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Two Time was someone whose love was always shrouded with worship.
More accurately, the lines between the two were blurry for them, interwoven and sewn together.
They seemed to follow you like a shadow often, looming close enough for your footsteps to be in sync, feeling them brush against your form slightly. And when you turned around to look, there they were, peering down at you with their wide eyes and cheshire-esque grin. Two Time enjoyed trailing behind you like a duckling, interested in everything you did.
When you read, they liked to hang behind your shoulder, eyes scanning the pages quietly as well. Two Time did not always manage to read every page clearly, as you both had different reading speeds. But they enjoyed the proximity, the intimacy of having read the same book. Often, you would catch them picking the same book up again, fingers mimicking the same way you held the book as they would reread it again.
They accompanied you as you ate, interested in your food and forgetting theirs sometimes. It wasn’t because they particularly enjoyed eating; quite the opposite. Two Time often had trouble remembering to eat, and when they did it wasn’t usually very much, or anything remotely substantial. A handful of anything they could find, a few bites of whatever was cooked by Elliot for the day. But when you offer them a mouthful of your dinner off your fork, they eat with gusto, as if they have never tasted anything better.
Two Time sat beside you as they helped fold your laundry, insisting they help with the menial task. While you settled into a comfortable silence, your attention turned from the clothes to their ungloved hands.
You reached forward to gently pull their hand away from the corner of a shirt.
Their skin was dry in patches, peeling in other areas. Small, whitish scratch like scars seemed to stretch across the back of their hand. Their gloves thankfully helped to prevent their palms from chafing or getting too roughed up after holding their dagger for a while. But when you ran a finger over their thenar, you noted how tiny moon shaped marks seemed to be embedded in them. Under the light they seemed to appear clearer, but if you didn't squint, you might have missed it.
Two Time watched as you analysed their hands, noting how you touched and observed with the scrutiny of a scientist.
“Have you found something most interesting on my hand?”
You moved onto their nails, noting the choppy and uneven jagged shape. “Not yet.” Reaching over, you grabbed a nail file off your bedstand, you began to gently round the sharp points out. They watched as you worked, noting how you gently blew off any dust that accumulated on their fingertips.
In this moment, Two Time was glad their nails were particularly jagged. Personally they paid no mind to the state of their hands at all, much less their nails. But they knew you liked to do small things to help take care of them, which they likened to how a responsible owner kept their pet well groomed.
In these times, they'd keep completely silent and still, allowing you to simply do as you please. They wanted to just be able to drink up all the affection you were willing to give, the sheer actions simply making them giddy.
These affections were tidbits they eagerly savoured, wanting to be lost in each and every one you so graciously bestowed upon them. Like a beggar, they'd never ask for more than you'd be willing to give. But how they dream of it. Their heart yearned desperately for it.
When you were done, you rubbed the edge of their now blunt nails with satisfaction. “There you go. You won't risk accidentally scratching yourself now.”
The believer could care less whether or not their nails could cut through flesh, but they'd willingly let themselves be declawed if it meant that you would do it for them. They'd surrender their talons, if they could feel your warmth enveloping their hands as you plucked their nails out one by one.
You knew this too.
And truthfully, you didn't mind their company, despite their parasitic clinginess. It was a little off-putting at times. Frightening, even.
The way they hovered about closely, how they would go anywhere so long as the ghost of your presence once graced it. The way anything your touch kissed would be deemed a treasure by them. Again, Two Time is someone who finds it hard to differentiate love and worship.
What different is loving a god and your true love, if they both are everything to you?
It worries you, sometimes. To see how willing they were to put themselves in harm's way just to protect you. Even in the matches, though you know all injuries are temporary. It doesn't negate the pain, nullify the fear, or blur out the sight of death.
If coming back safe and sound means seeing Two Time's corpse and watching the skin of their back break countless times as their wings sprout, sometimes you wish you could take their place instead.
“It is my duty as a sentinel. It is for the sake of the whole team.” They would say, as the both of you sit by the lakeside late at night.
And there is truth in that sentence, but you also know that as long as you were in a match with them, you never die. Somehow, they always manage to save you. Hits are missed, and their blood spills. Like a sunflower that always finds it's way to the sun, it's almost uncanny how they manage to protect you.
Though they linger closely, there always seems to be a thin barrier in between you both. Like an invisible border they can't cross. They hover, but never touch. Just enough for their fingertips to taste the same air your hand does, but never holding it.
There is almost an air of proudness that surrounds the fragile cultist at the end of each round, for every bone broken and drop of blood they shed in your place. Even as you pass their body in games as the last man standing, a pleased grin still seems to grace their lips even in death. As if they have served their purpose, now dying honourably for your safety.
It is only when they subject themselves to such pain do they feel they can even stand by your side, though you do not share this sentiment. Despite your insistence that they should not have to go through such lengths and you’d rather not see them so hurt, you still hardly ever sustain more than a few scrapes or bruises in games.
Two Time does not understand why you can’t fathom that you should simply allow them to do this for you. They chalked it up to your kindness, unwilling to bear to see anyone hurt in your stead. Yet another testament to your greatness and all the more fuelling their need to prove their worthiness to remain beside you, to withstand pain of greater heights so they may justify being graced with your presence.
Pleasure should be traded for its weight in pain, is that not how it works ?
They pondered this as you laid in bed one dark night, stiff as a corpse. The only indicator you weren't asleep was the rapid rise and fall of your chest. Two Time watched quietly from the side of your mattress, sitting precariously on the edge.
Your head was turned the other way, but they knew your lips were pressed together the way it did when you were nervous. Your jaw was tense, and your fingers curled tightly into your palm.
They didn't know what you were thinking about. But they knew it was a hurricane blowing through the confines of your mind. Two Time itched to reach out, to hold you close and chase your pain away.
Yet, they could not will themselves too. Who was a maggot like them to touch the sun, dimming their light and warmth?
“Rest with me.” Your voice broke though the silence, still not looking at them. The believer looked up at your taut form, swallowing as their throat ran dry.
Two Time hesitated. There was nothing more than they wanted to curl up by you, to rest within the curve of your body and to breathe with you as you both slumbered.
But did they deserve to?
“Please.”
The piteous plea was all it took to loosen the ropes of uncertainty and inferiority that bound them.
Two Time clambered awkwardly under your covers, their cold soles brushing against yours. They gingerly settled down, being careful as to not squish you. All the while, their breath caught in their throat like a ball of cotton. It was then you finally turned around, gaze matching their hesitant dark eyes.
You reached out to grasp their hand, slowly unpeeling the bandages off their arm. They let out a sigh of relief as the cool air hit their skin, slightly dimpled from the texture of the bandages. You tossed the used cloth aside, shifting closer so you were comfortably flush against their rigid form. It seemed a little funny. For all the times they seemed to be glued to you, this was one of the first times you both made actual contact. And perhaps that was what scared them slightly, to sink fully underneath the water rather than to just dip your toes in.
Two Time’s heart was unable to sit still, watching as you removed their thick woolen scarf. The sensation of your fingers brushing against their neck seemed to send them into an internal frenzy. Nevertheless, they still held their breath, allowing you to cuddle closely.
Your breathing slowed down slightly. Yet, you were still uneasy. The day had worn you out, and things seemed to tug and pull at your mind and soul.
“Comfort me.” You pleaded faintly, and Two Time felt their nerves shake down to the edge of their nails.
Their pale hand rose shakily, laying flat over your chest where your heart lay. The erratic and rapid thrum of your heartbeat was like a bass drum through their skin.
Two Time leaned in closer, lips brushing by your ear.
“Go to sleep now. I will slow your breath and your heart. It's alright, dear one. You may rest.”
At the sound of their voice, they noticed your body tense up yet again before finally loosening up. Two Time began to stroke your back, lips lingering near your hairline.
“It’s alright, dearest. I am here now.” They soothed, feeling your breathing finally ease and slow down.
Your hands found its way to their arms, palms sliding across the raised lines on the skin there. Two Time noticeably sucked a breath in, and you paused immediately, worried you had hurt them.
“It’s alright.” They uttered with a slight quiver. At this, you resumed your actions, running your fingers along the lines with as much tenderness as you could.
It had been a long time since they had been touched with such care and compassion. Truthfully, they did not care much for the marks they bore, and as far as they could tell neither did the others. Everyone had grown accustomed to it, to the point that in most’s minds it seemed to register as just a natural part of them as anything else.
But your eyes always lingered on it. Eyes full of something Two Time could never fully understand. Not judgement, not disgust, nor fear. Now, as the skin of your fingertips trace their scars gently, they realize that it is nothing less of pure heartache reflected in your irises.
What sort of god would allow a mortal to sleep within the arc of their arms and feel the heat of their flowing blood beneath flesh?
A kind god, Two Time thinks at first. One most merciful, most humble, and most of all… understanding. Like Eros’s Psyche, they decided. So divine and great, yet with the heart and soul of a human.
“What are you thinking about?” Their deity asks, and they look back to see you peering curiously at them, though a little tired. Two Time’s hands had stilled against your back for a while now, pressed onto your shirt.
“About your divinity, dearest.” They answered honestly, preparing for you to blink in confusion as you always did, to shrug it off.
To their surprise, you simply laughed.
“What am I the god of, then? Or a deity, maybe?” You giggled, watching as their pale cheeks flushed slightly. Two Time had no idea, truthfully. They had never thought of you as a ruler of a specific domain, but of everything. They did not believe in the existence of multiple smaller gods, but rather of one all mighty ruler who oversaw everything that ever was.
“Everything.” They mumbled shyly.
You smiled warmly. “And you? What are you the god of then, if I’m already the god of everything?’
Two Time’s eyes widened, nearly cutting you off. “No, I am but a simple mortal. I am simply a humble servant. It is I who is your most loyal follower.” Because who else would sing your praises and seek your light?
Your smile straightened. “Then I’m a mortal too.”
Two Time stared in confusion, unable to understand why you would willingly allow your feet to grace the same mud they kneeled in to pray to you.
“Why would I want to be a big god and live forever while you just stay down there and grovel? It’s no good being immortal if I can’t see you for the rest of my days.” You murmured, gently swiping your thumb across their gaunt face. “It’d be the same for you too, wouldn’t it?”
How did that not cross their mind?
The thought of you sad and lonely in the sky tugged at their heartstrings. Knowing you valued their company so much that you’d like to spend your finite years with them changed their view of you in their eyes. No one else could love you the way they could, with love that was bigger than the expanse of the ocean, enough to fill every well and still overflow.
“Let’s either be gods together, or just two humans, okay?” The corners of your mouth picked up again, as your eyes slowly closed. The night had gone on long enough, and you were slowly succumbing to it.
Two Time silently nodded in agreement with the ghost of a smile. Who better than to spend eternity with, after all?
Now as skin touched skin, and you saw eye to eye, you fell asleep at last. Two Time pressed one last kiss to your forehead, before following suit. Night was about to end soon, and soon morning would come.
An aubade will not play, and you both would still be here together when the sun’s rays peeked through the shabby curtains that framed your window.
Not as a god and their most loved disciple, but simply as two souls in love.