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Ena stared into blackness from the uncomfortable bed. A carnival of shadows danced across the ceiling. They shifted and morphed into each other as Ena’s eyes deceived her. If she looked for long enough, surely she would find a speck of light within the darkness.
In the dark, there was no today or tomorrow. No judgment. No expectations.
No failure.
This wasn’t a cramped hotel room with four walls, it was a vast sea of nothingness. She let her body dissolve in it. The shame and regret inside her dissipated within its murky depths.
A small movement in the bed yanked her back to reality. To her right, Kanade turned in her sleep.
Let me go back to that safe darkness, Ena thought. Kanade had been kind enough to travel with her to an art competition known to jumpstart careers should a piece receive attention. She knew her chances of performing well were slim. She’d told herself “it doesn’t matter what happens, these are the steps you have to take on this path.” She thought she’d accepted her abilities falling short once again.
Her passion could’ve been anything else, something she might be able to excel at and have her hard work and tears pay off, instead of being told over and over that what she’d created from her pain wasn’t good enough.
“Why…?” Ena whispered. A warm tear ran down her cheek onto the pillow. The room grew brighter as morning approached. Please, don’t let morning come. Just let me stay like this.
Small, soft fingers brushed Ena’s hand. She looked to her right, and saw a half-asleep Kanade looking at her.
“Kanade…”
“Mmm… good morning, Ena,” Kanade said with a yawn.
“I’m sorry for waking you.”
“It’s okay, I’m used to not getting much sleep.”
One more reason to feel guilty.
Kanade’s expression was so gentle. Her serene smile and sleepy eyes enveloped Ena in an embrace of unspoken affection and acceptance.
Ena averted her gaze.
“It hurts, Kanade.”
Her words hung in the silence of the room.
“I know.”
“I don’t have anywhere to run to. This is all there is. So how can I…”
Kanade’s hand slipped into Ena’s.
“Because this is who you are.”
“...It’d be easier if you just told me to give up.”
Kanade reached up with a hand, and turned Ena to look at her.
“Ena.”
The love in her eyes scared Ena even more than the approaching sun.
“When you pour yourself into your art, I see you fully. Your passion, your pain, your love. I know it’s selfish of me, but I don’t want to let that part of you disappear. So I’ll be by your side throughout all of this. Neither of us can save the other. But we can still hold each other’s hands.”
“...What if you get tired of things never changing? Of doing this over and over. Even if you’re okay with it right now, you may get fed up eventually.”
“I don’t think that’ll happen. After all, we’re both bound to the same curse.”
Ena fell silent. Kanade pulled her close and held her head against her chest.
“There’s still time before the sun is up. Rest Ena. I’ll be here when you wake.”