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The sun streamed through the high windows of the small room, lighting up the specs of dust that danced lazily in its rays. Despite the warmth of the summer day, the silence that hung between the two Tal’darim was colder; Var’gash’s declaration had rendered Ri’kara speechless for several long seconds.
Finally, she sat forward, eyes widened in disbelief at the Tal’darim sat across from her. She had to ask, just to be sure she had heard him correctly.
“You’re… Abolishing Rak’Shir?”
He nodded. “Yes. Effective immediately.”
She didn’t know what to say. She tried to resist the urge to play with her cord decorations, instead tracing small patterns on the metal table and frowning in thought. It was almost too good to be true after decades of back-and-forth with…
“May I ask why?”
Var’gash shrugged, his slender hands upturned to the ceiling. “Alarak had been refusing for decades; we were all sick of the slaughter.”
“I see.” Her insides squirmed with what she supposed was anger, dull and barely able to rear its head. Of course they had all wanted it to end. Of course she had been right.
Then, he softened and looked at her in that way that set her on edge; it reminded her too much of Ialdir, too much of Urach, no matter how genuine his intentions. It felt like he was trying so hard to get her to warm up to him.
“It’s… a shame you are retiring before you can see the benefits. If I am to understand correctly, it was because of you that the Chain of Ascension was cut down to only the five of us and the Highlord.”
“… After years of fighting for it, yes.” The little Tal’darim laced her fingers together. “He wanted, at least, to know that appointed council members were the strongest they could be, I suppose.”
“You did all you could. It made it easier for me to get where I needed to be, at least.” He let out a soft, musical laugh. “Though I suppose that isn’t what you wanted to hear; I am worried you just don’t like me.”
Ri’kara looked away, resting her chin on her hand, and suppressing a shiver. “I’m stepping down because I have been doing this for almost a third of my life, Highlord. I think I deserve a rest.”
He leant forward, rested a hand close to her elbow to get her to look at him again. His face was almost pleading. “But why stop now? Why not see it through? Your knowledge is invaluable, Ri’kara, you have been indispensable. I have lived the change you have helped create, and I want to see more, I want you to help me do more.”
It was something she had already grappled with. Var’gash seemed to be good at that, getting to the heart of an insecurity and asking difficult, unwanted questions. She already felt guilty enough for abandoning the cause she had fought to realise for so long.
But she wanted to see if she had a quieter future; she wanted to settle and do something else with her life, try to find some sort of happiness without the Protoss that she… The idea of working with him made her skin crawl, no matter how guilty she felt.
“The changes we made were thanks to your people. If it weren’t for their desire to have better, their constant demanding for him to listen, I would never have been able to do as much as I did, and… I think I’ve done enough.” With a soft sigh, Ri’kara leant back in her chair again, trying to put her cloudy thoughts out of her mind. “I have already given it ample thought, Highlord; you’ll do fine without me.”
“Ri’kara… Please.” For the first time, she saw a little frustration creep into his eyes. “I have done what Alarak could never do. I know you wanted Rak’Shir gone, and yet you seem to hate me; as soon as I ascend, you wish to leave as soon as you can. Does what I did not count for anything? Aren’t you happy that he’s finally out of the way so that we can do more without having to fight for it?”
It took all of her willpower not to turn into a ball of fiery rage as that dull anger suddenly sharpened and took hold of her nervous system. How dare he. How dare he ever imply that she wanted the only being she had ever been in love with in this whole universe gone. How dare he present this as some sort of gift to her, a peace offering that would keep her chained to him.
But of course he couldn’t know that was what he had implied. He wasn’t allowed to know that.
Keeping her tone as level as she could, she fixed her gaze on a scratch in the metal so that she could choose her words without seeing his eyes. “Rak’Shir may have been a point of contention, Highlord, but after fifty or so years, he had settled to the point that it was all we ever really fought over; you saw what else changed in my time working with him, what he was willing to do despite his old ways. I can appreciate that you would be less difficult, but I thought you would prefer having an aide who has none of his influence at all. I have worked with him for long enough that if you appreciate having him out of the way, you should appreciate getting rid of me as well.”
It was only after a short silence, after he drew his hand back out of the view of the corner of her eye and moved back away from her that she was able to look up at him. His eyes were narrowed, searching her face for something. He folded his hands together; she didn’t know if he had found what he was looking for, but he didn’t speak again, not yet.
“And… I resent the fact that you seem to see this is a gift. You know I was never on the chain. I wanted it because I didn’t see the point in the senseless killing, because your people were tired and disillusioned with a practice that had no goal anymore, and I should hope it’s what you wanted no matter what your reason was. I don’t know what you’re trying to get out of me, but don’t try to leverage the bare minimum as a bargaining chip. I’d prefer you just asked what’s on your mind, and I’ll answer if I can.”
“It was what I wanted, and I am not just using this to keep you trapped here. I—” He hesitated but shook his head. “Fine, Ri’kara. I will not push it further.”
Inwardly, the little Tal’darim sighed, pushing down the frustration at the knowledge that he would just keep being cryptic; at least Alarak had always come out with it eventually. “… Thank you.”
“But… will you at least stay to help with this last thing? It could be a bookend to your time as the Highlord’s aide.”
She ran a shaking hand across her crest, letting her face soften even though she didn’t really want it to. “Alright, since you’re asking so nicely. I’ll enjoy drafting up the document, at the very least. After that, I am done.”
His expression shifted again to a sad smile and she had to suppress a shudder at the dread that clawed up her spine. He once again placed his hand near her across the table, as if he was used to pressing his palm to others when he spoke to them. She supposed, looking at his faded red tattoos, that it was the priest in him.
“Thank you.”
She nodded. “Is there anything else you would like to discuss with me, or am I dismissed?”
“I’ll let you go for now, Ri’kara.” He stood gracefully, laughing a little. “Honestly, sitting in this room is stifling; I doubt I’ll ever get used to Aiur’s heat. Is this really what summer feels like here?”
The little Protoss lowered her own chair and stood from it. She couldn’t help but give him a look of sympathy. “I said the same when I first came here. Keep to the shade; we Tal’darim burn easily. And wear loose clothing. I’m sure Enzu will be able to help you adapt.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
With a short bow, Ri’kara turned and left, allowing her shoulders to relax slightly as the door closed. At least he didn’t follow.
Verinis looked down at her, pushing themselves from where they had been leant against the wall.
“Where to now?”
“Just to my quarters; everything else has been seen to for today, I think.”
They nodded, and she began to walk with them down the empty corridor. She counted the curved pillars between the arched windows as she passed them to keep her mind from wandering too far, to try and calm herself down.
For once, the Templar was oddly silent, only their footsteps and the shift of their armour panels keeping the corridor from falling into complete silence.
“Are you… ok, Verinis?”
They shook their head, eyes welling a little with tears. “… Ri’kara?”
“Yes?” Her hearts wrenched in her chest. Never once in all the time she had known them had she seen them look so sad.
“It has been a pleasure to work for you.”
Carefully, she placed a hand on their arm, leaning over a bit to try and catch her gaze. “Verinis… Come on, you won’t miss me all that badly.”
They laughed softly, shrugging their shoulders. “I might. It has been a very long time, after all.”
“It has.”
Another short silence. Verinis shifted their grip on the spear they held and wiped their face with the other, stifling a sob.
“I understand why you feel like you need to go… You and Val’ka, you were—”
She held up her hands quickly, looking around the corridor. “The new Highlord can’t know. He has his guard, or assistant or whoever he is watching; that’s who the spy was.”
They blinked, glancing behind them and nodding. “Oh. I wondered why you had both suddenly stopped going off to take breaks so much. I thought maybe you had a fight, or something, but I did not want to pry.”
“It was to make sure they didn’t think we were any more than acquaintances. They can’t find out we were friends. Even if he is…” She trailed off, trying not to let her eyes well again. “It’s just not worth the risk.”
“I understand.” They placed a hand against her back briefly. “Ri’kara, I know that you were more than that. I am sorry that the Highlord forced him to join in his downfall, I am.”
“I am too. But… The new Highlord is abolishing Rak’Shir anyway. Too little too late for Val’ka, but just in time for the others. They won’t have to slaughter each other anymore, and I consider that a good outcome.”
“I suppose so.”
They both lapsed back into a solemn silence for a while as they made their way out into the afternoon. In the open, the sun was beating down on the flagstones and the metal lining, small waves of mirage turning the air into a soft haze. She wished dearly that she hadn’t needed to wear her uniform; Var’gash had been right about the stifling temperature.
“I just think it’s time for me to move on, anyway. Enzu is capable, I think you’ll like her a lot, and the new Highlord seems to have the best interests of the Tal’darim in mind… Apart from this order, he has actually graced us with his presence, which is more than I can say for how often his predecessor decided to show his face. That’s all I could ask for, really.”
She ran a hand over her crest, sighing a little.
“Besides, it has been almost two hundred years. I think it’s time I did something different with my life. Honestly, I’ve had enough of politics and running around after others; I want to… be selfish.”
“I can understand that.” Verinis smiled. “You have always been so concerned with everyone else for as long as I have known you.” For them, at least, the tension seemed to have gone, but Ri’kara couldn’t get herself to relax and enjoy the walk.
“… Perhaps I’ll get to go to a planet where the sun doesn’t try to melt my skin from my bones.”
“Well, wherever you go, I hope you find peace.”
They made their way into the building she had been living in for so long that walking through the winding corridors and staircases to her door felt like muscle memory. Once there, Verinis bowed.
“I will be out here if you need anything.”
“As always.” Ri’kara smiled at them, bowed her head, and stepped through the threshold into her quarters.
As soon as the door closed, she felt her shoulders sag. The tears that had been threatening to pour out all day began to prick at her eyes again, and she shut them for a moment before sinking to the floor.
The universe must hate me.
The heavy weight of grief once again pressed against her ribcage as she finally began to sob; quietly at first, but louder and louder until she let out an enraged yell at the unfairness of it all, curling up and pressing her head to her knees.
Her mind rattled with the constant pushing from Var’gash, how easily it fed into the thought that she was giving up just because the inevitable had happened. Alarak had died because that was the way of things; it was something that she had always tried to prepare herself for because he had never tried to stop it, and then…
His replacement immediately ensured that it never happened to anyone else. Just like that. She and Var’gash’s people had made it so that it would have been so easy for Alarak to do and he hadn’t. He had died and left her there alone because of his own stubborn pride.
She held on to both cord decorations so tightly that she drew blood from her palm, another yell leaving her almost unbidden, pouring all of the frustration out at once. At least she knew nobody could hear her in there.
Finally, shaking, she wiped her eyes with her bloodied hand and pulled herself to her feet, idly packing a few more of her things into her bags. It was only when the inky purple began to seep into the bedsheets that she finally got some bandage from the washroom cabinet and wrapped it, washing the smear from her face as well.
And still, her mind turned as she went back and arranged all the scraps and trinkets to fit. What had Var’gash really wanted from her? The way he had been pushing, jabbing about Alarak, as though trying to pull how she really felt out.
“What would he even care? The bastard’s dead. Why would he want to know that I loved him? What does he gain apart from knowing he did this to me?”
Ri’kara closed the bag and rubbed her temples, letting out an irritated growl.
“Maybe he just… Respected how I’d fought for them and wanted to make sure he had someone on his side. I guess I am, and I always have been, but… I wish he’d just come out and say what he wants or ask the questions on his mind or something. Maybe I should just tell him he looks like Urach and that’s why I hate him. I don’t even know if he is his father, but the resemblance is…”
With a sigh, she pulled off her uniform, changing into soft robes and going to sit in the sun and smoke incense by the balcony windows. She let the fabric fall off her shoulders and part from her legs so she could take in some of the rays; maybe then she would feel less exhausted from crying.
“I’ll tell him. It’ll be a good excuse. Maybe it’ll get him off my back finally.”