Archive of Our Own ^beta

The heavy clack of his military boots echoed against the marble, each step cutting cleanly through the silence. At last, he stopped at his apartment door, fishing into his pocket for the key. With a quick turn of the lock, he stepped inside. 

He had just come home from a long shift, an extra day tackled on to make up for the time he'd missed while sick. His colleagues had invited him out for drinks after that, making him come home relatively close to 11pm. 

"Baby, I'm home~!" Jeonghan called out, dropping his bag onto the bench in the hallway with a soft thud. 

The small yet quick shuffle of footsteps rang down the hall, as Joshua jumped into Jeonghan's arms. Like always, they'd 

"How was the concert?" Jeonghan asked, kissing him quickly before settling him down. 

Joshua smiled. "It was good. Didn't rain, thankfully." 

Jeonghan wandered toward the kitchen and grabbed a cold bottle of water from the fridge. "Really? I heard from the group chat you performed your solo." 

"Yeah. It was okay, I was kinda nervous though. How was work?" Joshua asked, sitting on the couch and unlocking his phone. 

Jeonghan shrugged. "Nothing much. Just paperwork, then Jisung asked me to go out for drinks with everyone." 

"No wonder you came home so late," Joshua said, putting his phone aside. "Wanna watch a movie?" 

Jeonghan nodded, settling comfortably next to Joshua on the couch, as the younger snuggled against him. They'd played some random movie - something they'd watched countless times, but he wasn't paying attention. His attention since he'd walked through the apartment doors was on the man in his arms. 

"Love?" Jeonghan murmured. 

"Hm?" Joshua hummed, glancing up at him. 

Jeonghan shook his head, twirling a strand of Joshua's hair between his fingers. "Nothing. Just missed you." 

Joshua snuggled closer. "I missed you too. All of us do. It's so difficult performing without you, Hannie." 

"I know, baby. I know. It's just another year, okay? Then I'll be back on stage with you."

Joshua sighed. "Yeah, but it's so weird. Now that you, Wonwoo, Hoonie and Soonie gone, the stage feels so empty. Like we're missing pieces of ourselves," he pouted softly. "Performing Rock With You is so weird without you by my side. Nonie did great, but it's not the same." 

Jeonghan's smile turned faint. "It's weird watching from the stands too. I don't think I'll ever get used to it. Seeing you up there without me... it's harder than I thought." 

"Gyu said in the chat that you're watching the concert tomorrow," Joshua cut in, steering them away from the heaviness. 

Jeonghan nodded. "Yeah. With Jihoon, Soonyoung, Wonwoo are going too. I think Na PD and Bumzu hyung as well." 

"Na PD?" Joshua blinked, almost in disbelief. 

Jeonghan shrugged. "Wonwoo told me. He was joking if we sat together, Na PD would probably make a fuss during the entire concert." 

Joshua giggled. "Sounds about right."  

Jeonghan hesitated just long enough for Joshua to burst out laughing. The movie became background noise as the room filled instead with their voices and laughter. 

"Let's go to bed," Jeonghan said at last, kissing Joshua's lips before standing. "You have a long day ahead tomorrow, and I'm coming to watch you perform." He slipped an arm beneath Joshua's knees and another around his back, lifting him with ease. 

"Wow, Mr. Lazy is strong now, huh?" Joshua teased. 

Jeonghan arched a brow. "Don't make me drop you on the floor, Hong Jisoo." 

Joshua let out a yelp, tightening his grip around Jeonghan's neck. "Don't you dare, Yoon Jeonghan!" 

"I wouldn't," Jeonghan chuckled, holding him closer. "Relax, Joshuji." 

Joshua peeked up at him with a smile. "You've been eating better. You're not as thin as you were last time." 

Jeonghan beamed proudly. "Yeah? Well, I have my cook at home to thank for that." 

Joshua's laugh softened into something tender. "Lucky you." 

"Lucky me?" Jeonghan leaned down until their foreheads touched. "No, baby. Lucky us." 

Jeonghan carried him to their bedroom, setting him down gently on their bed before heading toward the closet. He had been in uniform since 9 am that morning, and the stiffness of the fabric clung to him like a reminder of the long day. But, more importantly, he needed to change into something more comfortable before Joshua yelled at him for wrinkling his uniform. 

"You like the view?" Jeonghan teased, catching Joshua's reflection in the mirror as he began unbuttoning his shirt, lips curved into a knowing smirk.

Joshua propped himself up on his elbows, eyes glinting mischievously. "I'm jealous of whoever gets to see this every day." 

Jeonghan chuckled, sliding one arm out of his sleeve. "His name's Hong Jisoo. He's really pretty, y'know."

"Pretty?" Joshua scoffed playfully. "Is that the best you can do?"

Jeonghan finally turned, his shirt hanging loose, revealing the faint lines of his toned stomach. He stepped closer until he was leaning over Joshua, caging him in with his arms. His voice softened into something both teasing and sincere. 

"No. It's not. He's gorgeous. Beautiful. Breathtaking. Attractive. Stunning. Hot. Irresistible. Sexy. Magnificent. Drop-dead gorgeous. Devine. Cute. And most importantly-" he lowered his head until his lips brushed Joshua's ear. "-mine." 

Joshua's cheeks burned crimson, and he swatted Jeonghan's chest lightly. "Stop it! Quickly change. I wanna cuddle." 

Jeonghan pulled back with a smirk that screamed triumph. "Whatever the princess says, the princess shall get." 

He gave an exaggerated bow before striding back to the closet, tugging off his shirt completely and tossed it aside - receiving a whine from Joshua about how he has to painfully iron everything later - his muscles flexing under smooth skin. 

Joshua watched unabashedly, arms crossed over his chest as if it would stop the smile tugging at his lips. "You're showing off." 

"Of course I am," Jeonghan replied easily, grabbing a soft t-shirt from a hanger. "Who else do I have to impress but you?" 

Joshua rolled onto his side, pretending to pout. "You're so unfair." 

Jeonghan slipped into his shirt and turned, walking back to the bed. "Then, cuddle privileges revoked, until you admit you like it." 

Joshua gasped dramatically. "You wouldn't dare!" 

"Oh, I would," Jeonghan smirked, climbing onto the bed and leaning over him once more, arms braced on either side of Joshua. "So, do you like it?" 

Joshua's lips curled into a small, defeated smile. "... Maybe." 

"That's all I needed to hear," Jeonghan murmured, leaning down to press a kiss to Joshua's temple, rolling onto his side and pulling Joshua into his arms. Joshua settled against his chest easily, head resting against Jeonghan's chest, hearing his steady heartbeat, letting out a small, content sigh as Jeonghan wrapped the blanket over both of them. 

"Better?" Jeonghan asked softly. 

Joshua nuzzled closer. "So much better." 

Jeonghan smiled, pressing a kiss to Joshua's hair, as the younger one played with his hands. "You've been looking kinda sad, Joshuji." 

Joshua shook his head. "I'm not sad." 

Jeonghan hummed softly, unconvinced. He tilted Joshua's chin up with a gentle finger, his eyes searching the younger's face. "You're not that sad, but you're not happy either. What's up?" 

Joshua hesitated, eyes flickering away before he buried his face into Jeonghan's chest. "I just... I just missed you. These past few days... we've both been so busy. I barely get to see you anymore except for a goodnight kiss before you knock out." 

Jeonghan's chest tightened. He wrapped his arms tighter around Joshua, holding as though he could erase every lonely moment from him. "I'm sorry, my love. Work has been hectic, but that's no excuse for making you feel neglected." 

Joshua shook his head quickly. "You don't have to apologise. I know you're working hard. I'm just being clingy," he let out a small but sad chuckle. "It's weird finally being in a 9-5, huh?"

"Yeah. It's weird. I don't spend as much time with you anymore," Jeonghan sighed. "But, clingy is good," he whispered with a grin, brushing his lips against Joshua's forehead. "I like it when you cling to me. Reminds me how lucky I am to have someone who wants me around all the time." 

Joshua smiled faintly at that, his fingers tracing lazy circles on Jeonghan's hand. "Then don't complain when I stick to you like a shadow." 

Jeonghan chuckled, tightening his embrace. "Good. Don't ever let go." 

The room fell quiet after that, the only sound being the steady rhythm of their breaths syncing together, the kind of silence that didn't need filling.

Joshua stayed pressed against Jeonghan, but his sigh was heavy this time, more like the weight of everything he'd been holding back. "I'm... I'm scared, Hannie," he admitted softly, his voice muffled against Jeonghan's chest. 

Jeonghan's hand stilled on his back, the warmth of his palm grounding Joshua. "Scared of what, baby?" 

Joshua hesitated, twisting slightly so he could meet Jeonghan's eyes properly. The performance tomorrow. The stage feels... different now. Empty. You'll be in the stands. Wonwoo, Hoonie, Soonie... they're up there too. And I can't help thinking... what if I mess up? What if the fans notice something's off?" 

Jeonghan's thumb brushed gently over Joshua's cheek. "Joshuji, listen to me. You've got this, love. You've always got this. The stage might feel empty, but you're not alone. You've got the members, and more importantly, you've got me. Even if I'm not on the stage physically, I'm still in the stadium, watching and believing in you."

Joshua shook his head again, a small frown tugging at his lips. "It's not the same. I keep imagining you standing beside me, then I remember... you're not. And it makes me panic a little. What if... what if things never feel normal again after this year?" 

Jeonghan's chest tightened yet again. He pulled Joshua even closer, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Baby... this year is temporary. It's just another hurdle we have to get through. I know it's hard, and I know it feels endless. But, it's not permanent. We'll be together again. On and off stage, everywhere. I promise you. We'll go public when we're ready, and we'll do everything that we can't do now." 

Joshua swallowed, his throat tight. "And after you're back... what if things change? What if you're different? Or I am?" 

Jeonghan's lips curved softly into a reassuring smile. "Then we'll figure it out together. Nothing about us has to change unless we want it to. You're my anchor, Shuji-ya. And I'm yours. Military or not, stages or not, nothing- and I mean nothing - can take that away from us." 

Joshua's hands trembled slightly as he gripped Jeonghan's shirt. "I just... I don't want to lose us." 

"You won't," Jeonghan whispered, pressing his forehead to Joshua's. "Not ever. You're the only person I want by my side, no matter what happens. You hear me?" 

Joshua nodded against him, still anxious but clinging to Jeonghan's certainty like a lifeline. "I hear you... I just wish it didn't feel so far away sometimes." 

Jeonghan hugged him as tight as he could, murmuring softly into his hair. "Distance doesn't change what we have. It will be hard, but it won't break us. Not you, not me. Not us." 

Joshua rested his head against Jeonghan's chest, eyes wide open, listening to the steady heartbeat beneath his palm. even if fear and doubt lingered, Jeonghan's presence - steady and unwavering - was enough to keep him from spiralling completely. 

The idol's fingers curled into the social worker's shirt, his voice dropping to almost a whisper. "Do you ever think about... after? About what happens once you're done?" 

Jeonghan hummed softly, rubbing circles into Joshua's back. "All the time." 

Joshua hesitated. "And... what do you see?" 

Jeonghan leaned back a little so he could look into Joshua's eyes, his expression calm but serious. "I see us. Together. On stage again, travelling the world, laughing... fighting over stupid shit like who gets the last dumpling. I see us in the same space, not counting days or waiting for leave. Just living." 

Joshua's throat tightened again. "That sounds... perfect. But what if reality doesn't match that dream? What if the group changes so much that when you come back, it doesn't fit anymore?" 

Jeonghan smiled softly, but there was still a flicker of pain in his eyes - because he'd thought those same things. Still, he cupped Joshua's face, firm and gentle all at once. "Shua, the future will never be exactly what we picture. Things will shift. People will grow. But that doesn't mean it'll just fall apart. It just means that we'll have to adapt. And we've always been good at adapting, haven't we?" 

Joshua bit his lip, uncertain. "I just... I don't want to wake up one day and realise we don't fit anymore. That aybe you'll outgrow me, or I'll outgrow things like this." 

Jeonghan's voice lowered, a rare sharpness in it. He wasn't angry, but deeply certain. "I won't outgrow you. Not in this life, not in any. You're not something I could ever outgrow. You're the one constant I want. Even if everything else changes - the group, the stage, the world - you're the one thing I'll keep choosing. Over and over again." 

Joshua's eyes stung, his chest aching with both fear and relief. "You make it sound so easy." 

"It's not," Jeonghan admitted, pressing his forehead to Joshua's again. "It's terrifying. I think about the same things you do. About the time I'll miss, about the possibility of coming back to something different. But then, I remember who I'm doing this for. And that's you, Shua. Always you." 

Joshua let out a shaky laugh, tears prickling at the corners of his eyes. "You're too good at this, y'know. At saying exactly what I need to hear." 

Jeonghan smiled faintly, brushing a tear away with his thumb. "That's because I mean it. Every word. We'll face the future together, baby. One step at a time." 

Joshua finally exhaled, some of the tightness in his chest easing, though the fear still lingered. "Okay... together." 

"Together," Jeonghan echoed. 

The younger stayed quiet for a long moment, his fingers absentmindedly tracing Jeonghan's collarbone. "So... what does our future look like to you? Not just the stage... but us." 

Jeonghan tilted his head, pretending to think. "Hm... first? We survive this year. Then, we take a trip somewhere, just the two of us. Paris, maybe? Or your hometown. I still owe your mum a proper visit." 

Joshua chuckled softly. "She'd cry if you showed up. Probably feed you until you can't move." 

"Perfect," Jeonghan said warmly, kissing the top of Joshua's head. "Then... maybe we get a place. Not just an apartment we crash in, but a real home. Somewhere that feels like ours. With way too many blankets and pillows, as well as your ridiculous number of mugs." 

Joshua smiled, eyes still glassy. "And your sneakers stacked in every corner." 

"Exactly," Jeonghan grinned. He shifted slightly, so he could look into Joshua's eyes again. "And after that... I don't know. Maybe we start talking about the big things. Marriage. Rings. A future with our names tied together, officially. Maybe kids." 

Joshua's breath hitched, his heart skipping. "Marriage and kids?" 

Jeonghan's voice softened, steady. "One day, if you'll have me. I don't want this to just be a moment, Shua. I want forever with you." 

Joshua's lips trembled into a small smile, the weight in his chest easing as his body relaxed against Jeonghan's warmth. "Forever sounds... nice." 

"Forever's the plan," Jeonghan whispered, brushing his thumb over Joshua's cheek until the younger's eyes began to flutter closed. 

Joshua let out a quiet, content sigh, his voice already hazy with sleep. "Promise me you won't change your mind." 

Jeonghan kissed his forehead, pulling the blanket tighter around them. "Never. You're stuck with me." 

A soft smile lingered on Joshua's lips as sleep finally claimed him, leaving Jeonghan awake in the quiet room, holding the most important piece of his future in his arms. 

Joshua lit up, practically bouncing as he lept into his boyfriend's arms, wrapping his legs around Jeonghan's waist, and his arms around Jeonghan's neck. "Hannie! How did I do today?" 

"You were so good today, my love," Jeonghan smiled, opening his arms to hug his sweaty boyfriend when they met backstage.

The other members cooed loudly at their cuteness, though they quickly tried to act busy and scatter when Seungcheol waved them off with a glare, pulling Jihoon toward him.

"Of course I would," Jeonghan murmured, pulling Joshua closer. His voice softened just for him. "I have to keep my promise, don't I?"

Joshua's arms tightened around his neck. "You're the best," he whispered, pressing his forehead to Jeonghan's. 

Jeonghan chuckled, brushing his thumb against Joshua's jaw. "And don't you forget it. You were incredible out there. I almost forgot to breathe watching you." 

Joshua blushed, hiding his face in Jeonghan's shoulder. "Stop it, Hannie. You're embarrassing me." 

"Good," Jeonghan teased, pressing a quick kiss to his temple. "That way, everybody knows you're mine." 

From across the room, Seungcheol groaned. "Gross... right after a concert? Seriously, Yoon Jeonghan? Get a room!" 

Joshua laughed, but Jeonghan only smirked. "This is my room," he shot back, refusing to let Joshua go. 

"Okay, okay, Hannie. Let me down. I'm sweaty," Joshua giggled, as the older one reluctantly set him back on his feet. 

"Like I give a shit," Jeonghan muttered, still holding onto his hand even after. "I came here for you, not to wait for you to shower." 

Joshua shook his head with a smile, reaching for a towel on the table. "You're ridiculous." 

"And you're gorgeous," Jeonghan shot back instantly, watching as Joshua dabbed at his damp hair and neck. He reached over and snatched the towel from him, starting to pat him dry himself. "There. Now you're not sweaty. Problem solved." 

Joshua's cheeks turned pink again, and he swatted lightly at Jeonghan's chest. "You're unbelievable." 

"But you love me for it," Jeonghan grinned, leaning down to brush his lips against Joshua's in the quickest kiss. 

From the corner, Mingyu groaned. "Please, Jeonghan hyung. Some of us are hungry and don't need extra sweetness before dinner." 

Joshua laughed, hiding his smile behind his hand, while Jeonghan just slipped an arm around his lover's waist, as smug as ever. "Don't be jealous, Mingyu. Go get yours. He's right there." 

The room burst out into laughter, and even Joshua couldn't stop himself from leaning into Jeonghan's side, his heart lighter than the exhaustion in his body. 

"Guys, let's take a group photo quickly, then we can go and wash up and eat!" Seungcheol announced. 

They followed after their leader, posing around the leather couch for photos with the fanmade banner from the NEW_ tour. Originally, it was just the 9 of them, without Jeonghan, Wonwoo, Soonyoung and Jihoon, but they were quickly called over to sit on the couch for more photos. 

"C'mere," Jeonghan whispered as he slid in the seat next to Joshua, the younger one moving to sit on the armrest to make space for everyone, before wrapping his arms around Jeonghan's shoulders and posing with the banners again. 

They took a few more photos with other idols and their friends who came to watch their tour, before the boys finally decided to wash up.  

He placed a quick peck onto Jeonghan's lips, lingering just long enough for Jeonghan's ego. With a playful shake of his head, Joshua stepped past him and grabbed his change of clothes from the hanger in the nearby changing room, the soft rustle of fabric and jewellery echoing faintly in the backstage area over conversations from the members and their guests. 

Jeonghan's gaze followed Joshua, taking in the way his boyfriend moved. Light on his feet, still buzzing with the adrenaline from the show. "Don't take too long, Joshuji," Jeonghan called, a teasing edge in his voice, but he didn't move from where he stood. 

Joshua glanced back over his shoulder, giving him a quick yet mischievous grin. "Can't help it if I want to feel clean after a show."

Jeonghan only chuckled, watching Joshua disappear to the bathrooms, sitting around and chatting with the others who hadn't gone to shower. 

In the shower, Joshua's minds filled of imaginations of how tours will be like once Jeonghan was back from the military next year. 

Jeonghan wouldn't have to watch from the stands anymore - he would be performing with his boyfriend. Joshua's eyes teared slightly thinking about it, how the last time they'd performed together was during Lollapalooza in Berlin just shy of one year ago. They'd performed Rock With You, one of his favourite songs, even if it wasn't obvious. 

He had a part with Jeonghan during the second chorus, and he would give up anything (except his mother, the members, CARATs and God) to share the stage with Jeonghan again, to perform Rock With You with him again. During this concert, he shared that part with Vernon instead. He wasn't complaining - he loved Vernon - but it felt different in ways words couldn't explain. 

Jeonghan could finally perform To You again, and (maybe with some hope) perform Falling For U again, their unit song. He always wanted to write another song with Jeonghan, but time wasn't on their side, and Jeonghan had already left. 

After what felt like an eternity of pure shower thoughts, he turned off the water, getting dried and changed into his fresh clothes and walking back to the dressing room, where everyone was. 

He smiled at Jeonghan, who was talking to Jihoon, before packing his things into his bag, placing his concert outfit back onto the hanger as directed by the stylists. Soon, they all finished their showers, before they got into their vans and to one of their family restaurants for a super late dinner. 

The table was piled with food and brought to life with the loud chatter. Although it was already nearing midnight, the members had specifically requested Vernon's father's cooking. It was delicious, and nothing was better than home cooked food. 

"Appa- let me help!" Vernon protested, standing up to help his father carry the rest of the food onto the table, but was quickly swatted away. 

"You've done enough tonight. Sit down and just eat," his father shook his head. 

Joshua was sat next to Jeonghan and Minghao, Jeonghan in conversation with Seungcheol while Joshua talked to Minghao, who was mostly just teasing him. 

"So, tell me," Minghao leaned in conspiratorially. "How does it feel to have Jeonghan hyung sitting right there, staring at you all the time?" 

Joshua rolled his eyes. "Honestly? Exhausting. I can't seem to focus on anything else." 

Minghao snorted, clearly not believing him. "Sure, sure. I've seen the way you look at him when he's not paying attention. It's dangerous, Shua hyung." 

Joshua groaned softly, burying his face in his hands. "Stop it... you're ridiculous." 

Jeonghan, catching the tail end of the conversation, raised an eyebrow and smirked knowingly. "Dangerous, huh? That's a first." 

He reached over subtly, letting his fingers brush against Joshua's under the table. The small contact sent a jolt through Joshua, and he bit back a squeak. 

"You two are impossible," Joshua muttered, though the smile tugging at his lips betrayed him. 

"Impossible? Maybe. But yours? Always," Jeonghan whispered, leaning closer so only Joshua could hear. The warmth of his breath against Joshua's ear made him shiver just a little. 

Next to Joshua, Minghao whistled low. "Oh, this is getting good." 

Joshua nudged Jeonghan playfully, though his hand didn't let go. "Stop showing off, Hannie." 

Jeonghan's smirk deepened. "I'm not showing off, baby. I'm simply... reminding you where you belong." 

Joshua's heart skipped a beat, and he leaned a little closer, resting his head briefly against Jeonghan's shoulder. The comforting weight grounded him, even as the teasing from Minghao and the others continued. 

A whole year later was the day Jeonghan was discharged. It was supposed to feel lighter. For him, it did. His chest was no longer weighed down by rigid 9-5 schedules, social work (although he'd admit that he liked it), and what felt like never-ending paperwork. He was free, finally free, ready to return to a life he'd only been able to watch from the sidelines since 2024. 

But for Joshua, the day began with fire. 

"Joshua!" Youngjoon's, their choreographer, voice cracked like a whip across the practice room. The music screeched to a halt, the silence heavier than the pounding bass that had filled it seconds earlier. 

Joshua froze in his spot, sweat dropping down his temples. His chest heaved from the last run-through, but it wasn't enough to excuse the mistake. His foot had been half a beat off, his arm lagging, his eyes unfocused. You'd think that 12 years of experience made it easier, but in all honesty, everyone expected you to be perfect. 

"What's this?" Youngjoon barked, striding toward him. "You're sloppy. Do you even know the routine anymore? Everyone else is giving one hundred percent, but you-" he jabbed a finger in Joshua's direction. "you look like you're only half here." 

Joshua's throat tightened. "I- I'll fix it. I just need-" 

"No excuses," Youngjoon snapped, cutting him off. "I know Jeonghan is coming back today, but it doesn't give you a reason to be slacking like this. Fix it now, or don't bother showing up again." 

The words cut sharper than they should have, but there was no time to flinch, Joshua bowed his head quickly, muttering an apology, his bangs sticking to his damp forehead. 

From the corner, Seungcheol finally stepped in, his leader's voice steady but no less stern. "Shua, you were late this morning too. That's not like you." 

Joshua's head shot up, guilt flashing across his face. "I'm sorry, Cheol. I overslept-" 

"That's not good enough," Seungcheol's tone softened for just a fraction of a second before hardening again. "We're professionals. Oversleeping isn't an option when the rest of the team is counting on you." 

Joshua bit his tongue, swallowing back the truth. He'd overslept because his head had been pounding since the night before, that his stomach still twisted uncomfortably, that his body had begged him not to get out of bed. He'd ignored it. He always did. But now, it looked like weakness, and weakness wasn't allowed here. 

He bowed again, his voice barely audible. "I'll do better. I promise." 

"Then prove it," Youngjoon snapped, clapping his hands to restart the music. 

The bass kicked in again, rattling the mirrors and the floor beneath them, but Joshua felt as if he was dancing underwater, every move dragged heavier than it should've, his muscles sluggish, his thoughts fogged. 

He knew the others could feel it too. Seungcheol's sharp glances confirmed it, Minghao's furrowed brow screamed it, and even Chan's worried sidelong look burned into him, but no one spoke. 

And that silence fed his spiral. 

He couldn't afford to be sloppy - not when Jeonghan was finally back today. Not when Jeonghan would be performing again, expecting him to shine. The thought twisted cruelly in his chest. He wanted to look strong, impressive, steady in his boyfriend's eyes, not like someone who was buckled under pressure. 

But the truth was, his body felt like it was buckling already. His lungs burned, his skin clammy under the studio lights. Each mistake felt magnified, every "you're off" ringing in his head louder than the music. 

By the time Youngjoon finally called for a break, Joshua was drenched, trembling and half-wishing he could vanish. 

That evening, Jeonghan unlocked the apartment door with a familiar click. The weight of his bag slid from his shoulder onto the entryway bench, the sound echoing through an empty space as he dropped all the gifts from his colleagues onto the same bench. 

"Baby, I'm home!" Jeonghan called out.

He frowned. 

Normally by this hour, Joshua would be home - shoes kicked off neatly, phone buzzing on the coffee table, maybe humming distractedly in the kitchen while preparing something small to eat or reading a book in the living room. But the apartment was quiet. 

Jeonghan checked the clock. Past ten. He grabbed a glass of water, sat at the dining table, and waited a few minutes, listening for footsteps in the hallway. Nothing. 

With a sigh, he reached for his phone and dialled Joshua. It rang. And rang. and rang. No answer. 

A crease formed between Jeonghan's brows. Joshua never ignored his calls. 

The next number he dialled was Seungcheol's. 

"Hannie?" Seungcheol's voice came through, rough with fatigue. 

"Where's Shua?" Jeonghan asked, his tone tighter than he intended. 

There was a pause, then a sigh. "He's probably still at the practice room." 

"At this hour?" Jeonghan's voice sharpened. "After the day he's had?" 

"I know," Seungcheol muttered, his voice weighed with guilt. "He... wasn't himself today. Sloppy. Late. I had to get on him, and so did Youngjoon hyung. He's been pushing himself harder than he should." 

Jeonghan's jaw tightened, anger flaring. He could picture Joshua, stubborn and fragile, refusing to stop even when his body begged him to. And he could picture that same body crumpling if no one was there to catch him. 

He didn't wait for Seungcheol to say anything else. He ended the call with a sharp tap, shoved his phon einto his pocket and grabbed his jacket. His boots echoed heavy against the marble floor of the hallway as he locked up and strolled out, every step sharper than the last. 

The night air hit him cold, but it didn't cool the fire brewing in his chest. Joshua should've been home hours ago. He should've been resting, curled up on the couch or buried under blankets where Jeonghan could keep an eye on him. 

Instead he was still in that damned practice room, pushing himself until he broke. 

"Hong Jisoo..." Jeonghan mutrered under his breath, anger and worry tangling in equal measure. His grip tightened on the steering wheel as he sdtartef the car, eyes hard, jaw clenched. 

He wasn't going to let Joshua destroy himself - not tonight, not ever. 

And with that, he drove into the city, heading straight for the HYBE building. 

Jeonghan skidded into the parking lot in the building, his heart hammering in his chest. The night was quiet, too quiet, and his mind rced with every possible scenario. He didn't wait for the door to open - he practically burst in, scanning the room. 

Joshua was there, sprawled on the floor in the corner, limbs splayed awkwardly, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. Sweat clung to his damp hair and drenched shirt. One arm was tucked under his head for support, the other lazily draped over his knee.

"Baby…" Jeonghan’s voice was low, tight with anger and worry. Joshua's head lifted just slightly at the sound, blinking blearily up at him.

"H-Hannie…" he croaked, voice strained. "I'm fine…"

"Fine?" Jeonghan repeated, striding over and crouching beside him, grabbing both of Joshua's shoulders. "You look like shit. You've been pushing yourself too hard! Do you even realise what time it is?"

Joshua swallowed, looking down at the floor, cheeks flushed from exertion and embarrassment. "I… I just wanted to… get it perfect…"

Jeonghan’s jaw tightened. "Get it perfect? By passing out on the floor? That's not being perfect, Shua. That's reckless!"

Joshua’s hands fumbled, tugging at his hair. "I- I know, I know… I just… I didn't want you to see me like this. I wanted to be good for you, Hannie… now that you're back."

Jeonghan's expression softened, but only slightly, his thumb brushing a strand of damp hair off Joshua’s forehead. "You think being exhausted and overworked is what I want to see? You think this is how I want you to prove anything?"

Joshua shook his head weakly. "No… but I didn't know how else…"

Jeonghan cupped his face, forcing Joshua to meet his eyes. "Listen to me, Joshuji. You don’t have to overwork yourself. You don't have to be perfect for me. You just have to be you. That’s enough."

Joshua’s lips trembled, but he managed a small, tired smile. "I just… I missed you. And I didn’t want you to see me slack."

"I missed you too," Jeonghan murmured, his voice softening completely. "But that doesn’t mean I'll let you destroy yourself to prove a point. You hear me? Now get up. I'm taking you home."

Joshua let out a shaky laugh, finally allowing Jeonghan to help him to his feet. His legs wobbled, but Jeonghan's firm grip kept him steady. And as they walked out together, Jeonghan's presence was like a tether, keeping him from falling further into exhaustion and fear.

By the time they arrived at their apartment, Joshua could barely keep his feet under him. Jeonghan had practically carried him from the car into the hallway, fumbling with the keys as he tried to get them in as fast as possible. Once inside, he eased Joshua onto the couch, pulling a soft blanket over him and brushing damp strands of hair from his forehead.

Joshua's eyelids drooped, but he shook his head stubbornly. "I'm… okay," he mumbled, his voice rough from shouting and exhaustion. "I just… want to… talk."

Jeonghan sank onto the couch beside him, letting Joshua lean against his chest. "Talk, then. But you're not moving from here, and I mean it. No more practice for tonight."

Joshua's hand lazily found Jeonghan's arm, gripping it like a lifeline. "I… I just want to know… how was your day? Did… did you eat properly today? Are you… tired? Did… anyone bother you on your last day?"

Jeonghan blinked, taken aback. All evening, all Joshua could think about in the practice room and during the car ride wasn't his own exhaustion or fears, it was Jeonghan. He could feel the weight of longing and worry pressing through Joshua's weak frame, and it made his chest ache.

"Shua…" Jeonghan murmured, brushing his thumb along Joshua's knuckles. "All you've been asking about is me."

Joshua let out a small, tired laugh, closing his eyes briefly before opening them to look at Jeonghan. "I… missed you these few days. So much, Hannie. I… I thought about you every second. I just… I wanted to know you were okay. That you’re really home. That nothing… nothing's wrong with you."

Jeonghan's chest tightened, a mix of relief and emotion flooding him. He leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to Joshua’s temple. "I'm home. I'm fine. And… you've been thinking of me this whole time?"

Joshua nodded, a sleepy smile tugging at his lips. "Every second. Even when I messed up today… I kept imagining you watching me, cheering me on… or scolding me… I just… I needed to know that you're back, really back."

Jeonghan cupped Joshua's face, gently tilting it toward him. "I'm back, Shua. I'll always be back. And I'm never leaving you alone in moments like this again."

Joshua's eyelids finally fluttered closed, his body too exhausted to keep holding on. "Promise me…" he murmured, half-asleep.

"I promise," Jeonghan whispered, wrapping him tighter in the blanket. He pressed a kiss to Joshua's hair, letting him rest at last, and stayed awake for a while, feeling the weight of how much Joshua had missed him - and how much love was wrapped up in that simple, exhausted longing.

The apartment was quiet except for Joshua's shallow, even breaths, and Jeonghan finally let himself relax, knowing his partner was safe, if still fragile from the day. 

The next morning, the sun barely crested the city skyline when Jeonghan stepped into the practice studio, Joshua leaning heavily against him. His hair was still slightly damp from a rushed shower, his expression a careful mask over the worry and anger simmering underneath.

The room quieted the moment they entered, and then the members' faces lit up. Seungkwan's eyes widened first. 

"Jeonghannie hyung!" he exclaimed, rushing over with a wide grin. "You're back!" 

Joshua tried to smile and give them space, wobbling slightly, but Jeonghan steadied him with an arm around his waist. The other members followed quickly, some clapping, some letting out whistles, all expressing relief and excitement at seeing him return. Only the enlisted members - Wonwoo, Jihoon, Soonyoung, Seokmin, and Mingyu - were absent, their places marked by empty chairs and missing energy.

"Finally," Vernon said softly, a grin tugging at his lips. "We were starting to think you'd loved social work too much to come back." 

Joshua's tired eyes flicked to Jeonghan, who gave him a small nod and a reassuring squeeze. "I'm here," he murmured, voice low enough that only Joshua could hear. 

Minghao lingered, squinting at Jeonghan. "Hyung... you look... mad. Are you okay?" 

Jeonghan's jaw tightened imperceptibly. "I'm focused," he said flatly, not meeting anyone's eyes but Joshua's.

The rest of the group quickly busied themselves with stretching and preparing for practice, but Jeonghan's presence cast a quiet tension in the room. Joshua, though exhausted, could sense it too, the way Jeonghan's gaze sharpened and the subtle lines of frustration on his face.

Minutes passed. Music started. Movements flowed. But Jeonghan's attention remained fixed, scanning Joshua's every step and the rest of the group's execution. Something was off, and Joshua could feel it simmering just below the surface.

Finally, Jeonghan's patience snapped. He stepped forward, his voice low but carrying across the room. "Seungcheol."

All heads turned. Seungcheol froze mid-step, immediately alert. "Hannie?"

Jeonghan's eyes were sharp, unflinching. "We need to talk. Now."

Seungcheol's expression flickered between confusion and apprehension, sensing the storm in Jeonghan’s voice. The room's chatter faded into silence, the music stopping abruptly, all eyes on the two men.

"Outside," Jeonghan said simply, pointing toward the hallway.

Seungcheol swallowed, nodding stiffly, and followed. Joshua watched from the side, his exhaustion momentarily forgotten as a knot formed in his chest, sensing just how serious Jeonghan had become.

The hallway outside the practice room was narrow, the echoes of the studio fading behind them. Jeonghan's sneakers hit the floor with deliberate force, every step a heartbeat of restrained fury. Seungcheol followed, wary but already on the defensive.

"Cheol," Jeonghan began, voice low, tight with controlled anger. "We need to talk about Joshua. Now."

Seungcheol stiffened. "I know, I—"

"Do you even realise what he did yesterday?" Jeonghan cut in, eyes blazing. "He stayed there alone, pushed himself until he could barely stand, and you weren't there!"

"I- I had to scold him! That’s my job!" Seungcheol snapped. "I wasn't there all day, but he needed direction, Jeonghan! You think I wanted him to slack off?!"

"You weren't there when he needed someone to tell him to rest!" Jeonghan countered, stepping closer. "You weren't there when he was exhausted, when he was sick, when he needed someone to make sure he didn't hurt himself!"

Seungcheol’s expression darkened. "Don't act like I don’t know how to handle this! Look at Hoonie- he works himself until the next morning all the time, producing music. Nobody tells him to stop. Nobody scolds him. Joshua's just as capable. He just didn’t pace himself properly."

Jeonghan's eyes narrowed. "Joshua isn’t Jihoon. They're both human, Cheol. And I agree that it's bad enough that Hoonie stays late nights too, but this is physical work we're talking. And you weren't there when he stayed late, alone, pushing himself, trying not to let anyone see how worn out he was. Not you, not me. No one!"

Seungcheol opened his mouth, closed it, trying to justify himself. "I- he was being stubborn, I thought I could push him to be better-"

Jeonghan cut him off, voice low but icy. "Pushing him isn't the same as caring for him. You didn't protect him. You weren't there to make sure he didn't collapse on that floor. And that's exactly why I’m angry. You weren't there. And I will be. I don't care how stubborn he is, Cheol. He's not doing this alone anymore."

Seungcheol's defenses faltered, but he straightened his back. "I get it. I messed up. I should've been there. I didn’t know he was-"

"Exactly," Jeonghan said, voice sharp but controlled, simmering with tension. “You didn't know. And that’s why I'm back. To make sure it never happens again. Not to him. Not ever."

Seungcheol swallowed, nodding slowly, fully absorbing the weight in Jeonghan's tone. "Okay… okay, I understand. I'll-"

Jeonghan finally exhaled, running a hand through his damp hair. "Good. Remember that. Because Joshua… he's too important to risk like this."

By late afternoon, the practice session had transformed into something a little lighter. The group was filming clips for social media and Inside Seventeen, short videos of their choreography, playful interactions, small interviews if they wanted to, and candid moments between dances. Laughter bounced off the studio walls, and Joshua tried to keep up, but his exhaustion from the morning lingered in every movement.

Jeonghan stayed nearby, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, eyes always flicking toward Joshua. Every skipped beat, every wobble of his knees, made Jeonghan's chest tighten. He could see it all, the fatigue, the strain, but Joshua didn't complain. He never did.

Finally, midway through a routine, Joshua stumbled slightly during a turn. He rubbed at his eyes, blinking, and then slumped onto the couch in the corner, arms and legs sprawling like a ragdoll.

"Shuji…" Jeonghan murmured, kneeling beside him and draping a light jacket over his shoulders. Joshua's eyelids fluttered, and within moments, he was asleep, head resting against the back of the couch, breathing even and slow.

Minghao noticed first, leaning over the camera to block it's view of Joshua. "Hannie hyung… he's out cold.”

Jeonghan simply nodded, a small, fond smile tugging at his lips. "Yeah. He needed it."

The filming continued around him, the members moving carefully so as not to disturb Joshua. Vernon passed Jeonghan quietly, giving him a knowing look, while Minghao whispered jokes to the camera that had to be paused each time Joshua shifted in his sleep, since the younger would go to Joshua's side and make sure he was okay.

Jeonghan stayed where he was, one hand resting lightly on Joshua's arm, the other on his knee. His heart felt full, seeing him finally at peace, if only for a few hours. The day had been long, stressful, and exhausting, but in this quiet moment, Jeonghan felt a rare calm.

When the camera finally stopped rolling, the rest of the members tiptoed around, quietly cleaning up and prepping for the evening. Joshua didn't stir, and Jeonghan let him sleep, brushing a gentle kiss against his temple.

“Tomorrow,” Jeonghan whispered softly, “we’ll take it slow. Together.”

And for the first time that day, Joshua rested completely, safe in the knowledge that Jeonghan was there - and not going anywhere. Not for a long time.