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“Now, you try on the dress,” Rebecca says. The bodice of Jayma’s wedding dress is so tight that it’s making breathing a little difficult, but she tries to play it off. “Let’s see how it looks with some nice B-cup action in there.”
“No. I couldn’t,” Valencia replies, smiling like she totally could.
“Yes, you can. Give me a sec to pry myself out of this dress, then it’s your turn.” Rebecca gives Valencia a playful ‘you’re next’ look before wrestling the giant train back into the fitting room and pulling the curtain closed.
“So what’s your deal?” Valencia calls out casually, apropo of nothing. “Besides trying to steal my man, I mean. Why are you still single?”
It’s odd, Valencia showing any interest in someone other than herself. It throws Rebecca off.
“I just haven't met the right person yet,” Rebecca answers. It doesn't come out quite as confidently as she’d like, but it's doubtful Valencia notices.
“What about Greg?” Valencia asks. “Or did you break his heart?”
“What?” Where did that come from?
“When Greg and I were trying to prove you were lying about the water lawsuit and Trent. I mean, I know why I did it.”
“I know. It's okay—”
“I wasn't apologizing. You did end up kissing my boyfriend. But Greg cared a lot, like he was trying to get revenge or something.”
Rebecca pauses her struggle to unzip the caught zipper behind her back. At the time, she did wonder why Greg got all “hell hath no fury” on her but didn't give it any further thought.
Valencia continues, “He hasn’t been that focused on anything since…”
Rebecca waits for the end of the sentence that doesn't come. “Since when?”
“I can’t remember. Since high school when he was a total overachieving nerd, I guess. Now he's just a slacker nerd. Anyway, I figured it had something to do with that crush he’s had on you since you moved here.”
Rebecca makes a mental note to go back to teenaged Greg being an overachieving nerd. She shakes her head. “Greg and I aren't compatible that way.”
“Why not? You're both solid fours. Eh, with your boobs, maybe a five, but I don't know. You might be pretty saggy. I'll stick with the four.”
Rebecca knows she’s at least a six, but she figures now’s not the time for that argument. “Thanks, but I'm not saying we’re out of each other’s leagues. I'm saying he and I are too combative.” When there’s no response, she clarifies, “We fight every time we see each other.”
“Ohhh,” Valencia says, finally understanding, “but that just means there’s a spark. That’s important. Maybe you should give him a shot.”
Rebecca freezes. What is this world where Valencia, of all people, is giving her love life advice—and not just any advice. Valencia is actually suggesting that she hook up with Greg.
Valencia adds, “Unless you think he has a small dick or something.”
Rebecca almost rips the dress in surprise as she slips it off. “What? No. I haven't thought about his dick. I mean, it's not small, but—”
“What? Wait. How do you know? Did you hook up with him?” Valencia gasps. “You did break his heart!”
“Nononono. We didn't hook up. We just…were in the vicinity of a hook up. Like, we drove through the neighborhood, but we couldn't find a parking place.”
“What are you talking about? You hooked up in his car?”
“The car’s an analogy. Never mind. We just made out a little. It was a long time ago, before we really knew each other.” Rebecca quickly throws her regular clothes back on.
“You knew him well enough to find out how big—”
“Look, there was almost hand stuff, but it didn’t happen. It's not important.” She bursts out of the dressing room and thrusts the dress into Valencia’s hands. “Hey, let’s get you into this dress!”
Valencia stands and is about to push past Rebecca when she seems to think better of it. “Greg’s a decent guy...if you like that angry dork thing he has going on. You should be with someone who really likes you.”
“Thanks, Valencia. That’s nice of you to say.”
Valencia gives her a small smile and takes the dress into the dressing room.
When the curtain is fully closed, Rebecca downs the remaining champagne in her glass, then Valencia’s glass. She thinks for a moment before chugging straight from the bottle. If even Valencia is giving her advice about Greg, Rebecca is definitely going to need this.