Chapter Text
Katsuki refuses to say it, but he actually cares about Deku. No, not a little, not a small bit, alot. And he can't stand seeing deku running into harm's way getting hurt. When will the nerd learn that everything Katsuki does is for his shitty life. Today after class he got so mad that even after all this time the nerd still wants to go to UA. So without thinking he told the nerd that “If he ever wanted to be good at anything, to take a swan dive off the roof of a building.” Thinking back at it, Katsuki went a bit too far—he knows it but the nerd would never do a thing like that? He’s too stubborn to do that, too sweet… too kind… too shitty.
So Katsuki was walking out the school building, those stupid extra’s following behind him. No matter how hard he tried to get them to leave him alone, those stupid extra’s always came back. Anyways as he walked to the court yard he heard something falling and then saw a blur of green hair falling and then, red.
Green… There's only one person in this school with green hair, he looks down to his feet to see Deku’s battered and broken body. His brain showing, bones sticking out in wrong places, his neck cracked open.
Katsuki can't breathe.
He can’t blink,
He can't tear his eyes from Deku's battered body.
He can’t fucking move.
“No…” His voice cracks.
“No no no no no—” The words tumble out of him like vomit. His lungs won’t fucking work. His chest won’t rise. Everything inside of him is collapsing in of itself. His knees give out and suddenly he’s on the ground, crawling towards Deku’s body, hands shaking so bad they don’t even feel like his anymore.
He grabs Deku’s arm, it’s cold. Stiff. He shakes it.
“Get up.” His voice is hoarse. Too broken to feel like his anymore.
“Get up you piece of shit! This isn’t funny!”
He’s shaking him harder, with more force. The stupid extras behind him aren't doing anything. Katsuki stares behind them, to see them vomiting out their insides. “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? CALL 119!”
Fingers fumbles for his phone and then Katsuki looks back to Deku.
“You stupid FUCKING NERD” Bakugo yells, shaking the stupid deku more. Tears are streaming down his face, blood on his hands and middle school uniform. “Why would you do something like this…” He hiccups, his sobs going unanswered. Someone walks up behind him and puts their arm on his shoulder.
“H-Hey bakugou… I don't thing you should be-”
“DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME!” Katsuki roars, voice tearing out of his throat. He jerks away from the hand like it burned him. “Dont touch me—dont fucking talk to me.”
Whoever it is stumbles back, Maybe it was Fingers. Maybe that other shitty extra. Doesn’t matter. They’re all a blur now, A mess of blurred faces with X’s. None of them matter. Not right now.
Only deku.
Only the crumpled body infront of him. Blood on the pavement, green curls matted with red. The stupid black look on those stupid eyes that still looks soft even when he looks like this.
“You weren’t supposed to fucking DO IT!” he screams, voice cracking so violently he barley sounds human anymore. “You were supposed to yell at me! And be fucking stubborn… YOU LITTLE SHIT!”
His fist raises on instinct and slams into Deku’s face. One, two—then he stops. He’s crying too hard to keep hitting.
There’s snot running down his face. But he doesn't care. There's blood on his lips from where he bit down too hard. Don't give a shit. He clutches Deku’s uniform pressing his forehead against his chest like maybe, maybe if he holds him hard enough… Shake him hard enough… Punches him hard enough… He’ll come back.
“You weren’t supposed to leave,” he whispers. “You weren't supposed to leave me… Y-You said that we would be together forever… You little liar…”
He doesn’ hear the sirens. Doesn’t feel the crowd closing in. Doesn't even realize his hands are still on Deku’s body when the paramedics arrive, pulling him away. He fights them like a rabid dog, screaming until his voice gives out, until someone uses a quirk on him to put him to sleep and everything starts to blur.
The last thing he remembers before everything goes black is Deku’s hand—bloodied, small—slipping out of his grip.
Katsuki wakes up screaming.
THe world is white and sterile and just wrong. Theres a ceiling above him that he doesn’t recognize, lights too bring, bed too soft, sheets too clean. He sits up so hast the IV in his arm yanks and stings. His heart’s still pounding, ears ringing, mouth dry. His breath hiccups in his throat.
For one spit second—one impossible aching second he forgets.
Then everything hits him all at once.
“Deku,” he chokes out, eyes wide, darting around the hospital room. “Where is he? Where the fuck is the?!”
He rips out the IV, the heart monitor screaming beside him. A nurse burts in, panic already on her face trying to calm him. What’s the point, Katsuki IS calm… The calmest he can be when Deku's not in his line of sight, probably dying… No he needs to get to him.
“WHERE IS HE?!”
“Bakugo please! Calm down, you—”
“I need to hee him! Let me see him!” He tries to get off the bed, legs shaking like he’s made of paper. The nurse blocks the door.
He shoves her.
Another one rushes in. Then another. And another. It takes four to hold him down again, one whispering into her comm about a sedation quirk, and that’s when Katsuki stops fighting His strength draining out of him. He slumps to the floor,
“…I just wanna see him…”
A nurse kneels beside him, voice soft. Too soft.
“Katsuki…”
He flinches. No one ever says his name like that. Not gently. Not with pity.
“I’m sorry…” she whispers.
And then everything is a blur again, those X’s appearing again. And katsuki passes out.
Deku… Deku died… and it's all his fault.