh, Illumi.

She slowly opened her eyes.

Hisoka’s smile widened.

Illumi met Hisoka’s eyes. Not a slightest blush on sight, though the unimpressed look was unmistakably there; as clear as day on her face.

“Is that it?”

Hisoka's smile faltered.

Before she could actually react, Illumi grabbed the front of her pajamas, yanking her forward. Her fingers were on the back of Hisoka's hair at once, forcing her head to lean down a bit, keeping her to stay still as their mouths clashed against each other. The hand that was on her pajamas slithered to her nape, further locking her in place. Illumi’s mouth was hot and wet against hers, crashing and flattening. It was less kissing, more teeth and aggression. Illumi was devouring her.

Despite everything, Hisoka's brain short-circuited. It became apparent that while Illumi was clumsy, she was still so relentless; her mouth working to force her to open up, tongue pushing past her teeth, sliding in to greet her own and that was when Hisoka lost it.

The fluttering wings, gone.

All that left was flame; starting as a spark, then quickly turned into blaze, its tongues hissing and licking her insides like snakes, leaving her to burn; to crave for more.

She had no idea how much time had passed. All she thought about was Illumi's lips, her tongue, her hands on her nape, Illumi. Their mouths moved against each other, tasting, testing. Searching for something neither of them could name. Trying to force the other to back down; and it was ungainly, messy, disgusting. Hisoka pulled her impossibly closer by the hips, their bodies now pressing against each other, and they melted into one person.

The moment Illumi pulled away, Hisoka attempted to chase her lips, but Illumi held her jaw the way one would keep a dog from misbehaving.

“If you want to take advantage of me,” Illumi said, her breath steadying. Hand squeezing tight, almost making Hisoka groan. “Do it right.”

With that, she stepped back, using the back of her hand to wipe her lips.

Hisoka stared. Blinking twice; thrice. Then she barked a laugh, unbidden and spontaneous, causing her stomach to hurt. Remembering the Head Nun, she muffled the sound with the back of her hand.

Illumi bent down to pick the knife up. Silently, she went to the desk, placed it there, and crouched down, hand reaching for the octopus clock.

As her laugh turned into a trail of giggles, Hisoka said rather smugly, “You really do like me.”

“Yes,” Illumi confirmed, not an ounce of bashfulness detected. After putting the clock next to the knife, she sat on the edge of the bed, and pulled her blanket. She looked at Hisoka, her tone calm yet tinged with something soft. “I like you almost as much as I like Mike.”

Hisoka's brow raised, curiosity piqued. A smile tugging at her lips. “Who's Mike?”

“Mike's my dog.”

A thrill ran down her spine. How absurd.

Illumi lifted her legs to the bed, and when she pushed them under the rabbit blanket, Hisoka approached. She knelt on the side of the bed, propping her chin atop Illumi's thigh, then nuzzled her cheek against the soft fabric.

“Sooo,” Hisoka said sweetly, her tone laced with playful mockery. She looked up the same time Illumi flicked her eyes at her. “Will I get my own collar?”

Illumi reclined her head against the pillow. “When you behave.”

“I want it pink.”

“Sure,” She agreed, pointing toward the door. “Can you leave now? I want to sleep.”

Hisoka pretended to pout. “I don’t mind sleeping here. On your feet.”

“No.”

“No?”

“Absolutely not.”

With a chuckle, she lifted her face off Illumi's thigh and rose from the floor. Hisoka went to get her sandals from the rack, bending down slightly to take them between her thumb and index finger.

“You haven't thanked me for helping you today,” Hisoka spoke again as she slipped her foot into her sandals.

“I let you watch, didn't I?”

“Yes, you did,” Left palm on the door handle, she turned slightly to see Illumi lying on the bed, watching her. “But a simple ‘thank you’ wouldn't hurt.”

Illumi blinked. “Thank you, Hisoka.”

Hisoka smiled at her, bowing. “Happy to help.” Then, just when she was about to turn and press down on the handle, Illumi called her.

“Hisoka.”

She frowned and glanced back. Somewhat feeling deja vu.

But Illumi wasn't looking at her, so Hisoka followed the direction of her eyes. The front of her pajamas, around the middle and the thighs, there were trails of what looked like… dark liquid.

Hisoka let go of the handle and pinched her top, then her trousers; blinking repeatedly, dead certain that she was just seeing things. The trails were still there. Without thinking, she slipped her right hand into her pants and brushed her vagina. Her time of the month ended last week. How is it pos—

Her fingers were clean.

Illumi tossed the blanket off her body and sat up at once, eyes looking down. Her blood had seeped out of her pants, staining the fabric, though it wasn't nearly as bad as earlier this afternoon. For a split second, Hisoka wondered whether it was her fault. Back then, when they were on the floor, she…

“Oh.”

Illumi raised her eyebrows.

Play dumb, play dumb.

Keeping her mouth shut, Hisoka only stood there while Illumi rose from the bed, pulling her trousers down along with the pants. She watched Illumi opening the drawers to take out the pack with remaining pads inside. Another black-colored undie followed. Illumi turned to her as she tore the wrapping off.

“Sorry, Hisoka.” Her face showed no hint of regret, though she sounded genuinely sorry. “Please take off your clothes.”

She doesn’t connect the dots. Hisoka looked down and gave her pajamas another once-over. “This is such an unsexy way to get me naked.”

Illumi ignored the remark, gesturing toward her wardrobe. “You can borrow mine.”

Nothing in Illumi’s wardrobe looked appealing enough to pick, but Hisoka didn’t have the luxury to complain. She settled on a black shirt and white pants that were a bit too tight in some places, her eyes occasionally wandering in Illumi's direction, who was busy fixing herself up.

When both of them were done, Illumi bent down, seemingly to grab Hisoka’s dirty pajamas. In a flash, Hisoka snatched them right under Illumi's hovering hand.

“Nu-uh,” Hisoka wiggled her finger in front of Illumi's face. “You don't clean up after someone else's dirt, remember?”

“Technically, my dirt is on them.”

Illumi attempted to take the pajamas back. Hisoka lifted them above her head, stretching her arm up as high as she could—out of Illumi’s reach. Which led to Illumi punching her in the gut. Hisoka doubled over, with Illumi wrestling them out of her hand—actually, trying to—since she held on to them tight, not letting go.

“Illumi, this is ridiculous.”

“It's disgusting,” Illumi retorted. “Hand them over. I will burn them in the morning.”

“No, no, it’s okay. This is my only pajamas,” Hisoka reasoned, “the other one's still in the laundry basket.”

Illumi stopped, but only for a moment. “Then I'll buy you a new one,” She decided. “Or a dozen. Give me your size and they'll be ready in a few hours.”

Seizing this chance, Hisoka inched closer to the door, pajamas tucked under her arm. Illumi didn’t follow, though her eyes were on her. Judging from how persistent Illumi was, something she had taken note of ever since the latter tried to suffocate her to death earlier, Hisoka probably needed to give her something else to focus on. A distraction enough to keep her mind off the dirty pajamas.

As a matter of fact…

“Do you feel bad, Illumi?”

“Yes.” No hesitation. That’s cute.

Hisoka’s hand was on the door handle, ready to dart out. “Are you serious about buying me a dozen pairs of pajamas?”

A frown appeared on her forehead. “Of course.”

“Then,” Hisoka smirked, slowly pressing down on the handle, “take me out so we can shop together. Tomorrow.”

The silence that followed only lasted two seconds. “We have class until three,” Illumi reminded her. “And after that, we need to attend the Mass.”

That made Hisoka roll her eyes. “You literally skipped the confession this morning.”

“I had a valid reason for that.”

“Is my reason not valid enough?” Hisoka challenged. “I’ll be sleeping naked for the rest of the week, you know.”

Not that she cared. She was just arguing for the sake of arguing, and she was curious whether Illumi would cave.

Illumi paused. Hisoka could almost see her mind turning at the thought of that, though perhaps they were not thinking it in the same manner. She suspected Illumi just needed a little more push…

“It’s the only way you can make it up to me.”

“Fine,” Illumi relented. Unhappy, but not mad, just resigned to fate. As Illumi reclined back on the bed, she side-eyed Hisoka before continuing. “Meet me here at three thirty.”

Hisoka made a finger gun. “Gotcha. Oh, by the way—while we’re at it, I can give you some fashion advice too,” She winked at her. “In fact, I know just the right kind of outfit for you.”

This time, Illumi actually looked rather offended. “There's nothing wrong with my clothes.”

“Whoever lied to you will stub their toe and slip on the bathroom floor,” Hisoka flicked her hand carelessly, opening the door, the sound echoing in the hallway. “See you?”

Illumi, silent and wide-eyed, looked at her like she was imagining cutting her brain out to observe what it was made of. “You're up to something.”

Hisoka only smiled and said nothing else.

Back in her own room, her shrinking roommate was still under the blanket; the top of her brown hair popped out. From a glance Hisoka could tell that she had fallen asleep, probably after repeatedly chanting Our Father. That might sound exaggerated, but Hisoka noticed she always did that whenever it happened to be just the two of them in the room.

(As you see, the twelfth grade students—which included the other two roommates—were off on a mandatory retreat before the final exams, and they wouldn't be back until next week.)

She bent her head down to avoid bumping into the top bunk. The bed dipped under her weight as she sat down, legs stretched, and eyes boring into particularly nothing for a while. Only then the events of the night came crashing down all at once.

Was it all a dream? It must be. A wild, strange one; similar to a fever dream.

In the dinner hall, she had fantasized about the whole scenario while staring at Illumi’s empty seat. After curfew, she had laid down on the bed and kept thinking of it, but she didn’t get out of her bed, nor did she crept up into Illumi Zoldyck’s room wielding a knife. Illumi didn’t tackle her to the floor. No one smothered her with a pillow. It was crazy for her to dream of making out with Illumi when she never saw her that way. Also, Illumi didn’t like her. How did her subconsciousness come up with the idea? And they certainly weren't going on a date tomorrow.

Even now, Hisoka dreamed of sitting on the bed, staring into nothing. She dreamed with her eyes open. Just for that single moment, she felt like she could continue dreaming all night.

She closed her eyes, hand moved around. Then she opened them and looked down.

Over her knees draped the pajamas.

Her fingers grazed them, feeling the fabric, and she lifted them under the direction of the small table lamp so she could see it. There, splattered over the front, were trails of dark liquid. She hadn’t had the chance to wash this pajamas in a while. The dirt, she must've gotten it from somewhere. She should put them back in the laundry basket. Why did she take them out in the first place?

She thumbed the trails.

No. That was the other one. She told Illumi about it.

This, made her stop.

For a while, her mind was blank.

Not knowing what came unto her, Hisoka brought the fabric close to her face. And she took a long, deep sniff.

The smell was her own. Under it, a very faint scent of something else.

Hisoka had wanted to get away from this place. Forget about everything—cast it all away, including everything in her possession currently, until it felt like no more than an old memory from another lifetime, as she did with that woman. All things considered, she managed to do it, no? She couldn’t even remember what that woman looked like anymore.

Even so, things are different now.

From the day she was born into this world, Hisoka was a fish swimming in a big, turbulent river. She had not only familiarized herself with the chaotic current, she embraced it. Lived for it. Along the way, a fishhook had snatched her out of that river, forcing her into the calm pond with a bunch of fish born and raised in captivity. It was amusing for some time, the tranquility of it all, but she longed for that river.

What she thought was her getaway to freedom, turned out to be a ripple. One enough to make her pause and consider.

She pictured the frown on Illumi's face; the way she would say something so honestly outlandish without blinking. Or how her lips moved against hers with such ferocity. Then her voice slid into her mind. Almost as if Illumi was here with her in this room.

This is my first time, Illumi had told her.

Hisoka took another long inhale. She wasn’t a sentimental person, but perhaps she would keep this one around, blood and all, for a while.

After all, she was quite fond of ripples.