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Dark clouds covered the sky, thick and oppressive. They didn't let their tears free or move on from the haunted world they covered. They just stayed and waited.
Derapchu hated the way the fog wrapped around everything, not even letting a breeze pass through but he was also thankful of the way it covered him from the world. A cloak over his bare arms that felt unnatural in the open air.
A war zone raged on in his mind, fighting between wanting to shout till his throat burst with his anger or beg for forgiveness. Both sides were filled to the brim with bitterness and desperation.
He resented all of it.
How couldn't he when all he did was to help? When everything he ever tried to do only got villainized and twisted? And he tried for so long to do anything right, follow Zam's every want like a mindless side character but what did that ever bring him.
Manipulator, liar. He was so sick of it.
Was it so wrong that he wanted to do his own thing for once, make a decision to change something the way he wanted? Maybe showing Zam what it felt like to be lied to in the process.
Apparently it was that wrong because now he was alone and he almost preferred it that way. He could still remember what it felt like to feel suffocated by an empty room, fearing too stay in silence for too long in case it broke him.
Loneliness was something that had always held him by the throat but now he welcomed it to settle around his neck.
That was why he was sitting alone on top of the among us at spawn, watching everyone below the hill having whatever fun they could in the last peace period of season six. It wasn't a party, not with the tension and hurt between everyone, but quiet music still filtered through the air to him.
It was weird to look at the gathering from the distance when he was usually one of the loudest people in the crowd but his bitterness stopped him from do anything about it. Instead he just followed all the blobs of color with his eyes till they were shrouded in shadows and the small bits of longing were too.
Anger still lingered in his mind, it was always there, but as the sun went down it dampened. The night brought a chill with it that made him long for a hoodie even though there still wasnt any wind.
He hadn't brought one with him to spawn since all the ones he had left only irritated his scars and his favorite was still with Zam. It had looked so good on her at the time that he didn't ask for it back, now he just thought it was stupid. It wasn't even like she worn it anymore.
A scoff past his lips at the thought of it.
He wanted to ask for it back but any time he thought about it it just felt wrong. That or he never got close enough to ask with all the time he had spent avoiding everyone.
Boredom had taken hold of him as he spent more time sitting. Watching the last bits of sunlight die from the sky while waiting for something he couldn't place.
The server must have heard his thoughts because before he could sit up and abandon his perch, a figure came the hill.
All the bitterness came rushing back when he immediately realized the person was Zam. Even though the night obscured most of her Derapchu could imagine that her hair was tied up like it usually was when she got overwhelmed. The smallest bit of blood was probably on the bandage around her eye, something she would have to change when she got home.
For a split second he was back at Zaun with his fingers in her hair the one time she let him help clean what was left of her eye. He could feel her skin and the way it dipped slightly from all her scars. Her breath on his shoulder when she fell asleep on him sent a shiver down his spine.
He hated himself for still wanting it. He hated the way his mind remembered every soft moment of trust as if it happened moments ago. Most of all he hated the way he could never truly hate her.
Pathetic was what he was for chasing her so much just to not be alone only to hurt her as much as all the people he hated because of what they put her through. His ever own oath was just as fresh in his mind as everything else. One that promised that he would always be by her side and that he would never hurt her.
The vow didn't stop him from jumping to the ground, only having to take a few steps forward before Zam spun around with wide eyes that quickly narrowed. They both studied each other, Derapchu her chewed lip and Zam his anger that was a reflection of her own.
"Why are you here." It was very clear she didn't want to talk to anyone and especially not him.
He continued to stare at her, searching for… something. Anything that could stop him from rushing towards her and messily smashing their faces together like it would fix any of it. His hands cupped her face like nothing had ever happened. And he made sure not to press on her right side like it would make up for the way she stood there in shock.
For the few seconds they're lips were connected Derapchu could feel all the little scabs and splits covering hers, not that his lips were much better. It made his stomach churn with the need to take her hands in his to give the skin a chance to heal on all those stressful nights.
He stumbled back when she recovered enough to push him away. Disgust written in every part of her face as she took her sword out of her inventory and pointed it between them.
"what the fuck is wrong with you?!" She shouted, wiping her mouth with the back of her free hand.
He whispered a bitter sorry into the air but the word was hollow even to his own ears. It didn't mean anything anymore.
The promise of murder shined in Zam eyes as she took a step forward, opening her mouth before Derapchu cut her off.
"Do it." He dared her. "Kill me, I know you want to."
His throat strung slightly with the promise of a blade. he tried not flinch away from it or think about how close he was to getting backed into the side of a build.
"We both know I can't." Her expression was tight and cautious despite the way Derapchu could see that her hands were twitching with barely contained violence.
If her control would break would she slash his throat and leave him to drown in scarlet? Would she hesitate to put him in the same pain she had held him through. Maybe if she wouldn't he could finally stop loving her.
"Fucking do it," he repeated even though he knew it would get them banned for fighting during a peace period.
Her eyes narrowed and her body tensed in anticipation of movement so much that he really thought she would run the blade through him but then she dropped the sword with a quiet growl. She must have decided he wasn't worth her time when she turned around and walked away, only hesitating when the movement left her back exposed.
Seeing her walk away from him made panic bubble up in his throat. Hot and fast with one to many memories that shared far to much resemblance.
he tried to run after her, pleads at the tip of his tongue but then he saw had Pangi and Woogie had gotten to her first. The two of them crowded around her, probably asking if she was ok as she tried to wave them off.
All the care and support made Derapchu sick with jealousy so he looked up at the sky instead.
Part of him almost expected to feel water hit his head, maybe the clouds would finally drop in the face of their pain and fury, but no, they stayed still. Unmoving even when it had rained for less. For what? Spite? Was the sky's water finally not coddling its precious knight?
Woogie's stare cut through him when Derapchu looked down from the sky. It looked like he was longing to finish what Zam started. Blood flickering on and off of his clothes in a vision of what could be while he stalked up the hill.
Derapchu looked back and forth, trying to find an escape route but woogie was already in front of him.
"You want to hurt zam more hm? You don't think she's suffered long enough that you should just leave her the fuck alone?" The anger in Woogie's eyes was sharper than Zam's. When Derapchu only chewed on his lip he continued,"I thought you cared about her just as much as we do."
I do almost slipped from his tongue but it got push away by the wave of everything else. "So what you think she did everything right! She's the perfect one who can never do any shit wrong?" He took in a shaky breath. "Any hurt she causes doesn't matter but the second someone hurts her she's the fucking victim?" Another breath. "I did it to help us! If Spoke kills us all just know that I was the one who actually tried to stop him. And oh all the people who banned themselves- I am going to be the one to bring them back, not Zam, not fucking Mapicc, me," he finished, chest heaving with more than just his rage.
"We both know Zam isn't perfect but you better learn that no means fucking no before I make you regret ever touching her, unbanning or not." Woogie took a few steps towards him.
Derapchu looked past his shoulder to see Zam glaring at both of them while pangi stood uncomfortably next to her. "I'm sure Zam loves that you're fighting her battles for her," he sneered, as Woogie's eye twitched.
In the back of his mind he knew he was going way to far, he already had when he kissed Zam, but he couldn't stop. His anger blurred his vision so much that he didn't feel the harsh wind that broke over the hill or the way it made the hair on his arms stand up.
As he stared into Woogie's eyes he realized one thing. He didn't want to die. Not when the memory of pain made him feel sick and his body begged him to run.
The realization put a pin in his red bubble, bursting it in an instant. And without anything to shield him the wind swept straight through him, taking all of his energy with it, leaving an empty void behind.
It must have been obvious in his face because one moment Woogie looked ready to punch Derapchu and the next he only shoved him onto the ground. "Just go home Derapchu." Woogie told him, still angry but with the same tiredness creeping in on the edges.
Even though Derapchu was expecting him to do something he still flinched when woogie pushed him with his hands on his shoulder. Causing him to land with a dull thud on the grass.
Instead of watching yet another person turn away he looked down at his hands and the way they shook. Laughter found its way out of his chest. Not the fun kind but the a quiet broken sound that was a few steps away from a sob.
If Woogie heard it he didn't acknowledge it and only continued with the sound of crunching grass.
Deja vu hit Derapchu as he slid down onto his back. It felt like he was sitting on top of the among us again, before any of this had happened. The music was still beating, louder now. And once all the spectators of his pain left their seats on the hill the quiet sound of voices started again too.
The main difference was that back then he at least had his anger to keep him warm. Now all he had was more fear than he was willing to admit and a chill that seeped into his heart.
He felt more alone than he had in a long time and it was threatening to drown him.
At least during all that time he spent surrounded by nothing but sculk he could latch onto his anger like a safety net. At least then he could pretend that everything was going to be ok in the end. He hadn't seen everyone turn away like nothing even happened.
His head spun and his throat felt way too dry but one thought pressed its way into his mind. He didn't feel safe, not out in the open and as exposed as he was. It gave him enough strength to peel himself off the ground but he hesitated to put his elytra on.
Some part of his brain still hoped that someone would walk up the hill and ask him if he was ok. And as stupid as it was he couldn't help but scan the land for even the slightest hint of movement just in case.
The hope died before too long as his shoulders sagged and he gave up with a sigh.
The elytra dung uncomfortably into his skin but he couldn't bring himself to adjust the straps before throwing one last look over his shoulder and taking off.