Archive of Our Own ^beta

Yushi is not sure how it happens. One moment he’s paying attention to class, and the next one his mind is drifting and drifting away, until the thought appears on his mind akin to a pop-up window on his screen—if his brain were a figurative screen, that’s to say. It’s uncalled, it’s sudden. It’s completely out of nowhere. Yushi feels like he’s been struck by thunder lightning because it’s electrifying and from one second to another Yushi can’t think of anything else.

He can’t keep doing this. He can’t keep his feelings to himself anymore.

He knows he should be paying attention to the ongoing oral presentations—the teacher did mention that they’d be considered during the test, and Yushi doesn’t want to fail. However, Yushi’s head hasn’t been able to contain anything related to the Cold War during the past 10 minutes. Instead, his eyes are glued to the person speaking in front of the class.

He’s standing tall and relaxed, speaking with the confidence of someone who loves History class and spent days studying for this presentation. Yushi likes the tone of his voice, even when he’s not processing what he’s saying. He’s a proper boy. A role model. A smart class president who can only offer warm smiles to anyone who ever crosses his path. Silently, Yushi wonders if he’s idealizing him a bit too much—maybe Daeyoung is just that perfect.

Maybe that’s why from one second to another Yushi feels like his chest is swelling, about to burst with the intensity of his emotions. It’s pathetic. The tip of his ears is red just from listening to him. Yushi feels like dying, this is terrible.

Daeyoung is so damn cool. Yushi likes him so much, he doesn’t know what to do with his feelings. What could Yushi do to make someone like Daeyoung spare him a glance? It’s all so mortifying.

“I can’t do this,” he mumbles out of nowhere when Daeyoung moves to the teacher’s laptop to change the slide. Riku is explaining something now, and Sion turns around to look at him with a subtle frown on his face.

“What’s the matter?” His friend shout-whispers before pointing at him as a warning. “You can’t leave me, Ushi-yah. Not again.”

“Eh?”

“Isn’t this about our presentation?”

Yushi blinks at him. Right. They’re the group that comes after the current group presenting; Yushi should be focusing on that instead. The last time they had to present in front of the class Yushi got so nervous that his mind went blank and Sion had to cover him during his parts. It was quite embarrassing, but, hey, in his defense, everyone knows that he gets nervous when he has to speak in public! Oratory is not his strongest skill, okay? (Shit, he had kinda forgotten about that. Now he’s surely getting nervous.)

However, he’s been so focused on staring at Daeyoung that he momentarily forgot that they had to present the information they gathered about their topic. So—

“No, it’s not about that.”

Sion’s frown deepens, even more confused now. He takes a quick glance at Riku in front of the class, like he’s sorry he can’t pay attention to him, and then looks at Yushi again. Because, above all, he’s Yushi’s best friend, and he must be there for him, even if his friend decides to have an emotional breakdown in the middle of History class.

“Then, what is it?” Sion keeps shout-whispering, he’s not even subtle.

But Yushi doesn’t say anything. Instead, he keeps his eyes glued to the whiteboard, as if he hadn’t been the one to start this conversation. He tightens his lips into a thin line, all while he feels the way his ears burn. It just takes one second of Sion observing him to connect the dots.

Yushi has never been exactly subtle hiding whatever’s inside his mind. He’s stupidly transparent, like a clear glass, and for someone like Oh Sion, reading him is extremely easy.

“Ohh. Okay.” Sion’s expression morphs into a devilish smirk. Yushi’s lips tighten, trying to maintain his composure. “I see how it is, Ushi. I get it.”

“Oh my god, shut up.” Yushi mumbles, trying not to look at his friend.

“You started it.”

Yushi doesn’t say anything for a few seconds. Sion hasn’t stopped grinning at him, pushing his face even closer to Yushi’s personal space because he’s annoying like that.

“What’s the thing you can’t do, then?”

“I need to do something,” Yushi finally admits. “I can’t hide this forever.”

“Do something like a move?”

Yushi nods, letting out a soft nervous exhalation.

“I think you should just confess.”

Sion says it like he’s not aware of the bomb he just dropped. His entire demeanor is relaxed, and he even leans back on the backrest of his chair. Yushi finally whips his head in his direction and stares at Sion like he’s just gone crazy. Confess?! Yushi?! No way. He won’t do it. Anything but that. Sure, Yushi feels like his feelings are suffocating him and every time Daeyoung is in front of him Yushi feels like he’ll die, but he’s not ready. He’s never done anything like this before. He can’t just go, stand in front of Daeyoung, and tell him how much he likes him.

He needs to come up with something else that has the same effect. Something that’ll show Daeyoung that Yushi is interested in him, without making Yushi embarrass himself. Maybe something that makes Daeyoung look in Yushi’s direction and notice that he’s there. He can’t be direct—not yet. It’s hard because Yushi can’t contain his feelings within him anymore and he needs to let them out, but he’s also way too shy and afraid of rejection for that.

“You say it like confessing is easy.”

“It kinda is, actually.”

“You only say it because you have a boyfriend.”

“How do you think I got one?” Sion retaliates, and Yushi doesn’t know how to argue with that. Sion is right, anyway. The two of them turn around to look at the two boys finishing their presentation. Riku catches Sion’s eyes and smiles at him, softly—Sion’s own smile widens in response, and he’s practically glowing.

Maybe Yushi feels the slightest pang of jealousy after witnessing the exchange. His eyes drift in Daeyoung’s direction now, but Daeyoung doesn’t notice; he is too busy looking at the teacher. It’s kinda stupid, if he’s honest—why did he fall in love with his best friend’s boyfriend’s best friend?

The teacher calls their names, interrupting their conversation. Yushi feels like he’s being struck by a bolt of electricity, like someone’s yanked up his body from underwater. They’re next—he must stop thinking about Daeyoung. There are more important things at hand. He forces himself to remember that.

The last thing Sion says before walking to the front of the class to open their PowerPoint in the teacher’s laptop is that he’ll send him some links that helped him get with Riku.

🍫. . .

(That day, at night, Yushi opens the links Sion sent him. He claimed that this dude gives a bunch of amazing love advice. WishGPT. He specializes in that. Sion talks so highly about him because he followed some of the tips on WishGPT’s channel when he was trying to woo Riku. They worked, but if Yushi is honest, he’s sure anything would’ve worked. Riku would’ve said yes to Sion anyway because he’s always been down bad—but he’s not the one to judge.

Still, sitting at his desk, Yushi takes his time scrolling through the YouTube channel. WishGPT has quite a lot of videos—Yushi clicks on some of them, watches only halfway through it, and then clicks another one.

Just like that, an entire hour passes by. It’s the innocence in him—the naivety and the curiosity of doing something for the first time. He’s moved only by the sheer intensity of his feelings. A big part of WishGPT’s content is just a bunch of nonsense and crap, but Yushi has never confessed to anyone before, so there’s nothing wrong in trying to gather some ideas.)

🍫. . .

Yushi decides to start with something subtle. As subtle as can be. WishGPT mentioned that a great way to demonstrate interest and availability is by showing the other person that you can be there for them whenever they need it, which translates to paying attention to their needs and offering help whenever they need it. So, Yushi decides to do just that.

It’s not actually hard for him because his crush on Daeyoung is sustained by the admiration Yushi feels for him, but also by the constant anticipation of being noticed. He’s used to staring and waiting silently for something. Yushi is used to just paying attention to Daeyoung’s movements—this part of the trick is part of his routine.

Yushi tries to act nonchalant about it, so it’s not evident that it’s all pre-meditated. When he hears Daeyoung behind him muttering that he can’t find his pen, he turns around with a questioning expression, like someone who heard him without intending to.

“Do you need a pen?” He asks casually, and Daeyoung’s face immediately lights up in interest.

“Yeah, I lost mine. It was a new one.”

“I can lend you one if you want to.”

“Really?”

Daeyoung’s expression is so bright. It’s almost like his eyes are sparkling, like a puppy who’s been promised treats. Yushi is trying sooo hard to be normal about this. His face may be as impassive as ever, but the truth is that he’s melting on the inside—so damn cute. Still, he keeps the act and nods his head like this entire conversation is just an afterthought. Carefully, he opens his pencil case and grabs a pen before extending it into Daeyoung’s direction.

“Here,” he says, as if he hadn’t bought a bunch of school supplies just in case he could lend something—anything—to Daeyoung.

It might make him look desperate, but Yushi is a man on a mission, okay? No one has to know the lengths he’ll go to make this work.

“Thank you so much, Yushi. I keep losing my pens, so I always have to buy new ones—this one was new, I only bought it on Tuesday! I don’t know why I’m so reckless with my stuff,” Daeyoung giggles in embarrassment. He’s rambling, although he always does. Yushi has noticed that.

Yushi just smiles at him in silence, all gentle because he likes hearing the sound of Daeyoung’s voice, especially when it’s directed at him. When Daeyoung giggles, Yushi catches a glimpse of his snaggletooth.

Ultimately, Yushi’s silence makes Daeyoung grow self-conscious. He looks down and clears his throat.

“I’ll, uh, I’ll give it back to you by the end of the class,” Daeyoung says, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand. He’s not looking at Yushi anymore, seemingly embarrassed.

“You can keep it.”

With that, Yushi turns around and starts completing his worksheet, all while Sion stares at him with a raised eyebrow. But Yushi doesn’t care. He thinks he was really cool back there. He’s putting his plan into action seamlessly; like this, Daeyoung will notice him sooner than later. It doesn’t matter if his hands are sweating, his heart is thumping like he ran a marathon, and his ears are absolutely red.

Yushi continues grabbing opportunities like that. The next time it happens, they’re in P.E. The teacher had them running laps as a warm-up, and even though the class just started, they’re all panting and drenched in sweat. Yushi is a bit unaffected, unlike Sion who looks like he’s been spurt with a hose. Next to them, Riku taps a towel to his forehead to wipe the sweat off his face, and Daeyoung bends down with his hands on his knees, all while he keeps gasping for air.

“Mr. Choi is insane,” Daeyoung mumbles.

“It wasn’t that bad,” Yushi replies mindlessly with his hands on his hips as he looks in another direction.

“Not everyone is the star of the soccer team like you, Yuu-chan. Some of us are simple mortals.” Riku teases him, punching him on the arm. It’s so embarrassing, but Yushi simply shrugs. Riku is also quite athletic, so his words make no sense in Yushi’s ears. Then, Riku turns around to look at Sion, and, with a pout and his whiniest voice he says: “Jagi, my legs are shaking.”

“We should sit down, baby. I feel like dying.”

The four of them approach the wall to sit on the floor. Yushi makes the attempt to sit next to Daeyoung, but, unfortunately, the two of them end up in opposite extremes. It’s a bit awkward; Sion and Riku are in the middle, and they’re acting like they’re in their own bubble. It makes Yushi feel a bit alienated. However, the moment Daeyoung mumbles that he feels on the brink of dehydration, Yushi throws himself over both Sion and Riku, successfully interrupting them, and extends his bottle of water.

It’s probably an exaggeration. Daeyoung always speaks like that: big gestures and great hyperbole ingrained in his speech. Although Yushi is well aware, it doesn’t stop him from showing Daeyoung that he cares and that he’s not willing to let him die in the middle of P.E just because their teacher is a bit mean sometimes.

Daeyoung stares at him in silence for a second. He raises his eyebrows in surprise, like he wasn’t expecting such gesture from Yushi, who’s currently blinking at him while he tries to ignore the uncomfortable position he’s in—he can feel the muscles on his lower back tightening.

Yushi barely catches Sion snorting next to his ear—Riku slaps his thigh, even though there’s a smile expanding on his own face.

The silence stretches for a bit too long. Yushi keeps blinking at Daeyoung in a silent plea to simply grab the bottle. Finally, a subtle smile appears on Daeyoung’s face. His eyes become impossibly tinier. Yushi feels himself sigh in relief when he returns to his original sitting position.

“Thank you,” he says. It’s clear having an audience makes him shy, especially when Sion and Riku are grinning from ear to ear, making evident that they definitely know something. But Yushi doesn’t notice the subtle shade of pink on Daeyoung’s cheeks because he’s too busy looking away, pretending that this is not a big deal. Daeyoung takes a sip from the bottle, avoiding Sion and Riku’s eyes. “Do you mind if I drink it all? Sorry, I’m really thirsty.”

Yushi shakes his head. “Go ahead.”

It’s so stupid. He knows Mr. Choi won’t let him go to the bathroom to refill his bottle until the next break. But it’s fine. It’s not Yushi’s fault to be a bit stupid sometimes.

He keeps going at it. Yushi doesn’t know when it should be enough, so he just keeps going. It doesn’t matter if he’s being extremely obvious even though he’s trying so hard to act nonchalant about this. If Daeyoung comments that he’s feeling hungry, Yushi will buy him a packet of jelly during recess. If Daeyoung mentions that he’s feeling hot, Yushi will casually open the window next to his seat, even though Sion glares at him because the classroom is growing colder and the wind makes him shiver. If Daeyoung mentions that he’s feeling tired, Yushi will ask if he wants a massage on his neck. Yushi tries to stay close to Daeyoung all the time, just so he doesn’t miss any moment in which Daeyoung could need help.

That shall do, right? At this point, there’s no way Daeyoung hasn’t noticed Yushi. That should be enough to make Daeyoung look in his direction. Sometimes Daeyoung smiles at him—always sweet—and caresses the back of his head. It makes Yushi shiver, like a cat getting petted for the first time. He hopes Daeyoung doesn’t misunderstand the way his entire body stiffens the moment his big hand comes into contact with him—the way he quickly retrieves it suggests otherwise, though.

One day, Daeyoung misses class during the morning. He has to attend a student council activity. When he comes back after lunch, Yushi overhears him asking Riku if he took notes for him during the morning. Sheepishly, Riku mentions that he really tried, but he actually fell asleep during Literature. Yushi knows he shouldn’t be prying on other people’s conversations, but he can’t stop himself from turning around and offering his notes. His handwriting isn’t actually neat, and Yushi isn’t exactly a bright student, so his notes are probably messy; however, he still places the offering like the jumbled letters in black ink in his notebook are enough to demonstrate Daeyoung that he’s ready to offer him his poor-excuse of a teenage heart.

At that moment, Riku starts laughing.

It’s not ill-intended, and it’s clear the laugh bubbles out of his chest before he can even control it. He looks like a mischievous imitation of Hamtaro—Sion always compares them. His eyes are tiny and up-turned, like this is so funny to him. And, for the first time, Yushi feels self-conscious. This is the first time he feels like maybe he’s overdoing it.

Is he, though?

“Why are you laughing?” Daeyoung asks his friend. He’s also giggling, even though he doesn’t even know what’s so funny, and his laugh mixes with Riku’s squeaks.

Riku shakes his head in response. “You’re so oblivious.”

“Oblivious to what?” Daeyoung tilts his head, it’s very puppy-like of him.

His question only makes Riku laugh harder. “Do you really don’t get it?”

“Get what?”

“How cute Yushi is.”

“Uh?” Daeyoung’s laugh starts dying down, like he’s not sure he’s following Riku’s train of thought. Riku is so blunt. Daeyoung’s ears get red, and when he glances in Yushi’s direction, Yushi feels like he’s been put in the spotlight against his will.

This is sooo embarrassing. He wants to die. He should say something, but when he opens his mouth, nothing comes out of it. His mind is blank, and the only thing he can think about is that he crossed a line and maybe he did too much. He’s so self-conscious he wants to disappear.

“Uh.” He mutters awkwardly. “Are you gonna copy my notes or not?”

He’s so awkward, it’s actually painful to watch. Riku stares at them like they’re quite entertaining, though; his personal soap opera. Daeyoung is quick to nod his head, snatching Yushi’s notebook from out of his hands before Yushi decides to change his mind.

“Is this okay? You’re really nice to me.”

Yushi should act cool. He should wink and say something along the lines of if it means helping you, it’s always okay or there’s plenty I could give you if you ask. A killer shot. That’s the kind of stuff WishGPT says in his videos. He just needs the confidence necessary to pull WishGPT’s moves. Unfortunately, he still doesn’t have it.

Instead, Yushi escapes from the scene as fast as he can, mortified. He mumbles, “Give it back when you finish, okay?” He’s not even sure if Daeyoung heard him right considering how soft his voice is sometimes. Then, he turns around and buries his face in his hands. His entire face feels like it’s been set in flames.

Later that day, Sion forces Riku to apologize to Yushi and pats his back reassuringly. He tries to tell Yushi that he doesn’t need to force the opportunities. They’d come to him naturally, anyway. If it’s supposed to happen, it will. But Yushi is so embarrassed that he wants to disappear and not talk to Daeyoung ever again in his life.

It’s a fail. Kind of.

🍫. . .

(Later that day, Daeyoung wonders why Yushi stopped talking to him all of a sudden. From his seat, he stares at the back of his neck pensively, but Yushi never turns around. He doesn’t even look at him when Daeyoung returns his notebook, and Daeyoung wonders if he did something wrong.)

🍫. . .

Yushi decides to stop forcing the opportunities to happen. If there’s anything meant to happen between Daeyoung and him, it’ll occur naturally and without Yushi trying to pull the strings. He won’t embarrass himself anymore—he’s set on that. No more fooling around.

So maybe that’s why Yushi thinks it’s a godsent signal when he spots Daeyoung just when he’s getting out of soccer practice after school. By this time, the school should be much emptier. It’s a bit late in the afternoon, class finished a few hours ago, and not many clubs hold their meetings this day of the week. There shouldn’t be many students longing around, and yet Yushi still manages to bump into Daeyoung.

Yushi is still wearing his gym clothes, his black bag hangs from his shoulder, and his body feels a bit worn-out from practice. He wants to reach home, take a shower and crash his bed; his legs are sore from all the running and kicking they did today. But it’s fine. Yushi enjoys soccer very much. His mind is elsewhere—their upcoming match, how to get better at corner kick, the kimbap he’s going to absolutely devour when he reaches home—when he spots Daeyoung’s back near the school entrance.

It's not hard to recognize him. Daeyoung is quite tall and lean, and Yushi is a bit too aware of his existence to mistake the sight of his broad shoulders, long neck and neat haircut from the back. Daeyoung is wearing his uniform, and he’s staring at his phone like he’s waiting for something.

Yushi wonders if he should approach him. Maybe he’s waiting for someone else and Yushi shouldn’t bother him. Maybe he’d think Yushi is weird for coming to him out of nowhere—what if Daeyoung already thinks Yushi is weird and obsessed with him!? Hell, no. He tries not to look too much, avoid showing that he’s paying attention to Daeyoung’s every movement because his tall figure is too hard to ignore for someone like Yushi.

However, the avalanche of thoughts that suddenly swarm his head comes to a halt the moment Daeyoung lifts his head and looks directly at him. There’s a warm smile on his face, and Yushi’s heart skips a beat. Did he get noticed? Daeyoung starts walking in his direction and—wait, no, this wasn’t part of the plan!

“Hey.” He says. Yushi gulps. “Just finished practice?”

“Uhm. Yeah.” Fuck, he’s so awkward. Tokuno Yushi, say something! “What are you doing here?”

“I study here too, Ushi.” Daeyoung bursts out laughing. His laughter is loud and explosive, and it resonates against the walls of the empty hallway. His eyes crinkle and one of his hands—big palm, long fingers—comes to slap Yushi’s shoulder as if this were the funniest thing in the entire world and this is the first joke Daeyoung hears in his entire life. “You’re so funny.”

A rather shy smile morphs into Yushi’s face, all tight lips and wandering eyes.

“That’s not what I meant.” Yushi finally corrects, his voice a bit tinier in embarrassment. “Why haven’t you gone home? Class finished a few hours ago.”

“I’m part of the music club.” Daeyoung states, although he makes a short pause before clarifying: “Actually, I’m not part of the club, but they asked me for help once and I’ve been helping with stuff since then, so I’m practically part of the club by now.” Daeyoung giggles, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand like he’s not used to bragging about his skills. “Oh! And it’s raining and I don’t have an umbrella, so I’m waiting for, you know, the rain to pass.”

Yushi finally takes a glance outside, beyond the glass door in front of them. The rain is pouring strongly, and for a moment he wonders when the weather got so bad. He’s pretty sure it was cloudy in the morning, but it didn’t seem like it could rain. Maybe he should start paying attention to the weather forecast more often.

So, he’s stuck in a predicament. He could leave, waste his opportunity to spend more time with Daeyoung, and get rained on—but he would get home quicker. Or he could stay with Daeyoung, waiting for the rain to pass while getting closer to him—but there’s a higher risk Yushi could embarrass himself, and that’d be awful.

“It doesn’t look like it’ll pass soon, though,” Yushi murmurs.

He stares at the rain outside in silence. He’s merely wearing a pair of baggy black sweatpants, a thin blue t-shirt and a track jacket. If he leaves like this, he’ll surely get sick. Daeyoung is staring at him like he’s the most interesting thing in the world, expectant to see what’s his next move. Yushi decides to stay with him. The moment he’s about to speak and announce that he’ll wait too, Daeyoung opens his mouth, like he’s just decided for the both of them, and his decision makes Yushi’s heart jump in his chest.

“Do you wanna walk home together?”

The invitation comes out of the blue. Yushi has spent the entire week trying his best to avoid Daeyoung as much as he can. He knows acting like that won’t bring them closer, but anytime he’s next to him Yushi can’t help but feel self-conscious—like he’s just going to say something wrong, or worse, be stupidly obvious with his crush to the point where he’d just look pathetic. It’s not his fault that his self-control weakens whenever Daeyoung is in vicinity. So, of course, his brain nearly short circuits at the thought of walking home alone with Daeyoung—especially when it’s Daeyoung the one taking the initiative.

Yushi stares at his sneakers in silence for a second. Daeyoung is looking at him, patient as he waits for his response. He looks like he’s about to open his mouth and take back his invitation, seemingly interpreting his silence the wrong way. Daeyoung furrows his eyebrows, barely concealing the worry that comes from thinking that he asked the wrong thing. He looks like a pitiful puppy. Yushi would think he’s cute if he wasn’t too busy panicking.

Just then, he replies in a soft voice. It barely comes above a whisper, full of shyness. “I don’t have an umbrella either, though.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Yushi finally looks up. Daeyoung is smiling at him. “I wanna walk with you. You’re right—it doesn’t seem like it’ll stop anytime soon, and I’ve already been waiting for 20 minutes.”

“We’ll get soaked,” Yushi comments, like it isn’t the most obvious thing in the world. Just then, an idea pops up in Yushi’s head. His eyes open a bit wider, and he rushes to take off his track jacket under Daeyoung’s curious eyes. “But we can cover with this.”

“Are you sure? You don’t’ mind your jacket getting wet?”

“It’s something, at least.”

Yushi extends his jacket for Daeyoung to hold from one side while he adjusts his bag in his shoulder and grabs the other end with the tip of his fingers. Like this, the jacket covers their heads, working as a shelter that can protect them from the heavy spring rain. It’s not that cold, but the rain definitely makes the weather seem chillier. The droplets hit the nylon with a subtle thrum that’s only drowned out by Daeyoung’s quiet humming.  

They step outside and start walking in a comfortable silence, but the only thing Yushi can think about is the sheer proximity between their bodies, the tiny shelter of fabric forcing them to squish themselves closer. He can feel his own bare arm grazing the skin of Daeyoung’s. It sends a thrill down his spine, and the tiny hairs in his skin stand electrified. Yushi’s heart is racing. Daeyoung’s body irradiates heat, and Yushi can’t help but wonder if Daeyoung is way too aware of the heat coming from Yushi’s sweaty body too.

Suddenly, he feels an arm circling his shoulders. Daeyoung is pushing him much closer. Yushi’s body stiffens up. Quietly, Daeyoung apologizes, saying that this way they can walk more comfortably and fit better under the jacket. Yushi shakes his head—he’s tired of sensing that Daeyoung walks on eggshells around him; it’s only because he can’t help but be awkward as hell. He must show interest. He must tell Daeyoung that he’s attracted to him even if it’s in subtle ways.

WishGPT never posted advice on what to do if you’re stuck walking in the rain with your crush.

“I didn’t know you were part of the music club,” he says out of nowhere.

Daeyoung’s humming ceases. When Yushi turns around to look at him, he finds that Daeyoung is already looking in his direction. Their faces are a bit too close. Yushi knew that Daeyoung was tall, but he never noticed the extent of their height difference. Daeyoung has to look down in order to look him in the eye, and it makes Yushi’s guts churn. Like this, he can clearly appreciate the moles on his face—on his cheeks, under his lip—and the twinkle of his dark eyes. He can feel the way his own ears flush, and while he wants to look away, he can’t help but stare. Ultimately, it’s Daeyoung the one who ends up smiling and shifting his gaze to the road in front of them.

“I’ve been playing the piano for them, so they can have some sort of accompaniment when they’re rehearsing. I don’t really sing, but they’ve asked me to sing with them a few times too.”

“Have you been helping them for a long time?”

Daeyoung chuckles, shaking his head. The movement makes the jacket on top of their heads shake a little too.

“Not really. I think I started last month.”

“How come we’ve never bumped into each other before? I always finish practice around this hour.”

Daeyoung chuckles again. His shoulders shake against Yushi’s. When he speaks, his voice becomes a bit more quiet, like he’s confessing something that makes him shy. Fog comes out from his mouth alongside the words. Yushi listens attentively. His eyes are glued to Daeyoung’s side profile, but Daeyoung doesn’t look at him this time.

“We usually finish earlier, before soccer practice ends at least. But today…” He pauses, taking a sharp inhale as if to prepare himself. “I decided to stay around a little longer.”

He doesn’t explain himself any longer, and Yushi is left to wonder whether he’s interpreting this the right way or maybe he’s just being too hopeful. Did Daeyoung stay around hoping this would happen, too, or was it just a coincidence? Or was it just because of the rain? It could be. Maybe it’s simpler than Yushi’s naïve heart wants to believe. Still, if it were just a coincidence, that wouldn’t explain the sudden shyness overcoming Daeyoung’s voice.

They switch the topic. Casual, Daeyoung starts asking questions to Yushi now. He’s curious about everything, and he never stops talking. Yushi likes it, he doesn’t mind answering his one hundred questions as long as he can still hear Daeyoung’s voice directed at him, so close to his ears. He asks when he usually has soccer practice, the time it usually ends, since when he started playing soccer, his position, his games, his teammates, whether Mr. Choi becomes more of a tyrant when he’s in coach mode. Yushi answers every single one of his questions, and before he can even notice, they stop walking.

The rain is still falling over their heads, although a bit softer now. When Yushi takes a glance at the road in front of him, he’s met by the familiar sight of the fence of his very own house—wait a moment, did Daeyoung just walk him home?

Their conversation comes to an end. The silence stretches and they’re still standing under Yushi’s now soaked track jacket—Daeyoung’s arms must be sore after walking like that for so long, holding the jacket over their heads. None of them makes the first move to depart, and for a second the only thing filling the air is the sound of the rain against the asphalt. It should be easy. Yushi is cold in his short-sleeved t-shirt. He should just turn around in his sneakers, say goodbye and get inside the homely heat of his own house.

And yet.

He turns around. Not in the direction of his house, though, but he turns around to stand in front of Daeyoung, who looks at him attentively. When he speaks, Yushi has to tilt his head up a little bit—really, since when is Daeyoung so tall?

Now, the sensible thing to say would be something like thank you, hurry up on the way home so you don’t get sick, or something of that sort. However, Yushi can’t stop thinking about the intimacy of the moment and how he doesn’t want to depart just yet, and that maybe this is an opportunity. Maybe some superior being threw the rain at them just so they could walk home together and Yushi could have the perfect scenario for a confession. He’s seen it in movies—umbrellas abandoned on the floor while the rain keeps soaking the main characters as they look each other in the eyes, their breaths mingling together as they bare their emotions for one another.

(WishGPT did post a compilation of confession scenes on his channel for everyone who wanted to grab some inspiration. Maybe Yushi watched it a few times even though he’s never been a fan of romance movies. He tries to remember the lines uttered by the actors in them.)

He's still looking up. Daeyoung is still extremely close to him, in the same way he’s been for the entire time they were walking together. This time, though, Yushi swears he can feel his warm breath hitting his face—the space under the shelter of his track jacket is so cramped. Daeyoung’s eyes are stuck on Yushi’s face, darting from his eyes down to—

Yushi should say something.

“Daeyoung,” he starts, voice soft and meek. “I think…” He can feel his very own breathing shake in nervousness. His heart is thumping on his chest, so loud it feels like it’s going to crawl up his throat. “I think we should stop being friends.”

Daeyoung’s expression immediately falls. Instead, his eyes open wide, and he raises his eyebrows, and he’s so expressive in his surprise that he looks like a wounded puppy and Yushi doesn’t understand, so he decides to rewind a little bit and—oh shit.

He wasn’t supposed to say that. Not like that, at least. He was supposed to say that they should be more than friends, not whatever this was. Did he mess up? Wait, scratch that. Of course he did.

 “W-what?” Daeyoung asks, voice tremulous, and Yushi feels like burying himself alive.

“I- No! I was, uh, I was joking.” Yushi’s chest heaves in and out. He’s so damn embarrassed, how come he keeps embarrassing himself like this? “Maybe you should go.”

“Did you mean it?” Daeyoung is still looking at him like that, and Yushi feels like the worst person alive. He can’t just clarify what he meant because he doesn’t have the guts to confess anymore. The sudden rush of adrenalin already left his voice, and he already ruined the entire mood.

Yushi can’t look at Daeyoung anymore. He turns around, finally about to enter his house.

“That’s not what I wanted to say.” His voice comes rushed, all the words mixing and crashing on one another. “Just go. You can take my jacket.”

He doesn’t even wait for Daeyoung to reply. He can’t even search for a reaction. Instead, he rushes his way inside and closes the door behind him, not even checking if Daeyoung started walking home or not. Yushi sighs in defeat, his back resting against the door. He wants to disappear.

Just like that, Yushi is left agonizing on his own. It’s a fail, again. How many times can someone embarrass themselves?

🍫. . .

(A few minutes later, Yushi’s phone jolts with a ping! Lying on his side with his eyes closed, Yushi blindly seeks for it; his hand moves over the covers of his bed until he finally finds it. He unlocks it. The brightness of the screen hits his face in a way that should be uncomfortable, but Yushi is too busy opening the notification to worry about that.

A message from Daeyoung.

I arrived home :) Thanks for lending me your jacket.

It was nice walking with you.

Yushi’s heart trembles inside his chest.

Another ping! This time, it’s a cat reel—tiny animal drenched under the rain. It’s random, out of the blue. The message that comes after says: look, it kinda reminded me of you. Yushi can’t help the smile that spreads on his face, all teeth and whiskers.)

🍫. . .

Yushi is left waiting. It’s an exercise on patience. It’s not that he thought his relationship with Daeyoung could change after they walked home together under the rain. Maybe it was an illusion of intimacy—the perfect scenario pushing them closer, forcing them to speak in hushed whispers and shared fog coming from their mouths, mingling together under the cold. Maybe he actually ruined it, and Daeyoung, as oblivious as ever, actually took his words by heart: the request to stop being friends, even though Yushi is not entirely sure if they qualify as such anyway.

However, even though their relationship remains as it’s always been—bound to be friends in law, forced to hang out just because their seats are close to one another and their friends are painfully in love—Yushi can’t forget that they’re still tied by something. He hopes Daeyoung remembers, too, that he owns something from Yushi, something that’s not his heart, which he owns too. That’s why Yushi remains waiting.

And, while he waits and basks on the thrilling sensation of ever-present anticipation, Yushi allows himself to fantasize. He repeats the scenes under the rain over and over again in his head, like a video set to play on loop. Each time, he changes the ending, as if it were one of those assignments in Literature class. Sometimes he imagines that Daeyoung actually kisses him in the rain, or maybe that he gets to extend his confession the proper way and Daeyoung reciprocates his feelings. Sometimes he even dares to imagine that it becomes part of the routine: Daeyoung waits for him after soccer practice so they can walk home together, hand in hand, maybe even under the blazing sun.

So, Yushi waits. He waits and fantasizes about a hundred things, and while he makes his way to the gym with his bag slung on his shoulder, he wonders if Daeyoung would ever watch his games. If Daeyoung were in the audience, would Yushi try harder in the field? Maybe Daeyoung could stay during practice and cheer for him, and then they could go home together.

It's only a part of his fantasies.

Until.

Yushi sees him on the bleachers of the gym. Practice hasn’t ended, and the coach has them practicing corner kicks. In full honesty, Yushi still thinks he sucks at that, but maybe that’s why Mr. Choi is so adamant on having them practice. Yushi actually has to look twice, and he nearly misses the whistle blow to kick. He makes sure it’s not an illusion, and yet he still has to remind himself that he’s in the middle of practice and he should keep his head in the game.

But then practice ends, and Yushi knows he should approach Daeyoung right away, just to make sure he doesn’t slip from between his fingers like rainwater; however, he still wants to make himself presentable enough. He rushes to the locker room to wash himself and change into his clean school uniform. He doesn’t want Daeyoung to think he’s filthy or something. Then, when he’s done with that, he makes his way to the bleachers, trying to look more nonchalant than he feels like.

Daeyoung is still there. Waiting, too, just like Yushi’s been doing for the entire week. He’s scrolling on his phone with his earphones on. When Yushi is close enough, he makes out a piece of white fabric on his lap, folded neatly. Yushi’s heart skips a bit.

“Hey,” he says to call his attention.

Daeyoung lifts his head and takes off one of his earphones. There’s a soft smile on his face, it takes over his features naturally, and the gesture is so swift Yushi wonders whether Daeyoung notices that he’s smiling like that. Even though there’s some distance between them—at least 4 steps between one another, Yushi calculates—it still manages to melt something inside his chest.

“I was waiting for you.”

Yushi wonders if Daeyoung is aware of the effect of those words on him. Does he even notice what he does?

“What for?”

“I wanted to return your jacket.” Now, Daeyoung stands up and gets closer to him. Yushi can’t take his eyes off of him. “Thank you so much. It was very kind of you.”

“It was nothing,” Yushi mumbles staring at his feet, always humble. Daeyoung is so close that he can’t even get himself to make eye contact. He misses the way Daeyoung looks at him, all soft, like he thinks Yushi’s modesty is endearing.

“Do you wanna walk home together again?”

Yushi lifts his head, surprised. He wasn’t expecting this. He thought Daeyoung would give him his jacket and then leave, he never considered that maybe Daeyoung is looking for excuses to hang out with him too—that the real reason why it took him so long to return the piece of clothing is because he was deciding on how he should do it to make it worthy.

Dumbfounded, Yushi nods in silence. There’s nothing he wants more than to walk with Daeyoung again and listen to his myriads of thoughts and questions. They exit the gym together.

He doesn’t have to fantasize about Daeyoung watching him during soccer practice to then leave with him anymore. Luckily, it becomes routine.

🍫. . .

Yushi thinks he’s doing well, thank you very much. Sure, he has embarrassed himself a few times, but it’s part of the process. No one said he’s supposed to take big laps; baby steps are just fine. The unfortunate thing about this, however, is that he’s the only one who thinks this. Sion, albeit encouraging, makes a terrible job at holding his laughter whenever Yushi recalls his past encounters with the boy, and Riku keeps telling him that Daeyoung is way more oblivious than Yushi thinks he is, which only means that he should try harder.

The problem is—isn’t Yushi trying hard enough already? Sometimes he walks home with Daeyoung after soccer practice (and sometimes Daeyoung even visits the gym to wait for him in the bleachers before practice ends!), he keeps following him around and he’s still doing him as many favors as he can think of on a daily basis. At this point, Yushi has become the in-real-life definition of ‘acts of service’! Not to mention that any time Daeyoung is in his vicinity Yushi stares at him like his own chest aches at the thought of not having him yet. How is that not enough?

Nevertheless, Riku insists that Yushi still needs to go one step further and that he can’t stay in his comfort zone forever. They should go on a date. A proper date. But Yushi doesn’t have the guts to ask him out yet. He may do anything as long as Daeyoung asks him, but going on a date together sounds like it’s too much, and Yushi is too much of a chicken to feel ready for that. The mere thought makes his legs shake and his hands get all clammy.

Yushi claims that they already spend a lot of time together at school and they even go home together sometimes. Plus, they keep sending cat reels to each other, and every notification makes Yushi’s heart flutter. He’s quite content with that. He doesn’t want to imagine how it’d be if they were to start going on dates—it’s not necessary, not yet at least. That’s how Yushi tries to convince himself while Riku and Sion try to convince him that they need to start spending more time together outside the school setting and that the change of scenario will definitely pull them closer.

That’s why it’s not much of a surprise when Riku and Sion start intervening. It’s subtle, at least that’s what they think it is. Daeyoung doesn’t notice what they’re doing, but Yushi catches it right away—something impressive for someone as slow as him, really. It starts with a casual conversation about doing something after school because they haven’t hung out as a group in a while. Then, Riku drops a mention about going to the karaoke, even though he’s more of the audience type.

As the best friend, Riku knows exactly what he’s doing: Daeyoung’s ears perk up immediately in interest. It’s a funny sight. It’s like watching those reels of dog owners mentioning their puppy’s favorite words in a conversation to see how they’ll react. Daeyoung doesn’t say anything, though. He just stays attentive, waiting in patience.

Sion is a bit meaner about it. He pretends to ignore the sheer look of interest coating every single millimeter of Daeyoung’s face in order to address Yushi directly. Peer pressure, that’s what he’s doing because he knows it works best against Tokuno Yushi. The invitation rolls in his tongue in such a casual way: “Ushi-yah, do you wanna come with us?”

“I don’t wanna third-wheel you, thank you.” Yushi mumbles, looking away. He doesn’t want to be forced into a date, actually.

“Aw, come on, Ushi.” Sion whines, going as far as to tug the sleeve of Yushi’s white shirt like a spoiled kid. Yushi frowns at him. What’s his problem, really.

“Maybe we could invite Daeyoungie, too, if you don’t wanna go alone with us, Yuu-chan.” Riku’s voice is chirpy. He talks as if Daeyoung wasn’t sitting with them listening to the conversation like he’s part of it too. When Yushi doesn’t say anything—he knows this is a trap—Riku turns around to finally look at Daeyoung. “Do you want to come too?”

Daeyoung nods his head eagerly, like he was waiting to be invited. It makes Riku giggle, his up-turned eyes becoming tiny. Yushi has to look away.

“What do you say now, Yushi?” Riku asks.

Then, Sion: “You won’t be third-wheeling us anymore, so you have no excuse.”

Yushi kind of despises them. He swallows the urge to sigh out loud in defeat. “I’ll come then.” He tries to ignore the way Riku claps excitedly, as if Yushi hasn’t just walked right into the cheese trap.

That’s exactly why later that day Yushi finds himself walking down the street next to Daeyoung, who rambles excitedly about how much he enjoys going to the karaoke, and the list of songs he usually sings, and how his brothers always force him to sing the most. In front of them, Riku and Sion walk hand in hand, as if they hadn’t invited them with the purpose of having a group hang-out. So much for doing friendly activities, they look like they invited Yushi and Daeyoung as an audience for their little date! Yushi despises them.

He hates it.

He hates being forced to do things he doesn’t feel ready for, even if he’s aware that maybe he’ll never feel confident enough to leave his comfort zone. He hates how stiff his body gets when he’s next to Daeyoung, and the way he doesn’t even seem to notice. It makes Yushi feel frustrated and pathetic, but what else can he do when he sucks at small talk and he can’t help but get nervous? His fingers fidget with his own nails in an anxious habit.

Maybe that’s why Daeyoung suddenly pokes his ribs with his index finger, making Yushi jolt and yelp in surprise, all soft and high-pitched in pure Tokuno fashion. Yushi doesn’t even notice how his frown and pout are quickly replaced by a confused expression: raised eyebrows, slightly parted lips, and black eyes so round he looks a bit like an offended kitten. Daeyoung can’t hide the grin from his face.

“What was that?”

Daeyoung shrugs. “You looked like you were spacing out.”

“I wasn’t!”

“You totally were.” Daeyoung chuckles; he doesn’t look offended in the slightest. “You were starting to look like a grumpy cat. Did you not want to come with us?”

“It’s not that.” Yushi pauses. There’s no way he could explain to Daeyoung the turmoil of thoughts inside his head because he knows he’s not making any sense. WishGPT would tell him that he sucks. “I’m just distracted.”

“Why’s that?” Daeyoung tilts his head.

“No reason.”

Daeyoung’s eyebrows get knitted together. He looks at Yushi for a few seconds but doesn’t press any further. Now, there’s plenty of reasons why Yushi is so whipped and why he can’t take Daeyoung out of his head even if he wanted to; however, although his obliviousness is just an intrinsic part of his personality, sometimes Yushi wishes he could just be a little bit more aware of his surroundings. Yushi wishes Daeyoung could press harder, see what’s beneath the surface and pay a little more attention to him. Nevertheless, Daeyoung just stays silent for a few seconds and changes the topic, as if the silence and the dense atmosphere between them could suffocate him and make him uncomfortable.

Quietly, and despite walking side by side, Yushi prays. Just look at me once, truly look at me.

Funnily, albeit frustrating, this is also part of Daeyoung’s charm. The way he can’t notice shit and yet still finds a way to make Yushi’s heart flutter even when he doesn’t intend to do it. Daeyoung points at a tarot-reading and fortune-telling advert outside a shop and starts talking about how he’s never had his fortune read, but, once, his oldest brother went to one of those shops and the old lady told him exactly how his next relationship would be—now, he’s planning his wedding.

“Do you know anything about fortune-telling?”

“I think I read a book about tarot reading once.” Yushi mumbles.

“You could read the cards for me,” Daeyoung jokes. His eyes are glimmering with something, and even though Yushi is used to staring at him from afar, today he feels like he can’t look at him in the eye. “I’d like to learn, just for the funsies. Do you want to be my first client?”

Yushi raises an eyebrow. “It sounds like you’re trynna scam me.”

“Hey!” Daeyoung exclaims, pretending to be offended. His voice comes in a mix of soft laughter that bubbles from his chest. Maybe he speaks a bit louder because Riku and Sion turn around to look at them. “That’s not true! Do you not trust me?”

“I- uhm.”

“Give me your hand.”

And, okay. That definitely makes Yushi nervous. He finds out that he doesn’t know how to reply. It’s not a difficult decision, and yet Yushi feels like all his options are absolutely terrible and will end up in a catastrophe (read: extreme humiliation that makes him combust into a cloud of smoke). He hesitates, and he knows that his hesitation is only a mirror to the emotions swirling together in his chest. He tries to play it off as his usual slowness, but he’s not sure if Daeyoung will buy it.

Sion decides that that’s the perfect moment to intervene. Yushi doesn’t know whether to kill him or be thankful.

“You don’t want that, Daeng,” He claims from in front of them, twisting his neck around in a way that should be a little uncomfortable. “His hands are always clammy; it’s a bit gross.”

Riku slaps his arm and scolds him for being mean, but Yushi can only focus on the way his ears burn so much that he’s sure his face has turned into the perfect imitation of a ripe tomato. This is so embarrassing. Yushi wants to rip the hair off his head.

“They’re not clammy!” He manages to spurt out. “If anything, they’re, uh, they’re very dry.”

“I don’t really care,” Daeyoung chuckles. God, this is worse. “Does it change anything? Do you think your future will change if your hands are dry or sweaty?”

Daeyoung is laughing so hard, like Yushi’s mere existence is extremely funny, and Yushi doesn’t know what to do. He can see the shit-eating grin splayed on Sion’s face and he can’t believe his own best friend would put him in this position. He’s the worst! Yushi looks away, trying to fight the embarrassment, and pushes Daeyoung’s body with his hand before secluding it inside his pocket. Daeyoung yelps, his body moving to the side as if he weren’t stronger than Yushi.

“I don’t wanna talk to you anymore.”

“Eh?!” Daeyoung exclaims, but the laughter never ceases. If anything, it gets louder “How was that my fault?”

But Yushi, petty and true to his words, pretends to look away, even when Daeyoung sulks next to him. The topic isn’t touched again throughout their walk, and they reach the karaoke place without anyone mentioning it again.

🍫. . .

(Which is terrible, actually. If Yushi had simply given his hand to Daeyoung, Daeyoung would have delicately traced the lines on his palm with his finger. Feather touch. Maybe, Daeyoung would have even told Yushi that his future is bright: that he’ll win the upcoming games in the season, and he’ll find out that there’s someone rooting for him really close, waiting to show him just how much he’s loved and appreciated.

Maybe, they would have walked hand in hand after that.)

🍫. . .

Despite acting all sulky, Yushi realizes that Sion and Riku are right. Different scenarios imply different opportunities and different ways in which he can let Daeyoung know about his feelings. Dates sound scary. It’s like laying his timid heart in front of Daeyoung for him to feast on with his bare hands—it’s nerve-wrecking, Yushi isn’t ready to have his heart examined like that. However, a friendly hang-out to the karaoke allows him to work in subtler ways. Yushi is timid, he’s not exactly good at being straightforward even when he’s the most obvious and transparent being in the world. So maybe music can help him. Those are not his words per se, but the singer’s pre-set lyrics—and yet, he can assure that those are his own feelings coating his voice. He just has to let Daeyoung feel them too. Yushi knows Daeyoung speaks the language of music, will he be able to see what Yushi is trying to tell him?

It's not a surprise to see Daeyoung monopolizing the microphone as soon as they step foot into their karaoke room. He had been practically buzzing with excitement since class ended and they left their school. It’s not hard to tell that he really wants to sing. Sion, Riku and Yushi grant him the honor of singing the first song.

And, when Daeyoung’s vocal cords come into contact for the first time and the notes start rolling from his throat, Yushi finds out that he’s unable to breathe. He knows his mouth is hanging agape and he looks absolutely starstruck—he probably looks ridiculous—but he can’t help it. Daeyoung told him that he’s not really a singer despite helping the music club sometimes, so there’s no way Yushi could have predicted his voice to sound like this: like a gentle caress to his eardrums, like Daeyoung is seeking to engulf his heart in a warm embrace just with the gentle flow of the notes, like his own voice carries intimacy and honesty.

Yushi takes a swift glance at his friends, just so he can see if he’s the only one affected or not. Riku’s eyes are closed, and his body is swaying from side to side, like he’s way too used to Daeyoung doing this whenever they go out together but still enjoys it, nonetheless.

Then, Yushi’s eyes go back to Daeyoung’s figure. It’s a bit silly. A high-school boy wearing his uniform—the white t-shirt a bit disheveled, unkept outside his pants, the necktie slung around his neck, and his long bangs falling messily over his forehead—holding a hand against his own chest with his eyes closed like he’s personally feeling the song inside his bones. To make it more absurd, he sings about the desire to marry his significant other as if he were familiar enough with that feeling despite his inexperience.

Yushi feels himself shudder anytime Daeyoung pronounces the words ‘marry me’. His ears are red, and Yushi can’t believe a simple song is making him feel like he’s one note away from combusting in the spot. This is so stupid. He’s staring. Yushi has always had a staring problem, and even though he wants to look away, he simply can’t.

Just then, Daeyoung opens his eyes. He looks directly at Yushi, as if he had sensed the intensity of his eyes over him. Yushi panics. His body tenses up, and he starts blinking a dozen times per minute, and yet he doesn’t dare to look away. A staring contest. From the corner of his eyes, he can see Sion shaking Riku’s arm.

Usually, it would be Daeyoung the first one to break eye contact: he’d become a giggling mess before looking away, like he’s just unable to stand the attention. He’s always like that, no matter who the other person is; it’s actually absurd because he’s involved in way too many activities that involve people giving him attention. However, this time, it’s Yushi the one who gives up first. His gaze shifts to his lap and then to the screen, as if he were way too busy analyzing the lyrics.

How is he supposed to sing after this? Sion shoves the mic in his direction, interrupting the word vomit of compliments that are flowing from his mouth.

Maybe Yushi should sing something akin to a love confession, too. Daeyoung probably sang something he’s comfortable with—his go-to karaoke song. But Yushi is set on a mission, so he should just grab the opportunities and let Daeyoung know about how he feels. He takes his time inspecting the list of song codes until he finds something of his liking.

The song starts playing. It’s in Japanese, and Yushi prays that Daeyoung doesn’t have trouble understanding the lyrics. Telepathically, Yushi tells him that the song is for him, and that the lyrics are a perfect portrayal of his feelings. He sure hopes that the soft melody and the gentle thrumming of the guitar are enough to say what he’s afraid of saying out loud, even when his sweaty hands are gripping the mic and his voice has just the slightest tremble to it.

When the song comes to an end, Riku and Daeyoung clap softly.

“You have a really nice voice, Yuu-chan,” Riku says. “You have many talents, as if playing soccer wasn’t enough.”

“You’re exaggerating,” Yushi responds sheepishly. Still, he has a hard time hiding his smile. Soccer comes first to him, anyway—the only reason why he sang is because they’re literally at a karaoke place. Maybe he has the habit of humming under his breath all day, but it’s not the same. Yushi can’t compare to Daeyoung in that sense, or at least that’s what he thinks.

“I think you’re really good,” Daeyoung adds, as if Riku’s compliments weren’t enough. “I liked it.”

“Uh.” Yushi looks at him. He pauses for a second, like he’s barely processing Daeyoung’s words. “Thank you.”

“Maybe you two should sing something together,” Sion suggests, and Yushi’s shyness is quickly replaced by panic. He looks at his friend with a subtle frown on his face, but Sion simply smiles and nods his head, very encouraging.

Yushi wants to deny. He should say no. The mere thought makes his heart race. Singing on his own is one thing, but singing with Daeyoung is totally different. Unfortunately, the other boy seems to think something totally different. His eyes widen, and it makes Riku giggle, and then Daeyoung is grabbing the other mic and looking for a song on his own. He seems excited, like this is the best idea Sion has had in a while, and Yushi feels too bad to destroy that excitement.

Daeyoung chooses something and then he asks Yushi if he’s okay with the song selection. Sheepishly, Yushi barely nods. He’s holding his own mic with both hands, looking anxiously at Sion, as if telling him that he’s not ready, and he’s afraid, and if he’s not worthy enough to sing next to Daeyoung, then maybe Daeyoung will probably think he’s not worthy of being with him at all.

It's a ballad. The OST of a drama his mom watches every evening after dinner. Something about rain shower and the promise to be each other’s only love. It’s oddly fitting, and Yushi can’t help but reminisce the day they walked together under the rain—is it another coincidence or is Daeyoung thinking about the same thing as him?

Daeyoung sings with practiced ease. For a second, Yushi wonders if this is how he looks when he’s in his music club meetings—do the other classmates get to listen to him like this all the time? He feels the slightest pang of jealousy. Meanwhile, he’s standing next to him all stiffly. Yushi barely remembers the melody and the lyrics, and maybe he should just follow the vocal guide and read what’s on the screen, but his mind is blank. He huffs to calm himself, and when Daeyoung remains silent, he takes over the song.

Yushi sings a total of 2 lines before he fumbles the lyrics. Then, he just remains silent over the instrumental. Daeyoung chuckles lightly, and then he continues singing, knowing damn well that it’s not supposed to be his part yet. Gently, he fills up Yushi’s short-comings, and Yushi wants to disappear, feeling absolutely humiliated.

It’s a fail in a way. Yet another one to the collection. Yushi can’t believe this.

🍫. . .

Yushi stares at the screen of his phone like he can’t believe what he’s seeing. He knew this was going to happen, but maybe it’s his own fault for trusting someone like Oh Sion. Sure, they’re best friends, and Sion would probably say that he’s doing this for his own sake, but still. Daeyoung fidgets nervously next to him, and Yushi doesn’t know how to tell him that Sion just left him on read.

His own best friend just ditched him. Yushi can’t believe Riku could do this to Daeyoung, too. They were supposed to eat something after the karaoke; they even suggested different places they could go before deciding on eating burgers.

And yet, even though Yushi was sure that Sion and Riku were walking just behind them, the two of them were left alone.

Now, Yushi knows that this is probably part of their plan. Maybe it always has been. This is just a move to force Yushi and Daeyoung to have a proper date, even when Daeyoung is probably unaware.

“Maybe they got distracted with something,” Daeyoung supplies. He doesn’t look worried in the slightest, though.

“Maybe they did,” Yushi repeats lowly.

“But, since we’re already here, shall we eat together?” Daeyoung looks directly at Yushi, flashing a smile that shouldn’t be as charming as it is. Yushi finds himself mirroring it. “I don’t know about you, but I’m hungry.”

The truth is that Yushi expects this part of their little outing to be awkward. It’s not something he could foresee, so he’s not entirely mentally prepared. He doesn’t want Daeyoung to carry their entire conversation the way he always does, and he doesn’t want him to think that Yushi would prefer to be anywhere else but with him. Nevertheless, his own hunger is more prominent than the avalanche of plaguing thoughts, so he prefers to focus on the fact that they’ll eat rather than fidgeting and overthinking his every movement and every word.

For the first time since he started this little quest, Yushi decides that maybe it’s best if he doesn’t worry too much. He’ll just relax and enjoy his food and pretend that he’s not hyper-aware of Daeyoung’s every exhale. What’s that one piece of advice people always repeat? To just be yourself? Maybe that’s what Yushi should do. He won’t even think about this as some sort of opportunity to gain Daeyoung’s heart because, maybe, he should just enjoy the little moments they get to spend together with no second intentions.

It’s Daeyoung the one who orders their food while Yushi looks for a nice place to sit. The food arrives rather quickly, and while they eat, they chat in a very relaxed manner. Much to their surprise, it’s not awkward and they click rather well. It’s like going out with Sion, except this time there are way more stolen glances involved and there’s a hint of something in the way they smile.

Maybe Yushi teases Daeyoung because, despite everything, it’s difficult not to be all over him—it’s part of Yushi’s nature; that one part is not an act. It’s part of how he naturally shows his attention and interest. There’s a permanent cat-like grin on his face, and it perfectly matches the pitiful giggles Daeyoung lets out anytime Yushi does something as simple as kick Daeyoung’s ankles under the table.

Maybe Yushi also pretends not to hear Daeyoung when he asks him to pass him the ketchup bottle, just because he really enjoys the way Daeyoung whines his name amidst laughter. Daeyoung doesn’t get upset—if anything, it seems like he also enjoys this kind of dynamic, especially because Yushi still tries to provide anything Daeyoung might need.

He can’t really stop himself. Yushi did vow to stop overthinking. He’s just letting his impulsivity win for once, dragging him to unexpected places and showing Daeyoung the way he really is when he’s not paralyzed because of his nerves.

Time passes by quickly, and Yushi finds out that he actually enjoys his time with Daeyoung. He didn’t think of Sion and Riku at all, and he never even wished for them to be with him as moral support. For a moment, he considers that perhaps he shouldn’t have agonized over every single encounter with the boy. Things are easier than what his shy and anxious head makes them seem.

Unfortunately, their food slowly disappears from the table, and the two high-school boys begin to feel fuller and fuller. It only means that their time together is coming to an end, and they’ll soon be forced to depart. There’s no excuse to stretch this non-date any longer.

Laying in the middle of the table is a single French fried, perfect in length and color and looking tasty enough not to waste it. Yushi can tell that Daeyoung is eyeing it, even though he’s probably afraid of being the one to take it judging by his hesitance. This is one of those moments where Daeyoung is too considerate for his well-being.

Will it be mean to toy with him?

When Daeyoung is about to take it after much consideration, Yushi mumbles with feigned nonchalance: “Don’t eat it.”

Daeyoung immediately drops his hand.

“Do you want it?”

“Maybe,” Yushi replies distractedly. The truth is that he would let Daeyoung have anything he wants.

“You can have it, Ushi.” Daeyoung smiles at him, his voice is soft and chirpy, and his eyes turn into little crescents. He’s so accommodating.

“I’ll think about it. Actually, I don’t know if I want it—let me decide.” There’s a grin dancing on Yushi’s lips because he actually sucks at hiding his true intentions. He just wants attention, is that a sin?

Daeyoung chuckles. “I don’t think I can wait until you decide,” he says licking his lips.

“Well, then,” Yushi pauses. He just wants to be fake threatening, toy with Daeyoung a little without thinking. “If you eat it, it means you like me. Will you eat it?”

It’s supposed to be mindless teasing, but it only takes one second for Yushi to process the words that just came from his very own mouth. There’s a brief moment of silence in which neither of them says anything, and the only thing Yushi does is open his eyes a bit wider, all while he feels blood rushing its way to his face. He wasn’t even thinking, he doesn’t even know why he said that. This is exactly why Yushi spent all their other encounters overthinking his actions, he’s quite aware that he can be a little bit impulsive if he doesn’t pay enough attention.

Fuck, he embarrassed himself again. This is all WishGPT’s fault.

Now, Yushi could pretend that nothing happened, and he didn’t say anything. He could pretend that it was all joke (it was, though) and it’s not meant to imply anything at all. He could laugh it off and tell Daeyoung that it was just meaningless teasing, that he’s supposed to say no, all while he hides his face behind his own hands. Yushi thinks about a hundred options. Daeyoung is staring at him, equally surprised, and Yushi is still considering that, to fix this, he could—

Slowly, Daeyoung brings his hand to the table again. Under Yushi’s watchful eyes, he gently takes the last French fry and brings it to his mouth. He doesn’t say a thing. He doesn’t even have his usual goofy smile on his face, and he looks a bit too serious for Yushi’s liking. Yushi, who is still staring, watching as Daeyoung munches quietly.

“Sorry, Ushi.”

All of a sudden, the air around them gets a bit dense, too heavy and awkward, and filled with unsaid words and emotions. It’s hard to get Daeyoung to quiet down—even Riku says so—and yet he remains silent, not even looking at Yushi, who is boring holes into him, as if his black eyes could grant him mind-reading skills if he stares hard enough.

Does this even mean anything? Yushi desperately wants to know, but he doesn’t dare to ask. Stupidly, he doesn’t even know whether to qualify this as a fail or not. Maybe this is all Sion and Riku’s fault.

🍫. . .

Yushi can’t stop overthinking, replaying what happened at the burger place a hundred times. He wonders whether he’s interpreting Daeyoung’s reaction the wrong way or not. Maybe he’s not. Maybe he should have confessed right there, confronted Daeyoung and forced the words out of his mouth. He curses himself for acting like a chicken, but the truth is that Yushi is scared. He didn’t think he’d get this far. Yushi never even considered that a silly mishap could reveal that maybe he actually has an opportunity with the outgoing and charming class president.

Yushi feels like he’s suffocating. His lungs are obstructed, the plaguing thoughts fill-up his entire body until he feels like he could start shaking on the spot. His own body is frozen, unable to move when he sees Daeyoung moving around the classroom on Monday. There’s distance between them, silence, and maybe an awkward smile is exchanged when their eyes meet; actually, Yushi feels like throwing up.

He wants to be closer. He wants to dig deeper and find the answer for all the questions that keep popping up inside his skull. He wants Daeyoung to stop avoiding his gaze like they’re suddenly grown awkward with each other. Yushi wants Daeyoung for himself, wrap his arms around him and never let go.

He can’t stop staring at him. His eyes follow Daeyoung everywhere he goes, and he can’t even pay attention to the teachers because he’s too busy choking on his own feelings, on the what-ifs and the maybes, and the regret over something he’s not entirely sure of.

It doesn’t go unnoticed. Sion asks him about the details of their little date, and when Yushi looks at him with a pitiful expression, the shit-eating grin immediately disappears from his friend’s face.

“What happened?” Sion asks, visibly worried. “Did it not go well?”

Maybe Yushi is just being sensitive, but he still throws himself into Sion’s arms, hiding his face in his friend’s neck. He whines a pitiful, “hyung,” and that’s enough for Sion to pat his head and lend him an attentive ear. If there’s someone who can help him clear up his mind, it’s probably Sion. Yushi tells him everything; Sion will know how to navigate his situation, right? He has more experience than Yushi anyway.

🍫. . .

This time, Yushi’s actions are absolutely pre-mediated and calculated. A foolproof plan to get the answers he deserves. No more stalling and beating around the bush; Yushi will do it. He’s fully prepared.

He’s nervous as hell. Yushi has decided that this will be his last opportunity. If it goes wrong, he’ll give up on Daeyoung. Yushi has been trying really hard to tell Daeyoung that he likes him, but maybe that many attempts are not necessary—maybe it’s not working out for a reason. Maybe they’re not meant to be together, and there’s only one way to find out. Yushi has been persistent, he has tried a bunch of stuff only for him to keep failing every time. This is his last chance. If it doesn’t work out, then Yushi will just accept that things are not meant to be.

He knows practice has been cancelled for today, and yet he still shows up to the empty gym. Mr. Choi told them in advance, unaware that he was just giving Yushi the perfect location to carry on with his confession. That’s why he tells Daeyoung to meet him in the gym the way he does every time their club meetings coincide. He’ll arrive any time, and Yushi will be there, waiting for him alone.

In the meantime, Yushi rehearses what he’s going to say over and over again. His heart is hammering on his ribcage, his entire body feels jittery, and Yushi decides that he needs to keep himself busy to stop himself from agonizing.

The afternoon sunbeams infiltrate through the windows casting golden hues over the wooden floor. The gym is filled with silence and unusual serenity, and for a place that’s constantly filled with adrenaline and movement, everything seems oddly quiet and still. Near a wall there’s a basket filled with a variety of balls. Yushi rummages around and takes a soccer ball. He begins to play around.

It feels weird, the perfect mix between plain-old familiarity and feeling like this is not his own skin. The movements are swift and natural. Yushi lifts the ball, hits it with his thighs and then with his head before throwing it at a wall in what should be a perfect goal. He plays with ease, too used to that. However, his body feels stiff somehow. It must be because he’s not wearing sports clothes. Instead, Yushi notices the way his school uniform restricts him somehow. It’s not the same—his movements are somewhat hindered by his black dress pants, white short-sleeved t-shirt, navy blue knitted vest and tight black necktie.

Still, Yushi keeps going because soccer is the one thing he loves the most, and he knows the ball will calm his nerves. Anytime he moves, the golden rays fall over him in tender warmth, like a stage light over the star of the team. His bright black hair flops over his head, and there’s a soft smile on his lips. The synthetic leather of the ball squeaks every time it hits the floor, it thumps just like Yushi’s heart, only stopping when the bouncing of the ball is interrupted by the sound of steps approaching him. It’s only then that Yushi realizes that he’s not alone anymore.

The person walks slowly, as if he hadn’t wanted to interrupt the sight of the soccer team’s golden star entertaining himself with his tricks. Yushi knows exactly who it is—he recognizes the way he walks and maybe even the way he breathes, even the way he hesitates before breaking the silence.

Yushi turns around to face Daeyoung. The ball bounces against the floor once and then rolls onto one side, abandoned beside the wall. They stand in the middle of the court looking at each other with equal nervousness coating their gazes, like they’re afraid of standing too close in case they strike each other with electricity.

“Did… did you want to see me?”

Yushi nods.

“I wanted to talk to you about something,” he manages to say.

Yushi hides the big sigh he lets out, as if that would help him overcome his anxiety. He fidgets with his fingers. He must look so fretful and fake-composed that it drags a soft smile from Daeyoung.

“Is it something I should worry about?” Daeyoung tries to joke. Yushi chuckles, finally breaking eye contact to stare at his white sneakers and shake his head.

“I don’t know,” and that’s Yushi’s most sincere response. It’s the truth; the answer will depend on how Daeyoung feels about him.

“Then, what is it, Yushi?”

Yushi decides that that’s his cue. He will do it now. He will give Daeyoung a chocolate and tell him that he’s in love with him. Then, if Daeyoung accepts the chocolate, it’ll mean he also accepts Yushi’s feelings. It sounds simple. It shouldn’t be as terrifying as Yushi thinks it is right now. He planned this thoroughly with the help of Sion, and he even watched some WishGPT videos to gain confidence, even though he now thinks that his content is nothing but bullshit.

His hands are shaking—he sure hopes Daeyoung doesn’t notice, even when he can feel his attentive eyes over him. They’re sweaty, and Yushi has the urge to wipe them on his pants, even though that won’t make him look gallant at all. He puts his hand inside the pocket of his pants, ready to take the chocolate out and say the words but—

Something’s not right. The wrapper is sticky. It doesn’t even feel solid. The chocolate… it melted.

The world stops spinning. Daeyoung is still staring at him like he could give Yushi so much attention it could last him a lifetime. Yushi is frozen in his place, blinking in sheer bewilderment. He feels his heartbeat quicken, and his hands start shaking even more, even though he doesn’t dare take it out of his pocket, afraid that Daeyoung could see the remnants of his failed confession.

This is it, right? He promised that he’d give up if he failed another time. Maybe it’s a sign, maybe, maybe, maybe—

“Are you okay?” Daeyoung asks. His face is painted with concern as he walks closer to Yushi. He’s so ready to check on him, but Yushi can’t take this. He—

“I can’t do this,” he mumbles in the tiniest voice.

When Daeyoung walks one step closer, Yushi walks one step away. He can’t let Daeyoung near him. He can’t let him see because Yushi already ruined everything and he doesn’t have the guts, and the only thing he wants is to run to his house, call Sion and have his best friend hug him until he’s fallen asleep amidst his pathetic tears.

For now, though, he swallows the urge to cry.

Yushi wonders how this could happen. Was it because he was reckless? Was it because he wasn’t supposed to play soccer while he waited? Was it because the gym is hot? Was it because it took him way too fucking long to finally decide that he should man-up and be straight-forward? Yushi feels like he’s going insane.

“You can’t do what?” Daeyoung asks, still trying to get close to Yushi, but Yushi dodges the question. He moves away and tries to make his way out of the gym. He tries not to look back, maybe if Yushi doesn’t look at Daeyoung he’ll be able to bear with his own embarrassment and the humiliation of a failed love confession.

However, Daeyoung stops him. He grabs him by the forearm before Yushi could even cross the door. Instead of facing him, Yushi opts for staring at his shoes, his bangs hiding his expression. His chocolate-stained hand is still hidden behind his back. This is mortifying, it feels like torture. Daeyoung’s concern and persistence feels akin to needles swiftly piercing his heart.

“What happened? Do you not want to tell me?”

Yushi shakes his head. He’s unable to talk, or else the ashamed tears will spill and swarm the school gym with teenage angst.

“Is this related to the reason why you called me?”

Timidly, Yushi nods. He can’t lie. He hates how soft Daeyoung’s voice is, as if he were afraid of Yushi breaking down in any second—Daeyoung wouldn’t allow that, right?

“Can I see your hand?”

Silence. Yushi doesn’t move for an entire second. Daeyoung gets closer, and this time Yushi doesn’t push him away. He’s given up, nothing could be worse than this. With upmost care and delicacy, Daeyoung grabs Yushi’s wrist and moves it so he can take a proper look at his hand. Daeyoung doesn’t know what he’s expecting, but what he finds are stains of melted chocolate. They’re on Yushi’s fingers, on his palm—it’s messy, and yet it still makes Daeyoung smile so hard that his eyes become tiny crescents.

“Were you going to give me a chocolate?” He can’t hide the giddiness in his voice. The layer of concern is replaced by pure joy and excitement. Even his smile can be heard through the way he intonates the words. Maybe he’s less oblivious than everyone thinks he is. Perhaps Daeyoung doesn’t need Yushi to spell out things for him all the time; this is the one thing he can understand right away.

Yushi nods, defeated. He still hasn’t said anything. His eyes are not on his shoes anymore, but they’re anywhere but Daeyoung, who requests his attention by lifting his hand a bit more. His next movement takes Yushi by surprise because his lips are softly brushing over the chocolate on the center of his palm. Daeyoung doesn’t lick it, doesn’t even attempt to eat it—but it should be gross anyway. Instead, Daeyoung presses his lips on his skin in a movement that’s a bit too soft and caring. Yushi’s wet eyes observe the scene absolutely astonished. The little hairs on his skin all stand, thrilled.

Daeyoung smacks his lips for a second, pensively.

“It’s sweet,” he says.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m accepting the chocolate.” Daeyoung shrugs, ignoring the way that sounds and the effect it has on Yushi. “It’s really sweet, Yushi. Thanks.”

🍫. . .

The ambiguity is killing Tokuno Yushi. He’s not even sure if he could qualify his last attempt at confessing as a fail or a success. Yushi doesn’t have the answers, even though he claimed that he’d get them as soon as he gave Daeyoung the chocolate bar. He wishes he could be inside Daeyoung’s head and see how his mind operates.

He wishes he could approach him and simply ask him to be a bit clearer. Daeyoung said that he could accept the chocolate, even though Yushi didn’t even get to give it to him, but is he aware of the entire symbolism behind? Does that mean that he acknowledges Yushi’s feelings? Does it mean that he reciprocates them?

Yushi feels like he’s back at square one, but this time he doesn’t want to keep trying. He already wasted all 5 attempts, he won’t insist anymore. The lack of a clear answer only tells him that Daeyoung doesn’t want to be with him. It wasn’t meant to be. He was supposed to give up by the end of the day, anyway.

The next day Yushi makes his best effort to avoid Daeyoung in an attempt to convince himself that he’s doing the right thing. He already took a decision. Yushi stops himself from looking at him anytime Daeyoung is in his field of vision because he knows that it’ll only take one smile to give in, his own heart still chained to Daeyoung’s wrist.

He doesn’t speak to him either, even when Riku tries to strike conversation with them during recess. Yushi pretends to be busy, he puts on his wired earphones and tries to sleep, passing it as mere tiredness. He’s still embarrassed about yesterday, anyway. Yushi doesn’t want to imagine what kind of thing Daeyoung thinks of him now, not after that humiliation.

It’s a bit hard, though. Daeyoung sits in the seat behind him and Yushi can physically sense his eyes glued to the back of his skull the entire day. Even from his seat, Yushi can feel his silence and the absent-minded responses he gives to Riku anytime his friend says something. He doesn’t want to, but Yushi still wonders why Daeyoung is acting like that.

Luckily, the day comes to an end rather quickly. When Yushi stands alone in the classroom with a broom in hand, he finally feels like he can breathe and feel that he’s the one inside his own body. He’s on cleaning duty this week. All his classmates have gone to their homes or club meetings, and the one person who was in cleaning duty with him had a matter to attend (he left with the promise that he would cover up for the both of them tomorrow). So, Yushi is alone.

He basks in the silence and the sound of his own footsteps against the floor, the broom sweeping the dust, the swift breeze that comes through the open window and the incessant thumping of his heart. It’s been an entire day, and Yushi still feels like he could throw up his heart onto the floor.

He doesn’t think much. There’s some sort of serenity in being alone in the classroom, without the constant chatter of a full group of teenagers. He moves quietly across the room.

His tranquility gets interrupted the moment the door is yanked open, though. It takes him by surprise. Yushi jolts on his spot, and when he turns around to look, thinking that maybe someone forgot something, he’s surprised to find Daeyoung’s head peeking inside. But there’s no way he came to see him, right? He shouldn’t get his hopes up.

“Uh.” Daeyoung mumbles awkwardly, eyebrows raised high on his forehead. “Are you alone?” Yushi nods. Quietly and more to himself, he adds, “hm, I’ll have to tell the teacher about it.”

He’s probably just fulfilling his class president duties, Yushi thinks, Daeyoung is responsible like that. Maybe he just wanted to check if they were completing their tasks before going home. However, instead of leaving like he should, Daeyoung steps foot into the classroom and closes the door behind him. He’s cautious in his steps, watching as Yushi becomes more and more guarded with every step he takes—his knuckles turn white as he holds the broomstick.

“Actually,” Daeyoung starts. He looks quite sheepish; still, he’s unable to hide the softness in his features. “I wanted to talk to you.”

“Why?”

Yushi thinks of all the worst scenarios. They flash in front of his eyes, all while he pretends that he’s keeping his composure. He tries his best to keep an impassive expression, like Daeyoung’s sudden display of shyness doesn’t move him in the slightest. For a moment, Yushi thinks that Daeyoung just paid him a visit to talk about what happened yesterday: he wants to reject him.

Nevertheless, Daeyoung chuckles lowly—he does that a lot—flashing his snaggletooth as he brings a hand to rub the back of his neck. He looks exactly like the male leads in the dramas Yushi’s mom likes to watch, and Yushi feels like hell. He’s still as handsome as ever, looking like the most perfect boy Yushi could ever laid his eyes on: charming class president who always gets good grades, has a honey voice and is always gentle and kind.

A sudden realization hits him; it strikes him like thunder bolt. Yushi can’t fall out of love with him. He might have the intention of trying to do so, but the truth is that Yushi can’t stop loving Daeyoung.

“I wanted to give you something,” Daeyoung says. His voice is mellow, like he’s afraid of scaring Yushi away.

Yushi doesn’t say anything. He watches attentively as Daeyoung rummages around his backpack and takes a tiny box of chocolates. Yushi can’t help the way his eyes widen as Daeyoung extends it in his direction, he blinks a dozen times conveying everything his own mouth doesn’t in such a tiny gesture.

Does this mean…? Yushi gulps, feeling the way his own breathing quickens.

“Why’s that?” He asks warily.

“Y-you tried to give me a chocolate yesterday.” Daeyoung attempts to speak firmly, but the way he stutters reveals that he’s also quite nervous. Yushi doesn’t fail to notice, and the corners of his lips curl upwards. “So…”

There’s a pause, like Daeyoung is gathering enough courage. Yushi’s eyes are fixed on him, the anticipation making his insides all jittery.

“So, I wanted to give some to you too. In response.”

“What does this mean, Daeyoung?”

Yushi is not trying to be pushy or obnoxiously complex. He just wants to have a clear answer to see if it’s worth stopping all the agonizing he’s done lately. Yushi wants honesty. His voice comes barely above a whisper, and that should be enough to show Daeyoung that Yushi is just trying to protect his poor teenage heart.

“If you accept this chocolate, will you accept my feelings for you, Yushi? Because I really like you.”

The air gets punched out of Yushi’s body. An electric shock sends a thrill down his medulla and sets the hairs in his body up and his cheeks ablaze. He swears he stops breathing for a second, and he really, really, hopes that Daeyoung isn’t interpreting his silence the wrong way. It’s just—those were the same exact words Yushi was supposed to say yesterday, the same ones he was unable to utter.

It should be easy. He should just take the chocolate and reply, say that he’s been trying to court Daeyoung for ages, but that’s the exact reason why Yushi simply can’t bring himself to accept right away. He tried many times—scratch that, he failed many times. He was convinced that so many failed attempts only meant that it was not meant to be.

He never expected that Daeyoung could confess to him. He was the one who was supposed to do it!

Daeyoung waits patiently. His hand is still extended while the cogs turn inside Yushi’s head, but his expression slowly becomes more anxious. He looks at Yushi like he’s wondering if maybe he interpreted yesterday’s events the wrong way or not.

“Do you like me?”

“Yes.” Shier, “that’s what I said.”

“Prove it.”

Yushi is looking at him like he’s challenging him, a random burst of determination oozing from his dark pupils. Daeyoung is definitely taken aback, but he can’t look away from Yushi’s round kittenish eyes.

“Why? Do you not believe me?”

“It’s just—I spent so long trying to show you how I felt that this doesn’t seem real at all. I was about to give up.”

“Really? Were you going to give up?”

Pitifully, Yushi nods eagerly. His lower lip is trembling, visibly nervous. Daeyoung must think he’s adorable because he smiles almost immediately. He leaves the box of chocolate abandoned over the teacher’s desk and strides to get closer to Yushi. Carefully, he takes the broom from Yushi’s hands and leaves it against the wall. Then, he gently cups Yushi’s face with both hands. They’re large, almost covering the entire expanse of Yushi’s cheeks. Daeyoung forces him to look up. They’re so close. Yushi can’t stop staring.

“Is this enough proof of my feelings?”

That’s the last thing Daeyoung says before kissing him. Their lips brush swiftly and tenderly against each other, taking their time savoring such a sweet kiss. One of Yushi’s hands rushes to grab him by the shoulder, as if that could ground him. His hips hit a desk behind him, and, with his other hand, Yushi supports himself. But that doesn’t stop them; Daeyoung continues kissing him as if he could show Yushi that he’s serious and he would never joke about something like this.

Maybe it’s not appropriate to kiss in an empty classroom, but Yushi doesn’t care. He fantasized about this plenty of times. They separate for a second to look into each other’s eyes, and it’s the one second of eye-contact the one that sends them into a fit of giggles.

“Sorry,” Yushi mumbles, although he’s not entirely sure why he’s apologizing. “I’ve liked you for some time, I had to, you know…”

Daeyoung shakes his head, like he can understand what Yushi is trying to say even when Yushi doesn’t even get it.

“It’s okay, I wanted to do that since the day we walked under the rain.”

Daeyoung’s comment takes Yushi by surprise; he looks quite sheepish when he says it, and even then, he can’t hide the huge grin on his face, like he just won the best prize in the lottery. Yushi remembers that day. Daeyoung casually waiting for something, standing close to each other under the shelter of a thin track jacket, and the way Daeyoung kept looking at him even while Yushi fumbled his confession line. Maybe Yushi wasn’t just seeing things and Daeyoung wanted him as bad as Yushi did.

That happened some time ago. Yushi had just started his little mission of trying to confess. If he had succeeded back then, Daeyoung would have accepted his feelings. It wouldn’t have taken Yushi so many attempts and so many embarrassing episodes, but maybe there was a reason why things had to happen this way.

His determination only made him more endearing in Daeyoung’s eyes, and it brought them closer, even when Daeyoung wasn’t sure of what exactly Yushi was trying to do. The melted chocolate was the confirmation he needed to make sure that their feelings were mutual. It was necessary.

While they kiss again and again in the empty classroom, Yushi comes to a conclusion. It only takes 5 failed attempts at confessing to finally gain someone’s heart. It’s not the immediate success the one that can make him achieve his goals, but his own persistence. Trying so many times only shows that he really wanted Daeyoung, and failing each one was only a challenge to see if he could keep trying. Luckily, Daeyoung came to him before Yushi could decide on giving up. Yushi is glad he didn’t—in full honesty, he wouldn’t have been able to do so, anyway.