Work Text:
Fuck, I love you.
Marie’s words echoed through Jordan’s head as they stared at the ceiling. Marie was fast asleep next to them, her face relaxed and vulnerable in a way that never occurred when she was awake.
And still Marie’s words from earlier that night were still echoing in their head. Even with all the crazy shit about Marie being Odessa, Marie saying that she loved Jordan was the only thing echoing through their head so persistently that they couldn’t sleep despite it being hours since they returned to Marie’s dorm.
Maybe Jordan should have expected it. Maybe they were so clouded by their rage and fear that it prevented them from seeing that Marie was falling in love with them right in front of their eyes.
The thing that Jordan was the most stuck on was the feeling that they did not deserve Marie’s love. Jordan had gone through most of their life accepting the small pieces of love that people would dole out without really acknowledging the both sides of Jordan that made them whole. Jordan had gotten used to that sort of love– was comfortable with that sort of love. Marie was the first person who liked, no, loved both sides of them. It was bizarre and confusing information.
They haven’t even known each other for that long. Maybe a couple of months total from their short time at school last year and Marie’s shortened captivity at Elmira combined. And Jordan probably spent a good majority of their time together (and apart) hating Marie. So Jordan’s response was completely normal, right? Maybe they could have uttered more than a series of nos, but they were freaking out at that moment, okay? And wasn’t it kinda early in their relationship for declarations of love? Were they even technically in a relationship?
Clearly Jordan was still freaking the fuck out.
Am I in love with Marie?
Was it fucked to say that to say that Jordan’s didn’t really even know what love was supposed to feel like. All they knew was that despite their “I-don’t-give-a-shit” attitude that they gave Emma about wanting to find Marie, they were relieved. Relieved that she was alive and not captured by Vought again. And it was pure instinct to continue to protect Marie from Cate and during Cipher’s weird gladiator class. Was that love?
Marie had only been in their lives a short amount of time, and yet Jordan could not imagine Marie not being in their life. Jordan wanted Marie so badly in their life that it hurt sometimes. It hurt when Marie escaped Elmira. It hurt to realize that one of Jordan’s worst fears was becoming reality all because Marie wasn’t coming back to save them. And now that they were both out of Elmira (but still not completely safe) Jordan wanted to hold Marie tight and never let her go, because with even more fucked up shit happening with Godolkin and Odessa and Cipher, there was no way both of them would come out unscathed.
The uncertainty of the future was terrifying, especially since a year ago their future seemed so certain: become number one after Luke goes to the Seven, become beloved by Vought and the public, and maybe then Jordan would be someone that their parents were proud of. Now those plans had gone up in fire, all because of the girl laying in the bed next to them. But maybe that was a good thing.
Jordan’s thoughts were interrupted by Marie shifting in her sleep. Her arm wrapped around Jordan’s waist, pulling their bodies closer together. A warm feeling entered Jordan’s chest at the sight of Marie curled up next to them.
Yeah, Jordan Li was certainly in love with Marie Moreau.