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Realizations (Had I Been Quicker)

Summary:

“Ill see you at heaven’s gate; cause it’s too little, way too late.” (Laufey, Too Little, Too Late).

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“I’m sorry Irratino,” I would say, “I don’t feel the same way.” I wanted to finish with ‘not yet, at least,’ but I bit my tongue. I would rather not give him hope. 

“Ah, it’s alright,” he would respond, trying his hardest not to look hurt by my response. “I understand. Maybe the cards were wrong.

I didn’t respond. At first I thought he was foolish in confessing his love to me of all people, but basing my response on his tarot of all things was another level of stupid. I put a hand on his shoulder, gripping it tightly. My eyes locked on his. “You are a good friend, Irratino. Don’t ruin that.”

He nodded. “Forget I said anything then.”

But it was hard to forget something he did so often. It was hard not to distance myself from him. 

Every few months, Irratino would invite me on a dinner date. Not unusual for us; we do it every Sunday. However, these dinners would be far more expensive than our usual ones. He would buy this expensive wine, then at the end of them, he would tell me he loves me. 

And every god damn time, I would tell him no.

That was until he stopped altogether. Months went by without confessions, followed by an entire year. I didn’t want to ask him why; I would look like I actually did like him back. I didn’t, right? Still, the longer he went without confessing, the more I felt I had missed it. His obviously fake laughs at my jokes, his flashy smiles, the way he’s always so kind to the waiters… It was all so charming. So romantic. 

Maybe I did like him back. 

I started planning. The flowers I would buy, the places we would go to, what I would say. All of it was meticulously planned to make sure I did this right. I didn’t want to let him down again. I couldn’t. 


The flower shop wasn’t busy today; lower chance of someone murdering somebody. “Good Morning, Logico!” Herbalist Onyx called out from behind the register. He silently waved back. “Are you looking for anything in particular?”

“Ah, I was looking for your finest roses, actually.”

Onyx nodded. “The ones in the front row were actually recently grown by Irratino. He’s been helping me out while I find some employees.”

I had to do a double take. No, that couldn’t be right. “Really?” I asked, bewilderment clear in my way of tone. 

She nodded in response, seeming rather excited. “Yes, really. It’s a sort of exchange; I work for him at the institute, he works for me here. I think it’s only fair.”

It still wasn’t sitting right with me. None of this was. I felt a disturbance, as if something was happening that shouldn’t be. 

Then I saw it.

“You’re… married?” I cautiously asked, pointing to the ring on Onyx’s finger.

Her face lit up at the mention of the ring. “Engaged, actually! My doing of course.”

The ring was a nice gold colour. If I was close enough I probably would’ve been able to spot my reflection. It was engraved in the shape of multiple vines, all coming together to support the gemstone in the center; a deep red garnet. “I got them custom made so we could each wear one another’s birthstones, because as you know, Irratino is a sucker for them.”

I would be lying if I said my heart sank. No, it didn’t ‘sink’; it was stabbed. Ripped out of my chest and bitten into, splattering blood across my face as if to mock me for not being fast enough. It’ll never beat ever again. 

“Irratino never told me you two got…engaged.” The last word left my mouth like vomit; disgusting.

“Well, Irratino isn’t the confrontational type I find; especially when it comes to romance…wonder why that is.” Her gaze locked onto mine. Slowly, guilt slithered its way up my legs, forcing me into place. I need to leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Lea–

“Ah, my two favourite people!” Irratino peeked his head out from the back room, saving me from myself. He embraced Onyx, then jogged around the counter and did the same to me. 

He was so warm. 

“So, Logico. What brings you here?” he asks, charming smile and all.

“I was just leaving, actually. I couldn’t find what I was looking for.”

“Oh,” he frowned. “If you want I could always grow you something free of charge. Call it a friend discoun–”

“I should be going.”

“I see. Will I at least see you at my wedding? It's next Thursday at 12:12pm.” He hands me an envelope with my name on it.

“If I’m not busy. I’ll see you around.” I left before he could say anything else. 

On the way back to my apartment, I trashed the invite into the dumpster on the side of the building. It was stupid of him to think I would go. 

Stupid of me to ever like him back.