Archive of Our Own ^beta

Jinsol.

The hum of side conversations, the laughter and the aimless wandering of teenagers filled the all girls middle school’s air. The weather was slightly warm and the sunshine put in an appearance, such heat being extremely pleasing for those who had just spent long months under nonstop snowfall. In mid-march, spring came to renew the air and the spirits with its delicate blossoming of cherry trees, the pinkish tone of the sky in the late afternoon and the longer and more beautiful days.

It was almost the end of lunch time and everyone had already eaten quickly enough so they could enjoy the rest of the break as pleased: there were those who used to hang out with their friends, there were those who took a quick nap, those who messed around, studied in the library, or even those who “skipped” lunch time outdoors in their own little world.

Under a cherry blossom big enough to cast plenty of shade, a girl was leaning against its trunk, sitting on the neatly trimmed grass with a sketchbook on her lap and a lunchbox in her hands. Her hair was long, silky and as brown as mild coffee, her face sharp like her lips and nose and her eyes almond-shaped. Jeong Jinsol was her name.

It wasn't the most comfortable place in the world to be and the grass sometimes stung her legs, but at almost fifteen years old, back pain isn't a thing.

Jinsol brought the last kimbap to her mouth and put the chopsticks back in the compartment while her cheeks worked, closing the lunch box, placing it on the side and returning to focus on drawing the meal itself. In general it wasn't a busy area, however, strangely, on the day it was even less: she even thought being the only one there, which made everything even better. Jinsol was used to being alone since childhood and also when her friend changed schools years ago, so she was in her comfort zone.

And not that her shyness gave her much of a choice anyway.

However, even though she enjoyed her own company, it was impossible not to wonder how self-confidence seemed so easy for some people.

Kim Jungeun was one of them.

Kim Jungeun was the type of girl that parents hoped their daughters would stay away from, and the daughters themselves actually obeyed, not by choice, but out of hesitation and not knowing how to approach someone like her.

Jeong Jinsol was one of them.

It wasn't exactly an admiration of wanting to “be”, after all, who wants to be a delinquent and have to clean the bathrooms as punishment? It was different. The fact is that when she passes by, you stop to see: Jungeun wasn't tall (she was quite average, actually, at five foot six) but her attitude gave her more four inches. Her hair was naturally light brown, reaching her shoulders in its own volume and bounce, her lips were full and her striking gaze penetrated to the soul.

She was the only one who could wear a uniform that consisted of a navy blue pleated skirt almost reaching her knees and matching the tie, a short-sleeved white formal shirt, and uncomfortable loafers with socks almost calf-length without looking stiff.

Jinsol watched her march towards the building attentively, as did another girl who only then noticed not so far away, under a slightly smaller tree. She had forgotten her name, but knew she had moved into her class at the beginning of the year.

And it was when she herself stood up that she knew it was almost time to go in: the bell rang as they walked to the door and climbed the stairs towards the classroom, where the other students also got ready. Jinsol sat at the second desk in the corner row, which for her was such bad luck, since even though it wasn't that prominent, it was enough to make it almost impossible to hide when she wasn't paying attention. At least it was next to the windows.

Kim Jungeun was from another class, unfortunately.

The glaring difference in how that room looked with and without the presence of an authority was comic, as they didn't even look like the same people, but it didn't last long.

“Good afternoon, Ms. Brown” the class representative, a short girl who looked like she was in seventh grade, greeted her as she walked through the door, making everyone jump up together.

“Good afternoon, students” she greeted back amidst a wide smile.

Jinsol sat down like everyone else with her legs crossed as the class began, forcing her to stop thinking and return to the boring reality. If she could, she would live in the air, but that's not how the world works.

Is Kim Jungeun like this too?

The English teacher was a young woman who looked like she had just left college. Tall like a model, her hair was curly in a natural, vivacious red color, in that day tied back behind a dark green headband that matched her eyes. She, despite being well articulated, seemed not to have gotten used to teaching outside her country, sometimes giving in to the impulse to unsuccessfully try to interact with the students, who listened quietly to the explanations as they were taught (and also out of fear of making mistakes in the foreign language).

“But then, I decided to make that assignment that I mentioned in the last class a homework” she announced with a thick accent while distributing the papers. “Translate this text in any way you can, following that tip that you already know. I know it's a little long, but this week you'll have all saturday to do it, so I'm also going to ask you to form pairs. Get organized and give me your names on the day.”

And automatically, it was clear that the students were complaining internally, trying to keep their expression as neutral as possible. The teachers didn't seem to understand the concept of a “free saturday”, or they just didn't care. Either way, it was still a drag.

For them, it was study, study, study.

Through the windows it was possible to see the large clouds that moved slowly across the sky, some thinner, others thicker, their different shapes providing the desperate entertainment of those who most wanted the clock to do its work. And many “sheeps” later, the many restless fingers and feet that moved and drummed without making noise were finally able to have peace with the end of the last class.

Jinsol worried even more as she organized the stationery and everyone seemed to already have a mate or at least an idea of ​​who to call, while she just hoped they would let her do it alone. Probably not, which would be a problem. The previously extremely silent environment had given way to the hum of small talk in front of the lockers at the back of the room and more complaints, that time out loud. She wanted to dig a hole and crawl into it.

Oblivious, she dropped a pen by accident and prepared to catch it on the floor, but someone else was quicker:

“Thanks” she said shyly, taking the object that was extended to her without even looking at her face, but recognizing who it was.

“You’re Welcome.”

The girl watched her finish what she was doing in a certain hurry, put on her bag and made to leave before finally touching her arm lightly, finally catching her attention.

“Wait” she asked, a bit hesitant. “I wanted to ask you something.”

Jinsol turned to look at her: she was practically the same height, just a little taller. Her black hair was tied in a high ponytail with thin bangs, her gaze attentive under the thin, round-framed glasses, her cheekbones marked and her full, naturally red lips. She radiated delicacy and looked smart.

“Sure. Do it.”

“Do you have a mate for the English assignment?” the question practically escaped her throat.

Jinsol shocked her head.

“Can I be yours, then?”

The one with glasses played with the hem of the skirt while looking at her classmate, waiting for an answer, which didn't seem thoughtful, quite the opposite: her face lit up in such a way that it was difficult to hide it.

“Yes, you can” she agreed amidst a smile that was promptly answered. Her prayers have been answered.

“Oh, nice! Do you need to clean today?” the question that time was filled with contained excitement.

The two turned to the girls arriving with the brooms and other cleaning materials, starting their tasks.

“No, not my day.”

“Not mine too. Let’s go together then, we can talk.”

Jinsol nodded in a soft stretch of lips and they went towards the hallway. Out of habit, Jinsol watched her surroundings just in case Kim Jungeun was there. She wouldn’t talk to her, but just to gaze out of admiration, like a sport.

And there she was, practically running to the exit as if the scholar environment gave her allergie, the shirt already comfortably out of the skirt and the tie loosened. She liked to stay at the arcade that the local boys used to go to almost always after school, and apparently she didn't want to miss a second. Everybody knew, but no one had ever gone there to start a conversation or challenge her to a game, even knowing they would lose.

“You take this path too, don’t you?” stealing Jinsol from her thoughts, the tallest pointed ahead as they crossed the street. They had already walked a bit. “Sometimes I see you when I’m going home.”

“Oh, yes, I do” she nodded. Her tone gave her a false air of disinterest.

The two stopped and made room for a woman with a stroller to pass on the sidewalk.

“I forgot to ask if you want to do the assignment tomorrow… Or today, if you prefer. I can do it whenever you want!”

“Whatever is fine to me, it could be tomorrow” Jinsol shrugged. “At my place or yours?”

“My house is being renovated, it's such a mess” her face contorted into a grimace. “Can it be at yours?”

“Sure. Do you see that street?” she pointed to the side. “I live in the brown house with two floors, plants and a clothesline on the balcony. Number 12. You can come by at any time.”

“Oh, no, I don’t want to bother you. Give me a time and I’ll be there.”

“Hm… Is three o’clock fine, then?”

“It’s great!” she smiled. “Are you going now?”

“I am. Thanks for the company until here” Jinsol greeted. “Oh, I forgot to ask your name.”

“I’m Ha Sooyoung.”

“Jeong Jinsol. Nice to meet you.”

“I know” Sooyoung let out a little laugh. “We’re in the same class.”

“You’re right…” Jinsol looked away, embarrassed. She was starting to feel bad for never having paid attention to the other. “Well, it was nice anyway” she greeted again.

Sooyoung watched her with a little smile on her face: she probably found it funny how her classmate was so formal without any need, since they were both in the same grade and born in the same year.

“Nice to meet you, Jinsol” she returned the gesture. “See you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow, Sooyoung” Jinsol walked away waving, which ended up tripping on the sidewalk and falling hard to the ground in a matter of thousandths.

Sooyoung ran towards her almost in despair, reaching out to help.

“I’m fine, I’m fine” Jinsol reassured her by accepting the help. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? Want me to take you home?”

“There’s no need” she nodded, adjusting her uniform. Her face was flushed and she just wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible. “Thank you.”

The tallest didn't have much choice but to agree and watch her classmate walk into the street. She waited until her body disappeared before finally going on her way.

***

Once at the Jeong residence, the youngest came into the living room almost like a hurricane, leaving her shoes carelessly on the doorstep and throwing her bag on the couch before herself, her face pressed against a pillow as she growled in anger. Her sister was already at home leaning on the stair railing eating an apple while still in her uniform. The scene didn’t go unnoticed by her.

"Jinsol?" she called out, somewhat confused, and without an answer, she went to throw the core of the fruit in the kitchen trash and walked back. "Is there an apocalypse out there?"

She settled next to her sister's head adjusting her own uniform. The only difference between her and the youngest’s was the color of the skirt and tie, which were gray and black, respectively.

"Leave me alone, Heejin." It took a nudge for Jinsol to react, her voice coming out muffled.

"Why are you like that, huh?"

"For nothing."

The oldest nudged her again with some concern, which made her raise her head only to give her a furious look.

The two were sisters just for being, because they had almost nothing in common: Heejin had long, brown hair with subtle waves made with socks, smaller, rounder eyes, and delicate features. But in personality it’s where the differences practically screamed: while one was extremely responsible, organized and well-spoken, the other was an average student and liked to spend time alone in front of the TV, listening to the radio or hanging out alone in her bedroom window thinking about god knows what.

They only shared the same father, and although he was the one who got custody of Heejin, it was her mother's surname that she had inherited: Jeon. The pronunciation was the same, and even though it was no secret to anyone, it helped to keep the fact from causing such a big fuss in the small town. It was funny to think that the two had been raised together and in the same way since they were babies, such was their discrepancy, and even with only three years apart, Heejin always seemed much more grown up than her sister.

She sighed.

“Okay, I'm going to get changed and ready for the prep course then” she made a move to get up in the act of giving up.

“What happened that you're here at this time?”

“They let everyone out early today, the teacher had a problem.”

“Lucky you” Jinsol muttered, getting a reprimanding look in response.

“It was serious, Jinsol. Don't joke” was her last words before leaving upstairs.

The youngest let herself fall back onto the couch in pure boredom and irritation. She couldn't stop thinking about how Sooyoung had been extremely nice and kind and she didn't even seem to care, that is when she wasn't being weird or humiliating herself by falling in front of her. But she was nervous! It wasn't often that people spoke to her, it was even a little surprising and abrupt to prepare herself. Her hope was to be able to make a better impression the next day, otherwise she would ruin everything and never forgive herself for it.

She covered her face with her hands again and groaned, stomping her feet on the upholstery as the memories came back, and she did this until she felt lighter. Her knee was even hurt from the fall.

Just as she was about to get up, her mother, Seohyun, came back from the groceries with two heavy bags asking for help to put them away. And that's what she did before finally going to take a shower, look for a bandage in the first aid, and get ready for dinner.

Her father, Jaewoo, arrived a few hours later in his typical office clothes, just before the food was ready. With Jinsol being almost a spitting image of her mother (and even Heejin reminding her a little) he was the most different in the family, with a black hair cutted a millimeter from his head in perfect alignment, strong facial features and a disdainful expression. He said a quick hello to the youngest who was watching TV in the living room and marched into the kitchen to steal a kiss from his wife before going to take a quick shower.

And soon everyone was gathered on the kitchen floor around the set table, the delicious aroma waking up their stomachs.

“Enjoy your meal” Seohyun said before they started to eat, the adults first. Everyone repeated in unison.

Jinsol grabbed the chopsticks and brought a large block of plain rice to her mouth. She had to be careful not to eat too much, otherwise she would fill up on just that: her palate was simple and her favorite foods basic and uncomplicated. Too much pepper was a nightmare.

“And how was class today?” the oldest asked.

“It was nice” Heejin smiled, not fake, she genuinely liked school. “The teacher handed out the grades for that assignment and I got 100%.”

The youngest controlled herself from rolling her eyes.

“How good!” Seohyun put her palms together proudly, although not surprised at all.

“You’re the pride of this family” Jaewoo pointed his finger in her direction. “Keep it up and you won’t even have to take the entrance exam.”

“Oh, dad… It’s not all that either.”

“But he’s right, sweetheart! You’ll get a recommendation letter for sure.”

“And we won’t even have to offer bribes like the Kim’s” the man let out a sarcastic laugh. “It’ll be their last hope.”

“Which one are you talking about?”

“Both of them! They’re cousins, aren’t they, honey? If I’m not wrong, Hyunjin and that other rude girl who scratched my car with a bike that time. They won’t get anywhere.”

Jinsol felt her face heat up and her heart race at the unfortunate comment. She wouldn't allow anyone to direct any offense at her Kim Jungeun. She could be a little reckless at times, but she was a person and deserved respect. She wanted to defend her to the four winds and then face the consequences, but the person who said them could still ground her for the rest of her life if she started a fight.

"Can you excuse me?" she stood up. "I'm not feeling well."

"But you barely ate" her mother frowned. "Sit down and finish your meal, then you can rest. I haven't asked about your day yet."

The youngest sat down again on her haunches: that very day she remembered.

Damn.

“So?”

“Nothing special” her attention turned to the seaweed in the soup before taking a spoonful to her mouth. “I have an English assignment to do that’s worth a point in the class ranking. It’s in pairs, the girl is in my class. She’s coming here tomorrow afternoon.”

“Well, then clean your room and the rest of the house to make a good impression.”

“Yes, mom.”

That’s exactly what she needed. A good impression.

After finishing eating, the kids cleared the table and since Heejin was in charge of the dishes that day, Jinsol went straight to brush her teeth, get ahead on her homework and vent in her diary. Her bedroom window was open with a gentle breeze cooling her at the desk and gently ruffling her hair, and the street lights and the lamp were the only lighting at the moment. She liked the afterglow, that atmosphere relaxing her.

Her nighttime snack was a raspberry popsicle that was stored in the freezer, and she ate it while sitting by the window staring into space. Jinsol stayed there for a considerable amount of time, just listening to the sound of the crickets and filing what she could see of her nails, feeling even calmer. She would enjoy it while she still could, since when summer begins, it would be impossible to escape the mosquitoes and the air would be twice as hot.

She only realized the time when she saw her sister walking home on the street, which was when she decided to put on her pajamas and go to bed, even though she didn’t need to wake up early the next day. There wasn’t much to do and sleep was one of the best remedies for boredom.

She wondered at what time Kim Jungeun used to go to sleep.

The next day, Jinsol took the opportunity to curl up in bed as much as possible, to the point of missing breakfast. Her mother always insisted that they eat well when waking up, but that morning she went to the nearest convenience store and bought a whipped cream bread and a strawberry milk.

Wearing a sleeveless white shirt with little cats printed on the front, denim shorts and simple white sneakers, the girl settled down on the swing in the square and ate there in order to be outdoors for a while. The weather was nice, a little cooler than the day before and the birds were chirping, an atmosphere perfect for a picnic or something like that, like Heejin had gone out to do.

After finishing her meal, she threw the wrappers in the trash and went back home to quickly tidy up. It wasn't as time-consuming a task as she made it seem, since it hadn't been long since the last cleaning, but that didn't make it any less unpleasant, and her sister wasn't even there to help her.

Slacker.

And her day was basically this: cleaning and waiting for Sooyoung. The fact that they had practically just met was what made her nervous, because she knew that it would be even harder to feel comfortable and she would probably mess everything up again. But they were just going to study! It was no big deal, was it? Or at least that was what she hoped for.

Socializing was complicated, she wasn't born for it.

"Jinsol, the doorbell!" Seohyun called her daughter from the kitchen, who jumped up from the couch and ran to answer it.

The youngest slowed down as she approached the gate in an attempt to look calm as she opened it for the girl, who was wearing a simple moss green shirt made of light fabric with short sleeves, denim shorts and her usual ponytail. She had a small pot in her hands and a welcoming smile, seeming happy to meet her new acquaintance.

“Hi again, Jinsol.”

“Hi Sooyoung. Come in” she smiled back. “Do you want some help with that?”

“I'm fine, thanks.”

Jinsol nodded and guided her through the outer hallway and when they entered the living room, they changed their shoes for their house slippers. The guest shoes were loose on the tallest's feet, but nothing that stopped her from walking. Her mother was already standing in the archway that led to the kitchen and Sooyoung went towards her and greeted politely.

“Good afternoon! I'm Ha Sooyoung, nice to meet you.”

“The pleasure is all mine” the oldest returned the gesture. “Ha Sooyoung… Is your mother a teacher by any chance?” her eyebrow raised, intrigued.

“She is, actually.”

“I knew it! She teaches my oldest. When I heard that last name and saw your face… You look just like your mother, you know?”

“Thank you” she chuckled. “She sent this to you.”

Seohyun took the container that was handed to her and without hesitation removed the lid, revealing a good amount of still-warm tteok. Apparently, the guest's mother was one of those who refused to send her kid to someone else's house for the first time without a treat.

“How kind of you…” she smiled broadly, inhaling the sweet aroma of the dessert.

“She took the time to make the cakes herself when she felt a little better. She's pregnant.”

“Oh, yes, I heard. Well, tell her I thanked her very much.” Jinsol closed the package again and tucked a strand of her bob-shaped hair behind her ear. “Would you like something to drink? Water, tea?”

“I’m fine. Thank you.”

“Oh, have a little…” she tilted her head to the side.

“I’ll definitely take some later.”

“Sure?”

“Sure. Thank you very much!”

“Okay, then. Please, make yourself comfortable” Seohyun nodded. “Could you wait here for a second? Jinsol, come help me with this.”

The girl followed her mother to the kitchen, who leaned down to her ear.

“Why didn’t you tell me that the girl was the teacher’s daughter? Did you tidy up everything right?” she whispered worriedly, receiving a nod in response. “Great. She’ll tell her mother everything when she gets back.”

The youngest could only think about how extreme that was. She wasn't the best at reading people, but Sooyoung didn't seem like someone who would judge others behind their backs. She seemed wise.

"Now go upstairs, I'm making you all a snack."

That was her cue to go back to the room that Sooyoung was watching stealthily. It was small, but charming: the walls were mostly beige with brown details, the floor, doors and windows and furniture were all made of dark wood, the sofa and armchair the same green as her blouse and the striped carpet in warm tones. The bookshelf that held the small tube TV was filled with photo frames, some tapes and a VCR and the larger frames scattered around were all photos of Seohyun and Jaewoo's wedding.

It wasn't fancy at all, but it was extremely cozy. It felt like home.

“Come on, let’s go to my room” Jinsol grabbed Sooyoung’s wrist and led her up the stairs, crossing the hallway to her beloved corner.

There, the walls were all pastel pink and the furniture was made of cherry wood. There was a large window that marked the middle between the bed and the dresser with the desk by its side. The carpet was also white, but plush under the coffee table and she still collected plushies along with the school books and CDs on the shelf, and posters of baby animals.

The room brightened considerably when she opened the flowered curtain next to the window to let in some fresh air.

“Nice room” Sooyoung praised, still near the door, looking embarrassed. She didn't know what to do with her hands, so she just played with her own fingers.

“Thanks” Jinsol smiled gratefully and noticed the other finally approaching and looking at her leg.

“It really hurt, didn't it?” she pointed to the bandage on her knee. Jinsol nodded embarrassedly, avoiding her gaze.

Damn, she still remembers.

Sooyoung just felt the back pocket of her shorts and took out a small cardboard box, which she held out to the other girl.

“I thought so.”

The shortest looked at her hand speechless: bandages.

She had brought a box of bandages.

For her.

?

“Thank you…” she murmured, accepting them a little disconcerted and even confused, but touched. Her mate just nodded as if to say “it was nothing”, but it had been so kind. “Um… Shall we start?”

“Sure, sure. Where do you want to sit?”

“Let's go to the coffee table.”

Jinsol placed the bandages on the dresser and went to get the notebook along with the printed text and some pencils. Since it was the same assignment, they wouldn’t need two copies. They sat side by side on the floor with their backs on the bed and their legs stretched out.

“Oh, I forgot the Korean-English dictionary” Jinsol made a move to get up, but her gesture was promptly cutted.

“There’s no need, you can ask me anything.

“Do you speak English?”

“I do. I used to live abroad because of my mother's family.”

“Where?” Jinsol turned to her involuntarily. She was starting to get curious about her mate’s life.

“Canada” Sooyoung adjusted her glasses on her face. “Toronto, to be more exact.”

“Oh… And which place do you prefer?”

“I’m not sure” her eyebrows knitted together. “It was cool there: we always traveled to New York because it was close, I had my cousin and lots of things to do. Here’s a small town, but at least it’s safer and almost everyone knows each other. I was literate there, but it was still weird living in two languages.”

“It must be confusing.”

“It was frustrating.”

Jinsol pursed her lips in agreement.

“What did you like the most about it?”

“Hm…” Sooyoung narrowed her eyes. “Ironically, living in an apartment. I’m afraid of heights, but it was a nice view. We had a hammock on the balcony that I could swing in, and at night the buildings would all be lit up.”

“Oh, I would love it so much…” Jinsol put a hand to her mouth and widened her eyes, feeling considerably more comfortable. It was a little easier with Sooyoung, she could unwind it well. “But weren’t you scared?”

“Of what?”

“Come on, of falling out of the hammock!”

“Ah” she laughed. “It had netting!”

“Oh, I see!”

Sooyoung patted their shoulders gently, making her laugh too.

“And have you always lived here?” she shot the question back.

“Always. The most I’ve ever traveled was to relatives’ houses in another city.”

“Where?”

“Busan! I loved the beach so much. When I was little, I would play by burying myself in the sand and staying in the sea until it got dark, and my aunt has so many tapes… I would go to bed late watching movies and I don’t think I’ve seen them all to this day.”

“That sounds so fun” she nodded. “Really.”

“It is. I wanted to go there again soon. Sometimes it’s kind of boring here…”

“That’s right, but at least we can keep each other company” she took her hand, making her lower her head shyly. “What’s wrong? You don’t agree?”

“I do” she nodded quickly. “That would be good.”

“Well, I'll be your friend then” with no hesitation, Sooyoung stole the mechanical pencil from her and began to write down a sequence of numbers in the notebook. “This is my number, you can call me whenever you want.”

“Oh, then wait” Jinsol did the same, this time tearing off a piece of the paper so the other girl could put it in her pocket. “You can call me too.”

“I promise I will.”

At that moment, knocks could be heard on the door and the entry was promptly allowed. Seohyun walked in the room with a tray in her hands, placing it on the table. It contained a bowl with gyozas, another slightly smaller one with soy sauce, chopsticks and glasses of iced tea.

“I don’t want to disturb you, I just came to bring a snack” she announced as she arranged everything. “And how are the studies going?”

“Pretty well!” the girls lied.

The truth is that the graphite in that teddy bear pencil wasn't used for anything other than the phones, not even a single word, and it stayed that way while they ate and talked as if there was no greater reason for that meeting. Ha Sooyoung had proven to be a great company: she was fun, interesting, kind and they had many things in common. Of course, the bullying Jinsol had suffered as a child still had its scars, but in general, it was easier to talk to her.

Jinsol even showed her around her room better, showing all her old drawings, her vast collection of stationery, naming her stuffed animals and even playing music on the radio of the dresser. They only realized how much time had passed when the room was bathed in the strong orange sunset light. The school supplies were touched only by the breeze from the window that turned the pages of the notebook and the pair were nowhere near it, lying side by side on the bed staring at the ceiling.

“Biggest dream?” Sooyoung asked. At the moment they were playing a game of answering whatever first came to mind in a kind of different “twenty questions”, and they had been doing this for a while. “Living alone.”

“Travel the world and have a pet.”

“Why don’t you have one?”

“My sister’s allergic” Jinsol rolled her eyes. “But maybe I can convince my parents when she goes to college. Favorite food? Kimbap. ”

“Strawberry shortcake. Favorite subject? Music.”

“Arts and Korean” her face turned to the new friend. “What do you play?”

“Piano, guitar and violin.”

“That’s quite a lot” her eyes widened.

“You think so?” Sooyoung let out an embarrassed laugh. “Do you like writing?”

“I do, it helps me to vent. Family? Mine sucks, only my mom is cool.”

“Mine too, but don’t tell anyone I said that.”

“I promise I won’t.”

“Huh…” Sooyoung bit her lip. “First kiss? Weird, I didn’t like the person like that.”

“I've never kissed before” Jinsol covered her face with her hands playfully. The truth is that she wasn't in that much of a hurry.

“Hey, don't worry about it” the tallest's tone was comforting as her hand caressed her covered face. “It shouldn't be long before it's your turn. You'll find a nice boy, Jinsol.”

She herself couldn't hide her involuntary grimace.

“Okay then” she laughed. “When I kiss someone, you’ll be the first to know.”

“I hope so.”

Jinsol removed a strand of hair that was itching her face.

“I can't think of anything else.”

“Neither do I. I should go home for dinner now, but I'm so lazy…” Sooyoung squinted her eyes. Her bangs were all messed up because of the position.

“Stay, we haven’t finished listening to this CD!”

She struggled to sit up and squinted at the clock on the bedside table.

“Just a little longer” she said, lying down again. “But I can come back tomorrow, anyway. We need to get this assignment done.”

“You could come earlier and stay longer.”

“Of course I will.”

***

That same night, after dinner, the living room phone rang while the sisters were watching a boring show that the oldest insisted on putting on. Jinsol hurried to answer it knowing it was for her, and that was exactly what she and her new friend talked about. Sooyoung even tuned in to the channel on her TV so the two of them could complain and laugh together.

And on sunday, they spent the whole day together, just like Jinsol asked. They wandered around the streets, stayed home doing nothing, listened to music, watched TV and even cooked (or tried to). Homework was the last thing on the list of priorities, but that didn't mean it wasn't done. The fact that Sooyoung was bilingual had really come in handy, and since she wasn't the type to do the work for someone else and teach with the greatest patience in the world, Jinsol ended up learning a lot more than she had intended.

In the end, the English teacher wanting to form pairs wasn't that nightmare.

“Can I come by tomorrow so we can go to school together?” Sooyoung asked. It was almost dinner time, just like the day before, and they were in front of the gate to say goodbye against their will. The sunset hurt their eyes a little and the cicada sang loudly.

“Sure! I’ll be waiting.”

She smiled at the confirmation and pulled her into an awkward and surprising hug, but it didn't stop her from returning it. Sooyoung had a light peach scent and was naturally warm. She left waving just like she'd seen her do the first time they'd spoken, but without falling to the ground.

Jinsol watched her go on her way and waited until her face disappeared before finally coming into the house.

“I hate cooked broccoli” Jinsol stated, jumping over the sidewalk line.

The friends were back in their uniforms, following the same path as always, which the distance seemed short by half just because of each other's company. The street, devoid of traffic, was covered in pink petals, occasionally trampled on by the large groups of other students heading in the same direction.

“What do you mean?” Sooyoung knitted her eyebrows. “Everyone likes broccoli.”

“Yeah, I know… But not me. Not cooked.”

“It's because you're authentic” she bumped their shoulders. “But I get it, I hate carrots.”

“So you don’t eat kimbap?”

“I do. In kimbap it’s fine.”

And as if by telepathy, most of the girls walking there began to whisper and look curiously at the same very specific point, including Jinsol.

Kim Jungeun had just arrived.

She was pushing off on her skateboard as if the act of walking wasn't worth her time, but slowly enough that it was still possible to pay attention to her. It was like a famous shampoo commercial: her hair in the wind, her shining eyes and that attitude… That attitude… It was too much for such a weak heart. The way she owned the world.

Jeong would eat a bowl full of broccoli if Kim Jungeun had given it to her, and after that she remained silent, just trying to fix the scene in her memory to add to the collection she imagined to sleep every night, like a wonderful movie.

She spent the weekend so distracted that she barely thought about it, so in class a single image flashed through her mind: Kim Jungeun offering her a huge bowl of cooked broccoli. Her hand supported her chin, her eyes stared at the teacher, but her thoughts were all in the next room.

***

At lunch, Jinsol and Sooyoung went down together to the cafeteria where the shortest one rarely stayed, but with company she didn't feel insecure.

School food was hardly the best, but they ate it quickly as if it were, swallowing it in a hurry just so they could spend the rest of their free time doing nothing else. In the end, they ended up under the same cherry blossom as always, Jinsol's favorite one. Her sketchbook was not there, because she didn't feel bored.

She hugged her knees, leaning against the trunk as she stared into space with an enigmatic expression thinking about everything, an everything , sometimes too much for such a young heart. Sooyoung knew how to respect her silence as if it were her own, staring at her own legs stretched out on the grass without saying a word. Her tact was sometimes surprising for such a young age, and if she could respect that, logically other things wouldn't be a problem.

Sooyoung was very good at making people feel like they could confess even crimes to her.

“Sooyoung…” Jinsol murmured with a wavering voice. “I know we’ve only been friends for a short time, but can I trust you a secret?”

“Of course you can” she agreed with her typical benevolent calm.

“But promise you won't tell anyone?”

Her gaze was pained, her lips pressed together in a line and her eyebrows made her look like a puppy.

Suddenly, a deep silence fell. Not the comfortable one from before, it was different, as if the air had suddenly become heavy and they were the ones who had to carry it. Even the birds seemed to feel it, as they stopped chirping immediately.

“I'll do better: I'll tell you a secret too” she said.

“There’s no need…”

“My father cheated on my pregnant mother.”

The strong news given just like that, out of the blue, made Jinsol's eyes widen.

“Sooyoung…”

“No, please” Sooyoung signaled for her to stop. “You don’t need to say anything, it’s okay. Now we’re even, say what you wanted to say.”

The girl swallowed hard, adjusting her skirt. Her head was a mix of shock, flutter, empathy and a little guilt too: she didn't want her friend to feel like she had to tell something so personal to someone she had been close to for less than a week, even though she hadn't asked anything.

She shouldn't have shown it, but at least it worked. Her distrust was gone.

“So… You know Jungeun, don’t you?” her finger drew invisible circles on the grass. “Do you?”

“I do.”

“I kind of want to get closer to her.”

“Wait, was that it?” Sooyoung raised her eyebrows. “I thought it was something serious.”

“I knew I shouldn't have said it” Jinsol sighed, making a move to get up, but having her arm grabbed before she did.

“No, no, I’m sorry. Let it out.”

Sooyoung put her arm around her and pulled her close, making them both extremely comfortable. The shortest could smell her sweet peach scent again and it stole a smile from her that didn't last long.

“There’s not much to say, you know? I just hate looking at her every single day and never being able to go to her or say anything.”

“I get it.”

“Sometimes it seems like it drives me crazy” she sighed. “I know she draws attention, but with me it's different, believe me. I won't be able to live until I talk to her, but I don't know what to do! I don't even know if she would like me... Anyway.

Silence again.

“Jinsol… How much does this bother you?”

“A lot.”

Sooyoung shook her head and gently pushed her away.

“Maybe I can help, she owes me a favor.”

“Do you talk to her?” Jinsol controlled herself from raising her voice. Her heart was beating fast.

“No, but we were in the same class. It’s a long story, it doesn’t matter now, but she said I could talk to her whenever I needed or wanted. I can introduce you two.”

“She must really like you then, you’re so lucky!”

That speech made her laugh, and it was her turn to be pulled into a hug.

“I'm glad you came to talk to me on friday” Jinsol practically whispered in her ear. “And I'm sorry about that.”

“Don’t be, I needed to vent. That’s the way I managed to do it.”

“I promise this is safe with me, and if you want to vent again, I'm here to listen” she pulled away from her arms to look at her. Sooyoung looked defeated.

“Thank you, but I don’t want to get into that topic… And of course you are! Otherwise I’ll tell everyone that you think about Jungeun to sleep” she joked, lightening the mood.

Jinsol laughed out loud as she fell onto the grass, especially soft at that moment. Her eyes were closed and her face was contorted into a look of pure and true happiness: she felt as if she were being embraced by the rays of the sun and surrounded by puppies and kittens in a perfect world of rainbows. It was like taking a warm bath in the winter, eating dessert, celebrating a birthday… Everything was so magical and beautiful.

That was the best day of her life.

And when she looked up at the incredibly blue, almost cloudless midday sky, she thought that perhaps that was where the girl sitting next to her had come from.

Ha Sooyoung was like an angel who fell to earth, and deserved all the happiness in the world.

***

As night fell at Jinsol's house, hormones were raging and the atmosphere was tense: her friends had stolen the phone from the living room and rushed it to the bedroom at the first moment the family got careless, because what they were about to do would terrify all the parents in the neighborhood, including their own. They didn't want to take the risk.

Jinsol paced back and forth, so nervous that if this were a cartoon, a hole would be growing bigger and bigger in the ground. Sooyoung sat on the floor next to the device plugged in, searching incessantly in her diary for the damn page with the number written down. She hadn't thrown it away, she knew that, but finding it wasn’t easy and they didn't have much time, since she had gone there after dinner and piano lesson and had to be back on time.

“What are you going to tell her?” Jinsol asked. She had gotten on her knees in front of her friend, staring at her like a madman.

“First, “hello.”

Her eyebrows furrowed together as she pouted. Normally she loved how Sooyoung was always so peaceful and seemed to not really care about anything, but at that moment she wanted to shake her and make her react. She didn't seem to understand the gravity of the situation and it was really frustrating.

“Then I'll make a plan to meet up at the arcade” she continued.

“And where do I come in?”

“You’ll be the friend who really wants to go there, but hates playing alone.”

“And why doesn’t this “friend” play with you already?” Jinsol tilted her head to the side.

“She knows I hate arcade” Sooyoung adjusted her glasses on her face. “I'm only free after school on friday, is that okay? she put the phone to her ear, ready to dial, just waiting for the confirmation that came promptly.

“I hope she’s really at home…”

The phone rang once, twice, three times until the fourth time someone answered. Jinsol watched everything as if she were between life and death, not even daring to get close to the device as if it were a bomb about to explode, even though curiosity was killing her. She wanted to put her ear as close as she could to the sound output in the hope of getting at least a sliver of a word from her, but something kept her far away.

“Hello? It’s Ha Sooyoung. Ha Sooyoung. Yes. Is Jungeun there?” she moved the phone to the side. “When she comes back, can you please ask her to call me? She knows the number. Thank you, good night.”

End of the call.

Sooyoung shook her head, looking at her friend with a disgusted look.

“It was her stepmother who answered.”

“I didn’t even know she had a stepmother. But come on, why didn’t you give her my number?”

“You didn't want me to talk to her?” she fired back, putting the phone back on the hook. “And you two don’t talk to each other, she would find it strange.”

Jinsol nodded and walked towards her, finally sitting next to her. What a strange feeling.

“You’re right, my logic isn’t the best right now… But I still don’t understand why I can’t just talk in person.”

“You know how those people are: they would find out and make it the talk of the week. Leave it for when you're already close, if you are.”

The shortest swallowed dryly: she hadn't thought about it that way.

If she and Jungeun were to hang out together, that popularity would end up spilling over to her, and whoever was seen was remembered and consequently talked about, and people would still wonder why her. She was terrified of being the center of attention and even more of being made fun of, but sooner or later she would go down that path and she knew it. Kim Jungeun had been her fascination for years and it would take a lot to make it disappear like that.

Even if she hadn't had help, she knew that at some point her feelings would scream louder than her fear and that would take her to places she couldn't even imagine to sleep. You can't run away from your heart.

And in the end it was already done.

“Well, I'm going now or my parents will kill me” Sooyoung put the diary in the bag she had taken in a hurry just for that and stood up. “Don't forget to take the phone back.”

Jinsol jumped up and practically ran towards her, wrapping her in a tight and surprising hug. It took a few seconds for the gesture to be returned.

“I love you, I love you, I love you” she murmured happily before pulling away briefly to kiss her cheek. “Thank you, really.”

The tallest one let out a nervous laugh in fright.

“You’re welcome. So… See you tomorrow?”

“See you tomorrow” Jinsol nodded, hugging her again to finally let her go. “Do you want me to take you to the gate?”

“I’m fine.”

That time, she watched her cross the street through the bedroom window. Her pace was fast, almost ran, making her body disappear from view in record time in the darkness. And the moment she found herself alone in the suddenly empty and silent room, that was when everything really hit her.

It would be hard to fall asleep that night.

Kim Jungeun returned the call a few hours later, when Sooyoung was already in bed. Luckily, Sooyoung had a phone in her bedroom and her own line free of extensions, and Jinsol heard about it the next morning on the way to school.

Unlike when she avoided the sidewalk lines just for fun, that day she had no requirements to jump. Her joy was so great that she could skip all over the town without getting tired, after all, Jungeun said yes! And again that magical feeling took over her being, like butterflies in her stomach mixed with hope and a good anxiety. Her cheeks were even more blushed.

She spent the day blindly expecting some interaction between the two, any interaction, but Jungeun didn't even look at her when they almost bumped into each other in the school courtyard. Which made sense, after all Sooyoung hadn't said who was that friend at her own request, embarrassed. But try to explain this to a teenager in love.

She didn't care about anything else, all that mattered at that moment was 1- Kim Jungeun and 2- friday, aka the day she would meet Kim Jungeun. Period. Nothing more.

“Did you hear what I said?” Sooyoung caught her attention, snapping her out of a trance.

They were under the same cherry blossom, much quieter than usual. It was as if there was a wall between their two bodies, isolating them in their own little world with only their feelings and thoughts about everything. Too much everything for such young hearts.

“No, I’m sorry… Can you say it again?”

“I can’t go to your house today, I have swimming practice.”

“Okay, but can you sleep over on friday? I'll need someone to talk to about… You know” Jinsol's legs shook in excitement. “Then we can go to saturday classes together.”

“I can. I mean, I’ll ask my parents, but my mom already knows yours from the class councils, so…”

And suddenly, she felt something fall onto her lap. It was Jinsol's head.

“What a joy, oh my god…” she murmured as she settled herself, lying comfortably. “Thanks to you.”

Sooyoung simply remained silent, not knowing what to say or how to act. She supported herself with her hands on either side, staring at her friend’s scalp while she could sleep there peacefully.

“You don’t seem so excited” Jinsol pointed out.

“It's you who wants this, not me.”

“Why?”

Sooyoung sighed.

“I don't like Kim Jungeun.”

And like a very predictable hurricane, Jinsol raised her body as if the world was ending. Her lips were half-open and her eyes wide in the direction of her friend, who remained calm, because she hadn’t been the one who heard the biggest absurdity of her life.

“What? Why?” she asked.

She wasn't mad, because the act of disliking wasn’t an offense and she doubted Sooyoung would do something like that, knowing that the two had already had some contact. Her curiosity was great and genuine.

“I just don’t” she shrugged. “Just like I don’t like carrots, I don’t like Jungeun.”

“You don’t like carrots because you’ve already tried them and you know them, and you don’t like Jungeun because you probably don’t know her well.”

“And do you?” a lonely laugh escaped her lips, resulting in a not very positive reaction. “Sorry, that was cruel.”

“Whatever, I'll meet her, anyway. And you'll come along and understand my point.”

“And wouldn’t my understanding make you jealous?”

Jinsol shook her head.

“No one will ever love her like I do.”

***

The week passed by painfully slowly and lonely, feeling like the last few days had never happened. Sooyoung’s parents were quite demanding, so the amount of extracurricular classes and independent studies made it difficult for the friends to meet up after school, and her absence made Jinsol want to climb the walls. She had gotten used to having her by her side all too quickly, so being alone in the free time again was like losing a vital organ.

The urge to dial the already familiar number was always present, but her brain had lost the ability to formulate any other topic that didn't have to do with that one girl, so in the end it would be worthless.

At least they would always have the school and the weekends.

The boredom was so great that the girl even went back to writing in the diary that she hid in a false bottom in the dresser’s drawer, due to a paranoia that she herself caused after secretly reading her sister's when she was the same age. Since she only wrote when she felt like it and the notebook was a little thicker, it was the same for years, so just by turning a few pages it was possible to revisit poems, rants and endless confessions, all about her one-sided story with Kim Jungeun.

Having just moved from a school where she suffered bullying and just starting middle school, that weird place where younger girls trade stickers and collect scented gel pens and older girls swap makeup tips and talk about their secret boyfriends, all in the same building. And having only befriended a girl named Choi Yerim the following year, Jeong Jinsol walked the halls alone and didn't dare to take her eyes off the ground. Always elusive and quiet, she ended up letting many seniors take advantage of her and was sick of it.

On the other hand, there was Kim Jungeun, the coolest seventh grader who never lowered her head, whether to older students or teachers, and was even suspended a few times. Over the years, she got a reputation around town for her childish pranks and recklessness, whether to hate her or to love her. Girls left, girls came in, and her name was never far from the gossip circles, almost like a niche tradition. There were even those who secretly wished she were a boy.

Jinsol was the one who did it first.

Jinsol didn't really want to be like her, maybe at first, but she felt like dying in a good way every time she saw her classmate argue against the management or disobey some rule that she considered unfair when they were from the same class. She always lost, but was never a loser. And Jinsol had several idols and people she admired in the past, but with Jungeun it was different... With Jungeun, she wanted her hand stuck in hers forever in paper rings and to spread kisses all over her face.

And after many painfully dragged hours, the day finally came.

There wasn't even a confirmation beforehand, but the girls knew that going to the arcade after school was an ask to bump into her if she wasn't in detention, and that's what they did. The path seemed endless, and at the same time too fast for Jinsol to calm down. Her hands were sweating and her heart was pounding in despair. Even all the time in the world couldn’t prepare her for that.

Nothing could prepare her for that.

Help.

“Please tell me again that I won’t mess it up” she begged her friend.

“You never mess up, Jinsol.”

“I did with you.”

“Well, I don’t know when” Sooyoung linked her arm with hers. That was the first contact they had made that day, since she was also a little quieter. “I’m here, okay? You need to calm down.”

When they got there, the place was quite crowded, considering it wasn't as big as the arcades in big cities. The floor was covered in navy blue carpet with some neon details, the walls followed the same line and the lighting was provided exclusively by the purple LED on the ceiling and the incredibly saturated colors of the machines' monitors. The predominant sound was from the games and from kids also in school uniforms shouting "go, go!" and occasionally arguing. It was chaotic.

Of course, since it was rare for any girl to show up there, the girls ended up attracting some looks and elbows as soon as they arrived. The vast majority who weren't distracted seemed to wonder if the two were lost or if they were someone's girlfriend, but Jinsol didn't really care. The only person who mattered at that moment was in the back playing Pac-Man as if her life depended on it.

“Let's wait for her to lose” Sooyoung murmured in her ear.

And it took a good few minutes for this, such was her skill, and Jinsol did it without moving a muscle, watching her attentively. She didn't even know what was happening outside of that fixed point that she stared at practically without blinking in an almost hypnotic trance. Tense moments.

Losing the match, Jungeun almost started another one before the duo quickly approached her. Sooyoung said nothing, just touched her arm lightly and smiled weakly as if to say “hi”, making the girl get a little scared when seeing her.

“My god, you came” a surprised and even confused laugh escaped her lips.

“Yes, I came. This is the friend I told you about on the phone: Jeong Jinsol.”

“Ah. Nice to meet you, I’m Kim Jungeun” she greeted briefly, a little reclusive, but friendly.

Her voice was extremely pleasant, and her cheeks looked adorably flushed from the heat. She was ten times more beautiful up close, but her look seemed ten times less intimidating. It was almost as if she was just another ordinary teenager, who happened to have a reputation and the most beautiful personality, beautiful face, beautiful eyes, beautiful nose, beautiful lips, and beautiful everything. Especially in that light.

Jinsol thought everything about her was amazing.

“I know” Jinsol laughed shyly, returning the gesture. “Nice to meet you too.”

Jungeun shook her head and looked her up and down, looking somewhat intrigued, and Jinsol bit the inside of her cheek nervously, but she couldn't read her expression.

“Did you bring money for the tokens?” Sooyoung asked her friend.

“Relax, I have it here” Jungeun patted the bag she was carrying cross-body. “Are you going to play with us, Sooyoung?”

“Uh…” she turned back to Jinsol, whose eyes were twice as big as a puppy’s. She hoped she had interpreted it correctly. “I just came to introduce you, I’ll just watch.”

“Okay then… And what about you, what do you want to play?”

“I don’t know, I’ve never been here before” Jinsol pressed her lips together. Her words always came out almost inaudibly.

And as if it were nothing, Kim Jungeun simply put her arm around her shoulder and guided her around the place. She felt her heart almost jump out of her mouth again, just like on a roller coaster, and since the girl was a little shorter than her, it wouldn't be hard for her to be pulled to the ground where she could finally die. And she would die happy. Her skin was soft and she smelled of a floral and woody fragrance, the aroma matching her and being truly wonderful, just like being by her side.

Jinsol even wanted to ask what the name of the perfume was so she could ask for a bottle for her birthday, spray it on her clothes and smell it whenever she wanted. Would that be too much?

“You look like someone who likes prizes, I'll show you one that gives tickets” was what she said when she took her to a simple basketball game.

This and another one that was under maintenance were the only ones that weren't exactly a video game and that actually allowed you to win something other than a record.

Jinsol looked back with regret.

“Can you wait here for a second? I'll be right back” it took some mental effort for her to break away from Jungeun, who nodded as she watched her walk back to Sooyoung.

“What's wrong? Is everything okay?” Sooyoung was immediately concerned, whispering with her eyes fixed on Jungeun’s, who was staring back at her from feet away.

“Yes, I’m great! Actually, I don’t think you have to stay if you don’t want to.”

The tallest one took a few seconds to answer.

“Are you sure?”

“I know you hate arcades and you just came here to support me, but I'm fine, really. You're alone there, I don't want to make you uncomfortable.

“Oh… Okay then” she cleared her throat. “See you at your place later?”

“Please!”

Jinsol opened her arms towards her in a quick farewell, before taking a deep breath and coming back to the dream exactly where it left off.

“Is she leaving already?” Jungeun asked, following Sooyoung's body with her eyes as she headed towards the door.

“Yeah. She’s not feeling very well” the tallest’s hands played with the hem of her skirt.

“I get it.”

Kim unzipped the front of her bag and took out a token and inserted it into the machine. Soon, neon numbers began to show up on the screen in a countdown before the balls rolled towards them. The pair threw them quickly and in turns, Jinsol struggling to make a single basket: the only athletic ability she had was gymnastics, thanks to the classes she took as a child, but the sight of Kim Jungeun making point after point with barely any effort and looking more beautiful than ever was not the greatest ally in concentration either.

She tucked two strands of hair behind her ear and took a few seconds for her final attempt, which she missed by a whisker in the last millisecond.

“You almost got it!” Jungeun's eyes widened. She took out the tickets, many, by the way, that she managed to get, and handed them to the tallest one. “Keep this with you, I'll put another token in and this time it’ll work.”

Said and done. When the second game began, Jungeun handed her a ball and positioned herself behind her, guiding her hands in the exact direction she needed to throw and dictating the necessary force, and she did so until she considered that the girl had gotten the hang of it.

That one, which at that point had already passed out a long time ago…

“Let’s play for real now, you learn fast.”

Another token inserted.

And the teenagers spent much more time than it seemed that way, in friendly competitions whose winner they never knew, since they lost count of the individual points, but the laughter was frequent and the minutes seemed to fly by. Jinsol felt as if she was in a bubble capable of isolating everything that had nothing to do with that exact moment, be it intrusions, outside sounds or even distant thoughts. It was a little world of their own within a place where they were merely tolerated.

At the end of what seemed like just the fourth game, another generous batch of tickets was released.

“I don’t know what they’re for if there’s nowhere to exchange them” Jinsol pointed out.

“But there is” Jungeun captured them and handed it over again. “That's why I suggested this game. Come, I'll show you.”

She signaled to follow her, ledding her to a simple counter in a not very favorable area, where you could buy tokens and win prizes. Surprisingly the vast majority were still available and even half the price.

“I think we can exchange it, there's even some left over” Jungeun raised an eyebrow. “What do you want?”

Among the prizes were sticker sheets, stationery, keychains, assorted candies and many, many stuffed animals of different sizes. Jinsol's eyes lit up as soon as she saw the huge teddy bear that almost fell off the shelf and landed on the poor attendant's head. It wouldn't even fit on her shelf, but so what? She wanted it.

“Is it the bear? Let’s count the tickets.”

“No, no” she cut her off, shaking her head. “That way there won’t be anything left for you. The tokens were yours.”

“I don’t want anything, Jinsol” she laughed. “Give them to me so I can count.”

Jinsol did so promptly and watched her handle them completely softened for the hundredth time that afternoon.

What a girl.

“Only three left” Jungeun snorted. “Hold on there.”

She left the tickets and bag with Jinsol again and went off to play one more match by herself just to make up the amount. Soon after, she was back with even more than just three.

“Hey, dude” the shortest one greeted the attendant, positioning it all on the counter.

The guy who worked there looked to be at most two years older than them and the type who hated formalities. He wore square glasses, a purple uniform shirt and had a tired expression.

“Sup? Is it more tokens?”

“No, I want to switch these tickets.”

She turned to the girl beside her, who subtly pointed to her object of desire. Handed over to her hands, it was hard to even carry it, but the wide smile on her face made it clear that this was far from a problem (and how easy it was to please her, especially coming from a certain person).

“So, do you have a curfew?” Jungeun wanted to know.

“Only at dinner time.”

“Good. Let's go out and do something else.”

She took her bag back and linked her arm with hers. Even after years of veiled admiration, Jinsol was surprised by the way she acted with her: she knew exactly what she wanted, what to do and had no hesitation. Her initiatives were as if she knew she would never receive a “no” from that mouth (or from practically any other) such was the confidence she carried in her being. That was Kim Jungeun. But she wasn’t a snob, far from it.

Kim Jungeun was wonderfully nice.

Outside, the sky was turning pinker by the minute. The girls walked side by side to the empty convenience store a few blocks away: in a small town, there wasn't much else to do besides buy fruit popsicles and sit on the curb. Jinsol liked strawberry and Jungeun chose the grape flavoured one, the second one having paid for both at her own insistence.

The teddy bear's integrity was hardly and carefully guarded, since it insisted on touching the ground due to its size.

At this point, Jinsol already felt a little more comfortable in her presence, but still not enough to know what to say in a silence like that. It was still a little strange to be there.

“Did you like the arcade?” Jungeun broke it.

“I did.”

“I can show you other games that you might like next time, just swing by. Sooyoung too, if she wants.”

Jinsol smiled involuntarily.

“That would be nice.”

“Today would be hard with him” Jungeun pointed to the plushie. “Are you going to give it a name?”

“I haven’t thought of it yet… You can choose if you want.”

“Argh, I'm terrible at these things” her face contorted into a playful grimace. “Hm… Jungeunie.”

Such speech drew a hearty laugh from them.

“Okay, Jungeunie.”

“Wait, seriously? I was kidding!” she laughed even more.

“You kind of gave it to me, it's fair.”

“You’re actually funny” she shook her head, making Jinsol’s face heat up and reach almost the same reddish tone as the popsicle.

Not knowing what to say, the tallest girl simply took the last bite of the almost melted candy and put the stick in her bag. She wasn't stupid enough to throw away such a souvenir. It would go into her diary.

And they remained there carefree for a considerable time, just staring into space without any reason or rush to get up. The street was peaceful and quiet, the weather pleasant and the breeze fresh: Jinsol could see Kim Jungeun’s silky medium locks in the gentle wind and her serene face licking her lips colored by the artificial grape flavor. For the first time in her almost fifteen years, she had to truly control herself to not give in to a certain impulse, and she never thought it would be so hard.

“I didn't know you were hanging out with Sooyoung” Jungeun said.

Great, a distraction.

“Yes, I am. I didn’t know you all knew each other.”

“We do” she ran her hand through her hair and turned to her friend (?), analyzing her face carefully. “You're not a stranger to me, you know?”

Such a statement made Jinsol's heart make an Olympic leap and her lips stretched automatically.

“Do you… See me?”

“Why not? I was trying to remember when you greeted me. We used to be in the same class, right?”

“We were” the confirmation came quickly in a contained but hard to disguise enthusiasm. “Seventh grade.”

“Yeah, something near it, but you didn’t talk much.”

“I still don’t, actually” Jinsol looked down, embarrassed. “Not much has changed.”

“Well, you’re talking now” she shrugged.

“I am, right?”

On the corner, a street light turned on, indicating that it was about to get dark, to her disappointment. She wished time would stop at that exact moment so she could spend the rest of her life talking to Jungeun, perhaps the safety of eternity would give her the courage to do so, since it would take time for them to reach a connection. But they would.

At least that was still the best evening of her life, and it wasn't over. They were still there.

“It was that year that you scratched my dad's car with your bike” Jinsol let out a little laugh at the sudden memory. “I laughed my head off.”

“Was that your dad?”

She nodded.

“He blew a gasket, it was total chaos at my place.”

“Oh, man…” Jungeun sighed in a good mood. “It was hilarious, he shouted that he was going to kill me. I’ll walk you home today just to say “hi” to him.”

Jinsol’s eyes widened, causing Jungeun to burst out laughing. Meanwhile, unfortunately, the sky seemed to be getting even darker by the minute.

“Hey, I have to go now…” she announced with some regret, pursing her lips. “It must be almost dinner time, I can't be late.”

Without hesitation, the shortest composed herself, agreeing and standing up while holding out her hand for her to get up.

“You really don’t want me to take you home?” she offered, adjusting her uniform shirt.

“I'm fine, but thanks anyway.”

On the outside, Jinsol smiled cordially as if she were refusing a simple glass of water, but on the inside she wanted to die as if the water was actually a powerful love potion for Kim Jungeun.

For a moment she wondered if this was how Romeo and Juliet felt.

“All right then.”

“Thank you for Jungeunie” she chuckled. “And for the day, it was fun.”

Jungeun simply smiled.

The teenagers stared at each other for a few seconds, not knowing exactly what to do from there. Nothing could be more awkward.

“Come back to the arcade some time” Jungeun suggested. “Or we could do something else.”

“I’d love that.”

And without any prior warning, Jinsol had her body wrapped in Kim Jungeun's arms in an awkward and somewhat shy hug. It was hard to return because of the plushie and the gesture lasted only a few seconds, but it would take much more than that for her brain to process what had just happened: it was much better than in her daydreams. It was much better than anything.

She couldn't help but inhale the soft scent of her shampoo, smelling as good as her perfume, and as they stopped, their faces became dangerously close. For the tallest, this was the worst torture.

“Bye, Jinsol” she said.

“Bye, Jungeun.”

She took a step back regretfully with a silly smile, taking her time to leave.

“Hey, my dad’s a buzzkill, you know? I won’t complain if you scratch his car again.”

“Promise?” Jungeun raised an eyebrow.

Jinsol didn't answer, she just turned back and left.

She couldn't wait to close the bedroom door, sit on the bed, and tell Sooyoung everything.

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god

At home, she was lucky enough to come in before her friend, just as planned. Her parents obviously noticed the new “friend” she was carrying, and that’s exactly what she said: she was with Sooyoung, who had to stop by first. Simple and effective. She went to take a quick shower and when Sooyoung herself arrived, she had no problem confirming the story at dinner.

Seohyun took advantage of the occasion and made hwachae for dessert to cool down and, of course, please the older Ha by taking such good care of her daughter.

The girl spent the entire meal answering questions about how her parents were doing with the pregnancy, how she was doing at school and what extracurricular activities she did, and of course, being showered with compliments for it. She was very well-spoken and interacted with adults almost as if she were one too. She even looked like Heejin in some ways, something that didn't go unnoticed by anyone and Jinsol forced herself to ignore it.

The difference was that she liked Sooyoung.

With their stomachs full and the seemingly endless conversation over, the youngest could finally go up to her bedroom for what she had been longing for.

“I thought we would never leave there, my parents don't usually talk that much” her eyes rolled as she turned on the light.

They changed into their pajamas right there, back to back. Jinsol’s was a blue frilly nightgown and Sooyoung’s was a white set with small flowers printed on it, consisting of shorts and a short-sleeved shirt. Her hair had been let down and her glasses took off.

“You look beautiful like this” Jinsol complimented as soon as she saw her. She came closer and played with the ends of her locks. “Why don’t you wear it like this all the time?”

“I prefer it tied up.”

“I think it looks good either way” she shrugged good-naturedly.

The light was turned off again, the lamp was on and the radio playing the first showed up CD at a comfortable volume, with the sole purpose of drowning out the conversations on the mattress that Seohyun had arranged next to the bed, in place of the coffee table. The friends lay down side by side, sharing a single pillow while facing the ceiling. There was a lot to say, but how to start?

“Have you ever felt like you were on a roller coaster for no reason?” Jinsol asked.

“A lot, already” her friend bit her lip.

She grabbed a pillow from the bed and pressed it against her face with a small scream. Her hands went to Sooyoung's shoulders, shaking her.

“Sooyoung in heaven! I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die!”

“It looks like everything went well, then” Sooyoung raised her eyebrows, ignoring the gesture.

“Much better than I thought! Of course I felt weird at first, I didn’t know what to say, but since I prepared myself before it was a little easier” her bent legs moved excitedly, sometimes “bumping” into the other’s knee. “Can you believe that by the end I was even less shy? I don’t even know what happened… Like, Wow.”

“Look at you now, Jinsol…” the tallest one shook her head, looking at the teddy bear on the bed. “Was she the one who gave you that?”

“It was. Jungeunie” she sighed. “She even hugged me, can you believe it? And she paid for the popsicles. She wants to see me again one of these days, I can't wait! I think I'll even dream with it.”

“Okay… But what if your parents find out?”

“They won’t, they only care about my sister. Only if someone gossip later, but adults don’t do it as much as we do: they like to crucify her, but they don’t care enough to talk about everything. ” she narrowed her eyes. “As for the people at school, I think I don’t care that much anymore. I weighed it up, you know?”

Sooyoung just nodded.

“You really are in love” her words didn’t have a hint of doubt. It was a clear statement, said to the plaster ceiling as if it were nothing.

Jinsol remained silent for a few seconds, staring at the same point.

“I think at this point it can no longer be ignored” her tone softened.

“Did you ignore it?”

“I've never even looked at a boy like that, but I've also never liked any "real" girl before, like, who isn't famous” she adjusted herself on the mattress. “It was a little weird.”

“It's because you've always liked the same one” she shrugged. “But look, when I lived in Canada I was neighbors with a couple of two women. It's more normal than it seems and it's right there, you just need to have eyes to see.”

“I don't want to think about it now” her legs stretched out. “I just want to be next to her and kiss her, and I think she wanted to too…”

“For God's sake, Jinsol” Sooyoung’s face contorted into a grimace. “I don't need to know everything!”

Jinsol burst out laughing, making her friend roll her eyes annoyed.

“No, but seriously: I think she knows.”

“Uh-huh.”

She laughed again.

“It’s so funny how you pretend to not like Jungeun! But I know you were also looking at her that day. But don’t worry, I’m not jealous of you.”

“What day?” her eyebrows knitted together.

“Last friday at lunch. You were under a tree near mine when she passed by. I saw you.”

At that moment, the friends were staring at each other, face to face. A softer song had just started playing and Jinsol hung her head feeling like a genius. She had caught her.

“I wasn't looking at Jungeun” Sooyoung stated, a little tired, it seemed. “I was looking at you.”

And suddenly, the world seemed to stop. The shortest's smug expression gave way to a god-knows-what one while inside the greatest epiphany of her life consumed her completely. And staring into her friend's gaze, so close to hers and shining with the half-light, and all the nonconformity there was in it, she felt stupid. She had finally understood.

Sooyoung was in love with her.

Sooyoung.

Daylight came in light as a feather. The bluish tones and silence still prevailed when the first rays of sunlight invaded the room through the gap in the curtain, everything in a delicacy that could only be seen at that time and would be missed through the day.

Sooyoung woke up before the alarm clock thanks to her sensitivity to light. She was a light sleeper, and the first thing she saw when opening her eyes was the serene face of her friend lying next to her, facing her in a deep and peaceful sleep, so close that her glasses weren't even needed. She took off a lock of the girl’s hair that was in the way of the most beautiful sight: Jinsol must have had no idea how stunning she was, otherwise she would be the most conceited girl in the world.

Her hair fell like waterfalls and her face seemed to have been sculpted by gods. When that pair of gentle eyes turned towards her or those pink lips opened in a smile, her heart immediately warmed. The most worthwhile wonder of the world was mere inches away, but Sooyoung wasn’t shallow: no one admired that extremely kind personality and the adorable mannerisms like her.

Jeong Jinsol was a living daydream.

Sooyoung wanted her for herself and to do whatever made her happy, not as a best friend, that label was no longer enough, but after last night she knew it was impossible. She smiled in her sleep, probably dreaming of the date with the incredible Kim Jungeun, which is why she awkwardly decided to change the topic after the confession. Such a memory made her feelings feel heavy.

She turned to the other side in pain and even moved away from her body, reliving the moment with a frown over and over again until the alarm clock rang.

She should’ve forced herself to get over it the moment Jinsol’s head was on her lap while talking about someone else, or even given up on any move as soon as she saw the way she looked at Jungeun under that cherry blossom. It was too optimistic to think that she would change and see Sooyoung there, but not only did she fall for it, but without seeing a way out, she contributed to her own downfall.

But you can't run away from your heart.

“What a drag…” Jinsol muttered as the clock beeped, feeling around on the floor in search of a way to turn it off. She had probably forgotten where she had slept.

Sooyoung didn't even move when she heard her struggle to get up. She even wondered if they would ever talk about it, but she already knew her friend well enough not to hold on to hope.

But she couldn't deny her surprise when she found out how terrible she was at giving signals. Jinsol had no idea.

She wanted to hit her own forehead for that.

“Hey, Sooyoung” she whispered in her ear, shaking her shoulder. “It's time.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I'm going to get ready, okay?”

Lazily, she finally turned around and raised her body.

“Okay. I'm going too.”

The shortest seemed slightly embarrassed about god-knows-what. She simply agreed, picked up her uniform and left towards the bathroom, where she stayed for a good few minutes.

Meanwhile, Sooyoung took the opportunity to put on the glasses and check the bag she would take: it was considerably lighter that day, since school saturdays were easier than the rest of the week. They learned home economics, arts and P.E, and classes were only in the morning. The two would have the rest of the day free to keep the awkward atmosphere as they pleased, since she would be leaving at the end of the day for her mother's baby shower.

***

Back ready a few minutes later, Jinsol's wet hair dripped onto the floor wherever she walked and the scent of vanilla moisturizer was very present. The moment she sat down in front of the full-length mirror and turned on the hairdryer, Sooyoung knew it was her cue: she hated that sound with all her might, it was no wonder she dried her hair naturally whenever she could. She was lucky to have washed the night before which made getting ready quicker.

The friends ate breakfast in silence with Heejin, who was reading a thick book while sipping her soup. Jinsol's father had left early for work and her mother had already eaten with her husband, so it was just them there.

Despite being born in South Korea to korean parents, the guest's family had adopted some western customs due to their many years abroad, so she had gotten out of the habit of eating leftovers from dinner as soon as she woke up, as she wasn't hungry enough for it. However, Seohyun was such a good cook that she easily worked up an appetite.

“Oh, you didn't say what the baby's name will be” Heejin started the conversation. “Or are your parents still deciding?”

“Seoyeon” Sooyoung smiled weakly.

“Wow, Sooyoung and Seoyeon… What does Seoyeon mean?”

“Beautiful and brilliant. My parents wanted something that smacked of intelligence, they kind of have her whole life planned out.”

“They’re right. All the Seoyeons I've met were like that.”

Sooyoung simply nodded. She hated that topic, last night was more than enough.

“Well, I'm going to wash these dishes right away or I'll miss the bus” the oldest girl left the book on the table and stood up, gathering the empty bowls. “Finish it quickly or it’ll fall on Jinsol.”

And as if by magic, all the food was teleported to both of their stomachs as if they were at school, where they left not long after. Their was closer than Heejin’s and the walk there was quick, so they didn't need to leave so early, but there wasn't much to do at home and the silence was starting to get annoying.

It seemed like they were running away from themselves while refusing to leave each other's side.

“Do you want to rent a movie later?” Jinsol asked without taking her eyes off the sidewalk, a little apprehensive

“Sure.”

“I'll let you choose this time” she chuckled.

The tallest just tightened her ponytail and adjusted her uniform skirt: at least they were talking. It really was just a matter of time until everything went back to normality, as if that weird moment they shared had never happened and then they would go back to being the same best friends, nothing more than platonic as before. Maybe it should’ve been like that from the beginning, after all, what was she thinking?

And with that, Sooyoung thought that maybe she really should get over Jinsol: it had been a year, this passion had lasted too long and as if it wasn't enough to have her by her side also suffering for someone impossible.

Or maybe not so much, judging by the way Kim Jungeun waved at the two with a wide smile as soon as she saw them pass through the hallway, somehow without necessarily letting go of her cool look. Jinsol looked like she was about to melt, while Sooyoung returned the gesture as if it was nothing, which for her it was. She never admitted it because she had the impression that she wouldn't be heard, but she considered Jungeun to have a somewhat dubious character. You can't expect much from someone in those circumstances, but Sooyoung wasn't in the best of shape either.

Maybe she had changed, maybe not, but Jinsol being Jinsol would never believe it. She would find out for herself, and maybe with that she would run back into her arms and love her back. It was a hope that was really hard not to hold on to, selfish and certainly the worst option. But tempting.

Oh, what a mess.

“Jungeun is in the stands of the court and there’s no one there, I saw it” she whispered to Sooyoung, minutes later. “I'm going to take the opportunity to say “hi” before the bell rings, okay?”

“Sure.”

And once again she watched her lover leave her side to the arms of another one without thinking twice. It was starting to become a routine. Getting over her would be harder than she thought.

In art class that day, she painted a landscape in sharp, contrasting strokes: vanilla flowers.

***

The ride back after lunch was as silent as the ride there. The day was cloudy, but still pleasantly warm, and Sooyoung squinted against the brightness until they got on the bus. It was a small town, so the ride to the downtown took less than ten minutes, during which the friends spent watching the cars through the window. Jinsol, of course, was completely oblivious.

Sometimes it felt like she lived inside her own head, giving up what was right in front of her in favor of daydreams. Sooyoung knew who was stealing her attention, and she thought it was extremely unfair: the girl in question wasn't even there at the moment, she looked like a burden.

Arriving at the stop where they needed to get off, it was possible to notice that the main streets were more crowded than normal. They didn't know why, but they held hands just to make sure they wouldn't get lost, and the tallest one wanted to die right there with the act, which to her, seemed more like a kind of teasing from the universe of what she couldn't have. The hum was abundant and confusing and on narrow paths and with great caution to avoid bumping into each other, the girls didn't have to walk far until they saw the storefront of the rental store just ahead.

“Good afternoon” they greeted as soon as they walked through the door with the bell. The attendant answered without taking her eyes off her nails: she was a young woman, didn't look more than twenty five and she had long, dark hair half-tied up with a headband.

The store, empty at the moment, was covered in red carpet and the “free” walls were covered in posters. Jinsol let her friend wander through the shelves looking for something to watch, since the choice was hers. Without finding anything that interested her or even having the patience to read the synopses, she came back shortly after with a tape of what she knew was Jinsol’s favorite movie: Kiki’s Delivery Service. Maybe it was all in her head, but the shortest’s eyes actually lit up at the sight.

She was really enchanting.

Damn.

“Could this be it?” she asked unnecessarily, getting a quick shake of head in response.

On the way out after paying, they took advantage of the fact that they were already there and stopped at the churros stand. Sooyoung wanted to buy one more for Heejin, since she really hit it off with her, and ended up doing so in the end, even with Jinsol being against it.

She was in love with her friend and it was natural to want to please her, but it had nothing to do with that one-sided squabble.

“Let’s take it to eat on the bus” she suggested.

“Great idea.”

***

“Mom, we're back!” Jinsol announced as soon as they opened the door, the pair taking off their shoes, leaving them on the threshold and exchanging them for slippers.

Seohyun was out of sight and probably hadn't heard from wherever she was, and that was it.

“She’s at the neighbor's place” Heejin said as she walked down the stairs. She was wearing a light green summer dress with a flowing fit and elastic on the sleeves, her hair was in a half-updo, and in her hands, she was carrying a pair of silver sandals. “I’m leaving too.”

“Where are you going?” Jinsol tilted her head to the side.

“Hang out with a friend.”

As she put on her shoes, Sooyoung opened her bag and took out the churros she had bought, wrapped for take-out.

“We went downtown, I brought you an extra one” she held it out to the oldest, who opened the package curiously.

“How sweet… Thank you, okay? I’ll eat it now on the way” Heejin smiled broadly, adjusting her small shoulder bag. "You're a great example, I’m glad you two are hanging out.”

“Don’t you have to go find your friend?” Jinsol urged her, not looking very happy.

“Bye Sooyoung, have fun you both” she made a move to leave and Sooyoung waved happily. “Bye Jinsol.”

She herself didn't answer, she just waited silently until her sister's face disappeared from the room. Finally the door was closed.

“Yeah, I'm going to take off this uniform” she announced, heading towards the stairs. “If you didn't bring extra clothes, I can lend you some.”

“I did, but thanks anyway."

They both wore denim shorts and comfortable short-sleeved shirts, Jinsol's being lilac with white stripes and Sooyoung's being light blue. They made popcorn, got iced tea and settled down on the rug with their backs to the couch in front of the tube TV.

It was adorable, to say the least, the way Jinsol was so happy just watching a movie about a young witch and her talking cat, staring at the small screen with its hissing sound and ghosting without even blinking. It was the first time Sooyoung had seen her get so excited about something that didn’t have to do with Kim Jungeun. It was beautiful to see.

“Can I say?” she turned to her friend after a while, drawing her attention without realizing she already had it. Her tone of voice seemed dejected. “I kind of felt like her when you started hanging out with me.”

“What do you mean?” the tallest one brought her knees towards her.

“I was alone just like Kiki, even though I wasn’t in an unknown city. I was used to it, but when you wanted to get closer to me it felt so good. I was so relieved even though it didn’t seem like it, so happy… You made me happy, Sooyoung. I don’t know what I would do without you now.”

Jinsol would never know, but when those words left her mouth, Sooyoung completely fell apart. That was all she said, but her silence screamed much more: between the lines, it was almost a plea for her not to walk away and to stay by her side despite everything, an everything that they knew what. From what she could understand, she needed her and valued her a lot despite the feelings that she couldn’t reciprocate.

Sooyoung promptly wrapped her arms around her and the two of them came together in a loving, perfectly fitting hug.

“You make me happy too” she murmured, resting her head on her shoulder, a little saddened.

“I can't believe I got like this because of a movie, how ridiculous” an embarrassed laugh escaped her lips. “Sorry about that.”

“Shut up. You're never ridiculous to me, Jindori, don't apologize.”

The shortest one squeezed her even tighter.

“Jindori?”

“Don’t like it? I just made it up.”

She laughed again, this time considerably happier.

“I loved it.”

The friends stayed like that for a few minutes, watching the movie glued together. Once it was over, they tuned into the first channel that seemed interesting and stayed there, just enjoying each other's company amidst meaningless topics. Since it wasn't long before Sooyoung had to go home to get ready for the party, they didn't want to get involved in anything more interesting.

Seohyun came back in the evening, reminding them of the time, and the pair went up to the room to pack the things. Jinsol helped her friend and followed her in everything as if they were really tied by an invisible string, and back in the living room, the oldest went towards the guest with a salmon-colored gift bag in her hands, confusing her. She even thought it was for her sister who was in the way, before she started talking:

“It's for you. Come on, open!”

She accepted it happily and removed the tape that held it closed, pulling out a pair of fuzzy house slippers in the same color. Her mouth fell open in surprise.

“It's for you to keep here and wear when you come back. The guest’s ones look huge on you, poor thing” she shook her head.

“How… How did you know my favorite color? And my size?”

“Jinsol told me. I went downtown earlier and bought it.”

“Wow… Thank you so much, both of you. I loved it” Sooyoung thanked, feeling her insides soften at the kindness. She knew they would ask, so she took off her guest slippers and tried on the new ones, which fit perfectly.

“Too bad you're already going, otherwise you could wear them” the youngest Jeong pursed her lips.

“So it is.”

“Ah! One minute” Seohyun hurried to the kitchen, coming back a few seconds later with a small box in her hands. “Take this with you and tell your mother that I wished the new baby girl good health, okay?”

“No problem” the youngest nodded as she put it in her bag, barely making it fit. “I thank you for it in advance.”

She put on her shoes and then said goodbye to the Jeong’s, even though she knew that her best friend would insist on walking her to the gate, where they did it again. She tried her best to record as much of the feeling of that hug as possible. Despite being pretty annoying, it was in moments like that that Jinsol's ability to dissociate made her jealous. Sooyoung was even thoughtful, but not in that way: sometimes she even doubted that she had some kind of aphantasia, which bothered her a lot.

“See you here on monday before school?” Jinsol asked, pulling away from her.

“Of course. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“I'll be waiting!”

Sooyoung walked away, waving with some regret, and finally turned around to go on her way. She didn't live far away, and luckily, her walk took less than ten minutes at a fast pace. The weather had cleared up while they were indoors and the sun was beginning to set, giving the city an increasingly orange and charming tone, and the residential streets were mostly silent and empty, if you ignored the cats she stopped to pet along the way. It was a nice atmosphere.

Getting on the street, it was easy to see where she lived: The Ha residence was considered one of the largest in the neighborhood, with its two floors, large windows, a beautiful front garden and spacious garage. The couple got it as a generous wedding gift and renovated it as soon as they came back to the country two years ago.

The girl hated all the noise from the construction work and the dusty air triggered her allergies. When she finally found herself free from all the chaos, the announcement of the new pregnancy months ago brought it back to the need for a baby's room, and of course, a touch-up of the off-white paint in the living room. Her parents wouldn't let the opportunity slip by.

The bricklayers had already left and fortunately, that had been the last day.

Finally.

“Mom?” Sooyoung called from the doorway. The family didn’t have the habit of taking off their shoes at home, so she didn’t bother.

“In the kitchen!” her own voice echoed from the other room.

She walked over and found her leaning against the marble counter, leafing through a maternity magazine next to her inseparable lemon-flavored water, which she tried to drink at least half a gallon a day in addition to regular water, knowing it was good for the baby. Such care made it seem like she hadn't already given birth almost fifteen years ago, but the fact that it was a high-risk pregnancy due to her age ended up explaining it.

Ha Minji was a role model pregnant: she ate healthily, kept herself slightly active, took vitamins, planned her layette, was still a great biology teacher and managed to find time to take care of herself. Her long, intensely black hair shone, as did her porcelain skin, as hydrated as the rest of her body. She looked very much like her daughter when she was born, except for the girl's glasses and the usual ponytail.

She wore a simple white robe that reached her knees and fuzzy slippers as if she were at a spa.

“Jinsol’s mother asked me to give you this” Sooyoung took the box out of her bag and held it out to her. She was a little curious to know what it was, and hoped that she would open it in front of her.

The woman did it intrigued and with no hesitation, coming across a package of green grapes wrapped in a red ribbon, forming a large bow. It was a beautiful and tasteful gift, since one had to have a certain appreciation for the person to give them fruit.

“How thoughtful… Rich in vitamin C, great for the baby.”

“It’s from who, honey?” Yejun, her husband, walked in the kitchen.

He was a handsome man, just like the ones in the magazines, with a friendly and elegant face, an appealing smile and the typical look of a charming prince. His dark hair was in a pompadour and he was wearing a white dress shirt, black tailored trousers and his inseparable oxford shoes. He looked much younger than he actually was, and judging by his clothes he had probably just come back from his law office or god-knows-where.

“The Jeong’s, Heejin's parents.”

“Puf, more opportunists… It started early this year” he laughed sarcastically as his body leaned against the bench as well.

“The girl is brilliant, but if they bother me like the others, I won't write any letter” she went to put the grapes in the fridge. “The Kim’s, parents of that Hyunjin one who hangs out with her, are more than enough. They think I can work miracles.”

“Tough…” he took a sip from her glass of water. “But what about my mother’s baby shower? What time are we leaving? I’m ready, already.”

“Oh, it could be around seven thirty or even earlier. Sooyoung, go get ready so we can get ahead.”

The girl said nothing, she just nodded quietly and left, heading towards the wide staircase which she climbed towards her room.

The house in general had everything thought out to the millimeter and things like imported decor, auction paintings, furniture made of Jacaranda wood, a piano that only Sooyoung used, an incredible eighteen-inch TV and a sofa that could fit a football team, all very well planned by an architect. Although her room was not far from this parameter, at least it didn't look like a department store:

The room was also very spacious, with the walls covered in delicate floral wallpaper and white furniture. The bed was queen sized and in the middle, with a desk right in front of it and a dresser with a TV and a shelf with many academic books. On the left side was the closet and the bathroom, and on the right was the door that led to the balcony, with a small sofa and a coffee table next to it. A little stiff for a teenage girl, but comfortable.

Sooyoung went to her closet and took out a navy blue dress with three-quarter sleeves and a square neckline. She hated it, but there wasn't one she liked and her parents insisted she wear them to events like that. She took a quick shower, washed her hair and put the dress on with low-heeled shoes of the same color. She didn't have a ponytail this time and her makeup was practically non-existent, limited to a simple strawberry lip balm.

At seven forty, father and daughter were already in the car waiting for Minji, and the typical deafening silence prevailed until Minji herself appeared with the bag she had forgotten. She was wearing a long, casual light green dress that highlighted her already growing belly, and comfortable black flats. She looked pretty and her joy was evident, unlike those who were waiting for her.

“Okay, now we can go” she announced as she settled into the passenger seat and closed the door.

Yejun started the car with no hesitation and Sooyoung slid into the seat: it was going to be a long night.

The way to her grandmother's house was short and uncomplicated, and she spent it with her head lazily resting on the closed window, staring into space. Her discouragement was great, but not as the wish that Jinsol were there at that moment: even in such a crowded world, she managed to be the only one who could make her happy in that way, as if she were about to float. She was special.

Her Jindori.

Sooyoung would call her as soon as she got home, because she missed her. The girl might already be in her room, but she just had to ask someone to see if she was awake (probably yes, listening to the radio, drawing or writing). She couldn’t love her back, which was a death by a thousand cuts, but even though it hurt her, her existence still brightened her days.

When they got there, Yejun was the one who rang the doorbell and her mother answered almost immediately.

Ha Areum was one of those typical widowed, well-off ladies who spent their afternoons gardening, drank tea with honey on the porch, and shared a house with a dog. She wore a dark green dress, almost the same model as her granddaughter's, but longer, and her gray hair was tied up in a bun that highlighted her hoop earrings. Her friendly face lit up when she saw the family, her small eyes almost closing at the width with which she smiled amidst their greetings.

“Come on in, come on! Everyone is already here” she invited.

Everyone took off their shoes and followed her to where the guests were gathered.

Although not so big, the house didn’t hide her financial situation, far from it, but it still managed to maintain a comfortable grandmotherly atmosphere. Despite the china cabinet only for the expensive silverware she collected and the carpet that would easily pay for a popular car, it still seemed like someone who was old enough to prefer sweet bean-flavored desserts lived there.

In the living room, the pink decor took over: the room was filled by banners on the walls, helium balloons that said “It’s a girl!”, lots of bows, gift bags and, of course, a table full of plenty. Areum had done her best to celebrate the arrival of her new granddaughter, insisting that the party be at her house and that the parents only worry about getting there, and apparently she had done it well.

“Look who’s here!” she announced happily, drawing the attention of those present.

And then a crowd quickly formed around the couple, especially Minji, amidst many greetings, comments about the size of her belly and congratulations. Sooyoung felt out of place in that environment, noticing how few people bothered to say anything more than a simple “hi” before going back to bombarding her mother with questions, but she wasn’t in the mood to socialize, so in the end it was actually good.

She looked around a little shyly until a long, friendly face along with dark bob hair, both very specific, also greeted her quickly and surprised her a lot: Park Mirae, her maternal aunt from Canada. Her strange presence there also implied that of her daughter, Park Chaewon. And suddenly, all the discouragement drained from her body as if it had never even existed.

Sooyoung searched her cousin's face expectantly, until she saw her crossing the hallway arch and return to the living room, settling down on the couch completely oblivious to what was happening. Chaewon had long, wavy hair dyed blonde, the kind of thing her school didn't forbid would make the girls in town jealous, heart-shaped lips, a friendly gaze and a lovely look. She wore a baby pink, straight-cut dress with short sleeves, and kept her legs crossed as she twirled a blond lock of hair around her fingers, looking bored.

“Chaewon, come talk to your aunt!” her mother called her attention.

Coming to her senses, the girl hurried towards her relatives and greeted them somewhat awkwardly.

!Sorry, I hadn't noticed you there” she smiled weakly, making Mirae's face blush.

"Congratulations again on the baby!”

“It’s okay, my dear, don’t worry. And thank you!” Minji took it as a joke. “My god, how can you be so tall… You’re becoming such a young lady”

Sooyoung knitted her eyebrows together: Chaewon was a year older than her, and she had been short for as long as they could remember. Go figure.

“She is, isn’t it?” Yejun agreed. “At what grade are you in school?”

“I'm becoming a high school sophomore next semester.”

It took the adults a few seconds to assimilate.

“Oh, yes!” he laughed. “Canadian calendar… I’ve been confused about that a lot.”

“Don’t even tell me, when we came back here we were not used to it, it was a mess.”

“So it is.”

“Sooyoung!” it took a mere second of silence for the topic to be dropped and the blonde one could finally go towards her cousin, hugging her tightly.

The two hadn't seen each other since last christmas, and for those who were once neighbors in the same building and even studied at the same school, always close together, that felt like forever.

“What do you mean you’re here? What’s going on?” Sooyoung asked confused, her happiness overflowing.

“If you don’t like it, I’m leaving!”

“Shut up!” she pushed her playfully. “They won’t take you away from me again.”

“I love you too” Chaewon hugged her again. “But answering your question: your dad and my mom wanted to surprise yours: we’re going to spend a few days at your house. Spring break.”

“No way! Are you serious?” Sooyoung brought her hand to her mouth. “Wait a minute… How long have you been here and I didn’t know?”

“Since last night, only” she shrugged. “All for the surprise.”

“Which wasn't for me, you could’ve run away at night and found me…” her arms crossed as she pouted, teasing her.

“So dramatic…” Chaewon leaned closer to her ear. “Let’s take advantage of the fact that no one is paying attention, grab some food and run away to the garden.”

“So I forgive you.”

The teenagers quickly rushed to grab a plate and fill it with everything they were entitled to. After dinner time, Sooyoung had been on an empty stomach for a while now, just waiting for the party, her cousin most likely too, as both their bellies growled as they slipped out the back door and settled on the steps of the small staircase that led to the backyard, adjusting their dresses.

It was a pleasant environment: the floor was almost entirely made of stones with dark grass in some spots, the bushes and flower pots were vibrantly colored, well cared for and in large quantities, and there was also a birdbath and the air was fresher. The low light coming only from the lights next to the door made it a little difficult to see, but nothing that bothered them too much.

“Wow, your grandma’s such a good cook, you know?” Chaewon muttered before even starting to eat.

Unlike the living room, silence prevailed there, making her voice seem even louder.

“I missed good food” she continued. “My mom doesn't want our side of the family to know yet, but she got a boyfriend and he's already living with us. The guy cooks really badly, and no one ever told him, so now I have to pretend so he can keep thinking he's a chef.”

“Poor thing” Sooyoung bit a piece of meat. “Is he the type who can't make a simple kimchi ?”

“He isn't korean.”

Her brow furrowed.

“Now I get why she doesn't want to tell.”

“They're going to be so hard on her, as if it wasn’t already enough at the time of the divorce” the blonde one laughed nervously. “But what about here? Always the same?”

“Always the same” Sooyoung sighed tiredly, almost in a whisper. “My parents are such a pain, even more so now with Seoyeon… She’s not even here yet and they already want me to be a role model. I feel sorry for that child when it’s her turn.”

“Do they still ground you if you don't get more than 90% and have that thing about twelve hours of study?”

“They do” her face contorted into a grimace. “It's ridiculous, they pressure me and use me as a trophy as if my dad hadn't cheated and my mom forgave it just because of the good image of a perfect family, they think I don't know... But I can get around the study part, when it's independent I say I did it with a friend.”

“The worst thing is that people like that always project it onto their kids, right? I can’t wait for you to get out of that asylum either” Chaewon rolled her eyes. “Now wait a minute: what friend is this that I didn’t know about? You don’t even have any friends. She’s real, right?”

It was hard for Sooyoung to contain the silly smile and the blush that spread across her face at the perfectly accurate question, especially with the weight of her cousin's understanding gaze on her. She always caught on to everything too quickly.

And suddenly, it didn't even seem like she had just vented about a trauma. It's also not like it was a new topic and they weren't already "used to it". It was sad, but unfortunately true.

“My friend, word…” she took a kimbap to her mouth, coincidentally the topic’s favorite food. “Didn’t I mention it over the phone?”

“You know you don't” Chaewon raised an eyebrow, amused. “Sometimes it looks like you forget that I'm a lesbian too… What's her name?”

“But she could really be just a friend… And Jeong Jinsol.”

“After that Jungeun one I doubt it” she laughed. “And that's a pretty girl's name, you know?”

“She is.”

“Is she your girlfriend?’

Sooyoung put the plate on her lap and covered her face with her hands.

“You won’t believe in who she likes…”

“No way!” the shortest almost shouted.

“Was it that easy to guess?” her eyebrows knitted together towards her cousin, who stopped to look at her, also in shock.

“From the way you said it, yes” she pressed her lips together in compassion. “At least she was true.”

“I approached her knowing, actually…”

Chaewon didn't answer.

“I saw her from afar sometimes, and if Jungeun was around, that was where she would look at. But I thought it was just a little crush, I don't know” she continued. “I was naive, I know, but for me it wouldn't take long for her to see who truly understood her and loved her. Jungeun didn't even know she existed until a while ago, before I messed everything up.”

“What did you do?”

“I brought them closer” her eyes closed tightly. “I found myself with no way out, she is my friend…”

“I get it” Chaewon gently caressed her arm. “And look, I don’t want to get your hopes up, but maybe she’ll actually come to terms with it. From the way you told me back then about Jungeun, if she hasn’t changed… Because knowing her just by sight is one thing.”

“I'm trying not to get attached to this, I could get hurt and they seem to be getting along well. It was even quick, much faster than I thought, and Jinsol is quite shy, actually.”

“How weird” she tapped her chopsticks on the plate, her expression seeming intrigued. “But changing the topic: does she know that you like her?”

“Let's not get into that” Sooyoung ate another kimbap quickly, purposefully keeping her cheeks busy.

“Okay, then. If you prefer it that way.”

She nodded quickly.

“Uh-huh.”

Later that same night, both families went to the Ha residence together. The entire process of unloading the suitcases and large amounts of gifts from the car took considerable time and a lot of teamwork, with the exception of Minji, who went straight to the couch to rest her legs. Her back and knees ached from the weight of her belly and her feet were swelling more and more, but it would be worth it.

Mirae would sleep in the guest’s room for those days, while Chaewon would stay with her cousin.

Downstairs, the adults spent a few more good hours chatting and drinking (again, with the exception of Minji) while upstairs, the teenagers also found themselves idle and completely sleepless: they took magazine quizzes, gossiped about acquaintances and painted each other's toenails while Chaewon told more stories about her new girlfriend, some girl named Hyeju, this time being able to show her face through a picture she had brought.

Sooyoung would never admit it for the sake of common sense, but she felt a pang of jealousy for the reciprocity her cousin lived, since everything seemed so easy for her. But she also knew how to be happy for her: at least someone had it.

“Okay, I'm done” Chaewon said.

Sooyoung stared at her own nails, perfectly painted in a shimmery baby pink, the only nail polish her cousin had brought. She was pretty good at it, she didn't even need to clean the residue around it.

“I loved it. A lot” she praised. “If I were you, I would leave the drama club and quit the flower shop to become a manicurist after school, that's what.”

“And leave my tulips and the sweet lady who gives me free cookies? Never!” she closed the package and put her feet on the floor cautiously, making a move to get up. “Speaking of sweet and treats, let's go to the kitchen and see if there's any?”

“My parents don’t buy these things, did you forget? Only if we went to the convenience store.”

The blonde one didn't answer, she just looked at her with a weak smile, that typical weak smile she knew well.

“We're already in our pajamas, Chaewon” the tallest one frowned.

“Just change it, no one will even notice we left” she shrugged.

She didn't need much more than that to convince her, with how much she missed that girl and her spontaneity.

They quickly changed into the first outfit they found in the closet and slipped out without even turning on the lights, and returned even more silently minutes later. The laughter was barely contained and the steps were as light as possible as they climbed the stairs back to the room, on which the owner of the idea almost slipped comically.

Everything is twice as funny when you can't laugh.

The girls burst into frantic laughter as they threw themselves back on the bed, sprawled out: the acoustics in the house were good, so they could make almost as much noise as they wanted without worrying. And in the end, the simple “sweet treat” they had gone after ended up becoming almost a picnic that they ate while watching some random TV show. It didn’t take long for it to become just a backdrop to the endless conversations.

***

Having come to bed incredibly late, Sooyoung's eyes thought about opening only after ten thirty, and obviously her second thought was that she wanted to call Jinsol, but ended up completely forgetting. She was lucky that she had promised to do it only that day, anyway, and that would be her top priority.

Even with Chaewon there, she still thought about Jinsol often whenever she saw the opportunity. Nothing would be able to replace your presence.

Chaewon woke up to the movement in the room as she went to take a shower and brush her teeth. She wore a single curler in the front strands of her hair and a pair of Hello Kitty pajamas that she had gotten for christmas from her uncles, and she didn't even have time to get ready before Yejun knocked on the door to tell them that they were all going out for lunch. It turned out that breakfast for both of them was a generous portion of barbecue from a well-known restaurant downtown.

They liked the place because they had unlimited soda and complimentary ice cream for dessert. For the oldests, only the food pleased: because it was a popular place, it tended to get crowded on weekends and made it hard to talk amidst the loud hum and even to simply get a table. They seemed to regret it as soon as they set foot in the establishment, but it was too late. In the end, they were already there and that's where they ended up staying.

“Next time we'll eat ramyeon” Yejun suggested as everyone sat down. “The place is quieter there.”

“Ah, but it's worth the experience” Mirae disagreed in the midst of her typical carefree good humor. “I wanted to catch up, I like it here.”

“Of course you do, you just caught the good times!”

“Still looks good.”

“There they go” Chaewon whispered to her cousin.

“It’s even a bit nostalgic.”

“So, shall we order?” Minji changed the topic.

“Calm down, honey, I haven’t even looked at the menu yet.”

The cousins laughed discreetly when they saw the woman roll her eyes.

Soon the order was placed and as the side dishes arrived and the meats grilled, the meal kept going peacefully, with playful jabs between the brothers-in-law and endless laughter. It seemed as if there were two different bubbles at the same table, one of the adults and one of the kids, who, even though they were certain that they wouldn’t be heard, insisted on controlling what was said just to be sure. Over the years, they practically created their own language simply by giving new meaning to words.

Unlike family events where they didn't have each other, at this one time seemed to fly by at the speed of light.

“Mom, dad, can I go back home with Chaewon later?” Sooyoung dared to ask at the end of the meal. She knew that the fact that her cousin and aunt were there would make her parents more generous and take some of the focus off of her, so she needed to use it to her advantage.

“Okay” her father agreed, taking two five thousand won notes out of his wallet and handing them to the girls. “Here, for the bus.”

They looked at each other for a millisecond and accepted even more quickly, thanking them with a wide smile. The price of the ticket was less than a third of that.

“We can eat some churros at the stand nearby” Sooyoung whispered to her cousin.

“And there will still be some left over.”

“Remember to be back in time for dinner” Minji demanded, getting nods in response.

And not long after, the family started to move to pay the bill and leave while the youngests went after their free ice cream. The courtesy was a scoop, and Sooyoung took a strawberry one while Chaewon had a hard time choosing the gum one, and they followed their parents to the parking lot in order to say goodbye before dispersing.

The downtown was less crowded than last time, allowing the girls to wander aimlessly, going in and out of stores without worrying about bumping into anyone or missing each other. The conversations were practically endless, so their voices didn't rest for a second without even worrying about the ice cream melting or if someone they knew could hear them gossip while gesticulating excitedly.

Such moments were missed.

They threw the empty cups in the nearest trash can and headed towards the churros place.

The person in charge was an incredibly friendly, short old lady, with her white hair tied up in a bun and her eyes small due to her ever-present wide smile. The entire street was lined with various food stalls, one next to the other, but the competition didn't seem to scare her, given how full hers was always. As it was sunday, the pair had to face a considerable line, but their good mood didn't allow this to be a problem.

“Ah, it’s you!” she exclaimed happily before the customers even greeted her.

“Hi, auntie!” Sooyoung returned the excitement. It was surprising how the lady could remember so many faces even under those circumstances.

“Your little buddy came by here a little while ago, did you know? I even asked about you.”

“Jinsol?” her eyebrows knitted together.

“I think so, a tall girl like you, with long hair. She and another one with shorter hair.”

And as if by telepathy, Sooyoung and Chaewon exchanged a knowing look. The tallest cleared her throat.

“Oh yes…”

“Two churros, then? For you and the new friend?” the oldest tried to confirm, already moving to prepare the order and speed things up.

“Takeout, please” Chaewon asked.

Handing over the paper bag, still warm and giving off a strong aroma of sugar and cinnamon, they thanked her and said goodbye, already moving to keep the line moving. Since they were still full, Chaewon cautiously put them in her bag for later while they continued their walk.

It was hard not to notice Sooyoung's sudden quietness. The girl was considered hard to decipher by those who didn't know her well, since her communication was sometimes restricted to different types of silence, which, luckily for her, her cousin was fluent in.

She was slightly startled when she felt her arm being lovingly wrapped around hers.

“Don’t think about that too much” she tried to console. “Come, I know what will cheer you up.”

And with no chance to think, the shortest pulled her around the corner, the two of them taking long strides towards a place they hadn't been to in a long time, since Chaewon's last visit. Sooyoung's lips stretched involuntarily as soon as she laid eyes on the bright storefront: karaoke.

The pair walked into the establishment and wasted no time in buying some tokens and booking a room. Being a small town, the place was not the biggest or the most “fancy”: the private rooms were hot, cramped and lacked soundproofing, but it still had a lively aura with the flashing, multicolored lights moving around the partially dark room.

Chaewon's choices always tended towards a more upbeat pop style, in which she sang while jumping for joy and mostly in pairs. Sooyoung, on the other hand, chose to turn the moment into a therapy session with something slower: ‘Dreamlover’, by Mariah Carey. Since she studied music, her voice was pleasant and perfectly in tune, and the blonde one was no exception. It was something she liked, so much so that she even felt a little lighter.

But minutes later, her restlessness was evident.

“Hey, shall we go home after this?” she suggested.

“Okay” Chaewon agreed, still distant, focused on the catalog on TV before stopping to look at her cousin suspiciously. “Do you still have that on your mind?”

“I promised I would call her today.”

She just nodded in agreement, and then they sang one more song before heading to the bus stop.

The heat they faced there wasn’t the best ally for where they were, especially considering the fact that the vehicle took about ten minutes to arrive. The good mood of them vanished like a melted popsicle.

“Are you guys going there this summer?” Chaewon asked as soon as they sat down on the bench. Her hair was sticking to her forehead.

“I don’t know. Probably yes” Sooyoung pushed her bangs to the side. “And I really hope so, god forbid to put up with this heat without at least going to the beach. If it’s already like this in March…”

“I was going to say that.”

“But I'll miss Jinsol” her lips pressed together.

“Dang, Sooyoung.”

***

At home, Sooyoung greeted her parents and aunt in the living room quickly and even skipped a few steps as she climbed the stairs towards her room. Her gait was hurried, as were her fingers, which dialed the perfectly decorated number with a certain urgency on the cherry red telephone.

She played with the curly cord of the device, watching her world literally turn upside down by the way she lay in bed. And she called once, twice, three times, and on the fourth time her heart was already showing signs of jumping out of her chest and she felt dizzy, probably because of the blood rushing to her brain.

The girl stood up and dialed it again, more times than she thought was needed, and each time it went to voicemail. She put the phone back on the hook without much care and threw herself on the bed, annoyed. Jinsol had most likely been all smiles with her Kim Jungeun up until that moment, while Sooyoung ran home longing only for her voice. She felt more pathetic than ever.

And as if that wasn't enough, this went on until night, when her father was the one who answered, somewhat impatiently, saying he didn't know where his daughter was. That was the last straw for her to stop trying.

***

The next morning, Sooyoung took the same route as always, just because of muscle memory and because she had promised to do so. The truth is that, to her surprise, she had no desire to meet her friend at all, even though she missed her. She wanted to go to school alone and have the peace of mind of not hearing stories about dates that weren’t with her.

“Hi, auntie. Good morning” she greeted Jinsol’s mother, who answered the gate.

“Good morning, dear, come in! Jinsol will be down soon.”

Sooyoung readily nodded and walked into the house, exchanging her moccasins for the slippers she had received and settling down on the couch with no hesitation. She was already home.

“Have you eaten?” the oldest woman wanted to know. “There are those rice balls that you like.”

“I did, actually, but I can’t resist yours.”

Seohyun quickly separated a good amount for the youngest and took it to the room where she was, before she even stood up.

“When you’re done, put it in the sink and I’ll wash it” she placed the plate on the coffee table. “I’m going to do the laundry.”

“There’s no need, let me…”

“No, no. Don't even finish that sentence!” her arms crossed playfully, making Sooyoung laugh. “If Jinsol is too late you can yell at her, if anything happens I'm in the laundry area.”

“Thank you, auntie.”

The oldest nodded and turned around, leaving her alone in the room with her little cakes. The ones she made weren't big, and she had time to eat four before Jinsol came down the stairs with a smile bigger than herself.

“Did I take long?” she asked, sitting down next to her and taking one of the appetizers.

“Just a little” Sooyoung stood up. “You can have the last one, your mother told you to wash the plate later.”

She went to change her shoes again and waited for her friend on the doorstep.

Once they were both ready, they shouted to let Seohyun know that they were leaving and went on their way. Sooyoung never minded the fact that Jinsol jumped over the scratches on the sidewalk, it was even cute, but on that day it was really annoying.

At least it kept her quiet.

“Hey, Sooyoung, you won't believe what happened!”

I celebrated too soon.

“My dad is totally losing it” she continued, barely able to contain the laughter. “Someone scratched his car.”

“I can’t even imagine who it was…”

“Yes! And for me!” her hand went to her chest. “She did it for me!”

“I don't think vandalism is such a sacrifice for her” a sarcastic laugh escaped her lips.

“You don't get it, but that's okay. I'm happy and that's what matters.”

“Sure. Hopefully next time she throws eggs at your window, then you can get married.”

Jinsol snorted.

“Forget it. Let it go.”

Oh sure, much better.

The rest of the walk was completely silent, the conversations being only extraneous and coming from other students who were there. They even saw Jungeun on the way, who exchanged distant glances with her new girlfriend (or supposed girlfriend, whatever. Something they were) the simple gesture was enough for Jinsol to spend the class writing her initials in a pink gel pen all over the notebook paper amidst thousands of hearts. It made Sooyoung want to throw out, but she still couldn't take her eyes off her friend.

As soon as the lunch bell rang ages later, she grabbed her lunchbox and prepared to head to her new favorite spot, when she felt someone touch her arm.

“Wait for me, I'm going there too” Jinsol stood beside her.

“I thought you wanted to be with Jungeun.”

“We don't want to hang out at school for now” she explained close to her ear. “Everything here turns into gossip when it's with her, she knows I don't like it.”

“Okay. Let's go, then.”

They walked down the stairs in silence and crossed the garden to the beloved cherry blossom, where they sat side by side, leaning against the trunk as they always did. No matter what was going on, the scene was always the same. In a way, it was kind of comforting.

“My mom told me to bring you dessert too” the shortest pointed to one of the compartments in the lunch box, with two small pieces of cake. “It's lemon, she made it yesterday.”

“I love your mom” Sooyoung smiled widely. “Thank her for me.”

“She talks a lot about you, it even seems like she likes you more than me” her lips formed a playful pout.

“Get used to it, I'll steal your place soon.”

“You dork” Jinsol pushed her lightly, taking it as a joke. “Oh, I almost forgot: I have something to invite you to.”

“What?”

She hesitated a little.

“Do you want to go out with me and Jungeun this weekend? I know you’re not a fan of hers, but I think it would be fun… We can go wherever you want.”

Sooyoung's eyebrows knitted together.

“Why now? You sent me away from the arcade because you wanted to be alone with her.”

“I know…” Jinsol pursed her lips. “It was her idea, actually, but I liked it. I’ll be able to spend time with both of you. I miss you sometimes.”

The tallest rolled her eyes. She didn’t know what Jungeun was up to, and she didn’t have the energy to try to guess either, she was tired. However, despite everything, her mouth was still physically incapable of saying no to her Jindori. Regardless of how annoying she was being, she was still her Jindori at that moment and maybe for the rest of her life, even if she never wanted her back.

Her feeling was that that love would haunt her forever.

“Okay, tell her I'm going” she agreed without looking at her. “But there's one thing.”

“What?”

“My cousin is in town and I wanted to take her to some places, because she hasn’t been here in a while. Can she come too? Then I’ll introduce you, she’s our age and I think you two would get along.”

“She’s so welcome too! Jungeun won’t mind.”

Jinsol hugged her sideways excitedly and they stayed like that for the rest of the time, eating leisurely and staring into space. Sooyoung didn't dare to stop. Jinsol's faint vanilla scent and the feeling of her soft hair falling on her shoulder reminded her of simpler times before that stupid arcade.

She absolutely hated arcades.

At the end of the day, Sooyoung walked Jinsol home as always and took the opportunity to stay for a while. Jaewoo hadn't come back from work yet, which made the atmosphere considerably lighter. From what she heard, the man wasn’t playing around because of the car, which was fun for the youngest, who knew everything and almost melted at that.

No matter how hard she tried, Sooyoung couldn't understand why.

Seohyun was in the kitchen finishing dinner while Heejin studied in a bedroom and the youngests killed time in the other, sprawled on the carpet listening to some random CD. The light was off, giving them a sense of time with the recent darkness, and the coffee table had been moved so they had more legroom, the bags were thrown away, and the fan was on, and Jungeunie was also there.

“At what time is your piano lesson?” Jinsol asked with her head resting on the plushie.

Sooyoung leaned over to check the clock on the bedside table.

“In about two hours."

“Oh, sure.”

Silence.

“Where do you want to go on saturday? I just remembered that it’s the city’s founding day and we could go! If you don’t like it, we can just go eat tteokbokki somewhere else, and then… I don’t know, there’s not much to do here” she laughed. “What do you think?”

“It doesn't matter to me, that could be it” she shrugged. “Chaewon probably doesn't mind either.”

“Is Chaewon your cousin?”

“That’s it. My cousin” Sooyoung adjusted her glasses. “I forgot I hadn’t told you her name.”

“Is she from Toronto too?”

“Uh-huh. We were apartment neighbors when we were kids, we practically lived together. I miss it.”

“Practically sisters, so you grew up together” Jinsol lay on her back, supporting herself on her elbows, paying attention to the other who was sitting on her haunches. “You seem to like her a lot.”

“A lot” Sooyoung shook her head, finally looking at her. “I think you will too.”

“Oh, I get embarrassed with these things” her eyes closed tightly amidst a disconcerted laugh. “Meeting people and such, but I trust you. It'll be fun.”

Nothing was pointed out, but it was clear how Jinsol seemed more confident compared to less than two weeks ago. It wasn't a big deal, but the difference was there for anyone to see and didn't need to know her that well. Sooyoung knew that watching everything and everyone was her thing, but she still wondered if she was the only one who noticed.

The shortest stared at her without saying anything, smiling weakly amidst a look of someone who seemed to have no idea of the feelings she was provoking, especially at that moment, at least not the intensity. The girl her attention was focused on was struggling like never before to control the frequent urge to kiss her, even though she was still a little mad. It was hard not to feel it.

Most likely the idea would never make it to the physical plane, she thought, but it was also hard to avoid.

“Yes, it’ll be” she cleared her throat. “It will.”

Jinsol lay down again.

“You know, you’re lucky: I wish I had a nice sister like that…”

“Why do you hate Heejin like this?” the mood became considerably heavier. “You’re always talking smack about her and she's always so nice and loves you, from what I've seen. I really can't understand.”

“I don’t hate her, but you don’t know what it’s like to be overshadowed your whole life by someone who acts like she runs the world. She steals all the attention, all the praise and is made a role model of everything! She’s the only one who gets the expectations, and on the rare occasions when my parents remember to ask about my grades or anything else, she finds a way to make it about her again, it’s always been like that. It’s a good thing she’s leaving for college soon, I’m counting the days. She’s such a drag.”

Her face was reddish after the outburst as she caught her breath as if a weight of years had been lifted off her shoulders. However, Sooyoung, who listened attentively, wasn’t much different.

“And you never stopped to think about her side?”

“Is there one?”

Her eyes widened.

“Have you really never stopped to think about how hard all this pressure must be for her? How she must feel with the whole world on her shoulders and still have the responsibility of being a role model so that her parents don’t hate her? I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard my mom praise her, and she’s right! She’s brilliant, and I can’t imagine what her head must be like because of that.”

“Then why doesn’t she share it?” she replied. “It would be better for her.”

“Because she’s protecting you, Jinsol, because she wants you to have peace. My sister’s yet to be born and I’ve already got one foot in high school. I hate knowing that when she grows up, I won’t be here to help ease things for her anymore, because I don’t want her to go through what I went. Better me than her. I understand your side, being overshadowed sucks and things should be different, but don’t blame your sister for that, I always see her taking care of you. Tell Jungeun to break your father’s car windows or whatever, but don’t blame your sister.

Jinsol opened and closed her mouth several times before choosing to remain silent with an indecipherable face. Tired, Sooyoung jumped up and put her bag on her shoulder.

“I'm going now, I need to have dinner and get ready for the lesson.”

She didn't even wait for an answer before leaving and crossing the hallway in a hurry: if there was one thing she hated, it was talking about such a topic, especially with someone who couldn't understand.

As she had drunk a lot of tea, she felt the need to go to the bathroom first, where she ended up bumping into Heejin who had just come out.

“Are you leaving already?” she asked with a gentle smile.

She was wearing a fresh, simple, home dress in hot pink and practically sleeveless, and her hair was partially tied up.

“I have piano lessons” she explained. “Can you excuse me? I need to use the bathroom, I'm in a bit of a hurry.”

“Oh, yes, sure” Heejin opened the door behind her a little wider, without taking her eyes off the youngest. Her expression seemed a little enigmatic. “You know, I prefer you to the other girl” she said, simply.

Sooyoung didn't answer, she just stopped and stared back at her in confusion, without a chance to ask before she walked away. Without much choice, she finally walked into the bathroom and came face to face with a teenager who looked exactly like her, at the moment with messy bangs, crooked glasses, red cheeks and a completely lost expression in the mirror. Only then did she notice the way her heart was beating fast, as if it was keeping up with the rhythm of her reasoning that was doing its best.

She stormed out of the room and marched towards a door she had never knocked on before. Heejin seemed to already know who it was and even expected it, and she quickly made way for her to come in.

“What did you mean by that?” Sooyoung asked, breathing heavily, not bothering to beat around the bush and already suspecting the answer.

“I know about her and Jungeun. Everything.”

Her eyes widened.

“Since when?”

“Since always” the oldest shrugged, sitting on the bed. “Jinsol hides her diary in the same place I started hiding mine after she snooped, but there was nothing much in mine and I snooped hers back when I found out. I didn't think it would last so long at the time, I'm even a little shocked, but it's Jinsol, right?”

Sooyoung opened and closed her mouth several times, thinking of a thousand questions and none at the same time. In her head, it couldn't be possible that this was happening.

It turned out that in the end, one prevailed:

“You’re not going to tell, are you?” she murmured worriedly. That was far from being her business, but it seemed like it was.

It was her Jindori, after all. She needed to know.

“I'm literally dating Jungeun's cousin” she laughed. “That's the last thing you have to worry about. Relax.”

“Wait, you mean Hyunjin?”

Heejin nodded, giving space for an awkward silence to form between the two. It was a lot to think about, but at the same time, it had always been there. Deep down, you could say that Sooyoung already suspected it.

She swallowed hard.

“But I still don’t understand why you said that…” she sat down next to her.

“I don’t think I know for sure, I’m not one to give in to impulses” Heejin sighed. “I just wanted to make it clear that if you’re going to make a move, you have my full support. I like you.”

Such a sentence made Sooyoung's heart break a little.

“Thanks” she murmured, looking away.

Her focus at the moment was anything but the oldest's face, since looking at her would be too much for her at that moment.

Instead, she allowed herself to be surprised internally by her room: the furniture was the same as Jinsol's, but unlike what she thought, the decor wasn’t stiff and meticulously organized as the girl seemed to be. Her desk was even a little messy, with some open books and loose papers with notes, and on the dresser it was possible to see a jumble of makeup, some nail polishes, a box of chocolates that she used to store letters and a photo frame with a picture of her and Hyunjin on a picnic.

Heejin should hide it whenever she isn't there.

“I haven't had time to tidy it up yet, please don't mind” she explained.

“It’s okay, I’m like that too.”

Lie.

“Well… I really need to go now” the youngest stood up, adjusting her uniform. “Piano lessons.”

“That’s okay.”

She greeted her without much enthusiasm and finally crossed the hall, forgetting that she even needed to go to the bathroom.

Saying goodbye to the rest of the family and stepping out the gate, she ran like never before as she broke down in silent sobs, her tears quickly dried by the cold evening air. As hard as it was, exercising calmed her down at times like that and also helped to get out what she couldn't at home.

She took off her glasses, which at the moment could do nothing to help her blurred vision, and made the rest of the way without seeing or even knowing the exact reason why her heart was heavy. Probably a mix of everything: the outburst, the hurt and also Heejin's support. It was painful to get the approval and even the explicit support of one of the people who cared for, loved and knew Jinsol the most and not she herself, who really mattered and whom she hugged every day knowing she couldn't have.

Before Sooyoung could still hold on to the fact that she didn't know about her feelings and think that this made things harder, but now that everything fell apart, in her head, nothing could make Jinsol look at her with the same eyes. There was no more room for hope, only disappointment.

And in the middle of a completely empty street, she made the most of the opportunity and screamed like she would into a pillow.

***

“I'm home” Sooyoung announced as she opened the front door. Her expression wasn't the best, but it didn't look like she had been crying either.

“They left with my mom” Chaewon replied.

The room was partially dark and the blonde one was on the couch watching a random game TV show with a strawberry milk carton in her hands. She was wearing a light salmon-colored shirt with a small penguin printed on the front and white shorts.

“Where did they go?” Sooyoung wanted to know, sitting down next to her.

“I don’t even remember! Those people are such a mess!” Chaewon laughed and took a sip of her drink. “But they left us money so we could order some food. Oh, and your piano teacher called and canceled the lesson. She said she was sick, but seemed fine on the phone.”

“Thanks for telling me.”

“Do you want to order a sweet potato pizza?”

“Could it be” she nodded. “So, tell me you’re free on saturday… Jinsol asked me to go out with her and Jungeun and I dragged you into this.”

“Where are we going?”

“Founding day. There'll be games, stalls… That kind of stuff.”

“Sounds fun. And that’s what made you look like that?” Chaewon’s tone softened.

Sooyoung didn't answer, she just grabbed the first pillow she found and settled on it on her lap. The older girl's hand went to her head automatically, stroking her tied hair lightly.

“I wish I were you right now” it took a while for her to say in a saddened murmur. “You don't look like someone who would go through that.”

“I went with Hyeju.”

Silence.

“She was still dating when I started to like her. It happens.”

“Chaewon… You…”

“No! No” she laughed. “We only started talking when she broke up. The girl was a drag too, as if.”

“You didn't tell me about that” Sooyoung settled it better.

“Yeah… I don’t like to dwell on the past. That’s why I didn’t judge you when you told me that, it wasn’t just because I love you. It was hard at first, but it was okay, just like it will be for you. Whether you two stay together or not, it will pass.”

The youngest sat down again, feeling comforted. However, something still bothered her.

“What if I don’t want it to go away?” her lips pressed together, forming a line. “I would like to, it would be easier, but what if I’m not ready to stop loving her like this yet? What if I never am?”

“Give it time. Whatever has to happen will happen naturally.”

“And what do I do in the meantime?”

“What do you want to do?”

And that night, after many slices of pizza, superfluous conversations in an attempt by Chaewon to distract her, pages and pages of homework and a good shower, Sooyoung laid her head on another pillow and cried for hours on end as if to quench her own thirst, as if the world had run out of water.

Such an act wouldn’t solve anything, but what if there really was no solution? It's like Chaewon said, "give it time," and the best thing she could do at that moment was to let the tears flow uncensored.

She, who used to always know everything or at least have an idea of what to do, found herself completely adrift for the first time in her life.

The rest of the week passed by unnoticed for Sooyoung, her memories becoming a big blur due to the way she took everything on automatic: she picked Jinsol up at home, answered her monosyllabically, spent about eight hours sleeping awake pretending to pay attention in class, went to her activities and studied without reading. Even if subconsciously, the distance between the two was increasingly noticeable.

She could even say that the way things were going was painful, if only she could feel something. It was naive of her to think that she could deal with it, even badly, and the strategy she adopted was to numb herself so that it seemed like nothing was happening. In her head, everything was normal, as long as she ignored it enough.

She didn't even know if her condition was as well masked as she thought, especially from Jinsol, because if she noticed something was off, it didn't go through her eyes either.

These were hard times.

When friday came, just as dull, it brought with it the confirmations:

“Are we good for tomorrow?” Jinsol wanted to know. Her tone was filled with a certain hesitation that made it seem like she was afraid of the answer.

The two of them walked home together as always, out of sheer force of habit and without saying a single word. The empty street made the sound of their footsteps the only thing that kept the silence from taking over. That and a few birds that chirped every now and then, but otherwise, only the awkwardness remained.

“Uh-huh” Sooyoung replied without looking at her.

She made a move to say goodbye as soon as they got in front of the gate of her house, which the shortest promptly dodged, making her confused.

“Uh… Can I talk to you?” she murmured, staring at the hem of her skirt that she was playing with.

Without an answer, she continued:

“I wanted to apologize for what I said on monday. I know it’s not you I owe it to, but I wanted you to know that I understand your point and I’m sorry you go through this. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad, really. I just wanted to vent.”

“I also just wanted to vent, it's okay. Does good.”

“Sure?” she looked up.

“Sure.”

Jinsol shook her head, not looking so convinced, but soon smiled and hugged her friend, who returned it without much enthusiasm. That was the least of the reasons for her quietness, oddly enough.

“Tomorrow will be so much fun, trust me!”

“So, at five?” they separated.

“Yes, yes. Right at the front.”

“Confirmed then” Sooyoung adjusted her bag on her shoulder and made to leave. “Bye, Jinsol. See you tomorrow.”

“See you!” she heard her say goodbye happily as she walked away.

That afternoon, Sooyoung never knew if her Jindori waited for her body to disappear before coming in or if she simply left her there. She didn't look back to find out.

***

Twenty-four hours later, in Sooyoung's room, the atmosphere was frantic and chaos took over: at first everything seemed fine, but coming into the small closet, there was piles and piles of clothes thrown on the floor, almost forming a mountain, and the tendency was only to get worse as she kept her search for something to wear.

She had never been that kind of girl, her style was comfortable and uncomplicated so there wasn't much room for doubt, but that day nothing seemed to suit her and she didn't even know why. Nothing worked.

“Chaewon!” she called. “Come here!”

The girl, already ready, came in almost immediately. She was wearing a bubblegum pink ruffled shirt, a denim skirt and white sandals with almost no heels. Her blonde hair was wavier, with a clip on each side, and light makeup highlighted her eyes and cheeks.

“Oh my, what happened here?” her eyes widened when she saw the scene. “A hurricane passed by, didn’t it?”

“Do you remember when we were kids and you liked to play makeovers, but I never let you use me as a guinea pig?”

“Yes, I do.”

“I think the day has come” her gaze wavered. “Nothing looks good on me.”

“Out of nowhere? But you’ve always worn those clothes.”

“So it is.”

Chaewon looked around and walked towards her cousin, whose arms were crossed and the expression bewildered.

“Is red still your favorite color?”

She nodded.

Chaewon picked up a simple t-shirt of that color from the pile, along with a pair of mom jeans that she had seen her wearing before and handed it over to her.

“You don’t want a makeover, you’re just insecure. Just… Be yourself. Have you tried that?’

Sooyoung looked at her a little hesitantly, but with the encouragement she started to get dressed in front of the full-length mirror. And those were her clothes, followed by a black high-top Converse and a slightly reddish lipstick.

Watching her own reflection, it was a satisfying sight: it was simple pieces, but whose combination for some reason hadn’t crossed her irritable mind and been lost amidst all that mess of attempts. It was something that said “Ha Sooyoung” and more importantly: it made her feel beautiful.

“It liked it” she said. “I think I'm just stressed. I even hated the poor omelet I ate this morning, and I was the one who made it!”

“I thought so.”

“Why did I accept this, anyway, seeing them together? Am I insane, by any chance?”

“Hey, relax!” the shortest put her hands on her shoulders. “If it’s a pain, give me a sign and I’ll pretend to twist my ankle and end it all right away! But then you’ll have to carry me.”

Sooyoung laughed unwillingly.

“I don’t doubt it.’

“But I’m serious.”

“I know, I know you” she turned back to the mirror and brought her hand to her head, pulling the elastic that held her locks and finally releasing them. “Let's get on with it, then? I think it's almost time.”

“It’s better so. By the way: you’re totally fly like this.”

“You too” she smiled.

“It’s the Ha-Park genetics” they bumped shoulders. “No one can beat us.”

***

Since it was already late, the teenagers decided to leave the room as it was and just worry about getting out soon. Since they were alone in the house, luckily they didn't have to listen to Sooyoung's father's already memorized monologue about being responsible, staying away from boys, paying attention to the schedule, etc, etc, etc, before coming out.

The weather was pleasant and the view was beautiful, with the sun getting ready to set, lighting up as much of the area as possible before the streetlights came on. The event was to be held in a park near downtown, large enough to fit a not-too-tall Ferris wheel and a few other rides, as well as other attractions and places to eat. Just by looking at the entrance, it was easy to imagine how crowded it was, judging by the amount of parked cars and families walking on the sidewalk. And it wasn't even dark yet.

They watched everything curiously through the window of the bus, which passed right in front of it and stopped at a stop shortly after. The unnecessary walk was a pain, but it was still better than hitching a ride with Yejun.

“I’ve never been to a founding day event, can you believe it?” Sooyoung said.

“Why not?”

“It's boring alone” she shrugged.

At the still empty meeting point, a slight nervousness filled her being as she searched for a specific silhouette among so many others. This feeling was far from new, but on that day it was along with a certain fear: her expectations for that hang out were more than low, and she feared being hurt even more by the sight of the, perhaps, new couple together, even though obviously the two wouldn’t kiss there.

She didn't even know if they were actually together, but if they even held hands, it would give her nightmares for a week. Spending hours with Jungeun wasn't exactly an experience she was a fan of either.

“I forgot to ask you what they’re like” Chaewon wanted to know.

“Jinsol has long, brown hair, is tall like me and really pretty. Jungeun will be by her side.”

“Those over there, then?” she raised her eyebrows towards the pair.

As expected, they walked side by side towards her with a confident look. Sooyoung could throw out if she admitted it, but Jinsol seemed to shine beside her: with that carefree expression, flowing hair and newfound sparkle in her eyes, it was as if the insecure girl who used to be her best friend no longer existed.

Her stomach churned.

Her hair, swept back, showed off her beautiful face, held back by a navy blue headband that matched the slightly short t-shirt she was wearing, followed by comfortable high-waisted denim shorts and white Converse. Jungeun, on the other hand, showed off her appearance in a leather jacket in full early april, jeans just like Sooyoung's, and combat boots.

“You really said that this Jungeun has a troublesome face” Chaewon whispered.

“Hide your gaze.”

“Sooyoung!” Jinsol was happy as she greeted her friend with a tight hug. It seemed like they hadn’t seen each other for days.

“Hi, Sooyoung” Jungeun smiled cordially.

“Hi” she laughed nervously. “Uh… Jinsol, this is my cousin I told you about: Park Chaewon. She’s a year older than us. Chaewon, these are Jeong Jinsol and Kim Jungeun.”

“Nice to meet you” they said in unison.

“Did you have to wait long? The bus took forever to pass” Jinsol pressed her lips together.

“That’s truth.”

“Not really, don’t worry” Chaewon touched her arm. “But hey, are you the famous Jinsol? I’ve heard a lot about you.”

The girl's cheeks flushed fiercely.

“I hope it’s good things!” she laughed in surprise.

“Of course, it was Sooyoung who said it! Of course it was good.”

“Really?” her smile grew wider.

“Oh, you don’t know my cousin…”

“Guys, shall we go?” she herself quickly changed the topic, hoping the others wouldn’t notice her sudden shyness. “The lines must be huge by now. We can talk on the way.”

And luckily for her, they all agreed and soon began to make their way to the entrance. It wasn't hard to know that Chaewon would make fun of her for this later, and she was already mentally preparing to put up with it.

Coming into the space, it was like being at a kind of meeting of local schools, considering the overwhelming number of teenagers there. Events like that were usually attended by students, young couples and families with children, and older adults took advantage of the opportunity to grow their own businesses. So, there were no parents bothering them, since most of them were fleeing that “mess” and those who did go were working.

Lively music echoed from the speakers along with the children’s laughter and shouts of excitement. The mayor announced the attractions and the many sponsors into a microphone, celebrating the success of the first day while half a dozen brown-nosers applauded. It was a pleasant, festive atmosphere.

“So, do you guys want to have some bubble tea?” Jungeun asked. Sooyoung made sure to always check if her hand was far enough away from Jinsol’s. “My aunt has the stall here and said we can have it for free.”

“Oh my god, yes!” Jinsol cheered.

“Oh, I’ll take it too! This walk made me thirsty.”

“Sooyoung?” Jungeun turned to her, who gave nothing but a simple nod.

The counter was empty until someone made a move to say something, which was when a girl who looked like a high schooler hurriedly took over. She had long black hair, somewhat “feline” facial features, so to speak, and a laid-back air. Although Sooyoung hadn’t seen her in person for a while, it was impossible not to recognize Kim Hyunjin, since her appearance doesn’t usually change much as she grows up.

“Good afternoon” she greeted, finding god-knows-what funny. “What would you like?”

“What's the menu?” Jungeun tilted her head, smiling at the corner of her mouth.

“You know, Jungeun.”

She laughed.

“I'm going to tell my aunt that you haven't memorized it yet” the youngest took the small menu and her cousin rolled her eyes.

“Why don’t you take a hike?”

She went to the middle of the group and held the object so that everyone could read it.

“If you’re in doubt, in my opinion the strawberry one is the best” she advised.

“For real, it’s what comes out the most” Hyunjin confirmed. “Even more so now that it’s its season.”

“I’ll have that one then” Jinsol made her choice. “I love strawberries.”

Chaewon took a few extra seconds to give her verdict.

“Okay, I'm down with that. Another strawberry one.”

“Mine will be the matcha one, actually” Sooyoung tucked her hair behind her ears.

“Has she always been this contrarian, Chaewon?” Jinsol nudged the oldest, finding it funny.

“You have no idea” her eyes widened. “When we were kids that was crazy! There was a time when…”

Sooyoung could see Jungeun staring at her out of the corner of her eye as she paid attention to their conversation. She smiled weakly, the simple act annoying her for no reason, and returning the gesture, she dodged it.

“Here’s yours” Hyunjin handed her the cup.

“Thank you!” she smiled.

She grabbed a straw and quickly put it in her mouth, trying to change her focus to the sweet tapioca balls she was chewing.

“Good?” Jungeun called her attention back. She already had hers in hands, but was completely ignoring it.

“Good.”

“Just curious” she shrugged. “I’ve never tried that one, matcha isn’t really my thing.”

“Uh-huh.”

One more sip.

“Do you want to go on the Ferris wheel with me and Jinsol?”

“I'm afraid of heights, did you forget?” Sooyoung sighed. “But Chaewon must want to.”

“It's not that tall, even kind of small. You said you find these ones easy once.”

Me and my big mouth.

“Then I'll go” Sooyoung decided to give in to the other's joy, who little knew that it was just to keep her quiet.

For someone who didn't want to exchange a single word, that conversation was yielding too much for her liking.

Nearby, the new friends were still talking happily and had even changed the topic, which was no surprise: Chaewon had always managed to get along with anyone, and Jinsol, despite being shy, was really sweet and friendly. When she opened up, she was easy to like.

At one point, Hyunjin also joined in, and from what she knew of her, Sooyoung theorized that she must’ve been enjoying the scene herself: in her head, no one knew that she was the secret girlfriend of the girl's sister she was talking to. Maybe Jungeun, but certainly not only her.

“You really need to go to the haunted house! It's the best ride in this park, trust me” she gestured excitedly as she pointed to her cousin. “Jungeun knows what I'm talking about.”

“It's a rite of passage” the youngest readily agreed. “Everyone who doesn't have a heart problem should go.”

“But it’s an hour in line, basically.”

“Isn’t it shorter by now? It’s still early” Chaewon also got excited. “I love horror.”

“I'm terrified of these things” Jinsol looked down, laughing nervously.

“I can keep her company, I'm not into that either” Sooyoung turned to the other two.

“Yes! We’ll keep you company in line and then wait.”

The girls looked at each other.

“All right then” they replied.

“But be careful…” Hyunjin held back her laughter. “I know a guy whose cousin had a neighbor who died on that ride.”

“Is that so?” Jungeun crossed her arms.

“You doubt it, but it was serious: everyone got in safely and everything was normal, until when the cart came out, let's say he... He had lost his mind. They heard screams, but thought it was from fright, so they didn't do anything. To this day, no one knows if it was one of the friends or something supernatural, but those who survived went crazy and were hospitalized. It made waves back in the day.”

“So how come I don’t remember this?”

“You were too young.”

“You're only three years older.”

Chaewon laughed.

“You guys are funny.”

“Tell your friend to tell his cousin to tell the neighbor that I said “my condolences” Jungeun arched an eyebrow. ‘We’re leaving, thanks for the drinks.”

“Keep laughing…”

Everyone said goodbye to Hyunjin, thanked her and after much insistence that they didn't need to pay, they started to leave.

“Look for us when my aunt gets back!”

“Be careful not to lose your mind!” she shouted from a distance.

The girls threw their empty cups in a trash can and headed towards the line, which, despite being long, was luckily not yet at the point Hyunjin had mentioned. It was still early. They went to its end and stayed there for about twenty minutes, talking in a surprisingly good-natured and light-hearted way.

Sooyoung even participated, but preferred to listen more despite Jungeun's occasional attempts to make her talk more. When it was the brave duo's turn, she and Jinsol gave up their seats to those who were actually going and went to wait in a more secluded area.

“Hyunjin is funny” Jinsol shook her head at the sight of the big dark castle with a relaxed smile. “Where does she get these stories from?”

“She’s a bit crazy, probably made it all up on the spot.”

Her laughter infected her friend.

“I also liked your cousin, she’s almost as cool as you.”

“You, you thought so?” Sooyoung's heart skipped a beat. It was hard to contain the involuntary stretch of lips as she turned to her object of appreciation, of course not for the most obvious compliment. “I'm glad you did.”

“Yes, yes. And I'm glad you came.”

Sooyoung simply nodded, suddenly feeling better about the whole situation. She brushed two strands of hair behind her ears, feeling the other's gaze on her, until they both returned to staring at the same point in a comfortable silence.

So far nothing had been as bad as her pessimistic mind had predicted, and perhaps with that she could begin to relax.

Minutes later, Chaewon and Jungeun ran towards them, euphoric, the second one doing her best to keep her cool, convincing almost everyone. And after that, the group spent a considerable amount of time playing arcade games trying to knock down cups with balls, shooting some hoops and rarely winning any prizes. In a last attempt before stopping to eat, Jungeun managed to get a pair of headbands with cat ears, one black and the other pink, which she wore to match Jinsol at her request.

“You all are so opposite” the blonde one added, in good humor.

By now they were all sitting on the curb next to the corn dog stand they had bought from, due to the scarcity of seating. The sky had already darkened considerably and the lighting came mainly from the streetlights and the multicolored Ferris wheel that stole the entire scene.

“We are, right?” Jinsol agreed. “There’s no denying it.”

“But it works” Jungeun touched her arm.

Sooyoung felt her stomach churn again.

So they're dating? What's going on?

“Do you guys want to go on the Ferris wheel now?” Chaewon shifted the focus to the large building nearby.

Luckily for the youngest, they all readily agreed. She took the last bite of her corn dog and was the first to stand up, adjusting her clothes in a bit of a hurry.

“Do you want me to throw your matchstick away?” she offered.

***

On a pink bench with endless hearts printed on it, half falling apart and a good few inches above the ground, Sooyoung stared at it blasély without saying a word since she sat down.

Unfortunately for her, Jungeun was right when she said she would find the Ferris wheel peaceful and that didn't help at all: perhaps a little fear could distract her from the incessant urge to scream and perhaps drive away the whirlwind of thoughts that were hitting her, none of them good. Not even the cold night breeze that sometimes messed up her hair bothered her.

“You know that might not have meant anything, right?” Chaewon raised a single eyebrow. It was just the two of them there, and it didn't need to look to know that she did it. “I know it bothered you.”

“I don't know why you think that” Sooyoung cut her off.

“Your fists are clenched.”

It was only then that she noticed the act, when she looked at her own hands.

“You didn't have to say that either” she huffed. “You think the same as me. Can't you still be nice without being fake, Chaewon?”

Chaewon's eyes widened.

“Don't take it out on me! It's like I'm the one who's hooking up with Jinsol!”

Sooyoung's eyes widened.

“Did she tell you that?”

“Way of speaking, you dumb!"

At that exact moment, the ride gradually slowed down until it stopped back where it had started. People were already starting to leave their seats, and the girls only realized this when the instructor raised the safety bar to let them out.

And as if it wasn't bad enough, the second she set foot on the ground, the first thing Sooyoung saw was Jungeun's arm around Jinsol as they walked towards them. That was the last straw.

“I gotta go” she announced before running as fast as she could toward the bathrooms. She usually had plenty of breath thanks to her swimming training, but by the time she came into the stall to throw out, her breathing was already out of whack.

If they asked, she’d say it was the rocking that made her sick. It was a rather lame excuse, but the best she could do.

What a situation.

“Idiot” Sooyoung muttered to herself as she tried to compose herself, leaning against the wall. Her bangs were already damp with sweat, her face was hot, probably reddish with anger, and her heart was still heavy.

That was when she realized how stupid she had been in underestimating Jinsol's crush, thinking that she would come back to her senses or that she could get over it so easily. In the end, neither of those things happened and the feeling would stay there, making her suffer more and more.

The one who lost the most in this story was the one who started it all. Maybe doing the English assignment alone and still admiring the girl she liked from afar wouldn't be so bad after all.

She closed the toilet lid and pressed the flush button before sitting on it in no rush to get up.

“Sooyoung?” a few seconds later, the echo of a familiar voice interrupted her thoughts.

It was Jungeun.

Her footsteps grew louder and louder as she slowly approached the stall.

“I know you’re there, I can see your shoes” she said.

Sooyoung took one last deep breath before opening the door completely against her will. Although it didn't show much from her tone of voice, Jungeun had a worried expression on her face as she looked her up and down. Her hands inside her jacket pockets and she no longer had that imposing look she always had.

“Is everything all right?” she asked.

“It was just a discomfort” the tallest one crossed her arms with a worried look. “I'm fine.”

Just what I needed.

“Sorry, I thought the Ferris wheel would be okay for you” her lips formed a line. “It was the Ferris wheel, right?”

“It was” Sooyoung hesitated. “But it’s over now.”

“Do you want me to buy you some water?”

Such a sentence made it hard to look at her without being able to hide the disbelief: the shamelessness she had at that moment was impossible.

The truth is that the two were once much closer than they seemed. Nothing more than friendship, but it was no secret to either of them that Jungeun always had unrequited feelings for Sooyoung, whom she even kissed before being brutally rejected.

In Sooyoung's view, Jungeun was an extremely reckless, irresponsible and a little overconfident girl, her troubles sometimes spilling over onto her, even if accidentally, which left her on the verge of going crazy. She seemed calmer nowadays, but still. She didn't agree with most of her actions and their teenage immaturity meant they didn't end up on the best of terms.

So, Sooyoung couldn't understand what made her think that starting to act as if nothing happened would be a good idea, but logic wasn't her strong point either. Despite everything, in the end there was no surprise.

“No?” her eyebrows knitted together. “Shame on you, Jungeun.”

“I'm just trying to be nice, Sooyoung” she replied.

An old lady who was washing her hands in front of them turned off the tap and dried them in the air before leaving. She was the only one there besides them.

“No need. Keep the money from your dad’s wallet for yourself.”

“I almost don't do that anymore!” she snorted. “And if I didn't steal from him, he would spend it all on his affairs and you know it! Don't talk like I don't have my reasons.”

“Well, I didn't steal mine when he cheated.”

“And you think you’re so much better because of it, don’t you?” a sarcastic laugh escaped her lips. “You haven’t changed at all.”

The tallest one made a move to leave.

“It’s impossible to talk to you” she grunted.

“You were the one who spoke to me first, you crazy.”

She turned around, not understanding.

“You called my place that day, did you forget?” she continued. “Imagine my surprise when they told me.”

“It was for Jinsol! All I said was that I had a friend who wanted to go to the arcade and had no one to play with. She likes you, or are you going to say you don't know? Go buy water for your girlfriend and leave me alone.

Sooyoung's blood was boiling like hot oil and her heart was beating a thousand miles an hour. That conversation was the last thing she needed at that moment and it had everything to not end well, but Jungeun didn't say anything.

She just stood there, standing as if she was dangerously having an epiphany. The only sound present was the echo of people having fun outside, which made time seem to pass even slower. And suddenly, her neutral expression gave way to a brief, almost imperceptible stretch of lips, which evolved into a corner of her mouth as she tilted her head almost like Jinsol did.

“You speak as if it bothers you” she broke the silence.

That statement came as a bombshell to Sooyoung, but not just because of the insinuation. She absolutely hated the tone used and was certain that Jungeun was amused by the thought she had.

Her eyes filled with tears, which caused the other's sudden good mood to quickly dissipate.

God only knows how much self-control it took to stop herself from slapping that full cheek. She couldn't lose her mind like that, it wasn't worth it.

“Jungeun, do me a favor” her voice came out in an angry whisper as she approached. “Get out of my life!” she yelled in her face.

Sooyoung didn't give her any room to react before running away from there, and honestly? It didn't seem like she was going to. But she didn't regret it, she needed that.

She loved Jinsol and had hit rock bottom because of it. There was nothing left to lose.

The persistent crying made it hard to see and fogged up her glasses, but it wasn't hard to get out of there and find the bus stop anyway. Luckily, the bus came at almost the same time, and she threw herself inside in despair: she wanted her room, her bed. She wanted to pretend to be sick so she wouldn't have to go to school anymore and run away back to Canada at eighteen, where there were no Jinsols for whom she would sacrifice her sanity.

Of course she felt bad about leaving Chaewon alone, but the two had known each other for over a decade and the moment Jungeun announced her missing, she would know where she was. It wasn't the first time she had done this.

And walking in the huge house, still empty and silent, she ran even faster, even going up a few steps of the stairs just so she could wrap herself in her sheets as soon as possible. The mess they left before coming out was still there, but that couldn't matter less.

Sooyoung just wanted to collapse into her pillow until she couldn't take it anymore. Again.

Despite all the scene she made and the depressing sunday she spent entirely in bed, fake sick, on monday there was Sooyoung walking to school as if she hadn't had one of the worst weekends of her life. At least on the outside, and for the first time in weeks, alone.

Because in the inside, shame consumed her completely every time she remembered what she had done on impulse in a moment of madness: she wasn't like that, but since it was already done, she didn't have the courage to show up at Jinsol's door, much less to accept her mother's delicious food, not after having ditched her like that. She didn't deserve it.

Sooyoung didn't deserve her. She felt like the worst person in the world and that she wasn't worth a cent.

Her head was starting to ache because of it.

For those who had been trying to avoid her face for an indefinite period of time, her absence throughout the day was a great relief, but for those who missed admiring her and were worried, it was terrifying, especially after hearing her name amidst the strangely frequent conversation in that classroom. They were talking about her, she just didn't know what or why.

Another missing (and mentioned) face was Jungeun, but Sooyoung had spotted her skateboarding nearby earlier. She was just skipping school, it didn't matter.

“Hey, do you know what’s going on?” Im Yeojin, the class representative, turned to the back seat to ask.

She was a short girl with full cheeks, small eyes and short black hair with bangs. Thanks to her position, she was always in the know and hanging out with the popular kids, which made it all the more surprising for Sooyoung that she went to her to find out.

“No, why?” her eyebrows knitted together.

“I thought you knew, she's your friend.”

She shifted in her seat, starting to worry.

“Are you talking about Jinsol?”

“Uh-huh” she nodded. “They saw her crying in the bathroom. Is she really hanging out with Jungeun?”

Such a sentence made Sooyoung's heart hurt more than it had in the past few days. She could suffer and it was okay, she had gotten used to it! But the idea of any tears coming out of those brown eyes and running down her rosy cheeks made her want to die.

She couldn't allow something like that to happen, not to someone so sweet and special. It wasn't fair. Ever since they got close, what she wanted most besides being by her side was her happiness, and she couldn't imagine what the reason could be, but her sense of urgency made her practically jump out of her chair and run through the hallways towards the bathroom on the first floor, which she knew she preferred.

Fortunately, the teacher for the next class hadn’t arrived yet and some others were walking towards their classrooms, but the girl managed to go completely unnoticed.

When she came face to face with the door with the toilet symbol, she hesitated for a second. Her heart felt like it wanted to come out of her mouth, both from the adrenaline and from the nervousness of not knowing how she would react (after all, she could be angry that Sooyoung fought with Jungeun on saturday). Who knows what that girl could’ve told her.

Were they still friends? Did she still value her?

Her only conclusion was that whatever she thought, it was worth the risk.

Sooyoung opened the door as slowly as she could in an attempt to avoid the sound of it creaking, but at the first moment of carelessness, the sniffles stopped and the room became completely silent.

“It's just me. Sooyoung” she announced, going to the only closed stall. “I came to see how you were.”

“They’re gossiping, aren’t they?” Jinsol took a few seconds to say with a choked voice.

Sooyoung sighed.

“They are. But don’t worry, I… I’ll find a way.”

She knew there was none, they both probably knew. But they decided not to prolong it. And before she could say anything else, the sound of the latch announced the opening of the door, and Sooyoung barely had time to look at Jinsol before she pulled her into a needy hug that took her by surprise and almost unbalanced her.

“Do you… want to tell me what happened?” she asked almost in a whisper.

Despite the situation they were in and the worry, she enjoyed the act. Her head was resting on her shoulder and her hand stroked that incredibly soft hair, wishing they were like this but in a moment of happiness.

“I don't care about them anymore, it's okay” she whispered back.

“But then why are you crying? Did you and Jungeun fight, is that it?”

The hug got tighter.

“Forget about her, we broke up.”

“You what?” the tallest one widened her eyes.

“Yes. Whatever was that, it ended.”

“So that's the reason?”

The girls looked at each other again. Jinsol, her eyes already reddish and still teary, cried more when she made contact with hers.

“No” she sobbed again.

Despite this, Sooyoung didn't believe it. It didn't make sense to her, but it wasn't the time for that.

“Look, let's do it like this” she wiped the tears from her cheeks. “Why don't I take you to the infirmary and we say that you're in pain and ask for a day off? You're not fine to stay.”

The shortest just nodded.

Fortunately, the plan worked perfectly, after all, there was no way to deny her crying and the school couldn't offer medicine without authorization. Sooyoung didn't see when they came to pick her up because she had to go back to class, but her condition didn't leave her head for a second and she imagined how she was at home, especially at lunchtime under that cherry blossom. She needed to help her, to do something, and the chocolate bar she bought as a gift from the vending machine was far from enough.

Despite always being really observant, her brain didn't seem to be working as it should in the last few days.

It was better when she was the one suffering.

***

At home several long hours later, the first thing she did was run upstairs to the phone to see if Jinsol felt even a little better. It was the way she found to check her without invading the space she was trying to give.

Chaewon sat next to the open door that led to the balcony, wearing a blue summer dress as she got some air and flipped through a magazine. The call was quick and Sooyoung didn't care if she listened, as she would tell her anyway.

“What happened to Jinsol?” she worried as soon as the device was placed back on the hook.

Sooyoung went to sit next to her on the floor.

“She said that she and Jungeun broke up, but I'm sure it was Jungeun who broke up with her.”

“Really? They seemed so fine” Chaewon stared at the floor, trying to assimilate. “Was it because of what happened on saturday?”

“I don’t know” the youngest brought her knees towards her. “But I wish I could understand, I could help. I hate seeing her like that, I couldn’t even pay attention to the class. And probably not even in swimming later…

Chaewon settled better.

“I think it’s one of these two things: either she broke up and didn’t want to tell for some reason, or it was Jungeun herself. But either way, it’s weird, because they seemed actually fine on saturday.

“Only if they were pretending to us, some people are more reserved.”

“Is it Jinsol?”

“No” she chuckled. “Sometimes it even seems like you can read her mind.”

Suddenly, there was silence. They already had their answer.

“Idiot” Sooyoung’s fists clenched. “Idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot.”

“Why are you so mad? Don’t you hate them together?”

“I hate Jinsol suffering even more” her eyebrows raised in her direction. “I wanted her to love me back and break up with Jungeun on good terms, not cry. Jinsol doesn't deserve to cry, that's not fair!”

Chaewon looked at her with pity.

“You really love her.”

“Did you only find it out now?” Sooyoung snorted and jumped up. “I'm going swimming” she announced as she marched around the room, packing her things in a hurry.

It was still early and she wouldn't be able to have dinner, but she needed some time alone. Sometimes in the middle of such maddening days and such intense feelings, all a girl needs is a leisurely walk through quiet streets on a warm evening.

Even if it changes nothing.

She didn't even take off her uniform, she just threw her red swimsuit along with the other things inside the bag she usually carried to the gym and headed there, where, as expected, she arrived hours earlier.

Despite this, she got ready as usual: she changed into her bathing suit, put on her cap and took off her glasses. The rest of the time was spent just watching other people working out on a bench in the room with the equipment. Even though it was one of the crowdest times, it still was a pleasant spot: in where she was, it wasn't that noisy, the ventilation was good and the nearby windows were huge, giving a privileged view of the setting sun and the many birds flying nearby.

But not even the greatest distraction would be able to drive away the most insistent thoughts. Curiosity was still killing her: what had happened, after all? Was she somehow to blame for the argument?

It was inevitable that she didn't put together the entire timeline in her head and then realized that the relationship had been strange from the beginning: Jungeun accepted being introduced to Jinsol too quickly for her nature, treated her like a girlfriend on the first day even without knowing her, suggested several times that they all hang out together and seemed happy with Sooyoung's jealousy. Plus the bonus of having broken up with her right after she was told to disappear.

Even Chaewon found it strange that they got along so quickly, despite Jinsol's shyness.

No.

No, no, no, no.

“Are you okay, Sooyoung?” her swimming teacher, a friendly lady with gray hair, pulled her back to reality. It was hard to know how long she had been there.

“Uh-huh” the girl stared at her with wide eyes before standing up to greet her. “Good evening.”

“Good evening” she laughed. “Come on, let’s go to the pool and wait for the others. You’re early today.”

“Yes, that’s right…”

The two walked side by side towards the class, but Sooyoung didn't even pay attention to the path. That day, she was the fastest swimmer, driven purely by fury and the hope that her speed would influence the clock hands.

Jungeun had used Jinsol to get closer to Sooyoung. There was nowhere else in the world she wanted to be than at her doorstep, ready for a great explanation.

And she better have one.

***

Hours later, blocks away, there she was in front of a small, brick-like house with no front wall, but charming nonetheless. Her loose hair, still wet, dampened her cluttered uniform as she ignored the doorbell amidst loud, urgent knocks.

She didn't even know if Jungeun was there, especially since she had been gone all day, but Sooyoung would sleep right there if she had to. Nothing could make her run away from hearing what she had to say.

She was just starting to think about sitting on the front step when the door finally opened.

Jungeun was wearing a white tank top that highlighted her shoulders, cargo pants and house slippers. She didn't seem surprised by her presence at all, her neutrality giving the impression that she was even expecting it.

“Is there anyone else there?” Sooyoung asked through gritted teeth, getting a simple nod in response.

She took off her shoes while the shortest made room for her to walk in, and as soon as she did so she immediately slapped her across the face.

“What the hell is wrong with you, Jungeun?” she shouted.

“On the same side, seriously?” Jungeun let out a sarcastic laugh with her hand on her cheek. “Couldn't you take turns?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Jinsol did the same thing when I told her the truth” she shrugged. “She just looks calm, just looks. I thought she told you.”

“Well, she should’ve done worse! And no, I found out by myself.”

Sooyoung walked over and pulled Jungeun’s collar shirt towards her.

“You have no idea of how much that girl was in love” her voice came out in a growl. “She wrote your initials in her notebook the whole damn class, she hoped you would pass by just so she could watch, she dreamed about you! And you do that.”

“I wasn't so different with you” she murmured.

She huffed as she dropped Jungeun there and made her way through the mess of the room with strong steps and practically threw herself on the vomit-green couch. Her elbow rested on the arm of the furniture as her hand went to her forehead in pure disappointment, not that she expected much.

There was no hope for Kim Jungeun.

She herself followed her and moved some papers so she could sit down next to her.

“That’s a terrible time to say that I missed you here” she murmured to the floor in a calmer tone, free of irony. “But it's true.”

“It's more chaotic since last time” Sooyoung replied bitterly.

But it was still true, after all, the living room of her house was like any other in the neighborhood: wooden floor, white walls, TV stand... But with the addition of papers scattered on the couch and coffee table, some of her father's shirts thrown around, a pile of tangled shoes near the door, the dusty appearance...

And that wasn't even all. It was kind of sad to see.

Her family was so dysfunctional that chores took a back seat, and they could hardly keep up.

“Oh, you know how it is.”

“I know.”

The tallest one shifted in her seat, feeling uncomfortable.

“What were you thinking?” she sighed. “It was too much, even for you.”

“Have you never done anything crazy for love?”

They stared at each other.

“At least mine didn't hurt” Sooyoung pointed to her cheek.

Jungeun nodded in understanding.

“So you were really jealous of me and not Jinsol, huh?” she bit her lip.

“But of course, Jungeun. My god.”

The conversation was interrupted by the sound of the door opening again.

“Ah, there you are” Jungeun's stepmother frowned as soon as she laid eyes on Sooyoung. “Good night.”

“Good night.”

She was a tall, svelte woman, her shoulder-length hair dyed a coppery brown bordering on red, and she always looked well-groomed. The girl didn't even remember her name, much less bother to get up to greet her before she headed to the kitchen. She refused to.

Jungeun might have had countless flaws, but it was really nice how she stood by her and put laxatives in the woman's food when they found out she was Ha Yejun's affair.

But of course, she didn't know they knew.

“Yeah, that’s my cue” Sooyoung stood up, putting the sports bag on her shoulder.

“Can I walk you to the door?” Jungeun offered, already doing so.

They put their shoes back on and walked together to the end of the street, lit entirely by streetlights. Considering the house was on the corner, it wasn't far.

The truth is that it didn't matter if Sooyoung screamed, hit or set fire to her house. It wouldn't be too far from what Jinsol had probably done, it was like kicking someone when they’re down. Jungeun had already learned that lesson when she was rejected for the second time.

“Can I ask you a question?” she turned to the taller one. Her expression was sincere. “Can I kiss your cheek?”

Surprisingly, Sooyoung allowed it. Not that she was going back on it, but because she thought it was a way to seal the end of that “thing”.

Jungeun had to lift herself up slightly so that her lips could reach her face, especially since Sooyoung's loafers made her look even taller. She didn't squirm much, just brushed them against her briefly so lightly that she barely felt them, and after stopping, she gave her a sad smile.

“Idiot” Sooyoung couldn't help but say, but not with the same anger as before.

“I know.”

“Take care.”

Her smile became a little wider.

“You too.”

And without saying anything else, they went their separate ways back home. She didn't know about the other one, but it was certain that Sooyoung's heart felt much lighter and her thoughts clearer.

But Jinsol was still a worry for her: how could she be with all of this?

At home, it was impossible to escape one of Ha Minji's famous scoldings for having missed dinner and left on an empty stomach, but it wasn't that bad. If she knew who her daughter was with, she would’ve been ten times more upset.

Sooyoung immediately took a shower and changed clothes. She washed her hair again to get the chlorine out, combed it slowly, applied a skin cream and put on her favorite floral pajamas before going downstairs to get something to eat. Her improvised dinner ended up being a bowl of oatmeal that she ate at her desk while doing the homework and studying.

Her phone rang every now and then, but when she answered, no one replied. It was probably just a childish prank, but it was starting to get on her nerves. So she considered unplugging it like she had done over the weekend, and would’ve done so if the thought of missing a call from Jinsol didn’t stop her.

“Hello! Hello!” she answered one last time. “Go get a life!”

Out of patience, the girl decided to finish studying in the living room where her family was watching a movie that she didn't know what it was about. The lights were all off and the lighting came entirely from the TV, just like the theater, but nothing that stopped her from reading.

“What happened?” Chaewon whispered to her cousin sitting next to her.

“There’s a lunatic prank calling me all the time, I answer and no one says anything. I couldn’t concentrate.”

“Someone has way too much free time” she let out a little air through her nose.

About half an hour later, Sooyoung's head was starting to ache from reading in the dark. That's when she let it go and settled down on the couch, practically lying down on the arm of the furniture and finally paying attention to the movie. Even though it was still relatively early, her day had been so long that she had to make an effort not to fall asleep right there.

“I'm going to the bathroom, do you want me to bring it to you?” Chaewon pointed to the book.

“Yes, please.”

The blonde one took the object from her hands and went up to the bedroom, where she seemed to spend a lifetime. The adults had barely noticed her leaving, but Sooyoung was starting to find it strange that she was taking so long. She was about to follow when the sound of something falling echoed from the second floor. The house had good soundproofing, so for them to have been able to hear it, it must’ve been loud.

Everyone looked at each other in alert.

“Is Chaewon upstairs?” her aunt asked.

Before anyone could say anything more, someone could be heard shouting “mom” in despair right after.

Everyone rushed to meet her, narrowly avoiding running into each other or tripping on the stairs. Mirae was the one who opened the door, revealing a fallen Chaewon on the floor next to the desk chair.

“My foot! My foot!” the girl screamed, almost crying with her face completely red. “I can't move it!”

Her mother got on her knees in front of her, trying to calm her down.

“What happened?” Sooyoung did the same, almost as worried as her.

“You keep leaving the books on that high shelf! I climbed on the chair to reach it and it fell with me!”

“Why didn’t you just put it on the desk? My god…”

“I'm going to move the car” the older Ha announced to his sister-in-law, who agreed, standing up to carry her daughter. Fortunately, they weren't in their pajamas yet, so they didn't need to change to go to the hospital.

“She must have twisted it…” Minji stroked the youngest's hair.

“Are you coming with me, auntie?” she asked in a choked voice.

"But your mother will already be there, don’t worry."

“But I’m terrified of hospitals! Terrified!” she cut her off. “You’ve studied nursing, that calms me down. Please…”

The women looked at each other.

“Okay, I'll go” she turned to her daughter. “Sooyoung, keep an eye on the phone, we'll call you if anything happens.”

The nervousness was so great that the girl had no choice but to obey, even though she wanted to go along. She helped get Chaewon's documents and look for Mirae's bag so they could leave and a few minutes later, almost the entire family was in the car.

She watched the vehicle turn the corner from the bedroom balcony, feeling incredibly guilty.

Oh great, now this.

Of course she hadn't pushed Chaewon out of the chair, much less installed that shelf so high, but the accident only happened because she was doing her a favor. But also, what was she thinking? Why not just put the book on the desk? Chaewon sometimes made no sense at all.

Sooyoung went to turn off the TV in the living room and the lights, something everyone forgot, and went back to watching something in the bedroom in a failed attempt to distract herself. She remained lying face down on the edge of the bed, flipping through the channels on the small tube TV without spending more than a second on each one. She didn't know how much time had passed, but one thing was right: one more minute and boredom would kill her.

At least the phone had stopped ringing.

She decided to get up to look for a magazine to flip through or a CD to listen to,when she heard knocking on the balcony door. She even thought it was all in her head and would have loved to get deluded with such a possibility if it hadn't happened once again. A shiver ran down her spine.

Sooyoung turned off the TV in despair, but the light was on and it was easy to tell by the reflection in the closed curtains. There were clearly people in the house. The only thing on her mind was the lunatic on the phone, and amidst the cold sweat and a lot of shaking, she grabbed the first thing she saw to defend herself (in this case, a lamp). Her breathing was silent, although panting as she tried her best not to make any noise, which allowed her to hear someone calling her name in a muffled way.

“Sooyoung, it’s me!” again. “It’s Jinsol!”

Her eyebrows knitted together, but she remained silent.

“Okay! You were born on the twenty-fourth of May, nineteen eighty, your favorite food is strawberry cake, you play the piano, guitar and violin and you hate carrots!”

She lowered the lamp.

“Jinsol?”

“Open the door!”

The girl threw the object on the bed and ran to unlock the door, where right in front of her, bathed in the darkness of the night and wearing a light baby blue zippered coat, white shorts and Converse of the same color, was Jeong Jinsol. On her balcony. Her already disheveled hair was messed up even more by the wind as she stared at her friend, panting, with a weak smile.

And among some five hundred questions, at first one stood out:

“How, how did you get up here?” Sooyoung shook her head.

“By the tree in front” she pointed. “I did gymnastics when I was a kid, I think I never told you about it.”

“Never.”

Silence.

“You… Want to know what I’m doing here?”

“Please!” the tallest one widened her eyes.

Awkwardly, Jinsol hesitated a bit before starting to speak.

***

Jinsol.

Two hours ago.

Jinsol was on the living room couch with a large mug of ginger tea for her supposed earache. The school nurse found it strange that she hadn’t any inflammation, but her crying had made her send her home anyway. It's hard to know if she believed it, but at least it worked.

Coincidentally, Heejin didn't have prep course classes that day, so she finished her homework by her side, keeping her promise to keep her company. They watched a movie that her mother rented to cheer her up while the adults also drank tea and talked in the kitchen.

Despite their efforts, her heart was still heavy, and it wasn't because of Jungeun: her past self would die if she knew, but the end of whatever it was wasn't the end of the world either. To tell the truth, it didn't even tickle compared to the real reason for her tears.

Ha Sooyoung.

Jungeun having used her and having the nerve to admit it when everything backfired made her mad, but what really hurt was what led her to this. Who did she think she was to make a whole plan to get Sooyoung back like some cheap arcade prize? Please, she’s a nobody.

Jinsol had to admit that such arrogance that she would succeed made her jealous, something she had no right to be.

Sooyoung had endured twice as much, and kept quiet.

Jinsol considered this the worst part: all she knew about Jungeun was what she imagined based on what she herself showed, and she did it so well that she created a brand new person in her head. And later, when she finally realized this, while she was going out with the real-life one, all she could think about was what Sooyoung might be doing. She missed her.

Sooyoung understood her like no one else could, she welcomed her and made her feel safe, she was extremely punctual, smart and fun. And beautiful. While Jungeun was “cool”, her beauty was more delicate in an almost poetic way.

Jinsol missed the moments by her side when it seemed like there was no one else in the world, the way she looked for excuses to hold her hand at the beginning, her loving looks and even her peach scent. However, while she didn't realize this, she made her suffer for the sake of another one because she didn't know how to deal with the confession, and after getting emotional and asking them not to be apart, she did nothing to stop it from happening.

And then she had lost the kindest girl in the world and it was all her fault. Remembering past decisions was what kept her from leaving that bathroom: she couldn't see her in class knowing that she had thrown everything away out of immaturity, and a hug was no guarantee of anything.

What was her head at?

Without taking her eyes off the notebook, Heejin stroked her sister's arm softly. She knew everything she was going through.

The last few days have been crazy, because in addition to that, Sooyoung's speech influenced Jinsol to swallow her pride and allow the older girl to enter her world little by little. Things evolved quite quickly, which made them gain confidence to bring up the whole Hyunjin-Jungeun-Sooyoung issue, especially after the "breakup", where details were put into play.

To the youngest's surprise, they were much more alike than they thought.

“Hey, do you want to share the last piece of cake that mom made?” the oldest suggested, smiling broadly.

Jinsol had to admit that her attempts to cheer her up were adorable, but they were to no avail.

“I'm not hungry, we just had dinner.”

“I’ll save half for you” she kissed the top of her head.

At that moment, the phone started ringing and Heejin was the one who answered.

“Jinsol, it’s for you” she seemed to hesitate as she called. Her expression was unreadable.

Jinsol placed the mug on the coffee table cautiously before standing up and picking up the device. It all happened too quickly for her to think.

“Hello?”

* “Don’t hang up, it’s important” * it was Jungeun.

The sisters stared at each other in shock at such nerve.

* “Are you there?” *

“I am. One second” she handed the phone to Heejin. “I'll answer it upstairs, wait before hanging up” she whispered.

Her gait was hurried as she climbed the stairs and crossed the hallway to Heejin's room. Even though she had said loud and clear that she never wanted to speak to Jungeun again, for her to decide to call even after the fight, it must’ve been really important and curiosity was killing her.

Was it something with Sooyoung? Was she okay?

“Okay, you can talk now” she announced when answering on Heejin's phone, throwing herself face down on the bed.

* “I got slapped again.” *

“Serves you right!” she turned around. “Whose?”

* “Who else would it be?” her laugh was sarcastic. “Sooyoung just stopped by.” *

“Why would she go there? I didn’t give her any details.”

* “She connected the dots, and even if she hadn’t, she’d still slap me just knowing that we’re not together anymore. She’d already know it was my fault.” *

“She knows you're no good.”

* “I know. But you are.” *

“Just tell me what’s your point” she sighed. “I've had my share of mysterious people.”

Silence.

* “Go after her.” *

“… What?”

* “She came here to fight with me just to defend you, Jinsol” she murmured. “She loves you.” *

Such a sentence made her heart skip a beat and then speed up, but she tried not to be too delusional.

“You don’t have a much solid history…”

* “Then tell her I lied so she’ll come here for real. I’ll lose either way.” *

Jinsol stared into space with no reaction. It was a great point.

“And why by now?”

* “I'm just trying to fix what I did” her voice came out shaky, which she tried to hide with a cough. “Go before I regret it.” *

Jinsol decided not to insist on the matter and just accept the advice given willingly out of respect for her situation. If there was one thing she understood, it was unrequited feelings, and that helped her put herself in her shoes and know how hard it was for her to do that, despite still feeling incredibly angry.

She wouldn't forgive her any time soon, but it helped ease her burden a little. It was commendable.

“Thank you” she smiled weakly, even though the other one couldn't see it.

* “You’re welcome.” *

Once the call ended, her task was another: to get through to Chaewon. Luckily Sooyoung had her own line in the bedroom.

She dialed the already well-memorized number several times, the first few calls being answered by herself before she lost her patience, but Jinsol couldn't answer. She had to keep going until she got her cousin to answer.

She had a plan.

For what seemed like the thousandth time, the desired voice was finally heard on the other end of the line.

* “My god, get a life!” *

“Don’t hang up, don’t hang up!” she begged. “And don’t say my name, please.”

* “Jinsol? Was it you the whole time? And relax, it’s just me here.” *

“I need to talk to you.”

* “Is it about Sooyoung? Because she left in a huff earlier.” *

It was hard to contain the silly smile.

“A little bird told me so” she turned over again with her feet raised. “I want to go there, but I know her parents will complain about the time and for not having told them and it’ll be her fault. Can you cover for me?”

Chaewon hesitated.

* “To come… For what, exactly?” *

“I want to tell Sooyoung that I love her” Jinsol bit her lip nervously.

Silence.

* “My cousin isn’t a second option. Are you saying that because it’s true or because you don’t want to be alone?” *

“I'm going to sneak out at night just to see her!” she chuckled. “I didn't even do it for Jungeun, who I thought I liked.”

* “And are you sure you’re not just confused?” *

She stood up.

“I don't give a damn about what Jungeun did to me, but I spent the whole morning crying because I realized too late that she wasn’t the one I wanted to be with! And because I distanced myself from Sooyoung because of that and most likely made her suffer. She had to comfort me about it at school and I had to pretend that she wasn't the reason, but you have no idea how much I missed her these days!” her words came out as if she was throwing them out, forgetting to even stop to breathe. “These last few times I only thought about her when I was with the other one, but I was already too stupid to go back and it made me so crazy that I'm having nightmares!”

* “Breathe.” *

“I had such happy days with her, and she is so kind and caring…” she sniffed. “If I have another chance to do everything right, then I should take it.”

* “You better don’t hurt her,” she replied after a while. “That girl really loves you.” *

The youngest's heart started racing again.

“I promise I won't.”

* “Give me half an hour and the house it’s empty.” *

“But how-”

* End of call *

Jinsol was left with no reaction for a few seconds before finally putting the phone back on the hook. It wasn’t time to stand still.

She ran back into the living room and threw herself on the couch next to Heejin.

“I need your help,” she asked in a whisper. Her wide smile made it hard to believe how bad she was a short time ago. “I’m going out to see Sooyoung.”

“Feeling sick like that? Mom will find it strange.”

“That's why I need you” her head tilted to the side. “Can you cover for me in half an hour?”

Heejin frowned.

“I've done that a lot, my god…” she chuckled. “Say goodnight to mom and dad and I'll distract them in the kitchen when it's time for you to “go to sleep”. But go out through the window and the wall so they can't hear the door or anything. Especially the gate, it makes a lot of noise.”

“You're the best!” Jinsol whispered what was supposed to be a scream.

After a while, she went to the kitchen, masking her excitement, and after the announcement, she went to the bedroom, where she made a pile of pillows under her double sheet and wore the first coat she found.

She could hear the distant murmurs of conversations in the next room as she slipped on her shoes and easily jumped out of the living room window. For some reason, she had always imagined that her gymnastics skills would come in handy in a situation like this, and she was right. Adrenaline ran even faster through her veins when she got to the backyard, balancing on the potted plant and then climbing the brick wall using the relief as a foothold.

Luckily it wasn't high, as she had to jump from there.

And then the girl ran for her life through the dark and quiet streets, the cold wind cutting her skin while her heartbeat matched the rhythm of her legs. She didn't know how much time she had, maybe minutes, maybe hours, but the truth is that wasn't the reason for such speed. It was Sooyoung.

Once at her street, it wasn't hard to figure out which house it was: despite knowing the address, it would be her first time there. She didn't allow herself to be surprised by the size of the Ha residence compared to the other houses she saw around, even though it was something hard to ignore. Instead, she needed to figure out how she would surprise her in her bedroom.

It wasn't hard to figure out which one it was either: it was possible to see the only light on by the reflection of the curtains.

Jinsol found a spot where the streetlight didn't snitch on her and took a few steps back, then ran and picked up speed to jump over the wall. Luckily for her, it wasn't high either, so it wasn't a problem. Once inside, she saw a single tree that led exactly where she needed to go and swallowed hard.

Now that would be insane.

She didn't know if her biggest fear was that a neighbor would think she was a burglar and call the police or that she would fall from up there. In either way, she’d have to explain why the break-in, but it was for a good cause!

The moment she saw herself safe and sound on that balcony, a sigh of relief escaped her lips. She tried to catch her breath before knocking on the door with her heart in her hand and no doubts in her mind.

***

“Do you… love me?” Sooyoung asked, so stunned that she barely had an expression. Maybe the long story was too much at once.

Jinsol didn't answer, instead, she placed her hands on either side of her face. Her cheeks were cold from the chill, but they warmed up as soon as she caressed them with her thumbs, only waiting for the courage to do what she had wanted for a long time.

She approached slowly, until the distance between their faces was no more than a few inches. Sooyoung was the one who broke it, sealing both their lips with her hands on her back in a soft, shy and slightly awkward kiss. It was Jinsol's first. And when the act stopped, they remained the same, as if out of pity to take their trembling hands off each other.

The meeting of glances was the reason for the light, silent laughter.

“But then you didn’t need to come up here” the tallest one muttered. Her smile was so big it took up half her face.

“I wanted to do it like those movies. What a silly idea, right?” they laughed even more.

“No” their lips met again. “Not at all.”

***

“I'm sorry for helping you get closer to Jungeun even though I knew her” Sooyoung said sincerely.

Minutes later, the girls found themselves in bed without doing or talking about anything specific, just enjoying each other's company in the comfortable silence. Jinsol had her hair caressed by her girlfriend (?) while her head was in her lap and she felt light for the first time in many days. She was almost flying.

“I guess I didn't give you much of a choice either.”

“I still don’t know what came over me. I thought it wouldn’t lead to anything much, I don’t know, but I could’ve warned you…”

She took her hand over her head.

“I'm sorry I acted like nothing happened when you confessed. I didn't know how to deal with it, but now I do.”

“Yeah, that hurt. We were so dumb” Sooyoung let out a little air through her nose.

The Jeong one raised her body and sat down in front of her again.

“I promise I won’t be dumb to you anymore” her tone was sincere. “And if I am, please tell me. I can't be without you again.”

The last sentence made Sooyoung feel like she was going to melt.

“But I've always been here” her gaze wavered amidst the silly half-sigh-laugh. “But I got it, and I promise. And you also have to tell me.”

Jinsol hugged her again, this time even tighter. Her touch was filled with longing and relief that everything had gone right. And joy too, for being with the person she should’ve been with from the beginning.

The adults could still come back at any time and find her there, but she could hide under the bed or whatever. It didn't matter anymore.

Nothing beyond that moment mattered anymore.

“I came in such a hurry I even forgot how I was going to ask” her lips formed a line.

Sooyoung lifted her face by the chin, making Jinsol look at her incredibly bright eyes, almost as smiling as her mouth.

“Jinsol… Do you want to be my girlfriend?”

July.

6:30 P.M.

Sooyoung, Jinsol, Heejin, Hyunjin, Chaewon and Hyeju were all sitting on the roof of Hyunjin's house. Summer came in full force, almost cruel, but in the evening, the cool breeze was a sigh of relief. The sky reached a tone that mixed pink and orange and the girls looked at it with expectation: soon it would get dark and then the fireworks show would start to celebrate the beginning of the mid-year break.

Jinsol and Heejin decided to skip the trip to their aunt's house to stay in town with their girlfriends. Their parents allowed it with hesitation and on the condition that Heejin take care of Jinsol as if she were her own, which ended up in late nights awake, loud music and pizza for lunch. Surprisingly, the youngest would miss her terribly the following year.

Sooyoung couldn't go to Toronto because of some bureaucracy that her parents needed to sort out, which she loved, as it meant more time with her Jindori. And the fact that Chaewon with her mother came back because of it made it all the better.

And with company!

Her much talked about girlfriend, Son Hyeju, also had relatives in a neighboring city, so they went together and they all hung out whenever they could. The girl was a hit when she was introduced to the group, which at first made her a little shy, but happy. Her straight hair was long and a black as intense as her eyes sharp as a wolf's. Her naturally reddish lips were triangular in shape and she was also relatively tall.

The intimidating look at first made her extremely nice and generous personality surprising, which always made Chaewon feel like she had won the lottery.

And Hyunjin was there for the same reason as the others: her girlfriend. And to help her mother with the store, of course.

She had missed her cousin ever since she decided to go live with her mother at the beginning of the year, even though she had only managed to go in april. The town wasn’t the same without Kim Jungeun. But the train ticket on her dresser reminding her that they would meet again soon and the news she told her over the phone about her new life in Busan cheered her up. Jungeun deserved to be happy, and she wouldn't be able to do so in that house.

“Oh my, it’s taking forever” Chaewon complained as she stroked Hyeju's head on her shoulder. “Did they say at what time it would start?”

“It’s not even dark yet, what a hurry” she replied, finding it funny, which earned her a playful slap on the forehead.

Hyunjin made a move to get up.

“I even forgot! My mom bought us popsicles earlier. Will anyone want one?”

“I do!” Heejin spoke up. “What are the flavours?”

“I don’t know, it will be in the draw… But the strawberry one is yours.”

“Kiss-up” Jinsol stuck out her tongue, and her gesture was promptly returned.

Hyunjin went down the ladder leaning against the wall and walked in the house, only to come back a few minutes later with what she had promised, narrowly avoiding dropping it and handing it to Heejin to climb back up.

The girl helped distribute them and fortunately that helped make the time pass faster, even though they weren't really bored (they all loved those moments, talking and joking around about everything and nothing at the same time). But that rooftop, being so close to the square, must have been the best spot to see the fireworks and the teenagers were excited to watch. In a small town like that, that was an event.

“So, what are you all going to do tomorrow?” Heejin wanted to know after a while.

“I'm up for whatever” her sister shook her head.

“Believe it or not, there’s nothing…”

"I can't wait for Sooyoung to become the independent girl who lives alone in the group so we can throw parties at her house” Chaewon turned to her cousin. “The ninety six summer is looking fly! Because now there's no more time.”

“Wow, I had forgotten about that!” Heejin put her hand over her mouth.

“You know I'm going to live with my grandma, right?” Sooyoung laughed.

“But your house will be empty, anyway. Nothing stops us from going there” Chaewon shrugged. “If anything happens, your burglar girlfriend could come in and unlock it.”

They all laughed.

Sooyoung felt Jinsol's fingers intertwined more tightly with hers as their hands rested on top of each other, and her smile involuntarily widened.

A few months ago, she had found out the long time studied possibility of the family coming back to Toronto and raising Seoyeon there, an idea that devastated her and she rejected it right from the beginning without thinking twice.

As much as she loved that city and missed her cousin, she had finally built a life there: she had a girlfriend she had been in love with for such a long time and for whom she would move mountains, new friendships, newly discovered places, the start of high school the following year and future traditions alongside those who truly made her feel well.

Of course, it breaks her heart to think that her little sister would be on the other side of the world and that she would see her first steps, first food and first haircut in pictures in the mailbox weeks later, and especially for not being by her side and being her safe place with the parents they had. That was her first thought when she found out about the pregnancy. However, an important point was her recently turned fifteen: college was right around the corner, and the youngest Ha wouldn’t even be old enough for kindergarten.

She would be leaving soon anyway.

And after the decision was made and the birth, the excitement and expectations of the second-time parents, who surprisingly even left the oldest aside for a while, made the process (not easy at all) of convincing them to let her stay easier, and her grandmother was also a great help. Sooyoung also needed to pursue her own happiness, and the decision, although hard, relieved a huge weight on her heart.

She would do her best to see her sister as often as possible, write lots of letters when she learned to read, send lots of pictures so she wouldn't forget her face, and call to see what was the lunch that day at school. Maybe she could even buy a video camera with her allowance and send a few tapes now and then. Everything would be fine.

“It’s about to start!” Jinsol pointed to the sky, cutting her thoughts.

And suddenly, the vast purple expanse of clouds was invaded by the most diverse colors and shapes, which exploded enormously before the attentive gaze of the population. The girls even lay down to watch, trying to avoid a possible stiff neck, the reflection of the lights subtly lighting them. It was exciting, and actually pretty inspiring too: it was the perfect setting for the cycles that were coming to an end and for those that were about to begin. For everyone.

It was their réveillon.

The group remained there even after the sky became empty and silent again, too lazy to go down until they heard Hyunjin's mother's calling for dinner. And after the meal, only Heejin stayed to sleep while the rest began to say goodbye.

“Ah, come here so I can give you back your shirt” Hyunjin pulled Sooyoung by the arm to her bedroom at the end of the hallway.

It was a small room, but its space was well used with the bed on the right end, the desk next to it facing the window also being used as a bedside table and a dresser and wardrobe on the other end. The furniture was all dark wood and the walls were painted navy blue, with posters covering much of its length.

The youngest sat on the edge of the bed with the Power Rangers blanket and watched her rummage through the drawers. Judging by how long it took her, it was clear that Hyunjin wasn't the most organized, and when she finally found it, she grabbed an envelope from the desk and handed it to her friend.

“It’s from Jungeun, it came today” she explained. “She was afraid your parents would find it in the mail and read it.”

Sooyoung took everything that was handed to her with no reaction, after all, they had talked months ago and it seemed like they were on good terms, until she left completely out of the blue. What could Jungeun want after all?

“Did she say what it is?”

“A letter, obviously” she laughed.

She just nodded without insisting on the matter, then stood up and carefully folded the paper so that it would fit in the back pocket of her jeans.

They headed back to the room cordially.

“Does this fit in your bag?” Sooyoung held out the folded shirt to Jinsol, who pressed her lips together.

“Even my lip balm barely fits” she pointed to the shoulder bag that was practically the size of her hand.

“It fits in mine” Chaewon volunteered.

And after even more procrastination, Sooyoung, Jinsol, Chaewon and Hyeju finally left with the same destination. Chaewon and her mother were staying at Sooyoung's house, with Hyeju as a guest for that weekend. And Jinsol, so as not to be alone at home, ended up joining them and took the opportunity to leave her things there early.

No one knew how four girls would fit into one bed, since the guest room was taken. But they would find a way.

“Too bad it’s night already, otherwise we could go to the rental store” Jinsol lamented.

“I brought some tapes in my backpack” Hyeju shrugged. “There must be something that everyone likes.”

“What movies do you have?” Sooyoung wanted to know.

“I gotta see it to jog my memory.”

They turned the corner of the square where another group of teenagers were laughing at god-knows-what and headed to the already crowded bus stop.

It was funny how only warm summer nights could bring people out of their homes like that and make the town seem twice as big. You didn't see this much excitement in october.

And in a matter of seconds, the bus came.

***

At home shortly after, the friendly and already usual fight began over who would take a shower first. The bathrooms in the residence were all suites and the only guest bathroom was actually a lavatory, so the rock, paper, scissors game was between Sooyoung's and the guest bedroom’s, and Chaewon and Hyeju being the proud winners, they grabbed their towels and pajamas and happily headed to the showers.

Jinsol sighed good-naturedly.

“When Hyeju ends, we’ll have to play rock, paper, scissors between us two” she put her arm around her girlfriend as they walked up the stairs. Sooyoung held her hand over her shoulder. “Chaewon takes a lifetime there.”

“She loves hot water” she laughed. “She even loses track of time, and that since we were kids.”

Coming into the room, it was already possible to hear the sound of the shower running. Sooyoung closed the door and held the girl's face.

“But you can go first, okay?” her voice was soft before she met lips with hers.

Jinsol let out a silly little laugh, shaking her head. She wasn't going to deny it. Her arms rested on Sooyoung's shoulders while doing the same, taking the opportunity to curl up a little more.

“Hyeju had the idea of taking the mattress downstairs so we could all sleep in the living room” she recalled.

“Sounds fun. I’ll go say hi to Seoyeon and come back to help carry it, okay?”

Jinsol agreed and promptly began to take off the pillows from the bed to speed up the process and also because she wanted to see the little baby afterwards.

Sooyoung walked towards the pastel pink door with a doll keychain hanging from the handle, which she opened as slowly as possible, trying to make as little noise as possible.

Her bedroom looked like something out of a fairy tale, with extremely delicate white vintage-style furniture, a plush carpet of the same color, the wallpaper an even lighter pink with subtle hearts printed on it, and countless stuffed animals scattered around. Her crib was covered by a mosquito net that gave it an even greater air of “royalty,” and inside was where the house’s little princess layed. Her silence, even when awake, made her go completely unnoticed by the baby monitor.

“You're awake!” the oldest was surprised when she checked on her and saw those jabuticaba eyes open. Her presence made her immediately open a wide, toothless smile.

Sooyoung wasted no time in turning on the lamp and picking her up, settling into the armchair with her on the lap and a teddy bear that talked when she squeezed her belly, her favorite toy. That would probably make her restless and then lose sleep, but that was what older siblings do: play at the wrong time.

Ha Seoyeon was an incredibly calm baby who hardly cried unless it was from hunger or colic and got along well with “strangers”. Her observant and attentive gaze was not the only thing she inherited from her sister, as her cheekbones were marked and naturally rosy and she was also born with hair almost like a doll. The blue jumpsuit with moons printed on it that she wore was a gift from Jinsol, and she mumbled at every sentence the doll uttered.

It was impossible not to have fun with the scene, and for a second, the older girl almost forgot what she had in her pocket.

She managed to grab the envelope without having to stand up and opened it curiously, revealing a pink lined letter stationery with little deers in the corners, written on both sides. Jungeun hated those things, it was probably the only one she had got, and it was even kind of funny to imagine how much she hated writing there.

There was also a picture of her with three other girls on the beach: the first two look a little older, one exuding a more “chic” look and the second had her hair dyed pastel pink, which made Sooyoung’s eyes widen with such rebellion. The last one next to Kim already looked younger, was the most smiley and had long brown hair with bangs.

Despite the half-light, it was still possible to read her sloppy handwriting with a failing black pen, where even Seoyeon had her eyes fixed:

.

For Sooyoung.

I know we didn’t saw each other again after that day, that I left without saying goodbye on a random tuesday, and that you only found out why when you asked Hyunjin (oh, and thanks for your concern!), but I was at the beach a little while ago and thought of you when I saw a guy with a guitar. Remember when you used to play? Before you preferred the piano? I loved to listen.

I always had the feeling that you never took my feelings (or me) seriously. Sometimes it was my fault, sometimes not, but more than the sound of the guitar, I loved you the most. Your company was my happiness for a long time, and if I knew that kissing you would end it all, I would be choking on everything until now because it was good to have you as a friend. You moved on without a care, but I missed you so much that when I saw you under the cherry blossom at school alone, I would walk right by just so you could see me and remember that I existed. It never worked.

When you called me that day, I only managed to sleep after hours with my heart racing (you can't see it, but I laughed while writing that. Like, how could it be, right?). I was already about to move, so I saw it all as a last chance to have you back even if it was just as a goodbye, and that made me take actions that, as much as you doubt it, I'm not proud of.

I did use Jinsol, but for love and she was actually quite fun, especially when she got over that attitude of someone who is meeting an idol or whatever and I respected her a lot. That was why I never kissed her, even though I knew it could make you jealous (how I wish it were for me) and even though she showed that she wanted it at first. I'm no good, but I'm not a monster. We were something not quite labeled between friendship and dating, just enough to get your attention without hurting her too much.

Now imagine my surprise when Jeong Jinsol slapped me to defend you. She didn't say she loved you that way, but I knew it right away, and that's why I convinced her to go after you after you left my house, even though it hurt. I don't know if she told you.

She's a nice girl, take good care of her.

The days in Busan have been, as they say here, sick: my new house is more livable and close to the beach, my mom is decent and even cooks for me, I made two high scholer friends, Haseul and Kahei (the two on the left in the picture) who convinced me to put it all out in this letter, and maybe I like the girl they introduced me to, Jiwoo (the one on the right next to me), and I know she likes me. Isn't her smile beautiful?

This time it's true.

I know Jinsol has an aunt here, and when she and Heejin come to visit, and Hyunjin comes to visit me, come along. I've started surfing, I'll teach y’all how to catch some waves.

We in it.

Jungeun.