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You were in Kaz’s room, the boy was sitting beside you. A random book that you borrowed from one of the bookstores was in his gloved hands. His brown eyes were glued to its pages and yours were glued to him. His hair was messy, cane somewhere near the bed. You’d come here shortly after you met with Nina at the White Rose. You’d told her the Crows had a job, and she was a key element in going ahead with this plan.
“But what if I kill him?” she’d asked, her eyes placed on her fingers, that she was fidgeting.
“Then it’s only one more body to hide,” you’d sat beside her on a couch in her room. You took her hand in yours and squeezed it. “Kaz will know what to do.”
“You’re speaking of him in such a gentle tone,” the Grisha had noticed, a playful smile appearing on her face. “I don’t think he deserves that.”
“Everyone deserves some love,” you’d winked in response.
On your way to the club, you were thinking about what you had said. Had you really just confessed your love to the biggest gossip in the whole Ketterdam? Yes, yes you had. You whined, silently. You hoped she wouldn’t tell anyone. You had come straight to Kaz’s room and despite his absence, you’d laid down on his bed, waiting for him.
“What are you doing here?” he asked, when he came into his room.
“I was bored,” you yawned, feeling the tiredness coming. “Wanted to spend some quality time with you.”
He rolled his eyes, but still had placed his cane away, and took off his coat. You gave him a book and he looked at it carefully, raising his eyebrows. You lifted your arm and grabbed your book. You yawned again, and made yourself comfortable. Minutes were passing slowly; your eyes involuntarily were drifting to him. Little did you know, his were also on you ever so often. Yet neither of you said anything. You felt your eyes closing, Kaz’s pillow was getting more comfortable with every second, and you knew it was all an outcome of another sleepless night.
Every time you tried to fall asleep, another nightmare made you wake up, your hands shaking and a scream down in your throat. Every night you woke up and felt like you just crossed the surface. You couldn’t breathe, panic attack was closer with every one nightmare.
This time, though, your eyes felt heavy. You closed them with a thought that you were doing it only for a second, but after some time, you fell asleep.
You saw Nina, she was trembling. Her fist was clenched and she was crying. You wanted to say something, but only a quiet whisper came out. You looked down and you saw a knife in your stomach. You looked behind you and you saw Kaz laying on the ground. His eyes lifeless, you started crying, you focused your eyes on the knife in you and quickly took this out. The blood started pouring, you felt a hand clenching on your arm. You lifted your sight and noticed Nina, her face now bloodied and dirty. She made you get up, but the pain was too hard to endure. You laid beside Kaz, intertwining your finger with his. You swore you could feel his fingers squeezing yours, and a barely hearable whisper coming out of his mouth.
“Y/n,” he said, his eyes still lifeless, eyelids closed. “Y/n.”
You opened your eyes and you saw Kaz hoovering over you, his eyes concerned, but focused on your face. Your cheeks were wet and probably red from embarrassment. You locked your eyes into his and rose your eyebrow.
“Are you okay?” you asked.
“Are you kidding me?” he questioned. “One minute you were laying, calmly, and another you were crying and saying my name.”
You opened your lips, shocked; you didn’t know you were saying his name. “I had a nightmare,” you explained, trying to keep your face blank.
Kaz remained silent for a minute, he was starring at you, looking at every feature on your face. “Do you want to talk about that?”
You sighed, the only person that had known about your episodes was Nina, she knew everything. You tried to stop your voice from trembling. “You were dead,” you whispered.
“What?”
“You were dead,” your voice got louder, but started shaking. You looked down at your fingers. “I saw your dead body, Kaz.”
He was looking at you, his eyes searching for yours. “Does it happen often?”
“Every night.”
“Are they,” he trailed, not sure if he wanted to say something more, “always about me being dead?”
“Majority of them, yes,” you placed you head on one of his pillows, it smelled like him. You faced his direction, waiting for him to do what you did. When he laid on his side, you continued. “But I saw Inej dying, Nina, Jesper and Wylan. Sometimes even Matthias. I think I saw too much death, and I’m afraid that one day, I’ll lose you as well.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” he said, forcefully. He placed his hand, palm down on the space between your pillows. You weren’t sure what he wanted to do, but you did the same. He intertwined your pinkie fingers, taking a deep breath. “I’m not going to leave you alone.”
“Thank you,” you felt your eyes watering, so you closed your eyelids.
“Also,” he started, you looked at him, locking your eyes. “If it helps, you can sleep here.”