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Chapter Text

“Tickets please.” Astrotrain extended an open palm to the human before him.

His holomatter avatar went down the aisle, carefully checking each passenger's ticket and helping a few of them with their luggage. 

Normally his coaches were sparsely filled, with friends on day trips, families on vacations, and business humans on work assignments. Today however, there was an especially large group of younger humans from Witwicky, who were apparently on a school trip to Faireborn. 

The triple changer wasn’t entirely sure what they were going there to do. The small human population there was nice and the town was quiet and quaint, but nothing ever happened. 

The most exciting thing about Faireborn was probably when it won a world record for the “Largest Carrot Grown in a Home Garden”. 

Astrotrain still had no idea what a carrot was. 

Faireborn was also home to two former Decepticons, but that wasn’t publicly available information outside of the town’s residents. He wanted to keep it that way, for Blitzwing’s sake and his.

He had heard of the Autobot and Decepticon activity over in Witwicky. Something about a human named Mandroid and something about a space bridge. A part of him itched for a fight again, to have screams of fear in his auditory receptors, to crush structures beneath his feet, to feel the recoil and searing heat from his blaster as he pulled the trigger. 

But the thought of seeing his old comrades again drained the fight out of him. Had he gone to Witwicky, he probably would’ve been relegated to troop transport.

Despite the occasional vomit on his carpet and screaming human sparklings running wildly, transporting humans was absolute bliss compared to transporting ungrateful Decepticons. Blitzwing looked at him like he had lost his brain processor when he said grubby oily human hands were tolerable. 

At least the humans were polite and usually thanked him when they got off. Some of them had no clue the conductor was also the train they were riding on, but that was beside the point. 

“According to the intel Hashtag got from G.H.O.S.T.’s systems, there were reports of Decepticon activity in Faireborn,” said one of the Witwicky schoolchildren. “No details beyond that.”

Astrotrain should get an award for how well he avoided veering off the track.

“Maybe the cons there are nice Robby,” said a much younger human.

“Or…there’s something big happening and G.H.O.S.T. was covering it up.” Robby leaned closer to his friend. Or were they siblings? “Maybe there’s some secret Decepticon uprising the Autobots don’t know about, Mo. We gotta look into it!”

If he wasn’t in train mode, Astrotrain would be rolling his optics. The only uprising happening was Blitzwing rallying schoolchildren to destroy their enemies in the upcoming town football tournament.  

“Guess it’s a good time to try out Nightshade’s new gizmo!” From her backpack, the human named Mo pulled out a large handheld device. It had a dish-like attachment on top and a screen that appeared to be some kind of radar interface. 

“The Detect-A-Bot-or-Con 4563?”

The name set off alerts in Astrotrain’s processor. 

“Yeah! With this, we can…” Mo’s face scrunched up as she stared at the device’s screen. 

“What’s wrong?”

A pit opened up in the triple changer’s fuel tanks. 

“It says there’s an energon signature right here on the train.”

At that moment, a flash of lightning sliced through the grey sky, followed by a booming crash of thunder that rattled his heavy plating. It was as if the universe could sense the worry that bubbled in his tanks and the temperature rising in his systems, and chose to completely ignore it and laugh in his face.

##########

Astrotrain was two hours away from Faireborn. He watched helplessly as the two humans entered his cab, unable to make a sound.

He could’ve stopped them with his holomatter avatar, but figured that would make them even more suspicious. That and he also hadn’t mastered his human act beyond uploading 500 hours of train conductor footage into his media folder.

“Self-driving train, huh?” Robby examined Astrotrain's control panel. 

Astrotrain silently prayed to Primus that the child wasn’t familiar with the inside of a regular Earth train, and wouldn’t realise how alien his own controls looked. 

“Hey Robby, check this out!” Mo pointed at the blinking LED light near the triple changer’s throttle. At the same time, unbeknownst to the humans, a notification appeared on Astrotrain’s HUD. 

[Incoming transmission from BLWG-43: Blitzwing]

Before Astrotrain could dismiss the call, Mo pressed the button beside the light, inviting Blitzwing’s gruff voice to burst through the cab’s speakers.

“Hey Astrotrain! When are ya getting back? Mrs Lim keeps telling me you’re long overdue for a clean-up.” Blitzwing snorted. “She says you reek on the inside.”

“I’m two hours away,” Astrotrain sighed before muttering, defeat clinging onto each syllable. Mo and Robby froze when his disembodied voice reverberated in the cab. 

Astrotrain wondered if Primus was even listening to him. 

“Well hurry up! Because now she’s nagging me about how I need to clean my treads. I don’t want her brushes anywhere near m- Hey, I said I don’t need help cleani-” Blitzwing ended the call before Astrotrain could respond. 

The silence that filled the room stretched for what felt like millenia. 

The human girl spoke first. “Mr Astrotrain?”

He activated the holographic projection of his head from his console, glaring at the humans. “What?”

Robby snickered and smirked. “Were you hoping we wouldn’t find anything and go away?”

“Shut up.” He grumbled, thankful that the projection didn’t show the heat that spread across his cheek plating. “Damn my horrible pit-spawned luck for giving me nosey humans as passengers today, who press buttons without thinking.”

“What’s a Decepticon doing carrying humans around anyway?” Robby crossed his arms. 

“Ex-Decepticon,” he pointedly corrected. “What are two sparklings doing breaking and entering a train cab?”

“We have names you know! I’m Mo, and this is my big brother Robby.” Mo puffed her cheeks. “You didn’t answer the question.”

“None of your business. Leave me out of whatever Autobot business you’re up to.” Astrotrain hissed. “The storm’s getting worse so get back to your seats and leave me alone.”

“You’re worried about our safety?” asked Robby.

“You’re my passengers. Why wouldn't I be worried about your safety,” Astrotrain’s digital head bobbed. Robby hummed. 

Just then, Astrotrain’s proximity sensors detected an obstruction up ahead on the tracks. A rockslide had caused boulders to block the entrance to the next tunnel.

“Great. Just my luck.” The trainformer groaned. He made an announcement through the passenger coach speakers that they would need to stop for a while, and thanked everyone for their patience. His holomatter avatar walked through the aisles, trying to calm the humans down. They were understandably angry at the delay, but it wasn’t like he manifested the rocks onto the track now was it?

This trip was really stretching his processing power thin. 

“Out.” With his avatar, he grabbed Robby and Mo and shoved them out of the cab and back into the coach, locking the door after. He paid no mind to their protests. 

Transforming into his bot mode, Astrotrain winced as heavy rain pelted his frame. One by one he grabbed the boulders and chucked them to the side. While his size and strength meant he managed to clear half of the rocks in a matter of minutes, he silently wished he still had his blaster to blow up the rocks instead. 

“Need some help?” 

Astrotrain jumped at the sound of Mo’s voice, staring wide optic-ed as the tiny human sliced open some of the rocks with a retractable blade from her arm. 

“I told you to go back to your seat. And…what is that weapon?”

“It’s a Cyber-sleeve! Robby and I got it from the Emberstone.” 

“Uhhh okay?” 

Her answer only raised more questions and alarm bells in Astrotrain’s processor. But he didn’t want to delve deeper into why a human child was given such a Cybertronian weapon, from Quintus Prime no less. And why she explained it like it was a completely normal thing to happen.

Working together, the giant triple changer and the young girl made quick work of the boulders and soon enough, the tracks were cleared. Mo cheered and offered a high-five, which was unfortunately ignored when Astrotrain grabbed her and transformed back into train mode. There was a loud click as his coupler mechanism reattached itself to the passenger carts. 

“Rude,” she pouted, arms crossed over her chest. 

“Take off your jacket. You're soaking wet,” said Astrotrain. “I had it under control, by the way.” 

When Mo refused to leave the cab, Astrotrain gave up and continued his journey on the tracks, leaving her to sit in his driver's seat. 

The rest of the trip was quiet, just how he liked it. The heavy rain from before calmed down to just a gentle shower. The soft pitter patter of the rain seemed to lull Mo to sleep, her small form now curled up and snoring in the leather seat. 

##########

“We are now arriving at Faireborn station. This is the final stop of the day. Please make sure to take all your personal belongings with you. Thank you for riding with us.” Astrotrain’s disembodied voice travelled through the coaches. 

One by one his passengers alighted, lugging their heavy suitcases and gathering the food wrappers from their lunch. Many of them warmly bid his holomatter avatar goodbye as they made their way to the ticket turnstiles. 

Two stubborn passengers still refused to get off. 

“Sorry for napping here. It was cosy!” Mo rubbed a hand at the back of her neck, looking sheepish. 

“Sorry for bothering you on the job,” Robbie chimed in, sounding slightly less apologetic. 

“Please get off. I need to refuel.” 

“You should come to Witwicky some time! There are loads of Cybertronians there, and I wanna meet Mr Blitzwing.”

“Pretty please with those..tiny red organic fruits at the top, leave me alone.” Astrotrain could feel his processor ache and his systems becoming sluggish after exhausting his energon reserves. He really didn’t have the energy left in his tanks to maintain any conversation. All he wanted right now was to go home, inhale energon and power down.

“C’mon kids, let the grumpy old train rest for the day. Your teacher’s waiting for you,” said Mrs Lim, who entered the cab. She was married to the station master Andrew, and was the human who kindly (or foolishly, in Astrotrain's opinion) offered refuge to him and Blitzwing. 

She winked at Astrotrain's holographic head on the console. He was too tired to school his facial expression into its usual stoic state, so his optics were wide and pathetically pleading at her to throw him a lifeline. 

##########

“Those kids seem nice. You should go visit them sometime.”

“Wh-Huh? What did you say?” said Astrotrain, voice groggy. He had slipped into recharge while Mrs Lim cleaned his cab. 

Sitting in the driver's seat, Mrs Lim wiped down Astrotrain's console, polishing the screens, buttons and grooves that he would never be able to clean himself. When they first met and she saw the grimy state of his internal controls, she kept chewing him out for the next few solar cycles. By the time she was done chastising him, Astrotrain felt as if his plating had been forcibly pried away piece by piece from his protoform, and his cables and wires tied into convoluted knots. 

Mrs Lim was nice, but really intense for a human when she needed to be. 

“I'm almost done here. Why don't you call your boyfriend and he can come get you?” Mrs Lim wrung the cloth in her hands, twisting until all the water was squeezed out and deposited into the bucket below. “I offered to clean him but he transformed and flew away.”

Astrotrain's face twisted in disgust as dark water oozed from her washcloth. He supposed several millennia worth of dirt and grime from an entire civil war wouldn't go away that easily. 

“What's a boyfriend?”

“Someone you love and want to spend time with. Isn't that what Blitzwing is to you?”

The hologram of Astrotrain's head bobbed around as he considered Mrs Lim’s words. “Uhh…I don't know? Do we even need to call it something?” 

“Nah it's up to you two really. I was only teasing.” She smiled and shot him a knowing look, but Astrotrain's face scrunched up further, optical ridge raised. 

At his confusion, she simply laughed. “Andrew was telling me last night how sweet the townsfolk found you both. Apparently some of them saw your little picnic by the field the other day and wouldn't stop mentioning it to her.”

“Decepticons aren't sweet.”

“You're not Decepticons anymore.”

“Ex-Decepticons aren't sweet. And we were just snacking on energon.”

“If you say so,” Mrs Lim gathered her cleaning supplies and patted Astrotrain's console, the triple changer huffing in return. 

After making sure Mrs Lim safely exited his cab, he transformed into his bot mode, stretching out the aches in his joints. He hated how old and weathered his body felt, from the scratches and dents in his frame to the specks of rust that clung to his seams. 

He wondered if Blitzwing knew how to do massages, like the ones the humans on television get.

As if on cue, the booming rumble of a fighter jet pierced the calm afternoon air. Transforming, Blitzwing tackled Astrotrain as he landed, sending the trainformer crashing onto the tracks. 

“Fragger, what took you so long? You said 2 hours!”

“There was an obstruction on the tracks I needed to take care of,” Astrotrain grumbled. 

Mrs Lim chimed in. “He also made some human friends.”

“They were interfering with my job.”

“Mo told me you let her sleep in your driver's seat for the last part of the trip.”

Astrotrain glared at Mrs Lim. Its effect was diminished by the fact that he was on the ground and no longer looking down at her. 

“Gee Astro, you've gotten soft.” Blitzwing stood up, extending a hand to pull Astrotrain up from the gravelly ground. “Why don't you go live with a human instead?” Blitzwing shot him a grin, pointy teeth and gaps from missing ones on full display. 

“Why don't you do that with those humans you play ball with, Blitz?”

“We don't ‘play ball’,” Blitzwing made air quotes for emphasis. “I’m not mushy mushy with humans like you are. I'm training them so they can dominate their enemies, destroy them under their feet and rule over the field.”

“They're sparklings barely the size of your digits.”

“All the more reason they need to learn how to vanquish fellow sparklings. You gotta start 'em young, teach ‘em how to fight.” Blitzwing had his hands on his hips. 

“With football.”

“Exactly.”

Astrotrain shot his fellow triple changer a tired look, pinching the bridge of his nose. Ever since they were free from the Decepticons, Blitzwing had insisted on actually learning the rules of football. Turns out that zone defense wasn't about constructing an elaborate highway maze for unsuspecting Autobots to get lost and get flattened in. 

All of a sudden, Astrotrain felt his knees buckle, before his chassis collided with Blitzwing. An alert appeared on his HUD, warning him that his energon levels were at an almost critical low, and that his systems were functioning at a sub-optimal level. Due to his sheer size and the energy needed to operate in either of his alt modes, he needed more energon than the usual mech. With their current lack of resources, they weren't able to convert enough to fill his tanks to 100% capacity, just enough to operate day to day. 

“Woah buddy, I got you.” Blitzwing caught him, putting an arm around his waist to stabilise him. “I'm gonna take him back now, bye Mrs Lim!”

“Make sure he gets enough rest!” She waved goodbye at the retreating triple changers. “Otherwise not sure how we're going to explain to the visitors that their train won't be operating because he got sick.”

In a moment of pure impulse, Astrotrain shot out his middle digit without looking back, earning an overdramatic gasp from Blitzwing and a wet cleaning cloth playfully thrown at him from behind.

Chapter Text

Sky Above Philadelphia

Earth Year 2003

“Our beloved Megatron has fallen. Naturally, I'm now your new and improved leader.” Starscream declared, each syllable sickly sweet yet coated with his usual insincerity. Megatron had merely fallen into stasis after Starscream had shoved him into the beam of Shockwave’s Immobiliser, whose intended target was the Autobots. 

One of their more humiliating reasons for retreating, Astrotrain noted. It was up there with the time the Stunticons were hit with a Wheeljack invention and were left stuck as a scrambled version of Menasor, with a foot for the head and hands for feet. 

“Doesn't he know the effects are gonna wear off soon?” Blitzwing whispered, sitting next to Astrotrain's console. Astrotrain would have shrugged in response if he had access to his shoulders. 

“Megs is gonna crush you like a tin can when he wakes up,” snickered Skywarp. 

Starscream whipped out the Immobiliser, deftly twirling it between his digits. “If he ever wakes up, that is.” The seeker sighed dramatically as he aimed the device at the incapacitated Decepticon leader. “He really should've been more careful. After all, I-Hey!”

Ravage pounced onto the seeker, knocking the device out of his hands. “Soundwave! Get your mangy mutt off me!” The other Decepticons simply cheered and laughed at Starscream’s distress. 

Is a quiet ride back to base too much to ask for? Astrotrain thought. 

“Negative.” Soundwave monotoned, picking up the fallen device. “Frenzy, attack.”

“Aye aye, boss!” The mini-con unleashed a piercing sonic scream that not only pounded against Starscream’s auditory receptors, but rattled Astrotrain's plating and momentarily glitched his navigation systems and sent static through his HUD. 

“Hey! Knock it off!” Astrotrain growled, hoping his booming voice would put a stop to the rowdiness. But it got drowned out as other Decepticons joined in on the chaos, attacking each other for no rhyme or reason and tossing the Immobiliser around like it wasn't a dangerous weapon. 

He dived down suddenly and began swerving sharply from side to side, in an attempt to jostle his rowdy passengers into behaving. It sent the Decepticons stumbling, tumbling and crashing into each other and into his sides. It hurt and scuffed his walls, but it was a small price to pay to get them to shut the frag up. He’d treat Blitzwing to an apology energon cube later. 

“Fly better Spacebus!” 

“Quit messing around or I’ll blast a hole through your windshield!”

“ASTROTRAIN!”

The shuttle’s laugh echoed and shook the walls. It felt good to be in control, even for just that brief moment. 

In the midst of the fray, Frenzy had gotten a hold of the Immobiliser. She aimed it directly at his console. “Let’s see how you like it when you can’t move.” 

“You idiot!” Starscream cried out, prying himself from underneath Skullcruncher. “Don’t do that while we’re still on the slagging transport!”

“Oops.” Frenzy had already pulled the trigger. 

The paralysing beam spread through his systems like wildfire, shutting down functions one after another. Red alerts flooded his HUD as his view of the clouds ahead stuttered into grainy, loud static. The last thing he heard were the cries of his fellow Decepticons as he descended at top speed and crashed into the ground below. 

##########

The Decepticon Base

Earth Year 2003

When Astrotrain returned online, the ceiling of the Decepticon base’s medical bay greeted him. His massive frame was laid out across three slabs, and there was a cable connected to the port in his left arm, pumping energon into his body.

His systems sputtered to life, self-repair protocols groggily running diagnostics of his various components. Unread message notifications flooded his HUD, mostly colourful curses and insults from the others, blaming him for the incident. Amidst the cesspool was a message from Blitzwing asking how he was, with an added comment that he was going to throw out Astrotrain’s berth and model train collection from their shared quarters to make room for a personal training area if he actually joined the Well of All Sparks. 

“You’re finally awake,” said Hook, whose energon-stained hands were plunged deep inside the intricate wiring of Astrotrain’s right foot, welding cables together. “You have no idea how much of our energon reserves and parts we exhausted just to repair your sorry aft. You’re lucky you’re needed for transport.”

At that moment, Starscream strode into the room, holding a datapad. He sneered at Astrotrain’s recovering form. “Once you’re repaired, be a good little shuttle and head to the hangar. We need to replenish our energon supply for the next attack on the Autobots, so you better do your job properly this time.”

If he had no sense of self-preservation, Astrotrain would’ve leapt from the repair slabs and grabbed Starscream by the throat. But the pain that surged through his frame rendered him immobile and frankly, drained the fight out of him and tempered the rage that bubbled and boiled in his spark. 

The seeker was the one who caused the whole fight to happen, and yet here he was miraculously unscathed, pristine and as annoying as ever. Judging by the absence of the other Decepticons in the repair bay, Astrotrain surmised that his frame had shielded them from any substantial damage during the crash. 

Brilliant. 

Was it wrong of him to want a peaceful ride back to base for once? The ripped metal plating on his limbs and the gashes that tore through his chassis, wings and helm answered with a resounding yes. 

Starscream cleared his vocaliser, waiting for an answer. 

Astrotrain grunted in acknowledgement, like the obedient transport he was supposed to be. 

##########

Faireborn Junior High Football Field  

Earth Year 2021

“Hey Astro! Watch out!” Blitzwing’s voice interrupted his train of thought, before a football came barreling and smacking him square in the faceplate. 

“Ow! What was that for?” Astrotrain rubbed his nasal bridge where the ball had hit him. Blitzwing’s human team was getting way too good at their throws under their new coach. 

Blitzwing came running over to where Astrotrain sat on the grass by the bleachers. “Not my fault you were zoning out and your eyesight is absolute dogshit.”

“Dog what?”

“One of the humans taught me that. Apparently it means something’s really bad?”

“What’s wrong with dogs and how they pass waste?”

“I don't know! I'm not some human… saying maker!” Blitzwing grumbled. “Anyway…you better pull out your stupid binoculars and pay attention to the game. It's their last practice before the big match this weekend.”

“I still don't get the rules. Why is it called a touchdown if they're not touching the ground or falling down?” Before Astrotrain could finish, Blitzwing was already halfway across the field to rejoin his pipsqueak team. 

Astrotrain took out his binoculars, turning the dials until he got a somewhat clear view of the practice match. His optics were, for lack of a better description, worse than Unicron’s expunged waste. 

He could make out shapes and colours, but things like faces and details were blurry unless he was standing two feet away. His GPS and other built-in navigation systems made it so he could still perceive objects and function just fine as a train and a shuttle, but in bot mode he struggled without binoculars. 

Blitzwing had once asked why he never got his optics fixed, but Astrotrain figured they wouldn’t want to spend precious resources on non-essential repairs when it didn’t impede his transport duties much.

The human children sprinted across the field, passing the strangely-shaped ball to each other. They sported helmets and what appeared to be armoured plating underneath their clothes. Astrotrain watched as some of them were tackled to the ground, getting wet mud all over their faces and bodies. It reminded him of the spontaneous fights that erupted in the Decepticon break room, which he supposed was why Blitzwing gravitated towards it in the first place. 

Despite Blitzwing’s incessant complaining about how nasty humans were, even Astrotrain could tell coaching this team had a profound effect on his fellow triple changer. He watched as Blitzwing’s grin never left his face and only grew wider, how he pumped his fists in the air and cheered, how his laugh sounded genuinely happy instead of taking on its usual teasing tone. 

The joy that blazed and radiated from Blitzwing like a freshly-formed neutron star warmly enveloped Astrotrain’s spark, yet simultaneously filled it with a confusing sense of sadness that he couldn’t quite place. 

Transporting humans for the past year had been peaceful. He got to be a train more than a shuttle, the latter of which was tethered to bitter memories of his time as the Decepticon spacebus. 

He was appreciated, he felt useful, and he was essentially his own boss. His current passengers never attacked his inner plating with blaster fire or forced him to take multiple trips without a chance to refuel. 

So why did he still feel like an object sometimes, forgetting he could form independent thoughts? Why did it feel like he was just going through the motions, with nothing waiting for him at the end of the tracks? 

##########

Hours passed and the team were taking a break to refuel. Blitzwing chatted with one of the children’s creators, his hands moving animatedly.

Astrotrain remained sitting on the grass, knees drawn up to his chest. He didn’t want to go over and interrupt, and he wasn’t sure what he would add to the conversation either. 

He thought he had been watching the game alone, but a little girl had taken a seat on the bench next to him without him noticing. She had a paper datapad in her lap, and was writing something with a purple-coloured stylus. There was an opened box of styluses of different colours right beside her.

Astrotrain still didn’t understand Earthling ages, their short lifespans incomprehensible when compared to how long Cybertronians lived. He couldn’t guess the exact number, but the little girl looked to be younger than the children Blitzwing was training, and slightly younger than that Mo girl from the other day. She was maybe…100 years old? 

“What are you doing?” Astrotrain asked, leaning over to peer at her pad.

The girl jumped at his voice and shrunk under the huge shadow that loomed over her, scrambling to hide what she was doing. “Drawing,” she eventually answered softly, barely detectable to his auditory receptors. 

“Drawing what?” 

“You don't wanna see it. It’s not good.” She clutched the datapad tighter against her chest.

Astrotrain lowered the volume of his voice, in an attempt to be less intimidating. “I don’t know much about art, so you’re definitely better than me. Can I still see it?”

The girl looked unsure but eventually relented, holding up her sketchpad as high as possible so Astrotrain could see it. She looked away, seemingly scared of his response. 

It was a sketch of Astrotrain from the side, the purple and yellow of his helm neatly coloured in. 

Astrotrain had no idea why she was so nervous about it, because the art bore a striking resemblance to him. From the uneven nasal bridge and the grooves underneath his optics, to the surly frown etched onto his face, she had captured his likeness.

“I think it looks nice,” he said, watching as the girl slowly looked up. “And I’m not just saying that because you drew me.”

“Really mister?” 

Astrotrain offered her a small, tentative smile. “Yeah, really. Not sure why you drew me of all things, but uh…thanks.”

Her face lit up, her lips curling up into a smile that brightened her soft features. “My name is Marie. I’m waiting for my brother to finish practice.”

“Astrotrain. I’m waiting for Blitzwing, the big purple dummy over there.” That drew a giggle out of Marie and punctured the awkward atmosphere between them. 

They continued to talk about Marie’s art, with her growing increasingly more comfortable. From her favourite colours to what she liked to draw, the conversation distracted Astrotrain from the turmoil that opened up a pit in his tanks. 

##########

“Can’t wait to see Mrs Shay’s face when my team rips hers to shreds!” Blitzwing exclaimed.

“Why do you hate her so much? It’s just football?”

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that.” Blitzwing pouted. “I don’t hate her! We’re just rivals on the field of football. Destined to clash, with only one emerging victorious!” He clenched his fists, raising them in the air.

Night had descended onto Faireborn, shrouding the sky with a dark blanket of glittering stars. The two triple changers were still at the football field, laying down on the grass while drinking energon cubes. 

“Blitz?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you happy?”

“Where's this coming from?”

“Ugh, just answer the fragging question.”

Blitzwing was deep in thought. Astrotrain watched as he swirled the cube in his servo, the pink luminescent liquid glittering as it swished around. 

“I guess I am? I’ve got you, energon and I’m doing something I like!”

“Do you miss fighting Autobots?” 

“Kinda?” Blitzwing sipped gingerly on his cube. “It’s complicated. Why the frag are you asking me this?” 

“It's no-”

“There you both are!” Mrs Lim’s voice cried out from behind them. With her body bundled up tightly in a thick coat, the woman walked up to them, the grass crunching beneath her hiking boots. 

Both Astrotrain and Blitzwing got up, propping themselves up with their elbows as she approached. Mrs Lim was waving a piece of paper in her hands, and seemed annoyed that she was out in the cold at 8pm.

“A letter just came for Astrotrain.” Before either of them could vocalise their thoughts, she cut them off. “I’m just going to read it and go back inside where it’s warm. Andrew's making her special bolognese pasta for dinner.”

The triple changers loomed over Mrs Lim’s shoulder as she began to read:

Dear Mr Astrotrain,

Didn’t know how to reach you, so hope this letter makes its way to you!

We’d love for you to come visit! The Autobots are gonna be out for the next few days on a mission, so it’ll be just us, my brothers and sisters, and my mom and dad. Figured you didn't want to see the other bots. 

We’ve got loads of energon (from Bumblebee’s stash) so don’t worry about snacks! 

P.S. If you’re coming, please bring Mr Blitzwing. Robby wants to meet him! :) 

Signed, 

Mo Malto

“Oooh free energon! And it’s the Bumblegeek’s stash too,” said Blitzwing. “It's probably some fancy schmancy slag and better than what you've been making for me.”

Astrotrain flicked Blitzwing on the nose, earning a feigned cry of pain in return. “The name Malto sound familiar to you?” The trainformer couldn’t figure out where he had heard that last name before. He sifted through the files in his memory banks, but the crude energon in his tanks dulled his processing speed. 

“Beats me.” Blitzwing shrugged. “Human names all sound very similar and don't make sense.”

“If the two of you don’t need me, I've got a pasta dinner waiting for me. Don’t stay out too late!” Mrs Lim shoved the tiny letter into Astrotrain’s palm and left before either of them could respond.

Chapter Text

“It’s been a while since I’ve ridden you as a shuttle. Know you prefer being a train.” Blitzwing sat at Astrotrain’s pilot seat, watching the scenery below speed by. 

The holographic projection of Astrotrain’s head appeared. “Elbows off the dashboard.”

“Fine, fine.” Blitzwing leaned back, propping his pedes up on the dashboard instead. He burst out laughing when the frown on Astrotrain’s face deepened and morphed into a scowl. 

They were on their way to Witwicky as per Mo’s invitation. Astrotrain wasn’t sure if visiting them was the right choice, but Blitzwing and Mrs Lim had insisted. The latter said he needed to “get out more” and actually talk to people besides them and his passengers. Meanwhile, Blitzwing just wanted to be nosey and was over the moon when he heard a human wanted to meet him. 

Soon they arrived at the address Mo provided, a yellow house swimming into view. Astrotrain would’ve preferred exact coordinates that he could input into his navigation system, but at least the child had been kind enough to attach pictures of what their dwelling looked like. 

Next to the humble home was a red farm house, and outside were a group of small Cybertronians. He couldn’t recognise any of them, even after sifting through his memory banks. 

Blitzwing leapt out of Astrotrain, hovering in the air before landing in front of the gathered group. Astrotrain followed suit, his heavy pedes causing the ground to shake and some of the Cybertronians to lose their footing. 

“Woah Robbie and Mo were right, he’s HUGE! Bigger than Optimus or Megatron!”

“Fascinating, this is the first time I’ve encountered a bot large enough to transport another.”

Astrotrain felt like shrinking underneath their scrutinising gaze. The younglings were simply curious, but their stares made him want to dig a hole and crawl into it. 

Before and during the war his size was a source of immense pride. He remembered bots cowering in fear as he loomed, structures toppling with ease as he crashed into them. Those rare moments where he was more than a parked transport waiting for the fight to end, and was instead a valuable towering terror that sent others running.

Now his size meant needing to crouch or hunch down awkwardly whenever speaking to a human, and becoming the prime target of Earth avian creatures. His whole frame shuddered at the thought of cleaning droppings out from his seams. 

Clearing his vocaliser, Blitzwing spoke. “Uh, we’re here to see the human Mo Malto?”

“You’re here!” Mo came running out of the house, with Robby in tow. An older woman, presumably their mother, followed close behind. 

It was then Astrotrain realised, with mounting dread filling his tanks, where he had heard of the name Malto.

“You!” Astrotrain and the woman cried out in unison. 

###########

Witwicky Shipyard, Pennsylvania

Earth year 2006

Engaging his blasters, Astrotrain fired on the humans and Autobots below. His energon levels were low but victory was within reach. Optimus Prime was injured and the human soldiers, despite their bravado and thundering bluster, were beginning to realise that they were outgunned. 

It felt incredible. The rush of wind as he dove down. The blast of heat after he destroyed the human army’s armoured vehicles. The screams when the humans realised there was nothing they could do. 

Astrotrain laughed, taunting at the humans that stood right in his flightpath, who were about to become smeared blood and meat. His laser guns whirred as they charged up, and he committed the terrified faces of the humans to his memory banks. 

“Dorothy!” Megatron yelled. 

The triple changer heard the sound of an alt mode being scanned and of metal plating shifting. The next instant he felt a barrage of missiles hit his hull, and saw a silver osprey hot on his tailfin. 

###########

“Wait, you two know each other?” A little red flying bot spoke. 

The human woman shot Astrotrain with a stern look. “Kids, remember when we told you the story of how Megs got his Earth alt mode?”

“Oh oh oh, the one where he had to go after a huge flying Decepticon to save y-” A taller purple bot chimed in, her optics widening in realisation and pointing at Astrotrain. “That’s him!”

Wings ripped from their hinges. The feeling of Megaton’s fist colliding with his helm. The taste of energon on his glossa as one of his former leader’s missiles tore through his shoulder. The auditory receptor-splitting screech as Megatron slammed and dragged him face first through the rubble. Images played in his memory banks, the sounds, sensations and smells all flooding back to him. 

Without thinking, Astrotrain held onto Blitzwing’s servo, their fingers lacing and interlocking. He gave Blitzwing a squeeze, and felt the rising panic in his spark dampen somewhat when Blitzwing gave a reassuring squeeze back.

He hated how small he felt at that moment. 

Astrotrain wanted to leave. He had overstayed his welcome the moment he arrived, if the younglings’ wary gazes were anything to go by. 

His transformation cog activated on instinct, metal plating folding and collapsing until he became a shuttle once more. 

“Astro, wait!”  

He flew away before anyone could stop him. He’d treat Blitzwing to an apology energon cube later. 

##########

Astrotrain sat on the grass, drawing his knees up to his chest and resting his helm on top. The area looked like a makeshift obstacle course, probably for the young bots back at the Malto household. He stared at the expanse of green that sat before him, watching as the wind blew through the grass and made the flowers sway. 

He felt something wet swipe against his right pede. Looking down, he saw a brown and white Earth animal nuzzle against him. Besides dogs, cats and birds, Astrotrain hadn’t learnt the names of the other common animals that populated the planet. 

“Hi. What’s your name?” Opening his palm, he lowered his servo and allowed the animal to climb up. He brought it up so it was at optic level with him.

His greeting was met with silence. The creature simply stared up at him with its large black eyes. 

“Not much of a talker are you?” Astrotrain frowned, optic ridge raised. He brought the animal closer to his face, which led to it licking him. Why did Earth creatures like putting their glossa on others so much? 

“I see you’ve met Fluffy Ears.” Dorothy Malto approached him from behind, taking a seat next to him on the grass. She had a bottle under her arm and was dragging a wheeled storage container that came up to her waist.

“Mrs Malto,” Astrotrain muttered. 

“Ranger Malto. When my babies told me they met a Decepticon train on their field trip, I knew there was only one con it could be.” She twisted the bottle open and took a few sips. “Imagine my surprise when they said you were actually nice to them. The last thing I remember was Megs saving my platoon from you.” 

She undid the latch of the container, opening it up to reveal rows of tightly packed energon goodies, reminiscent of the ones he used to have on Cybertron. “Here. Bumblebee’s been perfecting his recipe, heard it’s pretty good.” 

Gently, Astrotrain placed Fluffy Ears back on the grass, patting her on the head before picking up the container. 

“How much damage did Megs do to you that day?”

“He tore my wings, ripped off half of my face and flattened my pedes. He shot missiles through both my servos.” He munched on the treats. They were chewy and sweet with just the right amount of glucose crystals. A burst of liquid energon spread across his mouth when he sunk his denta into their gooey surface. “I couldn’t move for the next thirty days because they had to rebuild my limbs.”

“Good,” said Ranger Malto without hesitation. 

Astrotrain was beginning to understand why Megatron and her were friends. 

“How were…your troops?” He asked tentatively. 

“They’re all fine. Injured and terrified, but otherwise fine thanks to ol’ Megs.” ‘No thanks to you’ was left unsaid, but Astrotrain still heard it loud and clear. 

“Okay.” According to his chronometer, only minutes had passed. But the ensuing silence stretched for what felt like an agonising eternity. The only sounds left were of Astrotrain's slow chewing, the ranger’s sips and Fluffy Ears’ grazing. 

“What's bothering you? Besides seeing a human you tried to kill again.”

“What makes you think something’s bothering me? It's none of your business anyway.” He was disappointed to find that he had finished all the goodies and had nothing else to occupy his processor with. 

“It's written all over your face.” 

“There's writing on my face?” Astrotrain reached up to touch his facial plating. 

The human laughed. “It's an Earth saying. It means it's obvious what you're feeling right now.”

“That's stupid. Why not just say that then?” Astrotrain frowned. 

“Blame it on how the English language evolved then. I see you trying to change the subject.” Ranger Malto continued. “If my kids want to keep looking for dangerous rogue Decepticons, I might as well assume that this visit won't be your last. And that means understanding what I'm looking at here.”

Astrotrain studied her face. The difficult thing about reading humans was the lack of an emotional field. Besides their tone of voice and body language, there was no other way to parse what they were feeling. She seemed genuinely interested in what was bothering him, even if it was out of concern for her children instead of an actual concern for Astrotrain himself. 

Sighing, he hugged his knees closer to his chest. “Sometimes I just… feel like a thing.” 

He took her silence and raised brow as his cue to keep going. 

“Being a train for humans is fine I guess, but am I really just destined to just be a transport for the rest of my slagging life? During the war, the only reason they kept welding me back together was because they still needed me to fly them to places. If I wasn't a living taxi they would've left me to rust in pieces a long time ago.” Astrotrain took a sharp intake. “The times when I got to actually fight and destroy stuff made me feel like I was more than my alt modes. But I'm not a Decepticon soldier anymore, I'm just a fragging choo choo train.”

As if sensing his mounting distress, Fluffy Ears approached him, nuzzling his pedes once more. With a finger, he carefully patted her on the head. He could feel Ranger Malto’s eyes on him. 

“Blitzwing’s got a whole football team he's training. He's good at it and he's having a blast. I'm happy he's happy, but it also just makes me feel like slag. And I feel like a bolthead for feeling like slag seeing other bots’ happiness.”

He continued petting Fluffy Ears, smooth metal rubbing against soft fur. 

“Ugh don't know if I'm making any fragging sense.” Astrotrain looked down at the human. “Wish I didn't have a brain module or a spark, so I could just be the dumb transport I'm supposed to be. Then I wouldn't have to deal with my sick processor.”

When he finally finished, Astrotrain felt like paint stripper had been poured all over him, his inner circuitry laid bare. With each second that passed waiting for the ranger’s response, the regret of letting out his feelings continued to fester within him, wrapping its tendrils tightly around his spark. Any lingering shred of fear or wariness the human had towards him definitely fell away along with his gruff facade. 

“If Blitzwing likes football, what do you like?”

“...I don't know. Trains I guess?”

“Maybe it's time to find something else you like? Besides what you do in your alt mode.” The human’s stern face from before was now replaced by something softer. “There must be something out there.”

“I saw this human kid doing art. It looked interesting. I don't know if I'll like it though.”

“Then you can start there.” Ranger Malto finished her drink, capping the bottle and placing it next to the empty food container. 

“But I can't see properly and I don't think there's a pad big enough for me.”

She hummed. “I think my kid Nightshade can help you with both your problems.”

“What if I'm not good at it?”

“Do you have to be good at it?”

Astrotrain huffed in annoyance. “Of course you do! If you're not good at something then why do it at all? I'm good at transporting bots and cargo and it makes me feel useful.” 

“A hobby doesn't have to be something you're good at.” She looked up at him with what appeared to be pity and (surprisingly) kindness. It made him feel sick. “As long as you like it, or it makes you feel good, then that's enough.”

Astrotrain replayed her words in his processor. There was a modicum of truth to it, as much as he hated to admit it. He wasn't sure how to respond though, especially after laying his spark bare like that. 

“Have you told Blitzwing about all this?”

“No. He doesn't need to deal with my scrap.”

“If the two of you are as close as I think you are, then he would appreciate you telling him.”

“What are you, some processor doctor for sad war bots?”

She smirked. “Nope, just a mother of seven.”

Astrotrain groaned, momentarily burying his helm in his palms. “Thank you...for the advice. And for listening.” He looked down at her, wringing his servos. “Sorry for…sorry for attacking you and your troops.”

“You're welcome.” She picked up the bottle and packed up the container. “Apology acknowledged, but not accepted. I'd be a hypocrite if I stayed mad at you, but I'm not ready to forgive you just yet.”

“That's fine. I-” At that moment, Blitzwing barrelled into Astrotrain from behind, sending him crashing face-first into the muddy grass. The tank-jet triple changer’s booming laugh forcefully punctured the diminishing tension that clung to the air. 

He wanted to get up and yell at Blitzwing, but at this point he was too drained to care and simply laid on the ground. 

“So this is where ya flew off to- uhhh…Astro?” On top of his fellow triple changer, Blitzwing poked and prodded at Astrotrain's helm. “You dead buddy?”

Astrotrain stayed completely still. 

“Guess he finally joined the Well of Allsparks. He didn't live long enough to watch the big game.” Blitzwing frowned, mirth coating his every word. 

He sighed dramatically, draping himself over Astrotrain's motionless form. “Here lies Astrotrain of Polyhex. Pistonhead, choo choo brain, berth hogger and forever grouchy spawn of a glitch.” 

Blitzwing choked out a fake sob, wiping an imaginary tear from underneath his visor. 

“He leaves behind his tiny energon stash and all his possessions to the much-more-handsome Blitzwing, who will sell his model train collection to human train geeks onli-Hey!”

Without any warning, Astrotrain flipped over and held Blitzwing down, grabbing fistfuls of mud and dumping them on the triple changer’s face. “You're such an overdramatic idiot.” Astrotrain snorted, and accidentally let out an aborted, choked-off laugh that he hurriedly stopped before it could fully begin. 

“An overdramatic idiot that made you laugh for the first time in months.” Blitzwing smirked. He looked ridiculous with mud and grass all over him. 

Astrotrain frowned, but could feel the edges of his lips twitch upwards. 

Ranger Malto cleared her throat, causing the two dirt-covered bots to look up. “If you two are done, come back to the house and get yourselves cleaned up. And then we can talk about glasses and bot-sized art materials.” She chuckled as she walked in the direction of the Malto’s farm. 

“Glasses?” Blitzwing grinned. 

“Mmhmm.”

“Art materials?”

Astrotrain nodded. 

“Can I be your first model?”

“I'll try my best to capture your ugly mug.”

Blitzwing pouted. 

##########

Astrotrain could feel the expectant gazes of Blitzwing and the Malto family as he put the optical correctors on. 

Colourful blurs and undefined shapes morphed into crystal clarity. He could see the scuff marks on Blitzwing’s chin, the bird on the tree several feet away, and the fluffy clouds that slowly drifted in the sunny sky. 

“How are you finding them?” The green youngling named Nightshade asked. They had subjected Astrotrain to several eyesight tests to determine how bad his optics actually were, and how his correctors needed to be constructed and calibrated. 

“They work.” Astrotrain was almost rendered speechless. “Way better than my binoculars actually. Thanks.” 

“Even at their highest settings, your binoculars could only ever approximate the appropriate optical correction for your optics.” Smiling, Nightshade explained, their optics lighting up. “These custom made spectacles, on the other hand, are made with your vision in mind.”

“I'm gonna miss the binoculars.” Blitzwing leaned on his shoulder. “But at least I still have something to make fun of you for. The glasses make you look even more like a nerd.”

The Malto children giggled as Astrotrain sharply elbowed Blitzwing. 

“One more thing!” Nightshade pulled out a large datapad and stylus, perfect for Astrotrain's huge servos. “These are still works in progress, but they should function similarly to human drawing tablets. I've pre-installed some programs you can use as a start.”

“Oh! Um thank you…so much. Not sure how I can repay you.” Astrotrain frowned, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“If you don't mind, I would love to study your internal schematics and how they work. I've never met a triple changing transport bot before.” Their optics brightened as they explained. “Would love to understand how fuel consumption works for you, especially considering the drastically different workings of your alt modes.”

“Uhhh sure? As long as it's just scans and you're not…uhhh prying me open.” Astrotrain stammered. 

Nightshade beamed, their smile annoyingly warming Astrotrain's spark. 

The rest of the afternoon was spent testing Astrotrain's new glasses, with Blitzwing asking him how many fingers he was holding as he flew further and further away. 

Astrotrain also tried drawing for the first time. Blitzwing demanded volunteered to be his first subject, but after 5 minutes he started to whine about Astrotrain being too slow. Eventually Mo and Robby offered to take his place, and were much more patient as Astrotrain fumbled clumsily with the settings of his art program and kept accidentally drawing on the wrong layer. 

His linework was shaky and too thick, and the proportions of his subjects were off. It was a crude start, but Astrotrain found that he liked it. It was something that he made, and it was liberating doing something that had no correlation with how he was forged. 

Astrotrain and Blitzwing left Witwicky that night with containers of jam packed with Bumblebee’s energon goodies (the Maltos would explain everything to Bee later). Hashtag, the tall purple bot, had asked for their comm link frequencies, adding them to her database. Jawbreaker, an orange dinobot, had asked Blitzwing if he could come watch his big game, to which the triple changer excitedly agreed. 

On the trip home, human rock music blared from Astrotrain's speakers. Robby had put together a curated playlist of songs when he heard Blitzwing off-handedly remark how boringly quiet Astrotrain's rides were, since the shuttle would rather focus on flying than talk. 

“Hey Astro?” Blitzwing asked while nibbling on the energon treats. 

“Yeah?” Astrotrain's disembodied voice echoed through the halls. 

“Are ya happy?”

Minutes passed before the shuttle quietly answered. 

“I think I will be.”