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Josephine’s mother had advised her that the toddler phase would be one of the more difficult times of raising her children. Of course her mother had advised her of many things that had ended up not being correct, Josephine had assumed that this would be no different. After all, Josephine and S’vari were more than capable parents and Josephine would see to it that she did not raise children who would behave so poorly.
Josephine had been so wrong.
Raising two-year old twins felt akin to raising two differently yet equally cantankerous cats, with the ability to scream.
Josephine would have never imagined that she would end up having to bribe her children with baked goods in order to make them behave in front of guests, nor did she imagine that she would be up in the middle of the night making chocolate pudding in an attempt to make them sleep. Yet those very events had come to pass in the last week. Twice.
As for this wonder of a day, Josephine had spent all of today chasing her daughter through their estate while she screamed her head off. Meanwhile, S’vari had spent her day trying to talk their son through a brand-new fear of birds after he locked himself into their closet.
The twins had also attempted to start a food fight with each other at dinner, leading to Josephine having with spaghetti sauce in her hair and S’vari taking a baked potato to the face.
But now, finally, the twins were asleep in their beds. It had taken three stories read by Josephine, one in Tradespeech, Antivan and Elvhen, while S’vari hummed a dalish lullaby, but asleep they were.
Josephine and S’vari crept out of the room as quietly as possible, with Josephine saying a prayer to Andraste, the Maker and S’vari’s gods too, that the twins would not wake up.
A prayer finally received it seems as Josephine was able to close the door behind them.
Josephine stared at the door to the nursery, frustration welling through her veins.
Maker’s breath, she felt as though she was losing control of her own life.
Surely she should be able to parent her children, parenting children was the one thing women were supposed to be able to do effortlessly, an ideal passed down through all of the heads of House Montilyet. Which Josephine had to manage on top of her children.
Gods above, she was so tired.
A gentle hand found her own, lacing their fingers together. S’vari.
Josephine looked up at her wife. Her poor wife looked just as exhausted as Josephine felt, dark circles under her eyes, raven black hair knocked askew, it even seemed like the green vallaslin on her cheeks seemed duller.
But there was a small smile on her lips as she gently tugged Josephine down the hall, in the direction of their bedroom.
A smile that Josephine did not have in turn, she was fairly certain that a frown had etched itself into her face by now.
But she let S’vari drag her away regardless.
As they got to their private quarters, S’vari unlocked the door and gestured for Josephine to walk in first. Josephine raised an eyebrow at her wife, but nonetheless followed her direction.
As Josephine walked into the room, a waft of heavenly scent flooded her senses, carried through the air on a current of steam.
Their bedroom had a bathroom on suite, one with a tub that Josephine had ordered specifically to fit two.
Said tub had been filled with piping hot water, with one of Josephine’s favorite scents dropped into the water.
Almost immediately, Josephine could feel her shoulders start to unclench and relax.
”I thought we deserved a break.” S’vari murmured, closing and locking the door behind her.
She took Josephine’s hand and pressed a kiss to her knuckles.
“Is this alright? If you’d rather just go to sleep, I can drain the tub.”
Josephine pulled her wife close, wrapping her arms around her waist.
”This is perfect, my lady. Truly.”
S’vari gave Josephine a relieved smile, and pulled her into a gentle kiss that made Josephine’s heart ached from the tenderness.
“Shall we?”
The two helped each other out of their respective toddler-beleaguered clothing as they prepared for the bath.
S’vari ensured that the two always remained connected as they undressed, whether it be the touch of her lips to Josephine’s bare shoulder, or her hand on Josephine’s hip as Josephine stepped into the tub. A constant physical affirmation of S’vari’s presence.
S’vari stepped into the tub after Josephine, sitting behind her and coaxing Josephine to lay back.
They fit so well together, Josephine marveled as she tucked herself into S’vari’s shoulder, with S’vari reaching up to run her fingers through Josephine’s hair as she did.
It had been so long since the two had a moment like this to themselves that she had forgotten that.
Forgotten how right she felt with S’vari beside her, forgot that her wife had this way of settling the part of Josephine that refused to quiet for anyone else.
It was as if time itself took a breath and came to a pause. The world melted away, leaving just the two of them. Together.
S’vari’s lips found Josephine’s forehead, another moment of tenderness.
Josephine reveled in the touch, eyes drifting shut as tension continued to drain from her body.
“I’m sorry today was such a bad day, vhenan.”
Josephine let out a small huff of disgruntlement.
“Bad day feels like an understatement, my love.”
S’vari chuckled, the laugh resonating through her chest just under Josephine’s ear.
“Tomorrow will be better.”
“I am starting to doubt that.” Josephine sat up, frustration once again finding its way under her skin. “I have been ambassador for the Kingdom of Antiva, ambassador and chief diplomat for our Inquisition, I have negotiated peace between Orlais and Fereldan, and hundreds of other feats of diplomacy and reason that most people can only dream about. Yet I cannot seem to manage our own children.”
Josephine rubbed her temples, feeling a headache starting to come on.
S’vari reached out to put a soothing hand on Josephine’s shoulder, thumb rubbing circles into the knotted muscles beneath her skin.
”You were working with adults. Not children, despite how some of them acted. It’s just a difficult age. It will pass. Painfully, but it will pass.”
”I feel like a terrible mother.” Josephine admitted quietly. “Like I’m doing everything all wrong, and I am going to irrevocably fail them in some manner. And they’ll grow up hating me, and I will deserve it. ”
That was a sentiment that had been rattling around in her mind for the past several days, etching itself into her very bones.
S’vari sat up and wrapped her arms tightly around Josephine, palm flat against her stomach.
“Do you remember last month, when they both came down with a summer cold, how you were up all night holding them in your arms and getting yourself sick because they didn’t want you to leave? And how each night and every night, they want you to be one of the last people they see before they sleep. Every morning they come running to find us. When they have nightmares, or something scares them, they come running to us. They would not do so if you did not make them feel safe, if you did not make them feel loved. And you love them with everything you have. You are a wonderful mother, vhenan.”
Josephine leaned back into S’vari’s embrace, letting her wife’s words soothe her soul. Josephine did know all of that logically, but hearing someone else, especially the other person she was parenting with, say that meant the world to Josephine.
S’vari had a way of knowing exactly what to say when Josephine needed to hear it.
Josephine looked slightly over her shoulder, reaching down to cover S’vari’s hand with her own.
“So are you, my love. And a perfect wife.”
Her sweet love actually blushed at that compliment, a bright smile spreading over her cheeks.
”I love you, Josephine Montilyet.”
Josephine turned herself around enough to kiss her wife sweetly.
”And I love you, S’vari Lavellan Montilyet. Bellanaris.”
S’vari’s grin grew even bigger.
”Bellanaris.”