Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Lunchtime

"Jake never wants to hang out with us anymore." Drew waited for Jake to come to their table for lunch, picking at his food.

"Yeah, seems like it. I wonder what's taking him so long." Liam thought out loud.

"I bet he likes that music nerd!" Henry laughed. Drew rolled his eyes at him. Henry and Liam have been making jokes recently about Jake liking his bandmate, due to all the time they've been spending together, but Drew never found them funny.

Liam saw Drew's reaction and egged him on further. "Yes, he's spending all those late nights apart from you with her." He phrased it as if they were married and Jake was cheating, "They'll be writing really cringey lyrics to a really bad song, and then, after a terrible buildup..." He acted out dramatically,

"They kiss! And then Jake will realize he likes the freak, and will break up with you for her!" He finished the story as if it was a Shakespearian tragedy.

"Shut up, Liam." Drew looked at his watch, then at his phone because he couldn't bother to translate the minute hand of the clock. "How long's he gonna be there for?" he complained.

"Well Drew," Henry said, drawing out the vowels, "If you're really so worried about your boyfriend," he said jokingly, "--we can go in and check on him." Drew ignored Henry's joke.

"That may not be a bad idea, Henry." Liam said. "A rare one for you." He continued teasingly.

"Hey, what does that mean!" Henry said.

"You know what that means." Liam teased.

"Whatever, let's go." Drew said, and the three made their way to the music club room.

"--Careful though, Sterling, I might just surprise you and steal the spotlight." Hailey said as the three boys snuck up to the room. Well, two--Drew walked normally.

"Oh, is that a challenge, Austin?" Jake teased.

"Hey, Jakey!" Henry said, him and Liam poking their heads into the room. Drew then walked in, ignoring the two.

"Oh, uh, hey guys! What are you doing here?" Jake said, getting up from his seat, surprised.

"Just seeing what you're up to," Drew said, standing by the door. "You spend an awful lot of time in here, after all, and you never invite us in."

"Yeah, why don't you show us this 'angelic' voice of yours for once?" Liam teased. Jake shrugged at Hailey, and Henry walked over to the table they were at.

"Oooh, is that what you're singing?" Henry said, reaching his head to try to read the lyrics on the open book, but Hailey snatched it away from him quickly.

"Ahem. Jake? We're sort of busy here, remember?" Hailey reminded him.

"Oh, uh, yeah, right," Jake remembered. "Hey, uh, sorry guys, I'm a little busy right now."

Drew rolled his eyes, "God, you're always busy. Haven't you rehearsed enough for this stupid competition?" He said, clearly annoyed. He couldn't believe the amount of time Jake put into this, and all for what? Daisy?

Yeah, all for Daisy. Right?

'It's got to.' Drew thought.

"Well, we had a change of plans, so we have new stuff to go over--" Jake was then cut off by Henry.

"Hey guys! Check this out!" He said, laughing and smashing his hands on the keyboard loudly.

"Hey, get off that!" Hailey said.

Liam laughed loudly, but Drew was unamused. "Hey wait, let me join in!" Liam said, walking over to the drum set and hitting random parts of the drums like a madman. The combination of the two was dissonant at best.

"Jake, could you please do something about them?" Hailey pleaded.

"Why are you so angry? The instruments are there to be... played on, aren't they?" Drew asked, smiling. For some reason unknown to Drew, seeing Hailey angry made him feel better.

"Not by the likes of you buffoons!" Hailey exclaimed.

"Hey, uh, guys, you sound great but... Could you please stop?" Jake said, trying to mediate the clash between his friend groups.

Liam did one last hit on the cymbal with an unamused face. "I didn't realize this was a fun-free zone, jeez... Is this what you have to put up with, Jake?"

"She probably doesn't know how to have a laugh, since she's so uptight all the time." said Drew. "I'd hate being around that." He said, looking to the side, and his parents popped into his head before he was brought back to reality.

"Huh, funny that, maybe there's a reason I'm uptight around you jerks." Hailey said, tired, "Now if you don't mind, get out."

"Damn! We barely did... anything." Drew said. "We're allowed to come say hi to our friend. Don't act important just because he's your singer," he said, because who had know Jake for longer? Who had gave him a chance in high school? Hailey had done none of that. Hailey didn't even know him, right? Or, not like he did.

"Oh, I'm the one acting important?" Hailey asked.

"Everywhere you go, you reek of insecurity, picking on others just because you want to think you're better than everyone. You can't stand the fact that everyone else in the school is excited for the competition!" She spat, and Drew pretended she was wrong by scoffing.

"The only reason people are going to this competition in the first place is Jake. Sweetie, don't get so cocky." Drew told her.

"You of all people do not get to tell me that--" Hailey said before being cut off by Jake trying to mediate again.

"Guys, stop!" Jake exclaimed. "Look, I'll hang out with you guys later today, we'll catch up then, okay?" He said. "So... Could you leave us?"

Drew and Hailey death stared each other. "Fine, whatever. Have fun with little miss uptight." Drew said, walking away. Henry and Liam followed slowly.

"Uh, well, see you later then, Jake." Drew heard Henry say before walking out the door. "Enjoy your alone time!" He said teasingly.

"Welp, that was mega awkward." Henry said after going out the door.

"Shut up, Henry." Drew tried to say it jokingly, but it came out rude.

"What did I do?" Henry said, imitating the meme.

"Everything, Henry." Liam said teasingly.

"Aww man, didn't think you guys hated me that much..."

 But Drew wasn't focused on what the two idiots were saying anymore. He was only focused on what Jake said, or, no, what he didn't say. No 'I'm sorry''s or 'I'll try to make more time for you guys''s or anything like that. No, it was 'later today'. Did Jake really think he could patch things up by slapping some ice on it like a school nurse? 'Is Jake really starting to dislike me?' Drew wondered. 'God, where'd I mess up?'

But Drew was unsure why he even felt this way; why he was even so annoyed with Jake for something so little in the first place, so he ignored it.

Later that day

Drew hung out near his locker, scrolling on his phone, waiting for Jake, the last one there.

"Ha! I told you he'd show up! You owe me a soda," Liam said, but Drew didn't notice Jake until he spoke:

"Heya."

Drew smiled. "Oh, Jake." Even if he was mad at him, he couldn't help exuding a little excitement. "I'm surprised; you're not ditching us for the music fr--" he stopped himself from completing the name, "...club, for once," but his expression changed to annoy when he thought of Jake and the music club.

Jake sighed, "I said I would come, didn't I?"

"Oh, Jake!" Lia interrupted their conversation, "I'm so glad you're coming, we've got to do this TikTok trend together!"

Lia proceeded to say something about 'two best friends in a room' or something like that, and Drew didn't listen that hard, but he caught that Lia was flirting with Jake. Drew turned to Zoey.

"Alright, you finally ready to leave, Zoey?"

"Just a sec!" She replied, brushing her eyelashes repeatedly or something--Drew couldn't tell--but his attention quickly darted from his girlfriend in the mirror to the picture of them both--smiling and holding hands--right under it. Drew was glad Zoey had liked him when they first met, and that they weren't going to break up any time soon--or at least as long as Drew took her to the mall every now and then.

That would just be horrible.

"Can't you just do that at my place?" Drew asked.

"Beauty is patience, Drewy-bear!"

"I don't think that's how the saying goes..."

"Oh, uh, wait a sec!" Jake said, "I forgot something important in the music room. Gimme a sec."

"Okay, well, we'll be waiting anyway," Drew gestured subtly toward Zoey, who was obviously brushing her eyelashes--or whatever it was--for an unnecessary amount of time, "-so go ahead."

Jake started to walk away and Henry insufferably counted backwards from sixty. He got to negative sixty before Jake came back, in which Drew, annoyed, immediately told him he could shut up.

"Did you get your important thing?" Drew asked Jake.

"Uh, no..." Jake said, and Drew noticed the change of expression on Jake's face. "It doesn't matter, let's... just go."

Everyone followed Jake when he walked past Drew. Drew hesitated--he wanted to ask questions--but he begrudgingly went along like everyone else.

Drew's house

"Heh, looks like I win again!" Drew said victoriously after winning against Jake in the video game they were playing.

"Drew, I'm so bored!" Zoey whined. "Can we do something?"

The smile on Drew's face was quickly replaced with annoyance, "Like what?"

Zoey thought. "Oh, I know!" she exclaimed, "Let's watch that new hybrid-princess movie in your dad's cinema!"

Drew sighed exasperatedly, "Really?"

"Well I'm not sitting here watching you play your stupid games all night!" Zoey complained. "I might as well just go home."

"Alright, alright," Drew said, putting down the controller. "You up for it, Jake?"

Jake snapped out of his own world, "Huh? Oh, uh, sorry. What are we doing?"

Drew sighed. "...Jake."

"Uh, yeah?"

"Just tell us what's up already." Drew said. "You've been sulking ever since we left school; something obviously happened when you went to get that 'thing', right?"

"Uh, Sort of... I guess. look, you guys wouldn't happen to know if..." Jake paused, "Daisy is seeing anyone, right?"

Drew sighed again. "So it's just about Daisy..." he said, rolling his eyes.

"Dude, are you still questioning it after all this time?" Liam said, annoyed, "For the love of Luni, just ask her!"

"No, you don't understand." Jake told him. "Look, I saw her in the music room, with Sean..."

Liam and Henry looked at him like they expected more. "What, were they making out?" The former said.

"No!" Jake said, surprised. "But... they did look pretty close."

Lia and Zoey looked at each other. "Oh..." Zoey said. "Well that explains the other weekend."

Jake turned around. "Wait, what do you mean? What happened the 'other weekend'?"

"Well..." Zoey said, "Me and Lia went shopping w--" she paused, "...and we were passing some place on our way to the next store when we saw Sean and Daisy hanging out, all close and stuff. He even put a flower in her hair!"

"We were so surprised, Lia even snapped a photo of it all!" Zoey finished, and Lia got up to show Jake the picture.

"See?" She said blankly.

"I hate to say it Jake, but it looked like they were on a date." Zoey said. "Looks like your friend got there first."

"-And this is why you shouldn'tve waited to do this dumb competition idea to ask her out." Drew told Jake.

"I... just..." Jake hesitated, "..thought that Sean and Daisy..."

"We would've told you, but we though that Sean guy would've said something. Since you're so chummy or whatever." Lia commented.

"Haven't you made it obvious to them that you like Daisy at this point?" Drew asked. "You don't exactly make it hard for people to figure out."

"W-Well, yeah, I did tell them..." Jake said.

"And he knew? Wow, some friend," Lia rolled her eyes.

"So..." Drew said, "You still doing gonna bother doing this singing thing?"

"Well... Hey, we can't know for sure, right? They might just be friends." Jake tried to reason with himself, "And I... still want to do it..."

Lia rolled her eyes. "Only because you're singing with Hailey."

Drew sat up straighter. "Wait, you're singing with Hailey as well now?!"

"Uh... Well..."

That explained things. Drew tried to look more calm than he was. "What, is she confessing her feelings to Daisy as well?"

 "Ohohoho! Well this just got saucy!" Liam joked, and him and Henry laughed.

Jake sighed, "Yes, I'm singing with Hailey now. We're doing a duet because I wanted to sing with her."

"Because of her stage fright, right?" Lia asked.

"Wait, you know about that?"

"Well, yeah. We all do." Zoey rolled her eyes. "Everyone who went to middle school with her knows."

"I don't get it, Jake," Drew was less focused on Jake's intentions singing with Hailey than he was the fact Jake was singing with Hailey in general. "Are you singing for Daisy, or, Hailey?"

"Uh, for Daisy, of course!" Jake said. "That hasn't changed.."

Lia rolled her eyes. "I don't think Hailey thinks that. She wouldn't stop rubbing the whole duet thing in my face! The moment she you auditioned she knew she could use you; that's all she cared about!"

"That's not true!" Jake immediately retorted. "She accepted me because she thought I was passionate. And she was kind enough to give me a second chance. She told me herself."

Drew got up. "You seriously believe that? Just open your eyes already, Jake." He walked to the door in his room, "Hailey can't sing by herself, so she needs you to. She's clearly a control freak, who wants everything her way, and is using you to get it. Just the way she was earlier today in the music room is proof enough."

Zoey walked over to Drew. "You've got to admit, Jake," she twisted her hair in her hand while leaning on Drew, who shifted uncomfortably at her touch. "She kinda does have you wrapped around her pinky finger. I've got to give her props for being a girlboss, though."

"Not to mention one of the freaks is trying to steal Daisy from you, knowing how much you si-- I mean, feel about her." Henry said.

"Henry's right," Liam agreed, "I mean, she's the whole reason you're doing all this, so, what's the point if this 'Sean' guy gets there first?"

"-And the only reason the school cares about this competition is you, Jake." Drew added. "You're spending all your time doing all of this for them. And what do you get in return?"

Jake looked like he was considering something before he finally spoke. "I joined to sing for Daisy. And that's what I'm gonna do. Whatever they're using me for, I'm not going to let them get in my way."

Drew smiled at him. All he wanted was Jake to be happy, and he knew Jake would be more happy being with Daisy than being some music nerd. Like, how did Jake think he was gonna make money in the future? Did he really think he could make a living off something like that?

"Heck, Hailey can't even sing without me because of her stupid stage fright." Jake went on. "--And they probably wouldn't stand a chance without me. They should be grateful I joined them in the first place!"

"They should've known since the moment I joined that I wouldn't be a music freak."

Zoey laughed. "Damn Jake! Pop off!"

"At least you finally realize it." Drew said with the same smile, walking over to Jake. "Well, if you really think Daisy will give you a shot after this, go for it. It'll be nice to have you back, though. Hanging out like this again once it's over." Drew smiled at Jake.

"Yeah. Me too..."

"Alright. I'll go set up GachaFlix for this movie then, I guess." Drew said.

"Yay! C'mon Lia, let's get good seats!" Said Zoey.

Drew looked back at Jake once before walking out his door, and he was glad things had been settled. He was glad Jake realized he was being used--so the freaks would be more popular--and that he'd come back to hanging out with him soon enough.

Everyone had gone back to their places by now besides Zoey and Lia, the rest of the group not super interested in the Hybrid-Princess movie and leaving midway through. The three claimed that it was getting late, but Drew just knew it was just courtesy. Once they finished the movie, Drew, Zoey, and Lia tried to hang out, but they quickly found a loud silence.

"...It's getting late. You two should leave." Drew said, standing up from the bean bag.

"Oh, well, what about me, Drewy-bear?" Zoey asked, twirling her hair. It was at that point Lia decided to make her way out of the room.

"No." Drew said flatly. "My, uh... parents are home, still."

"Really?" Zoey replied, "They won't know. They hardly pay attention to you." she said, getting closer to Drew.

Drew backed up and tried to hide his annoyance at the comment she made but failed. "What if I take you shopping tomorrow? Will you get off my case?"

"Someone's cranky..."  Zoey mumbled under her breathe, as if Drew couldn't hear it. "Yes! Thank you so much, Drewy-bear!"

She almost left, bur stopped at the bedroom door, "Can I get a goodnight kiss?"

"Isn't the mall enough?" Drew asked.

"Drew!" Zoey whined frustratedly.

"Okay, okay." Drew said, irritated, and reluctantly kissed Zoey.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Drewy!" Zoey said, heading for the door.

"Yeah, see you." Drew said blankly as Zoey rushed out the door to Lia. He heard their soft chatter for a little before he heard the front door open and close.

Drew then laid atop his bed and stared up at the ceiling. He felt off. Something was wrong, he just wasn't sure what.

Everything was supposed to be perfect. No, everything is perfect. He crafted his life to be so. His parents are proud of his studies, he has friends, he's the future owner of his dad's company, he has a girlfriend... So why was he still unhappy?

Outside school

"--I don't know why he hangs out with that club so much more. How does he find singing more more worth his time than hanging out with his friends?" Drew ranted to Liam and Henry. "He spends an absurd amount of time there."

"You worried that your boyfriend is spending more time with that blue-haired girl now?" Henry said, a teasing connotation. Drew rolled his eyes."You really have been attached at the hip to him since freshman year, huh..." Henry drew out the sound.

Jake walked over and Drew was pleasantly surprised, smiling upon seeing him. " 'Sup Jake!" But after another look, Drew immediately knew something was off about him.

"Mornin' Jakey!" Henry said. "Woah... You look like hell..."

"--Wait. Lemme guess. You were up all night thinking about Daisy rejecting you for that 'Sean' guy. Don't worry bro, We'll be here for you whe-- I mean, if  that happens," Henry laughed.

Jake didn't, though. And Henry kept laughing, hoping Jake would eventually. And Jake didn't laugh. And Henry stopped laughing.

Drew saw Jake's death stare, "Woah. grouchy much? What's up with you? And where did you go yesterday? It's not like you to skip class."

But Jake ignored Drew's questions. "Who was it?"

Drew, Henry and Liam all looked at each other, but Drew spoke. "Was what?"

"Who recorded me the other night?" Jake elaborated. "Or were you all in on it?

"Woah, what are you on about? You're acting really weird, Jake." Liam said.

Jake laughed. "You think so? Well, maybe it's cuz my so-called 'friends' decided to stab me in the back!"

"Jake, uh, you're freaking us out. Can you just spit out what the problem--"

"I've been kicked out of the music club!" Jake told them all. "Someone recorded me at your house talking behind their back and sent it to them. Now they won't even talk to me."

"Oh..." Henry and Liam said at the same time.

Drew looked at them then back at Jake. "Well don't look at me!"

"Well you're the one who wanted me to quit in the first place!" Jake explained. "For all I know, you could've set me up!"

"And I'm telling you I didn't do jack shit! I don't know anything about a recording." Drew told Jake.

The silent staring was loud.

Drew sighed. "So they kicked you out of the club, big deal. I'm sure there are other weird and creative ways to ask Daisy out."

"This isn't about Daisy!" Drew's expression changed. He was surprised, confused, sad for him, angry at him, and for a second, just a short secon--blink and you'd miss it--displayed on his face was every emotion he crammed into the back of his mind, every worry, every passion, every one of those God-forbidden feelings he ignored for years.

"Oh, don't look at me like that!" Jake said. "I know deep down you knew I wasn't doing this just because of her. You knew I cared about this!"

"That's not what it seemed like the other night at mine." Drew snapped out of his own world. "Jeez, don't act like we're the ones who made you say all that smack! And besides, I thought you figured out they were using you for their gain, anyway."

"They're not like that." Jake retorted. "If anyone was using someone it was me," he paused, "They gave me a second chance to prove myself and-- and I threw it in their face."

Drew sighed again. "It's not the end of the world, Jake. We're your actual friends, remember?"

Drew was reminded of a couple of years before, when he was attached at the hip to Jake--even more than now--and would find comfort in just being around him. No video games, no shows, no entertainment. It didn't matter; he idolized Jake. Or maybe he mistook something else for idolization.

Jake used to be nice, and sweet, and kind, and he still was, but Drew worried he was ruining his life for this silly passion.

And as much as Drew hated to admit anything pertaining to this, he just wanted Jake to be happy. Out of the whole, miles-long list of people he tried his best to make happy, Jake had always been at the top of it, no matter how hard Drew tried to push Jake away.

"The club was a waste of time, anyway. Whoever recorded you did you a favor." He finished.

Jake's face darkened. "You wouldn't understand." and he walked away.

Drew felt for a second as if he did understand--then realized how ridiculous that sounded.

"Oh," Jake stopped, "And I suppose I should return the favor."

"You might wanna ask your girlfriend about who she's really spending her 'busy weekends' with."

Chapter Text

"What...? I-- uh... can't believe she-- she'd do something like that!" Liam stuttered as Drew turned to death stare him and Henry for answers.

"Yeah... Thats... That's..." Henry was quickly nudged by Liam, "Crazy!" he laughed nervously.

"We had no idea, I swear!" Liam lied.

Drew rolled his eyes but let it go. He knew they were lying--who wouldn't?--but he dropped it for now. Right now, he was thinking about Jake and what he said. And having to break up with Zoey... Drew only imagined her reaction and grimaced.

But the school day went on, he sulked, and thoughts played through his head asking, 'Why'd she have to go and cheat?'.

And it started clicking as he entered and exited classes, too. All the times she prioritized the mall over hanging out with him, 'busy weekends', as Jake said, the text messages behind his back, and the other night. The other night.

Zoey wanted to stay the night, and she only budged once he mentioned going shopping with her the next day.

And that's when it was set in stone for Drew. He was going to break up with Zoey. Or rather, he had to.

Drew was walking out of school with Henry and Liam--who he currently was playing pretend with as if he didn't know they totally knew she was cheating the entire time--when Zoey approached him.

"Hey Drewy-bear! Going on a weekend trip with Lia. I won't see you those days. Love you, buh-bye!" She said quickly, running off to catch up with Lia, who looked at Drew solemnly.

'you're not going on a weekend trip with lia. jake told me you've been cheating. we're over.'

--Is all Drew texted to Zoey when he got back home, and as soon as he saw she'd seen it he immediately muted her to make sure she wouldn't blow up his notifications. It didn't matter what she said.

He laid on his bed again, wondering what to do, now, with no one else coming over today. He thought about playing video games, but he didn't feel like it.

He didn't really have anything else to do, did he? No one to hang out with. No other hobbies. No passions. Just the knowledge that he'd take over the family's company. Sometimes he thought he might be jealous of the music club. Of course, he'd brush it off as if a joke in his head, but he did think about it sometimes.

They at least knew what they wanted to do with their lives, even if it was stupid. At least they had personalities. Unlike Drew, who covered up every aspect of his personality, his likes, dislikes, and fears just to make sure people liked him. That's why he was popular. Why he had friends. Why his parents didn't bother him about anything. If anything, even one thing changed, it could all come crumbling down.

And Drew was scared that's what would happen when he broke up with Zoey.

But it doesn't matter, he can get another girl. Girls like money, everyone does, and if he so has to bribe a girl like Zoey, then so be it.

Crashing down.

Like the door crashing open. Or, that what the creaking sound of his door opening sounded like compared to the silence in the room.

It was his mom.

"Hi honey. I'm back from the work vacation with your dad." she said. "Mom!" He smiled and sat up on his bed. "You're back early."

"Yeah. I came here to tell you that, when you have time, you should fire that new butler of ours." Drew's mom said.

"We need to fire our butler... again?" Drew asked. It had to have been at least the fifth butler this year, but his parents were uptight and picky, always firing them.

"Yeah. I caught him painting. What a terrible influence for you and your little sister." His mom rolled her eyes.

This butler was probably the least annoying out of the ones they'd had this year. So Drew got an idea to combat his moms argument. "Well... He does work for us. Wouldn't it be better to keep him here as an example or something?"

"I mean... I guess you have a point. We'll keep him for a little longer. Gotta fire him at some point, though." His mom said, then left without saying goodbye.

Well, at least he'd be around for a little longer. 'Better than nothing', he thought.

Drew sighed and laid back down. He didnt want Jake to turn out like that. Working for someone else.

But it seemed as if Jake was taking it upon himself to make sure that happened.

Homeroom

Drew sat in class, staring at the wall, waiting for class to begin while sulking about Zoey and--

"Jake's not coming to class again." Henry said. "How long do you think he's gonna avoid us?"

"Beats me." Drew scoffed, his eyes still fixated on the wall.

Liam shrugged, "He's probably busy writing some 'please forgive me' song for the club."

"Is it too late now to say sorry... Cuz I'm... Simping for more than just Daisy!" Liam said poetically, imitating Jake.

Henry laughed until Drew scoffed again, "He should be writing that for us."

And then the announcement speakers came on: "Good morning students!" Daisy's voice said. "Apologies for the impromptu announcement. We have a quick word from one of our juniors, Jake Sterling, who has an important message to share about the music club and the band contest this Friday."

Drew's eyes widened. What was Jake doing this time? 'God, he's always out there embarrassing himself.' Drew thought.

"Hey everyone, this is Jake," he said through the speaker, "Which... You already know because Daisy told you..."

"Anyway! So... Uh... Some of you may have heard the recording of me that's been going around. Or... the rumor that I got kicked out of the music club," Jake said nervously. "Well, it's true. I won't be singing in the band competition this Friday. I said some really nasty things, and hurt my friends. I betrayed them, all because I was a coward."

"I let people make me feel like being a part of the club, and being passionate about music made me a freak." Drew rolled his eyes. "Yet... I was the happiest I'd ever being with them. And I finally felt like.. myself."

"It took me this long to realize, that I'd rather be called a freak than pretend to be somebody I'm not! I should've stood up for them, but..." Henry and Liam looked at each other.

Drew moved his gaze to the speaker and stared at it in disbelief and utter confusion, Jake's words echoing through his mind. 'I'd rather be called a freak than pretend to be someone I'm not!'

'Pretend to be someone you're not?' Drew quoted in his head. 'How selfish.' To value your own happiness over others. How could you be so self-centered?

"Even though I'm not apart of the club anymore, that doesn't mean you shouldn't go watch them this Friday. I might not deserve your support, but the rest of the music club does. They worked their butts off for this competition, and you'd be missing out if you dont go! Because, they sound goddamn amazing!" But Drew was barely listening to what Jake was saying anymore, and the world started to crumble around him; it all started to crash down onto him.

Things were fine before. They were fine. And Jake had to ruin the orderly, perfectly stacked brick wall of Drew's life that he made to hide it all. His feelings. His interests. All the times he ignored it. Everything about himself.

The thing is with that brick wall, one little push, like Jake joining the music club or him knowing about Zoey's cheating and it all fell down. It was out of order. "I know I'm just waffling at this point. To be honest, I'm not sure how else I can convince everybody listening to go. Hell, I'll... I'll even strip down butt naked in front of everyone if I have to!"

Henry and Liam laughed, "Hey that's what you..." Henry tried to say, but Drew looked over and he must have looked really pissed off because Henry barely finished his sentence. "...said. Heh..."

"I'm sorry that I let you all down. But more than that, I let them down, big time, and uh... Hailey, Zander, Luke, Sean, Milly... If you are listening to this, I know I called you freaks, but the truth is, you guys are the coolest, most talented people I met. You brought me in and treated me like family, despite me being an arrogant ass. I was so stupid to forget that. I hope you can forgive me."

All around the classroom, whispers and comments debating whether or not to go to the competition bubbled up.

"You guys are gonna be amazing--" Jake almost finished his sentence until a loud noise and then a far away voice spoke, it was muffled, but Drew knew who it was after she spoke into the mic.

"Alright everyone! Sorry about the interruption. Back to studying!" The principal said over the mic.

And so the teacher announced class was beginning eventually but Drew barely stared at his paper, trying to concentrate on what the teacher was saying but failing.

"Hey, uh, Drew!" Henry whispered. Drew turned to look at him, annoyed. "C-Calm down... I was just going to ask if you could lend me your notes-- Okay.." Drew didn't answer, but he didn't need to.

And then class was done, and Henry, Liam, and Drew were walking back to their lockers.

Liam and Henry looked at Drew. "You okay Drew?" Liam asked before immediately getting a response.

"I'm fine." Drew said, definitely not fine and definitely very angry. Then he noticed something in his peripheral vision. Hailey walking down the hallway.

"Y'know what... go on without me. I'll meet up with you guys soon." Drew said, breaking off from the group and immediately making his way to Hailey, who dropped her quarter at the vending machine. She went down to grab it and he stepped on it. "Hey, freak."

Hailey got up, quarterless. "What do you want this time, Drew? To bother me more? It doesn't matter. Whether you like it or not, the band competition will go on, and it seems like most of the school will be there."

"I can't believe you." Drew scoffed. "You've got Jake wrapped around your little finger, embarrassing himself just as you wanted. Are you happy with yourself?"

"Shove off, Drew. Go be a possessive asshole somewhere else," Hailey turned to leave, but Drew grabbed her arm.

"Don't act innocent! You waste all this time playing 'family' with him, kick him out, and now he's spouting out all this nonsense!" Drew exclaimed, defending Jake. "This clearly all you freaks getting to his head!"

"Hey!" Drew heard, and was surprised to see Jake. "Back off, Drew. You have a problem with her, you have a problem with me."

But Drew looked at Jake and only felt pity for the boy, getting manipulated by the club. "Oh. Is that right?"

"You heard what I said!" Jake exclaimed.

"Yeah," Drew rolled his eyes, "Quite some speech, Jake. Blabbering about the competition. That's all you seem to care about these days!" He told him.

"You still don't get it, Drew!" Jake said, "The club is what I care about! My friends!"

"What am I then? Because ever since you joined them, it's as if we never were. You barely have time for us anymore, you practically live in that fucking club room!" Drew argued back.

"Well maybe that 'fucking club room' is the only place where I feel understood!" Jake yelled. "You never supported my passion, and I knew you never would! Since you love to constantly talk down on the club, and tell me to leave."

"Well how am I supposed to know anything about your 'passion' when you don't tell me a damn thing anymore, huh?!"

"Hey, c'mon, guys, let's chill out a bit." Henry said, trying to mediate.

"You guys realized it too, right?" Drew turned around and ignored Henry. "All he does is lie to our face!" He turned back around, "You tell me you'll leave, that this all for Daisy, that you need more time to practice, that we're your real friends and not those freaks! Not to mention you waited until now to tell me I was being cheated on by my girlfriend. If you care so much about your friends, Jake, why don't you spit out the truth already!"

A thin silence filled the room. Jake nodded, "You're right. Drew, Henry, Liam... I'm sorry. I didn't want to lie to you guys. The truth is... I love being a part of the music club. I know I said I'd quit once the competition was done, but, in the end, I didn't want to. It's... It was like my second home. I just wanted friends who would stand by me, and you guys did when I had no one else, but... We'd bully people who were just like me! I felt like I had to so it'd never happen to me again."

'I just wanted friends who would stand by me, and you guys did when I had no one else, but..'

Was Drew just a plastic bottle to him? Used once for the water, thrown out, and then put in a landfill to never quite rot? Or, in this case, used for the softness Drew once looked him in the eyes with? The way Drew would stand up for him, would take the blame, how he forgave him for so long, how all he did was care for Jake.

And then he repays with a backhanded apology.

"But," He continued, "I won't be that weak-minded person anymore. I won't stand for them being called freaks anymore. And... I also won't lie to you guys anymore."

Drew slow clapped sarcastically. "Wow, I'm so happy for you, Jake. It's funny, I really thought they were using you," and when he spoke, his voice was hoarse from yelling. "Turns out, you've just been manipulating me this whole time. Nice to know we were never really friends." Drew's eyes were glassy, but he blinked even the thought of tears away.

"That's not--" Jake tried to defend himself. "Drew..."

"I'm done with you. Have a nice life,

Freak."

Chapter Text

November 11, 2018

Drew sat, bored, on his chair by the pool. It was a cloudy, cold day, and he was scrolling through his YouTube recommended on his phone, waiting for one of his three guests to arrive.

It may have been his birthday today, but that didn't stop his life from always feeling bland.

That is, until Jake showed up.

"I didn't expect your house to be so big..." Jake said, almost a mutter.

"Hey, Jake!" Drew said, sitting up from lounging. "Thanks for showing up for my birthday," he gestured to the pool chair next to him.

Jake sat down on said chair next to Drew, which were both under an umbrella despite the dreary weather. "No one else is here yet," he said, "Not even Henry and Liam. Did you invite anyone else?"

"Nah, I don't like to make too big a deal about my birthday. I just prefer to hang around people I actually care about." Drew told him.

Jake looked pleasantly surprised and smiled warmly. It'd only been two months since Drew and Jake had become friends, but he found himself growing fond of the boy quickly.

He also found that when Jake smiled like that--a warmth in the cool chill of November--his face would heat up, as if the warmth from the smile seemed to reflect itself back onto Drew's face.

When Drew came back to earth, he realized they'd locked eyes for a little bit, so he looked away and fake coughed to fill the silence. "I can't believe my parents aren't here." He then rolled his eyes, "Third birthday in a row." Drew laughed and then sighed.

"They're not here for your birthday?" Jake asked.

Drew scoffed, "No. They have a meeting today. They said it was 'urgent'." He explained like it was nothing. "Last year it was a client deal, and the time before there was a business trip."

"Drew, I don't think that's--"

"Whatcha talking about?" Henry said, walking over to the two with Liam. Drew didn't even notice them walking up or even the door opening.

"Ah, not much. Just my annoying parents." Drew said with an eyeroll.

"I felt that," said Liam.

"Well, you're all here now. I'll get the butler to bring out some food for us." Drew said, and walked into his house.

The birthday 'party'--if you could call it that, it was moreso a small gathering with cake--itself was over and Drew had invited Henry, Liam, and Jake to sleep over.

Henry said there was an update on some game that he wanted to catch and Liam said he needed to babysit his little sister, so it was just the two; Drew and Jake.

"What do you wanna do?" Drew asked. "I've got video games, an extra computer, even boardgames if you wanna touch grass."

"Uhh... We can just play video games," Jake said, slightly surprised for a reason unknown to Drew.

"Right. I got a PS4, an Xbox, a Switch... Is there anything else..?" Drew recounted.

Jake looked even more surprised now, for some reason.

"...What?" Drew asked upon seeing his expression.

"It's alot of options," Jake chuckled, "I only have a PS4 at home."

Drew also laughed. "That's crazy."

"Yeah..." Jake said, sitting on Drew's bed. "By the way... Drew, I'm really sorry your parents weren't here for your birthday."

Drew cocked his head. "What do you mean? It's just a few birthdays. You can't always rely on parents to be there. My parents are barely here for two days in a row. Not a surprise they aren't here on my birthday." He sat next to Jake on his bed, crossing his legs.

Jake seemed to have a deeply concerned expression. "I'm saying this because I care, but uh... I dont think thats normal." he said. "Your parents being away all the time."

"What, are you coddled?" Drew asked. "It's perfectly normal."

"I'm not joking, Drew. Your parents shouldn't do stuff like that..." Jake put his hand on Drew's.

Drew looked down at Jake's hand, sitting atop of his own. His face heated up and for some reason he desperately wanted to hold Jake's hand--completely. He didn't know why or what he kept feeling for Jake, he just knew he did.

Jake didn't look away, down to their hands, like Drew did. "You don't deserve to be treated like that."

And then, for some reason unknown to him, he let himself hold Jake's hand.

His hand was warm, just like his smile.

Suddenly Drew's face and ears felt really hot, and his heart beat out his chest. He couldn't believe he just did that. Holding Jake's hand.

Drew looked back down at their intertwined hands and back up at Jake, who maintained eye contact, yet his face betrayed he was surprised by the action.

Although, he didn't look disgusted.

Or weirded out.

Jake didn't flinch his hand back, or look at him weirdly,

Just surprised.

So Drew started leaning closer to Jake.

Again, he wasn't entirely sure why he did it, but he did.

Drew had just met Jake, But he absolutely adored him and his open-mindedness, his kindness, how much he cared (and for someone he barely knew), and everything else about him.

And, well... Drew was just the complete opposite of that. And being around Jake made Drew want to be a better person. To break from the shell of what his parents made him to be; what his parents thought a man should be, because whatever his parents thought was right was not Jake, and Drew knew Jake was better than him; deserved more than he did. Jake was a good person, and Drew adored him.

And Drew always thought he was kind of cute, too. And that he'd never really felt any of those things before.

Wait.

Is that what it was?

Did Drew...

Like Jake?

Maybe.

But it was scary.

What about his parents?

But they hardly mattered right now. Drew was doing something he wanted. He wanted this and he liked Jake and he wanted to kiss him.

Jake seemed to be receptive to him leaning in, smiling with a blush covering his face.

They were kind of close now. Not close enough to kiss, but close enough that Drew got butterflies looking at the boy only maybe a foot away from him. And Drew wanted to lean in more, and now Drew definitely wanted to kiss him, and he was so confused and terrified of liking Jake but now he knew he did and--

"Guess who made it in time for your birthda--"

Drew's dad dropped his suitcase onto the carpeted floor. It fell onto its side.

Drew quickly flinched his hands back and shuffled away from Jake, his face deeply shocked with embarrassment and fear. "Dad, I--"

"Drew." Said his dad, a stern, but not yet angry tone.

"D-Dad It's my fau--" Drew glanced over to Jake quickly and tried not to stutter; to admit how terrified he was right now. Holding Jake's hand? Wanting to kiss him?  What was wrong with him anyway to think that maybe that was something he could do?

"Go!" His dad directed at Jake. He tried to say it in a voice that wasn't a yell, but it came out as one.

Jake shook a bit while leaving and Drew fought the tears that threatened to leave his eyes as he watched him leave. If there was anyone who deserved to be yelled at, it wasn't Jake. It was him.

Something about Jake being shook by his dad's words, no, something about Jake being scared made him want to cry. Because if there was anyone to blame, it was Drew. He deserved to be blamed, didn't he?

His eyes darted back to his dad, "It was an ac-"

"What the hell did I just see?!" Drew's dad yelled.

"Dad, I promise, I'm not--"

"Do you understand what you're doing?! You're going to ruin your life; our reputation because of that, that... desire. You're my only son, I can't have you ruining it all because of something so... so goddamn avoidable!" Drew tried to hide the way his breathes grew more and more anxious as his dad spoke.

"You've always been so annoying. Always trying to do the opposite of what we ask! We only want the best for you and you do this?! You--" Drew's dad sighed frustratedly. "Why can't you just be a good fucking son, for God's sake?!"

A silence fell upon the room.

'Why can't you be a good son?'

His dad's words echoed through his mind.

'Why can't you just--'

He had the same question, though. Why couldn't he?

'--be a good fucking son, for God's sake?!'

A tear rolled down Drew's cheek.

Drew never cried. He wasn't supposed to.

"And now you're crying..." Drew's dad rolled his eyes, "Wipe that damn tear away!"

Drew wiped the tear and forced himself to breathe slowly until he was able to speak, "I'm sorry dad, I promise you I'm not... I, uh... have a girlfriend," he lied.

"Well." His dad said, a suddenly calm demeanor. He fiddled with his tie and picked his suitcase up from its previous position. "Your friend can stay for just this night. But you can only hang out in the living room and will go to sleep in your own rooms." he said, gesturing to the guest room Jake was in across the hall. "And why don't I meet this nice lady of yours sometime?"

"Yes, sir." Drew said, choking out the last word for courtesy.

Drew's dad closed the door normally and as soon as he could no longer hear his dad's footsteps, the tears fell.

They fell and fell and fell and Drew didn't understand why he felt this way, or why the tears fell.

Because boys don't cry.

Jake's footsteps were so quite Drew didn't realize he walked into the room.

"Hey, what happened with-- Drew are you okay?!" Jake rushed over to him upon seeing the tears streaming down Drew's face.

"Go, Jake." Drew said through sobs, turning around on his bed. "I'll be fine. Go to the living room."

"Drew, I--"

"Just go. Please."

Present day

Liam and Henry had a conversation around Drew but he wasn't paying attention to it, opting to look blankly into the distance.

It'd been a day since the fight, and Drew still replayed it in his head, word for word.

Especially what Jake said.

'I just wanted friends who would stand by me, and you guys did when I had no one else, but..'

He was just Jake's second choice all along. Jake never really wanted to be Drew's friend, no, he just used Drew to find other, better friends than him.

His thoughts were interrupted when he felt a buzz from his phone. He lifted his phone up to see a notification from Gachagram. It was from Jake, who he'd had forgotten to block, so he wanted to ignore it, but he couldn't help but read what it said on the home screen bubble.

'I know you're mad at me. I'm not asking for forgiveness or anything, but I was wondering...'

Drew looked at the message for a lot longer than he should've.

He didn't need to open the DM to figure out what the rest of it was. It was all said. Jake was asking if Drew could still watch the competition.

Drew thought of it for a half second--going to the competition to watch Jake sing.

But he shook his head at himself for even thinking that he should, and Henry and Liam must've watched his emotions play out.

"Whatcha lookin' at?" Henry said, leaning over to look at Drew's phone.

His privacy screen saved him, but he still quickly put down his phone. "It's nothing. We should get to class."

Henry looked at him suspiciously, then at Liam, and both looked back at Drew with smug faces.

"What?" Drew said.

Henry and Liam snickered. "In school, Drew?" Said the former.

"Guess that breakup hit you hard, huh?" Liam laughed.

"What are you--" Drew rolled his eyes when he realized what their joke was implying, "You immature asses..."

"Then what was it?" Henry asked, drawing out the syllable on 'was'.

"It was just... A text message." Drew opened his phone to the lockscreen and showed them.

"Oh... Guess we were way off." Liam said. "Jake still wants you to go to the band competition, right? But... didn't you literally call him 'freak' to his face then walk off like you owned the place?"

"Yeah. I don't know what's up with him." Drew said, looking to the side.

"You're thinking of going." Liam said.

Drew scoffed awkwardly, "No."

"He's totally thinking of going." Henry said to Liam.

Drew ignored them. "I've got science. Bye."

"Oh no you don't!" A considerably higher pitched voice said, grabbing him by the wrist and turning him around when he was walking away.

'Of course its fucking Zoey..'  Drew thought upon seeing the face to the voice. Apparently she noticed the breakup message.

"What the fuck!" Zoey yelled shrilly. "What is wrong with you?!"

Drew crossed his arms. "I just broke up with you. Is it that big of a deal?"

"Yeah! especially when you do it... on text!" Zoey said through gritted teeth, lowering her voice when saying the last few words.

"Right," He crossed his arms, "Well, I think someone who's using me as a wallet and is cheating on me deserves to be broken up with on text!" Drew said, trying not to raise his voice and cause a scene.

Zoey's face turned a bright shade of embarrassment. "I-- I never did such a thing!"

"Uh... Let's be real here.." Henry said.

"Shut up you delirious, green-haired short-ass ugly simp for Lia! She'll never want your dorky ass face!" Zoey spat, then turned back to Drew. "How could you?!"

Drew scoffed. "I didn't do anything to you. Fuck off, Zoey. Do everyone a favor and go back to the ditch in hell you climbed up from."

Zoey and some other people around gasped.

Then her face changed. "Whatever. You were only one of three sixes anyway." She said, then walked away.

Drew wasn't sure what that meant but everyone else was snickering so he figured it was some insult on his looks or something.

He couldn't find the space to care, though, so he walked to science class.

Drew walked into science only to remember that he was paired up with Jake. For the rest of the semester.

So Drew took it upon himself to ask the teacher to switch seats right before class, but she told him it was final. He was very tempted to skip, but the teacher already knew he'd been there and if his parents knew they'd kill him, so he reluctantly sat in the chair next to Jake. Jake looked at him, but didn't say anything more. Yet, that is.

"Alright class, today we're working on..." The teacher began.

Jake whispered, "Did you see my text?"

Drew pretending to be busy writing notes, ignoring him.

"Okay then."

And they were both silent for a while, until it was time to actually do some project the teacher was talking about.

"What do those notes you were so busy writing say?" Jake asked rhetorically. Drew didn't even look at him.

"Alrighty. I guess I'll do this by myself then." He said, and followed up on, starting to mix the chemicals together and such.

The silence was too loud for Drew.

"I saw it." Drew said, finally.

Jake looked stunned. "Well, uh, what are you thinking?"

Drew was silent.

"Look, you don't have to go. I know you hate me now." Drew saw Jake look up from what he was doing and look at him in his peripheral vision.. "But it would mean a lot if you came, even to roll your eyes and make fun of me."

Drew's lifted his head to look at Jake in acknowledgment before silently helping him do the assignment.

Saturday

"So are you going or not?" is what Henry and Liam repeatedly asked him the day leading up to the competition.

Drew replied 'no' each time. They both looked at him weird when he did. Not in a 'You're not gonna go?' type of way, but more of a 'Uhuh...' And Drew was fearing their facial expressions might be right.

Drew didn't want to go. He didn't ever want to see Jake's face again, and he definitely didn't want to see Hailey.

But he also did want to see Jake again... Just not the new Jake. The old one.

Maybe, just for this night; just for the competition, Drew could try and see Jake as that kind kid again. And maybe Drew could feel like one again; an innocent kid. Temporarily.

So Drew got out of bed and texted Liam and Henry.

'my parents are bringing me on a business trip this weekend. don't ask to hang out. my parents will kill me if a notification goes off in the middle of a meeting.'

Was the excuse he made up so that Henry and Liam didn't think he was going. Although, he was met with a 'Yeah....the timing is just coincidental' and an 'iiiiiiff you say so bro'.

And so Drew got ready for the day, and later, when the competition was on, he snuck in the theatre when another band was playing.

He hid in the very back row of the seats closest to the wall and hoping no one would notice.

Eventually, the band was announced and all of the members came out, one by one. For a second, he saw Jake talk to Hailey.

He seethed a bit but just ignored it all for his own sanity.

When Jake was on stage, Drew saw him look around at a particular seat near him, and kinda freaked out, but Jake's expression was still the same, so he figured Jake hadn't spotted him.

Then, eventually Jake started singing.

"Lately when I see my reflection

Staring at me, I don't recognize who's inside

Guess I'll wait for the day when

I don't feel so out of place in this town

Safe and sound

I'm stuck in a cycle I can't break

Now somethin' has to change.."

Drew was fairly suprised by Jake's voice; he'd neve heard Jake sing before, and although he heard from others Jake was a good singer, he was still somehow stunned by his voice.

"I was never meant for the starlight

But what if I tried? I could shatter the stratosphere

Nothing can stop me now!

I'll ride on wild horses,

there's nowhere too far away in outer space, nothing can stop me now!"

Drew rolled his eyes at the performance, but was also pleasantly surprised by the sound of the music.

Then the chorus seemed to be over, and he felt the music change in... vibe? He wasn't quite sure what it was, but he knew it sounded different.

"Now that I waited forever,

Great moments slipped through my fingers many times

Too many times

I won't waste anymore seconds

Put the rock that I keep in my arms on the ground

It's weighing me down..."

Drew was prepared to cringe at Hailey's singing, as he was there for Jake, but was actually quite surprised by her voice.

"The fearless aren't always brave, even though I'm still afraid"

Jake chimed in for the pre-chorus, and he saw them make eye contact for a bit.

They sounded good together. But Drew pushed away the weird conflicted feeling he felt when he thought about that when Hailey sang the chorus alone, and then when the bridge started.

"I'll break the chains that kept me on the floor

Won't walk away, won't hold back anymore

A grand escape I'll make from myself and I

From myself and I"

Drew scoffed quietly, but as the chorus played again it seemed as if the world lit up for Jake; his eyes sparkled in a way Drew had never seen before as he sang with Hailey.

Drew couldn't not admit the song was good. And they clearly had worked hard on it, considering Jake's leaving of Drew and all that. And that made Drew realize something.

Jake loved singing more than he ever did Drew.

'At least he seems happy,' Drew thought, making his way out of the theatre before anyone else could see him.

He stopped by the door and looked back at the stage at Jake briefly--or rather, the back of his head--when he noticed the rest of the band were still there, and could probably see him--his face lit up faintly by the exit sign--so he rushed out the auditorium as fast as he could.

November 12, 2018

"Hey, you weirdos wont be able to answer this, but..." Drew interrupted a conversation he wasn't paying attention to. "How are you supposed to, uh... get a girlfriend?" He asked Liam, Henry, and Jake, but mostly directed the first part to the former two.

"Aww, you feeling a little lonely, Drew?" Henry said.

"Uh, sure." Drew lied, awkwardly shifting from one leg to the other.

"Wait, this makes me think... Drew, have you ever had a crush? I've never seen you show interest in anyone." Liam mentioned. "Well, besides Ja--"

"That doesn't matter." Drew quickly inturrupted. Liam was wrong. He'd had a crush before.

There was that time, back in elementary, when his friends asked him who he had a crush on and he picked a random girl. Although, he didn't really like her, so did that even count?

Drew guessed not. And he also guessed Liam was right, before a memory popped in his head.

Drew was in seventh grade when a new kid joined his class. Drew sat next to him, and for some reason, decided to make it his ultimate goal to befriend the kid. When he thought of it now, it was kind of similar to how he felt with Jake.

And Jake, what happened last night, and how close they were, and Drew's heart racing, and Drew just wished he could've kissed him and--

Wait, no, neither of those two counted.

He didn't like them. Right? Liam was right.

He had to be.

"I'm not sure what your problem is." Liam said. "With that much money you could win almost any girl."

"Is that really all they want?" Drew raised an eyebrow.

"About half of what they want, yeah." Liam said. "The other half is height. But at you're at least taller than Henry, so I'm sure you'll be fine."

"...Okay."

"Well, Drew-too-da-loo, do you like anyone?" Henry asked.

"Uh..." Drew looked around and landed on a random blonde, getting déjà vu from that one time in elementary. "What's her name?"

"Dunno, why don't you go ask her that?" Henry said.

And so Drew rolled his eyes and walked towards her. Even past his promise to his dad, maybe this would be good for him.

No more mistakes.

Not like yesterday.

"Hi." Drew said, because he didn't know what else to say.

"Hello? What do you want? I'm busy." The girl said, brushing something on her already spider-looking lashes.

"Just wanted to come over and say, uh... You look nice?" Drew said, suddenly unsure of what to do with his hands, legs, or arms.

She turned from brushing her lashes to look him up and down with a weird face. "I pity you. Have you seriously never talked to another woman besides your mother?" she said.

"Uh- What's your name?" Drew changed the topic.

"It's Zoey... You're lucky your kinda cute and I feel bad for you." The girl, Zoey, said.

"I'm Drew. Uh... Why don't I take you to the mall or something?" Drew asked her.

"Oh, I totally would, but I've gotta... Watch my neighbors puppy." Zoey said.

Drew was content with being rejected when he all of a sudden remembered what Liam said. "What if I pay?"

"On second thought my neighbor'll be fine, see you tomorrow after school, cutie!" Zoey said with a wink before walking away towards presumably her friend, so Drew walked back to his friends.

"Well?" Liam asked, dragging the word out.

"We're going to the mall tomorrow."

"I told you, bro!" Liam said.

"Let's go! Our little lonely Drewy isn't gonna be so lonely anymore!" Henry commented, but then his eyes seemed to drift past Drew. "Oh my God... Who's she talking with?" He looked entranced with Zoey's friend. "I'm gonna ask her out!" He said confidently.

Drew laughed as Henry practically ran towards Zoey's friend, "He's probably gonna get rejected right off the bat."

"Bet she's gonna make fun of his height!" Liam laughed.

"Haha, yeah... She'll probably say she... doesn't date cabbages!" Jake added.

Liam laughed even more, "That's a good one!"

Drew and Jake looked at each other to laugh, but it quickly turned into an awkward stare before Jake looked away. Then Drew looked away when something caught his attention.

"She said I was too short for her..." Henry said, fake limping back to the group.

"Ha! I knew it." Liam said. "You'll find a 3'9 girl someday!" Liam chuckled.

"Hey! Not funny! You're playing with my feelings!" Henry said jokingly.

Well, Drew had his first date on the horizon. But he didn't really feel excited. It's funny, Henry would be excited. Liam would be excited. Jake would be excited.

So why wasn't he?

Chapter Text

'That was close.' Drew thought when he got home. He told his parents he was hanging out with Henry and Liam--not like they'd notice if he left anyway.

When he turned a corner to make his way to the staircase that led to his room, he saw a painting unusually slouched on the wall.

The painting was of the courtyard outside of his house, but it looked so much different than it did in real life. Everything was structurally the same, yes, but it felt more like looking at someone than something, and Drew found that someone was himself, somehow reflected in the way the orange, setting sunlight fell on the leaves of trees and the ripples in the water--the scene he'd seen whenever he opened his bedroom window, and it was different and also the same.

"I'm so sorry, sir, I didn't have any other place to let it dry," the butler said, quickly picking up the painting and then sighing. "I wish it turned out better..." he mumbled, but Drew heard.

'Is that what mom was talking about when she mentioned the butler's weird painting obsession?' Drew thought.

But he was also oddly curious, about the butler and his painting thing. The butler; this one, was considerably less stuck up than most of the ones they'd had before.

And the painting. He really liked it. Which was weird, because Drew never found himself so attached to something of material value like this.

Sure, he liked the money and the game consoles, but he didn't really feel connected to it, which was weird to him to think considering it was just a painting.

'How could the butler even think it was bad?' He wondered.

"I like it." Drew said, copying the almost whisper the butler had said his statement in.

"Don't pity me, sir," The butler shook his head, "It won't help me to move."

"Move?" Drew echoed, an eyebrow raised.

"Ah, sorry, sir! I mustn't speak of such things."

Drew didn't really care. He'd move out if he could, too. But the butler was a fully grown adult, why couldn't he? "You want to move out? Why don't you just go then?" Drew asked.

"It's, uh..." He searched for the right words, "...not quite that simple. The housing market is quite expensive as of recent; quite out of my price range. But it is that, I am very lucky to be your butler." He replied, then shook his head while looking at his painting with a frown. "I think I'll have to give it away."

"Don't give it away." Drew said. The butler looked at him with an eyebrow raised before Drew pulled out some spare cash he had in his wallet. "Is this enough?"

The butlers eyes widened. "More tha-- I mean, I could not accept so much for it. Are you sure you want this painting that much, sir?"

"It's just pocket change. And I like it." Drew shrugged.

"If you say so, sir." The butler said. "I'll wait for it to dry then frame it for you."

"Thanks." Drew said.

"No, no, it's the least I could do, sir." Said the butler, he then bowed and walked away, painting in hand.

Monday, school hallway

"So how was the band competition?" Henry teased.

"What do you mean?" Drew said, looking at the wall to feign indifference. "I didn't go."

"...Yeah... Sure, dude," said Liam. "Did Jake know?" Drew was silent.

"It's okay, Drew-too-da-loo, we'll keep your secret." Henry said, nudging him. Drew rolled his eyes.

When he did, he double took, because out of the corner of his eyes, Drew saw the purple-haired guy and the ginger dude from the music club, hanging out by their lockers, talking.

Suddenly he remembered Jake, and the music club, and Jake's announcement that one morning, and how Jake didn't care for him and it was all because of that stupid ass music club.

"Hey, why don't we have a word those two loosers?" Drew said, pointing to them. The words came out as anger, but Liam and Henry smirked and nodded without noticing and walked over to them, trailing behing Drew.

"Hey, freaks." Drew said with a smirk. The purple-haired one saw Drew and his expression quickly changed from softness to annoy. "Did your little cringe competition go well?" The three snickered.

"Why are you three here?" Said the ginger one. "To pick a fight? How immature."

"Yeah, and actually, for your information, we won it." The purple haired one said.

"Oh, thats so impressive." Drew sarcastically replied.

"Are you sure it wasn't a participation award?" Liam joked.

Drew laughed, "Yeah, whats so special about it anyway, playing music? Trying to serenade your little boyfriend?" He asked rhetorically, looking to the ginger and back at the one with purple hair.

"Let's just go, Dear." Said the ginger, with a sigh.

'Dear?' Drew raised an eyebrow, looking between the two for something more.

And found that they were something more, than friends, that is.

They were... together.

Isn't it just ridiculous how Drew's initial reaction was not to laugh, or disgust, or to roll his eyes, but... Maybe, just a little bit of a tinge of... Jealousy, was it? But Drew ignored that feeling, instead opting to drown it all out with the former.

"Oh," Drew laughed. "Well, thats fitting." Liam and Henry looked towards each other than back at Drew.

"What is that supposed to mean?" The purple-haired one looked at him with a mix of knowing anger and hopeful confusion.

"This isn't necessary. We should go." The ginger said, putting a hand on the purple-haired one's shoulder.

"No, no... I want to know what that's supposed to mean."

"It just means you guys are bigger freaks than I thought." Drew told them with a cocky smile plastered on his face.

That's all it was. Plastered. Stuck on, and stuck with him.

"Oh..." Liam said.

"Thats..." Henry breathed an awkward breath.

The purple haired kid seethed. "Oh, you little--"

"Cmon, Zander, we should go." The ginger told the purple haired one, presumably Zander.

Zander didn't listen. "Not yet, Luke." He said, a considerably softer tone than he used later, "You're an insecure asshole, Drew. You're not one of those bullies who think they're better than everyone else, you think you're worth less than them. And it is insane that you actually think you can make yourself feel better about it by taking it out on others who did nothing to you."

"Nothing?" Drew laughed, "You guys manipulated my friend!"

"Manipulated?!" Zander said, "That's not even the point of what we're talking about! And what do you mean 'manipulated'?!"

"Don't play dumb. You freaks have been manipulating Jake from the start. Making him stay there for longer and longer, until he dumped me for you guys. You all know what you've been doing!" Drew seethed. "You freaks stole him from me!"

Zander's face went from rage to confusion to surprise to a knowing smirk. "Thats interesting, Drew, I actually hated him for a long time. But it seems like you feel quite the opposite." He said.

Drew meant to say it in a normal, maybe even confused tone, but it somehow came out even angrier than what he'd said before, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, touchy subject I see." Zander quoted, that same cocky smirk still on his face. "Let's go now, Luke."

And then they both walked away, leaving Drew stunned.

Henry and Liam were oddly quiet.

"Are you two gonna say anything?" Drew turned to them, but Henry was deeply fascinated by the floor and Liam seemed to think the beige walls looked nice today. "Really?"

"Whatever. Let's go."

Later that day

Liam and Henry didn't really talk to Drew that much after that whole incident, but they still came over to his house to play video games.

The game was two-player--the same one that Jake and him had been playing the day someone recorded him saying those nasty things about the music club (Drew assumed it was Zoey, but he didn't have any real evidence)--so they were taking turns, but right now it was Henry and Liam's turn. Drew could've paid attention and commented on their gameplay, but he couldn't help but stare at his new painting, which the butler had finished drying and framing today.

Drew liked the way the colors looked against the black and white grain of his room, a vibrant pop rebelling against the two colors he was used to seeing. It wasn't that big of a painting, but it was noticeable, especially with how it contrasted and fought with the rest of his room. Liam and Henry commented on it and how nice it was when they came in, but Drew lied and told them he commissioned a professional.

It made Drew wondered why the butler liked painting so much. He even said it himself, it doesn't make much money.

'Well,' he guessed, 'I play video games, and that doesn't make money.' Maybe the butler liked painting like Drew liked video games; it's fun, but it's not like he played video games all the time, like the butler did.

And what about the music club? Sure, they can make money, but it's not very reliable, is it?

They all make art for free. The butler was willing to give that piece away. They don't get paid much, but they still make art.

Drew's thoughts were interrupted by a notification from his phone. He took it out of his pocked and saw it was someone anonymous on instagram.

'I saw you at the competition.' It said.

Drew's eyes widened. He knew he shouldn't have gone.

'who are you' Drew anxiously replied.

'I know you like Jake.' They texted, and Drew recoiled in shock. Who was this?

'no i dont. im not gay' Drew texted back, reasoning with not only the person behind the screen, but also himself.

The only person that he thought maybe thought that was Zander. Well, and Jake, obviously. But Drew found it unlikely. Could it be Zander behind the user? But why would Zander want to blackmail him?

The other text bubble appeared and disappeared before he got the text. 'I have ways of telling everyone this, including your dad. If you don't want him to know, meet me in front of the school after school tomorrow.'

Drew rolled his eyes at the person's attempt at blackmailing him. 'you dont have ways of telling my dad anything and i have nothing to hide'

'Social media, dumbass. I'll tag him in the post. And if that doesn't work, I'll DM him. And he'll believe me because of that little incident 3 years ago.' Whoever this was struck a nerve with him, but he was kind of impressed and terrified aswell.

Wait.

'That little incident'?

Do they mean...

How do they know about that? Unless it was Jake, or Jake told someone...

'who even are you' Drew asked.

'You'll find that out soon enough.'

"Hey, Drew, its your turn." Henry said unenthusiastically, handing the controller to him.

"What are you two so mad at me about?!" Drew was quick to anger after his text conversation. "What have I been doing that's so wrong that everyone I know is betraying me?!"

"No, Drew, it's nothing against you as a person, it's just..." Liam said and looked toward Henry then back at Drew, "We talked and... What you said to Zander and Luke back there was... Well..."

"Homophobic at best." Henry completed.

"What, are you two gay?" Drew remarked.

"You've got the wrong idea. Or, rather, thats not the point." Liam sighed, "Listen, we try to be upbeat and follow your lead most of the time, but I draw the line at hating someone for being in love."

"Yeah... And the things Zander said weren't cool either, but you can't be like that, bro." Henry said.

"Whatever. They're weirdos either way. Why are you on their side?" Drew asked.

Liam sighed. "I'm gonna go."

"Uh, yeah, I've got, like, a lot of homework... To do... And stuff. Bye." Henry got up and followed Liam out the door.

Drew didn't understand what he was doing wrong. All he wanted to be was good enough, and if he did something that made him good in one person's eyes, it'd ruin another. And he valued his parents the most, and his time with them when they were there.

Was that the right stance? It had to be. They only wanted the best for him. Only wanted him to succeed. They'd never do anything that made him feel bad for no good reason, right?

Drew reread the texts from the anonymous user.

'I know you like Jake.'

'no i dont. im not gay'

What was he supposed to do?

Chapter Text

Late at night the next day, in front of RoseMeadow high

Drew walked from his car to the school, shrouded in darkness from the just-set sun. Normally, the chauffeur would've drove him, but he didn't want anyone to know about this (and he knew how to drive, anyways).

He looked around for a while before finally seeing a figure in a black sweatshirt, hood pulled over their head. Drew wondered how no one had been suspicious of them--and how long had they even been here anyways?--but it didn't matter. He figured they had to be the anonymous user and walked over to them.

"You're here," the user, with a familiar voice, said. "Hello, Drew." They said with gritted teeth. They uncovered their hoodie.

"Hailey?!" Drew explaimed, surprised.

"Why are you so loud?" She rolled her eyes.

"Why did you bring me here?" He interrogated back.

Hailey ignored his antics. "Before I tell you anything, I want to remind you that I have dirt on you." She told him.

Drew rolled his eyes. "Spit it out, blue hair."

Hailey got close to him intimidatingly. "I will not stand for the way you treated my brother and Luke. Those two are my family, and I will not sit by as they get hatecrimed by your hypocritical ass."

Drew scoffed, ignoring the comment at the end. "This again?"

"What do you mean 'this again'?" Hailey asked. "Nevermind, I have a better question."

Drew raised an eyebrow. "What now?"

"Why do you bully all of us?" She said.

"You're freaks," Drew laughed, "That's why."

"Why do you think that?" Hailey continued.

"Whats with the interrogation?"

"I actually just don't understand why you're doing this." Hailey said, frustrated. "I'm trying to understand you right now. This is your one and only chance, Drew. To prove to me that maybe you have a heart under all that bullshit you spew."

Drew wasn't understood by anyone and never wanted to. If someone truly understood Drew, they'd know his secrets, the deep dark memories he kept locked in there, the things that make him sad and scared and want to cry. Drew didn't want anyone to know those things.

So he didn't know why he told Hailey of all.

Maybe it was because he was angry at her.

Maybe it was because he was jealous of her.

Maybe it was because she asked.

Or maybe because he did want someone to understand.

"Well, maybe you'd understand if you were never enough for anyone!" Drew said, blinking back the glassiness in his eyes. "If your parents were never there, or if you had nothing to look forward to in the future. If you couldn't just go around doing whatever you want! You're privileged, Hailey. My parents will never love me!" Tears rose to prickle their way past Drew's eyes, but he had enough years of practice to make them go away. There was no way he was also crying in front of Hailey.

Hailey, she... had a sort of soft look in her eye. Something he wasn't sure how to read. Something that seemed kind, almost like she did understand--

But when Drew said the second to last line, Hailey's face changed from that soft look--pity, empathy, maybe understanding?--to anger.

And it was nothing like he'd seen from her.

Drew had seen Hailey pissed off and annoyed by him, but not angry. Not like she was now.

And Drew almost flinched at the subtle tremor of her eyebrow when he remembered she, in fact, had blackmail on him.

'Oh shit." Drew thought. 'What am I gonna do if she tells my dad that?'

But luckily, Hailey didn't give him enough time for his thoughts to fester.

"You think I'm privileged?! Your parents are made of money. My mom died when I was five!" She teared up, and unlike him, let the tears begrudgingly fall. "Your parents may not be there often, but at least they'll come back. They may never love you, but at least there was no love to ever long for. Zander and Luke are almost all I have and you have me fucked up if you think I'm going to let you of all people harass them for being together!"

Drew's eyes widened and he stayed silent, trying to process that, and Hailey took a few seconds to breathe and wipe her tears. Drew had no idea about that. What was he supposed to say? No words or even ideas came up in his mind.

"I'm sorry, Drew. I did want to listen. I did want to try." Hailey said. "But, that, uh, triggered me."

"Why?" Was all he could muster up to say. "Why did you even want to listen to me?

Hailey sighed, "Jake's been sad without you around. He says nothing has changed, but I can see the difference. Recently, he told me about what happened with you two way back when and... When I heard what you said to Zander, my initial reaction was... to fix this; to fix you."

Hailey looked to the sky and the few stars up there. "I don't even know why I bothered try to help. But if you apologize to Zander and Luke and never talk to them again, this will all be over."

Drew crossed his arms and looked to the side. "I guess."

"Good. You have a week before I post," Hailey said and walked away.

'What a mess.' Drew thought on his way back to the car.

'I should've ordered dinner before I went out.' Drew thought, dropping his bag carelessly at the door. 'I should go find the butler.'

Drew looked around the house for the butler, and when he didn't find him there he tried the butlers house. He knocked on the door and the butler told him to enter.

Drew grew up in a house that looked like it was in an old film. Not shades of gray, per se, but a sleek black and white that coated everything in sight. So he was very surprised to see the butlers cottage--if you could even call it that--covered in colors and saturation and brightness and contrast. The colors took shapes of people, places, things, feelings, and everything Drew had ever felt but never expressed.

It was so alien to him. Or maybe it was extremely human, and he hadn't seen a place like that in a long, long, time. He couldn't believe a house so tiny and so messy could... Maybe look like a comforting place to live in.

"Sorry it's such a mess... sir." The butler said, turning his head away from his painting and taking off his apron. "What would you like?"

"Oh, I was just gonna order dinner." Drew said nonchalant, though he was still entranced by the place.

"What would you like, sir?" The butler asked.

But Drew's eyes instead darted to what the butler had been painting before. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, I'm just practicing painting the perspective of the place." He glanced back before looking at Drew again. "What would you like for dinner, sir?"

"Do you have fun with that?" Drew asked.

"Painting? Yes, sir." The butler nodded.

Drew stared blankly into the half-painted canvas--only a wash of blue and faint outline of the objects in front of it--and wondered what the world would look like with passion. No, he wondered what his world would look like if he had passion.

Maybe Jake's been right all along. Maybe Drew was in the wrong. And maybe Liam and Drew were too, and maybe Drew's parents have been the only thing really stopping him from being who he wants; from being happy.

"Sir? Sir? Are you there? What would you like for dinner?" The butler interrupted.

"Oh." Drew snapped out of his trance. "Uh, something quick. I dont really care." He said, far away. "Why do you like painting so much?" He followed up.

"Um..." The butler thought, "I guess it's an outlet for my emotions."

"For your emotions?" Drew scoffed. Emotions? An outlet? What does that matter? "What about money? You said it doesn't make much."

"Well... It's fun." The butler shrugged.

"That doesn't make any sense." Drew remarked. "Aren't you wasting your time?"

"You seem to have a lot of questions. Why dont you try?" He offered.

"Uhm..." Drew glanced around. "I'd rather spend my time productively." He replied, more a knee-jerk reaction than a genuine answer.

"If you insist. But my art studio-- I mean, house, is always open if you want to paint, sir." The butler smiled.

Drew walked out the cottage and went back into his bland, empty, room in his bland, empty, house.

Bland and empty; white and black. Utterly under-stimulating.

Well, besides the painting.

The next day, RoseMeadow high

Drew decided he was, in fact, just a little terrified of what Hailey might post and or say to his dad. He wondered what the exact words would be. Would she tell a lie about catching him with someone? Would it be Jake? Or would she just straight up say some shit like, 'Hi Drew's dad, your son is gay'.

But he didn't want either of those outcomes, so between classes, he deliberately searched for Zander and Luke to apologize to them.

Though, he hadn't really apologized sincerely very often, so... He just hoped it wouldn't be too awkward.

When Drew was beginning to approach them, Zander and Luke had been looking at each other with those stupid lovey-dovey eyes and kissed--presumably goodbye--before Drew walked near and their facial expressions darkened.

Drew had a tinge of the same feeling he had from last time he talked to them, but ignored it.

"Hey," was all Drew said to try and hold his tongue.

"Why are you here again?" Luke said, looking considerably more angry to ses him a second time.

"Woah, woah, I'm not going to commit a hate-crime ." Drew said as a joke, chuckling, but the two just looked towards each other then back at him like he did commit a hate-crime. "Too soon?"

"I second Luke's question." Zander said, suspicious.

"I, uh." Drew tried to think of what to say. He never really faked an apology like this before; he had to make it sound sincere. The stakes were too high. "I didn't... mean... what I said... to come off as..." Zander and Luke looked impatient. "Homophobic, I guess. I just meant to make fun of your whole... music shtick." Drew looked off over to the side.

"Uh-huh..." Zander said.

"Yeah, I just... Thought it was fitting that... two music freaks would date..." Drew said. "That's all." he lied.

Zander looked toward Luke and Luke shrugged. "Okay, uh... Thanks for apologizing...?" Luke said.

"Yeah, uh, I'm gonna go." Drew said, walking away from the awkward conversation. God, that was probably more awkward than asking Zoey out for the first time.

But that whole awkward conversation made him think--should he really have said those things?

'I mean...' Drew briefly thought, 'They're not wrong. I was kinda being homophobic.'

But his train of thought was interrupted upon seeing Liam and Henry. He supposed whether or not he was right or wrong he should patch up their friendship.

"Liam. Henry." Drew said.

Liam looked at him blankly. "What is it, man?"

"I've just been thinking," Drew leaned on his locker, "Maybe I shouldn'tve said those things."

"You think?" Henry said.

"Yeah," Drew sighed. "I get your guys' point. I guess I overstepped." He admitted.

Liam seemed to be pleasantly surprised. "I'm glad you get it now. It was starting to get boring with just this guy around," he nudged Henry.

"Hey! Whats that for?" Henry said.

But Drew was just happy they were okay again. In terms of if he meant the apology... The more he thought about it, the more he realized he may have been being cruel.

And Drew thought of back then, that day his dad yelled at him. Sure, his dad had yelled at him before and after, but that particular day always sticks out in his mind. He remembered how loud his dad was, the sheer force of his words--as if they were trying imprint themselves on the very way he thought.

Maybe that was it.

To protect himself from violence, he had to become it; to show everyone else the pain he felt, so that they could be the ones fearing instead of him. He never wanted to fear again. But, despite everything...

He still did. And today was proof of that. 

Chapter Text

Drew's next stop that day was science. Him and Jake hadn't talked much in science since the competition, and he could tell Jake was sort of ignoring him--most likely assuming Drew didn't go. Which is what he wanted.

He thought. But after what Hailey said the other day, he was tempted to actually try to talk to Jake.

'Jake's been sad without you around.' She had said, and Drew smiled cockily at the thought as he watched Jake pour a substance into a glass vial.

"Jake?" Drew said, still looking at the glass.

"Damn it, I knew I was wrong!" Jake cursed, assuming what Drew said was to do with the assignment.

"No, not that. That's right. I just..." Drew hesitated, "Did you talk to Hailey about anything recently?"

"Uh, yeah, we talk a lot. We're in a band together?" Jake said, confused.

"No, like," Drew sighed. "Nevermind."

There was a loud silence.

"She told me you were at the competition." Jake broke the silence, his words quick. "Were you?"

Drew almost flinched at that.

He wasn't sure how to answer that. Well, actually, he was, Jake just gave him the illusion of choice, really.

Or rather, he was giving Drew a different choice, and there were two options. Silence and 'yes'.

Did Jake really mean to use him? Maybe he was looking too deep into things after all. He treated Drew kindly... He just didn't show up, recently. But maybe now that the band competition was over...? 

Maybe he could be friends with Jake. Just one more try. One more chance.

"...Yeah." 

Jake laughed quietly, "My charms are too much for anyone to handle."

"You were basically on your hands and knees begging me to go," Drew teased. "Your 'charm' was grovelling."

"I-- don't know what you mean, what...?" Jake said, feigning flusteredness. "Anyways, I'm glad you came to the music competition. Did--, were we good?"

Jake had a slight smile on his face and Drew, as per usual, couldn't help but smile back, answering his question. Some things never change.

Speaking of things that never change. "Hey, why don't you come over to my house to play games with me and the boys? Like old times," Drew asked.

"Alrighty... hope you know I'm still hanging with the band." Jake said, slightly suspicious of Drew. 

"It's... alright. I guess."

"We wont be practicing so often because the music competition is over, so don't worry yourself one little bit, Drew." Jake said teasingly.

Drew's theory seemed to be right, but he just hoped Jake would hold up to his promise.

He liked keeping Jake at a distance--he had to--but he only kept him so far. He wanted to be friends with Jake, and always found himself drifting back to him, but at the same time, too close and things would drift farther and farther and things would change and end up like--

Friends. Best friends. That's the perfect distance apart.

At Drew's house, before Liam, Henry, and Jake got there

The painting loomed over him, enticing him like a portal to someplace else. He stood in front of where it was mounted and imagined other realities in which he felt normal, or happy, or both. He wanted to take the paint from the butlers cottage and coat every single marble black and white surface with color. To lay in a place and it feel like home and not a prison; devoid of life.

And what did Drew want to do when he got older, moved out, took on the company? Would he have time to do anything but work at the company? His parents seem to have no time at all. 

But Drew would hate his life if he had to do that. Be his parents. Work all the time. Get married; have a wife. Have kids, then make them take on the company. And then finally get to rest and relax. 

He didn't wanna be his parents, or go to meetings, or get married and have kids with his wife, or make them have the same responsibilities he never asked for, or work at that stupid ass company. How could Drew live that life and enjoy it, when it seemed like utter hell to him?

Well, then, what did he want? 

All he know was that he didn't want that.

He wanted what the painting had to offer. A glimmer of hope against a dull plaster wall. Maybe the future wouldn't be so bad; maybe he could take the future in his grasp and shape it to be what he wants. And maybe the future could be his own, and not someone else's idea of what he should do or who he should be.

Drew heard the doorbell, snapping him out of his thought, and realized it was the boys. He went out his room, down the stairs to the foyer where the butler had let them in. 

"Hey Drew!" Jake said.

"Hey. Nice to see you guys. I got the PS5 plugged in in my room." Drew told the three, making his way to his room.

They all complained on the way up the stairs to his room, Jake commenting on how he didn't miss the walk. Drew didn't really get it--he had to do it everyday--but eventually the complaining stopped.

And so, the crew made it up the winding stairs to Drew's room. Drew turned the PS5 on and went to the game they were gonna play. 

"So, Drew... You apologized to your Jake-y poo?" Henry said.

"Yeah, didn't know you to be so much for apologies," Liam commented.

"What do you mean 'so much for apologies'?" Jake asked.

Liam and Henry looked at each other then at Drew and back at Jake. "It, uh, doesn't matter. Did you preorder that Gacha Switch 2, Drew?" Liam said.

"..Yeah." Drew said. He realized when Henry said something about apologizing that he never really apologized to Jake, but just laughed and invited him over. 

He figured he should probably do that, but while playing games, he never really found an opening.

"Oh my God... I... I won!" Henry practically shouted. "I won!" 

"Good job, Henry," Jake said.

"I didn't know you knew how to do that," Drew joked.

"Yeah, that was a good one," said Liam.

"Well, why don't we end this on a high point and go watch something in the theatre?" Drew asked.

"Why not?" Jake smiled. Drew subconsciously smiled back. 

He missed that; Jake's contagious smile, though he'd never admit something like that.

"You guys know where it is, right? I'm going to stay and turn off the PS5 correctly." Drew said.

"Okay," Henry said, and both Liam and him went out, but Jake stopped before making his way out.

"Woah... Is that new?" Jake asked, looking at the painting mounted on Drew's wall.

"Yeah. I, uh, commissioned it." Drew lied.

"It really helps the room. I mean, it looks out of place, but it... weirdly makes sense?" Jake looked back at Drew. "I dunno, I'm not making sense."

They stared at each other for awhile until Drew spoke.

"Hey, uh..." Drew started, "I should say... that... I'm sorry for calling you a freak like that." 

Jake nodded. "Listen, I've been thinking a lot about things," Drew almost instinctively grabbed Jake's hand, "and I think--" 

And then Drew realized what he'd done.

And it all came pouring back.

The warmth of Jake's hands... and the harshness of his dad's voice.

His heart beating out of his chest when he looked at Jake... and when his dad scolded him.

...And of course, the tear that ran down his face.

'Why can't you just be a good fucking son, for God's sake?!'

"No." was all Drew said out loud as he panicked and snatched his hand away from Jake's.

"Uh, Drew?" Jake said, "Are you okay?" he almost looked a little hurt, but seemed to brush it off.

And even if he could hear well, Drew couldn't reply. His breath was hitched in his throat, and it was three years ago again.

'--the hell did I just see..'  He saw it all again,

His eyes watered as he struggled to breathe completely.

'--understand what you're doing..'  the suitcase,

Stifled breaths in and out and in and out and in and out and in and out.

'--because of that desire..'  Jakes expression,

Both times, now and then, and then and now, and then is now and now is then.

'--so goddamn avoidable..' the way his dad's eye twitched,

He was still that stupid kid who believed he could make his future his own.

'--always been annoying..' the loudness.

"Drew? Drew?!" Jake tried to get ahold of Drew, but he couldn't hear over all the noise in his head.

'--want whats best for you..' it was so loud.

Memories flashed through his mind, feeling like forever yet only being a few seconds.

'Why can't you just be a good fucking son, for God's sake?!'  the tear.

"I, uh..." Drew forced out. "Am gonna go to the bathroom."

"Are you okay?" Jake asked.

Drew turned around towards the direction of his bathroom. "Yeah... just go." 

Jake looked like he wanted to step in before he decided otherwise. "Okay... I'm going to be with the boys in the theatre. Take care of yourself."

Drew hated when Jake was like that. When he was kind even though Drew didn't deserve it. 

When Drew got to the bathroom and closed the door, he dropped and stared at the blank white wall in front of him.

The thoughts running through his mind replayed the way his dad scolded him as he thought about how dumb he was for doing that, almost as if his dad was there to scold him again. 'Holding Jake's hand again? Really?' He thought.

Drew somehow got himself off the floor and supported himself with the sink. No tears streamed down his face. 'Thank God.' He thought, though, the space directly under his eyes were wet, as if the tears thought of falling past his eye-bags but decided against it. (Yes, he had eye-bags now--the past couple of days had not been very nice to him, sleep-wise, between being blackmailed and his friends hating him, and he supposed his sleep wouldn't get any better, especially after this.)

He forced his breath to still. It was hard, and his voice still shook a bit when he took a breath, but eventually he got the world to not look so much like it did three years ago on that day.

Drew looked at himself in the mirror with contempt. Why'd he ever apologize to anyone? His parents were right. 

Something was wrong with him to keep coming back.

November 12, 2018

"Yeah. I'll see you guys later." Drew said as himself, Jake, Henry, and Liam walked in separate directions out of the school.

Jake stopped in his tracks at some point. "Drew."

Drew turned around at the mention of his name. "Yeah?" He faked a bored expression, "What's up?"

"I, uh..." Jake seemed to have a hard time getting the words out, "What happened at the sleepover, listen, I'm so--"

"Don't." Drew's expression dropped before he turned back around.

"It's just cruel that--"

"I said don't!" Drew lashed out, wincing at the fact he sounded like his dad. "It's my fault. You did nothing wrong." He began to walk away.

"Wait, Drew!" Jake said again.

Drew kept on walking, but Jake tried to keep up in his direction before Drew got to his car.

"Did that... mean anything to you?" Jake asked.

That made Drew stop.

Drew could go running into Jake's arms for comfort if he wanted to. Tell him everything that's happened. Tell him how he feels. Drew could tell Jake that he's never felt this way about someone else before, and he didn't know why his dad lashed out like that, and he didn't know what to do--at all. 

But he didn't. 

"No."

Present Day

"You're here!" Jake said when Drew got to the theatre. "You okay?" He said, looking around before whispering.

"I'm fine." Drew said, walking past him to a seat in the middle.

The movie wasn't that interesting to Drew. Not with all the other things on his mind. He didn't know why he apologized, why he made up with Jake. 

Or why he even tried. Because every time he got even a little close to Jake it seemed to quickly escalate. Maybe him and Jake were better off as acquaintances, lab partners, or even enemies.

Was enemies the closest they could ever be?

"I'll go get some snacks." Drew used as an excuse to get away, half from his own mind and half from he fact he was sitting next to Jake.

"I'll go with you. I'm very particular about my brand of chips," Jake quipped.

Drew quietly sighed and  made his way to this kitchen with Jake trailing behind him.

"So..." Jake said, once they'd gotten there.

"You like cheese-flavored Sun Chips." Drew said, grabbing a mini bag out of the chip drawer, which had quite a few bags of that particular kind in it.

Jake looked silently at the drawer for a bit, then sighed. "What happened?"

"What do you mean?" Drew said, collecting the other chips bags and drinks. 

"You know what I mean--" Jake looked at him then sighed. "You know what? It's fine." he said in a particularly stern tone.

Drew looked at Jake without moving his head and then back at what he was doing. "Can you take some of these? Since you're here to help me."

"Yeah," Jake said quietly, grabbing the items Drew put on the counter for him to pick up.

"Well... How have you and Hailey been going?" Drew asked as they walked to the theatre.

"Huh? I don't like Hailey." Jake said.

"Really?" Drew said in the same dragged-out tone Henry and Liam would use when they didn't believe someone.

"Yeah, really. I see her more as a sister than anything." Jake told him.

"Alright, then. What about Daisy? How'd your confession for her go?" Drew asked.

"Oh, look, we're almost there!" Jake pointed to the theatre door.

"...Jake." Drew said.

"I cannot wait to eat those deliciously cheesy Sun Chips!" He exclaimed.

Drew eyed Jake weirdly. What was up with him?

The rest of the movie was fine, but Drew was suspicious of Jake, so he made Liam and Henry stay longer by telling them there was secret end credits.

"I lied." Drew said with a smug expression when Jake walked out.

"What?! I totally wanted to know what happened next!" Henry whined.

"Do you guys think Jake's been acting weird?" Drew asked.

"No, but you have." Liam said.

Drew made a stern expression. "I asked him about Daisy and the competition and he totally brushed me off." 

"Dude, I knew it! He has a crush on that blue-haired girl from his club!" Henry practically shouted.

"He told said he sees her as more of a sister..." Drew mirrored what Jake said.

Henry was dumbfounded. "What."

"Yeah..."

"You're kidding." 

"No..."

"Okay so whats the problem again?" Liam asked.

"It's... I dunno. He either didn't confess to Daisy or he got rejected." Drew told him.

"Huh..." Liam's expression changed to mischief. "Why are you so caught up on this?"

"Yeah, Drew... Why do you care so much about Jake's love life?" Henry asked teasingly.

"What are you saying?" Drew asked.

"Looks like our Drew-y's already got another one lined up..." Liam said.

Drew's face darkened as he realized what they were implying.

"Liam."

"You got over Zoey crazy quick, bro," Henry commented.

"Henry."

"What? Dont get so worked up, we're just having a little fun. We don't actually believe you like Jake like that." Liam said, "Unless?" 

"No." Drew said more agressive than he expected. "You guys are never any help," he said, walking out.

"Woah, Drew, c'mon, we didn't mean it like that." Henry said, following him out. "We don't care if you do or don't like Jake." 

Drew stormed up the stairs. "Which, uh, you don't!" Henry continued to follow.

"Just go, Henry. Find Jake and hang out with him for a little." Drew said with a slightly calmed voice. 

He made his way to his room, and as soon as he saw the painting again, it angered him.

How could he want something like that up on his wall, something that interrupted the consistency of the sleek white wall? The color was so uncomfortable; he wasn't used to it. So he took it off the wall and stuffed it into a bottom drawer in his walk-in closet.

He then sat on his bed, staring at the space the painting once was. What's wrong with him? Holding Jake's hand? Really? He thought he was over that. That he wouldn't do something like that again. What if his dad came in and caught him again? What would ensue then? Drew shivered at the thought.

Drew's thoughts were interrupted by a knock. "Come in." He said.

"What happened?" A tinier voice than he expected said. His littler sister, Jenifer. They didn't really talk much, now she was older and didn't need babysitting--or, at least, to their parents and her, she didn't. Drew honestly forgot she was there most of the time--she was typically on her phone, talking with her other preteen friends--so he was quite surprised.

"Jen. What do you mean?" Drew asked the eleven-year-old.

"Like, that green-haired weirdo was all yelling about you like-liking your friend. Tell me the story, I'm so bored." Jenifer flopped onto Drew's bed next to him.

"It's nothing. Henry's just dumb," Drew brushed off. "Where were you when you heard that?"

"In my room. He was, like, yelling, bro." Jenifer said with an accidental attitude.

Drew scoffed. "Well. I'm going to hang out with my friends. Bye, Jenifer."

"Ugh, you're so boring. You suck, Andrew." She said, walking back to her room. Drew rolled his eyes at his full name--he wasn't called it a lot, considering he was only called 'Andrew' by his family.

His family was funny in that way, he always felt like he was talking to acquaintances he lived with rather than people he was supposed to be close with. But he figured that was normal.

The rest of the sleepover was fine. Drew just kinda played games, kept on his phone, and avoided eye-contact with Jake.

And for a split second, while he was in his own mind, he questioned if maybe, just maybe, Liam, Henry, Zander and even Hailey were right. But then, the next second, Drew had remembered that that was wrong.

That him being happy was wrong.