Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“McGillis?”

“Yes, Gaelio?” McGillis answers, his eyes not leaving the book he had been reading. He sat at the desk in the library within the Baudwin estate with Gaelio.

“Isn't it about time we take a break? We've been studying for hours.” Gaelio says with a sigh, closing the book he had opened.

McGillis’s eyes remain on his book, skimming through the pages, “Hm, I suppose we could use a break. Though I do not think we've been studying for ‘hours’, Gaelio. It's only been an hour.”

“Still,” Gaelio replies with an eyeroll. “It’s felt like hours. You know that I haven't always been one for studying.”

“Of course,” McGillis smiles slightly, his eyes finally leaving his book. He looks over at Gaelio. “You have certainly made a great accomplishment with studying today. For a straight hour, in fact, Gaelio. I'll have to commend you on that fact.”

Gaelio rolls his eyes again. He pushes himself away from the table, the chair’s legs streaking across the floor. He stands up, stretching out his arms, “Oh, be quiet, McGillis. This isn't the only time I've been able to study for an hour straight.”

“Is that so?” McGillis asks with an amused brow. He carefully places a bookmark inside his book before closing it.

“I know so.”

A small chuckle follows after Gaelio’s reply, making him click his tongue in response. “And what's so funny, exactly?”

McGillis stands up from his chair. He steps to the side before pushing it in gently. He picks up his book, tucking it under his arm. “Oh, nothing. You never fail to amuse me, Gaelio.” McGillis shakes his head slightly, giving Gaelio a playful smirk before beginning to walk out of the library.

“What do you mean by— Hey, wait, McGillis! Where are you going?” Gaelio stammers, scrambling to get his own book and notes from the table before following McGillis.

The two make their way out into the hallway. On their way out of the Baudwin residence, they greeted any servants that had so happened to be around the library they had previously been in. McGillis, to Gaelio’s dismay, had adopted a rather quick stride. Even with Gaelio’s advantage in height, he still had found it rather difficult to keep up with McGillis.

When Gaelio had finally begun to match McGillis’ pace, they had already been outside. Not far off from the exit of his home, he saw that they were now in the courtyard. The two hadn’t said a word to each other since they left the library.

This had only served to confuse Gaelio— usually McGillis would let him know about any destination he ventured them off into. Sure, he would get awfully quiet at times, especially if they were simply walking around town, but still.

Taking a glance over at McGillis, Gaelio notices that his best friend’s face is practically the same as it had been earlier— That silly smirk of his still glued onto his face. He seemed very amused, Gaelio would note. But.. Also, concentrated? He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but there was another emotion present on his face.

Whatever it was, Gaelio had been unsure— though he felt that it was very familiar. And whether or not it was a good sign or not? He hadn't had the slightest clue.

“McGillis?” Gaelio finally brings himself to ask, once McGillis comes to a sudden stop. They were just now at the skirts of the town nearby, away from the Baudwin estate. McGillis doesn’t turn to Gaelio. He silently scans the area— his expression becomes even more unreadable. Gaelio begins to frown somewhat, knitting his brows. He assumes that McGillis hadn’t heard a word— Or even worse, had just ignored him.

McGillis stands still. And to Gaelio, he had seemed lost in thought. Although at first glance, one wouldn't have been able to tell. Given how well McGillis typically composed himself. However, this time, something seemed odd.

Gaelio continues to frown, confusion seeping more into his features. ‘What could he possibly be up to? It's been a while since I've seen him so…’

Promptly, McGillis turns to Gaelio. A small smile plastered across his face.

‘Happy…?’

“I know that you're a fan of tea, Gaelio. There was this spot that I happened to fi-”

Gaelio stares at McGillis, practically digging holes into his face.

McGillis gives Gaelio a confused look, “Something the matter? Is there a reason why you're staring at me like that?”

“Are you… Happy?” Gaelio couldn't help but ask.

A pause.

The once sharp, pointed eyes began to waver. Forming into something more… Soft.

McGillis opens his mouth slightly, though words cease to come out. And for a moment, Gaelio felt that he should've just kept his mouth shut. He shifts uncomfortably as he awaits his friend’s response.

And shockingly enough, the softened look in McGillis’s eyes hadn’t faltered. It was enough to make Gaelio’s breath catch in his throat. And for some reason, he hadn’t wanted to break away from McGillis’ gaze. All in despite the small swirl of nervousness deep inside his chest.

Finally, McGillis begins to speak, “Hmm. Is that what you think?”

“Well, yes. Well.. No, but—”

McGillis starts to laugh. And Gaelio truly starts to wonder if he's going to be a puzzled mess for the remainder of the day. Because now, McGillis had his arms crossed over his chest. His shoulders were even shaking a little. He now wore a full, incredibly rare smile.

Baffled, Gaelio lets out a frustrated groan, “What the hell, McGillis?! Why are you acting so weird? I didn't even say anything funny.”

McGillis continues laughing, shaking his head at his flustered best friend, “Oh, Gaelio, you’re such a naive soul, aren't you?”

Before Gaelio even has a chance to speak, McGillis is already walking away again. Any other traces of laughter merely left ringing inside his head.

‘The hell even was that..?’ Gaelio finds himself questioning, a pout forming on his lips. He follows McGillis again, another groan erupting from him.

He marches next to McGillis once they’re side by side, “Ugh! You're so confusing sometimes, I swear. And where exactly are you heading off to now? Something about a tea shop?” Gaelio questions as he raises his voice.

“Yes, a tea shop, Gaelio. Now calm down. There's nothing to be so worked up about. Remember, it's not good for your health. I wouldn't want the future head of the Baudwin house to fall ill years before he should.” McGillis responds, unfazed. The fact that he had bounced back so quickly after just laughing out loud like that had been beyond Gaelio.

“McGillis.” Gaelio says sharply.

“Hmm?” McGillis hums, not turning to look at him. He continues to walk along the sidewalk in the town, unbothered.

Gaelio stops walking. Noticing that there are no longer the sounds of footsteps beside him, McGillis stops after a few seconds. He turns his head, now facing Gaelio. “Is there something on your mind?”

Looking down at the ground, Gaelio’s thoughts begin to stir together. He hadn’t even known where to start. Everything just felt so confusing and just— jarring. Not knowing what to make of their previous interactions. On top of not knowing whether he was taking this all too seriously or not.

Even if this moment was but a sliver, it’s from that moment on— As they pursued their studies as college students— Where Gaelio knew there had been something going on inside of McGillis.

And deep down, he knew that something was shifting inside of him, too.

Chapter Text

McGillis walks towards the stairs leading to the courtyard. He had just finished having a conversation with Iznario and was heading back to meet up with Gaelio. Earlier, McGillis had told him to wait outside near Iznario’s quarters. But before Gaelio could even have a chance to respond, McGillis had already begun to walk off the moment they had set foot into the Fareed Estate.

As he walked, there was a stinging sensation in his left cheek. McGillis had also felt a slow, warm sensation dripping down his face from the same cheek. He didn’t pay it any mind as he walked down the stairs, his mind more focused on the simmering heat he had inside of his chest.

It only continued to grow the longer he had stayed within the Fareed Estate, close to Izanario. McGillis’ face warped into that of a small grimace, momentarily glaring at the ground.

“Hey, McGillis!” He hears Gaelio call, causing him to look up quickly, snapping him out of his trance.

McGillis spots Gaelio standing near the large water fountain placed in the middle of the courtyard. He had absentmindedly been twirling a finger around the curled lock of hair that hung at the left side of his face, while the other hand had been giving him a small wave.

He sees McGillis continue to strut towards him and gives him a warm smile, “How did the talk with your father go?”

“It went well. Nothing out of the ordinary.” McGillis responds, returning a small smile. He halts his steps, now standing in front of Gaelio.

The light hanging above them, near the water fountain, was now shining ambiently on McGillis. Upon closer inspection of his friend, Gaelio’s eyes narrow. And suddenly, he carefully brings a hand up to McGillis’ left cheek. This causes McGillis to flinch slightly, now furrowing his brows. Irritation seeps into his voice, “May I ask what you're doing, Gaelio?”

“You're bleeding,” Gaelio replies, his hand remaining on McGillis’ face. There’s a cut on his left cheek, no longer than an inch or two. A small streak of blood had already traveled down his face, near his jawbone.

Sharp, turquoise eyes glare into Gaelio, “And? It's only a simple scratch. It's nothing to concern yourself over.”

There's no response— Only a continued look of concern, unconvinced.

McGillis lets out an internal sigh. He couldn't help but wonder why his best friend had been concerned over such a small cut. It's not like he hadn't been injured before. The sheer number of times McGillis had accidents, ranging from minor to moderate, made this look pale in comparison. From all of the jousting lessons to even sparring matches over the years. Gaelio knew just how strong McGillis was, so why in the hell was he all of a sudden trying to baby him?

Logically, McGillis knew that Gaelio most likely figured out where his cut had come from. But even so, it’s not like McGillis couldn’t just outright tell him the truth about what had actually happened, either. And risk that foster father of his possibly dragging him down even more because of it? No— Such a thing hadn’t ever been an option.

The two had gotten into an argument— and the details of it? McGillis hadn't wanted to recall. He’d rather wipe the memory entirely. But despite that, all he could replay in his head right now was the fact that the cut could've been a lot worse if he hadn't moved his head to the side.

‘That damned animal…’ McGillis thought to himself, his expression turning into more of a scowl. He turned his attention elsewhere, unsure of how to deal with Gaelio's pestering. His eyes briefly trailed back towards the main house within the Fareed Estate, to where that bastard currently resided.

This hadn't exactly been the evening he had envisioned for himself. It had been a relatively “lax” day. Only studying and attending an orientation for Gjallarhorn.

Suddenly, Gaelio turned McGillis’ head towards him, leaning in a bit closer. McGillis felt his heart skip, his scowl softening— to his annoyance.

“Gaelio?” McGillis asks, his gaze now shifted towards him again.

A small, soft cloth is suddenly placed on McGillis’ cheek. This causes his eyes to widen slightly.

“You're always so reckless… Despite being as refined as you are.” Gaelio says, carefully wiping the blood from McGillis’ cheek. Once he's done, Gaelio folds the handkerchief, making sure that the blood is on the inside. He places it in one of his pockets afterward.

Momentarily, McGillis finds himself glaring at the handkerchief before Gaelio puts it away. Without any clear thought, he brings up a hand. He firmly grabs the same wrist that Gaelio had just previously held the handkerchief in.

Typically, McGillis absolutely loathed it when anyone had treated him as if he were fragile. He had also deeply loathed being looked down upon— And had even found himself hating it whenever people towered over him. Perhaps stemming from the depths of his childhood, the one he had so deliberately kept neatly tucked away from his dear friend. Gaelio had only been several inches taller than McGillis, something that used to be a lingering bother until lately. McGillis couldn’t help but lament the fact that his feelings of inadequacy faded while he was with him. Hadn’t those who towered over him been a threat? Why hadn’t it bothered him now? Weren’t his previous feelings real?

His grip only served to tighten on Gaelio’s wrist— Too deep into his mind to have noticed. McGillis’ scowl returned, his lips pressed together. His eyes glowered at his hand, various emotions thrashing violently within.

“McGillis-”

What were these feelings? Anger? Embarrassment? McGillis couldn’t figure out which. All he knew right now was that there was an intense wave of frustration radiating throughout his body. He still hadn't known if that small wave of emotions before this burst of intense feelings took over was even true, or even a precursor to something entirely different.

If it's what he thought it was, McGillis knew that he couldn't let himself give in to such trivial feelings. Not after everything. Not after how much he so desperately wanted to pursue his ambitions— To claim power, and to make Iznario eat his own dirt.

“M-McGillis! You're hurting me.” Gaelio yelps, turning his wrist against McGillis’ now harsh grasp.

Snapping out of his trance, McGillis quickly removes his hand from Gaelio. In response, Gaelio holds his now sore wrist with his other hand. This causes McGillis’ stomach to drop, his scowl shifting into something more of a frown. He glances back down towards the hand that previously hurt Gaelio, a short, but intense wave of resentment flooding through him.

“My apologies, I didn’t mean to hurt you,” McGillis says, trying to sound unbothered.

Gaelio stays quiet for a moment, his attention still on his sore wrist. He eventually turns his eyes to McGillis, a slight, but noticeable look of pain on his face.

“I'll be fine,” Gaelio says, shaking his head, his voice somewhat strained. “But are you alright? What was that all about?”

McGillis slowly lets out a breath he hadn’t known he had been holding. He looks to Gaelio again, guilt present in his voice, “I’m alright. I shouldn’t have let myself slip when you were only trying to be kind.”

‘Damnit.’

Gaelio raises a brow at him, “Are you sure?”

‘No, McGillis. You mustn't-’

“I'm not so sure myself,” McGillis answers, his gaze flickering away from Gaelio once more.

He begins to clench his fists, attempting to remain composed. McGillis continues to frown, and his eyes glance briefly at Gaelio’s wrist. McGillis soon finds himself succumbing more to his thoughts.

Why had he been so worried for Gaelio? Why did he have such trivial feelings?

McGillis continued to clench his fists, unable to understand the complicated feelings he had been feeling within.

‘What in the hell is wrong with me? If I am ever to go along with my plan— To overthrow Iznario, and to take my rightful place within Gjallarhorn, why am I so affected by such trivial—’

Suddenly, a pair of hands takes hold of his fists.

McGillis looks downward, his eyes widened. He feels his cheeks begin to become lightly flushed, to his embarrassment.

Gaelio looks back at McGillis, his grip gentle, yet firm. He smiles warmly, “While I still don’t exactly know what’s going on with you.. I want to let you know that things will be alright, McGillis,” He lets out a light chuckle, and in that moment, McGillis notices that Gaelio’s cheeks had also been dusted a light pink. “You can tell me anything, okay? Although I’m not sure if that makes the so-called ‘stone-cold McGillis’ feel any better.”

‘…Feelings.’

His eyes finally meet Gaelio's. And after all of this time— of being friends, and being as close as they were— McGillis hadn't realized just how vast Gaelio's eyes had been.

He practically felt lost inside of them— and because of that, he had to force himself to turn away. McGillis had also felt his feelings from earlier returning, cutting through the violent emotions he carried within. Without any clear thought, McGillis’s hands shifted, softly holding onto Gaelio’s hands. Gaelio jolts slightly at the sudden touch, “Uh.. M-McGillis?”

“Thank you, Gaelio. I appreciate your efforts in caring for me,” McGillis says, his eyes landing on both of their hands. “But I assure you that I am fine. I just had a small accident once I was done speaking with Iznario.”

Gaelio gives McGillis an unconvinced look, though it mostly falls flat due to the now deeper pink staining his cheeks. He frowns for a moment, though McGillis doesn’t notice. He had been too caught up with his feelings— practically cursing at himself for even indulging in such a vulnerable act.

‘So much for trying to keep those inconvenient feelings at bay..’ McGillis thinks to himself.

Eventually, McGillis looks up again, confused by his best friend’s silence. “Is everything alright?”

“Huh? Oh, no— I mean, yes everything is fine,” Gaelio splutters, quickly going back to a smile. “I just.. Am surprised by the fact that you’re…”

“Holding your hands? Ah, I can stop. I don’t quite understand what led me to do so.” McGillis lets go of Gaelio’s hands, though his eyes begin to widen.

“What are you-”

“I’m sorry in advance.”

Suddenly, Gaelio grabs ahold of McGillis’ wrist. McGillis is pulled closer towards Gaelio, and his heart is caught in his throat once he feels arms wrap around him. Gaelio stays silent, adding onto McGillis’ already buzzing mind.

McGillis couldn't help but remain still, despite his desperate desire to break away from Gaelio’s touch. His arms slowly made their way around Gaelio despite his mind’s protests. His head was screaming at him to stop— though his body just continued to move on its own. Even though McGillis wanted to break away, he firmly embraced Gaelio. He felt Gaelio gently place his head on McGillis’ shoulder, something that McGillis had thought would be the trigger for him to tear away completely.

His heart skips— And for the first time in a while, McGillis feels himself relax. McGillis knew that all of his feelings would later come to his detriment. He so badly wanted to get rid of them— to bury them away, to not allow himself to be held in Gaelio’s arms. But no matter how hard he had tried, his feelings always came back. And as the days passed, McGillis felt his ambitions begin to waver, which frustrated him to no end.

‘Maybe I can stay like this for just a bit longer, before we join Gjallarhorn. This doesn’t make any sense, but— So be it. ’

As he felt Gaelio hold him tighter, and the fresh, regal scent of that silly cologne he would always wear— McGillis couldn’t help but close his eyes. He hated that he couldn’t bring himself to break away, though, even through that, he oddly enough felt… Relief.