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She is hurt.
Everytime.
Whenever she sees him, whenever they lock eyes, whenever he touches her and even whenever they just have the feeling that the other is near them. But why would she be hurt? It’s not like he had done something awful like hitting her, insulting her or pissing her off. No, they are best friends… well again. And the reason she’s hurt is simply love.
The love the both of them once had shared, the one that filled their lives with happiness and joy. But now, they are over and the happiness is gone. It’s dead and gone only leaving behind the immense amount of pain, which stays as reminder for their break up. Nevertheless she isn't able to let go. It’s just impossible for her to forget all the memories they shared, no matter if they are happy or sad - just the thought of forgetting him or any of this tears her apart.
It went really like this, they broke up and he wanted her to forget everything. He even said he would pretend that he had never met her. But she cut in and asked if they at least could be friends again, if not for them - then at least for his sister's sake. Octavia was the part that made everything in this sistuation more complicated than it has been in their previous relationships. Not that Clarke herself had a track record of good ex-relationships and could be a judge of that, but from what she heard it's still more complicated. It's true, though - who can actually say that their best friend and brother hated each other, fell in love, got together, broke up and became friends again? With time they even grew again to best friends again.
But that was no surprise, like how much they knew each other before everything went south. Heck, even before they got together. However they still had a crack in their friendship. The crack called break up. It seemed like mutual agreement that it should be ignored, lived like it wasn’t there. Even the rest of the gang seemed to have gotten that memo and never once tried to meddle. Well, at least not after their few failed attempts. But it just showed them they cared and gave both, Clarke and Bellamy, even more reason to make this friendship work.
So now they have to live with the consequences. - Both are suffering, because they noticed that they made a mistake. But at the same time both are too stubborn to admit their mistake. And that causes them even more pain, more because they let the time go by and the more time passes the more pain they will have.
Looking at them and their behavior, it seems like they haven’t noticed that yet.
They still go their separate ways. Both of them going away with the feeling that the other hates them pretending not to for the sake of their friends, while in reality they really just want to go back in time and take back every nasty thing that ever left their mouths. The hurtful truths they once admitted to each other in their most vulnerable times. Forgetting the looks of betrayal, hurt, anger and utter hate that flickered in their eyes during that last stormy fight. But most of all, never wanting to hear the soft click of the door that ended everything - after the storm a deafening silence, all just with a soft click. No more words, looks, anything - just his figure walking out and the door closing softly.
They see each other quite frequently now, still in denial though. She knows she should do something, as it has been too long already. And it seems as if somehow he has that exact same thought when they gather their bags to leave after their (now again) usual Friday lunch break.
“Clarke.” Bellamy calls out, just as she is a few steps away from her car. Both having already separated at the door of Lincoln's little dinner.
“Bellamy.” She chocks out, turning around to see him standing there with a wary expression, unsure if he really does the right thing. But hearing her so chocked up, because she obviously didn't even had the time to get in the safety of her car to break down again, he thinks he made the right choice.
“I’m sorry.” He whispers barley audible but still enough for her to understand, having moved closer to her - yet not close enough.
“Me too.” She answers in the same quiet voice.
“Can't we just forget and start over again?” he asks biting his lip in a shy way, just to make her heart beating even faster than it already does.
“We…we can’t… if we do, we'll just make the same mistakes again…” she states, all chocked up again. Too many failed relationship gone bad haunting her to just let go and try - take a risk without over thinking it.
“Well I can’t promise that everything is going to be okay...but we can work on it. Together.” He says calmy, getting closer to her with a few steps; knowing exactly what's keeping her. One of the vulnerable things she threw back in her face a few months ago.
“Together?” She chocked out with a sob.
“Yeah, together..” He whispers nodding, tearful himself. Blaming himself for what he sees in that very moment. But her eyes never leave his and he sees the change that determines his decision to take her hand and pull her in a tight hug. Clarke stiffens for a second before the inaudible sigh of relief has her falling in his touch. He gives one himself, pressing a kiss to her hair and let's his eyes close so he can relax into this moment.
“I promise you if this will happen again, I won’t wait so long till I will talk to you.” She says, muffled by his shirt while she enjoys the familiar warmth she missed so much.
“And I promise to never break up with you again, we'll talk through it. Together.” He says kissing her forehead and holding her tighter.
"Together." She agrees, her breath having calmed, as did her heart.
Just when I thought you hated me, you turn around and do something totally amazing and I love you again.
Love is the most complicated thing in the world but it makes everything worth it!