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The rain was falling even harder than when you had left your apartment. Every hit of the heavy drops did nothing to help the pain swelling in your left cheek.
You weren’t exactly sure where you were going, you just knew you needed to leave where you had been.
Sure, he’d shown signs of some anger issues before, but tonight he crossed a line. You knew how the statistics ended and you didn’t want to be one of them.
You couldn’t see more than a foot in front of you. The chill in the air clung to your skin through your soaked clothing. With a shiver, you paused for a moment, seeking refuge under an awning to take a moment and finally assess your next move.
The gold letters of the sign in front of you jumped out at you like a beacon of light in the dark, rainy night.
Nelson, Murdock, and Page
Attorneys at Law
Goddamnit.
Of course cruel fate would lead you here. Sure, let the universe make your boyfriend go full-abusive asshole and land you right in front of the office of the guy who had been your nemesis since law school, all in one night. What higher power did you piss off to deserve this?
There was no indication the rain would let up soon, so you made your decision with a shake of your head and turned the handle of the door in front of you.
ONE DAY EARLIER
Hate was a strong word to describe the relationship that you and Matt Murdock had with each other. Your time together at law school had always been tumultuous, to say the least. Each of you tried to outdo each other in both academic success and extra curriculars and were constantly at each other’s throats both in and outside of class. Things had cooled off a bit in the years since, only interacting with each other when you’d occasionally face off in the courtroom, though he still found ways to drive you absolutely bonkers given the opportunity. Anyone who knew the two of you could feel the tension anytime you’d have to be in the same room together.
The tap tap tap of his cane against the marble floors alerted you he was walking towards you, giving you plenty of time to compose yourself and not make a dramatic scene in a public place where the kind of outburst you wanted to have towards him would get you either fired, disbarred, or arrested.
Court had been dismissed for the weekend. The judge determined the trial needed to carry into next week for even more evidence presentation before the jury would be allowed to deliberate.
“You know, not presenting all evidence to the defense during the gathering phase is technically illegal. That little stunt you pulled while my client was on the stand was cute, but if I report it, it could get you a mistrial.”
As Matt spoke to you in the hallway just outside the courtroom, you tried not to notice how his cologne was the perfect blend of spiciness and lumber. You also tried not to notice how his suits fit better and better every time you see him, unlike how gangly and awkward he looked in second-hand sports jackets in law school. Curse his suave attractiveness, always winning over juries and influencing judges.
“I did give you all the evidence we had at the time. It’s not my firm’s fault the DA’s office is slower than molasses and got us these files after the evidence gathering stage. We submitted it as additional evidence as soon as we got our hands on it. You also have the capability to pull public records, Matthew. So don’t pretend my firm has some sneaky, unfair advantage in this case.”
“I’m sorry that I use my Columbia education to actually help people. Nice to know not everyone from our graduating class was immune to the appeal of taking big law firm money to make sure corporations can take advantage of as many people as possible.”
A dry laugh escaped your lips. You tried not to raise your voice, as judges and reporters walked by, all rushing to leave work and begin their weekend plans.
“Is that really so bad, Matt? I’m just doing my job, trying to use the law to help my client. Same as you are.”
An exasperated sigh left his lips as he tilted his head skyward, also trying to put aside past tension between the two of you for the sake of professionalism.
“Have a good weekend.” he said, before turning and walking away
“I… I didn’t know where else to go.” was the first thing you stuttered out as the low light cast him in a harsh glow in the dim office.
Head cocked, listening in to figure out exactly who was in his office at this late hour, Matt crossed the room in three steps to stand in front of you. The water dripping off of you hit the musty carpet with a splat. He continued to not speak, only listen, as you breathed heavily in front of him. Even though you knew he couldn’t see you, you’d still never felt so exposed in front of someone.
He ran a hand with feather-like softness over your face, ghosting his touch against the bruise forming there.
“You’re hurt.” he finally spoke
“I… how can you tell?”
“My dad was a boxer. I patched him up after matches a lot. I know what a bruise feels like, especially a fresh one. What happened?”
“My boyfriend… he um…” but the words died on your lips
“I couldn’t stay. I just left and ran and the rain and…” you rambled “I ended up here.”
“Do you have somewhere you can stay tonight?” he asked
“No.”
“Then you’ll stay with me. For tonight at least, until we can figure something out for you.”
“Matt, I can’t ask that of you.”
“You’re not asking, I’m offering. Besides, Foggy and I work on domestic violence cases all the time. We know a lot of people and can get you in touch with a lot of resources.”
You were warry. Matt and you hadn’t exactly gotten along in the past and now he was the opposing counsel in the biggest case of your career. Why was he suddenly so keen to be kind to you? But you truly had nowhere else to go tonight.
“But in the morning.” he continued “It’s late. There’s an Ethiopian place on my block. I could even order some sambusas for you. I know you like them with spiced chicken.”
“How do you know that?”
“Our second year of law school. Professor Hardwick made us pair up on the debate team together. When we’d all be in the library late, it was what you always ordered.”
“I can’t believe you remembered that. Matt, that was so long ago.”
2010
The floorboards of the old building creaked as you stepped, making your way down the hallway to your very first lecture of law school. You couldn’t contain your excitement. Finally done with undergrad, finally at your dream school, finally taking the first steps towards your dream career.
A few students had trickled in already and you took a seat next to a young man wearing sunglasses. He was chatting to his sandy-haired friend, both giving you a smile as you took your seat and removed a few essentials from your backpack.
“What did you think of the readings?” the dark-haired, blind student turned to you
“The readings? Shit! I didn’t know we had any!” you lamented
“It’s okay. I’m sure a lot of people forgot or didn’t know.”
“What were they on?” you asked
“First amendment. Mostly just covered a few cases relevant to section 9.2. I think the cases were Blair v. USA, USA v. Madden and Turner Broadcasting, and Zurcher v. Stanford Daily. We’ve got 15 minutes until class starts, I bet you could give them a quick read through.”
“Oh my gosh, you’re a life saver! Thank you!” you responded, flipping open your textbook and frantically searching for the case summaries.
“I’m Matt, by the way. Matt Murdock.”
You introduced yourself hurriedly just as you found the first reading and he returned to whatever he and his friend with the bad goatee were discussing.
Sure enough, the professor arrived 15 minutes later and began class. It was a rather standard first day - syllabus review, absentee policies, essay submission rules.
Then he asked “Can anyone summarize one of the cases assigned in your readings?”
You raised your hand eagerly and were selected.
“USA v. Madden and Turner Broadcasting established clearer defined rules for who is considered a journalist and who is able to keep sources confidential in a court of law.”
The professor paused, staring you down.
“That’s true. But the assigned readings were on section 10.2 of the First Amendment. Doctrine on Freedoms of Assembly and Petition… You know close and thorough reading comprehension are essential skills for a lawyer.”
You could feel the heat rising in your cheeks at the professor’s lambastation. Another student was called on, and the professor began the lecture, but it was all drowned out in a mental spiral of embarrassment and shame.
“That was incredibly cruel Matt!” you whispered to your neighbor “Giving me the wrong readings just so I’d embarrass myself!”
“I didn’t! I did the wrong ones too!” he rasped back
“Uhuh, sure you did!”
“Is there a problem?” the professor spoke up, causing the whole lecture hall to turn and look at you and Matt, embarrassing you for the second time
You shook your head no, stared at your notebook, and tried to focus as the professor returned to his lecture once more.
All you knew after that day was Matt Murdock was not to be trusted if you wanted to find success for the next three years at Columbia.
Matt’s apartment was cozy. Full of textures, though you supposed if you couldn’t see the place you lived, that’d be the thing to do to make it feel like home.
You weren’t surprised, then, to find that everything else there was too – the loofa in his shower, the plush towels you used to dry your now steam-warmed body, and the gray sweatpants and navy Columbia law shirt he handed you afterwards.
“Why is a brilliant lawyer like you putting up with a guy like that?” he asked over half-devoured takeout containers
“You think I’m a brilliant lawyer?”
“I always have. But that wasn’t the question.”
“Okay, counselor.” you jested back
You didn’t want to get into it tonight, to relive all the failings of your love life and how you ended up here. But you did; afterall what else did you have to exchange for his kindness except your vulnerability?
After you finished, the story concluding in the present moment, there was silence. It hung between the two of you as Matt chewed on your words.
“Do you remember our law dissertation class in our third year?” he finally spoke
“Yeah.”
“You gave a closing statement about the case we presented,
‘Legislative judgements of the court serve as constant reminders that, in the view of all-male decision-making bodies, life should be arranged in a way only they see fit for the rest of us. We must constantly use the law to dismantle their notions, in order to create a society that is legally inclusive for all it applies to.’
“Yeah I remember that. What about it?
“I have it typed up in braille, on this little frame on my desk, back at the office. I read it over sometimes. Helps me remember just exactly who the law should be for. For everyone, not just the powerful. I would think the person who said that wouldn’t put up with a jerk of a boyfriend.”
Laughter erupted throughout your body and you felt yourself smile, a real genuine smile for the first time that evening.
“Matt. I didn’t say that. I mean I did but it was… I was quoting Ruth Bader Ginsburg. It seemed relevant to pull a statement on the matter from one of our supreme court justices at the time. It was like in a letter she wrote to Scalia about one of their favorite operas or something. Wait, you thought I thought of that?”
“I actually did, yeah. It was such a strong closing statement, I figured only someone as smart as you could have come up with it.”
“Smart? I’m sorry Matt, did you just compliment me?”
“I did.” he said with a chuckle “But don’t get used to it.”
“And for the past, what like, 12 years you’ve had that sitting on your desk, thinking of me every time you read it?”
“Yeah,” he sighed “Go ahead, make fun of me.”
“You know what, I will spare you just this one time from my mockery. Only because I think it’s sweet. I can’t believe you remembered something I said in law school. You hated me then.”
“I never hated you. Admired you for sure. Jealous at times, absolutely. But I never hated you.”
“Huh, I always just thought you did.”
2013
“Matthew Michael Murdock! Open this door right now!” you screamed as you banged on the door of Matt and Foggy’s dorm
Matt opened it cautiously, already knowing the reason you were about to chew him out.
You stepped up, nearly nose to nose with him.
“How could you? This is low, even for you Murdock.”
“Please, just let me explain…”
“No. I don’t need your shitty explanation. I know we haven’t gotten along since day one, but even so – you know I’m an excellent student, you know I’m gonna be a good lawyer, and yet… Why did you tell Jeremy Landman I wouldn’t be a good fit for the internship?”
“Because you wouldn’t be.” Matt responded, coldly
“Are you fucking serious? I would be an amazing fit at that firm! I work twice as hard as you two chucklefucks in every single class,” you indicated to Foggy, who was sitting listening intently on the bed behind Matt. “You’ve been interns there the whole year, I just wanted a summer internship while I study for the bar! I got the rejection call this morning. And they said it was your fault. Because you told your boss I wasn’t a good fit.”
“Listen. I’m sorry. I know that internship was important to you, but I was being honest. You wouldn’t be the right fit there.”
The tears started flowing down your face as Matt remained emotionless before you.
“Don’t you dare ever speak to me again, Matthew. I want nothing to do with you!” you shouted, turning on your heel and rushing back down the hall, determined not to clue Matt into just how hard you were crying.
Matt closed the door with a sigh.
“Jesus Matt, she’s right. That was really shitty of you.” Foggy said
“Look… I had a good reason.”
“Was the reason because you hate her, because if that’s what it is, I’m gonna come over there and hit you, Murdock.”
“No. The reason I told them not to pick her for the internship, Jeremey Landman is… look, he’s been a great mentor this year but he doesn’t necessarily treat the female interns and employees with as much… respect.” Matt explained
“Okay, so why haven’t you said anything? To HR. To her?”
“I didn’t want to stir the pot, you know, mess things up for us. I was worried if I said anything, they’d just fire me and I worried you’d get thrown in the mix too.”
“Okay, but at least tell her…” Foggy indicated toward the door
“No. She’ll find something better. She’s right, she’s gonna be a good lawyer. She’ll find an even better internship at an even better firm.”
Matt’s sheets were luxurious to say the least. Cool and calming against your skin as you slumbered under the glow of the billboard and the sounds of the heavy rain still beating down hours later.
You didn’t notice the shadow sneaking out of the apartment through the roof access door, nor did you notice when it returned a few hours later. You slept peacefully as the blood from his fists ran down the drain, as the rain-soaked crimson suit was tucked back into the worn trunk, and as the exhausted lawyer crept back through the living room and tucked himself into the worn leather sofa.
The ring of your phone happened far too early for your liking, an unfamiliar number popping up on your screen as you rubbed your bleary eyes.
Matt tried not to eavesdrop, a difficult task with his precise hearing and the echoing ceilings of his loft.
The words “Nearly comatose” and “Mysterious circumstances” shouldn’t have caused the grin that spread across his face, but they did.
“I’m sorry, but he and I actually broke up. I’ve been staying with a friend, so I have no idea what happened. Please remove me as his emergency contact and reach out to someone else.”
And then you hung up the phone.
You clued Matt in over a cup of coffee as the sun rose in streaking beams across the brick walls of his home. He listened with concern, trying not to let on to the fact he knew why you’d received that phone call or that he had been the cause of it.
“Don’t act like he didn’t deserve it.”
“Wow, how very Catholic of you, Matthew.”
“So you’re staying with a friend huh?”
An arrogant smile spread across his annoyingly handsome face. How typical of him. He heard your phone conversation and still let you ramble on for at least ten minutes and had the nerve to throw your own phrasing back in your face.
Still, he had been nothing but kind and gentle to you the past 12 hours, so you owed it to him to at least try and not be annoyed with him. You took a deep breath.
“I mean, you let me stay with you last night. And you heavily implied you and Foggy are going to get me some resources to help me. That’s something a friend would do.
“It’s nice. Being your friend. It’s a good change.”
“Yeah I guess it is. Look, Matt… I know I’ve been kind of harsh on you. Sometimes.” you said, extending a metaphorical olive branch
Matt chuckled and shook his head, holding out an open palm to stop you.
“Water under the bridge.”
“But really. Thank you.”
“Can I ask you something?” he inquired
“Yeah”
“When we were in law school… why did you never give me a chance?”
“Matt, you had a new girlfriend like, every month. I don’t think there was ever an opportunity for me to even try!”
“I… that wasn’t at all what I was asking. I just meant why you seemed to hate me from the get go. Wait, did you want to… you know, give me a chance in that way?” he asked
“No. I mean, maybe at one time. Like when I first met you, I thought you were cute. But then I got to know what a jerk you were…”
“I was a jerk? What about you?! You literally rented the one braille book on Civil Procedure from the library a week before finals just so I wouldn’t be able to study!”
“That wasn’t why I rented it!” you argued back
“Why else would you?!”
“Because I was trying to learn braille!”
“With a law book?!”
“I was trying to help you! You’d missed so many classes that semester and then your girlfriend broke up with you and it just seemed like you were really struggling and I actually felt bad for you for a change and thought maybe I could help you study.”
“By renting the one book I needed?”
“My thought process was that it might be easier to study if we could read from the same book but since you can’t see, I wanted to learn braille so I could help you better… then I caught that awful flu that was going around and I couldn’t get it back to the library before finals.”
His pink lips parted, tongue darting out as he rubbed his chin in contemplation.
You thought about how he looked almost like the Matt you knew back then. So used to seeing him in sharp suits in court rooms these days, his morning ensemble of sweatpants and a simple black t-shirt reminded you more of the heartbroken Matt you knew from late nights in the library and off-campus parties. Even then, you rarely got to admire how the light reflected in his hazel eyes, usually covered by glasses. How unlike him, you thought, to not wear his glasses in front of you. It’s almost as if he was trying to match your current state of vulnerability.
“I had no clue you had a thing for me back then.” he said
You nearly spit your coffee across his countertop.
“I’m sorry, I did not say I had a thing for you. I said you were pitiful enough to make me want to do something nice. That is not a ‘thing’ Matthew.”
“But when I asked why you didn’t give me a chance, that’s where your brain went. You said I was cute.”
You rolled your eyes, knowing he couldn’t see the gesture of annoyance.
“Then Matt. I said you were cute back then.”
Matt smirked, hearing the wavering of your heartbeat to know it was a lie. You thought he was cute now. Using that information to push his luck, he continued
“You know I sort of had a thing for you too.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“I am! You were smart and so stubborn. You smelled nice. And your laugh… It’s always the one thing I can pick out of a crowded lecture hall or busy courthouse.”
“Wait, Matt are you saying you had a crush on me?”
“Yeah.” he confirmed
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I thought you hated me.”
“I never hated you.”
“Oh come on, you absolutely did.” he argued
“No. I didn’t. You were just always so arrogant. You still are. In law school, you got any girl you wanted and you usually did. You charmed all the professors into liking you, meanwhile I worked my ass off and barely got noticed.”
You picked up your coffee cup and took a giant swig, black liquid fueling your rambling.
“And it’s the same these days with judges and juries. It’s not like you aren’t a good lawyer, I know you are. I just get so jealous sometimes that the blind thing seems to get you sympathy and special perks from the get go, plus all the suave personality that I don’t have usually gets people on your side even without all the solid evidence against my prosecution you usually gather.”
“So, you’re jealous?”
“I guess. But Matt, I promise, I don’t hate you.”
“Well you might, for what I’m about to say.”
“Okay. What could you possibly say that could make me actually hate you?”
He rested his forearms on the kitchen counter, leaning in as if he was about to share a secret, even though it was just the two of you in his apartment.
“Give the case you’re working on to someone else.” he spoke, low voice rumbling in his chest as the seriousness of his request hung in the air.
“What?!”
“You’re in no state to show up in court tomorrow.”
You hadn’t yet dared to look in a mirror to see if there was physical evidence from what happened with your boyfriend last night. But you knew Matt wasn’t just talking about that, it was the emotional component too.
“Are you serious?! You’re telling me to drop the biggest case of my life because my boyfriend was an ass? All in some weird ploy so that you can win?”
“Really? You think I give a shit about beating you in court? This isn’t about that. It’s about making sure you’re okay!”
“You liar! You just want to win this case!” you shouted back
“Are you ever not the most stubborn person on this planet?”
“I am when I don’t have to deal with you.”
He rounded the kitchen counter to stand in front of you, all caution thrown to the wind as he cupped your jaw and pulled you close to him.
“Just shut up.” he murmured before his mouth was on yours, soft and tender and full of years of pent up desire.
You didn’t resist, leaning into his warm, plush lips as they opened up to you, deepening the kiss.
You weren’t sure who pulled apart first, but neither of you dared to separate much, staying close enough that you could feel his labored, warm breath on your face.
“If I promise to give the case to Foggy, will you promise to give your side to someone else at your firm? Then we can spend this week getting you a new place and a restraining order.”
You nodded, not sure what else to say.
He kissed you once more, a seal on the agreement the two of you just made.
You just got out of possibly the worst relationship of your life and now the last man you thought you’d ever go out with was offering you a new beginning. What did you possibly have to lose by taking this leap?
“Maybe…” you finally spoke up “you can take me to dinner. To celebrate if we get all of that done.”
“Okay.” he agreed
Maybe one day, he’ll tell you what really happened that night after you fell asleep in his bed. Reveal to you what he does in the dark, why he started this double life, intent on protecting people just like you. But for now, he’s content to just share a warm cup of coffee and a kiss in the morning, and the promise of more mornings like this on the horizon.