Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Before 1x had gotten stuck in this whole disaster, she often thought about what she would do if she lived like a regular Robloxian. She would be a singer, or perhaps own a dojo. Maybe she would become a student, or something amazing. She would never know, but pretending made all the time spent starving and rotting away in chains gave her hope that maybe one day she could be free. (she was desperate)

She spent a very long time pretending. She could imagine how spotlights would feel on her body–which was no longer a shiny white, but a glitched black. A black which had been painfully earned as it ate away at her like a million fire ants would upon finding some great meal left behind by an ungrateful kid. She hated it. Back to the subject at hand, she imagined spotlights would feel hot and blinding. She couldn’t decide if it was better to imagine spotlights as being like on the Heights, watched by people–except this time, they were quiet in awe of her and not just because they didn’t care about her. Then she would go backstage, warm and sweaty and smiling and everyone would pat her back as she walked on past.

She imagined herself as the people that Builderman or Telamon talked about (never to her, because she wasn’t a real person.) She knew she wasn’t a person, but it would’ve been nice if they would talk to her instead of each other so she could’ve asked about some of the people they talked about. What is a janitor? It was such a weird word, and it wasn’t similar to the other ones. Most jobs people had were very self-explanatory, like firefighter or teacher. Other jobs were mentioned in the books she was allowed to read. She could figure those out. Sometimes she liked to think about the different kind of lives people lived, then put herself in their place.

She imagined being a student (like the little kid kind!) and getting to go to a school. Maybe she would’ve joined in on the after school activities, and gone to her friends’ houses. Maybe she wouldn’t have had friends at all, but it would be okay as she stepped out of the school building and into the sunlight.

Maybe she would get to be one of the bigger kinds of students–going to some college or high school, where she could specialize in a million things and find out what she was good at. Maybe she’d be good at nothing. One thing she knew for sure, is that she’d always want to spend her days in the courtyard (because every big kid school had courtyards, obviously.) Then she’d get to walk home with friends–or alone, which she was more used to– under the setting sun, which would beat on their back with a warmth that would burn their skin to a pinker tone, and it would flake off unless they took precautions.

She always found herself thinking about the feeling of warmth on her again. Being sealed was cold. Cold all the way down to her bones. (she was angry.)

Once she had stopped imagining what she could’ve been (and she imagined everything) and realizing that all she wanted was to feel the sun again, she decided she was going to see the sun.

The place she was chained to (she didn’t really understand what it was because she couldn’t see anything) was cold and dark and rocky and sharp. 1x was chained to the ground and could only shift her posture to a few different positions. She could not stand, but she could lay down on her front, like how a dog would curl up onto its paws. She could sit on her knees or with the splayed out like a W. Or she could really stretch herself for a few moments and try to sit on her butt with her feet on the floor in front of her, and then she could lay her head on her knees and cover her face with her arms and pretend the darkness that surrounded her only really came from her own arms.

She tried to move as much as she could, because when she went too long without moving, her bones would stiffen and the rot would creep in between and grow so she could no longer move

She really wanted to see the sun–to run around and feel the beating rays of the sun as her shoulders and back weren’t being held down. Her feet would be light and swift and she would run into the horizon and never look back to that awful place which she came from.

But she didn’t want to share the sun with Telamon. (she was furious.)

After some unspoken struggles with unsealing herself (and as much as 1x tries to forget those times, they never leave her) she was finally out. She took a step outside of the dimension she was trapped in, and took a moment to breathe in the freshness of the outside world. There is was, the sun. And grass, and trees, and flowers, and–life. The air felt nourishing. Like she was becoming a new person again. She was able to ignore her terrible back pain as she rolled her shoulders back and threw her head back. Her hair was long and, shockingly enough, bright white. It was messy and tangled but she could see it. Because there was light everywhere. Her hands and the rest of her body were just as disgusting as she thought they were becoming, and she felt hungrier than she ever had when she was stuck. Suddenly, she didn’t care very much about having just the sun. She wanted to go eat, and look in a mirror, and talk to people, and get a job or something! Then she looked to her left and–

and–Telamon? But he was different. He was also standing directly in front of her. And he was… very unattractive.

He was fat. 1x had been starving and miserable, trapped for a small eternity, and Telamon had gotten fat.

(she was hatred.)

Her brain could only focus on a single thing–Telamon. How dare he? How dare he? She extended her demonshank and began to lunge towards him.

He barely had his sword out before 1x lunged forward and–

Then 1x landed here.

This stupid cabin. With about 10 other idiots who didn’t know jack about squat. There was this overgrown child–literally. This red abomination wasn’t just a mental case, but was actually some 11 year old who had been trapped and placed in a body he didn’t recognize. The other two were similar, but were older than him and decided to handle it away from the group. The 11 year old–Coolkid–had been upset for weeks.

Then the rounds started, and suddenly everything got messed up again. Whatever had taken them there messed with their minds. John Doe (1x was pretty sure he’s Builderman’s son, but didn’t care to ask) admitted that in the rounds, he feels like a mindless dog who attacks everything. John gestures at the deteriorating parts of his body and explains that it takes over everything.

Some of the others came forward and said similar things. Apparently Azure’s hat took over his brain and made him kill the survivor he was still in love with? John nodded with tears in his eyes at that, so they had some common ground.

Noli explained (in broken speech) how it feels as though he just wants to destroy everything. Destroy, he explained, as in tear apart. Not just so it's gone, but so it hurts as it goes. I’ve never felt that way before.

Some of the other guys joined in and soon it turned into this strange therapy session of killers who no longer had the agency to choose.

Somehow 1x didn’t realize that it was her turn to share until everyone was staring at her.

Was anything different in the rounds? Probably hatred. Or something.

She opened her mouth as though to speak, but couldn’t really think.

“I don’t really want to kill the other survivors,” she began, shifting her weight awkwardly, “I only want to kill that fat bucket of lard they talk to.”

No one prompted her, but she kept talking.

“...I only kill the other ones so I can take my time hurting him. Only if he’s not in the round does… whatever’s controlling our mind… do anything to me. It makes my hatred for him apply to everyone.”

She shifted her weight to her center to attempt to appear more confident, but she just kind of felt like a murderer.

She was a murderer. (She is hatred.)

She got a few shifty glances because of her answer, but she pretended not to care in hopes it would help her to not care. After spending so long alone, 1x didn’t know if she still wanted to be alone, or if it was something she just couldn’t control.

How many years was she in there?

1x doesn’t like thinking about that. So she doesn’t. She spends her time ignoring how the other killers shift away from her. Apparently her explanation rubbed some of them the wrong way, and they felt that she was some evil being. She was an evil being, but it didn’t hurt any less.

The thing that had taken them there had given them a special gift around 2 weeks later. A TV which would show the current round. It was interesting, but difficult to keep away from the kids who still assumed it was all just a game. It was weird seeing how the people she had spent so long with lost their minds. John Doe’s face would go still and unmoving–his grin permanently etched into his face even as his wife begged him to stop. Even Slasher’s posture was different. He was a quiet guy, so you had to look at the little things with him.

The saddest was watching the kids play their games. 1x didn’t feel anything other than hatred, but she assumed that since their parents seemed like good ones (great ones, as Bluudude insisted) they didn’t deserve to be murdered by their children. But nobody really seemed happy, so there wasn’t a lot of purpose in feeling more sympathy for one person or another. Everybody was in their own tough spot.

1x didn’t care so much about her own struggles, since she got to kill Telamon more often than not. He appeared in a lot of rounds with her. She felt somewhat self-conscious in rounds now that there was a TV, knowing that she was being watched, but she was used to fighting while being watched by some invisible and judging eyes.

Until this round.

1x felt her feet land on the grass and rolled her shoulders back. Okay, she thought, it’s my turn. She reached up to her eye and ripped it out (which was a trick she learned when trying to escape her sealing) and saw where all the survivors were.

Telamon was alone. She didn’t really want to kill the other survivors today. She just wanted to kill Telamon. Maybe she’d do it with his own sword, or something. She set out to hunt him down with her regular sprint. She ran right past Elliot, who startled so hard he fell backwards and hit his head on a wall.

She swallowed down a laugh and continued searching for Telamon.

She slowed her pace when she encountered the clearing where he was. He wasn’t running. He didn’t pull his sword out. He just kind of stared at her.

Perhaps some part of her would always be curious about his opinion, because she lowered her sword and settled her weight onto her heels.

“1x,” Telamon started, slow and low, “I… I wanted to give you something.”

1x gestured for him to go on. She wasn’t going to step any closer.

Slowly, she watched as Telamon dropped his sword and stepped closer to her. She tensed, but she was brave enough to withstand a little bit more distance. She had killed him more times than she could count.

“Hold out your hand.” 1x didn’t know why she did, but her hand came forward, palm up. Her claws were vicious and brutal, and there was no beauty in the lines of her arm.

A cloth-wrapped present was placed in her hand. It was small. She could curl the tips of her fingers around it, but not completely engulf it in her hand.

She brought it closer to her, slowly, even though she knew it couldn’t hurt her.

As she lifted up a corner of the folded cloth, she felt fragile in a way she hasn’t in a very long time. What if this was a trap? Some way to get her to let her guard down and then hurt her again? What if this whole encounter hurt? But her hands continued moving in spite of any doubts she had. Her curiosity outweighed any other part of her–even hatred. Why did Telamon give her a gift? What did he give her?

It was warm, was the first thing she noticed. The tips of her fingers had brushed against it and felt warm. She moved the fabric so it would roll gently into her palm. It was a small stone, with an irregular shape. Not smooth or round like a marble, but not like any natural shape of brick she had seen before. It was smoothed on the edges, like it had been tumbled or at least chiseled.

It was warm. She couldn’t emphasize how interesting it was that a regular stone could emanate warmth. She pulled it closer to her chest–where she felt the coldest–and held the stone between her palm and right where her heart should’ve been.

And the cold felt gone. Her arms shivered in some strange feeling she couldn’t explain.

1x turned her gaze upwards. “Why?” She asked, feeling a bit dumb. All of her regular sharp words were gone.

Telamon looked down, then back at her. It was a strange stance, almost guilty but not quite. Something about it seemed careful. His lips tensed against each other as he swallowed, and carefully opened his dry mouth to answer back, “It’s your 16th birthday today.”

1x’s eyes shot open. They had become half-lidded due to the warmth which had calmed her, but she was tense all over again. If she had hair on her body, it would all be standing up. “16th?” she said, tense. “It’s my 16th birthday?”

Telamon nodded and stepped back. “You always seem cold. I notice things, you know. You shiver sometimes at random, and you rub your arms all the time.”

1x looked down at the warm rock she held, then looked back up at Telamon. “You… you left me in there for 5 years?” She didn’t sound as angry as she wanted to. She just kind of sounded like a stupid kid who didn’t know how long they were in time-out for. She kind of wanted to scream and roll on the ground.

It certainly didn’t feel like 5 years. Or maybe it did. It felt like forever, but 5 years is certainly a long time when it’s a third of your life. Time passes faster when you’re having fun, but since 1x was absolutely miserable at every second of her time sealed, she felt every moment.

Telamon didn’t respond to her. She didn’t want to hear anything he had to say anyway. It wouldn’t change the 5 years she spent in there. 1x didn’t want to look at his face anymore. She didn’t want to see his fat body and the muscle in his arms when she knew that her body looked rotted and deteriorated from 5 years of not eating or moving. She didn’t want to see his skin, which hadn’t changed in color or texture or rotted over while he was alive. She didn’t want to see his eyes or his teeth or his legs or his fingers or anything.

She didn’t want to think about the stone he had given her, and she didn’t want to think about the times he was good to her. She didn’t want to think about how he used to carry her when she was tired after training or when she fell asleep at the table. She didn’t want to know about how he’s trying to change and apologize to her.

She clutched the warm stone to her chest and held her sword out and to the right. Telamon looked… forlorn. Disappointed. He looked like he had resigned himself to dying once again.

So when 1x cut her own head off, his eyes widened in an almost comical way. 1x would have laughed if she wasn’t respawning back in the living room of where everyone else was sitting.

She still had the rock clutched in her hand as she looked up at the others who were sitting around the TV, as they do whenever 1x faces off against Telamon. They always wanted to see if they could find out why she hated him. Well, they had a piece of the puzzle now.

Her legs felt weak and wobbly. She didn’t really want to fall in front of all these people she had spent so long trying to intimidate.

John was standing in front of her, trying to move her to the couch. She couldn’t really hear him. Everything kind of felt fuzzy. She could feel some hands on her shoulders guiding her to move from the spot she had been stuck, like a statue.

Azure was crouched in front of her, which was weird because normally she wasn’t that short. He was trying to get her attention or something. He had the hand which wasn’t clutching the warm stone to her chest in his hand. He was squeezing it in a pattern.

1x slowly realized that she was sitting on the couch (when did that happen?) and that’s why Azure was crouched in front of her. It was so he could look her in the eyes. She let her eyes drift from the forward position they were in down to where their hands were joined. Why was he touching her?

“...1x? 1x can you hear me? Squeeze my hand if you can hear me.”

Oh. He was talking. Okay, she could listen. She didn’t really want to listen to other people, but Azure was always polite to her.

She squeezed his hand then shook her hand out of his grasp, so she could hold it over her face. She felt a little more cemented in herself. Her legs were still shaky and numb, and so were her fingertips. (Her chest was warm.)

“What… What are you doing, Azure?” 1x grumbled out, dragging her hand down her face and she rolled her shoulders back. “What’s going on?”

Azure looked calm, but 1x knew him well enough to see how the edge of his lips were a little more downturned than his usual expression. “You came back from a round and were unresponsive. In that round, you killed yourself.”

1x nodded. She didn’t realize she was unresponsive or that she could ever be unresponsive, but she was better now. She knew about the whole cutting her head off thing, so she wasn’t worried about that. She looked to her left and right and saw a couple of the others standing around awkwardly.

She took her hand off of her chest and cupped the stone in between her two hands. She was feeling like a brat. Everyone was worried about her, and she didn’t know what to do with that. They didn’t even enjoy her presence before today, and now they wanted to–what, comfort her?

…She had always imagined what it would be like to have friends.

And now she had warmth. She felt like maybe she could be a little bit greedy.

So she let the tears she had been holding back flow down her face as she felt like the most pitiful ball of rot that ever existed.

The tears started slow and cold. When she cried before being sealed, they were warm. But these tears felt like ice as they rolled down her face and onto her hands. She didn’t cover her face, because her hands were too busy holding the stone. She didn’t make any noise or hiccup. 1x just let the tears roll down her face.

Doombringer, of all people, was the first to react and sit by her. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and squeezed her like how he did with the three little kids. Azure reached towards her face and wiped the tears as they rolled down her cheek. They didn’t talk, because they didn’t know why 1x was crying. They didn’t really know any of the history between Telamon and 1x.

John sat on her other side and moved her hair out of her eyes–which she always hated, but found she hated even more when she was crying.

Noli sat on his knees right by Azure, and just sat there. Like he wanted her to know that he cared or something.

The others began sitting down or gathering right in front of her like they wanted to comfort her or something and she just let the tears roll down her face as she looked down.

When she brushed away Azure’s hand and wiped away the rest of her tears, she realized how quiet everyone was being. 1x normally would never bother telling her sob story to a bunch of people who hated her or didn’t understand her but she had just turned 16 and has spent 5 years of her life rotting, alone and abandoned.

“He left me for 5 years,” her voice cracked as she said years, but she had no way to have her cheeks flush from the embarrassment, “alone, and cold, and rotting away. He left me!”

Embarrassingly enough, there were more tears to cry even after her earlier crying session. Her voice sounded worse than it usually did, and that was saying something. This whole thing was so embarrassing, but she was so upset. It felt like emotions were flowing out of every poor and every inch of her was meant to be imploding with pain. She didn’t understand this feeling. She was so conflicted–5 years, but he’s trying to apologize.

I did kill him, like, a lot. She thought, wiping her tears, but he deserved it.

The first sob finally broke out of her mouth as she hunched forward and rubbed her eyes, almost like rubbing them would put the tears back. John’s hand was still gently moving her hair, and everything inside of 1x felt like she should just die to make matters easier.

Then she wouldn’t have to worry about all this other stuff. As more sobs began to burst out of her, she couldn’t help but feel like she had to explain–these people around her should know that it wasn’t just 5 years of being grounded.

“He-” she swallowed to try and gain confidence, “he sealed me into one of the banland’s glitched chambers because I had a virus. He didn’t even try to help me. He just… chained me there!”

She looked up, wanting to see if they understood how frustrating that was for her. Azure’s face seemed panicked, like he wasn’t aware 1x had a story to tell. Azure’s face was the only one she could see.

“I was eleven and it hurt so much. I was so hungry and cold all the time!” She couldn’t stop herself from continuing, “He was supposed to be my–”

She cut herself off, because that’s where she normally tried to stop thinking. Telamon never liked it too much, but even Builderman and Brighteyes would say that–

“He was supposed to be my dad.” She sobbed, lifting her hands to tear her eyes out or something along those lines so she would never have to cry again.

Chapter Text

The only thing keeping John sane throughout this whole debacle was the knowledge that his wife still loves him. Azure had talked with him after one of his rounds and mentioned that Jane tried begging with him, saying things like “I know it's not you” and “I still love you.”

John was not afraid to admit that he had broken down crying in Azure’s arms.

Along with Azure, talking with Guest666 (who preferred to just go by Six) made him realize that they were all struggling with the same kind of issue. They didn’t want to do this. Their minds were being taken over and corrupted every time that timer started going off.

Noli, shockingly enough, was scared out of his wits of John. John tried figuring out why several times, before he realized that all of the kids were also scared of him. He tried talking with Doombringer about why this might be happening (since the kids really liked Doom for some reason) and even Doom couldn’t figure out why. It was only when John was fully fed-up with being treated like a monster even outside of the rounds and asked why Noli hated him did the truth come out.

“You were kind of a, um…” Noli’s stuttered words were cut off with what seemed like a painful glitch, but he continued on nonetheless, “an urban legend? Like you were going to hack everyone and like, kill us all.”

Apparently, there had been a rumor when he was originally infected by code that he had been turned into some sort of monster that lurked on those who went to places they weren’t supposed to.

It took a very long time to explain to Coolkid and Pretty that he was not going to kill them or eat them if they didn’t eat their vegetables or whatever their parents threatened them with to get them to behave. Bluudude eyed him suspiciously and asked if he was going to break apart his headphones if he didn’t listen. John almost laughed at the thought of all of these kids’ parents using him as a sort of boogie-man to get their kids to listen.

Convincing Noli was easy, but he still occasionally spooked him to the point of hearing Noli’s highest pitched screams. Noli, upon being startled, would shriek, tense his shoulders, and jump like a frightened cricket. However funny it was to spook him, John didn’t enjoy being the reason that Noli was always tense, so John had taken to tapping his (very heavy) arm on the ground as a way to let them know he was near.

Speaking of his arm, it was more annoying than painful. All of his shirts had to be either ripped or cut to adjust for the stupid thing, and since it refused to bend at the elbow, getting shirts on was a very difficult experience that usually required assistance. He gave up on even trying to fit in the tiny shower inside the single bathroom, and preferred to just swim in the lake nearby and have one of the others help him.

He didn’t like asking for help, but he didn’t find weakness in asking for it. If anything, it made him grow closer with everyone. After 3 months of being stuck in this hell-hole, he and most of the others had grown to know each other pretty well–which was probably made easier because they were all in very stressful situations which made their mental state fragile and desperate for connection.

Everybody got along–except for 1x. Ever since 1x had shared that their mind wasn’t being altered during the murders, John had a hard time even coming close to the thought of being friendly with them. Sure, they could share a house and meal-times (even though 1x never ate even if they did show up) and John could respect 1x’s pronouns if they felt like correcting him, but he would much rather pretend 1x didn’t even exist.

1x was killing innocent people. They were killing his wife, who had done nothing but love John since the day they met. She was still holding onto the hope that John could fight against the infection rotting his brain and stop killing her.

And 1x was just killing her so he could torture someone he didn’t like for longer. It was just Shedletsky, anyway. What could he have done to deserve being torn apart the way that he had seen 1x flay him?

While everyone else in this fiasco had gotten over their grudge after killing people for the nth time, 1x was still killing every single round. Watching their rounds on the TV was worse than every other round, because everyone could tell that 1x had a sound mind every time they would send forth an “entanglement” or one of his fancy swords.

1x never let anyone know what their whole issue was with Shedletsky. John had long given up trying to understand 1x at all. He chalked it up to 1x just being a mental case.

(A mental case which killed his wife whenever they got the opportunity.)

John was leaning over the back of the couch, watching as 1x rolled their shoulders back and started the round. Watching 1x tear their own eye out was always freaky, but they never complained or rubbed their eye in pain afterwards, so John assumed that 1x was messed up inside and outside.

John didn’t always like watching the rounds, but Shedletsky was in this round. If 1x ever talked or Shedletsky let out any sort of hint to their relationship, John and the rest of the killers (which John hated using that term to describe them) would have a chance to maybe understand what 1x’s whole deal was.

It got very boring when there was absolutely nothing to do all day–and going into a round wasn’t something that anyone looked forward to (except for maybe the kids and 1x)-- so they spent quite of bit of time speculating on the things which they didn’t know, like what had trapped them here, why they were trapped here, why they were decided to be the killers, and what in robloxia was the deal with 1x and Shedletsky.

1x ran right past Elliot, which was strange but not unheard of. It wasn’t unusual for 1x to go straight for Shed. Elliot was normally a first-priority, since he could heal the other survivors and he was very fast. The only thing that Elliot did was bang his head on a wall and fall flat onto his butt, which earned a little giggle from Noli.

When 1x came across Shed, it was weird. 1x didn’t immediately try and entangle him and Shed didn’t try and engage in a sword-fight, like they usually do. He watched as 1x lowered their sword(!?). Now John was engaged. This was new.

“Six!” John called for Six, who didn’t like watching the rounds, but was also very interested in potentially learning more about 1x. Six walked over from the kitchen area and settled right by John, apparently picking up on the scene on the TV quickly.

“1x, I… I wanted to give you something.”

1x, apparently deciding to be a pacifist today (because they had to choice to do that!), jerked their head in to encourage Shed to continue.

Shed let the sword in his hand drop to the ground and slowly moved toward 1x. 1x looked like they were holding themselves back from killing him, John thought, it was probably muscle memory from having Shed be that close.

“Hold out your hand.”

Giving 1x a command was brave, but apparently Shed knew what he was doing, because 1x really did hold their hand out. 1x’s hand was small and bony, probably because 1x never ate anything. John guessed that since 1x didn’t really have organs, there was no need to eat.

Anyway, this little interaction was already riling up everyone who was watching. 1x and Shed did know each other, and Shed seemed to know 1x quite well, especially if he was able to get her to listen.

Then Shed placed some folded fabric into their hand. As 1x began unfolding the fabric to see what was inside, John leaned closer to the TV, as though that would let him see any better.

It was a rock? 1x seemed shocked, but didn’t go to immediately maim Shed after the gag-gift he gave them.

Instead, 1x held the stone flush against their chest and looked at Shed.

“Why?”

Why? John heard Azure scoff. Probably because Shed was always trying to mess with them. He probably thought it was funny that 1x actually thought that he was giving them a gift.

Shed moved awkwardly, probably since he didn’t think he’d live to get this far, then looked 1x dead in the eyes and replied:

“It’s your 16th birthday today.”

1x looked shocked. John felt shocked. Everyone watching was shocked.

“16th? It’s my 16th birthday?”

Even 1x didn’t know?

“You always seem cold. I notice things, you know. You shiver at random, and you rub your arms all the time.”

What did 1x being cold have to do with it being their 16th birthday? John watched as 1x looked down at the rock, confused, and looked back at Shed.

“You… you left me in there for 5 years?”

Now John was really lost. Shed left 1x somewhere? 1x was cold? Shed gave 1x a rock? 

Shed looked at 1x, then looked back down and backed up, not responding. It was silent for a moment until 1x pulled their sword out–and there’s the 1x everyone knew.

Except, instead of killing Shed, 1x held her sword out and trembled there for a moment. The sword shook in their hands, which was noticeable. Their hair was moving as their entire body shook. Was this 1x when they were actually furious?

Then 1x cut their own head off and the TV turned off as the round ended.

The spawn point was right behind the couch, so when 1x came back, John was standing right in front of them. Normally, they scoffed and walked away from them, going to their room or outside. This time, 1x just stood their, holding the rock to their chest, and staring forward blankly.

John may not like 1x, but he also gained nothing from not helping. He also wasn’t a terrible person, and there was a troubled 16 year old in front of him who didn’t seem to quite know what was going on.

“1x? Do you want to sit on the couch? Your legs are really shaky and I don’t you to fall.”

Azure stood up from the couch as John tried to catch 1x’s attention. Everyone else on the couch followed suit as John wrapped his (not glitched) arm around 1x’s shoulder and led them to sit on the couch. 1x was sitting with a straight back and was looking forward, but wasn’t seeing any of them.

Azure was crouched in front of them, trying to get 1x’s attention for a few minutes. He was holding one of 1x’s hands. John didn’t really know how to help, but he felt like he shouldn’t leave. Nobody else wanted to leave. There were a bunch of questions, and a bunch of answers that they didn’t know what to do with.

John was lost in his thoughts for a moment when he heard 1x’s low voice complain, “What–What are you doing Azure?” He looked over and saw 1x cover their face with their hand and roll their shoulders back. “What’s going on?”

Azure answered simply, trying to appear as calm as they could in an attempt to ensure that 1x didn’t lash out or something similar, “You came back from a round and were unresponsive. In that round, you killed yourself.”

1x nodded, and looked around. John really couldn’t place a finger on what could’ve been going on in their head. They took their hand off their chest and held the stone in their palms.

Then 1x started to cry. Azure looked around, panicked, asking for help with nothing but their eyes. Nobody in the room knew how to handle this at all. Nobody knew 1x, and nobody had helped a crying 16 year old who had been given a rock for their birthday. They didn’t even know why 1x was crying.

Doombringer nodded at John and sat by 1x, carefully laying an arm across her shoulders in an attempt to be as comforting as possible.

As Azure was trying to wipe the tears off of 1x’s face, which was always a natural instinct when faced with someone crying and one has no clue what to do, John sat on 1x’s other side and moved their bangs behind their ears, so they wouldn’t get stuck to their face.

Jane always hated it when she was crying or doing something and her bangs were getting stuck to her face or covering her eyes.

John heard the others try and settle nearby (in some attempt to be comforting but also not knowing what to do) and saw 1x push away Azure’s hand. Azure looked panicked, because some people hated it and John would’ve been scared to have 1x switch from sad to angry, but 1x just put their hand back down.

“He let me for 5 years, alone, and cold, and rotting away.” 1x’s voice sounded ruined, like crying was something their voice wasn’t meant for. “He left me!”

John didn’t understand. Shed left 1x? How?

1x heaved like they were finally starting to sob, then they leaned over their knees and started crying in earnest. John still didn’t know how to help, but they hadn’t brushed away his hand.

Maybe all 1x needed was to talk?

“He–he sealed me into one of the banland’s glitched chambers because I had a virus.” What? How did Shed even have the ability to do that? “He didn’t even try to help me. He just… chained me there!”

1x looked up, their eyes wild and their face covered in tears.

Suddenly, 1x started making a little more sense. If they were chained for 5 years, and they were 16 now, then–

“I was eleven,” 1x explained, and John could feel his eyes widen in horror, “and it hurt so much. I was so hungry and cold all the time! He was supposed to be my–”

No.

“He was supposed to be my dad.” And 1x reached up and began sobbing, curling their legs up like they could hide away from everyone.

John and Doom made eye contact over 1x. Azure seemed to be trying to take 1x’s hands away from their eyes, and Six seemed shell-shocked. Slasher made a gesture like he was going to go grab a glass of water.

Noli followed Slasher, probably just trying to get out of the room.

“1x, I need you to stop scratching at your eyes.” Azure’s calm voice was directed at 1x, but his eyes were glaring daggers at John and Doom. Oh.

John reached forward and grabbed one of 1x’s hands, prying their fingers away from their face. 1x shook their head and tried to curl up even tighter, pulling against John’s grasp.

“If you want to stop crying, you need to take deep breaths.” Doom’s low voice rang out, “You also need to clear your mind. Scratching at your eyes isn’t going to help.”

1x glared at Doom, but it wasn’t very effective since there were still tears rolling down their face. Doom made a big show of breathing in then motioned for 1x to copy him.

While it was slow, and 1x was still fighting to pull their hands out of John and Azure’s grip, Doom’s instructions slowly calmed them down.

“Okay, I’m better now, let go of my hands.” 1x huffed, “I want to go wash my face off and never see you guys again.”

“Would you like a glass of water first?” Noli had come back into the room, and leaned a little bit in order to offer the glass to 1x. 1x narrowed their eyes at him, but he only smiled wider, so 1x took the glass of water.

John was relieved that 1x didn’t immediately try and stab them or yell at them, but that option was still very much possible. As 1x sipped at the water, Azure opened his mouth to talk, to John’s fear.

“So, you’re 16?” Azure tried to smile, “Happy birthday?”

1x frowned at Azure. “...I didn’t know how old I was. I didn’t even know it was my birthday.” 1x looked down, seemingly embarrassed(?) at the simple act.

Noli gestured for 1x to hand the empty cup back, and they did, “I don’t even know why he cares. He never celebrated my birthday before.” They looked down at the rock in their lap. “It’s not like it changes anything.” They picked up the rock, and set it in John’s lap.

It was warm! Oh! John felt his eyes open even wider as he attempted to look at it closely.

“...Are you ready to open up like the rest of us have?” Six either didn’t know how to sugar-coat things, or just didn’t care to. John saw Doom shoot a harsh look at Six, who shrugged and smiled.

“...Sure,” 1x said, “but I don’t really know how.”

“Just start by telling us how Shed’s even your dad. I mean, how did you get such a crazy virus? How did he have access to the banlands? Why does he look like that and you… don’t?” Six gestured at 1x as a whole, and 1x leaned back into the couch and sighed.

“I guess I should start by explaining that Shedletsky used to go by the name Telamon.” John startled a little bit at the name, and so did Doombringer, which was weird because Doombringer was also an admin. “I don’t know the details of him changing it, so don’t ask me.”

1x shot a look at Doom, who acted like his mouth wasn’t open and ready to ask away.

“He… created me. It’s kind of weird how it happened, and I don’t know the exact details. He created me and he trained me, but I wasn’t really his kid and he never really acted like my dad.” 1x swallowed and continued, “but really, he is my dad. Everyone always called him that. I grew up in the Heights, sword fighting.”

John felt a little shocked. The Heights were… a scary place. Telamon was a scary guy. People went to the Heights to either hurt others, judge others, or harass others.

1x moved their gaze all around before settling on their hands, which were in their lap. “I only got to eat if I won my match that day. Telamon used to train me himself, and he said that there was no reason for me to lose. His training was just kind of beating me into the ground when he was upset though.” 1x seemed to not care about anything that they were saying, like these memories didn’t bring any pain to them. “Then I caught this virus. I don’t even know how. It started… turning my skin black.”

1x brushed their hand on their face. “When it started appearing on my cheek, I couldn’t hide it anymore. Then Telamon was angry with me. He said that if I was stronger, I would’ve have gotten infected. That if I was smarter, I would’ve been able to deal with it on my own. I thought he was just going to help me, but I didn’t even see him pull out his command prompts. He…”

1x swallowed.

John didn’t know how to feel. He never would’ve expected this to be 1x’s reason for killing Shedletsky all the time.

1x looked straight forward, into Azure’s eyes. “He cut off my… my wings. So I couldn’t fly away.” Doombringer’s eyes seemed to change at that. 1x’s cloak seemed to be covering far more than just their back at that moment, but rather scars that told a story of unimaginable pain. “But I could’ve dealt with that. It was when he chained me down. It–... I…”

They paused for a moment, like they were trying to think about that moment. “I don’t know.” 1x whispered, “I don’t know why he left me there to die. I don’t even think he was expecting me to get out. I guess he just… changed his identity.”

1x’s face seemed to twist at that moment. “He changed his name, then got fat. That obese monstrosity left me to starve in there while he got fat.”

John would be angry too. While he may never truly understand what happened to 1x those 5 years they were stuck, John certainly could try his hardest to sympathise for an 11 year old who was abandoned when they were deemed weak.

“And now I’m stuck in here, which is it’s own form of being trapped with no way out,” 1x snarled, “except this time there’s nothing I can do except kill Telamon everytime I see him.”

That was a sentiment John could relate to. Not the killing Telamon part, but the feeling of being out-of-control of what happens to him. He saw Noli lower his head at the same time Azure bit his lip.

Everyone really was stuck.

“Well, I mean,” Noli started, which was never good because Noli was just some egotistical college graduate who used to hack servers for fun, “just about everyone here is great at coding.”

Azure growled, “I was raised in a cult, and even I know how to code. Knowing how to code isn’t something special. Whatever brought us here is something beyond what any of us know how to do.”

“No! Well, maybe. But also maybe not!” Noli leaned forward onto his knees, “Whatever brought us here is keeping us here with code. Okay? There’s literally no other way. I know you guys hate it when I bring this up, but there might be a chance that we can get out if we actually try, okay?”

Doom clenched his fist and firmly stated, “I’m tired of having all this false hope thrown into my face. Even if we could figure out code to do it, we don’t have the permission to.”

“Do you think I ever had perms?” Noli cried out, “No! It’s not about the perms, Doom. It’s about resources. I don’t have anything to even begin to load code on. I only have this stupid voidstar, which I can only use in the rounds! Only those stupid kids have any sort of GUI, and they don’t know how to program!”

John kind of felt like Noli just proved that it was impossible, then–

“But! Consider this–007n7 does know how to use it. And 1x here can talk to him in the rounds.” Noli’s ramblings seemed to be picking up speed. “If 1x could get 007n7–or any of their parents!--to explain how to use it, we would be watching on the TV and we could have access to code!”

It was silent for a moment as Noli caught his breath.

“...How long have you been thinking about this?” Six hesitantly asked, reaching out a hand to steady Noli’s heaving body.

“Ever since 1x mentioned that they had control over themselves in the rounds.”

Chapter Text

Builderman entered the round as he always did–pissed off.

He heard the ticking start in the back of his head, and barely had the time to stand up before he was teleported into a round.

He hated that ticking. When they first appeared in this hell, they were confused and desperate. They shared what they were doing last, what they thought could’ve happened… Then they started hearing this tick, tick, tick. It wasn’t like the endearing sound of a grandfather clock, but rather like how it sounded to put your ear to one of those clocks seen on the wall at school. It sounded mechanical–but it echoed in their ears. He remembers looking for where the noise was coming from before he was teleported into some strange field–and he was not ready to be teleported because he promptly lost his balance and ate dirt.

By now, they knew that hearing ticking meant a round was starting. Everyone heard the same ticking, whether they were in the round or not. The ticking was at the start and the end of a round. It was nice to have, because it let them try and stand up so they weren’t teleported horizontally and falling at the beginning of every round.

Builderman’s nightmares always had ticking in the background, these days.

As his feet landed on the ground, he looked around and tried to take a deep breath so he could think clearly. He was rarely targeted first, so as long as he stayed out of sight as he began building his machines it would be fine. Normally, Taph sought him out so they could build a fortified space where they could stay in relative safety and have a pretty good chance of escaping if discovered. It would attract other survivors most times, so finding a well-hidden spot was important (even if they’ve been doing this for so long that everyone knew every inch of every map.)

He established his dispenser which sent a green highlight to the other survivors for a few minutes. In the first few rounds, he thought it was nice that his ability had that little highlight, since it made his abilities more useful. However, he quickly grew bitter toward everything that reminded him of how powerless he was. Whatever had brought them here had taken his abilities away to the point where he was grateful for a temporary green highlight on a machine he was barely able to build. His resources were limited and whenever he tried to build anything but a dispenser or a sentry, they blew up in his face. He died a few times that way before giving up. There was nothing he could do other than build the same two things every round he was put in.

Builderman has been bitter for quite a while.

Taph came around soon after, apparently having spawned nearby. He was unwrapping one of his tripwires when Elliot stumbled in, causing both Taph and Builderman to startle. If Elliot was injured this early into a round, then he was probably being targeted.

If he was being targeted then the killer was probably right by him, Builderman thought frantically, so why did he lead them right to my dispenser? I don’t even have a turret down.

Elliot moved his hands in a way to show that he wasn’t being chased (basically just frantically shaking them back and forth and shaking his head) so Builderman hesitantly settled down.

“I just banged my head on a wall,” Elliot breathed out, exhausted from running, “1x scared me. But they just ran right past me.”

Shed’s probably in this round, Builderman thought.

1x hated Shedletsky, and everyone knew it. Only Builderman and Shed knew why–but even then, Builderman didn’t know the full details.

Shed adamantly refused to talk about it, saying that he left that part of him behind. It ticked Builderman off to no end because that part of him brought consequences that they still have to deal with.

Shed must have done something, because the 1x Builderman used to know was always watching their conversations with eager eyes, even as Telamon used to shoo them away. Builderman didn’t know how to interact with 1x when they were younger. Really, he didn’t know anything about what happened between 1x and Shedletsky. Just that Shed created 1x and was reasonably his father.

Telamon used to glare at Builderman and threaten him to never bring that word up again. Builderman never mentioned it to Shedletsky, because 1x wasn’t the same little kid anymore. He assumed it would only rub salt in whatever wound was there.

Anyway, since Elliot wasn’t attacked, then 1x went to go kill Shed. So they had a little bit of time to build up their little base (or nest as Taph refers to it.)

Elliot was settled down on the floor when Chance meandered in and flipped his coin while checking around for signs of the killer. Taph was building one of his subspace tripmines when the round suddenly ended. It felt like it took less than 7 minutes total–and rounds normally took 30 minutes minimum.

Builderman opened his eyes at the table they always spawned at after winning a round, sitting across from everyone–even Shedletsky, which meant he didn’t die before the round ended. He seemed… off.

He looked to his left and saw Noob, Elliot, and Chance. Shed was sitting next to Taph.

Noob stood up from the table (which they all associated with bad memories and pain) and nervously asked, “...What happened? Why’s the round over?”

They all looked at each other and gave the same confused look, but Shed refused to make eye contact.

Footsteps announced the arrival of someone new entering the room, and Builderman looked to the door to see Guest1337.

“Because 1x killed themself.” Guest explained, standing in the doorway. He looked over all of the people who came back, and went over to help Noob stand up. (Noob always had shaky legs after the rounds ended.) He continued talking as he wrapped his arm around Noob’s waist so they could move faster, grounding out the words, “We need to talk.”

They’ve had talks before. They’ve talked about which killers they were closer to, they’ve talked about potential ways to get out, they’ve talked about strategies to live through the rounds. They have a lot of talks, but this one seems a little more loaded than their regular discussions. This one felt like the one that they had to have about 007n7’s relationship with Coolkid–which was difficult to start, to have, and to live with. While Builderman also had a kid on the killer’s team, Coolkid was “only ten” as 007n7 had wetly said as he wiped tears out of the corners of his eyes.

Builderman nodded and stood up, preparing to move to their main room with the TV. Dusekkar met him as soon as he walked outside the door, giving him concerned eyes. What happened in that round?

Jane, Two Time, and 007n7 were already there, which was strange because Jane and 007n7 normally hated watching the rounds. While they would watch it occasionally, for the most part they became too upset when they had to watch all the murder and became reminded of who the killers were. Two Time, on the other hand, didn’t mind watching it all that much. (The sentinels watched it more than other people because they were always trying to predict the killers’ movements.) They only left the room sometimes when the killer Azure was there, but even then, sometimes, they would watch those rounds with an unblinking, intense gaze.

While there were cabins for each of them to double up in, they all preferred the main one for one reason–it had heating. The other cabins were cold and miserable and a bit of a walk from the main one. Half of them slept in the main cabin anyway. The food they ate just appeared in their pantry or fridge every week, and Elliot just about murdered anyone who tried to touch it. He made food for everyone and didn’t like it when his plans were ruined by not having enough of one ingredient. He would make lists after the food came in every week of what people could take and who was allowed to take stuff. (Chance was permanently banned from the kitchen.)

At first, all of the close quarters were awkward for most people. Guest took it in stride, apparently fine and dandy with being packed in with a bunch of strangers. Some of the more quiet people, like Taph, valued their alone time and would leave the cabin to go on walks.

As the first few weeks went on, there was no point in holding past grudges (Elliot) or trying to convince each other that their religion was false (Dusekkar) because all it did was divide them further–which they didn’t need. Apparently, being murdered together created a great bonding opportunity. Having secrets was fine, but a few months in and there weren’t a lot. Most people didn’t even have secrets beyond some that were pretty well known (like 007n7 being a hacker.)

Even though there were some people that would never be best friends (like Dusekkar and Two Time,) they were still able to be friendly. Of course, it wasn’t always sunshine and rainbows and people living together were bound to argue.

It was Elliot who had first lost his temper, yelling at them that he has a cooldown, as he refers to it, and couldn’t always heal them. He also explained that no, leading the killer right to him doesn’t make his cooldown speed up. He yelled at Chance and he yelled at Shed (for a long time, since Shed had his own chicken) and he yelled at anyone who came near him for the next two days.

It was Guest who pulled him aside and managed to talk some sense into him. Elliot had apologized to everyone and the matter was done with.

So, yeah, everyone had grown pretty close. They were comfortable with each other, and spent more time together than apart. There wasn’t really any other option.

Builderman finished looking around the room and returned his gaze to Guest.

Guest gestured for everyone to sit down, then cleared his throat, “Shedletsky, I’ll give you a chance to explain yourself before I tell everyone what we’ve learned.”

Builderman felt his eyes widen as he made eye contact with Dusekkar, trying to understand what had happened through only eye contact. Something did happen between 1x and Shed. Did they finally talk?

Looking away, Shed’s mouth opened as he plainly stated, “1x killed herself. That's why the round ended.”

That was already shocking enough that Builderman heard Noob audibly gasp–none of them even knew the killers could do that.

However, Guest wasn’t satisfied with Shed’s answer, “No, I’m talking about how you knew their birthday. And how they’re 16 and you know them.”

Builderman felt his face go numb. He never knew how old 1x was. Whatever their conversation was, it seemed to hurt 1x far more than it hurt Shedletsky.

“Also, you gave them a gift? 1x has been killing us mercilessly every chance they get, and you give them a gift? I don’t care if it was a lump of dirt or that rock you gave them.” Guest seemed to be riling himself up thinking about it, and Builderman felt glued to his seat as he watched Guest continue, “And what was that whole thing about ‘you left me?’, huh? I’m done giving you privacy. What is your deal?”

Shedletsky breathed in slowly, then closed his mouth.

No, Builderman thought, you don’t just get to let this fester.

Shed had taken Dusekkar and Builderman aside during the first week and practically begged them not to tell anyone about “the whole Telamon thing,” explaining that he didn’t want everyone to hate him. They agreed, since it wasn’t really their place. But at this point, it was just annoying keeping this from the rest of the survivors.

He looked over at Dusekkar one last time for reassurance before sitting up and drawing attention to himself.

“Since Shedletsky won’t talk, I will.” Builderman saw Shed make desperate eyes at him, but Builderman looked away. He let Shed keep this to himself for long enough, but now it was becoming a major issue that was dividing people. “The first thing you should know is that Shedletsky used to go by the name Telamon.”

He saw Elliott’s eyes widen when he glanced over, but quickly returned his gaze to looking right in front of him, and continued to speak,  “Telamon was a god, and he was cruel. 1x was his… creation.” Builderman looked over to Shedletsky and saw him holding his head in his hands. “He did something to 1x. I don’t know what he did, but 1x wasn’t always like this.”

Dusekkar chimed in, apparently forgoing his usual rhymes in favor of how serious the conversation was, “Considering how 1x seemed upset at how Shedletsky left them for ‘five years’ it seems like a good assumption that Shedletsky put 1x somewhere they could not leave for quite a while.”

“It wasn’t me!” Shedletsky suddenly burst out, “I’m… I’m different now! I used to be Telamon. I changed. I’m trying!”

“You are Telamon! Why can’t you just accept that?!” Builderman suddenly burst out, feeling upset on behalf of the 16 year old that Shedletsky refused to take the blame for ruining, “You are the only person responsible for what 1x is–and you won’t even tell us what it is you did!”

It was taking all of Builderman’s might not to go over to Shedletsky and smack the facade of innocence off his face.

“No, look, okay? 1x… When I,” Shedletsky swallowed, “I did… What I did, I wasn’t thinking. I’m trying to be better, okay? That’s why I was giving her that gift. She’s always cold, so I was trying to give her something warm. If I can get her to forgive me, isn’t that better for all of us?”

“How would a gift on her 16th birthday make up for whatever it is you did to her? Especially if it was so bad you can’t even explain it to us?” Builderman felt his hands shake with some emotion between frustration and pure, unadulterated rage.

“You left your child?” Guest stated, almost staring blankly at Shedletsky. Builderman went quiet as he noticed Guest’s clenched fists. “You left your child? Your daughter?”

007n7 looked shocked, like he couldn’t imagine someone doing that.  

“She wasn’t really my daughter. She was my creation–it’s… different.” Shedletsky lifted his hands in an attempt to soothe the rising number of people upset with him.

“No, it really wasn’t. I saw how they looked at you. They wanted nothing more than to be loved by you.” As Builderman said this, it all came rushing back. Memories of 1x looking at Telamon with their sword in hand, bruised and bloodied but waiting eagerly for something. Memories of 1x as an infant, held in Telamon’s arms as the god looked at 1x with curiosity. Memories of 1x learning how to crawl, to walk, to talk… Memories of Telamon laying a sleeping toddler in their crib, and leaning over that crib to do nothing but brush a finger along the cheek lined with baby fat. Builderman felt tears coming to his eyes as he remembered raising John, who was his creation, sure, but John was his son.

He blinked away his tears and felt his throat become syrupy with the unwanted emotions arising at the thought of John, his son, learning how to walk.

“You were their father, even if you don’t want to admit it. Don’t tell me you suddenly forgot all those times you carried them to bed, or you tucked them in when they were scared. Don’t tell me you forgot about that time you actually worried–and I stress this because you didn’t care about anything as Telamon!–about if you weren’t doing it correctly. I know that being a god made you bipolar and abusive, but you were their father.”

Shedletsky opened his mouth as his eyebrows furrowed, but Guest interrupted whatever he was about to say–”If you don’t tell us exactly what you did, I’m going to have to punch you in the face.”

Guest’s voice seemed level as he said this, but his shoulders seemed tense and his mouth seemed permanently furrowed into a frown.

“Fine! Fine, okay?” Shedletsky threw his hands up. “There’s no point. 1x got a virus, so I sealed them in one of the banland’s chambers for glitches.”

Silence settled over the room as they processed the information.

Jane covered her mouth with her hand as she did the math. Builderman saw Noob push his face into Elliot’s shoulder. Guest sat down as though the weight of the information no longer allowed him to stand up.

Nobody wants to imagine a kid that young being sealed.

“Were they ten or eleven when you sealed them?” 007n7 asked, breaking the silence. Maybe the age struck too close to home, because his own kid was only ten.

“They had just turned eleven. I noticed the virus on their face and… sealed them.”

007n7’s breath hitched. 1x had been turned into whatever they were now after being sealed.. Builderman could only assume that 007n7 was thinking of his own son, who seemed to be a similar age to 1x when they were locked away.

Builderman was hit with memories of when John turned eleven. He asked for one of StickMasterLuke’s balloons. He wanted to “jump reaaaaaally high!” and “fall suuuuper slow.” They visited Luke’s simulated disaster amusement park and Luke gave John a green balloon. Builderman and Luke had talked while they watched John jump around. When a strong gust of wind from the nearby tornado exhibit blew John a little too hard, and he landed roughly on the ground and scraped his knee, his eyes got a little teary. Builderman remembers walking over to John who was trying to stand up, and picking him up. John held onto him like a koala, and Builderman walked back over to Luke who smiled apologetically and held out a band-aid and an apple.

Then Builderman remembered when John first came to him, worried about the rampant code which had gotten stuck on his arm. Builderman remembers losing sleep worrying about his son, and his daughter-in-law, and the safety of Roblox. He remembers trying to help lessen John’s pain and prevent the code from spreading. He remembers holding Jane when the code began spreading onto his neck–it would soon control his body.

He remembers holding John’s hand as they were both suddenly teleported into this hellscape.

He couldn’t imagine leaving John to rot to the virus, alone and locked away in the banlands.

“But I’m trying to change! Can’t you see that?” Shedletsky’s hands were shaking as he moved them around. He was sitting upright and leaning forward, like his body refused to relax. “Doesn’t that mean anything?”

He’s not changing to help 1x, Builderman thought bitterly, mind still thinking of eleven-year-old John’s smile, he’s only changing to make himself feel better.

“I hope it means nothing to 1x.” Guest spat out, “If I left my–” his voice cracked, “my own daughter, alone, and cold, and in pain, I would hope that she never forgave me. She should never have to forgive someone who put her through that.”

“1x has hurt us plenty too–and anyway, I’m trying to apologize. I’m trying to make it up to 1x. Doesn’t she deserve an apology?” Shed’s voice fluctuates in volume. His sentences started steady, but got louder and unstable as they finished.

“So why,” Guest leaned forward onto his knees, perfectly capturing the essence of an intimidating father, “have we only just heard of this? Why are we yet to hear you say a single ‘sorry’ to 1x? Why did we have to pry this information out of you?”

Shedletsky was quiet for a moment, then–”I… I don’t know. I just don’t. Is that what you want to hear? I was a terrible father, a terrible person, and I didn’t ever want to think about it. I don’t want to think about it. I’ve been a different person but only by completely ignoring my past, is that what you want to hear?” He reached his hand up to rub his face. “Does it not mean anything to you guys that I’ve been trying to change? I can’t ever go back and change what I’ve done. The only thing I can do is to try and fix who I am now.”

“That’s just the thing,” Guest said, “the past isn’t going to change. What you’ve done will always be there, whether you want it to be or not. You can’t just ignore it and move on. The only way you can properly make up for what you’ve done is to acknowledge what you’ve done and know that 1x may never forgive you.”

Builderman and Guest had talked once about their kids. Guest loved his daughter fiercely, and would protect her with his life. Builderman didn’t ask about Guest’s past, but it was easy to see that Guest was probably in the Great War. Guest talked about how amazing it was to see his daughter grow up in a world where she wasn’t afraid to be herself–where she wasn’t hurt for things she couldn’t control.

Maybe being so far from his own daughter elevated his parental emotions, because Guest seemed to be taking Shed’s wrongdoings personally.

However, Builderman couldn’t help but agree. If he had hurt John like how Shed had hurt 1x, he would hope that John would run far away and never come back. Any good parent wouldn’t want their child to be placed in further danger, even if it meant that their relationship could never be rekindled.

Builderman also wasn’t in Shed’s situation. Maybe a part of him always would want a relationship with his son, even if it was painful. Maybe Shed really did want to try and be a good father. It was too messy to think about–John wasn’t 1x, and Builderman wasn’t Shedletsky.

And Shedletsky was trying not to be Telamon.

Shed’s eyes had a serious look to them as he started again, “If I could go back, I would never do it again. I know 1x doesn’t have to forgive me. I don’t even know if I want forgiveness, in all honesty.” Shed swallowed and looked down. “I want to be a better person.”

Builderman felt his eyes twitch in an emotion he couldn’t quite place. Yes, he understood how and why Shed was so desperate for change–he was there when Shed threw away his old name and identity.

“And-and, look,” Shed seemed reanimated, fluttering his hands up, “1x is able to respond to me. Whatever entity controls the other killers just lets her go loose. That’s why she was able to talk with me. Wouldn’t it be worth it if 1x was calmer? Less murderous? If we could actually communicate with the others and see what they do between rounds?”

Shed continued talking, “I know you guys don’t agree with me, and you might hate me now, but we are in this together. At the end of the day, isn’t our goal to leave this place and reunite with our loved ones? Huh?”

That got a couple nods around the room, but Guest still seemed wary. Builderman felt the same–what would making 1x happier really do for any of them? Sure, 1x was able to stop and talk, but she always killed them anyway. 1x took pleasure in killing Shedletsky.

For some reason, Builderman was reminded of when John was 19. John had just broken up with his first girlfriend, was working two part-time jobs, and was still living with Builderman while trying to figure out his life. John had come home from one of his jobs, taken his shoes off, and broke down crying on the floor. I’m lonely, and confused, John had cried, and I’m exhausted all the time.

John had been raised by Builderman. Builderman felt like he was polite, a bit blunt, and hard-working. He always tried to raise John in a way that he believed was right, so John’s personality reflected that. Even at John’s lowest, when Builderman had to help him stand up and shower because he had no energy, John apologized and thanked Builderman.

1x was only a reflection of who raised her. She knew no better way to release her feelings than how Telamon used to–fighting. While the Heights Telamon resided on (and by relation, 1x as well) didn’t allow for permanent death, it certainly allowed for pain. It was a violent place where people would go on occasion to let off steam. Telamon was a being of pure fury, and 1x was his impressionable creation looking to please.

Even if Builderman didn’t like it, if he was thinking with 1x’s best interest, it really was important for 1x to learn that Shedletsky was sorry.

So he looked up at Shed, who was still looking around frantically, waiting for someone’s approval, and nodded. “I agree with Shedletsky. We should be trying our best to forge any peace we can.”

Most of the room agreed, as they usually did when Builderman talked.

“However,” and this was something Builderman refused to budge on, “we are going to help. You have no clue what you’re doing.”

Shedletsky nodded.

Chapter Text

Noli was looking around at everyone in the room with a wild look in his eyes.

Personally, 1x was a little confused at how fast the conversation switched. She wasn’t upset, though. Talking about herself was something she wasn’t used to doing, much less with the bunch of weirdos she was stuck with. When everything got to be too much and she found herself thinking too hard about the time she spent chained down, she liked to be alone in her room or in the surrounding forest. It felt like everyone did a complete switch in how they saw her. Doombringers arm was across the back of her shoulders and while normally she would’ve stabbed him for this, losing his warmth now that she had it was something she didn’t want to have to deal with, especially since she didn’t have to deal with it.

The weirdest thing is that John normally hated even talking to her. She’s not the best at making friends, but she knows that look people get when they don’t like her, and John had it a lot.

It was a look she saw more than any other.

But here John was, sitting next to her.

Everything felt so fresh right now. Her mind felt clear, in a way she never thought it could. She had spent the last few months thinking of nothing but her time spent trapped. Thinking about the before made her upset.

There were a lot of changes in the months before she was sealed away. Telamon met a woman that he admired greatly–Brighteyes. 1x could never forget, because she both longed and despised when the woman was with them.

Telamon was a different person around Brighteyes. When she was close, Telamon never swatted at 1x or glared, or any of the other things that 1x didn’t like to think about.

“...Telamon?”

A hand, reaching out. Eyes widening–to cradle her face? Brush her hair aside? Her hopeful thoughts were cut off. The large hand grabbed her face, the palm pushing her nose painfully. The firm claws on each finger grasped around the sides of her face and began to clench down onto the soft parts of her cheek.

She felt her neck strain and her face pinch together and the hand began to lift like a claw machine. Her hands grabbed onto the large wrist out of nothing more than instinct, even though she knew nothing angered Telamon more in these moments than her touch.

The wings that laid behind her ears echoed a sickening crunch. The bones were fragile and seemed to break every time she interacted with an upset Telamon. She wished they didn’t exist, because those wings did nothing but hurt. Their original purpose was to protect her ears from the winds when there were rapid changes in elevation, but since Telamon had deemed it a disgrace for her wings to spread, her wings had never felt flight.

She felt her feet leave the ground as Telamon lifted her up more. His palm made it hard to breathe and her hyperventilation didn’t help her feel any better. She felt her body move back as Telamon thrust his arm forward.

The back of her head smashed into a wall. There would’ve been a sound to accompany it, but she heard nothing but ringing. Telamon released her and she crumbled onto the ground.

Her ankle landed weird. The room seemed darker than before. Her eyelashes felt heavy. Her head hurt.

She tried to look up at Telamon, but all she saw was his back.

Like she said, 1x didn’t like thinking about the before. It seemed that every year she got older, Telamon disliked her more and more. There were days where he would beckon her and dote on her in a way. He would run his fingers through her hair and heal any wounds she had. He would cup her face between his hands and pinch at the baby fat she had. His smile wouldn’t show any teeth. It was soft, like he really cared about her.

Looking back, she hated those moments the most. They were confusing. She didn’t understand how someone could switch like that depending on their mood.

She sometimes looked at Coolkid, the youngest of them, and tried to imagine something that would anger her into hurting him. She could imagine maybe pinching his cheek, or ruffling his hair. Coolkid was a freak, but he was still good.

She tried to understand how it would be possible to go from hugging Coolkid one day to slapping him across the face the next. She thought of his father, 007n7. 1x heard about how much Coolkid loved his dad, and all of the things that he loved doing with his father.

She heard Bluudud talk about missing his mom, and playing games with her. Have these kids ever been hit before? 1x would think. Did I think this way about Telamon?

She wanted nothing but Telamon’s approval most days. Most days before she was locked away, that is. If she were to be separated from Telamon before that fateful day, would she miss the times he was kind? Or would she rejoice in not having to figure out how to find an ice pack every night?

When she saw Noli in front of her, talking about how she was important for their grand escape plan, she felt weird. Nobody ever really considered her important or necessary. Telamon trained her, but not to succeed him. Only to not embarrass him. Nobody ever called on her in necessity.

“Since 1x can talk in the rounds, we could talk to everyone. Communicating with them could help to escape, not even talking about how nice it would be to talk to our old friends.” Noli’s confident voice interrupted her thoughts.

1x saw Azure sit up a little more from where he was kneeling in front of her. Azure had once talked a little bit about his connection with Two Time in the past, but seemed more upset with their present situation (constantly killing each other) than whatever went down between the two. His eyes always seemed distant when he would lament about how miserable the mind control would make him. He seemed tired of having his mind played with.

“The survivors might not even know that we regain our sanity. Do you guys understand? There’s a pretty good chance they know we aren’t ourselves, but they don’t know that we’re still here. If they know that, we, I don’t know,” Noli’s tongue seemed to struggle to catch up with how fast he was talking, “They don’t know! Okay? Don’t you guys want to talk with them? Since we can all watch the screen, whatever they want us to hear can be said during other rounds. Even if this isn’t how we escape, necessarily, right, it would be a step in the right direction.”

Six, who was holding onto Noli’s shoulder, nodded slowly, and began to speak, “No, yeah. This could be really nice. I don’t want Noob to think I’m just a monster. You guys have seen how I look in the rounds.” 1x had. He didn’t seem human. “I’m not a monster. Please, 1x.”

Suddenly, the focus point returned to her. Oh, she remembered, Noli was trying to convince me to do something so all of this could happen.

Noli stepped towards her (which she didn’t enjoy, but she was already sitting so close to Doombringer and John, so what difference did it make?) and continued speaking, “1x, telling the other survivors is important, but the most important thing is to talk to 007n7. The other two are okay as well, I suppose, but their minds seem a bit off and they’re almost never in the rounds.”

Then Noli took another step and grabbed both of her hands between his? Azure had moved out of the way as Noli moved closer, and 1x wished he hadn’t. 1x hadn’t touched other people in a friendly manner in quite a long time. Ignoring Doombringer and John next to her and their touches which haven’t quite registered because she was overwhelmed, this was weird. Noli’s hands were warm and it was weird. People didn’t just touch her.

She ripped her hands out of his and pushed him further away from her. He continued talking as though this didn’t happen. “1x, will you do this? You can kill Shed if you want, and probably the other survivors too. It might actually be necessary, so whatever keeps us here doesn’t get suspicious, yeah?”

Noli could keep talking, but 1x was still upset over how he grabbed her hands. She pulled her hands to her chest and tensed her legs, so her feet were pointed with her toes pushed on the ground. It was frustrating that Noli touched her in the first place, but it was more frustrating that she seemed to care more than he did about it. Today was just an upsetting day.

John nudged her arm, and she looked over at him with one of the dirtiest glares she could muster. His neutral face shifted into something kinder (Why that is, 1x didn’t know) and he took one of her wrists. Fighting the urge to swat him in the face, she let her arm be handled. His fingers pried hers apart and he shifted her arm so it was palm-up.

He did nothing other than drop her stone back into her hand.

It was just as warm as it was earlier.

This whole thing was…!

1x felt the back of her throat burn in that way it did before tears began swelling up in her eyes. She swallowed hard and curled her fingers over that warmth in her hand. Bringing the hand up to her chest and allowing the warmth to envelop her, she felt a mixture of things.

It felt as though every part of the world which she grew to understand was crumbling around her.

She lowered her head a little bit and let her bangs cover her eyes. She felt Doombringers arm tighten where it was laid across her shoulders and she tried not to think about anything else.

Then she heard–and felt–Doom’s low voice begin to argue back. “Noli, this is a completely different situation from your exploits. You, of all people, should know that this is a dangerous route. And what’s to say it’ll even work? We have absolutely no ownership in this server. Those GUIs can do a maximum of like, 5 things, and they’re all to do with whoever is using the GUI.” His voice rumbled into her chest because of how close their bodies were to each other. “You might have graduated college, but you didn’t see all the things I saw. Exploits go bad all the time.”

“I know exploits can go wrong.” Noli growled, suddenly serious, “How do you think I got here? I was going after that stupid Voidstar and thought my own code would protect me. I know there are some things that I can’t do. What I will say is that this is our only hope. And stop bringing up ownership and perms–I’ve told you before, I can work around those. And with how the GUIs can only impact the user, well… That’s…”

“Dangerous? Could put the kids in serious danger? Could be connected to their base code?”

“No! I mean, yes, but we would just have to be careful. Doom, you can hate all my exploits after we get out of here. I know you’ll never approve of them and I’m not asking for approval about exploits so get your head out of there. Think about it! We are stuck here, Doom. We haven’t had any signs that we are getting out. Whatever’s here controls our minds and has us kill people.” Noli paused and went still. “Whatever’s here likes to see us in pain. I want to get out of here. Don’t you?”

1x felt Doom’s hand tighten on her arm. “I do.”

“So? Will you guys do this with me?” Noli suddenly exploded with movement, flinging his arms up. “I have code written down on paper that could work, or at least some ideas. I’ve been looking at what the GUIs are capable of doing and, well! I have some ideas for how we could at least increase the time between rounds or quicken the timer within them, and I also–”

Noli’s voice was steadily increasing in pace and volume, and Six interrupted him for a moment to say, “Noli, we’re all listening. Calm down.”

Apparently, telling someone to calm down didn’t really calm them down because Noli turned his whole body to face Six and started shaking him back and forth. “Calm down? Calm down?! Six!!! You!!! Ahh!!”

Noli seemed a bit overwhelmed, and 1x could honestly say she related. Maybe they should table this subject and come back for it when they were all calmer. But I doubt that’ll actually happen, she thought angrily, since Noli seems to have more to say.

“Ah, but you guys should know that the kids are going to need to be included in this. It’ll be too difficult to do all of this and keep them out of the loop. They aren’t as dumb as you guys think.”

This seemed to piss off quite a few people, 1x noted, but couldn’t understand why.

What will telling them change? These kids were old enough to know the truth of their actions, even if whatever was keeping them here played with their minds a lot. 1x was accustomed to seeing people die brutal and painful deaths before she had learned to hold a sword.

“No. The kids are ignorant but at least they’re happy.” John spoke up, apparently not pleased with this new development.

1x wracked her brain for some sort of explanation as to why they didn’t want to tell the kids. It would make communication easier and it would ensure that the kids could help and understand the urgency of the situation. It would help them to know how important it was that they’re serious and don’t mess around with their GUIs.

Plus, she hated being out of the loop more than anything, and the kids probably did too. She always wanted to be included in whatever Telamon was talking about. She wanted to be in those conversations. She wanted so badly to be blessed with the knowledge that would be necessary in order to participate with the adults.

“That’s just the thing, the kids aren’t as ignorant as you guys tend to think.” Noli’s face twisted into a scowl. “I spend more time with them than all of you guys. They know that they’re trapped. Do you think that kids at a summer camp aren’t aware when they’re not home? When they can’t leave? They’re smarter than you guys give them credit for. They miss their parents and ask me all the time when they get to go home.”

“Our priority is getting them home as fast as possible. At their ages, what, 11? 13? It’s really important for their development that they are in the proper environment.” Doombringer swallowed awkwardly and looked at 1x.

1x glowered at him.

Doombringer looked away from her and continued talking, “They should be with their parents or in school. They always ask me about their parents or friends. They don’t just want to play… tag for months on end without anything in between. Not to mention that none of us really know how to interact with them and they spend too much time on their own.”

“I’m not even necessarily saying that we have to tell them that they aren’t playing tag, okay?” Noli’s shoulders slumped with ease, maybe because he felt like he had the majority of people on his side at this point, “but they need to know that they’re trapped along with us. They know we aren’t telling them some stuff.”

Slasher huffed loudly and placed his hand on Noli’s shoulder and nodded. Slasher was dressed casually, with his mask pushed up into his hair and his normal outfit substituted for a t-shirt. His arms were covered in scars and his face was distorted, like something had blown up next to it. 1x remembered the first time she saw a bomb blow up near someone’s face, and the pattern of injuries across Slasher’s face and arms (and probably on his torso as well) matched her memory.

Slasher was a curious guy. He never talked but only knew military sign language. Doombringer was the only person who was able to translate, but even then it was barely anything. Military didn’t create sign language that let people convey complex ideas and Slasher certainly had some. Their communication was stilted with Slasher, but he made do by writing. He wrote a lot, but always seemed frustrated in moments like these where vocal conversation was important. It could be that talking hurt or that he lost his ability to–which was very likely, considering all of the scars covering his body.

1x didn’t know him that well. Only that he didn’t like Guest 1337. Six and Slasher had some issues in the first month they were here, but they had gone on a walk for several hours before returning as something that wasn’t quite friends, but it certainly wasn’t enemies.

Six always seemed a bit wary of him when he had the mask on, but when Slasher took it off and dressed casually, seeming like nothing more than a damaged Bacon, Six would look at him with wide eyes and a faintly sad expression.

People were so complicated, 1x thought.

Noli’s voice brought her back to the conversation, saying, “Do we want to call the kids in here or go to them?”

John shifted unhappily next to 1x. Azure stood up from where he knelt near her.

“We should go to them.” Azure said in a soft tone, because Azure always seemed to have a soft tone when speaking about the kids. Despite Azure being quite obvious in his dislike of 1x and her tendency to kill the survivors, it was always Azure who would place food down in front of her door when she refused to eat with the rest of the people in the cabin. Maybe it was because they both seemed afflicted with similar pains. Their skin was a dark, unnatural black. Their eyes were solid and glowed and their mouths were cursed with some sort of zipper mechanism (which thankfully has never been utilized by any of the other killers in an argument.) Their hands were rough and sharp, their legs composed of hard lines and no graceful curves.

In the first week they came here, as much as 1x hates to admit it, she looked up to Azure. He seemed untouchable. Where she was green, he was purple. Where she had chains and scars and swords, he had flowers and these heavy appendages attached to his back. Azure gave her two pairs of sweatpants, which she wore to this day. She may not have the body of a person, but she held the same standards of one.

Azure’s back was to 1x. When Azure started walking out of the room, Noli hopped on alongside Azure. People started to follow, and 1x was happy because it meant she could go leave to be in her room, but when John stood up he had her arm in his grip.

She weakly tried to tug it back, motioning that she was going to leave them. This normally was good news.

He gave her this funny look, like something between a smile and utter confusion, then continued to drag her to follow him. 1x bit her lip as she considered her options. She was pretty certain John would let her go if she tugged hard enough or if she just punched him in the face.

But then where would she be?

So she just kept walking with that tight warmth acting like a band around her arm.

As they approached the kids’ room, she could hear the faint murmurings of Noli and Azure telling them that they needed to talk.

1x finally entered the room behind John and saw the kids were all sitting down on the floor, looking up at everyone. Pretty saw 1x walk in and seemed to get stars in her eyes–eugh. That girl always wanted to braid 1x’s hair or put make-up on her.

Azure sat down in front of the kids and gestured for the others to sit down as well. 1x thought this was a strange decision, but also thought that if she was sat down on the floor while everyone else towered over her, that would be weird.

It wasn’t like the kids were small or anything. Their bodies were mutated and enlarged, their spines curving outward and their demonic heritage enhanced to give them sharp cheekbones and horns. Coolkid’s tail was sharp, Bluudud’s teeth were… impossible, and Pretty’s unnatural proportions were proof of how they were changed. However, it seemed they hadn’t noticed?

The only other killer taller than the kids was Doombringer, and that man was massive. These kids definitely had something messing with their head, 1x decided.

“So, we just wanted to talk with you guys about how we can go home, and get out of this place.” Noli started. He continued, saying, “You see, we’re stuck here too and don’t want to be here anymore. We need your help to get out–your GUIs.”

Coolkid grabbed his tail and seemed nervous, looking over to Bluudud, who scoffed. “Our GUIs do nothing, bro. We can barely open them outside of the games, and only Pretty knows any actual code.”

Pretty smirked at that, and began to speak, “Me and Bluudud both started learning, but our GUIs use slightly different code than what school teaches. My mom was showing me how to code so I could help fix stuff with her, but that’s all I know.”

“Um,” Coolkid started, “how could we even go home? Could we stop playing tag? I’m kind of bored of it. I miss my dad, and I don’t know if he really wants to play tag anymore either.”

“Yeah, I want to talk to my mom. Can we do that before we go? I really want to talk with her. I miss my friends. We were going to play baseball together before we got here. I miss my dog.” Bluudud rambled on a little bit, then stopped suddenly. “Is my mom stuck here too?”

“Yeah, I wanna see my mom. She was gonna get married soon, I think. I was going to be her flower girl.” Pretty sulked. “We would play knights all the time, but we can’t play knights here. It’s always tag or hide and seek. I don’t even like those games.”

“The lady at my daycare is probably missing me,” Coolkid mentioned, “She always asked where I went when I missed a day. She was teaching me how to make hand puppets and how to tie my shoes. How do we leave if you’re stuck? Is there a door?”

Woah, 1x thought, I forgot kids had actual lives.

“You don’t have to play tag anymore.” Doom started, “and you can talk to your parents. You just can’t touch them okay? And if you end up playing tag anyway, that’s okay.”

“Why can’t we touch them?” Bluudud’s eyes went wide.

“...You just can’t. They think you tagged them.”

Bluudud seemed suspicious of this but didn’t push anymore.

“I miss some people on the… hiders team too.” Six said, “Noob, the guy who wears a blue shirt and green pants, he’s my friend. But whenever one of the game starts, my body changes and I have no choice but to play tag. I don’t really like tag, and Noob probably doesn’t.”

It was silent for a moment, like nobody was happy to replace these awful killing games with the idea of tag.

Noli wiggled in place a little bit, then ended up blurting, “Tag sometimes hurts the hiders.”

None of the kids seemed too shocked. Shameful would be a better word.

Bluudud looked at Coolkid, then at Pretty. “We know. It’s… We’ve played tag before we were here, and other games. Sometimes, the game that we’re playing here seems… different. I feel different. It feels like my arms are longer and I'm taller than I’ve ever been. And the people don’t seem happy. The grass is red, and my hands are too.”

Bluudud looked up at them, his eyebrows furrowed. “What’s going on? I know you guys think we’re dumb, and, well, Coolkid probably is,” Coolkid huffed a little laugh, “but I… I want to know. Are we hurting them? Are we playing tag at all? What are we?”

Pretty pushed the palm of her hand underneath her eye, like she was tearing up but not quite.

The room was quiet for a moment. 1x thought it was so weird that the all powerful being that brought admins and hackers and previous gods here and limited their ability but wasn’t able to have complete control over the brains of these kids. Bluudud was 13. 1x thought for a moment of what it felt like to be 13, then quickly tried to forget.

She looked over at John and saw his face was crunched in some sort of emotion. His eyebrows were furrowed (as much as they could be over his distorted face) and his mouth seemed tense, with the corners downturned. His jaw was tilted downward and seemed clenched. He reached up to pinch his nose bridge and rub at his eyes, then he settled his gaze on 1x for some reason.

His eyes lost their hardness for a moment, and 1x had half a mind to feel insulted about that.

If 1x had to guess, he was struggling with figuring out how to tell the kids that they were brutally killing their parents every time they played tag with them. It was a weird struggle, because he could just tell them exactly that.

It was Azure who finally spoke up, saying, “You aren’t playing tag.” Azure swallowed thickly, shifting his feet to something more steady, “and you don’t look like how you used to.”

Pretty burst out into tears, and Bluudud set an awkward hand on her leg, then looked back at them. “How… How can we go home?”

“That’s something we’re trying to figure out. We might be able to use your GUIs to figure a way out, but you guys will have to help us. 1x here keeps her mind in the rounds, so we were going to have her talk to one of your parents and ask for some help.” Azure’s simple terms seemed to appease the kids as much as they could be appeased. Coolkid had a distant look in his eyes.

“But,” Coolkid spoke up, “what can we do? I don’t want to hurt my dad. I don’t want to. Whenever I don’t want to play tag, it feels like somethings telling me that I really really want to play, so I do. Am I going to have to hurt more people?”

Azure bit his lip, and Noli stepped forward with all the confidence of a student being faced with a test they haven’t studied for.

“Probably. We all have to as well. You kids aren’t alone in this. I don’t want to do the things I do in those rounds any more than you do. But you guys can’t think that it’s honestly you doing these things–do you think that Six would ever want to hurt someone?” Noli said.

The kids shook their heads ‘no’ as they glanced at Six. 1x hadn’t seen any interactions between them, but she also didn’t really see any interactions with the kids because she didn’t like to see any of the others.

Noli started again, “Whatever is keeping us here is going to be suspicious if we do anything too big, like not participating in the rounds. If you kids stop behaving how it wants, it might try and brainwash you again.”

“What I said earlier,” Six suddenly said, “is still true. I’m not playing tag, and I don’t think I am, but I still hurt my friend. I turn into something big and monstrous. I am not myself. When we are in those rounds, we don’t get to choose who we hurt and who we don’t. We’re just turned into these mindless beings.”

Bluudud’s eyes seemed big and shiny, 1x thought. What happened to trying to sugarcoat these things?

John spoke up as well. “My wife is on the other side. I would rather die than hurt her, but I don’t get a choice. This code–” he gestures to his heavy, dragging arm on the side of his body, “--begins to take over my brain. I have no memories of what happens in those rounds. I only know what I’m told. I don’t want to hurt people–I don’t want to hurt my wife.”

John’s breath hitched, but he quickly schooled his expression back into something that wouldn’t upset the kids.

“How come 1x,” Pretty started, but hiccuped, “can talk to them in the rounds?”

1x’s eyes widened as she suddenly realized that she was, in fact, in the room and a part of this conversation.

Her mouth opened and quickly closed. She took a step back, like she was making to flee. John grabbed onto her arm again and she looked at him.

“We don’t know.” Azure said, which wasn’t really wrong. “But does it really matter?”

1x was still looking at John. Why did he keep touching her? Why did he not want her to leave?

She was still the same person who killed his wife–who killed innocent people. She was brutal in rounds and at times reveled in the feeling of being powerful. Of being the one in control, of having no chains holding her down.

All of the conversations were frustrating because they kept including her. She wanted to just listen and pretend she didn’t exist. 1x wanted to fade into the background and continue living how she always had–alone and letting time pass her by. She wanted to stomp on the ground and run away. She wanted to punch John in the face and stab herself again. She wanted to leave this room and get away from all these eyes–

From John’s piercing stare, which was so different from anything she’d ever known.

She felt her molars grind against each other. Her arms tensed and in her palm she felt the warm stone begin to make dents on the sides of her hand which were holding onto it.

If John didn’t let her go in the next 10 seconds, she was going to do something violent.

Her intense stare didn’t seem to register to John, but it must’ve meant something to Slasher, who’s hands quickly took John’s grip off of her arm.

1x took another step back, and she could barely register Slasher shooing away everyone’s looking eyes back to their conversation as he walked her out of the room.

As Slasher closed the door behind him and 1x, she could hear their talking start up again and felt another rush of rage flow through her. What if they were talking about her?

Slasher waved in front of her face and gestured toward the front door.

Okay. 1x liked the outdoors. She didn’t have any solid opinion of Slasher, but appreciated his silence whether it was his choice or not.

She walked outside with him and found herself wishing for weather other than dark night or a dreary, gray fog everywhere. She sat down on one of the wooden stairs that led up to the cabin. It always looked cold outside. She saw Slasher pull his jacket on as he walked out. 1x wished she remembered what cold air felt like against warm skin.

Slasher sat close to her, but wasn’t touching her. He pulled out his notebook and began to write. The scratching sounds of his charcoal pencil against the paper were something she was able to focus on as she felt her mind begin to drift to that comfortable place where she felt nothing.

1x couldn’t tell you how long she was sitting there with her eyes closed while she heard the leaves rustle and the scrrtchh shhrtt of Slasher’s writing.

With the warm stone against her chest, she could almost pretend that the sun was beating down on her.

Slasher tapped the wood she was sitting on and she opened her eyes to look at him. He had his notebook open in his hands, and held it out to her. She grabbed it and looked at the words, mentally crossing her fingers that she still knew how to read well enough to understand whatever he was trying to say to her.

“You and I do not come from too different of places,” his words started. “I was in a war for 3 years. My cause was not something I cared for–I fought more for what my people believed in than any specific belief of my own. We fought against those who called themselves Guests. I grew up believing they were evil. It was just a fact of my life. I grew up learning how to fight. I was raised to be a soldier. I was raised to hate the enemy. War is ugly. I do not know how the war ended or what occurred–I was taken prisoner in only my 3rd battle. One of my companions stepped on a landmine, and it took me out. The Guests had given me medical care and placed me in a camp. Do not think this a kindness. I remained in that location for 3 years, and my only escape was death. I will not speak of it any more than this.”

1x made to turn the page, and looked at Slasher. He wasn’t looking at her, but was looking into the woods as she was.

“I had a friend in that terrible place. He reminds me of you. You remind me of him. You remind me of myself. There is no solid point I am trying to get across to you. You should simply know that you are not alone.”

1x handed the notebook back to Slasher. Whatever emotions were trying to invade her heart were ones that she would have to think about when she was alone and could be completely honest with herself. She did have a few questions for Slasher though, “Is that war why you didn’t like Six at the beginning? And why you don’t like the Guest on the other side?”

Slasher began to write once more, and 1x took the time she was given to think for a moment. It was nice to know that she wasn’t the only person who had been trapped. If his escape was death, then why didn’t she try that when she was stuck? Maybe he was more desperate than her, or maybe she just didn’t want to die. She couldn’t even remember if she had, at one point, attempted her escape that way. She very well might have, but it wasn’t successful regardless.

Knowing that Slasher also came from a violent childhood made her feel like less of a maniacal murderer. If things weren’t occurring on the heights, she didn’t know about them. She knew what a war was, but had never seen one. What did it mean to Slasher that he was raised a solider? If he looked at 1x’s childhood, was she raised a solider? If so, what war was she meant to be fighting? Why did she have to learn how to fight and kill–if not to win on the Heights?

Could the Heights be considered a battle? Could her relationship with Telamon be a war?

War is ugly, Slasher had written. The Heights were ugly. They were bloody and gruesome and painful. There was a very good chance that people went there for no other reason than to kill others. Did that happen in war as well? Were there soldiers who delighted in killing?

Her thoughts were cut off by Slasher tapping the wood next to her again. She grasped the notebook and began to read.

“Yes, Six and I didn’t like each other at first because of this war. Guest 1337 was a war hero for the Guests. There will always be some part of me that hates him, even if he had nothing directly to do with my imprisonment. In fact, the only time I ever am mildly aware of my actions is when I am fighting him. Instead of the regular fog taking over my mind, I am reminded of my worst moment, and instead become clouded by my own hatred for the man and what he represents for me.”

Slasher left a blank line so he could begin his next line of thought.

“When I came here and I came across Six, I was overcome with fear and attacked him. My voice no longer works. I do not think it will come back even if all physical issues are resolved. I could not verbally tell him our issues, so his only choice was to assume I hated him. This assumption was true, but at the same time it was not. I was never relaxed around him, and he was never calm around me. I was always waiting for something painful to occur and he was always waiting for me to snap and attack him. When we found those notebooks and paper within the basement, I spent two days writing down all that I could to explain myself to him–we were stuck in this place together, and we needed to come to an understanding. That is when we went on our walk outside of the cabin. Perhaps I will always be scared of him. Perhaps I will be scared and aggressive toward all Guests.

1x1x1x1, this is why you remind me of myself. Do you understand?

You may always be angry. You may always be aggressive. You may always be scared. I will not pretend to know the extent of your pain and what you have seen and endured. What I do know is that I hold no ill intent against you. I do not blame you for what you do in those rounds. Where we are not now is not where you once were.”

1x’s eyes were welling up with tears against her will.

She looked over at Slasher, who was once again staring out into the forest, his gaze distant. Maybe his words affected him as well. She closed the notebook and set it between them, letting her eyes drift toward the trees again.

Inexplicably, this whole interaction made her want to see the sun more than ever. She wondered if Slasher wanted to see it as well–if he’d like to see it with her.