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The sink's knob was turned to shut off. Blue had gathered his thoughts enough. Enough to think for himself again.
He was blinking through the tears. He was losing grip. He knew he was just failing everything, again and again, meeting dead end after dead end. Blue just felt an endless amount of weight on him and he simply wasn't strong enough to carry it.
With his mind at ease a bit, he finally sees himself in the mirror. If it weren't for his already spiky hair, he'd probably look more like a wreck. Too bad he already looked like one from the beginning. Blue softly chuckles. Yeah, he's a mess. A huge, fucking mess that can't be cleaned. Not easily.
"Blue?" Shit. He looks over to the doorframe. There you stand. He's been caught. Blue has to plaster that bastardly smile back on again. You ask if everything is alright. After all, what else could this have been? Maybe the water was running because he was nervous or sick. You didn't know. Right?
"Oh, yeah, everything is fine," Blue turned his back to the sink, running his left hand through his hair, "It's all fine, it's fine, I'm fine." The more he said it, the less you were convinced.
You simply blink a few times before approaching Blue. Take his face, his cheek, into your right hand. He doesn't look fine, you mentioned. You're tired, groggy, it's the middle of the night, but you can read Blue like a book. It's not hard, especially when Blue makes everything about him on the front cover.
Typically, Blue can keep it together. Keep it together in front of his students, his colleagues, in front of Red, Leaf, even Oak– But you? Why does he feel like he can't keep this from you?
Why are the tears actually ready to fall this time? In front of you? The one person who saw him for who he is and never for who he was? He wasn't prepared for this, this wasn't in his research, this wasn't in his courses, this was never in the handbooks!
He choked on his own words before finally, just slowly, putting his arms around you. He was done, he'd rather surrender than hide much longer. Blue has hid his shit for long enough and you're going to be the shoulder he would cry on.
"I'm sorry," Blue's arms tighten, "There's a lot I've never lived up to.
"I just feel like I'm not enough."