Work Text:
He was utterly confused. He didn’t know why he was feeling the way he was. His fingers were itchy, palms getting sweaty every time he saw you. Especially when you showed some skin.
He had this weird urge to touch your hand, to kiss the place where he could feel your heart race, to feel your soft skin pressed to him. He didn’t want to do that in a sexual way, he just wanted to feel every scar and every stretch mark you had. But he knew better than that.
With his phobia and your reaction triggered by even the slightest touch, he knew he shouldn’t have had even a thought in his stupid mind. He was distracted when you were wearing a dress, his eyes were looking you up and down every occasion he had, thinking no one had ever noticed. How of a fool he’d been that whole time.
“I think you should ask her out,” Inej had once said, making him snap out of his thinking. “She’s not that bad, you know.”
“Inej, I appreciate your attempts to warm up my heart, but I would have to have one first,” He’d replied, looking down at the money on his desk. He shouldn’t have been surprised, of course the Wraith had seen, she always did.
“What would bad happen if you opened up for someone?” she’d sat on the chair on the opposite of his, her hair braided as always, a little smirk playing on her lips. “You’ve known each other since forever. Also, I think only with her you show some human emotions.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he’d frowned, money in his gloved hands. “Now get out, I need to plan a job.” Inej had only sighed at his words, what a fool he was.
After that conversation, Kaz had been thinking how to avoid you. If you were in the club, he was somewhere in Ketterdam, walking around despite his leg pain. With work it was harder, you all had to work together in order to win over the city, exactly how you and Kaz had planned.
“I think we should kill Pekka Rollins first,” you had said, making an eye contact with Kaz. It was almost two years ago, your hair was shorter, your eyes glowed with sparkles he hadn’t seen ever since. “He’s been a pain in the ass, since I’ve been working in the White Rose.”
“Did he hurt you?” he’d asked, a foolish move, showing how he cared about you. “Touched you in the way he shouldn’t?”
“Kaz, every person who goes there does that.”
He’d sighed, his palms clenching harder on the cane. “I should’ve bought you out the first time I saw you there.”
“Kaz,” you said, touching his hand gently, he hadn’t flinched nor moved. “You bought Inej and both of us know she’s a better help to you than me.”
“You’re right.”
“Of course, I am, darling,” you’d squeezed his palm, letting go after a few seconds. “Now, I shall go. Boss will be angry if I don’t come back on time.”
“Be careful.” He’d pleaded, his voice barely detectable.
“Always am.”
He hadn’t gotten any idea why you were making him soft. You two had met after he came to Ketterdam. He remembered how beautiful you’d seemed that day, your hair loose, arms high above your head, and you were laughing. That sound he hadn’t forgotten. The pure laughter that had gotten out of you was a thing he still repeated in his head, years after he heard that last time. You never laughed again. Never got this spark in your eyes. Your smile never reached them as well.
“Kaz?” you knocked on the door leading to his room. “I need to talk to you.”
“Come in,” he replied, looking up at you. You had dark circles under your eyes, they were tired. You barely walked. “What is it?”
You took out a pouch, Kaz heard coins jingling in it. “I need you to buy me out.”
Shock made its way to Kaz’s face, since you had never asked this question before. Even though he was prepared, he had a wad of money in his safe, just in case. He wanted to ask you so many questions but when you looked at him, pressing your hand to your stomach, rage started burning in him. “What did they do to you?”
“Kaz, please, I have money. Just do it.” You tried so hard to keep tears in your eyes, to not show anything.
“I don’t want your money,” he snapped, regretting it seconds after, he sounded too harsh. He got up and opened up his safe, taking out the money. “I am prepared.”
“Thank you,” you said, sitting on his bed. “Can I stay? I kind of don’t have any place to go.”
“Of course, I’ll be back as soon as I can.” With those words, he left, leaving you on your own.
After some time, that you just laid on his bed, trying not to pay attention to the pain you felt in your lower stomach, Kaz came back. His cane was clicking and he opened the door with a short sigh. The owner of the White Rose hadn’t wanted to sell your contract, saying you were his property. Kaz saw red, he’d hit Onkle Felix with the cane and had just taken the paper, leaving less money that it had been needed.
When he entered the room, you were laying on your right side, your back facing the door, you hadn’t changed. Your eyes were closed, but the breath was uneven. Kaz placed his walking stick beside his bed and climbed up on the soft mattress. He wanted so bad to touch you, to remove those hairs which gotten out of your updo, to caress your cheek. He took off his gloves, eyeing his slim, pale fingers. He laid down on his bed, he had your body next to him, he could’ve touched you so easily if he had wanted to.
Without the second thought, he touched your cheek slightly, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear. Tracing your jaw line with his finger tip, seeing how calm you looked, how relaxed your body seemed. He removed his finger, testing his boundaries, yours also. He didn’t want to scare you off both by his trauma and yours.
“Don’t stop.” You whispered, gently opening your eyes, your voice raspy.
“Are you okay with that?”
“Kind of, just don’t stop.”
He wanted to pull you closer to him, to hug you properly, but instead, he took your hand in his and just traced small patterns on your palm. You smiled a little, falling asleep, while Kaz was just looking at you, remembering every detail on your face.