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Remus is at the monkey bars, swinging round one of its metal legs by the crook of his elbow. He stops to peek at the fireman’s pole, but the two boys are still there taking it in turns. He does like the park, he likes when his dad spins him round on the witch’s hat so fast his feet come off, but it’s different when his dad just sits at the parents’ bench. He hopes the boys at the fireman’s pole haven’t seen him looking.
A poke in his back makes him jump, and then there’s a boy with lots of freckles and a scar on his chin who says, would you mind moving out the way?
Remus lets go of the pole and steps back, silently, and he could probably wait by the swings instead, except after the boy gets up into position he turns and speaks to Remus again, this time, I can get the whole way across without falling.
Remus doesn’t know what to say so he just says, really? and the boy replies, watch me, and reaches for the first bar. It stretches him so much his ears look like they’re in his shoulders. So Remus watches him as he hangs in the air and kicks his dirty trainers, and hopes very much that when he reaches the end he won’t get down and walk away. The boy’s fingers are pink and white where they’re gripping the metal and cloudy sky.
When he reaches the end without falling the boy lets go, bending his knees as he hits the woodchips, and Remus thinks he looks incredibly sporty. And instead of walking away he asks Remus what’s his name, so Remus tells him. The boy’s name is George and he’s five and the reason he didn’t see Remus at school this week is that it’s Remus’ mum and dad that teach him lessons at home.
Remus still feels slightly strange, and he’s wearing trousers instead of shorts, but he sort of wants to show George that he can cross the monkey bars too, so he does, and although he doesn’t land as well, and it makes his right ankle start to ache, it’s so exciting to find someone still there and still looking at him that he doesn’t really mind the nasty smell the metal leaves on his hands.
And George keeps talking to him. He wants them to see who can cross the monkey bars fastest. So Remus stands and counts and steps in time with George’s swings. When they swap over Remus knows he won’t be as fast, but he’s sure George is counting a lot quicker than he was. He decides not to mention it, and George wins by a mile.
His arms are starting to hurt but he’ll keep going if George does, although his clothes feel rather uncomfortable, and it’s getting quite hot in the muggy air. Then instead of getting back up onto the frame, George walks right over to him, sits them down on the woodchips, and makes Remus guess how he got his scar. It’s white not pink, so it must be quite old. Remus thinks he might have fallen over on the concrete but that isn’t it, or hit his chin on the climbing frame but that isn’t it either. They’re bad guesses, and boring, so he says – slowly, in case he’s wrong – was it a wild animal? and George says he was attacked by a bear.
There aren’t any wild bears in Beddgelert, Remus is pretty much certain, so he asks if it happened while he was at the zoo, but George says no, it was in the woods. Remus thinks he’s lying, but he doesn’t really want to say so, he wants to keep asking about the bear, so he does.
It was a huge forest, and the trees were so tall and covered in leaves that it looked like it was nighttime, even though it was during the day. George was alone, because he’s allowed to go on walks by himself, because his parents know he’s grown up enough that he doesn’t need them with him. The bear was hiding behind a big patch of brambles and George could hear him snuffling but bears are very fast and there wasn’t time to run away so he waited until the bear jumped out and then he roared as loud as he could. And it scared the bear away eventually but before it did he scratched George once in the face with his massive claws and that’s how he got the scar on his chin.
When he finishes his story George stops talking and picks up a woodchip. He uses it to stab at the ground between them, and it makes it smell even more like cutting down trees. There’s something Remus is meant to say now, so he asks if the bear was scary. George says, not really, and carries on stabbing and splintering.
It doesn’t really look like he’s going to keep talking about the bear or anything else, which might mean it’s Remus’ turn, so he says the first thing that pops into his head which is, I was attacked by a dragon.
George frowns and says, you’re lying, which isn’t what he’s meant to say at all. I’m not, says Remus, I really was, I really did get bit by a dragon, and George’s face keeps looking like he doesn’t believe him.
‘Did it hurt?’ he says.
‘No,’ says Remus, which is the wrong answer because George tells him then it can’t have been a dragon. A bite from a dragon would hurt loads and loads – they’re giant – and anyway he can’t have been bitten by a dragon because dragons aren’t real.
Remus doesn’t know what to do, and he takes too long to decide, because George says, you’re a liar, like he’s going to get up and leave.
Remus doesn’t want him to, and he does have a dragon bite he could show him, but it’s big and ugly and supposed to be a secret. He tries once more to tell George he’s not lying and George says, prove it.
‘It’s a secret,’ says Remus, but he starts touching his trouser leg anyway, and over his shoulder his dad is still at the parents’ bench, frowning down at the muggle newspaper with a pencil in his hand, so he shuffles forward a bit and says, I’ll show you if you promise not to tell anyone.
George nods and says, show me.
Remus pulls his trouser leg up to his knee and watches George stare at the brown and red mess. His face doesn’t really move, but after a while he says, ‘Are you sure it didn’t hurt?’ and Remus decides to say, it hurt a bit.
George keeps staring, and Remus can’t think of a good story about a dragon. It can’t be a dark forest, because that was George’s. It could be a mountain or a castle, or even the sea, but Remus can’t picture it happening in any of those places, only his room in the basement, and he doesn’t want to talk about that. There are tiny black hairs stuck in the sore patches Remus has picked off and he sort of wants to cover his leg back up now so he pulls his trouser leg down and they sit silently for a few more seconds before George says, I still don’t think it was a dragon, and then, is that your da?
Remus turns and it is and his heart hits his chest so badly if he was standing up it would’ve knocked him over. His dad’s gotten up from the parents’ bench and is walking towards them, but he doesn’t look angry, so he mustn’t’ve seen Remus show George his leg. It should make him feel better but it doesn’t, he feels sick, and the boys are now gone from the fireman’s pole and that feels even worse.
His dad says hello to the two of them from above, with his newspaper tucked under his arm, and Remus wants to tell him he’s sorry, or for George to disappear, or just to get taken back home to dinner, because his dad says it’s time to go. But instead, George says, ‘Did Remus really get bit by a dragon?’ and it sets Remus’ face on fire.
‘A dragon?’ says his dad, like he’s pretending, ‘That must have been scary.’
Remus can’t look at him, and he can’t look at George either. It’s all wrong, and he burns, and the ground is going to suck him down. He’s sure he can’t move a bone in his body, but when his dad says it’s time to go again, he gets himself up to his feet. Then George says, he showed me his leg, it was all ripped up, which feels like the end of everything.
There’s quiet in their bubble by the monkey bars for a moment, which means Remus’ dad is shocked, or angry, or thinking of something to say. Remus can’t bear not knowing any longer so he looks at him, finally, but his mouth is hidden behind his moustache, and his eyes aren’t saying much either. It makes Remus’ heart fall through him, and he sort of stops feeling like anything at all. He watches as his dad rustles his newspaper into his other arm, then puts his free hand in his pocket. Then he whispers something, a word Remus doesn’t know but knows he’s heard before, and Remus looks down at George.
George nods a bit, like he’s dizzy or very tired, and then Remus’ dad’s heavy hand lands on his shoulder and they’re walking away. Remus doesn’t want to look back, but when they reach the gate he does.
George is still there, small and cross-legged on the ground. He doesn’t wave, and then they’re through the gate and crossing the road and George is gone.
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The street is empty except for two people holding hands, down the pavement a way ahead of them. Remus watches his shoes and it makes a big lump come up in his throat so he says, as loudly as he can, which isn’t very, I’m sorry.
His dad sighs and says it’s okay but he doesn’t say anything else. There aren’t many leaves on the ground yet and the ones that are are golden and soft when Remus steps on them. He can’t remember how it happened, or why he did it. It’s his secret and he let it go.
They pass the couple, a man and a woman, who tell them hello and smile at them, though Remus’ dad just nods. Once the pavement ends and they’re on the footpath back home Remus can see up the entire empty hill. It’s all green and grey and when they’re a few steps in Remus’ dad tells him what it’s like to be a werewolf.
Remus doesn’t need to be told it should be kept a secret, he knows this. When he last woke up cold, without any clothes on, his mouth was sticky and his leg was full of holes. It felt like, get it out, get it off, and he spat and threw up bitter red sick that got on his hands. And when he cries, his mum will come, but he doesn’t want her to, because it smells and he feels all through his body that he has done something and felt something that he mustn’t tell anyone about. She cannot know what the feeling is, because it would make her very very scared. And, as his dad has told him, people can be very unkind when they’re scared.