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What would have happened if the girl hadn't said anything, if she hadn't confessed? What if she tried something new at that moment? All of those questions went through her head constantly. She was tired of the blame and the words that were thrown at her. They replayed in her head. “Why did you go crawling back to Orion?” That's the only thing she remembers from the moment clearly. After what happened she was destroyed. The people she was once friends with looked at her like she was a roach, a tick that had just been removed from a beloved pet.
It started at the beginning of seventh grade, in her homeroom. She had become friends with a girl in her class named Regalia. Regalia had brown hair that was in a short style. They kinda just clicked when they met; and they did everything together. “Can you help me with my prodigy Sophi?” Regalia had always had trouble with math, but the girl was great with it. “Sure, girly, I got you”. That was how most of that year went. Asking for help, receiving it, and taking tests. Regalia and the girl were in it together… well, they were.
Soon enough the girl met the friend group. Composed of four people including Regalia. There was Titian, the short but funny guy, who was very nice but got angry easily. Titian has brown hair and always wears his favorite coat, he was also obviously gay. There was Diana, the “mom” of the group; she made all the decisions. The girl never liked her very much. Diana has reddish curly hair and wears clothes that go with a certain aesthetic. Aesthetics like cottage core, or cloud core, things like that. Then there was Florence, who was logical and kind but also smart and silly. He was tall and had sandy blonde hair. He also had a favorite blue jacket. Ironic right? The there was Regalia in all her glory; nervous, kind, nosy, blind(Regalia had glasses).
They all sat and talked at recess with each other; but sometimes the girl was told to leave
“Sorry, Sophia, can you do something else? We’re talking about something” Diana had responded to the girl's presence.
The girl dreaded those words; she felt left out constantly, and she just knew that they were hiding something.
The girl was uncomfortable with how the group; and specifically Diana, were treating her.
“Regalia, can you please talk to Diana for me? I'm feeling left out, and I don't know if I can say it to her myself”.
Regalia never did what the girl asked her to do, at least that's what she thought.
Regalia was a nervous girl, fidgety and all that jazz. See, Regalia and the girl had been dating for a while, but things took a turn for the worse in the girl's life. You see, the beloved cat with no tail had died, and she just couldn't take it; she couldn't take the relationship and the death. So she did eventually need a break from the relationship.
“I still love you, Regalia, I just need some time”. Regalia felt sad and confused, “I still love you I always will”
Regalia didn't know why; but she went to the friend group for comfort.
During the time spent apart, the girl and Regalia grew farther away. The girl was hanging out with her other friends that she had at school. Regalia has grown closer to the group. Soon enough Regalia started dating Diana. One day, during one of the scheduled RAs, Orion, a popular guy, was clearly Mexican, was a big person, harsh, and swore, and popped the question to the girl.
“So… Sophie? I think you're really nice and you're not like others. So I wanted to know if you would be my girlfriend” he had murmured.
“ I-I- let me think about it. I-I'll give you an answer tomorrow during homeroom,” the girl stammered.
The girl said yes, even if she did not want to…
A Few weeks later, during a recess period, the girl had finally found out that Regalia had started dating Diana. She was quite upset, but was also blind to the fact that she, too, was dating someone else.
As some months passed, the girl found that she, in fact, didn't like Orion and still felt attracted to Regalia. She started to hang out with the group again. At pass, at lunch, and even when she could be doing her favorite thing. But they kept leaving her out of things. She tried so hard to get back into the circle and eventually she did. She was told things, but she found that they never talked to her directly. All except for Regalia. She always paid attention to the girl and made the girl feel better. Regalia made the girl feel seen, made the girl feel loved, made the girl feel better about herself.
Time passes, people move on, gifts are given, exchanges are made, cults or the idea and the fake fun of a cult happen. Now it is the last week of school. Diana had begged the girl to give her some money to buy something called a worm on a string so the girl gave the $20 to Dianna so she could buy that something for the group; she was told she would be paid back… that never happened.
The girl was at her house. It was now the weekend. The girl was texting in the group chat between her, Regalia, Diana, and their other friend named Uno. The girl had texted, “Regalia, I need to have a chat with you”. Regalia deflected it a bit, and Diana started to come in and get defensive. “Sophia stop forcing Regalia to talk, she doesn't want to. End of story”. The girl. Getting angry said things she shouldn't have said. And as things went on, she just got more and more pissed off until, for some odd reason that she still does not understand, she said: “Regalia. I still like you. I never stopped”.
The girl didn’t know why she said that; she regretted it in the future. Diana went berserk; she was yelling and criticizing the girl. “If you really love her then why did you go crawling back to Orion. Huh? If you loved her, why did you leave her for somebody else? It's not my fault that you left her behind. It's yours. You can't say that you're not allowed to say that if you love her, to you would not have left her for Orion of all people?! Fuck off” the rest of- what happened came in a blur. She was kicked from the chat, the friend group, and the feelings she had. The girl's feelings went out like depriving a fire of oxygen as soon as it was covered.
The girl was a crying mess. “shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit My fault. My fault. My fault. My fault. My fault. My fault. Fuck fuck fuck My fault.” When her parents got home from whatever they were doing, they found her, a crying heap.
At the beginning of the next year, the girl was hoping not to have any classes with the members of the old friend group. She had one; she was very uncomfortable for a while, but in the fourth marking period, Regalia and the girl were seated together. Regalia and the girl started talking again, and little by little they became closer. Eventually the girl asked this in the most nonchalant way “yo you wanna be friends again Regalia?”.
The girl and Regalia became friends again. Two hurt people got to heal together and talk things through. Two people get to talk about what had happened. They were happy again. The girl was happy. Well that was a lie She wasn't happy but she tried things got better
And then they didn't.