Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Briiiiing. Brinnnng.

Awan woke up startled, his hand immediately reaching for the handgun he kept in a hand-me-down nightstand.

If you told him years ago when he was just a boy living on the rez that he’d be in the FBI, in a position of authority with the power to take a life, and actually do it, he wouldn’t have believed you.

While he had extensive experience hunting wild game, he only shot at and killed a human being once before when Nina-

Nina!

He shot up, immediately tossing the covers off of him as he stumbled to the phone in the tiny kitchen of his 1 bedroom, hissing when his foot collided with the wall.

“Hello?”

When he was met with silence, he tensed, hand tightening around the receiver. “Hello? Who is this?”

“Awan…” Awan instantly relaxes at the sound of Nina’s voice.

His mind told him it was because working on such a high-profile case meant he was a target, even if it was only by proximity to Hayes, but the lingering feeling that was beginning to become more apparent in his chest told him otherwise.

“Hi.”

His lips quirk up into a tiny smile. “Hey. How are you?” He pauses, eyes doing a quick scan around the room until they land on the clock on the wall.

It was 1 o’clock in the morning.

Nina would be up in just a few short hours to work out.

The incident with Detective Grant left her shaken up, and although she tried to act like it didn’t, he saw right through it.

If nothing else, he was observant.

He noticed when she hesitated now, how her body tensed up tight with nerves and anxiety, the way she jumped when she didn’t see or hear him approaching, hands clutching whatever, knuckles gripped tight…she was determined never to be caught off guard like that again, and that meant intense cardio and strength training.

If she was calling him at this hour, she must have had an epiphany over the case and needed to bounce ideas off him.

When she doesn’t respond, it makes him pause, worry and concern beginning to set in. And then, he hears it, the distinct inhale of a breath that says this was not a work call at all. 

“I….uh, I'm okay, I guess.” On the other end, he hears her gulp. “I, um…I had a nightmare, and just thought I’d call you cause, you know... you said you were here for me and….” She sighs. “I’m sorry, it’s 1 o’clock in the morning. I know you were probably asleep, I didn’t…I actually didn’t think you’d answer given that it’s so late, so, uh, yeah…goodnight. Again, I’m sorry.”

A deep-rooted feeling surged in his chest, straddling the line between protective and territorial. He often awoke in the middle of the night from his own nightmares, but it wasn’t about taking a life or putting a bullet inbetween Grant’s eyes like he thought it would be, like his own father warned him about right before he left, and yet, it left him with a bone-chilling fear all the same.

In every single one, he was too late.

“I thought I was the one with a bad case of word vomit, Hayes.”

He can hear the smile in her voice. “I figured I’d try my hand at connecting verbally.”

A beat passes before either one speak again.

“You know, you don’t have to apologize. I have your back, remember?”

“Yeah….well, thank you for answering. Goodnight, Bitsui. See you in the morning.”

Awan smiles. “Night, Hayes.”

***

“I have your back, remember?”

Nina waited for the click before she hung up, bringing the phone to her chest.

She frowned. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

Chapter Text

When Awan Bitsui was tasked to pick up the new agent, with only the name “Hayes,” as an identifier, he wasn’t sure what to expect.

He secretly hoped it was another person of color. The weight of being the only racialized man, the only Native man, in the room, was more often than not, a weight he can bear, the strength and wisdom of his ancestors and elders guiding him, but sometimes, it was crippling in a way where he sought relief in a friendly face.

He wasn’t expecting a petite, damn near tiny, Black woman with an afro almost as big as the smirk she was giving him and the energy radiating off of her.

“Not what you were expecting, huh?”

In hindsight, perhaps it was that raw strength, the comfort in vulnerability she possessed to be Black, woman, and proud knowing all eyes were on her and everything, including her very livelihood, was at stake, that first caught his eye.

It’s the same kind of quiet, yet, strong vulnerability he sees when Nina finally returns to the office, battered, and bruised, but alive.

“Bitsui.” She calls out, feigning an air of surprise.  “You’re still here. You didn’t wait for me, did you?”

Yes.

“No.”

Nina raises an eyebrow at him, and he shakes his head, chuckling. “I did, but didn’t. Abbott had some questions, I pretended I had answers….”

“Pretended? Awan, you don’t give yourself enough credit.” She offers him a smile. “None of this would’ve been possible if it wasn’t for you.” She grits her teeth, biting back the pain radiating throughout her entire body. She was alive, thankfully – but sore.

A hot, bubble bath or long, steaming shower was calling her name. That is, if she managed enough energy for the drive home.

 “You saved my life.”

“I was just doing my job.”

“You’re job isn’t to protect me.” Nina quips back, a bit more frustration in her voice than she intended.

Awan remains calm, collected, a mirror of his demeanor when he shot and killed a man for her just a few hours ago.

“It’s my, our, responsibility to look out for each other. As partners.”

Nina doesn’t say anything, just nods, before making her way to her desk, hoping that she’s hiding the ache in her muscles, the stiffness in her bones after being stuck in a trunk for so long, and the several cuts and scrapes from desert rocks and cacti needles.

It almost annoys her when it becomes apparent that she isn’t doing a good job at masking the discomfort, Awan’s steady gaze following her, contemplating, pensive, as if he was saying, “I see you.”

"You ok?”

Nina sighs heavily. “It’ll do me no good to lie, and yes, now would it?”

Awan offers her a soft, albeit sad, smile. “Not really. I’ll just nag you about it later like I do about getting you to try nopales.”

Something in the pit of her stomach felt warm at the gentle teasing. “And how that’s working out for you?”

“There’s still time.” He walks over to his own desk and pulls open a cabinet, fishing a first aid kit and a mason jar out.

“What’s that?” She asks, making a pointed look in his direction.

“Snakeweed oil. You’re gonna need it.” Noticing her confused expression, he shakes his head, feeling a bit shy, not because he was embarrassed of his culture, but because in his culture, snakeweed was medicine, and traditional healing…it was sacred. A ceremony.

He was inviting Nina into a part of his world, and it didn’t make him nervous, as if he knew she’d never mock something that was so personal.

“Medicine. For muscle aches and bacterial infections.”

“Mhm. Has that been in there this entire time? Next to your Superman action figure, you think I don’t know about?”

He didn’t think she knew about it, but he certainly wasn’t going to give her that satisfaction.

He looks away, a faint blush staining his cheeks. “No. When I saw what kind of business we were dealing with, I figured it’d be nice to have, you know.” Awan pauses. “Just in case.”

A beat passes between them, and Nina briefly entertains the idea that something between them just shifted. Weeks ago, they were just two people working together on the same case.

But somewhere in between when she asked him to keep her necklace safe until now, they were no longer just co-workers.

Awan had taken a life for her with no hesitation or second thought. Was it safe to say she saw him as a friend?

He pulls over an extra chair and directs her to sit, his lips tight at the way she eases herself down and winces with every movement.

There it was again, that feeling, the same one that led him to follow her anyway.

A desire, maybe even a need, to keep her safe, but he’d been her partner long enough to know that Nina didn’t care too much for special treatment and feeling like she was a damsel in distress, so he channels that feeling into something else.

“You did a good job today, Hayes.”

Nina rolls her eyes. “I got my ass kicked, Awan. You don’t have to spare my feelings.”

He says nothing, instead busying himself with easing her pants leg up so he can clean up the dried blood and it occurs to him that Nina, his partner, who just so happens to be very pretty because he’s a professional, not blind or an idiot, is sitting inbetween his legs and he’s touching a part of her body that was previously uncharted territory.

He’s only seen her legs once before, when they broke into the psychiatric hospital and she had on that stupid nurse’s uniform. He wasn’t, isn’t, her boyfriend, but he saw how every man there was looking at her, too and the feeling of pride he got over knowing they thought she was his. 

Awan gulps. “Sorry, I probably should’ve asked first. If I can touch you.”

“A co-worker kidnapped me, tortured me, and assaulted me for hours today. I think we’re beyond asking for consent, you know?”

His hand freezes right over her knee, and there it is, again - Nina can practically feel the energy shifting, and the heat radiating from him. She thought she had him all figured out – but in just 24 hours, her understanding of Agent Awan Bitsui just barely scratched the surface. She saw a side of him today that she never expected to come from him. He was so calm, practically shy. Even during the morning rush for coffee and doughnuts, he already secured a steaming hot cup just like the way she liked it before the cart was picked clean. 

She once asked who kept leaving it on her desk and Jessica smirked and said "I can't believe you even have to ask." 

“I get the sense that you’re angry.” Nina offers quietly. She swallows thickly. “Is it with me?”

He shakes his head, rapidly. “What, no. I-“ He takes a deep  breath to steady himself and his nerves. He was angry – but with her? No. No.

“I am angry, but…it’s not with you.” Awan places a band-aid  on the wound before moving to the other side. He winces when he eases the material off and sees that the skin there has been rubbed raw. Sighing, he wets the handkerchief with some of the oil. “This might sting a little bit.” He pauses. “I’m angry that you were right all along, not that I ever doubted it for one second, and…they didn’t believe you."

"I'm angry you were harmed, and if I didn't follow you, would we even be having this conversation right now? Would your mother be grieving her husband and you too? I would be grieving you." He doesn’t say.

"I mean, doesn’t that get tiring? How do you show every single day walking into a place like this knowing they don’t want you here?”

“I can ask you the same question.” Nina kisses her teeth. “There’s moments where I walk into a room and all eyes are on me. From Black men, from white women, everybody. It feels nice coming here and I’m not the only person getting those stares.” She laughs. “I know it sounds terrible, but, yeah.”

Awan smiles. “Honored to be stared at with you, Agent Hayes. Truly the highlight of my day.”

“Ugh, shut up.”

“Bold thing to say to someone who’s literally patching up your war wounds.”