Chapter Text
The air smelled of wet earth and freshly cut grass.
Shinazugawa leaned against the trunk of a tree, arms crossed, watching as Tomioka finished cleaning his sword in the dim light of dusk. Every movement of the Water Hashira was precise, almost hypnotic, as if the world weren’t filled with demons and death.
—"Damn rat face"— Shinazugawa thought, feeling irritation burn in his throat. It wasn’t the pain of his wounds that bothered him—though they stung—but something deeper, something he couldn’t define.
—Are you just going to stand there like a post, or are you going to help?— Shinazugawa growled, though he didn’t actually need help. He just wanted Tomioka to look at him.
To see him.
To, for once, not ignore him as if he were invisible.
Tomioka glanced up, his blue eyes meeting Shinazugawa’s for a moment before returning to his sword. —If you can’t walk, just say so. There’s no shame in admitting it.—
—"Admit weakness. As if that’s an option"— But it wasn’t just pride holding him back—it was the fear that if he let his guard down, Tomioka would see too much; the emptiness inside him since he lost almost his entire family, the fear that Genya, the only one left, would end up the same way.
That’s why he pushed him away, why he treated him like a nuisance for Shinazugawa, protecting him meant keeping him at a distance, even if it hurt them both.
—I don’t need your pity, rat face!— Shinazugawa spat, pushing off the tree harder than necessary. Pain shot through his side, but he ignored it. —I can take care of myself.—
Tomioka didn’t respond. He simply sheathed his sword and walked away, leaving Shinazugawa with the feeling that, once again, he had failed at something he didn’t fully understand.
××× ×× ×××
××Tomioka’s Thoughts××
"Always the same act.
Always acting like the world owes him something.
But his eyes... his eyes betray everything he doesn’t say.
Every time he thinks I’m not looking, I see how he tenses when Genya is near, how he pulls away as if the mere act of caring for him would destroy him.
Why does he have to be so hard on those he loves?
Why does he push them away instead of letting them close?"
××× ×× ×××
That night, as the camp slept, Shinazugawa found himself wandering aimlessly, his hands clenched into fists. He stopped in front of Tomioka’s hut, listening to the soft sound of his breathing on the other side of the paper door.
—I should hate him— he told himself. —I should ignore him like he ignores my insults.— But his feet wouldn’t move.
A rustling in the bushes alerted him—a lesser demon lurked in the shadows, creeping toward Tomioka’s hut.
Shinazugawa acted without thinking. In the blink of an eye, he stepped between the creature and the door, his sword slicing through the air with a lethal hiss. The demon fell, but Shinazugawa didn’t take his eyes off the entrance.
—"Why did I do that?"— he wondered, his heart pounding. —"Why do I always end up protecting him, even when I pretend I don’t care?"—
The door slid open. Tomioka stood there, hair disheveled, confusion on his face. —Shinazugawa...—
—It’s nothing.— Shinazugawa muttered, looking away. —I was just passing by.—
Tomioka didn’t say anything, but Shinazugawa felt his gaze—warm and heavy, like a truth he didn’t want to face.
××× ×× ×××
××Shinazugawa’s Thoughts××
"Genya hates me for pushing him away, and he’s right.
But I can’t help it... every time I look at him, I see my mother, my siblings, everyone I’ve lost. I can’t lose him too. But then... why, when I see Tomioka in danger, is my first instinct to protect him?
Why can’t I pretend indifference with him?"
××× ×× ×××
The next day, Shinazugawa found Genya waiting by the river, as he often did when he wanted to talk.
—"Not today"— he thought, but he couldn’t stop himself from approaching.
—What do you want?— Shinazugawa asked, harsher than necessary.
Genya looked at him with a mix of frustration and sadness. —I just wanted to know if we could train together today...Like before...—
Shinazugawa felt a knot in his stomach. —"Like before...like when we were still a family...like before he learned that loving someone was giving death an easy target"—
—I don’t have time.— Shinazugawa lied, turning away. —Go train with Kamado or that crybaby Agatsuma.—
—Why do you always reject me?— Genya’s voice trembled...not with fear, but with anger.
—Aren’t I your brother?—
Shinazugawa clenched his fists. —"Because you’re all I have left"— he wanted to scream.
Instead, he only said, —Leave me alone.—
Genya walked away, wounded, and Shinazugawa stood there, feeling something inside him break a little more.
××× ×× ×××
×××Tomioka’s Thoughts (watching from afar)×××
"I understand.
More than he thinks. Shinazugawa doesn’t know how to love without hurting. But at least with Genya, he tries, even if it’s the wrong way. With me, he doesn’t even try—just insults me, pushes me away, acts like my very presence bothers him.
But last night... last night, he protected me...
Why?"
××× ×× ×××
That afternoon, during a mission, Tomioka took a blow that left him stumbling. Shinazugawa was at his side in an instant, catching him before he fell. —Let go of me, Shinazugawa!— Tomioka growled, trying to pull away.
—Shut up and duck!— Shinazugawa shoved him behind a rock, shielding him with his body as an enemy attack struck the ground where they had stood seconds before.
Tomioka looked at him, stunned. —Did you just...?—
—It was an accident.— Shinazugawa lied, abruptly pulling away. —Don’t thank me.—
But Tomioka saw the truth flash in his eyes..., the fear, the same fear that made him push Genya away... the same fear that was drawing him closer to Tomioka.
×××Shinazugawa’s Thoughts×××
"I hate this.
I hate that I care.
I hate that when I see him hurt, something inside me tears apart.
I hate that, despite everything,
I can’t stop protecting him..."
××× ×× ×××