Chapter Text
Ray doesn’t understand what’s happening. They were having fun and suddenly Sand got all tense when Boeing showed up. And apparently, he hasn’t even told him he has a boyfriend. Why wouldn’t he tell him? Didn’t he say there was nothing to worry about?
He thought things were going well between them after they confessed their feelings. After he cleared things with Mew and started rehab and therapy. He knows Sand is still wary, worried about fully trusting him, and he doesn’t blame him. He fucked up, many times. But he’s really trying to be better, and Sand saw it, he has told him how proud he is many times. But now he thinks maybe it was all in his head, because there is no way things are good if he just sent him home to stay behind with his ex. Alone.
But he really is trying to be better, so he leaves them without much fuzz. Even though every bone in his body is dying to punch this asshole and show him that Sand is his. But is he? He doesn’t seem willing to push Boeing away. They’ve been sitting there, talking about their relationship, Boeing getting closer and Sand allowing him to, never rejecting his advances.
He follows them when they stand up and move to the door. He sees Boeing suggesting they go to Sand’s house to keep talking and Sand’s only objection being his roommate. Ray feels his heart break when he hears that. What does it matter that Nick is there if they are just talking? Does he want something else to happen?
He can’t take it anymore and he walks up to them. He can see Boeing’s stupid smirk on his face and has to fight every urge in his body telling him to punch him. He puts on an indifferent mask and suggests they go to his house to party. And of course that asshole immediately agrees.
The drive there he focuses on Boeing, both of them trying to one up each other, to prove who’s better. This continues even as they get in the pool, both trying to get Sand to get in with them. He can see Sand is tense, he has been from the moment Boeing appeared at the bar. Could he still feel something for this jerk?
He needs to know. That’s why he suggests they kiss. He needs to see with his own eyes that he doesn’t have anything to worry about. Because obviously Sand’s words aren’t enough at this point.
He feels his blood boil when they finally kiss, when he sees Sand kiss him back. Has to fight everything in him not to pull them apart. Is this how things end for them? But Sand said he loves him. So he kisses him, needing to know if he still has a chance. If there’s still any hope left for them.
He feels him relax against him, holding his face as they kiss, but when he pulls away he looks confused. And then he hears Boeing’s suggestion and he looks at Sand exasperated, but he doesn’t seem to care.
He kisses Boeing, harder than he intended, both of them unwilling to let the other take control. And that’s when he hears it. Over the splash of water. How could he not? He’s always aware of Sand.
“Stop,” a broken whisper.
He pulls away from Boeing and looks at Sand, who looks as broken as it sounded, tears running down his face. And Ray knows it’s his fault.
“Sand”
“I- I can be better. I’ll be better for you. Please, don’t do this”
“Hey, Sand. What are you talking about?” Ray asks softly.
Boeing is smirking, as if he knows why Sand is acting like this.
“So dramatic,” Boeing says rolling his eyes.
Sand is trembling now, and Ray holds him close, trying to reassure him.
“It’s okay, Sand. Talk to me,” he tries to reassure him.
“I’ll be good. Please, Ray, don’t do this. I can’t- Please, not again. I don’t- Did I do something? Tell me how I can fix this. Please, I don’t want to lose you. Please, don’t leave me. Please, please, please”
“Hey, hey, Sand. Breathe. It’s okay. I’m here. You did nothing wrong,” Rays says as he tries to calm him down, worried about his reaction.
Sand lets out a devastating sob and he clutches on to Ray, who holds him tight in his arms, running his hands up and down his back in a comforting way. After a few minutes, Sand’s breathing seems to be returning to normal and his trembling stops almost completely.
“Sand-” Ray says with a soft voice only to be interrupted by Boeing.
“I have to admit, Sand, I thought you would’ve grown out of these dramatics of yours. I’m really disappointed”
Sand closes his eyes as he flinches and more tears fall down his face and Ray only sees red.
“I came here willing to give you that second chance you begged me so sweetly for, but I can see that there’s no point, is there? You’ll always be this pathetic, weak, needy burden that no one wants to deal with. So annoying to have around. How could anyone want y-”
Ray can’t hold it in any longer and he punches Boeing in the face, making Sand jump back in shock while Boeing holds his nose with blood running down his arms.
“Get. Out.” he orders through clenched teeth, “If I ever see you anywhere near Sand again I will fucking end you”
“Am I supposed to be afraid of you?” Boeing laughs.
Ray turns around slowly to grab his drink and he hears Boeing continue to laugh, so he takes a deep breath and turns back around to smash the glass on the side of his face with all the strength he can gather, holding him by the throat with his other hand to keep him upright.
“I fucking dare you to test me. Go ahead. See where that leaves you,” he threatens.
Boeing turns to look at Sand and Ray can feel his eyes on him, but he needs to make sure Boeing won’t bother him again before he can fix things with Sand. Still, he needs to know he’s okay.
“Sand?” he asks without taking his eyes from Boeing.
“Ye- Yeah?”
“Why don’t you go wait for me inside. I’ll be with you in a minute. I just have to take out the trash,” he says softly.
He sees Sand hesitate for a second before making his way out of the pool, grabbing a towel before entering the living room.
As soon as Sand is out of sight he turns to Boeing and tightens the hand on his throat.
“If you ever dare to come closer to Sand you will regret it. I don’t care what happens to me, I will do anything and everything to protect Sand. So you better watch yourself”
Boeing gulps against the hand on his throat and grabs on to his wrist trying to break free.
“Did you understand? I’m letting you go easy, but next time I won’t be so kind”
Boeing nods slightly, still trying to break free from his hold.
“Good,” he says before pulling him out of the pool by the neck and pushing him to the entrance. He opens the door and kicks him in the ass, pushing him on the ground just outside his house. “Never thought it would feel so good to take out the trash”
He closes the door and immediately makes his way inside to check on Sand. He stops for a second at the door when he sees Sand with his head buried in his hands but still walks up to him, needing to check that he’s okay. Sand won’t look up, so he reaches with his fingers and lifts his chin up.
“Sand...” he starts as he wipes his tears with his hand “I’m so sorry. I- Why- I don’t- Are you okay?”
He doesn’t even know how to begin this conversation, but Sand nods and Ray kneels, grabbing his knees and lowering his head until his forehead touches them.
“I’m so sorry. I don’t... I’m not sure what just happened, but I know I hurt you. And I’m sorry. I just... I’m sorry my jealousy got the best of me,” he tries to explain.
“You were... You were jealous?” Sand asks as if he hasn’t made a fool of himself.
“Um... yeah? Wasn’t it obvious? I- I thought you were leaving me for him,” Ray admits looking down, “I should have waited and talked to you. But I... I wanted one last chance to feel you next to me, even if he had to be there too. I’m sorry I didn’t realize...”
He takes Sand’s hands in his and squeezes comfortingly.
“Sand... Did he... Has he ever... Did he ever... abuse you?” he asks him softly.
Sand tenses and tries to pull away, but Ray keeps holding on to him.
“No, of course not,” he denies in a panicked voice.
“I don’t only mean physically,” Ray pushes.
Sand shakes his head and Ray cups his face.
“Please, talk to me”
“I-”
“Please, help me understand. Tell me... Tell me I didn’t push you into your abusive ex’s arms,” he begs him with tears in his eyes. The thought that he pushed Sand into his abusive ex filling him with guilt. And Sand looks at him with a pained look, interlacing their fingers as he takes a deep breath.
“Ray... You didn’t know. I- I haven’t told anyone. We... We were together for three years,” he starts, tightening his hold on Ray’s hand. “It was good at first. We were happy. I was happy. But the last few months of our relationship he started to pull away. The distance growing between us. We would fight constantly and he... he would make remarks about me. Small comments at first about things I could do to make him happier, things I could change so he wouldn’t leave me, he slowly took control of my life, my expenses, my friendships, my time. By the time I realized I didn’t have much freedom I was in too deep and I believed that all of that meant he cared, that he was just trying to help me. It seemed like I couldn’t do anything right without him, and then I saw him with Top,” new tears gather in Sand’s eyes and he closes his eyes. “They were... I found them on my bed but again, he made me believe that it was my fault, that if I had been better, if I had tried harder, we would have been fine. He... He made me beg him to stay with me, I actually believed we would work things out, but when I woke up the next morning he was gone. And I didn’t hear from him until this week”
“Sand...” Ray whispers brokenly, his heart breaking at the thought of Sand suffering.
Sand whimpers quietly but he keeps his eyes closed.
“I thought I had gotten over it. Thought I had learned from the experience, but when I saw you kissing him... I found myself right back then, begging for another chance to be better,” Sand explains.
Ray remembers his desperate pleading for another chance and his heart breaks all over again. His tears had gotten free as soon as Sand started talking and it only got worse as he went on. He could never see Sand cry, and he knows he’s been the reason for his tears too many times. But this time must be the worst of them all.
“Sand,” he sobs, “I can’t believe... I didn’t think... I’m sorry. I’m such an asshole”
“You didn’t know,” Sand says with a sweet smile.
“But I should have noticed! I was so focused on him and his advances on you that I didn’t stop to think. I- I can’t believe I forced you to kiss him,” he cries, just now realizing how big he fucked up.
“You didn’t force me, I-” Sand tells him, finally opening his eyes.
“Yes, I did. You couldn’t stop it, stop him, and I should have seen it. I have no excuse. I’m sorry I keep hurting you, Sand. I know I don’t deserve it, don’t deserve you, but please, forgive me,” he begs.
“Ray, it’s my fault, I should’ve told you about what happened between us. And I admit I was confused about what your plan here was, but the way you defended me...” his voice breaks with emotion, “nobody... no one has ever stood up for me like that,” Sand admits, his voice cracking at the end.
“The things he was saying about you... how could I just stand there? He’s lucky I let him off easy,” Ray says forcefully, anger still running through his veins as he remembers everything Boeing said.
“Easy?” Sand scoffs, “Ray, you smashed a glass on his head! And you probably broke his nose”
“Yeah, sorry. I got carried away,” Ray smiles sheepishly.
“I know violence is never the answer but... I have to admit, I’m glad you did it”
“Well, he deserved it. He deserves worse,” he says, proud of having Sand’s approval.
They stay quiet for a few minutes, fingers caressing each other’s hands, before Sand breaks the silence.
“What... What happened after I left?”
“I grabbed him by the neck and pushed him out of the pool. I may have kicked him in the ass on his way out of the door,” he smirks.
Sand laughs quietly and grabs his head, pulling him up until their foreheads lean together.
“Thank you for taking care of him. I... I’m not sure I would have been able to get rid of him on my own,” Sand says quietly.
Ray rubs their noses together and wraps his arms around his waist.
“I’m glad to help you. Whenever you need me, I’ll be here. Always. Even... Even if you decide you don’t want to be with me anymore, you can always count on me,” he promises, voice full of emotion.
“Of course I want you in my life. I can’t imagine my life without you”
Ray’s heart jumps at Sand’s words and he holds him tighter.
“Me neither. And I... I promise to talk to you if I ever feel insecure again”
“And I promise to let you in if something happens to me”
“I love you so much, Sand. I was so scared I was losing you,” Ray confesses as tears gather in his eyes.
Sand leans in and kisses him on the lips.
“I love you too. So much”
Ray kisses him back and climbs into his lap, wrapping his legs around his hips.
“I promise to never, ever, make you feel as if you aren’t enough. You are the best thing to ever happen to me, Sand. I- I don’t know where I would be if it wasn’t for you. Probably dead if we’re being honest,” he laughs hollowly.
“Ray...”
“Before I met you I was... I didn’t really want to live anymore. I couldn’t care less what happened to me. But you... you gave me hope. You made me want to be better, get the help I needed, face my addiction. You made me want a future”
“That was all you, Ray, I just held your hand through it all”
“Then promise to never let go”
“I promise”
Ray kisses him again. It’s probably the sweetest kiss they’ve shared, full of love and devotion. Sand sighs into it and wraps his arms closer around Ray to have him closer, needing to have him as near as possible. Ray lets out a quiet moan as he runs his tongue over Sand’s lower lip, immediately gaining access to that sweet mouth.
They break apart after a while to catch their breaths and they bury their faces on each other’s necks, just enjoying the sweet moment. Ray has his hand under Sand’s shirt and is running idle fingers up and down his spine.
Ray moves out of his lap and Sand whines in protest, arms tightening on his waist, but Ray just grabs him by the shoulders and pushes him down softly until they are laying down, arms and legs tangled and his head resting on Sand’s shoulder. They caress each other’s skin and kiss from time to time, sharing sweet words in whispers.
Ray starts running his fingers through his hair and Sand can’t keep his eyes open any longer. He feels Ray move and then he’s covering them with a blanket, kissing his forehead before laying back down with his head on his chest, fingers getting back to his hair.
Eventually, Sand falls asleep and Ray slowly reaches behind the couch for a blanket to cover him. He kisses his forehead and lays back down with his head on the chest underneath him, fingers running through Sand’s hair.