Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Thank you so much, Abby.” I smiled as she handed me a mug. She smiled back at me.

“Decaf isn’t so bad. The normal stuff makes me jittery too, so you’re not the only one. I don’t know how Ethan can drink so much of it.” She sat across the table from me.

“There’s always the option for tea as well, Damien.” Martha offered, raising her own mug as an example.

“I appreciate it. Maybe I’ll try it soon.” In reality, her peppermint tea reminded me too much of the mint scented body wash I'd been using. I’ll have to look into other options.

I took a sip of my coffee, and I was relieved it ended up at the perfect temperature, the perfect amount of creamer. Not too sweet. I could tell Abby and Martha were watching me, but I didn’t mind it. I leaned back in my chair, closing my eyes.

“What’s on your mind?” A hand on my shoulder nearly made me jump until I realized it was only Clancy. He sat beside me, his hand trailing down to mine and holding it.

“I’m just so grateful to be here right now. I wasn’t sure I’d make it to this point.” I admitted. Clancy's expression confused me at first, it was somewhere between a smile and frown. But then I realized he was trying to hold back tears.

“Damien, I’m really proud of you.” He said.

“All of us are.” Ethan’s voice did manage to startle me. He’d appeared from behind me, holding a large plate of pancakes. “Okay, it’s been a long time since I’ve made these, so… Take them with a grain of salt. Uh— don’t salt them. Put some syrup on them.” He smiled as if he’s a little embarrassed.

“What’s the occasion?” Abby asked. Ethan’s expression softened.

“I know today is weird. I wanted a reason to celebrate it instead of dread it.”

My eyebrows furrowed. I looked to the right, past Clancy, and my stomach dropped as I read the date on the calendar.

It’s May ninth. It’s been one year since Tyler and Josh returned to Dema for the live show. I caught Clancy's gaze as my eyes trailed back to the table, causing me to freeze.

“You okay?” He whispered.

The table had gone silent.

“I, uh…” My eyes were wide. I attempted to relax. “I didn’t realize what day it was. It feels really weird to be sitting here now.”

“You feel weird? I died almost a year ago, Damien. I’m glad it didn’t keep.” He tried to joke with me, but my gaze had shifted to the floor.

“Damien, let’s have a little meeting with Josh and Ty today. I think you need it.” Martha suggested from across from me. My head shot up.

“Martha, I don’t know about that.”

“I can ask them about it. But right now, let’s eat some good food. We don’t have to think about the past when the present is far better.”

I nodded slowly. Ethan sat down to the left of me. It shocked me when I felt his hand grab mine and squeeze. I returned the gesture.

At least I’m in good company.

Chapter Text

“Sorry, I’m probably talking your ear off.” Josh and Tyler’s expressions quickly shifted into shock.

“No! No, Rae, not at all! If anything, we’re just… Glad you can talk.” Tyler replied, Josh nodding enthusiastically.

They both seemed relieved when I smiled at them. “I… I’m just happy both of you are okay. I’m sorry I didn’t get much time to chat with you before this whole thing.”

“Thank you for helping us out, uh…” Josh glanced at Tyler, his expression shifting. “Last year.” He grabbed his hand.

“Sage did most of the heavy lifting. I was… Honestly pretty scared. So I didn’t say much.” I admitted.

“We were scared too, I’m sure that wasn’t obvious at all.” Tyler smiled, sarcasm painting his tone. We went quiet. “It’s been a year already?” He asked softly.

“It’s the ninth, right?” Josh looked up at me.

“Mhm…”

“Wow.” Tyler exhaled.

Josh and I met eyes for a moment.

“Tyler, I’m sorry to bring it up. I assumed you realized it had been a year starting today. I didn’t want to unearth any bad feelings.” I said softly. He looked up at me. I couldn’t tell how he was feeling.

“I’ll be okay.” He replied.

My eyebrows furrowed. I glanced at my watch. “You two have somewhere to be, don’t you? We can talk later. Thank you for visiting.”

Henry had told me he needed to confirm Tyler’s substance level— to ensure there wasn’t any left in him. Now that it had been a year since he was smeared and seized so frequently, it’s possible things had been brought to the surface. It was only a precaution, but a necessary one.

“Rae, it’s no problem. Let’s talk again soon.” Josh smiled. My eyes focused on Tyler again. He was still unreadable. I took a deep breath.

“Let me know if you need anything.” I murmured, making eye contact with Josh. He nodded, his mouth turning into a grimace.

Chapter Text

It’s been a year.

Josh and I walked back to our room, and I almost refer to it as our hut in my head.

It’s been a year.

He squeezed my hand. I kept holding it, but I didn’t squeeze back. Not right now.

I reminded myself he didn’t do this for me before all of this happened. This was a new gesture— a year and a half old.

It’s been a year.

I felt my breathing shift as I began to feel nervous. It’s over, it’s long been over, but why do I feel so unsafe? No wonder I haven’t had an appetite lately. My brain didn’t remember it had been this long, but my body remembered everything.

It’s been a year.

Josh stopped walking and I almost ran into him. “Ty…?” He looked back at me. His expression made me more nervous.

“What?”

“We’re almost home. Are you going to be okay? Do you need me to message Dina?”

My head twitched. “No. I’m good.”

It’s immediately obvious he didn’t believe me. We kept walking and I cursed under my breath when I realized I didn’t have an indication of his messaging anymore. When they carried torches around, it was easier to tell when they were keeping secrets. Now, they don’t even have to close their eyes— though that certainly makes it more comfortable.

“Who’s coming over again?” I asked softly. Josh stopped walking a second time. He turned to look at me. Worry was written all over his face.

“Martha and Ethan.” He responded quietly.

“Oh. Right. I…” I didn’t want to admit I’d forgotten, but again… it’s obvious.

He turned back around and we fell silent. “I don’t want you to worry about me.” I whispered as we began to climb the steps up to our room. He didn’t respond. “Josh…” I whined. He opened the door for me without meeting my eyes. “Torchy!” I raised my voice, and that finally seemed to get his attention.

“Tyler… I’m sorry.”

“For what?” My eyebrows furrowed as I stepped inside. He followed closely behind me.

“I didn’t want to tell you, but they have to run some tests.”

My stomach dropped. “What?”

“Dr. Henri is coming in with the detector, he’ll be here any minute now.”

“That’s what Rae meant by us having somewhere to be?” I choked out. He nodded grimly. “Josh, I— why did you hide this from me?”

“I was worried about how’d you react.”

A knock at the door stopped me from responding. I sat on the couch and put my head in my hands as Josh answered the door.

“Oh, Tyler… How are you feeling?” I could tell it was Dr. Henri. I heard footsteps getting closer.

“I don’t know.” I mumbled.

“I’m only here to make sure there’s nothing lingering, okay? I don’t think there is, but it’s only a precaution. It’ll be alright, I promise.” He spoke gently. I took a deep breath and removed my hands from my face, nodding a little. “Can you stand up for me?”

I did as I was told. He held a small metal device, beeping softly. He started at my feet and moved it around my body. I tensed as the beeping got louder. I looked down and his hand was hovering over my stomach. His eyebrows furrowed. He set the device on the floor. “Tyler, can I see that scar on your stomach?” I felt increasingly nervous but I pulled up my shirt. He squinted. “Can I—“

“Whatever you need to do.” I exhaled.

He nodded slightly. He gently prodded at the scar and I was relieved his hands were warm. If they were cold like I’d expected, I’m sure it would’ve sent me into tears. “I don’t see anything out of the ordinary here. It’s possible they’re just… Hmm. It didn’t go off very loud…” It seemed he was talking to himself, trying to reassure himself there wasn’t something wrong. “Hang on.” He stooped down and picked up the device again. He pointed it at my leg. Soft beeping. Back to my stomach— slightly louder. “I wish I had an example of what it would sound like for me to become concerned. I… It’s probably only remnants. Not enough to cause issues.”

Another knock made me jolt. Josh opened the door. “Oh—“

The beeping suddenly rose in volume, almost unbearably. I put my hands over my ears as I began to panic. Dr. Henri looked frantic, and both of us looked over at the door at the same time.

Damien was standing in the doorway with Martha, and he looked like he could faint.

Chapter Text

Warmth. It’s my favorite feeling. It’s the only thing I feel when I’m with him.

It’s early. The sun hasn’t fully risen, but I watch it poke through the blinds. There’s not a rush today, and the sun seems to know it.

My attention travels to my source of warmth. My source of comfort. My love.

He’s still asleep.

His chest rises and falls with each soft breath. The blanket is haphazard, exposing bare skin, and the fact it’s finally getting warm means we don’t need to worry about being all bundled up, so I don’t adjust it and risk waking him.

My eyes focus on his shoulders. Those scars are simply something that make him unique— they don’t have to be anything more than that. That’s what I’ve started to tell him. We made it past the hurdle of the anniversary, of the worst of his trauma, but now we’re right into another one with Tyler and Josh, and I can’t say I’m not apprehensive about it.

Josh is aware of the date, but Tyler hadn’t said anything. I’m sure he’ll realize today. It’s the ninth, after all.

My eyes trail to his face as his breathing shifts a little. He seems to be grimacing, frowning, his eyebrows are slightly raised.

I slowly move, getting myself a little closer to him. I hesitate for a moment before deciding to stroke his head, his forehead into his hairline. He relaxes at my touch, but I can tell he’s really awake now.

“Mark.” He whispers.

“Hey, hun.”

“C’mere?”

His eyes drift open slightly, closing again as he sees me getting closer immediately. He shifts to his side and faces me as I wrap my arms around him. One tucks under his side and between his arm, I know it'll fall asleep and go numb, but I’m not worried about it. The other goes over his arm, a hand resting on his upper back.

I take a deep breath and I start to gently rub that spot. I can feel the difference in texture on his skin. And then I can feel his body fully relax into me. He lulls a bit and ends up leaning into me.

I smile and allow it. His head has ended up nestled in the crook of my neck. Usually I’d try to adjust him, I’d protest, I’d scoff.

But this morning, all I feel is warmth.

I know he’s asleep. But as I feel my eyes getting heavy, I whisper it anyways.

“I love you so much, Gabe.”

Chapter Text

Dr. Henri turned off the detector and the room was suddenly in complete silence. The pain in my stomach only increased as he turned to Tyler. “That’s a good example of what I’m looking for. Damien’s level is being taken care of, but it’s a very clear reading. That being said, I believe you’re in good health in that respect.” He said softly. Tyler didn’t respond. He simply stared at me, and Josh was watching me too. Dr. Henri cleared his throat. “That’s all I needed, Tyler. I’ll let you get back to your day, alright?”

“Thank you, Doctor.” Tyler responded quietly. I tore my eyes away from Tyler and Josh as Henry exited the room, which forced Martha and I inside a little further. I took a shaky breath. Martha put a hand on my arm.

“I, uh… I’ll leave if today is a bad time. I’ve been meaning to talk to you. To both of you.” My eyes flickered between the two of them, desperately trying to decipher their faces.

“Okay. Let’s talk.” Tyler shrugged slightly, sitting on the couch behind him. Josh joined him. Martha guided me to a chair, moving it so it was facing away from the window and towards the couch. I felt like I couldn’t take a deep enough breath.

“I just wanted you to know how I’m doing—“ I fought back tears as my voice cracked. “I… I don’t know how much you’ve heard.”

“You’re not under surveillance anymore.” I couldn’t tell if Josh heard this from someone, or if he was simply pointing out the obvious. I nodded my head slightly.

“It’s been about three weeks.” I murmured. Tyler started to smile, and fear coursed through me.

“That’s great to hear, Damien.”

“What?” I blurted. His expression dropped a little. The room fell silent yet again.

“Damien, take some deep breaths.” Martha— I’d forgotten she came in with me.

I closed my eyes and did as I was told.

“I’d like you to understand something, Damien.” Tyler spoke up again. My eyes shot open and I nodded, ready to hang onto every word. He hesitated for a few moments. “I know that the two of us have gone through very different situations, but… What he did to us… We do have a lot in common. I want you to know that I empathize with you. I… I feel like I understand you. And…” He took a shaky breath. “Damien, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what happened to you, but at the same time… I’m sorry for the way we’ve all treated you.”

My anxiety slowly faded as I realized he was genuine. Their stares weren’t hateful. His smile wasn’t threatening. These two care. They wouldn’t have spared my life if they didn’t.

“You haven’t done anything wrong.” I whispered. Tyler shook his head slightly.

“I’ve acted like you’re this loose cannon—“

“I have been, Tyler. We’ve all seen it.”

“But you never wanted that. You’ve always wanted to improve yourself. And, god… You have. The first time we spoke…” He trailed off and I recalled it as if it was yesterday. “I’m sorry I made you call me Clancy.” His words snapped me out of my haze.

“I understand, Tyler. And you didn’t know… You didn’t know about us.”

“How are you two doing?” Josh asked gently. They both seemed to relax a little as I felt myself smile.

“I’m so lucky.” I exhaled. “You know, we keep remembering these little moments, stuff we did within the walls. And it really makes us realize… We probably felt this way all along.”

“Oh?” Tyler raised an eyebrow at me, smirking. My eyes widened, my face turning pink.

“I— Woah. It’s not in a weird way. Tyler—“

“Damien, I’m only messing with you…” He assured me gently. I took another deep breath. “I’m curious for an example, though…”

“I’m always down for a cute anecdote.” Josh smiled at me.

“Ah… I’m put on the spot.” I smiled a little wider. “There was a time we were caught alone by some younger citizens. They started singing that rhyme about kissing in a tree?”

“Oh, that’s bold. Mark and I would’ve gotten our asses handed to us.” Josh put a hand to his mouth. I shrugged.

“Clancy took that one. He was so gentle. They’d all run away except this one… This little blonde kid. He said he was from his district. That poor kid was totally shell shocked… But Clancy just told him not to do it again and sent him on his way, he even rectified the whole ‘sir’ thing and told him to just keep it at Keons. I was… Enamored. I didn’t quite process the fact I could be my own person. I could have a personality, I could choose kindness, softness. I tried a lot harder after that.”

I gasped as I heard Martha sniffle beside me. She wiped her eyes. I turned to Tyler and Josh in an attempt to read the situation.

“Blonde haired kid from Keons’ district… Did you catch a name, Damien?” Josh asked gently. I squinted.

“Uhh… Something with a P, I think.”

Tyler smiled wide and Martha made a strained noise. I only got more confused.

“Oh, Paxton…” Tyler exhaled. Paxton… That was it for sure.

“You know him?” I blurted. I slowly realized he must not be around anymore. That would explain Martha’s reaction.

“He was like a son, in a way. We took him in. I only knew him for six months, and yet… It feels like we lost him yesterday.”

I stood and hugged her tightly. “I’m sorry to hear he’s gone. Did he…”

“He was on the island trying to help rescue them.” She murmured. I felt a chill course through my body.

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. I don’t mean to pull the topic into something grim. It’s okay…” She gently pushed me away and composed herself. I sat in the chair and hugged my arms, feeling a little out of place. These three have so much history together. So many connections. And I just… Forced myself into their space?

“Damien, would you tell us more about you and Clancy?” Tyler asked.

Clancy is our connector. Clancy is our glue. And I love him more than anything else.

“Right.” I nodded. I took a deep breath. “There was this one time…” I felt my face flush.

Chapter Text

“Keo—“ My voice caught in my throat as I realized he was sitting in my office crying. “Clancy…?”

“I didn’t know where else to go.” He whispered. I quickly shut the door and locked it to ensure no one would come in.

“What’s going on? Are you okay?”

“I’m sorry for showing weakness—“

“No. I don’t care. Tell me what’s wrong.” My tone turned stern. He looked away. I removed my hood and veil. “Clancy… Come on. Face to face.” I prompted. He nodded slightly, taking a deep breath. He removed the veil, keeping his hood on. “All the way?” I asked. He frowned. He took off his hood and I gasped as it revealed a gash on his forehead. “Who did this to you?” I was breathless.

“It’s nothing, head wounds bleed a lot, it’s not a big deal—“ He stopped talking as I rushed to the corner of the room for the tiny first aid kit. I was lucky I kept bandages in stock by the box in this room… And in a sick way, I was relieved I wasn’t the only one who needed them this time.

“I’ll ask again, Clancy. Who did this?” I spoke quietly as I applied the bandage to his forehead. Being so close, I could see the way the thin layer of white had cracked, leaving his normal skin underneath. It was a side effect of the pit, replenishing our strength would leave a new layer of the powdery substance on our faces and wrists. I realized he was crying again and jerked my hand away before I instinctively wiped his eyes, knowing I’d leave black smear and people would know we had been together.

Clancy was newer than me but he had far more control over his substance than I did. My hands were always wet no matter how hard I tried to dry them out. I’d pondered if the reason was the constant unlocking, but there wasn’t much I’d be able to do about that. Either way, the other bishops made fun of me for it, calling me immature—

“Andre did it.” He said quietly.

My jaw fell open slightly. “No…”

“Damien, he just— It was an accident.”

“You don’t hurt someone ‘on accident’ around here.” I growled.

“I tried to fight back, Damien.” Clancy raised his voice and I froze. “I’m so fucking tired of it. They can’t keep calling me names.”

“Are you hurt anywhere else?”

“Lisden knocked the wind out of me and held me while Andre swiped at me. I’m just a little sore. I’ll be okay.” He wouldn’t look at me.

“Did you… Did you get a hit at him?” I saw a smirk. “Heh… Good boy.”

Clancy tried to respond but came up with nothing. I slowly realized what I’d just said. My face stung with heat.

“Oh my god. That was really weird, I’m sorry—“

“At least someone actually acknowledges I’m a boy.” Clancy scoffed. My eyes filled with tears.

“That’s what they were making fun of you for?” I asked. He nodded. “Clancy, that’s… That’s awful.”

“They learned it from Nico. He’d do it every time I was seized. I think he liked the idea of me forcing myself to hear it from my friends.” My eyebrows furrowed. “I don’t know what’s going on when he’s possessing me, Damien. Martha or Ethan were always there. So when I’d come to, I’d beg them to tell me what he’d said. And they always told me, because I wouldn’t take no for an answer.” He elaborated.

He gasped as I hugged him tightly. He leaned into me, more tears making his body shake. I put my head on his shoulder. “It’s going to be okay…”

“Damien… I worry I can’t do this.” He looked up at me with those soft blue eyes. I took a deep breath.

“I believe you’re in the right place even if no one else does. You now… You’re who you’re supposed to be. You’re Clancy. Not whoever you were before him.”

I hesitantly reached out my hand. He allowed me to run my fingers through his hair, closing his eyes. A streak of white trailed through my fingers. He leaned into me again, and I felt his breaths against my neck.

“Thank you, Damien. I just… I really needed a hug right now.”

“Don’t let them get to you. It’ll be okay.”

He nodded, looking up at me again, a hint of a smile forming on his lips. “It will be.”

Chapter Text

“I— uh— that ended up really sad. I just… That was the closest we’d ever been to each other. And what I’d said… I overthought that for weeks. But we never spoke about it again. Even now…”

Some dots were certainly connecting in my head. I’d had an inkling that Clancy was trans, but I never confirmed it— mostly because it didn’t really matter to me. Clancy was Clancy, his past wouldn’t bother me.

I glanced at Josh. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. I gasped softly as I realized Martha was crying again. Josh seemed to notice at the same time, and he stood and approached her cautiously.

“Oh, Josh, I’m okay. I’m sorry.” She said quietly as he hugged her.

“You sure?” His eyebrows furrowed.

My eyes trailed to Damien as she spoke. He looked increasingly uncomfortable.

“It’s just difficult… To hear how much he struggled. To hear him be so blatantly mistreated by the people who forced him into that role… He’s never spoken to me about it.”

I watched Damien’s eyes fill with tears.

“Martha, he’s alright now…” Josh urged. “He has so many lovely people here, and none of them are hateful like that. At the most, they’re curious. Adrian… When he first came back, we were in the room when he was shirtless? Adrian worried he’d been hurt by the Bishops, on his chest. Clancy thought it was funny. He didn’t outright say it, but… I connected the dots as Adrian did, I think. But— my point is that he seems comfortable around us. And he should be. Because we’re here for him no matter what.”

“I could’ve stopped it.” Damien blurted. The three of us froze for a moment.

“Damien, what do you mean?” I asked.

“If I cared a little more about anyone besides myself… I could’ve defended him more. But I… I went along with it so I wouldn’t be ostracized too. I never went too far. But I can imagine it stung coming from me no matter what I’d said… I need to apologize.” He stood.

“Damien…” Martha’s eyebrows furrowed.

“It’s not right. I need to fix it.”

“Hey, you seem tense. Why don’t we wait a second, take some breaths—“ I began.

“You’re one to talk.” I froze.

“Woah there.” Josh came to my defense immediately. Damien glanced between the two of us.

“I guess my fears were right. You still think I’m unhinged. But I’ll prove you wrong.” He turned away. I tried to come up with a response, but my brain was muddled with anxiety. “Martha, are you coming with me or not?” He turned back to look at her. She looked surprised. She gave Josh and I a glance as she left the room with Damien, one that seemed to say, wish me luck.

Chapter Text

“Ty, are you alright?” Josh asked the moment the door closed.

“Yeah…” I shrugged. He sat beside me on the couch. I could feel his eyes on me. I looked over at him and saw the worry in his face. “Josh, I’ll be fine…”

“I just want to know what I can do to help you. I’m sorry today is… Weird.”

“Weird is an understatement. I thought I was supposed to have a chill day, see Martha and Ethan… Instead of Ethan I get Damien, and a weird checkup, and… Ugh.” I shook my head slightly. “I guess feeling a little off lately makes more sense now.”

“But look at this place now. How different it was a year ago…”

“What tower were we even in? We never saw the outside, did we?”

“Uh… I don’t know. I don’t really want to know. It’s not this one, not Martha’s, not Mark and Gabe’s… and not the main one, if you don’t count the tower of silence.”

“Yeah… five more options, huh?”

Josh simply hummed, looking away.

“How do you feel about it, Torchy?” I asked. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“It’s…” He bit his lip. “It’s hard.” His voice cracked. He squeezed his eyes closed a little tighter. I took his hand in mine.

“But at least it’s over with.” I didn’t know what else to say. I could tell he was about to cry. “It can’t happen again.”

“Did you ever remember other stuff, Ty?” He asked softly. A feeling of cold dread began to course its way through my body.

“No… Did you?” I struggled to get the question out of my mouth. He nodded slowly.

“I want to piece it together.”

“We did— Rose had it, remember? The timeline we made?” He shook his head.

“That’s gone, Ty. I need to do it again.”

“I don’t want to face it.” I blurted. Josh took a deep breath.

“Then I’ll do it alone. I just don’t want you to be concerned about me, Ty. I’m going to dig deep, because I want to remember.”

“I am concerned. I… What do I do if you end up in a dark place, Josh? What do I do if you…” I trailed off as I realized what I was thinking. How do I handle things if you start regressing like I do?

“I’m gonna lay out some paper. If you’d rather not be here, I understand, Ty… Our friends always offer their homes. You know that.” He finally looked at me. His eyes felt dull, and I hadn’t noticed the bags underneath them.

“You haven’t been sleeping, have you?”

“It’ll be okay.”

“Josh, I’m so sorry that I didn’t realize something was wrong.”

“Ty… You’re doing so good. Don’t let me slow you down, okay?” He squeezed my hand.

Emotion pained my throat as I struggled to stand. “Uh, I think I’ll… I’ll go find Ethan.”

“He’ll tell me if you need me. And I’ll do the same. But I’m gonna be fine, Ty. Promise.”

“Okay… I love you…”

“Hey— I love you too. So much.” He squeezed my hand again. I squeezed back and then I let go. He smiled at me.

I didn’t want to leave him. But I didn’t want to see those events laid out. Not today.

It felt like someone had reopened the wound on my stomach.

It’s too fresh.

It’s too soon.

Chapter Text

May 9th.

The day of capture. Tyler is sedated.

Keons and Lisden take us to the projector room. They run through the show.

They question us. We’re brought to the punishment room. Wounds inflicted for the first time. We ended up in the safe room. We sleep.

May 10th.

Andre guides us to the stage. Tyler gets me sent to the tower.

I fight against Lisden. I lose. I stay in the tower for the rest of the day.

Tyler is practicing as normal.

I return to the safe room that night. Gabe tries to message me and I shut it down.

May 11th.

I don’t think much happened this day. I can’t remember anything important.

May 12th.

Clancy is alone with me. He gives me a hint about the dragon and warns me about Tyler and the video training.

They reopened his stomach wound. He vomits from the seizing. Clancy cleanses him. Damien takes me for food and a shower.

We have more rehearsals. They take Tyler away. I didn't see him that night. Maybe the first unlocking?

May 13th?

Vaguely recall Clancy pouring peroxide onto my shoulder. I screamed. I wasn’t doing well on this day. I don’t remember how Ty was doing.

May 14th?

May 15th.

Ethan appears in my dream. He told me it was the fifteenth. Tyler didn’t recognize him.

May 16th?

May 17th?

May 18th?

We run through the reimagined setlist, then through our friends. Tyler seemed okay on this day.

They took him away again after this. I’m pretty sure this was the second unlocking.

May 19th.

He doesn’t remember our friends anymore. I wanted everything to be over. I almost cried for help but I was too weak and too scared I’d get caught. I convinced myself to keep going.

May 20th.

Ty has a panic attack. Clancy has to sedate him. He passes out. He doesn’t talk to me at all after I clean the smear off. He sleeps or he stares at the wall until tomorrow.

May 21st.

The livestream. The punishment. Clancy helps us.

May 22nd.

This afternoon we went to the assemblage.

Damien.

Gabe saves me. Mark saves Ty. We made it home. We woke up the next day.

Chapter Text

I’m not sure how long I’d been staring at the three pieces of paper laid out in front of me. I didn’t like the blank spots, especially not the period of the fourteenth to the seventeenth where my only memory was Ethan visiting us. That concerned me. Clearly my brain was trying to protect me from something.

I had fragments of days elsewhere, like the time Tyler had been a little too happy. But I had no way of knowing which day that was. I felt my throat tighten as I realized just how little I knew about it in general. And maybe I’d never know.

Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock.

I inhaled sharply. My heart fluttered in my chest. Dread pained my stomach.

“Four knocks.” I whispered. “It’s just… Mark, or Gabe…” I took a shaky breath and stood. As I approached the door I became aware of how much I was shaking.

I took a moment to try to relax, but it wasn’t working, and the knocks happened again.

Knock. Knock. Knock—

I opened the door quickly.

“Oh, Josh, are you okay?” Gabe’s expression shifted, his voice softening.

“Uh… Yeah.” My throat felt dry.

“Where’s Ty?” His eyes scanned the room behind me.

“He… He went to see Ethan. He was supposed to— we were. Damien came with Martha instead. It was a little awkward.”

“Oh… I don’t need anything, I just—“

“Come in. Please.” I ushered him in. His eyes focused on the papers on the desk instantly. I didn’t try to stop him as he stepped forward and began to read.

“He didn’t wanna be here for this?” Gabe murmured, tracing the timeline with his pointer finger.

“I don’t blame him.” I shrugged. I watched him carefully as he shifted his weight between his heels and toes, rocking slightly. He looked back at me and I felt my ears getting warm at the mutual attention. “Gabe… What did you wanna come over for?”

“Ah— I just wanted to, uh, well…” He grimaced, looking me up and down. “Can we just hang out?” His voice softened.

“Of course… Just like old times?”

“Exactly.” He smiled a little.

“How’s Mark?” I asked as I sat on the couch. He joined me before he answered.

“He seemed tired, so I told him to take a nap. He was asleep when I left.” He shrugged.

Silence washed over us.

“Gabe?” I cocked my head slightly. He nodded. “You know what day it is, right?”

“I— I do. Are you okay?” He offered his hand. I took it after some hesitation. But he didn’t squeeze. I closed my eyes.

“Ty didn’t realize what today was. It’s, uh… It’s been a bit of a shit show. His checkup was fine… I said he went to see Ethan, right?”

“Yeah…”

“Damien got upset. He told us some memories between him and Clancy, then he started getting emotional and said he had to go apologize to him. Tyler suggested he take some deep breaths and Damien snapped at him— he said ‘you’re one to talk’. I assume he found out about the… The day we all… The smearing thing?”

Gabe simply hummed in response.

“He said we must still think he’s unhinged, and that he’d prove us wrong. He took Martha with him to go see Clancy. I… I don’t really know how that’ll pan out. I have enough shit to worry about already, I can’t—“

“Josh, it’s not your job to be worried about people. Martha can handle it…” Gabe squeezed my hand gently.

“Do you think it’s gonna be okay, Gabe?”

“The thing with Damien?” He raised an eyebrow. His expression shifted as my eyes filled with tears.

“Everything.”

“Yes, oh, Torch… Everything. It’ll get easier. We have so much left to do to make things better. We’re just going to take baby steps.”

I thought about something I’d told Tyler and ended up crying harder.

Baby steps are still steps.

Chapter Text

“Shh, it’ll be okay, son. I’ve got you.” I hugged Tyler tightly. His breathing had gotten a little calmer, but I could tell the panic attack he was experiencing hadn’t slowed itself down.

“Sorry—“

“No, no… No apologies for me. You’re okay…” I cooed.

“Ethan, it's just… This just sucks. I feel like I’m right back where I started.”

“You’re not. Tyler, the progress you’ve made in a year… All that you’ve done for the people around you… Never take that for granted.” He suddenly held his breath. “Ty…?”

“Never take it.” He whispered.

I held him a little tighter.

“It’s over, Tyler. You never have to sing those again if you don’t want to… I’m sorry for my choice of words. I didn’t think about that.”

“It’s okay…” He murmured.

“Just think about it. The Bishops, the ones that hurt you… They’re gone, Tyler. They’re dead. They’re not coming back.”

“But there’s so many people that are dead that didn’t deserve it. They’re dead because of me, Ethan.”

“Not because of you.” My voice hardened. He’d gone quiet again. I stroked his back gently. “Tyler?”

“Mm…”

“Keep talking to me, please?”

I didn’t want him to regress fully. I knew he was really struggling at this moment, and I couldn’t allow him to shut down.

“Ethan…”

“I’m here, Ty. I’m listening.”

“No one deserved to die like that.”

“They’ve returned to the earth. All those people that were forced out of their graves… They get to rest now. They can finally rest.”

“Not everyone.”

My eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean, Tyler? Are you talking about Clancy?”

“No… Not him. He wants to be here.”

I waited for him to explain. He didn’t. I adjusted my hug, trying to look him in the eye. He wouldn’t look at me.

“Tyler? Who are you talking about?”

He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter, Ethan.” His voice was barely above a whisper.

“If I’m not aware of what’s going on, I can’t help you.” I said gently. He locked eyes with me, but his eyes seemed to look through me. He didn’t seem to be present anymore.

“I do need help.” He whispered.

“Tyler, you’re allowed to tell me anything.” I coaxed. He nodded slightly, still making eye contact with me.

“A few weeks ago I found out about the substance. I handled it so well. Everyone was so proud. But then it just… It’s weighing on me now. Everything is just so heavy. I don’t know if I can carry all of it.”

“Put some of the weight onto me, son.” I said quietly. His expression softened.

“Do…” He hesitated. “Do you know about it?”

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about, no.” I answered.

“I think I’m not supposed to tell you.”

My eyebrows furrowed.

“Who said I can’t know, Ty?”

“I don’t remember.” He looked away.

“You can keep making eye contact with me, Tyler. It’s okay.” I refused to say ‘look at me’ if he was on the verge of a regression, knowing that would only make it worse. He met my eyes again. He was breathing slowly now, that was a good sign. “Tell me, Ty. I bet the Bishops were the ones that told you stuff like that, weren’t they?”

He nodded slowly. “That seems right.” I waited for him to speak. He took a deep breath. “It doesn’t feel good to say this stuff.”

“I’m here for you. Do you want me to hold you?” I suggested. He nodded.

Against my better judgement, I leaned in again, obscuring his face from my view.

“The substance contains the glorified who were too damaged to become vessels. And the substance doesn’t change property. The substance stays that way through every version of itself.”

I felt frozen in time. I couldn’t move.

I almost started to laugh. But I realized Tyler wouldn’t joke when he was acting this way. He must be telling me the truth.

If that meant what I thought it did… Then my family received a fate equally as bad as being brought back from the dead. Their corpses were used to torture others. To drain them of their will to live, to convert them into monarchs, to be cleaned off and regurgitated in an endless cycle of misery.

Tyler suddenly tensed under my grip, breaking me out of my thoughts.

“Oh my god.”

I pulled away to look at him.

“Ethan… Ethan. No. I— Ethan…” His eyes were wide. And he was definitely present now. But I was not. Not anymore.

“Ethan, you weren’t supposed to know. I’m so sorry. Oh my god. I’m so— Ethan… Please, talk to me, say something, Ethan—“

“I need to think.” I forced the words out of my mouth, a futile attempt to calm him.

“I’m so fucking sorry.” He sobbed. He grabbed my arms desperately. I struggled to take in anything else around me. All I could see was his desperation, his guilt.

“Tyler?”

“Ethan…”

“Can you go out into the hallway? Please try to calm down. I will get you when I am ready.”

“Yes, s—“

We took in a moment of silence. He stood slowly, his body seeming to shiver.

“Deep breaths, son.”

His expression as he looked back at me felt unnerving. Tyler knows I wouldn’t hurt him, doesn’t he?

Chapter Text

I forced myself onto my feet and went to my kitchen. I opened the cabinet. I grabbed a glass. It was frosted plastic, a soft yellow. I took a few steps to the fridge. Filtered water poured from the tap. No ice. That would make it too cold. I filled it about halfway and forced my legs to take me to the small couch by the entryway. I sat, holding the glass in my left hand. I coaxed myself to take a few sips. When I tried to think, everything felt too loud. So I decided it would be better to speak to myself. Only one statement at a time could come through my lips. Surely I could rationalize it all if I spoke aloud.

“My family was used as fuel to cause more people to die in the same way they did. I knew this already, that was the point of the cult. My family was combined with that black paint-like substance, becoming it. It’s ashes, isn’t it? Partially ashes. That’s why it would leave marks after it dried out.” I took a slow breath in. I held it as long as I could. I released it. “I know people who have had that substance inside of them. The body purges it, it can’t keep it inside. But it wants to have a host. It wants to be warm. But it is cold. Because it is dead.” I shook my head slightly.

“I have accepted the fact that my family cannot return to me. I accepted that fact a very long time ago. I also acknowledge the fact they wanted to commit to Vialism. It was only when they realized it was painful that they didn’t want it anymore. I did everything I could to relieve them of that pain. They felt nothing when they became one with the substance, because they were already gone. Does it even matter what happened to them after that?”

I forced myself to drink more water.

“Does my family by blood matter more than the one I have now?” The answer was immediately obvious to me, but it pained me to admit it. I sat in silence for a few moments, a silence that morphed into honoring them.

Jane. Sawyer. Trevor… Of course I miss you. I’ll never stop. But… My true family resides within these walls, they’re living breathing people. One of them is waiting in the hallway.

They just wanted to protect me. I can respect that. But I believe it’s better for me to know than to live in ignorance. Even if it was blissful. This quells my anxieties of why everyone was so upset that day. I understand why. I would’ve been too.

But right now… I feel different than I thought I would. I’ve been doing so much self reflection lately. And I think I’ve come to terms with it all.

Because life is better now. The people that I love with my entire soul will stay here. Because I won’t let them leave.

I will protect them.

I will save them from my bloods’ fate.

Because even if the Glory can’t happen again… There will be no more bloodshed.

Not on my watch.

Chapter Text

I held back a squeak as Clancy kissed my forehead, something that still felt unreal. I grinned and interlocked our fingers as we began to walk back to Ethan’s. We were supposed to meet for lunch. I wasn’t sure what he’d planned, but I wanted to help out with food as a way to thank him for his kindness the last week or two. Clancy was walking in front of me. We heard a door shut. As we rounded the corner, Clancy froze. I looked over his shoulder—

“Tyler?”

I rushed to him as I realized he was crying. He slid down the wall onto the floor. I crouched down to his level and scooped him into a hug immediately.

“What happened?” I asked.

His crying turned into sobbing.

“Ty, it’s gonna be okay…” Clancy said, kneeling beside us.

“I didn’t mean to.” He choked out.

“What? What’s wrong?” I prompted softly. He shook his head.

“You’re gonna hurt me.”

I released my grip on him immediately, shuffling to get a bit of distance. His eyes flickered between Clancy and I in a panic.

“Tyler…” I offered my raised palms. His eyebrows furrowed. “Look. My hands are clean. And look at my face.” His eyes trailed around my features. “It’s over. That’s over.”

“You can check mine, too.” Clancy said softly. Tyler looked him up and down and nodded a little. “We wouldn’t hurt you. We never wanted to. You know that, don’t you?”

“I… I promise I didn’t mean to do it.”

“Ty, what happened?” Clancy asked.

“I told Ethan.” He squeezed his eyes shut and his body tensed, as if he was expecting to be hit.

“About the substance?” I prompted. He nodded, his face contorting as he began to cry again. Clancy and I shared a glance.

“What did he say, honey?” Clancy took one of Tyler’s hands and rubbed it gently with both of his own, as if he was trying to warm it.

“He— he said he needed to be by himself to think.” Tyler choked out. “He told me to wait out here for a few minutes.”

“I think he’s going to be okay, Tyler. I really do.” Clancy said softly. I couldn’t tell if he really believed it.

Tyler took a gasping breath and leaned against the wall, tilting his head back.

“You’re okay…” I said softly.

“I feel like I can’t breathe.”

“You’re just panicking, Ty. I know that feeling. And Josh does too.” His head snapped forward again to look at me.

“You know about Josh’s anxiety?”

“I do…” I nodded slightly.

“I wish he was here.”

“I can go get him—“ Clancy began.

“No. It’s okay. It’s okay.” Tyler shook his head. “Are— are you two okay?”

“Tyler, don’t worry about us—“

“I’m trying to not think about the other stuff.” He said softly.

“Oh.” I shared another glance with Clancy.

“We’re just fine, Tyler. It’s the past… it can’t hurt us anymore. We talked through it.” Clancy said softly.

Tyler took a deep breath. “Thank you for trying to help me.”

“We wouldn’t just leave you out here…” I said gently. His expression softened.

“Can someone come with me on a walk?” He asked. I offered my hand immediately. He took it, and I helped him up. I was surprised he didn’t let go of my hand as we began to walk towards the stairs.

“We’ll circle around, Kitty.” A smile formed on my face as Clancy’s went bright red.

“I-I’ll be here…”

“Kitty?” I looked over at Tyler and relief washed over me as I saw a slight smirk.

“Doesn’t Josh get flustered when you call him Torchy? It’s like that.”

“Oh, Damien, we’re not— uh—“

“I get it. That’s a little different.” I smiled at him. He nodded. “You don’t have to keep holding onto me.” I noted gently. He seemed surprised he was still holding my hand and let go quickly. “Whatever makes you the most comfortable, Ty… Can I call you Ty?”

“Everyone does. That’s fine, Damien.” We walked in silence for a moment, until we reached the doors of the tower. “Do you have a nickname?”

“Mm… No. Clancy hasn’t come up with one good enough to beat Kitty yet.” I grinned.

“Heh… We can all try to come up with something.”

“Just Damien is fine… Better than Sacarver.” My sentence became a mumble as I tensed a bit, concerned about Tyler’s reaction.

He grabbed my hand again and squeezed. I hesitantly squeezed back.

“Like you said… it’s over now.” He said.

“It is. And this version of our life is so much better, isn’t it…?”

“Just wish it had a couple more people in it.” Tyler said softly. I thought of Paxton, the connection all of them seemed to have with him.

“Yeah…? Me too. I think I would’ve liked to know some of them.”

“Paxton would like you. God, he and Clancy would’ve gotten along so well…”

“Tyler?” A voice called out.

My eyes widened as I spun on my heel to see who it had been. I relaxed a little as I realized it was Abby.

“Abbs.” Tyler hugged her tightly. Her eyebrows furrowed as she locked eyes with me. “What’s going on, Ty? Are you doing okay?”

“Better now. It, uh… It's been a day.”

“Abby… Ethan—“ My eyes widened as I realized she might not know either. And Martha… They could both very well be unaware, because Clancy and I didn’t tell them out of fear the news would trail to Ethan.

“What? Is Ethan okay?” She asked softly. Tyler made a face.

“Abby, there’s some bad news. But it’s done, it’s in the past, we just… We found out a few weeks ago. And it changed some stuff. And we weren’t going to tell Ethan. But I… I started feeling really off today. And I let it slip. I don’t know how he’s doing with it.”

“Are you allowed to tell me?”

“I don’t— I don’t want to make another person upset. I can’t do it.”

“Abby, I can talk to you about it later. You and Martha.” I interjected, rubbing Tyler’s back in an attempt to comfort him. She nodded.

“Tyler, do you want to get that candle made? I can show you how to do it. Did you ever get a scent figured out?”

“Uh…” He seemed to ponder for a moment. “It’s kind of a lot. But I did.”

“Tell me what you came up with.” She smiled. He smiled back.

“I don’t know if they’d all work together, really… I was thinking, um… Lavender, peppermint, and something sweet like cake… and that campfire smell… And bubblegum, too?”

“Do you wanna come over, and I’ll see what we can come up with?” She offered. He looked up at me as if he needed approval.

“Go on, Ty. Abby will take good care of you.” I smiled at him.

“I know… I just… Where are you going to go?” He asked.

“I’ll figure it out. Don’t worry about me.”

“Okay… But, Damien…?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

“It’s the least I could do, Ty.”

Chapter Text

I was standing by the door when it opened. Ethan’s expression was immediately unreadable to me. We stared at each other for a few moments. I didn’t dare to speak.

“Come sit, Clancy.” He opened the door a little further.

“Okay.” I joined him on the couch. He didn’t meet my eyes, looking past me, and that made me more and more uneasy.

“Where did Tyler go?” He asked.

“Damien took him on a walk. He said he wanted to walk around. They… They said they’d come back…”

“Mm.” Ethan nodded slightly.

More silence. I took a deep breath, and that’s when he finally met my eyes.

“Clancy, were you aware of this?” My body coursed with dread. I nodded slowly. “For how long?” He asked. I hesitated.

“They explained the process to me… When I was a Bishop. A few weeks into it. They showed me everything. They taught me how to do it.” I tried to read his expression, and I couldn’t. “Ethan, you know I didn’t want this. You know I didn’t. I can hardly deal with what I’ve done. I feel like I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve this life. I don’t deserve you.”

“Who else knows about it?”

“Sage found out first. Jean showed her the basement, that’s where it would take place. Then Adrian found out. At some point Gabe Mark and Josh figured it out, and then… That day… When I spoke to Tyler. I told him, because he was worried about his friends. They took it worse than he did, honestly.”

“Does Martha know?”

“Not that I’m aware of.” I shook my head. “Ethan… We all agreed we’d never tell you. Because we wanted to protect you.”

“I don’t need to be protected.” His voice raised. My eyes filled with tears. I reached for his hand and he hugged his arms defensively.

“Ethan, we tried.”

“Clancy—“ He closed his eyes and shook his head. “Let’s talk later.”

“No.” My voice shook.

“I can’t talk right now, Clancy.”

“Ethan—“

“I need you to leave.”

“DON’T PUSH ME AWAY.” I yelled.

I looked away as I wiped my tears on my hoodie sleeve. I lowered my hand but it caught on something. Something I realized was Ethan’s hand grasping my own.

I hesitantly looked up at him. He’d begun to cry. “I, uh… I’m getting some kind of Deja Vu right now, Clance. Double. One of them… Our roles are pretty switched, don’t you think?”

I slowly processed what he meant by that. I squeezed his hand tightly as each memory flooded back to me individually.

Chapter Text

“Clancy, come in here. Come on. Away from the Banditos.”

“I’m fine.” I snapped. He grabbed my arm and pulled me into his hut anyways.

He took a sharp breath and pulled a first aid kit from under his bed, then went into his bathroom. I heard water running. He returned with a damp towel. “C’mere…” He motioned to the couch.

“This is useless, Ethan. It’s just going to come back tomorrow. It’s not worth your time.”

“Then what about the cut?”

“Maybe I deserve it.”

He exhaled. “You’re not Clancy.”

“What?”

“Whoever you are… You’re not him anymore. Because he would never believe that.” Ethan said, his voice low.

Anger seemed to dull my senses. I sat on the couch, giving up on my stubbornness. “It’s a cut. Do you really need to do all this?” I asked softly as he wrapped my forearm.

“If that shit gets into the cut, I don’t know how to fix it. This should make a barrier.”

“It’s called the substance, Ethan.”

“I don’t care what it’s really called— it’s shit. It doesn’t do a bit of good for you.” Silence fell over us as he put the supplies away.

“So you’re really not going to tell me what he said?” I asked as he’d begun to wipe the substance from my hands. He froze.

“I can’t.”

“That’s a lie, and you know it.” I gave him a fake smile.

“Clancy, do you really want to know?” He looked up at me with worry in his eyes.

“Why would I be asking you if I didn’t?”

“All you do is torture yourself.” He scrubbed at my hand a little harder.

“And all you do is make it worse.” My voice raised. His expression seemed to flicker.

“He said he can’t wait for you to come to Dema. He said he’s going to use your weak female body to puppeteer more of us into the city, then he’s going to make you wish you never escaped in the first place. He’s going to turn you into something unrecognizable. And we’ll never see you again. Is THAT what you fucking wanted, Clancy? That’s what you wanted to hear so badly?” Tears streamed down his cheeks. A chill coursed through my body. “Clancy… Answer me.” I grabbed the cloth from his shaking hand. “Clancy…” He sobbed. I stood quickly and stumbled. He grabbed my arms in an attempt to steady me. I tore myself away from him.

“I need to be alone. Don’t follow me.”

“Please, no, you can’t—“

“I’ll clean it off.” I turned away.

“I know you’re lying, Clance. You can’t do this. I need you. I can’t lose you.”

“Goodbye, Ethan.”

“Don’t push me away, Tr—“

I slammed the door shut.

Chapter Text

I didn’t care that this was dangerous. I saw someone very alive within that wall of flames, and I was going to save them.

I pulled him by his sleeve as hard as I could, doing my best to avoid the flames. He stumbled. He spun around and I realized his clothes were on fire. I took a shaky breath and tackled him, sending both of us to the floor right outside the room.

He seemed to black out for a few moments. I held him down, desperately grasping at the burning clothing to put the flames out. His breathing quickened as he seemed to wake up. He took in my face, eyes moving rapidly.

“Get off me. You’re just a kid.” His face contorted with pain. I pulled away. He wasn’t much older than me.

“So are you.” I tried to sound gentle.

His expression shifted slightly.

“Get out of here. You shouldn’t have seen that.” He said quickly. I glanced at the room beside us. I still felt the heat.

“Ethan, right?” I asked. He nodded. “Clancy. Guess I’ll see you around.”

His expression darkened. “You won’t. I’m leaving as soon as possible.”

My eyes widened. “You can’t—“

“Out of this city. I’d never let myself get glorified. Not…” He glanced at the fire. “Not if it makes someone like that.”

“I know how this anger towards them feels. If you ever want to talk.”

“I don’t want to talk. I told you to leave, Clancy.”

“Ill see you out there. I’m not sticking around either, Ethan.” I realized Keons was coming and rushed to get away from the situation, not looking back.

Chapter Text

I watched as Clancy got progressively more upset. His eyes were closed. His breathing got heavier. He started to cry.

Before I knew it, he was sobbing in my arms. I simply held him. I tried to be an anchor, to hold him to this reality, and in a sick way I suppose he was doing the same for me.

He was reminding me of the present. He was reminding me of who my family truly was. Because even if the ones who raised me are gone… I still learn a new lesson each day I interact with these people. And perhaps they do mean more to me because of that.

“I’m so sorry, Ethan.” Clancy cried into my shoulder, speaking for the first time in what felt like a few minutes. I took a deep breath and nodded, resting my chin on the top of his head. “I never wanted it to be this way.” He struggled to speak. I had no tears left to cry. I nodded again.

“Clancy… I don’t know what to say, bud. I really don’t.”

“I wanna help you. I wanna make it easier for you. Less painful.” He sniffled.

“And that’s the difference between you and the rest of them, Clance. You would’ve comforted them. You would’ve done it the right way.”

“Don’t say that.”

“Why?”

“Ethan… I didn’t want that.” He sobbed.

“Oh, Clance. I know. I know. I’m sorry.”

“It’s all my fault. All of this suffering.”

“No…” I looked over at the door as it opened. Martha poked her head in. I exhaled in relief that it was her, not any other option.

“I hurt so many people. Over and over… Including you. I should’ve— I sh…” He couldn’t seem to finish his sentence.

“Clance?” I whispered.

“I should’ve stayed gone.”

“Clancy.” I forced him away from my embrace, making him gasp. I held him tightly by the shoulders. “You need to snap out of this.”

“Ethan, I—“ He noticed Martha as she knelt beside us. “I…” His eyes welled with fresh tears.

“I don’t care what happened to them, Clancy. They were already gone. The bishops could’ve threw them into the sea, or put them into a little box, or had them as a fucking snack. I don’t care. It wouldn’t change the fact they’re dead. They’re not coming back. But you know who came back? You know who I care about more than them?”

His bottom lip trembled.

“Clancy, it’s you. It’s always been you. It’ll always be you. You are my family. Nothing that happened to you, nothing that you learned… nothing can change that.”

Clancy tried to speak but all that came from his mouth was sobbing, wailing. Martha took over holding him and I tried to breathe.

“My baby… My angel… It’s all going to be okay… Just breathe… Breathe.” Martha spoke softly, and Clancy slowly seemed to calm down. As she looked up at me, I realized two things simultaneously.

The first was that she seemed to be crying too, just as I was, just as Clancy was.

The second… Her eyes.

Bright blue, brown around the edge of her irises. This was correct. This was the way she’d been for as long as I’d known her.

The yellow was gone.

Chapter Text

I cocked my head at Ethan. He’d been staring at me with his mouth slightly agape. He snapped himself out of it and took a deep breath. My head felt fuzzy and I knew he was messaging.

“Your eyes aren’t yellow anymore, Martha.”

I simply nodded. They’d changed today, I noticed it when I woke up. My attention shifted to Clancy. He was still crying, so I continued to hold him. His head was pressed close to my chest, and I was stroking the back of his head with my left hand, my right hand supporting his back. I looked back up at Ethan. My eyebrows furrowed.

“What happened?” I mouthed.

He closed his eyes.

“They’d been hiding something from me. It got let out about an hour ago? Tyler ended up here with me. He started to regress and he admitted to me… My… My family… They didn’t get to rest when they died. They were… Forced to become part of the substance. Any bodies that couldn’t be used as vessels would share that fate. Sage found out, I think because of her dad— eventually all of them knew. Clancy and Damien knew from their time as bishops. Tyler is off somewhere with Damien now, he was really mortified that he’d said something. But I’m glad he told me. Clancy ended up coming in when I opened the door. And we just… It spiraled.”

“Mom?”

I looked down at Clancy, and it took me a moment to process what he’d called me. He was watching me with wide eyes.

“Yes, honey?” I held in my tears.

“I’m sorry that I hurt you so badly.”

“Not anymore, Clancy. Not anymore. You’re here with us again. That’s what matters the most.” I said quietly.

“I said terrible things to both of you. I never meant it.” He looked at Ethan.

“Clance… You were hurting. I understand. We’ve all said things we haven't meant. We move on.” Ethan tried to be reassuring, but I could feel his heartbreak.

“I’m sorry. I can’t… I feel like a child.” He buried his head into my shoulder.

“We never really talked about it. Maybe we should’ve sooner, honey. But it’s okay. It’s our past. You’re better now, aren’t you? You were…” I thought about what Mark and Gabe had told camp when Tyler was having struggles with the radio broadcast. “You were just sick. You’re all better now…” I stroked his head. He took a deep breath.

“It feels like a dream sometimes. To be here again. I don’t want to wake up from it.”

“You’re here, Clance. We’re not leaving, and you’re not either.” Ethan assured him.

“Ethan, I’m so sorry about what happened to them. I didn’t even consider it until Tyler brought it up to me. It’s like that was his first thought. It makes me feel selfish.”

“All that information does is give me a little more detail into their fate. I knew they’d died. I… I saw it. And I know you saw it too. Unless they’re… Inside your boyfriend… I’d say they, uh… They get to rest. And that’s what I’d want for them.”

Ethan’s strange wording seemed to snap Clancy out of his slump. He sat up and looked over at him.

“What?” Ethan smirked.

“You could’ve come up with better wording for that, man…” Clancy exhaled.

“But it made you stop crying.” He grinned. Clancy smiled, shaking his head slightly.

“It did…” He admitted.

“Martha, remember the time he hit his head and started singing when we gave him dycopherate?” Ethan met my eyes. I smiled and nodded.

“Oh my god, I really assumed you would’ve forgotten that—“

“Coconut coconut sharks in the water…” I grinned.

“Seriously, that was so stupid…” Clancy’s eyes widened and he trailed off.

“Son?” I cocked my head.

“I… I just remembered something else. But I’m not sure how to explain it. I doubt it’ll feel significant to you…”

“We’re listening, Clance.” Ethan prompted. Clancy closed his eyes.

Chapter Text

I slowly came to. My ears felt far away from the rest of my body, my eyes felt heavy and unable to open.

“Clancy…?” A voice asked.

“Mmm…” I nodded slowly. That’s my name, yes… “Where am I?”

“Martha’s coming— oh, here’s Ethan. Here’s Ethan, right here. I know he can help you. It’s okay.” The voice assured me.

“Hey, buddy.”

“Ethan?” I asked hoarsely.

“Let’s sit you up a little.”

As he moved me, dizziness forced me to keep my eyes closed.

“Ethan, where am I right now?”

“Clance, you’re in the middle of camp.”

“In a hut?”

“No… We’re outside.”

My eyes shot open and the amount of people surrounding me immediately overwhelmed me. Crouching to my right was a younger man, spiky black hair and hazel eyes, wearing a camo jacket with a yellow hood.

“Sorry, Clancy. I don’t mean to intrude on your personal bubble or anything. Do you need any help, Ethan?”

“I’ll just take him to Martha’s. Thank you, Gabe.” Ethan replied. He nodded and gave me a polite smile before giving me more space. Gabe. That’s right— the Torchbearer. He’d just begun to take over duties for Ethan, leaving him more time to help me as my seizings became more frequent and harder to handle.

I stared at my hands, and concern washed over me as I realized they were still moist— it had appeared as a very thick layer this time. I watched the substance drip lazily onto the dirt as my hands began to shake.

“We’re gonna go slow. Lean on me, I’ve got you.” Ethan prompted. I nodded.

“M’ sorry…” I frowned as I realized I’d gotten the ashy substance on his hoodie.

“Oh, Clancy, don’t apologize. You’re alright. We’re gonna get you taken care of. I see Martha, she’s meeting us right here, okay?”

“Okay…” My eyes drifted closed again before I had a chance to see her.

…

I felt something warm and wet against my neck. Someone was humming.

My eyes drifted open. Martha smiled at me, but her eyes looked glossy and tired.

“Hello, Clancy.”

“Am I going to be okay?” I blurted.

“You need to rest, honey. I’ve almost got it cleaned off.”

“Did anyone catch what Nico said this time?” I asked hoarsely.

“Ethan is out talking to people right now… You know he’ll find you answers.”

“I hate it when it happens in public.” I lowered my head. She ran her fingers through my hair, instantly relaxing me.

“I understand. But now we can regroup. Relax. Start it over…”

“This was a bad one.”

“Mhm… But it’s over now…”

“Hey, Martha?” She looked up at me. “I really appreciate you. All that you do for me.”

Her expression softened. “Honey, we’re family. I’ll always be here, you know that, don’t you?”

“Yeah.” I nodded weakly.

“Remember that, Clancy. I’m always going to be here.” My eyes felt heavy again. “Just relax, you’re okay… You can sleep if that’s what you need. I’m gonna be right here.”

Her voice was all the comfort I needed. I fell asleep quickly, and I had no nightmares.

Chapter Text

“I just… I love you both so much. I’m so glad I have the opportunity to be with you again. It means the world to me.” Clancy’s eyes were watering again, but the tears didn’t leave them.

“And you deserve this second chance, my son. What happened to you was not in your control. You deserve happiness. You deserve a break. And I hope we can give that to you.” Martha spoke gently, still halfway in a hug with him. Clancy took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry I just had a bit of a breakdown.” He said quietly.

“Happens to the best of us.” I shrugged slightly. A soft knock at the door made me jump. “It’s probably Tyler. I can get it.” I stood and ignored my shaking legs.

I observed who was on the other side of the door. Tyler, clutching a candle. Abby, her arm around him.

“Abby… Ty. Come in…” I nodded slightly. Tyler seemed nervous.

“Martha, Clancy. It’s good to—“ Abby trailed off suddenly as she seemed to notice a few things. Assumedly that Clancy had been crying, and possibly Martha’s eye color.

“C’mere, Abby.” Martha coaxed. She sat beside her.

“Ethan…?” Tyler asked softly. I nodded. “Are… Are you going to be okay?”

“Yes, Tyler. I accepted what happened to them a very long time ago. If anything… This gives me closure. So I’m glad you told me.”

He glanced between Clancy and Martha, as if he didn’t believe me.

“What happened, exactly?” Abby asked hesitantly. Clancy closed his eyes.

“Clance, you don’t have to be here for this.” I offered.

“It’s alright. I can elaborate a little more if she has questions.”

“Alright. Uh… You understand my family was glorified, Abby? But they wouldn’t be able to use the bodies due to the… The state they were in.” I looked her in the eye. She nodded. “It turns out… They didn’t exactly get to rest. It… How do they become it?” My voice lowered.

“There’s a pit in the basement of the glorified wing. The pit used to contain the substance. Bodies that were too damaged to be used as vessels… They’d become assimilated. They would turn into that substance.” He spoke just above a whisper. I studied Abby’s expression. It slowly shifted as she seemed to process the implications.

“So… That black stuff… It’s, uh…” She glanced at Tyler. He nodded grimly. “Wow.”

“Sage found out about it recently, I guess?” My eyebrows furrowed.

“Her dad… He committed suicide. He chose to go inside the pit in order to end his life.” Clancy said. A new wave of shock washed over me. I closed my eyes.

“That’s terrible. For… Tyler, Clancy, you both are… Ugh. Can I ask a question that’s probably insensitive?”

“Shoot, Abbs.” Tyler shrugged.

“What did it taste like?”

Clancy and Tyler both seemed to shudder. “Metallic. Like… Blood.” Tyler murmured.

“I don’t know how Damien deals with it so well these days.” Clancy sighed.

“Fuck, that’s right, he still… He still has it, doesn’t he?” Abby looked in awe.

“The doctors don’t know if it’ll go away.” Clancy elaborated quietly. “But at least he’s the only one. No one else was given that fate. The rest of it faded away when the Bishops died.”

“Thank god.” Abby exhaled. “Th-Thank you for telling me. Was I the only one out of the loop?”

“Ethan only gave me the basics about an hour ago, honey.” Martha assured her.

We fell into a period of silence. I closed my eyes again, breathing deeply. I felt arms wrap around me. I assumed it was Abby. I returned the hug, squeezing tightly.

“I’m sorry, Ethan.” My eyes drifted open. Tyler was the one hugging me.

“Ty, it’s okay. It’s over with.” My eyebrows furrowed as I was reminded of something he’d told me about two months ago. “My family is right here… You’re my safety.”

“And you’re mine.” He whispered.

Chapter Text

I froze in the middle of the courtyard as nausea suddenly hit me like a train.

“Oh no…” I whispered. I looked around frantically. I spotted someone in the distance and waved my arms.

My vision began to warp. I gagged. “Fuck—“ My breathing became desperate.

“Damien?” I recognized this voice. But it was too late.

“Oh shit, he needs a—“ a second voice, even more familiar.

I gagged again, my knees giving out on me, sending me to the floor. I squeezed my eyes shut.

“Damien, I’m going as fast as I can. Mark will stay with you.”

“Rae—?” I wheezed.

“I’m getting the stuff!” He called urgently. I heard quick footsteps leaving my vicinity.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and jolted.

“Uh, hey.”

“Mark…”

“Yep… I, uh, I’ve got you, man. I’m sorry you’re not feeling good.”

“This is a weird one. I— I know it produces more when I’m stressed, but—“ I gagged again. “It’s not coming out.”

“What’s bothering you?”

“Oh, god, Mark.. Tyler told Ethan about the substance.”

“Holy shit. No wonder you’re gonna puke. Are they— Where… Shit!”

“I think they’re both okay. I was on my way over to make sure. Tyler was with Abby for a while, she offered to distract him basically…” I trailed off as another wave of nausea hit me.

“I don’t think Gabe and Josh know. Surely they would’ve messaged me… Gabe said he was gonna chat, I was asleep for a while, I just… Ugh. God. Never a dull moment, right, Damien?”

I nodded weakly.

“It’ll be okay— Here’s Rae. Here he comes.”

“Here we are, Damien.” I reached out my hand shakily. I put the shot glass to my lips. I followed my routine. By the third time, I felt like I could open my eyes again. My vision focused on Rae. He looked nervous, and I sure as hell didn’t blame him for that.

“Rae?” I asked softly. He nodded, pouring the dark red liquid into the trash receptacle. He looked away briefly to pour the next dose. “Thank you for helping me right now. I’m sure I don’t deserve it.”

He frowned. “You always deserve help, Damien. I’m not going to make you vomit based on some kind of vendetta.” He handed me the shot glass. I took a deep breath.

“I haven’t seen you until now. But Dina and Henry assured me you were doing so well… I wouldn’t stop asking, I’m sure it became annoying. You’re not in any pain, are you?”

“Oh, I’m just a little sore. It’s okay.” His eyes trailed down to my hand. “You should really take that, Damien.”

“Ah. Right.” I nodded quickly, taking the dose. I swished it around in my mouth and spat it back into the glass. It looked bright red again.

“Mm… One more— just in case, okay?”

“Sounds good.”

“Damien, I’ll come with you to check on everybody, okay?” Mark said softly. I nodded as I took the shot glass back from Rae. I swirled the liquid around in my mouth.

I’d certainly avoid citrus for the rest of my life— which is how long I assume I’ll have to deal with this process. If it hasn’t gone away yet… it feels like it never truly will.

I spat into the glass. Rae took it. He gave me a slight smile. “Perfect. I’m glad I happened to be in the area.” He cocked his head a little.

“Me too.” I smiled back at him, and he seemed to relax. “Rae… I’ll show you how much I’ve improved. One of these days. But right now, Mark and I need to check on some people. I… We have a lot to talk about.”

“You going to check on someone is some good proof already. Just ask Henry to get in touch, Damien. I think I’m going to say hello to a friend.”

He reached out his hand. I took it. He helped me up. Mark put an arm around me to help keep my balance.

“Rae— Thank you so much.”

“It’s just my job, Damien.” He nodded.

It was more than just his job, and we both knew it. He could’ve sent someone else out here. But maybe he wanted to face his fears. And I sure hope I was less terrifying than what his mind made me out to be over the last few months.

Because I’m better now.

That’s what I keep telling myself.

That’s what everyone keeps saying.

So maybe soon I’ll start to believe it.

Chapter Text

Tyler threw himself into me the moment he saw me, hugging me tightly.

“Hey, Ty… What’s going on?”

“Can we go home?”

“Yes, yes— Is everything okay?”

“It is now.”

I made eye contact with Ethan. He nodded, giving me a slight smile. That was all the confirmation I needed. I scanned the room quickly. Clancy and Damien were also in an embrace. Martha smiled at me. Abby gasped and approached.

“Don’t forget your candle, Tyler.”

“Ah— thank you so much. It was really fun. A good distraction.” His eyes grew distant.

“Hey, if you ever need that, I’ll teach you more crafts. I’m always here, Ty.” She beamed.

“Thanks, Abbs. See you later?” I smiled.

“Of course, Mark.” She patted me on the arm, returning to her seat beside Martha.

“Okay Ty. Let’s head back.”

“Mark… I have weird news.” Tyler said softly as I held the door open for him and allowed him to step out.

“Weird?” I cocked my head.

“It’s not good. But it’s not really bad…”

“Damien told me Ethan found out.”

“It’s my fault…” He whispered.

“But he seems okay, Ty…” We began to go downstairs, headed for the exit.

“He is. He handled it so well. When I realized what I’d said, who I’d said it to… I just… I… Nevermind.”

“Let’s not say nevermind…” My eyebrows furrowed. He glanced back at me, and his expression showed me his anxiety. “You’re aware you can tell me whatever’s on your mind, Ty?”

“I am. But you don’t wanna hear it.”

“Say it anyway.” I shrugged. He stopped walking, crouching. He sat on the step he’d stopped on. I joined him hesitantly.

“Mark, I really didn’t want to be here. It’s the first time I’d felt that in a while.” A chill coursed through me.

“Oh.”

“But— I brushed it off really easily. I knew it was just… Just my head giving me an easy way out. You know? But it sucks that that was my first reaction. Something bad happens and my brain thinks, oh, let’s just end it…?”

“I’m sorry, Ty…”

“But it’s fine. I brushed it off. I’m okay now. I know it’s not rational…” He looked up at me and his eyebrows furrowed. “This is why I didn’t wanna tell you. You’re concerned. I promise I’m okay now. I just… We get to go home. It’s done. I can just relax the rest of the day…” He assured me.

“Are you talking to Dina soon?”

“Tomorrow.”

“You should bring that up, okay?”

“I will…”

“Alright, Ty…”

“You don’t believe me?”

“I do. I do… I just worry about you and Josh right now.”

“I know. Because of the date. It’ll be a hard two weeks. But I can handle it.”

“You know?”

“Yeah. Josh was going to make a timeline again. I couldn’t be there for it. I went to see Ethan, and that’s why things turned out the way they did today.” He paused, taking a deep breath. “Ethan told me it was better for him to have closure. But I’m not so sure I would’ve wanted to know if I was him.” Another pause. “I’m worried about how Josh feels about the whole anniversary thing.”

“Gabe’s with him, Ty. Josh will be alright. And we’re gonna make sure of it, yeah?”

“Yeah. Here, let me help, your leg—“

“Oh, Ty, I’m all healed! I’m okay. Do you need help getting up?” He exhaled, shaking his head. “You okay?” My eyebrows furrowed.

“So much has changed in a year. And I guess it’s mostly for the better, isn’t it?” He stood and gave me a weak smile.

“Mhm… Mostly.” I nodded. He grabbed my hand as I stood. He squeezed. I squeezed back harder. “Let’s get you home, Tyler.”

Chapter Text

I hadn’t seen Tyler eat this fast in a while. At first I was relieved— but then I realized he might be eating fast due to the way we’d been treated before.

“Ty?” I asked softly. His eyes darted to me immediately. “Are you being mindful?”

“Mm…” He glanced down at himself. His face turned pink. He swallowed what was in his mouth. “Sorry.” He murmured.

“It’s okay, it’s okay. That’s… I get it.” I nodded a little. “How’s your throat feeling?”

“Not so bad… I definitely wouldn’t make it much hotter, though.” He shrugged.

“That’s an improvement! It’s pretty warm, eh?”

“Is it bad that the thing I missed most besides people during those two weeks was Gabe’s cooking?” He smiled a little. I scoffed.

“Nah, understandable.”

He’d started cooking for us when Mark and Tyler came home— potato soup. We talked about what happened today, we shed some tears… Then Mark and Gabe headed home, taking a portion of the soup with them.

“Did, uh… Did you get that timeline all sorted?” Tyler asked gently.

“Lots of gaps. That’s expected… But it’s a pretty solid account for at least half of it.” I shrugged.

“Maybe I can look it over with you. When I’m ready.”

“It’s in the desk drawer, I made sure to put it away after Gabe and I talked about it so you wouldn’t see it by accident.”

“Considerate. Thank you, Torchy.”

“What can I say…” I smiled a little.

We returned to eating. It was quiet, but not uncomfortably so. Right as I finished my bowl, Tyler looked up at me.

“Josh, Damien really helped me today. He feels so different now…”

“That’s good, Ty.” I nodded.

“Hopefully you’ll be able to talk with him soon. Like the way you did with Clancy? To just… Clear the air and all.”

“Mmm…” I looked away. I wasn’t sure how comfortable I was with the idea of him and I being alone, especially not after I’d forced myself to relive our first few interactions in vivid detail this afternoon. “Maybe you can come with me.”

“Sure, I could do that, Josh. If it helps.”

“It would. I, uh… I’m not going to worry about that right now, though.”

“No, I know. I just think it would help, once you feel a little better.” Tyler replied.

“I feel maybe you forgive and forget a little easier than I do.” I admitted after a few moments of quiet. Tyler’s expression shifted. “Uh— forget isn’t the best word—“

“I understand, Torch. I guess I agree.” He shrugged a little. “I know what he did was pretty bad. I guess what both of them did was. But I’ve done bad things too, haven’t I…?”

I struggled to think of an example of Tyler doing something I’d consider bad— something that couldn't be explained away very easily via manipulation.

“You can’t think of anything for me, can you? I can see it on your face.”

My eyebrows furrowed. “Ty, I really can’t.”

“Because there’s always a reason behind it. An excuse. Right?” I nodded slowly. “It’s the same for them. It’s about time you’d process that part. I mean— you’re allowed to be angry. But I think I’ve spent all my anger, Josh. I’m ready to move forward. I don’t want to be stuck in the past. I’d rather let it drift away into a distant memory. More distant than it started off as, at least. I wanna move on.”

“I guess I just need time to really process everything, Tyler.”

“If you ever need to be alone like you were today, I can go visit someone. I, um… I promise I won’t divulge any more crazy secrets to people.” He smiled halfheartedly.

“Let’s just take it day by day.”

“Hmm. Sounds familiar.” His eyes unfocused as he stared at the wall behind me.

“Ty, are you sure you’re gonna be okay?”

“Yeah. I agree with you, the whole day by day thing. Hell, even minute by minute if it gets hard. I just need to stay focused on how things are right now. Because they’re very different from a year ago. And it’s mostly in a good way.”

“It can only go up from here, Ty.”

“And it will. I know it will.”

I looked down and realized he was offering his hand. I took it. He squeezed my hand tightly. I squeezed back.

“Ty, would you wanna go outside and watch the sunset?”

“Sure, Torchy. It’s almost time, isn’t it?”

“Maybe another hour.”

“Well, I’ll help you clean up and everything…” He motioned to the bowls.

“Sounds good.” I nodded. He took the bowls into the kitchen. He faced away from me and turned on the sink.

“Josh.”

“Hmm?” I cocked my head.

“I love you, man.”

“Ty, I love you too.”

“Just wanted to remind you.” He looked back at me and smiled.

Chapter Text

I knelt at the edge of the pit. He was on the other side waiting for me, turned away.

“I’m here.” I said softly. “Just like you asked me to be.”

“Sage… I wanted to look at you one last time.” His voice was strained.

“Why don’t you turn around?” I asked.

“Oh, my poor child… You wouldn’t want to see me.”

“Dad… Why did you ask me to do this? Adrian is worried that I’ve been sleeping so much, but I’ve been trying to connect with you.”

“I just wanted to tell you, Sage…” He paused for a long time. He hunched over slightly. “I’m so sorry for the pain I’ve caused you. You never deserved it. I just wanted to know how you were doing.”

“I’m… I’m managing. You know, it’s not easy for me to be an orphan.” I regretted the words as soon as they left my mouth. His posture shifted.

“Sage… What happened out there?”

“The Bishops are dead. Didn’t you see the substance has dried out? It’s right behind you, if you’d turn around and face me.”

“Was she in any pain when she went?” He asked softly. I winced.

“They said it was immediate. But they also told me your death was an accident.”

“It was a mistake. That’s what it was.”

“When are you going to let yourself rest, Norman?” My voice raised.

“It’s not my choice. I ended up haunting Jean for a while, not by choice either. I can tell it’s broken him. But I really wanted you to know the truth… My daughter. You deserve to know the truth.”

“Maybe I didn’t want the truth. Maybe I’d accepted the fact I lost my parents in accidents out of their control. I would’ve been okay. But now Adrian is always on edge because of me.”

“You keep him around. He's a good kid.”

“I’m trying to.”

“Sage?” I didn’t respond. “Do you really want to see me?” He whispered.

“Maybe it’ll help you get to where you need to be, Norman.” I murmured.

He took a deep breath. “I just don’t want to scare you. My poor baby…”

“Dad…”

He turned about halfway, still obscuring two thirds of his face. “You look beautiful, Sage.” I saw a hint of a smile on his face. I noticed small details. The substance was all over him, still wet. It leaked out of the corner of his mouth. His eye was bloodshot.

“T-thank you.” I said quietly.

“My daughter. I’m so proud of you.” He said, a little louder, his voice rasping. I nodded a little. He turned a little further. I held my breath. Bits of flesh on his cheek and nose were simply missing, but the substance seemed to plague the tissue that would be exposed, leaving everything in a thin layer of black. The other half of his mouth was missing lips, exposing teeth. His other eye was milky and white, with no pupil. “I love you, Sage.”

“I… I love you too. Dad… Go find Mom. She’s… I’m sure she’s waiting for you, wherever you’re supposed to go.”

He reached out a shaking hand, covered in dark red liquid I slowly realized was blood. I leaned forward in an attempt to meet him, to allow him to touch me in a final action of comfort. His eyes widened. “Wait. Sage—“

I opened my mouth to speak and lost my balance. I fell forward, into the pit.

“SAGE—“

Chapter Text

Something just changed. I can feel it.

Things were really starting to go south for me. The longer I felt his presence, the more I began to doubt my sanity. The more I pondered leaving. I had the list that the residents had created— I knew all the ways I could perform that action.

Henry wouldn’t believe me if I told him I’d been seeing Nico and Norman every time I slept. Norman and I would share conversation, so I began to believe he was really present. I’d heard Tyler and Josh say they were haunted by a friend of theirs for about a month after his passing. But not this long after he’d died…

Nico was a different subject entirely. He refused to speak, no matter how much I pleaded. Maybe he couldn’t. It took me a while to piece together who he was. At first, he simply stared at me. I’d try to run, but I would never gain distance. He terrified me. And I couldn’t figure out what he wanted.

But he just vanished in the middle of my dream, and I was stuck completely alone for what felt like hours.

Something changed.

I can feel it.

Chapter Text

“Hey, Clancy…?”

“Damien?”

“Something feels different all the sudden.” I said softly.

“How so?” He looked up at me. I pulled away from him. “Damien, what do you need?”

“I don’t know. I think I’m okay— I’m trying to figure it out.” I felt lighter.

“Do you need a cleanse? I know you just had one a few hours ago, but… I dunno.” I looked over at Clancy and the world felt like it lit up around him. “Damien, can you talk me through this?” His eyebrows furrowed with concern.

“Clancy… I’m probably wrong. But I think it’s gone.”

“What…?”

“I think the substance is gone.”

“How can we check?”

“Uh… I— I’m not sure. I guess I could see if they can stop cleansing me. See if I vomit it again. But I know everyone would worry about that.”

“Mm…” Clancy shook his head slightly.

“Didn’t you say Martha’s eyes had shifted today? They weren’t yellow anymore?”

“Yeah…”

The two of us locked eyes.

“Something’s happening, Clancy. Like everything is reversing.”

His expression shifted and he leaned away from me further. “You okay?”

“I—“ He closed his eyes. “You don’t think that I’d… Because I came back… That I’d… Go away again?”

“Oh, Clancy… We can’t think that way. All the doctors we’ve talked to say you’re alive. You’re staying that way. There’s no signs to indicate otherwise.”

“They said you’d never be cured from needing cleanses, too—“

“I don’t know that for sure. I just know… Things feel different right now.” I took his hand in mine. His expression softened.

“I just can’t lose this again. I don’t want to lose my family… I don't want to lose you.”

“You won’t. Not on my watch.”

Chapter Text

I looked over at Josh. His eyes were fixed firmly on the sunset. I debated my next action. I took a slow breath and put my head on his shoulder.

“Hey…” He smiled, putting an arm around me. “Are you tired?”

“Yeah… But I don’t wanna go to bed. I wanna stay here with you.”

“I’m with you no matter what. You know that…”

“I know.” I smiled a little. I shivered slightly as a gust of wind passed through the courtyard.

“You cold?” He asked softly.

“Mmm. I’ll be alright.”

“Hang on, Ty.” I pulled away as his posture shifted. He unzipped the olive green jacket he was wearing and draped it over my shoulders.

“Dude.” I scoffed.

“You know I run warm.” He shrugged.

“Thank you…”

“It’s no big deal, Tyler. I’d… Do anything for you.” His eyes refocused on the setting sun. Mine observed his features. He looked a little less tired than yesterday.

“I know you would… Trust me. I know.” I murmured. He put an arm around me again. I reassumed the position of my head on his shoulder. “Torchy, I’m sorry that you had to go through all that. Last year.”

“Ty…” I could hear his concern, as if he was thinking, let’s not start this again.

“Josh, aren’t I allowed to be sorry without blaming myself? I… I just wish it would’ve been easier for you. And for that I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too, Tyler. I really am. If I had a way to go back in time… I never would’ve let them take you back there.”

“Don’t think like that. They would’ve found a way.” I shook my head slightly.

“I’m just glad this is where we ended up… all things considered.”

“What, in the city?”

“Not necessarily. Just… Together. Close like this… Watching the sunset? I think I had a dream like this once.”

“You’re so cheesy. I love it.” I smirked.

“Hey, you’re the one that decided to attach yourself to me so closely after everything happened, Ty. You chose this.”

“I did.” I shrugged. “I’m glad I did.”

“I’m glad you decided to trust me.”

“Maybe the best decision I've made in the last two years or so…”

“I could think of a couple others.”

“Eh, saving about a hundred people is overrated.” I scoffed. He laughed at me.

I relaxed my body and allowed my eyes to close as the sun left our view. Out of those hundred people, I think I chose the most important ones to call my own.

Chapter Text

“I’m right here, baby. I’m not going anywhere.” Adrian assured me softly. Dr. Henri re-entered the room.

“Sage, are you sure you’re comfortable with this?” He asked. I felt the electrodes on my head, the yellow cords that connected them to a large machine I wasn’t sure exactly how to describe— looming was the word I kept thinking of.

“I’m nervous, but I want to be able to help you guys figure out what’s going on.” I nodded.

“This is very new technology, developed about a year ago. So if you notice any discomfort, let us know, and we’ll pull you out of there, okay?” He met my eyes. I nodded again. “Velma will be monitoring you directly, but Jean and I will also be in the loop. While you’re asleep, your body should be still. Adrian can stay in here with you, but…” He turned to look at him. “You won’t see much.”

“That’s okay. I just wanna be here when she wakes up again.” He said softly.

“Right. Would you be okay if I give you the sedative?” He turned back to me.

“Um— You’re sure you’ll be able to hear me when I talk?”

“Yes, as long as you speak aloud within the dream, we should be able to hear you in reality. If this technology works, we can get hints of where you are too— hopefully in the basement as planned. Let us know if that location changes.”

“Okay. Okay. I think I’m ready.”

“Remember to tell us if something feels wrong, and we’ll pull you out right away.”

I took a deep breath and nodded.

I looked away as he injected my arm.

Adrian stroked my shoulder gently.

His face was the last thing I saw before my vision went dark.

Chapter Text

I tried and failed to put the pieces together in my head. Jean was watching me intently, and I tried not to focus on his eyes.

Martha has suddenly been cured from the post decomposition phase, her eyes are now a normal shade, and she confirmed she was able to feel pain and hunger after a few prods from us this morning.

Last night, Jean confided in me he’d been seeing Norman and Nico in his dreams, but Nico suddenly vanished, leaving him with a strange sort of clarity after a bout of depression had made him hardly able to function this past month.

Sage is currently alone in the dreamscape, inside the necromancer’s room— there’s no sign of her father, and that seems to confirm the fact he’s left this plane of existence and has gone to rest.

It’s been working similarly to how we were told Tyler acted when he was in that space with Clancy back at the Trench camp, the microphones are capturing her speaking aloud. Adrian has been good at being quiet while Velma records the data.

But most curious of all… Damien claims the substance is gone. And my detector corroborates that idea even just a little, his reading only half as loud as it was a day ago.

What could have changed so suddenly?

“Doctor.” The door swung open, making both of us jump.

“Adrian? What’s going on—“

“Something’s wrong with Tyler.”

Chapter Text

“Tyler, can you hear us?”

Yes. I can.

“Ty, I wish you could just give us a sign.”

I wish I could too.

But right now… I’m a little preoccupied.

“Nicolas.” I murmured. He squinted at me for a moment. A smile spread across his face. That fucking smile… I shivered.

“We meet again, Tyler. Or should I call you Clancy?”

“It doesn’t matter what you call me. I’m about to kill you a second time.”

“I’m only here to give you some clarity.”

“I don’t want to hear a word of it.”

“Tyler, I love you so much. More than anything.” I heard Josh’s voice echo.

“Your torchbearer sounds upset. You better get back to him… I’ll make this quick.”

I balled my fists. “If you try to touch me, you’re dead.” I growled.

“Oh, I won’t. I think I learned my lesson last time, psychic one.”

“What the hell do you want from me?” I raised my voice.

“Let’s just say… Some unfinished business has kept me around. Not in a traditional sense… But just enough to cause some fun around here. To manipulate someone into performing some vengeful actions.” I instantly thought of Damien. “To make people paranoid. To make them suffer, just a little, because it’s fun, Tyler. It’s very fun… You should try it sometime.”

He tried to reach for me and I grabbed his hand. He seemed surprised that I’d acted against him. I stood my ground and I felt a smile form on my face as I thought of an idea. I grabbed his wrist with my other hand. I interlocked our fingers and began to force his backwards. I watched his expression contort into pain. He gritted his teeth. I heard a snap and he yelled in pain. I let go and he doubled over, clutching his hand.

“That’s what you fucking get. I dare you to try touching me again.” I snarled.

“Tyler. I need to tell you something about why you’re here. About why I sent you here.” He wheezed.

“Yeah? Then get to the point.” I retorted.

“I can feel my grip on all of them fading. Clearly the spirit has decided he’s ready to leave, after he said goodbye to his child.” My eyebrows furrowed. Who is he talking about? “I just wanted you to know something, Tyler.” I simply waited, suddenly aware of how warm this dark room had become.

“You will always be a monster. And you will see everyone you love die. Because you cannot escape life. No matter how hard you try— no matter how hard I tried to make that decision for you. You will end up alone.”

“I’m going to FUCKING KILL YOU.” I screamed. I charged at him. I seemed to go right through him, sending me falling forwards, an icy chill coursing through my entire body. I felt numb.

But then, slowly, there was a new feeling.

Pressure. Warmth. My hand…

Someone was squeezing my hand.

I squeezed back as hard as I could.

I suddenly felt Nico’s body underneath me, unmoving. And something began to shift.

Chapter Text

“A little warmer, Ethan.” Dr. Henri murmured. Ethan obliged, putting his hand into the water. He’d been warming it steadily with his torchbearing, as Tyler’s body heat was strangely low. He was half upright sitting in the tub. I knew he’d be embarrassed when he woke up since he was only wearing his boxers, but that was pretty low on our list of concerns.

We needed to make sure he woke up at all.

His eyes were moving rapidly beneath his eyelids, an indication that he was seeing something. Maybe it was a dream, but the way he passed out with no warning terrified me. I’d sent a message to everyone I could think of— and in my panic, not a doctor. But Adrian had been in the hospital wing already— he said Sage had a checkup of some kind— so Henry and Jean came rushing to help me.

Carrying him in my arms was not something I’d missed, especially not when I’ve been thinking about what happened a year ago. But somehow, I’ve kept myself together this time.

“Henry, can I try something?” I asked.

“What is it?” He retorted.

“Uh…” I glanced around at Ethan, Martha, Adrian, Mark and Gabe. “Maybe if I hold his hand. It could snap him out of it.” I said softly.

“It’s worth a try, Josh.”

Ethan put a hand on my shoulder as I reached out to Tyler. I took a deep breath and grabbed his hand. I squeezed as tightly as I could.

Tyler’s breathing shifted slightly.

I gasped as I felt him squeeze back, just a little. “He’s going to wake up.” I murmured.

Chapter Text

Nico seemed to dissolve under my weight, as if he was made of sand. The cloak remained. For just a moment, I pondered touching it. Taking it. But I needed to break the cycle. I needed to return to my friends. Let me out of here.

I felt the hand squeeze a second time. I used all of my strength to return the gesture. I closed my eyes tightly.

When our fingers touch—

I feel my way back home.

I felt wind in my ears, a spiral of dizziness washing over me as I seemed to move through something— as if I was moving quickly and the wind pelted against me. But then it stopped.

“Holy shit.” I choked out. I felt like I was in a bath of ice. My eyes shot open and I saw all my friends.

Josh was holding my hand.

“Ty… What happened?” He asked gently.

“I’m freezing…” My teeth had begun to chatter. I glanced at expressions that were growing progressively concerned. “What?” I looked down and my eyes widened. I was in only my boxers, in some kind of bathtub. “Can someone explain what the hell is going on right now?”

“You’re in warm water. Your body temperature was dropping fast, we had to try to combat that…” Dr. Weil crouched beside me.

“Why’d you call the whole damn city over here to watch me bathe?” I felt my face flush. Mark laughed, clearly a response to being nervous, yet I felt a bit of relief as I met his eyes.

“We can leave.” Martha offered. I locked eyes with her— and her eyes weren’t yellow.

“Your eyes are normal again!” I gasped. She smiled a little. “Wait— Wait. Oh my god, I think I know what’s happening. Nico. He’s gone. He’s finally gone.”

“What?” Dr. Weil’s voice lowered.

“Jean, Nico spoke to me. He said there was a spirit he’d attached himself to, he said he could manipulate us in little ways. But he felt himself fading. And he… He said…” I trailed off as I recalled exactly what he’d told me.

“Tyler?” Henry asked softly.

“Clancy. I think he and I…We might be here for a long time. Nico said he tried to kill me. And it… It didn't work.”

Adrian left the room quickly, mumbling something, and I processed the fact he was here to begin with as he turned away.

“Tyler, you’re suggesting you and Clancy have some kind of immortality?” Jean asked softly.

“I mean… You saw that stomach wound, didn’t you?” Gabe murmured, looking around at Ethan and Martha. “And his recovery from this more recent injury— you said it was quick…” He turned back to the doctors.

I reached for my neck and froze when everyone seemed to tense. “I still don’t understand what’s happening— but I know none of you do either.” I took a shaky breath. “Can everyone just leave me alone for a second?”

“We can give you some space, but Henry and I are not allowed to leave.” Dr. Weil spoke firmly. I nodded my head.

I caught each person as they left the room. Ethan. Martha. Mark. Gabe. Josh— wait.

“Josh?”

“Ty…”

“You can stay, okay? If you want?”

“I’ll stay.” He nodded. He crouched beside me and held my hand again.

“Tyler, are you still feeling cold?” Dr. Henri asked. I shook my head. “Good…” He took a deep breath, glancing at Dr. Weil. “We’ve been testing things all morning, Tyler. Because there has been a change. And this explains a lot for us. If Nicolas was truly the one manipulating so many of us… With him gone… I feel things are going to get much easier for you. For your friends. And I’m grateful that Josh brought you here, so we were able to put those pieces together.”

“What else has changed? Besides Martha— her eyes? Is she okay now? Like, fully…?” I sat up a little further.

“She’s confirmed she can feel pain and hunger. Her wounds are just faint scars. We’re going to stop the preservation fluid and see what happens. As for other things…” Henry turned to Jean. His expression softened.

“I've been experiencing some strange dreams. In many of them, I was speaking to Sage’s father. But then I’d have dreams where Nico was standing there. Looming. And he’d never speak to me. With me being on sabbatical… It became harder and harder to think clearly. I was having a rough time. But last night… He vanished. Then Sage told us she spoke to her father in a dream— like both of you had experienced with your friend?”

“Paxton.” I whispered. He nodded. I realized the spirit Nico had referred to must’ve been Sage’s dad— had he been keeping Nico here with him somehow?

“And— Damien.” Jean seemed in awe.

“His reading for the substance has gone down significantly. It’s very good news.” Henry cut in. Jean nodded, smiling a little.

“Wow…” I exhaled. I glanced down at myself again and realized I was still sitting in the bath. “Uh… C-could I get out of this thing?”

“Oh. Yes— of course. Let me get a towel and some fresh clothes for you.” Dr. Henri left the room quickly, leaving Dr. Weil, Josh, and myself alone.

“Dr. Weil, I’m glad you’re feeling better.” Josh said softly.

“Thank you, Josh. I appreciate it.”

“When I’d asked where you were, Dina said you were on vacation. Doesn’t sound like you really got to relax…” I murmured.

“I feel like I can actually think again. I had this awful brain fog. Mixed with how depressed I’d become… Things got a little delirious.” He spoke quietly.

“Josh and I both know what that’s like…” I shrugged. Josh’s eyes trailed to my shoulders, then down to my stomach. I put a hand over the scarring, snapping him out of it. He squeezed my hand a little as a sort of silent apology. I squeezed back.

“Shit, I’m going to have to clean up that mess when we get home.” Josh muttered.

“Mess?” My eyes widened.

“Oh— no, it’s okay, Tyler. I know you didn’t mean to—“

“No— what happened? I don’t remember.”

“You dropped your coffee mug when you fainted.” His voice lowered. “I didn’t care about trying to clean it right then, I just… left it.”

“Did the mug break?” I asked. He nodded. “Aw, man. That was my favorite one we had.” He smirked a little. “What?”

“I just think it’s funny that the mug is your main concern.”

“I mean, I’m fine now…!” I shrugged, though my lighthearted tone faltered a bit as I felt a lump in my throat. I’d passed out unprompted, dropping my mug, leaving glass everywhere? “You’re not hurt, are you?” I asked softly.

“No…” He looked down at me again. I followed his eyes and realized there was a bandage around my arm. “You fell on it a bit, Ty. I tried to catch you, but you went down fast.”

“Oh. Shit.”

“It’s just a minor cut.” Jean assured me.

“I hate this feeling.” I sighed.

The feeling of piecing things together after simply being gone for a while. Everyone’s pity they’re unable to hide. Things revealed to me almost too suddenly, making me feel sick.

Dr. Henri came back into the room. He handed me a towel and set a stack of folded clothing onto a nearby chair. “Here we are, Tyler.”

“Thanks… Uhh…” I swallowed nervously. “Do you still have to be here for this part?”

“Well—“ Dr. Henri began.

“Wait. Why don’t I stay with him? If there’s anything concerning, I can just message the two of you.” Josh interjected. Henry and Jean glanced at each other for a moment. “Is there anything specific you’re concerned about?” He added, his voice lowering a bit.

“His body is likely weak after all that energy spent inside that alternate dream space, let alone because he’s fainted.” Jean murmured.

“I’ll keep him steady. I’ll dress him myself if I have to. But…” Josh locked eyes with me for a moment. “He trusts me. I’m not saying he doesn’t trust either of you, but… With recent anniversaries and all…” His voice got softer.

“One more caveat I want to make sure you’re aware of…” Henry’s eyebrows furrowed. Josh nodded. “Are you sure you’d be able to message after you sent one to so many people earlier? Is your strength high enough?”

“If you… You could wait in the hallway, right…? Just in case?” He asked hesitantly.

“Of course.” Jean nodded. “We can do that. I trust your ability, Josh.” He turned to Henry. He looked a little less confident about the idea, but followed Jean out the door. “We’ll be right here.”

The door shut. I finally relaxed once I heard the sound of the latch— meaning it had closed fully.

“Alrighty, Ty… Whatever you need from me. I’ve got you.” Josh smiled, just a little.

“Thank you. Y’know… You always seem to know exactly how I’m feeling.”

“I just… If I were in your situation… Having someone in a higher position watching me while I have to do that stuff would make me super nervous, even if I trust those two— which I do…”

“Yeah. Exactly.” I nodded a little. I looked down at the towel. “This feels like it just came out from sitting in the sun, or out of the dryer, something like that. It’s really warm.”

“That’s a good thing, right?”

“Mhm…” I almost stood without warning him. “Uhh, I want to stand up— can I?”

“Alright. Hang on. I’ll hold the towel, I’m gonna be right here for you, okay?” He was in the proper position immediately.

I handed him the towel. “Thank you…”

“Of course, Ty.” He set the towel on top of the stack of clothes and stuck his arms out a little, crouching to my level. “That’s what friends are for.”

Chapter Text

Tyler used the edges of the tub to brace himself as he sat up all the way. He brought his legs up to his chest. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

“Are you doing okay?” I asked softly.

“Yeah. I'm a little dizzy already.”

“I’m right here for you, Ty.”

“I know. Thank you.”

“Just take your time.” I assured him.

“Should we drain the tub?” He asked. I glanced down at the bottom of the tub and saw the plug was on the opposite side of him, where his legs had been.

“I’ve got it.” I leaned down and pulled it. Water swirled down the drain.

“Hmm.” He started moving again.

“Woah there, let’s go slow.” I warned.

“I’m okay.”

“Your eyes are still closed…” I chided. He opened them quickly.

“See? All g…” His eyes rolled back.

“Oh, god.” He slid down into the tub again. “Tyler…?” I stroked the top of his head.

“I’m awake. I’m okay…” He murmured.

“Why don’t we get you a little dried off and then we can worry about sitting up after that?” I asked softly.

“Mhm…” He slowly opened his eyes again and reached out his hands for the towel.

“No, no. I’ve got it. I’ve got you.” I unfolded the towel. “Let’s start with your hair, okay?”

“The dizzy feeling isn’t so bad anymore. I can do it.” He said.

“If you’d rather me give you some space—“

“I just…” He sighed. “Sometimes it still surprises me.”

“What does?” I cocked my head.

“How much you care about me.” His expression softened.

“Of course I care.” I started to dry his hair. He relaxed his body immediately and I paused, making sure he hadn’t passed out. He was still awake. “Tyler, I know you’d do the same for me— Or Mark, or Gabe… Hell, for half the people we hang out with, huh…? It’s really not a big deal.”

I patted at his neck, his shoulders, his upper back. I didn’t want to dry this section off in a way that could irritate his skin, especially not with the scarring, so I was extra cautious.

“Thank you.” He repeated softly.

“It’s no problem.” I assured him.

The water had fully drained now. Tyler took a deep breath. He opened his eyes hesitantly as I moved to his chest. I worked in silence. My hands were sweating. It was a little weird to be doing this— to be this close. But I’d had to do worse for him, with his injuries, and both of us knew that.

It doesn’t need to be weird… I’d do this for Gabe or Mark, right?

But… Would I?

He tensed as I brushed against his arm with the towel. “Oh, sorry Ty.” I realized I’d pressed down on the cut on his arm, although it was through the bandage.

“It’s alright.” He shrugged a little.

“Are you still dizzy?”

“Not at the moment.”

“Good…” I shifted to his other arm. I could feel him watching me. I locked eyes with him. “Do you want to try and stand up again?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Here, I’ve got you.” I held onto his arms and helped him sit up. “Dizzy?”

“No. I’m okay. A little shaky, but… Okay.”

“Let’s wait for a second.”

“Mhm…” He took a deep breath.

He made eye contact with me and something about his expression made my heart race. Something felt wrong to me, and I couldn’t place it. “Are you okay?” I whispered.

“Yeah.” His expression shifted a little when I didn’t move. “Are… Are you okay?”

I took a shaky breath and nodded my head.

“No— Josh, what’s wrong?”

“I’m just worried about you, Ty.”

“I think that I’m alright.” He blurted. My eyes widened as I realized it sounded like he’d sung those words. I pretended I hadn’t noticed it as his eyes became unfocused.

“Let’s try to stand up.” I murmured. He’d gone quiet, but he held onto me as he slowly lifted himself up. “Good… Good. You’ve got it…”

“Thank you, s—“ He squeezed his eyes shut. “Oh my god. I need to… Ugh.” He whispered.

“Hey, hey… it’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.” I held onto his arms tightly as he swayed a little. “Ty…? Dizzy?”

“I’m not dizzy. I just— I need to get out of this.” He said softly.

“How can I help?” I asked.

He opened his eyes again and scanned my face. His eyebrows furrowed. “Josh…”

“Tyler?” I whispered.

“I love you.” He hugged me tightly.

“Oh, I love you too…” I gently returned his embrace.

“You do so much for me. Thank you.”

“I’d do anything.” I replied. He pulled away and glanced down at himself.

“Well…” He smiled a little. “You don’t want to do this part. Can you turn away?” He grabbed the towel from the stool. It took me a while to realize what he meant.

“Oh! Yes. Sorry.” I blushed.

“It’s fine, Torchy…” He said softly as I turned. I took a deep breath, my eyes lingering around the room. I saw movement out of the corner of my eye and realized a little too late that I’d focused my eyes on a reflection, captured in some kind of medical equipment. I squeezed my eyes shut as I realized what I’d seen. We’d done a lot to help each other over the last two years, and we’d seen a lot of each other due to that, but… Maybe that was a little too much.

“Thank god this is all black clothing. If he would’ve handed me the typical Dema garb, I think I would’ve lost it.” Tyler murmured.

“Can’t blame you…” I shrugged.

“You good over there, Torch? You seem tense.”

“I’m good.” I forced myself to relax.

“Well, I’m dressed, so…”

I turned back around. The slight smile fell off his face. “If me getting dressed behind you made you that uncomfortable, you should’ve said something…”

“What? No— it’s fine. You’re fine…”

“You’re looking a little pink, man.”

“Uh—“ I turned away to look at the metal surface again. We made eye contact through the reflection. His eyes widened.

“Oh. Well. That’s, uh… Sorry.”

“I didn’t mean to see anything, I swear—“

“Dude, I know you’re not a creep. You’re all good…” He shrugged, though he was blushing too.

“You’re not dizzy anymore?”

“I feel way better now that I’m upright.”

“Want me to get the doctors?” He nodded. “Okay.” I opened the door and poked my head out. “Hey, he’s okay. He got dizzy for a sec, but we got it sorted.”

“We pieced it together.” Henry nodded. My eyebrows furrowed. “The walls are thin.” He clarified, his voice lowering slightly.

I looked back at Tyler and he started laughing. Henry had a bit of a smirk as he grabbed a blood pressure cuff off the counter. “Let’s get your vitals real quick, Tyler.”

“Alright.”

“No worries, Josh.” Jean murmured to me as Tyler’s focus shifted to Henry. “I’ve seen weirder situations.” I simply nodded, my face only growing warmer. Can someone sedate me?

Chapter Text

I rushed back into the room and the world seemed to fold in on itself as I realized Sage was already awake.

“Adri.” She murmured. Velma was sitting in the chair I was supposed to be in.

“Sage, I’m so sorry.”

“Velma explained that there was some emergency with Ty, it’s okay, I get it—“

“I was supposed to be here with you.” My eyes filled with tears.

“Is he okay?”

“He woke up, so…” I shrugged.

“Adrian… Come here, honey.” Sage urged. Velma stood and pushed the chair closer to the bed, allowing me to sit. I held both of her hands. “It’s okay. I’m fine, baby. I’m fine.” She assured me.

“I promised you I’d be here when you woke up.” I felt like I was in a daze. She pulled one of her hands away and ran it through my hair.

“Hey— It’s okay. Seriously.” She repeated. “I wasn’t scared or anything.” She glanced at Velma. When I looked over at her, she’d turned away— I couldn’t read her expression.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered.

“Adri.” Her hand trailed to my neck and I winced. “Oh… Dr. Wilson… Could you please get that lotion?”

“Of course. I’ll be right back.”

“Your neck looks raw, honey…”

“I didn’t realize I’d been scratching at it.” I admitted, embarrassment washing over me.

“You don’t need to worry about me so much.” Sage locked eyes with me.

“Was he there with you?”

“No, Adrian. I think he’s resting. And he deserves that. He deserves a break. You know?”

“I just hope he’s happy now. Wherever he is.”

“Me too, Adri. That’s all we can ask for.”

Chapter Text

I woke up in a bathroom with warm lighting. I was sitting on the floor. I looked down at myself and was shocked that my hands weren’t covered with the substance. I scrambled to my feet and looked in the mirror.

“Oh, wow.” I whispered.

I looked like myself again. I wasn’t…

I wasn’t a monster anymore.

I heard voices outside the room and my eyebrows furrowed. “Where am I?”

I hesitantly approached the bathroom door. Another thing I realized— I felt no pain.

I turned back to the mirror to catch another glimpse of myself and saw I was dressed in comfortable clothing, light blue, white, yellow. I reached down and felt my pants. “So soft…”

I heard laughter. I took a few moments to brace myself for where I could be, every option racing through my mind, all of them feeling impossible.

I reached for the door handle. A golden knob. I twisted. Someone on the other side gasped as the latch clicked. I took a deep breath and opened the door slowly.

Those gentle brown eyes. Silver streaked straightened black hair. Tanned skin that hadn’t seemed to age a day. Round glasses.

“Rose…” Her name felt unnatural coming from my lips.

“Oh, Norman… I was hoping I’d see you soon.” She smiled, and my body seemed to surge with a comfortable warmth.

I used to be so cold.

“Here, come, have a seat. There’s someone you should meet. He and I have really bonded the last few months. He’s heard so much about you— about Sage…”

Sage.

“I miss her.”

“I know… I do too, Norman. But I won’t let her join us so soon. She needs to grow old with Adrian.”

I nodded. “I agree.”

“Here, let’s get you something to drink. I just made something special.”

I followed her to the kitchen and realized I was barefoot. The carpet was softer than my clothes. She poured a brown liquid into a mug.

“You’ve never been a coffee drinker…” I raised an eyebrow.

“Peppermint hot chocolate.” She clarified, handing me a mug.

“You and your peppermint…” I smiled. I took a sip. “Oh… This is excellent.”

“It comes out perfect every time. And Pa— oh! That’s right. Let me introduce you. Sorry, I’m so scatterbrained. I just… I can’t believe you’re finally here.” I nodded again, a little nervous at the concept of meeting another person. I looked to my right and saw a curved white couch facing a wall. The wall had a large projector screen on it.

“Rose, what is this place…?”

I think I knew the answer already.

“It’s the rest of our existence, for as long as you want to be here.” She put a hand on my shoulder.

“What happens when I leave here?”

“I’m not sure. But they say it’s like sleep.”

“I feel like I’m already sleeping. Like I’m in a dream.”

“It took me a while to get used to it, Norman. I won’t overwhelm you with details. We can stay in the house for a while.”

I took a few steps forward and froze when I saw another person. He was sitting on the floor right in front of the couch.

Rose circled the couch and crouched beside him. “Hey, Pax…”

He removed the headphones from his ears. Rose fixed his blonde hair as if she’d done it dozens of times. “Hey. Is Onyx coming over?”

“Not today— but. We have a guest. Someone I’ve been waiting for.” She met my eyes and smiled. I hesitantly approached. The boy turned to look at me.

“Norman?” He asked softly.

I nodded.

“I’m Paxton.” He jumped up and hugged me. I wrapped my arms around him hesitantly.

“Paxton… It’s nice to meet you.” I met Rose’s eyes as he pulled away.

“We found each other here. I helped him clean things up a little…” She smiled at him.

“Oh, uh… Martha and Abby kind of handled cooking and stuff. I’ve never been good at it, even though they tried to teach me.”

“Martha…” I repeated softly. Rose’s expression softened.

“I was able to stay with her for a few months in Trench. She was doing so well— she had a rough patch lately, but…” She glanced at Paxton. “We don’t have to get into all that now.”

“I know how much she meant to you.” My eyes trailed to the yellow band around her finger.

“I’m so glad you’re here.” She smiled.

I took another sip of the hot chocolate. It hasn’t shifted in temperature, still perfectly warm.

“I’m glad I’m here too.”

Chapter Text

Mark shot me a glance as the door slid open. “I mean, I can look at you too if you wanna call it even—“ Tyler’s jaw fell open mid sentence, his arm around Josh.

“That was a JOKE!” Josh clarified loudly. Tyler nodded frantically, both of them looked flustered.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, guys.” Mark smiled.

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing.” Tyler sighed deeply, his face bright red. “Where’s the glass and stuff…?”

“Josh mentioned it, so we came over here to clean it. And I made you some food.” I explained, leaning against the kitchen counter.

“Oh, Gabe, Mark— you didn’t have to do all that.” Tyler’s voice softened. “Thank you so much.”

“I know it’s been a weird start to your morning, so… I figured maybe we could slip back into old habits a little.” I smiled. My gaze trailed down. “Your arm is okay, right? Do you need anything for pain?”

“Oh, that’s nothing.” He replied confidently. His expression turned sour as he seemed to realize being in worse pain in the past wasn’t really something to brag about.

“I don’t want to push it, but… How are you guys doing lately?” Mark asked gently. Josh looked to Tyler for an answer.

“Come back to me.” He shrugged, his voice quiet.

“Oh, so you’re leaving me to answer the tough questions, Ty?”

I was suddenly getting Deja vu.

“Sorry—“

“No, no, I’m just messing around.” Josh assured him. Tyler took a deep breath and sat beside Mark on the couch. “Uh… I dunno, Mark. At least it’s over. That’s what I keep telling myself. I remind myself of all the stuff we do now that we didn’t before the event. Sometimes that helps.”

“Mm.. You didn’t have such a nice kitchen before this. I didn’t either… Big bathroom… The ability to go where you please, not just stuck in camp…?” I listed a few things. Josh nodded.

“I miss it sometimes. Camp. But I know things are better now.” Tyler said softly.

“Trust me, Ty… We all have some good memories there. It’s very bittersweet.” Mark agreed. “Lots of new experiences out there, and all…” He met my eyes and smirked. I knew the memory he was thinking of and promptly looked away, my face flushing.

“Yeah. New for you, I suppose?” I retorted. Mark wrinkled his nose at me.

“Care to share?” Josh cocked his head.

“Nope.” I said quickly, a smile forming on my face. Tyler squinted a little.

“Was this thing before or after you guys got together?” He asked, a hint of a smile on his face. My eyes widened, my face getting warmer.

“You’re acting like you guys didn’t make out a month after being reunited!” I blurted.

“Woah, it was a peck on the lips! A peck!” Josh defended himself, his face turning red.

“And that was before we went to second base with the whole neck thing.” Tyler seemed to brag, grinning.

“TY!” Josh covered his face with his hands. Mark burst into laughter. I scoffed.

“Okay, okay, let’s stop torturing Josh and eat some food, yeah? Before it gets cold?” I offered.

“Yeah. Sorry, Torchy.” Tyler smiled sheepishly. I began to split the breakfast onto four plates.

“Mmmf.” Josh ran his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath. “Could be worse. You say it’s torture, but at least you didn’t stick your fingers in an open wound.” The room fell silent. “Sorry. I just… I thought if I could joke about it a little… Maybe it would make it easier to process.” His voice lowered.

“Josh, whatever makes it easier, I won’t judge you for it. I’m all for some jokes…” Mark said softly. Tyler nodded.

“Ty, I just don’t wanna make you uncomfortable.” Josh murmured.

“I think we’re past that.” Tyler shrugged. “You and the concept of being uncomfortable are in completely separate folds of my brain.”

“Well… Good. That’s the way I’d prefer it.” Josh nodded a little. He joined me in the kitchen. “What did you make, G?”

“Oh, I just kept it simple this time. Eggs and sausage.”

“Sort of nostalgic, hmm?” He smiled a bit.

“Yeah… Hey, Ty?” I looked up at him. He cocked his head at me. “Are you okay with fried eggs? I know I usually make scrambled…”

“Uhh, yeah.” He nodded quickly.

“Alright. Cool.” Josh helped me take plates and forks to Mark and Tyler. “Coffee? Tyler, I’ll put yours in the fridge—“

“Can I just have it as-is?” He asked.

My eyebrows furrowed. I thought hot coffee made his throat hurt. “Are you sure?”

“Mhm.”

“Alright…” Josh grabbed the coffee creamer from the fridge and started working on them.

“He’s getting better with temperatures.” He whispered to me.

“Oh, good…”

“Warm has been okay. Just not hot.”

I nodded. I watched him put a tiny bit of creamer in one, a solid pour in the other three. “And he has creamer with his coffee now, even if it’s warm?”

“A little, yeah.” He smiled.

“Things really are changing, huh? Right under my nose…” I sighed.

“I wonder how everyone’s doing. Maybe we set up one of those circle things in the courtyard again. It’s been a while.” Josh suggested.

“I can spread the word about that… How’s tomorrow afternoon sound?”

“Ty?” Josh approached Tyler and Mark with the mugs. I took Josh’s food and mug over to him, then grabbed my own. “How would you feel about another little group circle thing? Tomorrow afternoon, maybe? Just to check on everybody?”

“Sure. I think that would be nice.” His expression shifted. “Could we invite Damien? I— oh. Uh… I was going to suggest Rae as well. But maybe not. If Damien is there. But, I wouldn’t want to leave him out, with him being so close to Clancy and everything… Maybe ask both of them. I wouldn’t want either of them to feel awkward.” He rambled and promptly fell silent.

“We can ask around.” I met Mark’s eyes.

“Yeah, we’ll take a tally.”

“Thanks, guys.” Tyler smiled. I watched him take a sip of coffee. He smiled a little bigger.

Chapter Text

He was finally out, safe in my arms.

He hadn’t gotten much rest last night.

I reassured him over and over, but he refused to sleep, so I stayed awake with him. But, finally, when the sun had risen, he drifted off.

And— just like I told him countless times last night— he’s still alive. He hasn’t vanished.

He’s not going anywhere. Not on my watch.

I took this as an opportunity to become more familiar with him, his appearance, the little quirks I might not focus on when we’re both awake and talking.

His eyebrows usually furrow even when he’s asleep, and he’s got the wrinkle lines on his forehead to prove it. But this morning he seems more relaxed than I’ve seen him in a while, and I’m grateful for it.

He smells like lavender, and I can’t seem to figure out how he manages to do it— it’s not his body wash, his shampoo, he doesn’t wear cologne… It’s like he just has an aura about him that’s instantly calming to me.

Lavender is quickly becoming one of my favorite scents.

My eyes trailed down to his chest. He said he doesn’t have full feeling in certain spots even still, that the surgeon in Dema wasn’t the most experienced. But he assured me it was far better than the alternative of no surgery at all.

The scars are a little ragged, not like the strong clean lines I’d seen in restricted Dema textbooks. He said Martha called them lightning bolts, that they were battle scars, that he should be proud of himself for getting far enough to earn them. He’d tried to hide it from her and Ethan, at first, but he was seized in the middle of trying to take his testosterone shot. Ethan had busted open the door, and he explained it to them. Of course they were very supportive.

Knowing how they treat me, I didn’t doubt that for a second. There’s a small part of me that doesn’t understand how they’re so kind. But everyone seems to be that way around here. And I’m blessed to have that.

Just under those scars, the ones he wanted, were the ones he didn’t want. They’re faint, but the sight of them makes my stomach a little weak, knowing what they were from.

Lisden told me about the gore, as if he was bragging. He said Andre laughed so hard he choked on his own spit. I wish it would’ve killed him. What a death that would’ve been. Andre carried around the dagger the entire next day. I couldn’t eat. I didn’t speak. I refused to look anyone in the eye.

I took a shaky breath and forced the memory of it out of my head, along with the vivid image I’d conjured from Lisden’s description.

Clearly it wasn’t as bad as I assumed if all that’s left is a few scars, right?

Clancy stirred and I tensed. He groaned softly, turning to face me. “Hmm…” He felt around with his hand, as if he was trying to figure out who I was. He felt my arm with his palm, and I felt it, a dull sensation against my scarring. He smiled a little and pulled himself closer, putting his body against mine.

“Damien.” He whispered.

“Go back to sleep, Clancy…” I murmured.

“I’m glad I’m with you.” He rested his head on my chest. “You’re warm. Should’ve done this a long time ago.”

I smiled. “Guess they were right about something, right?”

“Hmm?”

“We did like each other.”

“That’s the only thing. Don’t give those assholes credit.”

“I know…”

“So glad you’re here.” He mumbled.

“I love you.”

“I love you too… I think that’s the first time you’ve said that, Damien.” He lifted his head a little.

“What? Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” He opened his eyes halfway, gazing at me.

“I’ve been thinking about it for much longer, Clancy.” I admitted. He exhaled and smiled at me.

“Since we’ve broken down that proverbial wall, I could say it about a million times over. I think you’d get a little annoyed at me.”

“I can’t get annoyed at you.” I scoffed.

“I love you. I love you. I love you…” He grinned.

“What? Didn’t hear ya.”

“Love you. I love you. Damien, I love you.” I smirked. “I looooove you.” He sang.

“Clancy.” I sighed. He rolled over so he was laying on his stomach.

“What’s up, Damien?” His voice softened.

“How am I so lucky to be here? Do I deserve this?”

“I… I think the same thing quite a lot. But… You have it. Be grateful for it. Cause it’s not going anywhere.”

“Like you.”

“Yeah. Like me…”

“Til death do us part? Eh— death and rebirth and death again?”

“Something like that.” He smiled.

“You wanna go back to sleep, Kitty?”

“Maybe a little longer.” He put his head on my chest again. “We really need a stupid nickname for you.”

“Any ideas?”

“Almost called you puppy earlier. That felt weird, though.”

My face flooded with warmth. “Yeah, no. Absolutely not a puppy. We can’t have people thinking we’re, uh… Wearing collars and stuff.”

“Didn’t you say you wanted a choker?”

“That’s very different! That’s fashion— that’s self expression.”

“Yeah, but if I put you on a leash…”

“You’re the one that followed me into the real world again like a lost puppy. You’re just all the animals, Clancy.”

“Sure. I’ll figure something out, Damien.”

“I’m sure you will, Kitty.”

“Ugh. Meow.” I heard his annoyance and laughed. “Wake me up if I’m not up in an hour?”

“Okay, I’m your alarm clock.”

“Better than my dog.”

“Pff… Sleep, Clancy.”

“Mhm…”

Chapter Text

Mark and Josh went to get some groceries for the room, leaving Tyler and I alone. I was a little hesitant to start a conversation. We hadn’t had time just the two of us in a while, and I wasn’t sure how he was truly doing with everything.

“Gabe, you can relax, man…” Tyler said softly. “I don’t bite.”

“Ah. Sorry, Ty.”

“It’s okay. I get it… Josh has been kind of nervous around me too. But I really feel like I’m doing okay. Now that the initial shock of, just… Time passes so fast… now that that’s over? It’s a lot easier than I thought it would be. Sure, I’ve cried a lot. But I think anybody would. And I haven’t had a full regression since that first day, when I talked to Ethan.”

“How’s it going with the daily sessions?”

“They’re a little shorter, but I think that’s good. She has a copy of that timeline. Rose’s. She won’t tell me what’s on it in advance. She explains to me what happened each day. And she asks me questions about it. How I was feeling. If I remember— which sometimes I don’t.” He shrugged a little. “It sounds intimidating, explaining it, but it really does help. Little doses of the past, uncovering stuff one fragment at a time. Not all of it at once.”

“That’s good, Ty. I’m really glad it’s helped you.” I smiled.

“Gabe, could I ask you something?” I nodded. “Are you doing okay with it? And— before you object. I know that it happened to me. But, god, I can’t imagine how scary it was for you guys back home. And the fact you were part of the team that rescued us…? Surely it would help you to talk about it too, right?”

“Uhh… Tyler, there’s not much to say.” I shrugged. His expression softened.

“I still want to hear it.”

“I’m just grateful. Both of you are okay. You don’t have any lasting impairments… Everything is just… Scars and memories.” I froze as I realized Tyler was feeling his shoulder, his hand under his shirt. “Ty?”

“It’s okay. I’m right here, G, I’m still right here… I’m not using nails or anything. I’ve been keeping them extra short lately.” He explained gently. I took a deep breath.

“You two mean so much to me. My best friends. Heh… Mark and I were talking lately. If marriage wasn’t so overrated— kind of meaningless… You’re both best man material.”

“Why haven’t you made tape rings yet?” He smiled at me.

“Oh, wow. We hadn’t thought of it. I… I’ll have to bring it up to him.”

“I have yellow tape in the drawer over there. Let’s just make them now.” His smile got a little bigger. “Surprise him with it? Get some gerberas? Make it a proper proposal.” I suddenly realized my eyes were watering at the idea of it. “Gabe?”

“Screw the officiality. Let’s… Let’s have a wedding. This weekend. Break up the sad stuff, Ty. Just an excuse to celebrate, get all our friends together, have some cider…?”

“You think he’d be down for that?”

“As long as he’s not mortified… You know, he has this nice button up shirt he’s been wanting to get rid of. He says he doesn’t have a reason to wear it. But I’ll give him a reason.”

“Dude, it’s like I just put some life back into you. You… You really love each other, huh?”

“No one else I’d rather be with.” I smiled sheepishly. “Let me get that tape.”

“There’s scissors in there too. They’re kind of a piece of junk. They’re like… Kids ones.”

“That’s okay, I’m always prepared.” I shrugged a little, pulling a small knife from my left pocket. Tyler’s eyes widened.

“Why do you—“

“Just in case I need to cut something! Nothing scary, man…” My voice softened as I realized he genuinely looked startled.

“Mmf. Okay.” He nodded a little.

“Tyler? Are you alright?” I slipped it back into my pocket and approached with the roll of tape. He took it from me and started to fidget with it, pulling a section off the roll. He looked up at me. “Do you want me to cut off the piece?” I asked.

“Yeah.” He handed the roll back to me.

“Do you need me to turn away?”

“No, no. Sorry. It’s fine.”

“You don’t need to apologize. Whatever it is I just made you think about… I’m the sorry one.”

“Sometimes I have a dream where I’m Clancy.” He murmured. I froze, looking up at him.

“What? Like… Our Clancy? Not just you with the mask and the red tape?”

“Mhm. We… We do this sometimes. We shared a dream once that I’m aware of. I don’t really know. He probably gets some of mine, too.”

“What happened to him, Ty?” I asked gently as I cut the strip of tape off the roll.

“When the Bishops were betrayed by him, Andre stabbed him. The knife he used is probably double that size. It’s just… The way it caught the light. I don’t know. It freaked me out for a second. But I’m good. I’m all good.” He assured me.

“Have you talked to him about it?”

“He’s never brought that sort of thing up to me. About his time as a Bishop…”

“Maybe you and him should talk about it.”

“Maybe…” He took a slow breath. “Have you made these before? I think I know how to do it, if you need help…”

“I’ve got it— or… You can make mine. I’ll make Mark’s.”

“Okay.” He nodded. I hesitated before I gave him the strip of tape. He looked up at me.

“Are you sure you’re alright?”

“I am.” He nodded.

“Well, only if you’re sure.” I handed it to him.

“I’m looking forward to this wedding thing. And the little huddle tomorrow, too.”

“Me too, Tyler. Would you help me pick the gerberas after this?”

“Mhm… You’re not going to buy them from the flower stand by the cafeteria? He’s open on weekdays.” He suggested. I shook my head. “A little adventure to the outskirts of the city sounds nice, Gabe.” He smiled at me.

“Alright. Let’s do it.” My eyebrows furrowed as I realized I’d made an uneven fold and couldn’t get the tape unstuck from itself. “On second thought… Teach me how to make a ring, Ty?”

“I’ve got you. Come sit next to me.”

Chapter Text

“Oh crap. I didn’t know you knew Rae.”

“Oh, he was just a family friend. We lost contact when I escaped. I… I had no idea that all of that happened recently. And… You said your brother is dating the guy that attacked him?” Ruby’s voice had gotten a bit softer.

“Uhh— He’s not actually my brother. He’s…” I sighed. “What district were you in?”

“Well, Sacarver’s, until Lisden took over—“

“Ugh.” I smiled a little. “Okay. Ruby… Maybe sit for this?”

“Is it that crazy?”

“Maybe I should’ve explained all of this sooner. I… I don’t want you to freak out.”

“Abbs… It’s okay. I won’t judge you or anything.”

“The guy that attacked Rae. He… He’s better now, of course, if my brother is comfortable with him… His name is Damien. But, when you were in the city… His name was Sacarver.”

“Abby, you’re saying he’s alive? I thought that Clan— Tyler. I thought he killed all of them.”

“That’s, uh… where it gets crazier. My brother. Clancy. You know how I’ve mentioned he was gone for a while?”

“Yeah.”

“He was, like, really gone.”

“I’m not following.”

“Ruby… He was dead. For months. But about six months after the battle, Ethan found him in his old hut. He was so weak. And he just… Got progressively better. Now, you would have no idea he’d been gone in the first place.”

“Holy shit.” Ruby exhaled.

“One more detail, girl…” I warned.

“Mhm?” She looked up at me.

“Clancy was Keons.”

“He—“ She put her head in her hands.

“Ruby, I’m so sorry.”

“Abbs, what the hell are you apologizing for?” She smiled halfheartedly.

“I don’t want to stress you out.”

“It’s just a lot of information…” Her smile got a little bigger. “So you’ve just been… Pretending your life is normal this whole time?”

“Ruby, seriously, I just… I didn’t know if you’d be able to handle all of it.”

“Wait, so why did Tyler take Clancy’s name for the whole battle thing?”

“Well— Clancy was really into the whole rebellion thing. But then he vanished— that was when he became a bishop. So most people assumed he was dead all the way back then. Tyler had— I guess has— the same ability as Clancy does. He was able to get possessed by the bishops, but he could also be the possessor. If that makes sense…?”

“Wait, wait, but I thought Tyler was working with the bishops, then he rebelled, right?”

“Oh, Ruby, he wasn’t there by choice. He and Josh were tortured, it was two weeks of violence. Physically and mentally. It was… Really traumatic for them. And… You think I’d be friends with people who’d willingly— well. Damien. Nevermind, I guess…” I grimaced. “I need you to be very clear on this— Damien and Clancy never wanted to be in those positions of power. They regretted it as soon as they became Bishops.”

“I kind of assumed, since you’re so close with them. And Tyler and Josh, I figured it was the same type of thing. I didn’t realize that’s probably why I didn’t see them a whole lot the few months I was in camp, if they were so beaten down… Well, I also know Tyler was doing those teaching sessions within the city, for the citizens. I guess I thought he’d been sneaking out. Not… Possessing people.”

“Yeah… Do you… Have questions?”

“Jeez, Abbs, where do I start?” She smiled again. I took a shaky breath. “Hey, I should thank you for telling me this. For being so honest with me. You always used to brush off this type of conversation. Now I know why. But you don’t need to hide stuff from me, Abbs. I trust you. We’re friends. You can tell me stuff. I’ve always wanted to be more involved in your life.”

“You mean that?”

“Of course I do! I love hanging out with you.”

“Ruby, thank you for not, like, being afraid or anything.”

“I should probably meet all these people… Since you’ve aired out their dirty laundry?” She smirked. I felt myself smile a little too.

“You know, we’re having a little huddle in the courtyard tomorrow afternoon. If you wanna join? It’s just a way for all of us to meet up and check on each other.”

“I don’t want to intrude—“

“I’m inviting you! My family has been wanting to see you— especially Clancy. I think you’d like him.”

“Okay. I’m in, Abbs. You said it’s the courtyard— the main one?”

“Yep.”

“Okay! I’ll be there.” Her expression faltered as she looked down. I realized the same time she did that we had beads all over the table and hadn’t made a single piece of jewelry. “Guess we better get on this, huh? If I can think of a good question, I’ll ask it.”

“I’ll answer anything.” I shrugged. “You think I should make friendship bracelets for everybody?”

“Abby, that would be adorable. Would Ethan wear it, though? He seems kind of… ‘I’m a tough guy’.” She made quotes with her hands.

“He’s not as tough as he seems. He’ll wear it if it’s from me.” I grinned.

Chapter Text

I gasped as I saw him. We made eye contact and he smiled at me. I shifted in my seat, my eyes not leaving him within the small crowd until he’d approached my table.

I asked him to meet in the cafeteria. Everyone’s told me he’s fine now, but… I don’t want to be alone with him. Not yet. Just in case.

“Rae. It’s really nice to see you… Can I sit across from you?” His voice was soft, but not shaking. His pupils weren’t too big or too small. I nearly looked down, searching for my clipboard, as if it was purely a habit to monitor his appearance.

He’s not your patient anymore.

“Please, Damien.” I nodded slightly. He broke our eye contact for a few moments as he sat and got comfortable. “I grabbed some snacks, if you, uh, if you wanted anything.” I motioned to the plate between us. He studied it for a moment before reaching for a napkin. I tensed as his hand got closer, and I think he noticed it. But he didn’t say anything. He grabbed a small blueberry muffin from the plate and set it on the napkin, but he didn’t unwrap it. He looked back up at me.

“Thank you.”

“Y-yeah, it’s no problem.” I nodded quickly.

“Rae, I want you to start our conversation. Whatever you need to tell me. Please, clear the air. Let it out.”

My eyes widened. “Me?”

“Yes… But could you do me a favor first?”

“Yeah.” I didn’t mean to whisper.

“Okay. Here. Take a deep breath in… Hold it… Exhale… Tense your body really really hard— and now relax it. Let go of the tension. Now take one more deep breath? Good… Hey, those shoulders are still looking tense— there you go… And your eyebrows, Rae. Okay. Alright. Do you… Do you feel any better?”

“I can’t believe you just became my therapist for about thirty seconds.” I scoffed.

“But did it help?” He smiled at me.

“It did… You’ve picked up on some good habits.”

“Learned from the best.” He shrugged. We took in a moment of silence. “Rae, the floor is yours. Whatever you need to say. And, please, be honest with me. You don’t need to hold back.” He urged. I looked away.

“I don't think you mean that.”

“I do.”

I took a deep breath. “Velma asked me if I wanted you taken to the tower. And I didn’t have an answer right away.” I hesitantly looked back up at him. His expression remained neutral, but I saw a hint of anxiety in his eyes.

“I thought the tower of silence was boarded up after the battle.” He said quietly.

“They changed it into a prison cell. If anything punishable were to happen in the city. And I really thought about it, Damien. Because I didn’t trust you. But I wasn’t thinking straight— the concussion and all. I took a few days to think. Then I told her no. Because even if you never got better… I couldn’t allow you to relive that period of your life and make things worse.”

“Thank you for giving me empathy.”

“I shouldn’t have left the clipboard in your room.” I blurted. His expression shifted.

“Rae, I’m so sorry for what I’ve done.” He hugged his arms. I saw his eyes watering.

“Damien…”

“I don’t want you to think it’s your fault, that you did anything wrong. It was all me. I don’t understand why you’re even talking to me. I wouldn’t be able to sit in the same room as the person that hurt me.”

“You’re nothing like Nico.” I snapped.

He took a deep breath, closing his eyes. “Rae, I don’t want forgiveness, okay? Because if I were you, I wouldn’t be that kind. I just want closure.”

“Jean told me you’re doing a lot better, Damien. That your substance level has gone down. Is that true?”

“It is true.” He opened his eyes and nodded a little.

“And you’re living with Clancy now?”

“Yeah… Um, we’re sort of dating.”

“Yes. I’ve heard. I’m glad that you have him, Damien. I know how much he means to you.”

“We just said ‘I love you’ to each other this morning. For the first time.” He looked down at his hands. “I feel so lucky to have him back. To be living without needing surveillance… To get to come outside and feel the sun…” He went quiet.

“I told you that you’d make it to this point.”

“This was supposed to be about you, Rae.”

“Damien, I’m proud of how far you’ve come in the last two months.”

“I need to do something for you. I feel like I’m always going to be in debt to you. For what I’ve done to you… How much harder I made your life. How scared you must have felt.” I watched him closely as his fingers trailed across his arms, up and down, slowly. “Rae, do you remember any of that day?”

“Yeah. I do remember it.”

His face contorted and I nearly asked if he needed a cleanse. But then he made a sniffling noise. “I don’t remember it, Rae… I don’t. I did at one point. Because I explained myself. But now… The only thing I remember is his face.” His voice shook.

“Damien, listen to me, okay?” I asked softly. He watched me closely. I felt more and more anxious as he looked more and more desperate. “I… I can’t say that I forgive you. But I want you to move past this. I understand that you were in a really bad place, that you were ill. I know you didn’t want to do what you did. And I’m glad you’re doing so much better now. So, just… Just know I want you to keep living. Keep pushing. Keep getting better, Damien. Because you deserve good things. You deserve a break from punishing yourself. After all you went through to get to this point… You deserve to be happy. So don’t let what happened between us slow you down from that happiness.”

He wiped his eyes with his hands. He took a deep breath. And then he began to sob.

“Oh, Damien…” I slowly stood from my chair and circled the small table so I was standing right next to him. “It’ll be okay…” I murmured. He’d put his hands over his face. I glanced around at the other people in the cafeteria, and luckily no one seemed to notice him. I crouched a bit. “Damien, just breathe. Just breathe… Do you need me to call someone?” I asked gently. He shook his head, taking a shaky breath.

“Sorry.” He choked out.

“It’s okay to cry.” I assured him.

“I’m just… I’m so grateful. That this is how things ended up for me. That I wasn’t just… Trapped. Overmedicated and strapped to a bed forever. I'd really started to think that’s where I’d always be.” As he spoke, he seemed to regulate himself. He finally made eye contact with me again. “Rae… Thank you for everything you’ve done to help me. I’m so sorry that I hurt you. I’m sorry that I made things so difficult for you.”

“Thank you for your apology.”

He nodded a little. I studied his face. He still looked on the verge of tears. What I was about to do wouldn’t help that, but it felt right in the moment.

I moved slowly so I didn’t scare him. I leaned in closer. I stuck out my arms. He allowed me to hug him, gently, hesitantly. And then I felt his arms wrap around me in return.

“Thank you.” He repeated in a whisper.

“Just keep going, Damien.” I replied softly. “You have so much good to stick around for.”

“I’m not going anywhere. For the first time since I was sixteen… I want to live again.”

Chapter Text

“Where are we going, hun?” I asked. Gabe looked back at me and must’ve noticed my confusion.

“Somewhere special. It’s been too long.” He smiled and kept walking.

“Gabe—?“ He looked back at me again. “Our hut isn’t there anymore.” My voice lowered.

“Not the hut, Mark. Our spot.”

“G, what do you have planned with the flowers?” I cocked my head.

“I just wanna talk! C’mon, before the sun sets.” He grabbed my hand and urged me forward, his eyes focused on the path.

This feels like more than just a talk.

“Your hand is sweating.” I noted softly. He didn’t respond to my comment. We reached a clearing and the sight of the flower field hit me with a strong sense of bittersweet nostalgia. It nearly took my breath away.

“So. Mark.” Gabe was still smiling. He stopped walking and turned to face me. “Uh… Close your eyes, okay?”

“Okay…” I did as I was told. I heard rustling.

“Open them again?” His voice softened.

My eyes focused on a bouquet of yellow flowers, outstretched in Gabe’s hands.

“What’s this for? Thank you…” I looked up at him as I took the flowers.

“Tyler and I were talking today. And he… He gave me an idea. You don’t have to say yes. But…” He trailed off and looked away.

“Gabe?”

“I’m gonna cry.” He admitted softly.

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“You wanna sit?”

I nodded, crouching. I stretched my legs out and sighed. But then I noticed Gabe hadn’t sat yet. He was kneeling. On one knee.

And then I realized what he was holding. Two yellow rings made from tape.

“Gabe, what’s going on right now?” I exhaled, smiling. His eyes watered.

“You know, I planned every little detail of this today. But now that it’s happening, I’m at a loss. I don’t think there’s words to tell you how much I love you, Mark.” His voice was low and gentle. “We already know we’re spending our lives together, but… Do you wanna make it official?”

“Official?” I repeated in a whisper.

“You wanna have a super casual unofficiated wedding on Sunday?” He grinned.

“Gabe. Are you messing with me right now?” My voice cracked. He shook his head, blinking quickly. “Uh, yeah. Yes. Let’s… Yeah.” I stammered.

“Here. Here…” He took my hand and put the ring on my finger. I gazed at him as I did the same for him. He bit his lip.

“Dude…” I smiled. His eyes widened. “You okay?”

“I— I dunno. Something about the idea of a wedding makes me emotional.”

“Well— Yeah! Me too, but…” I wiped his tears away with the back of my hand. “Did you think I was gonna say no?” He didn’t respond, his eyes boring into mine. “Gabe, I love you more than anyone. You know that. Of course I want to celebrate that love…”

“When we laughed about Tyler and Josh being our best men the other day… I hadn’t stopped thinking about it since then. I know we agreed weddings were stupid, I just…”

“G, I mean the expensive fancy ones that take years to plan. If it’s just a little gathering… I can’t wait.” I leaned in and kissed him. I felt him smile against my lips.

“Love you so much.” He murmured.

“I love you more.”

“Impossible.” He pulled me in and kissed me harder.

Good thing no one lives out in camp anymore. Good thing flowers can’t talk.

Good thing Gabe is as good at putting out fires as he is at accidentally setting them off.

Chapter Text

I slowly woke up to the smell of coffee and cool air against my face. My eyes drifted open.

The window was cracked, it was morning— the sun had almost risen fully. I heard a creak and knew it was the cabinet opening. My eyes trailed to the kitchen. Tyler pulled two mugs out of the cabinet, setting them on the counter extremely slowly, carefully.

“You don’t have to be quiet, Ty, I’m awake.” I said softly. He met my eyes and smiled.

“Morning, Torchy…”

“Morning. You’re up early?” I questioned. He glanced at the window and his smile got a little bit bigger.

“Not that early… Just excited to see everyone in a few hours.” He shrugged a bit, pouring coffee into each mug.

“Hmm.” I stretched myself awake fully, uncovering myself and slipping out of bed. “Want something to eat?”

“Take your time.” He brushed me off. “Have some coffee first, use the bathroom, whatever you need to do. I’m not in a rush today.” He looked up at me as he stirred creamer into the coffee. He smiled again, his eyes trailing down. “Gonna put on a shirt? It’s chilly.”

“Oh.” My face turned warm in an instant.

“Just messing with you. We can’t have you catching a cold, though…” He called as I rushed to the drawer to grab a shirt.

“Be right back, Ty.” I called back.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

…

I came into the main room again and my eyebrows furrowed as I heard a sizzling sound.

“Welcome back.” Tyler called from the kitchen. I joined him, looking over his shoulder.

“Scrambled eggs?”

“Am I that bad at this— you can’t tell what they are?” He smirked.

“Just surprised you didn’t want to wait for me so I could do it.” I shrugged.

“Toast is in the toaster, too. But. You do a lot for me, man. I wanted to at least try to reciprocate.” He said, prodding at the inside of the pan with a wooden spoon.

“You help me just as much.” I replied softly. He scoffed. “You do.”

“Give me one example.”

“You washed my hair when I couldn’t put my arms up.”

“Okay… Another?”

“Ty.” I raised an eyebrow. “We could be here all day. I’ll keep going…”

“Mhm…” He didn’t sound convinced.

“Comforting me when I had night terrors… Let’s be frank, taking the brunt of the abuse when we did the live show?” My voice lowered. He tensed a bit. “Beating the shit out of Damien…?” I pushed a little further. He took a deep breath.

“Alright. I suppose.” His voice was gravelly.

“You asked me. So I answered you honestly. I’m sorry if that was too much.” I put a gentle hand on his shoulder and he relaxed.

“No. It’s alright.” He cleared his throat.

“The eggs look good, Tyler.”

“Thanks. I’m doing my best. Not that it’s hard— you can’t really screw up scrambled eggs.”

“You’re doing good.” I assured him, squeezing his shoulder slightly. The toast popped up from the toaster.

“Mm.” He shook his head.

“You alright?” My eyebrows furrowed as I grabbed two plates from the cabinet.

“I don’t know what I’m going to say at our little circle today, Josh. Everyone’s been through a lot lately. For me… It’s mostly the same bullshit as it was last time. Maybe a little easier to handle, now that Nico is gone.”

“Just say that. You know they understand you, Ty. As much as I do. You should be comfortable around them.”

“I know. I guess I’ll say something to that effect. What about you?”

“Hm?” I helped him scoop the eggs onto the plate.

“What are you going to tell them when everyone turns to you?” He elaborated.

“Oh. That I’m okay… Just, uh… Taking it day by day.” I shrugged.

“Hmm. Yeah. Day by day.” He murmured. We shared a few moments of silence. “Butter or jam for the toast?”

“We have jam?”

“It’s marionberry. I think Adrian gave it to us?”

“Oh, right. I forgot.” I nodded. “That sounds good… What’s a marionberry?”

“I dunno.” He opened the fridge. “Here… The label he wrote says they were created about ten hours from here, a long time ago. Like if a blackberry and a—“ His expression shifted.

“What?” I got closer to him. He held out the jar for me to read.

Like if a blackberry and a mulberry had a super sweet kid. :-)

“Mulberry.” I murmured. He grimaced.

“Anyways. Breakfast.”

“Yeah…” My eyes scanned his expression. He looked up at me and I realized I was making a face.

“I’m okay, Torchy.” He urged.

“Alright.” I nodded.

“Hey… Relax.” I winced as he put a hand on my shoulder, something we both seemed to realize at the same time. He pulled his hand away slowly. He frowned at me. I took a deep breath.

“Coffee’s getting cold— not in a good way. Let’s eat and forget about that.” I took the jar of jam from his hand and set it on the table.

We took a collective deep breath and ate in silence.

Chapter Text

“We have to go last, okay?”

“What if they don’t start the circle that way, G?” Mark cocked his head at me. I put my shirt over my head quickly, fumbling for the arm holes.

“I’ll tell them to come back to us.” I shrugged. I peered into my wardrobe and smiled.

Maybe it’s finally time.

“Oh, bringing out the jacket again?” I turned back to look at Mark and he was smiling.

“It’s been long enough, right?” My voice softened. The scent of the many campfires we’d had plagued the fabric despite it being washed at least twice a year. I glanced at Mark to make sure he wouldn’t judge me and held it close to my face to read the scent more closely.

“Smells like fire?” He asked. I nodded.

I went to prod at the patch, the fabric under it singed and filled with holes, but—

It had been fixed.

“Mark.”

“Hmm?” He was brushing his hair, seemingly oblivious.

“The jacket is fixed.”

“Oh?” He locked eyes with me. I squinted. He smiled.

“How long ago did you do that?” My voice lowered further.

“A month ago, I think? You were talking to Tyler and Josh or something, I was home alone. I figured… I should fix it for whenever you’d be ready to come back to it.” I locked eyes with him again and his expression looked progressively concerned the longer I was quiet. “Gabe?”

“Mark…” I stepped closer to him. “This is why we’re gonna get married.” He broke into a smile, relieved. I messed with his hair a bit. “Hmm, give me the brush.”

“Alright.” He said softly.

I took a deep breath as I fiddled with his hair. “Maybe a haircut soon?”

“Maybe… Why are you nervous?”

“Oh.” I smiled a bit. “Just… Kind of big news.”

“It’s about time someone has big news that’s positive, Gabe.”

“You’re right. It’s about time.”

Chapter Text

Tyler and I sat and got comfortable. We were one of the first to arrive— Rae was sitting directly across from us. He gave us a wave and then leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes.

Abby arrived next, with a friend. I’m pretty sure her name is Ruby— I remember her from camp, somewhere between us coming back from the city and the battle. She and Rae shared an embrace, murmured voices sounding pleasant. Then Abby turned to us.

“Hey! I wanted you guys to get reintroduced.” Abby smiled at us. Tyler stood to shake her hand.

“I’m Tyler.”

“Ruby. And you’re Josh?”

“Yeah.” I smiled, shaking her hand as well.

“I, uh… I’ve heard a lot about you two. Especially recently. I know I had thanked you for doing that performance thing… But… Man. Now I really need to thank you. I guess I didn’t realize, uh… How hard that was for you.” She glanced between the two of us.

“I appreciate that. I’m just glad this is how things turned out, and that you were able to escape because of our influence. I hope you think things are better for you now.” Tyler said softly.

“Oh, far better. If this hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have met my best friend, for one… And I think I was headed down a bad path. If you catch my drift. So I’m glad you guys inadvertently halted that…” She took a deep breath. “Abby recently caught me up to speed on a couple things, and…” She trailed off as Clancy and Damien approached.

“That’s them, Ruby.” Abby’s voice softened.

“Hey, it was nice to talk to you guys. I hope you’re doing alright. I guess I’ll find out.” She smiled halfheartedly, now clearly nervous.

“Ruby—“ I called. She looked back at me as Abby began to guide her away. “It’ll be alright.” I assured her. She nodded.

Tyler and I watched from a distance as Ruby was introduced to Clancy and Damien.

“How much do you think Abby said?” Tyler muttered. I grimaced.

“Enough to where she realizes just how bad shit has been. Based on how nervous she was when Damien and Clancy came in, I think she’s been made aware of their former occupations, too—“ I cut myself off as I saw Clancy hug her. “I think it’s going well, though.” I smiled a little.

“Oh— look.” Tyler said softly. My eyes shot to Rae and Damien having some kind of greeting, and I was shocked neither of them looked anxious.

“Hey, how’s it going?” Adrian put a hand on my shoulder, and somehow it didn’t startle me.

“Hey! How are you two doing? I haven’t heard much.” I leaned back in my seat a little to look at him. He grinned at me.

“Good as we can be.” He shrugged. “Ty, you doing alright?”

“Yeah.” His expression shifted a little. “Sage, did you hear about…” He trailed off.

She nodded. “He can’t bother us anymore. He disappeared when my dad did. And I can only hope Norman is resting and that Nico is rotting in some form of hell.”

“No kidding.” I scoffed. I gave Tyler’s hand a gentle squeeze and he released tension in his shoulders.

Ethan and Martha arrived, followed closely by Mark and Gabe, who sat to our right.

“We’re all here, right?” Ethan spoke up and the soft chatter fell silent. “All the seats are filled… What a big group this time. I’m glad we’ve made some close bonds since the last time, back in February… Who’d like to go first?”

I glanced around the circle and smiled as Ruby raised her hand.

“Hey. I wanted to go first because I haven’t met some of you yet. My name is Ruby, I became a Bandito, uh… Almost this time a year ago, actually. Right after I saw a certain live performance on my TV…” She glanced in our direction. “I’m really grateful for that. Since being back here, I’ve befriended Abby. She’s the best, I’m sure you all know that.” I watched Abby’s face turn red. “She’s told me a lot of good things about you all. So I’m honored to be included in this. And I’m looking forward to your updates on how things have been going. Hopefully good…” She took a deep breath. “That’s all. Thank you.” She smiled.

“Welcome to our dysfunctional little family…” Adrian called from my left. Ruby laughed.

“Can I go next?” Abby looked to Ethan for approval.

“Of course, Abbs.” He nodded.

“Right. Okay. Uh, I have gifts. For everyone. If you guys want to take yours and pass the rest around…?” She cocked her head a little before pulling up her sleeves, revealing an arm filled with beaded bracelets.

“Dude, are those friendship bracelets?” Mark called.

“Yep. For all of us. Even Ethan…” She looked up at him and smiled. His face turned a little pink. “Here, Ruby’s got hers already, and there’s mine… Okay. Martha. Here’s yours— and here’s the stack.” She handed the pile over to her.

“Thank you very much… You made all of these?”

“Yes, Ruby and I did. We tried to match your, uh… your vibe. But if anyone doesn’t like theirs, or it’s too big or too small, please tell me, I can redo it—“

“Why would we want you to redo it? These are lovely.” Rae smiled, admiring it. I observed everyone’s bracelets as they were passed around and put onto wrists.

“Oh, Abby, you gave us matching beads?” Clancy put his wrist beside Damien’s, smiling.

“I did that for the couples, yeah. Oh— uh… For Ty and Josh too.”

Adrian scoffed as my face turned bright red.

“Abby— two questions!” Gabe passed the bunch of four bracelets to Tyler.

“Yeah?”

“First— how’d you know purple’s my favorite? And orange for Mark? It’s like you’re a mind reader.”

“I might’ve asked around a little.” She smiled. “What’s your other question?”

“How are you doing?”

Tyler tapped me on the shoulder. I slipped my bracelet onto my wrist and compared it to Tyler’s. There was some pastel pink on his, and I looked up at him. He was smiling wide, which relieved me. I realized we both had a bead with a red flower. I pointed it out to Tyler as Abby spoke.

“Oh! Wow. I forgot that was why we’re here. I’m… I’m good! Like, actually good. I’m finally sleeping properly, I'm hanging out with Ruby all the time, I get to see all of you somewhat frequently… This is the good life, right…?”

I handed Adrian the last two bracelets after looking at them myself. Lots of pink and blue, especially Sage’s.

“Woah…” Adrian gasped. “Abbs, these are so cool.”

“I hope everyone likes them.”

Her smile got wider as everyone in the circle spoke at once, all commenting on the small details they’d noticed on their own bracelets.

“Martha— what about you?” Abby asked. The circle went quiet again. Martha cleared her throat.

“I know most of you are aware of my… Sickness I’d been experiencing the last few months. I’m happy to say it’s completely cleared up now. No eye issues, no issues with pain receptors… I’m back to normal now. That’s the main thing. Besides that… I’m just glad to have all of you. I’m glad to have my family. That’s what truly matters.” She smiled warmly, and I saw her eyes trail to Clancy when she said family.

“I couldn’t have said it better myself. I feel the same way.” Ethan smiled, his expression promptly fading into something more somber. “I got some complicated news recently, about my family by blood. And it’s been a lot to process. But what makes me feel better about it is that…” He trailed off. I saw Tyler tense in my peripheral vision and squeezed his hand. He squeezed back. “All of you have stuck around, that’s more than I can say for them. You’ve all formed connections, not just with me, but among yourselves, too. And you being here is the reason I’ve fought so hard to remain here as well, all these years. I wouldn’t trade you for the world. Even if we’re a little, uh…” He glanced around the circle. “Quirky?” A few people laughed. “That’s all. Take it away, Rae.”

“Oh. Hi.” Rae smiled sheepishly. I waved a little. “I appreciate you guys inviting me to this… I’m glad to hear good things from you so far. For me, well… I just have to say I’m grateful. Overwhelmingly so. After everything that’s happened lately, I get to sit here. I get to talk. I get to… To accept apologies…” His voice lowered. “So, yeah. I’m grateful to be here. To be alive. To be healing myself, physically and mentally, a little at a time. And everyone sitting in this circle has helped me with that, whether it was significantly, or just a tiny moment. So… Thank you for that.”

I believed Rae’s recap would have the biggest reaction of the night. It took us a while to regroup and continue, everyone expressing gratitude that Rae was able to be here, that he felt comfortable enough to join us.

“Clancy?” Ethan prompted as we fell silent.

“Ah. Yes.” He nodded. “I’ll certainly continue the good news… Hmm.” He looked down for a few moments, seemingly lost in thought. Damien rubbed his back. “Uh. Abby? Did you explain that I’d… Been gone a while?” He looked up at her hesitantly.

“She did. I understand you kind of had a cool zombie moment…?” Ruby said hesitantly. Clancy's expression softened.

“I guess you could call it that…” He smiled a little. He took a deep breath. “Sitting here today feels very significant. It’s… It’s May twenty second today. The last day I was alive. The fact I’m able to sit here, surrounded by so many important people… People that I truly love… Every moment I’ve spent here has so much more meaning now. I’m… I’m never leaving like that again. I’m never letting you go. Because I realize—” He wiped his eyes, taking a shaky breath. “I realize how important you are to me. How loved I am. And how much I love all of you in return—“ I gasped softly as a sob escaped his lips.

“Oh, honey.” The circle was quiet as Martha stood and rushed to kneel beside Clancy, hugging him tightly. “You’re alright. It’s okay.” He nodded, gasping. We waited as he composed himself. Tyler squeezed my hand again and I returned the gesture quickly. Martha went back to her seat after she seemed satisfied Clancy had calmed down.

“After everything that’s happened… All the things I’ve done. Grateful truly is the word of the day, isn’t it…?” Clancy smiled a bit. “You’ve all given me a second chance. You didn’t have to forgive me. But you welcomed me back with open arms. And I’ll always be indebted to you for that. Thank you for your kindness. All of you… You’re such good souls. I’m so lucky to have you.”

I was a little surprised to see Ethan leave his seat to hug Clancy as well. The circle went quiet once again when he returned to his chair. Our eyes slowly trailed to Damien.

“I mean… How can I possibly follow up these two? Did you hear all that…?” He seemed relieved as he got a bit of laughter. “I’ll continue the trend of being grateful. I… Man.” He exhaled. His eyes trailed around the circle. His gaze stopped on me for a few moments. I gave him a hesitant smile.

“Like Clancy said. The fact you gave me a second chance. Uh… And a third, a fourth… How many times did I—?” He winced, cutting himself off. “Let me get to the point. I’m sure some of you heard. The levels of the substance I’ve been exhibiting since a certain someone left the weird spirit realm have been way lower. And I can feel it. I mean… I’m joking around, I never felt like I could do that before. So that feels really significant for me. This has been a really big turning point. And, along with that… Clancy has stuck by me through it all. And I could gush about him all day, til the sun goes down. But I think all of you get it. Just look at the guy.”

Clancy put his hands over his face which had progressively gotten redder the more he was talked about. “Woah, sorry, sorry, don’t wanna embarrass you, Ki— Ke— Clancy! Clancy.” He bit his lip. “Wow. I’m no good at this, hmm?” He looked down, smiling again. “Just… Thank you. All of you. For everything.” He looked up again. “Even those punches, Tyler.” Tyler gasped beside me. “Seriously. You helped me snap out of it. The two of you…” His eyes trailed to me again. “You’re the reason I can sit here and joke about it. So… Thanks.”

“I’ve never heard you sound so… So confident, Damien.” Mark spoke up.

“I’ve been working on it. Sort of… Unmasking myself, in a way? I’ve been holding back a lot. I never felt like I could speak my mind when… That one guy was around. And that stuck even after he died. So I’m trying to… Get unstuck.”

“That’s admirable.” Tyler said softly.

“That means a lot coming from you, Ty.” Damien smiled. He turned to Mark. “You next?”

“Come back to us, please?” Gabe blurted. I watched his eyes scan our faces frantically, and a feeling of cold dread began to loom in my stomach. Did they have bad news?

“Alright… Tyler, what do you have?” Ethan prompted.

“Uh—“ He squeezed his eyes shut. I held his hand, rubbing my thumb on the space between his thumb and pointer finger. “Sorry, that caught me off guard. I forgot what I was going to say.”

“I’m sorry, Ty.” Gabe murmured.

“It’s okay. Um… I just need a second.”

“Remember what you told me this morning?” I spoke gently. Tyler took a deep breath. He opened his eyes and his expression and posture relaxed as he took in everyone’s faces.

“Sor—“ His neck twitched a bit as he forced the apology away, and I was proud that he’d recognized it was unnecessary. “Um. Okay. Okay. Josh and I were talking this morning. And I admitted I wasn’t sure what to say. I told him… It’s all just the same stuff for me, I guess. Now that…” He glanced at Ruby hesitantly. “Now that that one guy is gone, I feel less tension. I think everyone probably picked up on that in some way, right? Less nightmares?” He got some vocal approval from the group. “I could parrot what everyone else has said all day long. But I’ll keep it short… Thank you everyone— for staying alive. Abbs, Ruby, thank you for the bracelet. I’m never taking it off. For everyone who’s ever had to talk me out of a spiral… Thanks for getting me this far. Because I know things are getting better. Even if it’s slow. Uh… Someone told me something really good once. Like, they should be a motivational speaker or something.” He squeezed my hand tightly and my eyebrows furrowed. “He said… Baby steps are still steps. Uh, he should put that on his gravestone or something. That person was my best friend. My lifeline. My soulmate. Torchy himself…” He smirked as he seemed to realize how hard I was blushing. “Josh of the duo Joshler…?” He grinned.

“Tylerrr!” I whined, drowned out by laughter and playful jabs at us. “I could embarrass you back.”

“Shoot, then.” He shrugged, smiling.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Let’s go. Embarrass me.” He shrugged. I scoffed.

“Where do you want me to start, the time you kissed my neck, or the time you asked if we could make out?” I cocked my head and smirked as the group fell into shocked exclamations.

“Holy shit, you went for it!” Tyler’s mouth was agape.

“Sorry, WHAT did you say about kissing?” Adrian looked astonished.

“I won’t be telling those stories!” I clarified loudly. “Let’s get back to business, eh?” I waited for everyone to calm down. I made sure Tyler wasn’t too flustered before I continued. “I guess I have a similar thing to what Tyler said before we went off the rails a bit. A very long time ago, he told me that… He missed the idea of me. He missed safety. And he said… He thinks I’m his safety. If that makes sense. It made a lot of sense to me. And, uh, looking around… All of you are becoming that for me. My safety. The people who make me feel comforted on hard days… The ones I go to when I need something. Cause I try to do the same for you. I hope I can be that for you, too.”

“Aw, Josh…” Adrian smiled from my left, patting my shoulder gently.

“I’m really glad that we’ve stuck by each other through everything that’s happened this past year— two years, really. And what a crazy time it’s been…”

“Tell me about it.” Tyler murmured. I put my arm around him.

“You guys didn’t give up on us when it got scary. And you’re really brave for that. You helped us so much. All of you. Even if you don’t think you did… Even if it feels you did more harm than good…” I looked down so I wouldn’t meet Damien’s eyes. “I’m glad things ended up here. At this little circle. And I wanna take a moment for the people that should be here with us, if that’s alright.”

I looked up again and everyone seemed to be in agreement. I closed my eyes, squeezing Tyler’s hand again. The only noise I could hear were birds, the wind rustling through the trees. I felt the sunlight shine against my skin, warming rays putting me at ease. And I felt peaceful. I felt like the people we’ve lost were watching. And I sure hope they’re proud.

“Thank you very much, Josh. Adrian, would you like to continue?” Ethan said softly, snapping me out of my haze.

“Yeah. Well… I’ll let Sage go first.”

“Josh, I really appreciate you doing that.” She turned to look at me. I nodded. “Most of you know, but I lost my father and my mother within the last year. Of course that’s been difficult. But I know that my dad is finally resting. And that’s helped me move on a little easier. Wherever he is… I hope he’s got good company with my mom. And maybe with some other people too. But, I know, who knows… I’m just happy I’m here. Adrian and I have the best support system with you all, the best friends… The best neighbors, who haven’t shared yet…?” She cocked her head at Mark and Gabe. “Adri, anything else you wanna add?”

“That’s sort of it. Everything you said, babe. And… Cheers to the sun finally being out. Might need sunscreen soon, huh?” He smiled.

All of our attention crept back to Mark and Gabe. Gabe squeezed Mark’s shoulder.

“Well. I guess I wanna give an update and say my leg is all healed… No issues this time. So that’s a huge one. I’m really glad it went okay. Thanks for being so supportive of me while I was healing. Thanks for… Everything, really. Anniversaries are hard, I know. We’ve had a rough go the last few months. But, uhh…” He looked over to Gabe. “You ready?” His voice lowered. Gabe locked eyes with me for a moment. My eyebrows furrowed. His eyes trailed around the circle and a smile formed on his face.

“We have some news. I wanted to save it for last, just in case anyone had some more somber stuff. And I was right to do that, I suppose…” He took a shaky breath. He closed his eyes. My anxiety only worsened.

“It’s good news.” Tyler whispered to me.

“How do you know?”

“Trust me.” He squeezed my hand again. I squeezed back.

“Mark and I wanted to invite you to something. Anyone who wants to come. It’s not a secret that we’re in a relationship, we love each other very much… I could get really sappy right now. But what I’ll say is, uh… Would you guys want to attend a wedding?” His voice cracked.

“What?” I asked, maybe a little too loud.

“Josh, would you be my best man?” Gabe locked eyes with me. My jaw dropped.

“Yes? Yes— Of course! What kind of question— You’re getting married?” I stammered.

“GARK!” Adrian cheered.

I don’t remember a whole lot after that point. There were tears and hugs. Laughter. Scrambled fragments of planning… Tyler rushed to our room to get a notebook so we could write down ideas.

Sunday is going to be a great day.

I know it will be.

I can feel it.

Chapter Text

The screen came on today. It happens when there’s anything significant going on, which has actually been often the last few months, compared to the first six I’d been gone. Paxton called me over to watch it with him.

I sat on the floor beside him and gasped as I saw a familiar face.

“She’s beautiful, right?” Paxton seemed in awe.

Dark green had always been Abby’s color. It was the blankets she’d made for Tyler and Josh, which inspired them to get a couch in the same shade. A deep forest green, nearly turquoise with how cool toned it was. Her jacket was similar. But today, she put on a dress, it looked like velvet. I wanted to reach through the screen and touch it.

“Onyx?” Paxton’s voice softened and I realized I was tearing up.

“Ah. Sorry.” I wiped my eyes quickly.

“I understand…” He frowned at me. “I’d like to be there too. Mark and Gabe… Who would’ve thought?”

“Honestly, I kind of saw it coming, maybe before they did. They’ve always been close… But, I dunno. They never were super public about their affection once they started getting romantic, but they didn’t hide it either.” I shrugged. “Adrian and Sage were all over each other. It was a little overkill.” I smiled a bit. Paxton scoffed.

“Maybe it’s good I wasn’t there to be grossed out, then.” He shrugged a little.

“Mm…” I took a deep breath.

“You alright?”

“I’m really glad you got to talk to them, Pax. Even if it was just in dreams.”

“I wish we could talk to them now.”

“I know. That’s what I’ve been thinking about a lot lately.”

“That moment of silence on Thursday made me cry like a baby.” He admitted.

“Rose said she cried too.”

Abby looked at herself in the mirror, and I didn’t like the frown that painted her face.

“Do you think they still miss us, Onyx?”

“Paxton…” My eyebrows furrowed. “Of course they do. Martha talks about you all the time.”

“I wish you two were here with me. My best friends…” Abby whispered, seeming to look straight at us through the mirror, through the screen, through dimensions.

“Oh my god.” Paxton covered his face with his hands, breaking down in tears.

“We’re here, Abby. I promise we’re here.” I choked out.

She looked startled when there was a knock at the door.

“Hey, Abbs?”

“Ruby?”

“Do you wanna help me put the flowers on the cake?”

“Yeah. I’ll be right there!”

She froze for a few moments, waiting for Ruby to leave. She took a deep breath. She wiped her eyes. She brushed her hands against the skirt portion of the dress, and I could practically feel the texture.

“It’ll be okay, Abby.” I murmured.

“We're gonna see something good too. We’re gonna be there. Just not the traditional way.” Paxton added softly. I hugged him, and he leaned into me.

I’ve got your brother, Abbs. We’re okay.

You’re gonna be okay too.

Chapter Text

“Kitty, are you ready to head out soon?”

“I… I think so…” He sounded hesitant. My eyebrows furrowed.

“Take your time, okay?” I called through the door. I glanced at myself in the mirror again.

I hadn’t worn long sleeves in ages, but the black button up with dark grey vertical stripes fit me perfectly— something we seemed to luck out with frequently at the lost and found room. I uncuffed and recuffed the sleeves, to be about halfway up my forearm. I knew no one would comment on the scarring. We all have it in some way, don’t we…?

Clancy seemed really excited about his outfit, but now I could sense his hesitancy. He hadn’t wanted to show it to me, to keep it a surprise. I stepped back towards the door and knocked gently with the back of my hand.

“Do you need help or anything? I’m not trying to rush you, I’m just—“ The door opened and my words got caught in my throat.

A white button up shirt with the top two buttons unbuttoned, the tie haphazardly wrapped around his neck like a scarf. A deep brown blazer, almost black, slacks in a similar shade, a black belt tying the pieces together.

“I was going to fix the tie and everything, I just thought you could—“

“You look so handsome.”

I looked up at his expression and saw his eyes welling with tears.

“Damien, you look lovely. I know mine is dumb, it feels ugly, I need to—“ I gently grabbed his wrist and stopped him from taking off the tie.

“You want it tied like a normal tie, right?” I asked. He nodded. “I thought so. You don’t seem like the bowtie type.”

“You can turn a normal tie into a bowtie? I thought they were different.” He asked quietly.

“Mm, you can, it won’t be perfect, but it looks alright. Just lots of weird little folds.” I shrugged. I could feel his gaze on me as I set up the tie. “Okay, I’ve got it where all you have to do is tighten it now.” I locked eyes with him for a moment. When he didn’t object, I buttoned the last few buttons on his shirt, ignoring my shaking fingers. I tightened the tie and felt him take a deep breath. “It’s not too tight, right? Feels comfortable?”

“It’s— It’s good.” He closed his eyes and I noticed the tears.

“Clancy?” I put a hand on his shoulder.

“I’ve never worn a tie. I sort of thought Ethan would be the one to teach me. But… I’d given up on that a long time ago. I figured that… I’d never reach a happy enough opportunity, you know? I remember having the thought that if I wore a tie… it would be for my own funeral.”

“Oh, Kitty…” I hugged him.

“It sounds so grim. But I believed it. I never thought I’d be at a point where I’d feel comfortable enough for something like this.” He pulled away from me a little. “I barely saw myself—“

“Oh, come here, look in the mirror.” I guided him to the full length mirror beside the dresser.

He stood in front of it and we went silent. I watched him correct his posture, feeling the tie with a hesitant hand. He ran his fingers through his hair, seeming puzzled. He brushed it back and collected the top section into his hand, holding it into a sort of ponytail. He glanced at me, hand still holding his hair.

“I think that would look really nice.” I assured him.

“I’ll have to ask Abby or Sage for a hair tie.” He murmured.

“Well? What do you think of it?” I prompted gently. He looked over at me for a moment. He looked back in the mirror, fixing his hair.

“I haven’t felt this confident about my appearance since I got my top surgery.” He said softly. “The first two or three years after it, I felt on top of the world, even despite the seizings. That faded eventually. But now… I’m feeling that again. That euphoria…” He grimaced a bit. “Damien, have I overdressed a little? They said it was casual, right?”

“I think you’ll be fine. You look perfect.”

“Thank you. Seriously.” He exhaled.

“I mean it.” I assured him.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

“Hello?” Clancy asked.

“Hey, Clance.”

Ethan. Clancy shot me a glance before stepping to the door. He opened it gently.

I watched Ethan’s expression shift into a smile. “Oh my god, look at you.” He sounded breathless. He hugged Clancy tightly.

“Ethan—“

“Martha’s going to cry when she sees you. My little brother. I can’t believe it. You look amazing… How do you feel? I— I told you you’d look good in a blazer, you always brushed me off…”

“Ethan, are you crying right now?” Clancy gasped.

“I’m just really happy for you, Clancy.” He grabbed his arms and gazed at him, grinning.

“Thank you.”

Ethan took a shaky breath and released his grip, brushing the front of his vest to get any wrinkles out. He was wearing a white button up like Clancy’s, his sleeves were rolled up to the elbows— I exhaled with relief as I realized I wouldn’t be the only one with scars on display. He had on a black knitted vest and khaki pants.

His eyes trailed to me and I blushed at the attention. “Both of you look great. Did you want to head over to Martha’s? Abby said she was going to put some final touches onto the cake in the shared kitchen over there, the same floor as her room.”

“Clancy? Are you ready?” I cocked my head at him. He smiled.

“Yeah. Let me get my boots on real quick.”

Ethan and I locked eyes again as Clancy’s attention went elsewhere. He took a step towards me and gently took his hand in mine, flipping my arm and gazing at the scars that painted my skin.

“I can tell you’re worried about this. Don’t be— they won’t say a word. They’ve never commented on my burns, Damien. You’re safe with us. Okay?” He messaged me. My eyes trailed around his arms before meeting his face again.

“Thank you.” I mouthed. He nodded, letting go of my hand.

“Alright… Let’s go.” Clancy stood from the couch and smiled, a bigger smile than I’d seen in a long time.

Chapter Text

“Hey. How are you feeling?”

“Sage. Thank you for coming to help. Ty’s in the bathroom getting dressed.”

“No worries, G… Have a seat?”

I smiled a little as I sat in one of the dining room chairs. “I’m nervous. I haven’t eaten anything.”

“Gabe.” Her tone turned serious in an instant. “It’s noon… you didn’t have breakfast?”

“It’s alright—“

“You’re lucky I came prepared.” She reached into her bag and pulled out a few hair tools, concealer, and a granola bar.

Sage, I—“ A stern look shut me down. I took the bar from her outstretched hand. “Thank you…”

“Mhm… Let’s get your hair sorted. The shirt is cute, by the way. I assume pyjama pants aren’t the complete look?” She smiled at me as she began to comb my hair, still damp from the shower.

“It’s not that casual.” I smiled back. She hummed in response, focused on a seemingly stubborn strand of hair. I unwrapped the granola bar, but my mind was elsewhere. “Sage, could I tell you something?” My voice lowered.

“Of course. Anything.” She replied.

“I just wanted to thank you.”

“Gabe, it’s no big deal—“

“Not about this. I… I owe you my life.”

“What do you mean?” Her eyebrows furrowed.

“Right before I got out of the city. The day things were really bad for me. You remember that?”

“You brushed it off.” She whispered.

“If you hadn’t slept on the couch that night, I think I might’ve seen Nico the next morning. But I couldn’t stop looking at you. I knew that I couldn’t let you down.” My voice was barely registering, my hands were shaking.

“Gabriel…” She exhaled.

“Sage, I’m serious. And I’ve never really admitted that. Mark kind of knows. But I… I never thanked you, and I needed to. I just thought now would be a good time. So, yeah. I owe you.”

“You don’t owe me anything, honey.” She held my hand. “You’re here. Look at how good things have gotten. All your friends… Gabe, you’re getting married today. Think about it.”

“I just needed you to know that.”

“Thank you for telling me.” She squeezed my hand. I squeezed back. She let go and returned to my hair. I took a deep breath. “You feel better getting that off your chest, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“Any other secrets?”

“Uh—“ My mind went to something from several years ago and I forced myself to repress it again. “No, I don’t think so.”

“Well, you better eat your granola bar, then.” She smiled again.

“Right. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome, Gabe.”

Chapter Text

“Mark, are you nervous?”

“Surprisingly… No. I always figured if I ever did something like this, I’d be a mess. But… It’s just you guys. And that’s comforting.” He shrugged a little. I turned to look at him fully as he began to button up his shirt.

“You look nice.” I smiled. His face turned pink.

“You do too.” He shrugged, brushing off my compliment.

“I’m not even dressed yet.” I scoffed. “Seriously, the shirt is perfect, the pants are nice… You look good, dude.”

“The only reason we’re even getting married is because Gabe didn’t want me to trash the shirt.” Mark joked.

“You’re kidding, but I don’t blame him! Look at yourself in the mirror.”

“Okay, okay—“ He froze as he saw himself.

“See? You’re killing it. Right? Mark?” My eyebrows furrowed as he was still silent.

“I guess I’d stopped paying attention to my appearance after everything happened. I, uh… I actually feel good about this.” He said softly. He fixed the collar then adjusted his glasses.

I smiled at him. It was a black button up with a floral design. It wasn’t like the kitschy ones I’d seen Gabe wear casually, and not like a typical touristy Hawaiian one— parts of the flowers on Mark’s were embroidered. It was elegant, I decided.

A knock at the door snapped me out of my staring. “Hey, it’s Adrian. Can I come in?”

“Yeah, you’re good.” Mark called.

The door opened and Adrian was grinning the moment he saw us. “Ohhh, wow. Look at you, Mark…” He exhaled. My eyebrows furrowed as I studied him. The clashing patterns and textures of flowy long sleeves and a fancy vest somehow looked natural on him. “Is my outfit okay?” He had a hesitancy that didn’t usually paint his tone. I looked to Mark for an answer.

He looked him up and down. “It’s, uh… It’s nice, let me assure you of that right away, I’m just trying to think of the word Sage has used before.”

“Kitschy? Camp?” Adrian suggested. I cracked a smile.

“Yeah. Both of those.” Mark smiled.

“Ha! That was the goal. I can tone it down if you want, seriously.”

“You guys need to dress how you want. I don’t want anyone abiding by some strict dress code, I’m not about that. If that’s what you go for when you think of wedding attire, that’s what you’ll wear.” He shrugged, smiling.

“Well, I just wanted to check on you. You two are the most anxious of our group, no offense. Sage just went to help Gabe and Tyler, so…” He cocked his head at me. “Did you want a touch up on your hair, Torch?”

“Oh! Uh… That would be nice. I was going to do it myself…”

“Let me be the one to have my hands stained red.” He shrugged, pulling up a chair beside me. I handed him the small jar of dye and the applicator brush.

“So, Mark, are you ready?” Adrian asked.

“The more people ask me that question, the more nervous I get. I— it’s a big deal, but it’s also kind of not, do you know what I mean?”

“I think I do.” I nodded but forced myself to stop as Adrian gasped— I’d already forgotten he was back there helping me with my hair. “Shit, did I mess you up, Adri?”

“No, you’re fine.” He assured me. I took a deep breath and relaxed my posture as I felt the cold wet brush against my hair.

“We haven’t been official for that many months, but… We’ve been so close for such a long time. It just sort of makes sense that this is where it led for us, personally.” Mark explained.

“Josh, are you and Ty next?”

“Ah— no—?“ My eyebrows furrowed.

“Joking! Just joking.” Adrian assured me. “I’m just glad all of you ended up having such strong bonds. I, uh… I kinda shut people off a little when I started dating Sage. I mean, I was exhausted from all the projection, that’s mostly the reason, but there was also that level of secrecy I had to keep. I hope that Jet realized that was why things got a little weird between us, retrospectively. He was my friend from the start, he helped me through the tunnels when I twisted my ankle. Gabe and I left camp the same day. I’m…” Adrian took a deep breath. “I’m so glad that Gabe found the three of you. I'm glad you all made it to this point, obviously. And I’m so happy that you ended up with him, in that sort of way, Mark. You guys are perfect for each other.”

“Thank you, Adrian. It means a lot.” Mark smiled. “Would you and Sage ever get married?”

“Oh, I already call her my wife all the time. We’re basically at that level, just no ceremony.”

“That’s nice. I can’t really imagine Gabe and I calling each other husband. Not yet.”

“Well you better start practicing!” I could practically hear Adrian’s smile. “Alright, let this sit for a while, then rinse it out. You know the deal, Torchy.”

“Yeah. Thank you.”

“No worries… Sage said Ty needs a trim, right? You want him to match with you? I can bring the dye over there.”

I couldn’t tell if he was joking. “Red toned hair dye near Tyler sounds like a flashback waiting to happen.” I said softly. I watched his expression shift, his eyes widening.

“Oh, shit. You’re so right. I didn’t even… Yikes.”

“It’s alright.” I assured him. “Go do whatever you need to do, Adrian. We’ll see you in an hour or so, right?” I glanced at the clock on the wall and nodded to myself.

“Oh wow. That’s so soon…” Mark smiled sheepishly.

“You got this, groom dude one of two.” Adrian winked at Mark and was out of the room in an instant.

Chapter Text

“Alright, hold this mirror for me?” Sage prompted Tyler. He nodded, holding it up and looking at the back of his hair. He smiled, gazing at me for a moment. “What do you think?”

“It looks way better. Thank you, Sage…”

“Of course! Anything else you want my help with?” She cocked her head a little as Tyler’s expression changed into something I couldn’t place. He looked at his face in the mirror, then his eyes shifted down a little.

“You have makeup, right?” His voice was barely above a whisper.

“Yeah, I do.” She nodded.

My stomach twisted as he traced a finger along the scar on his neck.

“Tyler, you don’t need to hide that.” I said.

He met my eyes and I didn’t like his expression. His mouth was a thin line, his eyes unfocused slightly. “I don’t want to ruin your day, Gabe.”

“Ty…” My eyebrows furrowed with concern. “You wouldn’t ruin anything. I want— I need you here…” I tried to assure him, but his expression only seemed to turn more and more uneasy. I closed my eyes. “Josh, could you come see us?”

“I was already on my way— almost there.” He replied almost instantly.

“Josh is coming, okay?”

“Okay.” Tyler whispered, looking down. Sage put a gentle hand on his arm. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be! We just want you to feel better. Is there anything we can do?” She asked.

Before Tyler was able to respond, the door opened. “Hey, what’s the matter? You okay?” Josh was on his knees in front of Tyler in an instant. He nodded, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“My neck…” His bottom lip trembled.

“Hmm.” Josh shook his head slightly. “Can I… Can I do something?” Tyler’s eyes widened.

“What are you—“

“Not what you’re thinking, I know you said that was only symbolic. Trust me?”

Tyler nodded slowly. Josh hugged him gently, resting his head on his shoulder. He was murmuring something, and I watched Tyler’s posture slowly relax itself. Whatever Josh was doing, it was working immediately.

The two of them seemingly had an unbreakable bond. Through everything they’d gone through, good and bad… I couldn’t imagine a world where one of them existed without the other. And I suppose that was Mark and I, too. Inseparable.

How lucky I’ve been all these years, to be able to call these people my friends. To help them survive… For them to keep me alive, every time I thought I couldn’t carry on any longer.

Sage approached me, snapping me out of my thoughts. “You okay? You’re gonna cry your under eye concealer off.” She said softly.

“Oh, wow. I didn’t even realize I, uh…” She handed me a tissue. “Thanks.” I dabbed it against my eyes.

“It’s almost time, huh?” She smiled a little. A fuzzy feeling in my stomach forced me to lean against the table. “You know it’ll be okay once you’re out there… It’s just the anticipation. Adri says Mark looks great.”

“I can’t wait to see him.” I smiled, but then I had a thought that made my stomach ache worse. “If all of you are here, then who’s with Mark?”

“Ethan told me he was headed that way, he dropped off Clancy and Damien to see Martha.” Sage explained quickly.

“Okay…” I took a shallow breath, one I’d intended to be deep and relaxing.

“You’re gonna see him soon, and I promise the excitement will outweigh the anxiety. There’s no expectation, Gabe. It’s only us. It can be as casual as you need it to be.”

“Sage… Thank you.”

“Of course…” Her expression softened. “I’m really proud of you, G.”

“Ah…” I looked away. “Don’t make me cry again. If I start now, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop.”

She exhaled and smiled at me, patting my back a little. My gaze trailed to Tyler and Josh, who were pulling away from their embrace.

“Ty, are you feeling better?” I asked gently.

“Yeah. Sorry, I just… Had a moment there. I’m good now, I promise.” He rubbed the back of his neck.

“You don’t need to apologize.” I said, smiling a little. He smiled back halfheartedly.

“Uh, I guess we should finish getting dressed, yeah?” Tyler glanced down at my pyjama pants. “I should put on my sweater and all…”

“Oh! Y-yeah. Let me go to the bathroom real quick.” I felt my face turn warm. “Once you’re all ready, go ahead and head outside. I know I’m the last one… Ethan’s picking me up, right?”

“Yeah, that’s the plan— he said he’d message you.” Sage confirmed.

“Alright. I definitely need the time to think about what I’ll say…” I looked down at the burgundy knitted sweater in Tyler’s arms. “That’s a good color on you, Ty.”

“Thanks, Gabe.” His smile felt progressively more genuine. I simply nodded as I slipped into the bathroom, friendly chatter fading away as I closed the door and turned on the fan.

Chapter Text

“I’m on my way, Gabe. Are you almost ready?” I waved goodbye to Mark, who’d just been joined by Tyler, Josh, Sage, and Adrian. A fuzzy feeling in my brain alerted me that Gabe was responding. I headed to the correct tower and began to climb the steps.

“Hey, Ethan. Uh, yeah, I think— I think I’m ready…” My eyebrows furrowed. He sounds far more nervous than what I’m familiar with.

“Do you need me to bring anything up with me?”

I paused towards the base of the staircase in case I needed to turn back. “No… Just you.” He responded softly.

“Alright. I’m coming up now, okay?”

I didn’t get a response, and that did concern me just a bit, but I figured an ‘okay’ back to me might be too much energy for what it’s worth. He’s already nervous— he doesn’t need to waste any more adrenaline on messaging right now.

I guided myself through the halls with ease, stopping in front of the correct door.

“Gabe?” I hovered my fist near the door, ready to knock if I needed to. The door swung open and I couldn’t hide my concern. “Hey, are you doing okay?” I asked softly. He looked pale.

“I’m nervous.”

“Oh, Gabe…” I sighed. “You wanna sit with me for a minute?”

“We don’t have time—“

“We have plenty of time.” I glanced down at my watch. He swallowed and nodded. I guided him to the futon. “Okay. I… I wanted to bring this up at some point. Might as well be now.”

“What is it?”

“Do you remember your rescue?”

His expression softened. “Yeah.”

Chapter Text

I had never felt more alive.

I realized I had my mouth agape and shut it. Flames surrounded me on torches, a group of powerful people leading me out.

Away from the city.

Away from the cold.

Away from Lisden.

But I knew it was also away from Cedar. The one person I truly trusted. Yes, I had a level of trust in the elders of Lisden’s district, but… If what Cedar’s dad told them was anything to go by, they’d be dead by spring, once the Annual Assemblage rolled around.

And to think… I almost considered leaving a week ago.

“How’s it going, kid?” A Bandito looked over at me. A bandana covered his face, a hood over his head.

“I… I don't know what to say.” I said softly.

“We’re working on building more huts, so you can stay with someone the first few nights, as long as you’re okay with that. If not— we always have sleeping bags…”

“Huts?” I asked.

“They’re pretty sturdy. Much more homey than what’s essentially a jail cell.”

“Thank you…”

“What’s your name?”

“Gabriel—“ I shook my head. “Gabe. My name's Gabe.”

“Ethan. Nice to meet you, Gabe.” He shook my hand firmly. “We’re almost out of the tunnel, then we can get you some food, some water. Some new clothes. Warm up by the fire.”

“I’m really looking forward to it.” My eyes darted around at the other Banditos again. I was towards the middle of the group, maybe ten people.

“Hey— Head count. Where’s Jet?” Ethan’s tone turned hard and serious in an instant.

“He got a straggler. He’s coming.”

“Stop. No.” He boomed. Everyone faltered their steps. “No one is getting left behind. Let’s wait.”

I stood on my tiptoes trying to get a better look. I saw a torch bobbing a few feet back.

“I’m here! Sorry!” A voice called.

“Injuries?” Ethan retorted.

“He twisted his ankle. Just moving a little slow.”

“I’m sorry, sir—“

“You can call me Torchbearer.” Ethan interrupted the citizen. “What’s your name?”

“Adrian.”

“Welcome to the Banditos, Adrian.”

“He’s one of you, Ethan.”

“Oh?”

My head bolted back and forth between them as the conversation unfolded.

“He explained that feeling to me. The stomach feeling, the hands, the warmth?”

My eyebrows furrowed.

“We can get that sorted. Someone get behind Jet and Adrian to ensure they’re not followed by anyone or anything, and let’s carry on.”

Sorted. I didn’t like the sound of that.

“Ethan, what did he mean? One of you…?”

“A Torchbearer— he has an ability. He can wield fire, among other things. A natural leader.”

“He said something about hands?”

“The energy it takes to activate flame— it gives your hands a sort of tingling feeling. They say one in a hundred people are born with it, Gabe. Did you know anyone like that in your district?”

The person I was thinking of was me. Cedar found it endlessly entertaining that it took me no time to light candles.

“I… What do you mean by sorted?”

“Oh, just explaining what I told you, testing his strength. Seeing if he’d like to become a Torchbearer as well. At the moment, I’m the only one.”

“Ethan, I think I’m like that, too.”

“Oh, Gabe, why didn’t you say something?” We’d made it out of the tunnel now. I could tell the path we were taking was worn, the grass was shorter.

“I was scared.” I admitted.

“Listen, kid…” He locked eyes with me. I nodded. “Never be scared of me. I’m here to protect you, not to make you nervous. These people are the kindest I’ve met. They’ll take good care of you.”

He put a hand on my shoulder and I moaned through gritted teeth, an involuntary reaction to the stinging pain. His hand shot back to his side.

“I’m sorry.” He murmured.

“It’s alright. You didn’t know. It’s just some scratches—“

“You don’t need to lie to me, Gabe. I understand how they treat their citizens.” His voice turned dark. He took a deep breath, and I followed suit. “Careful on this terrain, we’re getting to the rough patch. Don’t trip.”

We made the rest of the trek in silence.

Chapter Text

“I told you we’d take care of you, didn’t I?” I smiled at him. He nodded hesitantly. “The moment you get out of this room, out of this tower… You’ll see how lovely this day is going to be. All the preparations we’ve done for you and Mark… If he could message you, I’m sure he would’ve spoiled it all already. I know you don’t keep much from each other.” My eyebrows furrowed as his eyes widened.

“Why do I keep thinking about—“ He rubbed his face with his hands.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah. Sorry. It’s nothing.”

“You can tell me anything.” I assured him.

He locked eyes with me. “It was something that happened a really long time ago. I have no reason to feel guilt, it was before Mark and Josh had even come here. But I keep getting reminded of it. And the other party… I don’t think they have any recollection of it, and that makes it way more awkward for me. This secret I’ve had to harbor… It’s something I’d like to forget.”

“I see.” I cocked my head a little. “But you’re happy now. With Mark. Right?”

“Oh, god, of course. I can’t imagine myself with anyone else.”

“Then don’t.” I smiled. “Life is too short to focus on the past, on what-if’s. We all know this, don’t we…?”

“Ah. Yeah…” He looked to the floor. “Ethan, I really appreciate you walking with me, and being our, uh… Officiator, but not really—?”

“Kid, I’d do anything for you and your group. You know that.” I put a gentle hand on his shoulder, relief flooding me when he didn’t flinch.

“I do know that. But… Thank you. Seriously.”

“You’re welcome, Gabe.”

He took a shaky breath. “I’m ready, Ethan.”

“Alright… You look really nice, by the way.”

“Oh…! You do too.” He said quickly, his face turning pink.

“Need help getting up?”

“I’ve got it.” He took another deep breath.

He was quiet as we went through the halls, down the stairs… I stopped him right before he opened the door that led to the courtyard. “Gabe, I want you to know that I’m really happy for you and Mark. I never thought I’d witness a marriage after… Everything that’s happened. For a lot of people, this is a sign of hope. Of many more good things to come. Remember that.” He nodded a little, looking away and wiping his eyes. “I love ya, kid.”

“Love you too.” He whispered. “Can I—“

“Go for it.” I assured him. He opened the door with a shaking hand.

Chapter Text

The moment I saw Gabe, everyone and everything else seemed to fade away into a soft glow of light. Nothing else really mattered to me, not then, not that moment.

That moment was all about my person.

My soulmate.

The one I would spend the rest of my life with, no matter what happens next.

Ethan put an arm around him as they walked towards me. Each step they took I felt more and more warm. More comforted. More sure of myself. This is right. I’ve never been so confident in a decision— except for one time.

The time I jumped in front of him.

Because the Bishops were aiming that neon towards his heart. And it was that exact moment, the specific angle I bumped her, the precise swipe into my thigh. The burning. The healing. The aching. It was more than worth it.

Because now we’re here.

This new moment. When his hand fits into mine perfectly. When my eyes scan the huddle of mismatched chairs and find my friends, dressed in countless earthy colors and soft fabrics. When Tyler and Josh can’t hide their smiles, even though they assured me they’d be so serious for our special moment.

They don’t need to be serious. Because I’m smiling too. And so is Gabe.

Our smiles fade just a little as Ethan begins his speech and suddenly cuts himself off. I realize he’s crying. And I’m brought back into reality in an instant.

“Apologies.” He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. “Uh…” He cleared his throat. “To be this close with these two amazing young men, to have the honor to perform this unofficial ceremony for them— even if it’s unofficial, we all know it’s real. It’s as serious as it gets. Because… Love is a powerful tool. It’s gotten all of us this far in life. And I know how grateful we are for it. So, now, I’ll light this torch, physically and metaphorically. To welcome Mark and Gabe into many more years of love.”

He gently placed the flame into the fire pit. It turned a color I hadn’t seen in ages— green. And, slowly, more people emerged from the towers. It was as if a magnet had pulled them into place.

The Banditos.

My glasses fogged and I tucked them into the pocket on my shirt.

Gabe squeezed my hand. I squeezed back.

The same kiss, the dozens we’d shared over this past year, turned the world around us into a blur of cheering. Congratulations. Pats on the back. Hugs. Love.

The most yellow flowers I’d seen since Paxton had been smeared.

The sunset was so beautiful. A soft breeze painted the grass with petals. Perhaps the earth loves us too.

Love.

Forget the tape. The torches. The antlers.

Perhaps love is the most powerful tool of all.

Chapter Text

Love. I feel it all around me. Every little moment— not just Mark and I.

I felt it when the Banditos came to celebrate, even if it was short lived, mostly just dropping off flowers and gifts— but I didn’t mind that at all. Because now I was surrounded by the most important people in my life.

Martha’s eyes barely left Clancy the entire night. I could feel the warmth radiating off her gaze.

I watched Damien’s expression shift into shock when Josh, who admittedly was a bit tipsy, invited him to dance with him, Tyler, and Abby. It seemed I’d witnessed the moment he finally realized he was cared about by more than just Clancy. We’re family— no matter how dysfunctional.

“Hey, hun.” A hand on my shoulder made me jump. Mark.

“God, you look so good tonight.” I smirked, my eyes flickering around his body and landing back on his face quickly.

“You good, though? I saw you spacing out.” He leaned into me, our foreheads touching.

“Mm… Yeah. Just observing everyone. They’re all happy. I love it. I love you.”

“Love you more. My husband…” Mark’s expression softened.

I leaned in just a bit further and kissed him. His arms wrapped around me. We swayed a little, and everything else seemed to melt away.

I heard chords from a ukulele. I heard percussion from the back of a chair. Mark and I pulled away to watch. Tyler said his voice was too hoarse to sing, that he’d never be back to normal after what had happened. He’d just had that moment of doubt with his scar, that was hours ago. And yet, here he was, despite it all— singing.

“Sometimes you’ve gotta bleed to know that you’re alive and have a soul. And it takes someone to come around to show you how— he’s the tear in my heart. I’m alive. He’s the tear in my heart. I’m on fire. He’s the tear in my heart. Take me higher than I’ve ever been!”

The lights. The music. My best friends. And my husband. Nothing else matters.

Chapter Text

I’ll admit it, I’m a little drunk.

That cider is addictive, and I’m celebrating just as much as the next person. Of course I’m happy— Gabe came to Trench when I did, and I’m so grateful he’s found someone that makes him this happy— as happy as Sage makes me. She’s having a great time, right now she’s dancing with Abby and Martha, and I’m leaning against the table of food and drinks.

Clancy steps up to the cassette player. I watch him slip a tape into it. He rewinds. He presses play. And somehow, the song sounds familiar.

“You see my soft spots hiding robots. Programmed to remind me I can trust you. You guide them out so gently, so closely. But give them time to get to know you.”

My blood turns cold. And all the way across the courtyard, I meet Gabe’s eye contact. And he looks mortified.

A month before Josh and Mark arrived in camp, my boyfriend of eleven months broke up with me. Jack… He was going back to Dema to become a historian. He claimed he “couldn’t do long distance”— and he said he thought I was “getting old anyways”. It still pisses me off thinking about it. But, at the time… I blamed myself, too.

I genuinely considered relapsing. But I needed a friend. So, feeling numb, I wandered to Gabe’s hut. He invited me in, and I quickly realized he was high. Sometimes Banditos partook in smoking one of the native plants— I can’t recall the name. It wasn’t unusual, but now I’m realizing I haven’t seen Gabe do it in years— not since Josh and Mark arrived. Maybe they replaced that vice for him. Maybe they were an ample distraction for whatever he was dealing with at the time.

But I definitely needed a distraction that night. We drank a little. Then he told me that Clancy had let him borrow a cassette player. And already inside the tape slot… It was this song. He danced around the room. He made me smile. He invited me to dance too. And I couldn’t say no to his adorable pouting face.

We danced. We drank a bit more. We replayed that tape dozens of times.

“And I just wanna dance and smile and stay awhile, while letting you know that you make me feel like I deserve someone like you.”

And now, in that drunken state again, I remember what else we did that night.

Lips. Gasping. Sweat. Smiles. Those hazel eyes… I looked away quickly.

It seems he’s remembered this entire time.

And he never told me.

“I wasn’t looking for love this year. But my robots told me that I shouldn’t fear. When I met you, I found you safe and warming, and now I think this could really be something… One, two, three, four—“

I squeezed my eyes shut as dizziness hit me like a truck. “Hey, Adri, are you alright, babe?” Sage’s hand felt my forehead, beside me in an instant. I nodded, biting my lip. “Do you need to go home?” She asked softly.

I pried my eyes open. “No, it’s alright. Just gonna use the bathroom real quick. Maybe I drank too much too fast, y'know?” I forced a smile.

“Let me know if you need anything, baby.”

I nodded again and rushed to the bathroom.

I do need something… I need to forget about this again.

Chapter Text

My breathing felt too shallow. No one can know about this. Tyler approached me and I swallowed my nerves.

“Gabe, is this the song you told me about?”

“What—?” I choked out.

“When… When I was in the hospital. You told me about the night you and Adrian—“

“Shh!” I gasped. His eyebrows furrowed.

“What…? You just said… You danced. And you were both happy…” His expression shifted. “Did I pass out again before you were finished? What’s that face for?”

“I can’t believe you remember that at all.” I admitted, not wanting to meet his eyes. I talked to him constantly when he was hospitalized, and eventually I’d run out of anecdotes. So I told him about that one. My gaze trailed over Tyler’s shoulder. Josh and Mark were dancing to a new song, one I couldn’t place. Then I realized I couldn’t find Adrian. Where did he go?

“Gabe, whatever happened, it’s the past. I wouldn’t worry about it.” Tyler shrugged.

“He didn’t remember. Not until just now, I think. Did you see where he went?” My breathing was irregular.

“Who, Adrian? He went to the bathroom—“

“Thanks. Ty, I need to check on him.” I rushed past him, down the amphitheater steps.

“Gabe?” He raised his voice a little. I looked back at him. “You’re gonna be okay…” He smiled halfheartedly.

I sure hope you’re right, Ty.

Chapter Text

There was a gentle knock on the stall door as I was kneeling over the toilet.

“Adri?” A hoarse voice.Gabe.

“Dude…” I didn’t even know what to say.

“Can we talk? Please?” He sounded like he was going to cry. I stood carefully, shaking. I unlocked the stall door. I pulled it open and realized he was crying. “Did you throw up?” He asked.

“Not yet…” I looked away.

“Adrian, I just… I didn’t want you to… I thought…” His face contorted as he tried and failed to hold in his tears.

“Gabe… I’m, like, not mad or anything.” I said softly. “If I remembered that shit, and you didn’t… I would’ve hid it too, I think.”

“That was really wrong of me to do.”

“I mean… It’s out of the bag now, huh?”

We locked eyes and my nausea increased.

“Do you remember all of it?” He asked softly. I hesitated.

“Let’s just get it all out on the table. Right now. We got really drunk, you were already high… We… We made out for a while… And…”

“Yeah. We kissed for a long time. Like, the song ended and we didn’t get up to rewind it again. We were kinda on each other. But it didn’t go further than that, I swear on everyone’s life. You fell asleep on me. That was… The end of it.”

“You promise me?” My voice shook.

“I promise. I wouldn’t lie about this, Adrian.”

“And… Are you okay now?”

“What do you mean?” He asked.

“No lingering feelings?” My voice cracked.

His eyes widened slightly. “No. No… And… What about you?”

I forced myself to keep eye contact. “No. We have our own people now. And this happened way before we started dating them. So… We can just… move on.”

“Yeah.” He whispered. He looked away for a few moments. “I’m really glad you found someone who was down for a long distance relationship. My best friend back in the city, no less… Fuck that Jack guy, dude.”

“Yeah… Fuck him. You remember, you said you hoped he choked on a neon rod? That’s, uh… The best thing that came from that night. That visual. Fucking hilarious.” I exhaled and smiled.

“I was just trying to cheer you up.”

“It worked. Thank you. Y’know, I was, uh… Gonna make some bad choices. But I came to you instead. I’d rather make out with you again than do what I’d initially planned.”

“Ah. If you ever think about doing that again, I’ll kiss you and snap you out of it. I’m— I’m joking, but—“

“I get it.” I assured him quickly. He cleared his throat. “Let’s, uh… Let's head back out there, eh?” I cocked my head. His face turned pink.

“You go first. If we come out of here together… I don’t want anyone to question that.”

“No one would. But if it makes you feel better…”

“Thanks.”

“I’m so fuckin’ happy for you, G.” I smiled a little. “And I’m glad we had this talk.”

“Me too. Finally… Some closure.” He took a shaky breath.

“We’re all good, Gabe.” I assured him. I left him in the bathroom, not before a final glance at him. His hazel eyes…

You know, I think I’d be alright if I never heard that song again.

Chapter Text

“Hey…” A hushed voice rang out beside me. My head began to ache the moment I heard it.

“Ugh.” I managed to respond, and I hope I got my point across— leave me alone and let me sleep.

“Oh, come on… Up and at ‘em, you two…” A second voice said.

Us two—?

My eyes shot open and it took me several moments to process what was happening.

Gabe slowly lifted his head from my chest, also seemingly waking up. My eyes drifted up and I quickly realized Clancy was crouched beside us with a slightly concerned expression.

It was dark. It was cold. Am I on the ground right now? Are we outside?

“Woah.” I whispered.

“Woah…?” Clancy smirked. “I guess we should’ve monitored how much you were drinking, huh? We just need to make sure you two get home safe, okay?”

My eyebrows furrowed. “Okay…”

“Oh god, this is so embarrassing. Did you see—“ Gabe cut himself off suddenly as he sat up.

“Hun?” I croaked.

“Nope. All good. I thought I was going to throw up for a second.” He brushed me off.

“See what?” I asked loudly, suddenly feeling exasperated at my lack of context.

“You two can get romantic at home, not in the courtyard, okay? It’s too cold out here for shit like that.” The second voice said. And I slowly processed who that second voice belonged to. I saw boots, black pants… Oh my god.

“Damien—?” I put my head in my hands.

“Mark, you don’t have a reason to be embarrassed— Oh, shit. Kitty. Trash can—“

I heard retching beside me and cringed away from the noise.

“Who the hell is Kitty?” I groaned.

“Sorry. Just a habit. Clancy, do you have—“

“In my right pocket.”

“Cool.”

I closed my eyes again, my body unwilling to sit itself up.

“Man, let’s not have access to this much booze again, yeah…? I know we’re celebrating, of course we are, but… Hmm. Ethan just took Tyler and Josh home. He was gonna circle back, but I think we’ve got it covered. I’ll need you to sit up for me, okay, Mark? I have something that’ll make you feel better, promise.” Clancy’s voice was beside me again, soft and warming to my senses.

“Okay… I really don’t want to. But I’d rather not hang out on the floor. Is Gabe throwing up right now?” I spoke slowly, as if my mouth couldn’t process my own words.

“I think he’s okay again, Damien just gave him the vial—“

“What did he give him?” My eyes shot open again, my heart pounding.

“Woah, woah, you’re okay, honey. It’s just to fight nausea, a bit of caffeine in there…” He assured me softly. I took a shaky breath. “How are you feeling? Any nausea?” He questioned.

“No. I just feel like I could sleep right here for about twenty hours… Did you call me honey just now?”

“Must’ve picked up on that sort of thing from Martha.” He shrugged a little, his face turning red.

“Did she have a good time?” I asked.

“Martha?” His eyebrows furrowed. I nodded. “Oh, yes, she did. She’s so proud of you two… She just headed to bed early, is all. She’s never been one to stay up late, even in camp— she wasn’t up an hour past fire most nights. Not unless someone needed her. Uh, that someone was usually me.” He looked away for a moment, as if the idea of his past made him too embarrassed to face me.

“I’m gonna sit up.” I murmured.

“I’m right here for you.” He assured me, the confidence returning to his voice in an instant.

“Hey… Clancy…?” I hesitantly propped myself up, and I felt like I was moving in slow motion.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for taking care of the boys for us. During those two weeks…”

“Oh, Mark… It was the least I could do. I really wish I could’ve done more to protect them. I tried so hard to keep track of where they were, and what was happening to them, but as the others got suspicious of me… I lost access to some of that information.”

“I’m surprised they didn’t move them into a different room or something.” Damien said quietly. My brain suddenly reminded me that he was there too. And maybe he also helped when they were in this city. But when they were out of here, he—

“Thank you for saving Torchy.” I blurted.

“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.” He said softly.

“Are you feeling steady now that you’re upright?” Clancy’s gentle voice snapped me out of whatever thought process I seemed to be in. I nodded slowly. “Here we go, then. Drink slowly, don’t chug it or anything…” He handed me a vial of liquid, and it almost looked golden. It reminded me a little of apple juice. I uncorked the bottle and took a sip. Not as offensive as I’d expected. It tastes like ginger, with a hint of espresso…? My eyes trailed to my left as I drank— towards Gabe.

He was already watching me, and he looked really embarrassed. I wasn’t sure why. I finished the vial and wiped my mouth. “Hun, what’s wrong?”

“You don’t feel a bit of a breeze?” He choked out.

What? I looked down at myself.

Boxers. Bare legs.

Where the fuck are my pants?

“Ah, right here. I wasn’t gonna comment on it…” Damien handed me my pants, seemingly retrieving them from the floor. I didn’t say a word as I struggled for far too long to put them on.

“Well, are you two ready to get home?” Clancy asked as I buttoned my pants. I glanced at Gabe to make sure he felt okay still. He was squinting at Clancy and Damien, as if he didn’t trust them. My eyebrows furrowed.

“Yes…?” I answered hesitantly.

“What was in that stuff you gave me?” Gabe asked, his words slurring slightly.

“Mostly ginger, some coffee, some Dycopherate… coconut water… That’s really it.” Clancy listed.

“Mmm.” Gabe hugged his arms.

“What’s wrong?” I shuffled towards him. He grimaced, shaking his head.

“Let’s just go.” He mumbled. My gaze shifted back to Clancy and Damien, and they seemed as confused as I was. I stood fully, then I helped Gabe stand. I put an arm around him.

Clancy walked ahead of us, Damien trailing behind. “Hun, are you okay?” I whispered into Gabe’s ear. He seemed to shudder.

“We can talk when we’re home. I feel a little… Nevermind.” He sounded breathless.

“Do you wanna message me?” I asked.

He seemed to ponder this for a while.

“Might go to one of these guys instead of you when I’m this drunk. Not risking it.”

“Alright… But you’re gonna be okay, hun?”

“I’m just… Flustered.” He replied through gritted teeth.

“Oh. Okay.” I shrugged a bit.

Flustered. I guess I get that. If I was more sober, I’d probably be a little more mortified about the whole pants thing—

Gabe seethed and my eyes trailed down a little. All at once, his behavior made sense.

“Oh.” I said, maybe a little too loud. “Think about Nico.” I murmured. He smirked a little. “Think about… Lisden dressed like a clown. Uh… Maybe you need to pee… Are you still thinking about Nico?”

“Dude…” He exhaled, smiling.

“What, isn’t that helping? He’s like… The ugliest thing ever.”

“We’re almost home, it’s fine. I, uh… I appreciate your help. Maybe you can—” He seemed to realize Clancy and Damien were still walking with us and promptly fell silent.

“Yeah. I can… Whatever you need…” I whispered. He took a shaky breath as we began the three floor trek up the stairs. With his situation, it was going to be an uncomfortable one. I pondered carrying him, as if he was my stereotypical bride and I was the groom, but I was frankly too tipsy to do that successfully— yet rational enough to not do it anyways.

I don’t fully remember our goodbye to Clancy and Damien. But I do remember the glance they gave each other, and how quickly they made their way down the hall.

And I do remember what happened after our door closed.

I kept pausing just to gaze at him.

He looked so handsome tonight.

And he kept telling me the same thing.

He says if I hear it enough times, I’ll start to believe it. I think he’s right, because I’ve never felt this good about myself before— inside and out.

He fell asleep next to me the moment we caught our breaths, and I couldn’t stop smiling, a single thought overwhelming my head.

I truly think this is where I’m meant to be.

“Home is wherever you are.” I whispered to the sleeping body beside me.

Chapter Text

I can’t sleep.

My mind has wandered to the past again, and I don’t like that it’s been remembering against my will— all the little details I’d managed to forget the past few months. I need to snap out of it.

“Clancy?” I whispered.

I got no response. He’s definitely asleep.

I rolled over to face him. My tired eyes gazed at his chest as it rose and fell softly with each breath.

“Clancy…” I got a tiny bit louder. His breathing shifted. “Are you awake?”

“Sacarver, I’m trying to sleep—“ His eyes shot open. We made eye contact. I didn’t try to hide my expression. “Oh, no.” He rubbed his face with his hands. “Damien, I’m so sorry.”

“Sacarver?” I repeated softly.

“I was half asleep. I wouldn’t use that name on purpose. Honey, you know that.” He sat up.

“I was going to ask you about something. Just… Go back to sleep.” I looked away.

“Damien, you can talk to me.”

“Clearly I can’t, Keons.” I felt the room turn cold the moment that name left my mouth. I saw him tense out of the corner of my eye.

We sat in silence for a few moments.

“Damien, do you need me to leave you alone for a bit?” He asked quietly.

“Maybe I do.” I stared straight ahead.

“The phone is in the kitchen. Don’t hesitate to call the doctors if you think you need them. I’ll be at Martha’s.” His voice cracked. I tried to ignore it.

I forced myself to watch as he slipped out of bed. He threw on a hoodie, not bothering to put on a shirt underneath it, slipped on a ratty pair of shoes, and left, leaving me alone in the room for the first time in a while. I glanced around, letting the silence overtake me.

I slowly realized I’d acted irrationally. I’d let my gut feeling of distrust overtake me. And if I was Clancy, my feelings would certainly be hurt right now. “God, what an asshole you are.” I mumbled to myself. “I don’t know why he stays with you.”

He loves you, that’s why.

I bolted upright. Hearing a voice that wasn’t my own inside my head was a feeling I hadn’t wanted to return.

“Who are you?” I asked shakily.

I’m simply observing you. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you, I promise.

“Please answer my question.”

They told me I can’t reveal too much, or my connection will fade. This is my first time trying this. I’m… A friend of your friends, if that’s not too vague.

“I want a name.”

That might be too much information. But… we’ve been observing you. Uh, Norman says he’s sorry.

“Norman…?” I looked up. That seemed to be the direction the strangely comforting voice was coming from, despite it echoing inside my head.

Yeah. I’m sure you understand why he’s apologizing? He says he didn’t mean to keep that energy in your world. And I can speak for all five of us when we say we’re grateful that he’s faded. Because you’ve improved a lot, Damien.

“There’s five of you. And you’ve been… Watching?”

Not just you— all of you. We’ve seen each of you grow as people in the past nine months. And we’re very happy that things have gone so well the last few weeks in particular. It was a beautiful wedding last night…

I tried and failed to figure out who was speaking to me. He sounded younger.

My thoughts drifted to Clancy.

“I should apologize to him.”

You can take a little time to relax and decompress first. That’s what the doctor recommends, anyway.

“A doctor?”

I’m sure Clancy will be able to piece together who we are. But I’d rather not ruin our connection, Damien. I just wanted to remind you that you are not equal to your past. You are equal to your present. The decisions you make now reflect your true self. The past mistakes do not. You can’t let him control you— he’s gone for good.

“Thank you.”

The ones who stand with you are proud of you too, even if they don’t show it. Maybe you’re due for a conversation with Tyler. He’ll understand… He always understood me.

“Paxton…?”

The lights flickered on, an involuntary squeak of fear escaping me as I heard the electricity buzz. And all at once, it stopped, leaving me in darkness again.

“Hello?” I asked softly.

There was no response.

I stood from the bed and made my way to the bathroom. Some cold water on my face would do me some good, wouldn’t it?

I felt for the light switch and I jumped as I saw the mirror was fogged, and they’d seemingly left me a message.

Overtake your former self.

Chapter Text

Clancy came to sleep over tonight. Martha was already out like a light on the couch, so I let him sleep with me in the large bed in the corner of the room.

He said he had a scuffle with Damien, but he knew things would turn out okay. That it was just a misunderstanding. But it’s taking him a really long time to fall asleep.

Martha told me that Clancy always struggled with sleeping. She told me that before he’d come back, when we still lived in camp. His disappearance was fresh on her mind. We were both restless, and she tried to use some of the coping skills she’d taught him on me, on herself. It didn’t work, but that was the night I’d begun to think of Clancy as a sort of metaphor, someone unreal.

Of course he’d been real. I’d interacted with him a handful of times, during our few months of overlap while in camp. As he grew distant, Martha and I grew closer. I missed my mom, and she became that sort of person for me. But when Clancy left, our relationship became a little more balanced. I learned how to cook with a bit of help from Ethan when she didn’t want to feed herself. I became a shoulder to cry on. And I was glad to be that person for her.

I heard so many stories about Clancy during those three years. And now that he’s back, I can’t help but feel a little infatuated by his presence. It’s like he’s made of mythicality. To come back from the dead… It’s certainly hard to wrap your head around that sort of thing.

But I’ve gotten to know him myself the last few months, not just from anecdotes. And he’s a great guy. He always seems to know exactly what to say, as if his wisdom outdates his age by decades.

But there’s an inherent sadness to him. He doesn’t talk about what he’s been through all that often. Sometimes I hear Martha and Ethan talking about him. They worry sometimes. But he’s made it very clear that he’s not going anywhere. And that’s changed our family dynamic significantly— for the better. He’s regaining their trust.

Martha seems so much happier now, even despite Rose’s passing. She took the battle very poorly. But all of us found out a large part of that was due to the illness she’d suffered.

Martha and Rose were so close. It was like I’d gained a bonus mom out of nowhere. I liked her a lot. I do miss her, but I’m more sad for Martha than I am for myself.

She never really said anything, but I knew their relationship was more than a friendship. I’d seen the yellow tape rings. I’d seen the lingering glances. And I get it.

I was never one for romance, really. As a younger teenager I was in and out of meaningless relationships with boys in my district, something Onyx was impressed by. But they never got very far. They never meant much to me, and I could never place why.

Mark and I had a conversation about crushes recently, and he suggested I might be asexual. I’d never heard of labels like that, but, if the shoe fits… Yeah. I guess that’s me.

I don’t need a boyfriend— and a girlfriend is definitely not my vibe. My friends and family are more than enough. I’ve broached the idea of a roommate situation with Ruby, and she seems excited about the concept. I’d like to give Martha more space. So we have plans to move into an empty suite together by December. Maybe Ruby can be my buddy through life in a platonic sort of way. I suppose we’re like Tyler and Josh. Maybe not that close. But somewhere on that same spectrum…

I snapped out of my thoughts as I heard a noise beside me. I smiled as I realized it was Clancy snoring. Deep sleep— he needs it.

I finally closed my eyes, sick of staring at the ceiling. I think I’m finally happy. Despite all the shitty things that have happened… Things are looking up. And I don’t see that changing any time soon. So, I’m going to bask in the idea of a brighter future. Because I know it’s coming.

Chapter Text

“Alright. Adrian.” I took a deep breath. Ethan’s expression softened a little. “Are you nervous?”

“Yeah…”

“No need. I’m only testing your ability.”

I glanced down at the pile of firewood.

“What am I supposed to do again…?”

“Try to start the fire.”

“With…”

“Your hands.” After a moment of hesitation I crouched, Ethan following my lead, watching me. I closed my eyes, holding my hands over the wood. I concentrated. I opened my eyes again. Nothing had happened. “You’d probably get a better flow going if you pulled up your sleeves a bit—“

“No.” I interrupted.

Ethan's eyebrows furrowed. “Why not?”

“I’m cold.”

He squinted. “You’re sweating, Adrian.”

“I just don’t want to.” My voice had started to shake, my neck prickling as I’d begun to feel anxious.

“Is there something going on?” Ethan asked softly. My crouching turned into sitting. I felt myself begin to shut down. I didn’t want to answer his question. I didn’t want to be here right now.

“Maybe we can try this again tomorrow.”

“I’m sorry. I just don’t understand what’s wrong, Adrian…”

“It’s just a personal issue.”

“I can help—“

“I don’t need help.” I wiped my face with my hands and I heard Ethan inhale sharply. I froze for a moment. I slowly pulled my hands away and realized my baggy sleeve had bunched up near my elbow, exposing what I was attempting to hide.

“Adrian…” Ethan whispered. I hesitantly met his eyes and saw he looked genuinely concerned.

“It’s been a week, I haven’t— not since I’ve been here— I’m so sorry—“

I gasped as he pulled me into a tight hug.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” I mumbled.

“But I’m sorry, Adrian… Do you have a way to cope with this?”

“Uh… You’re going to hate hearing this.” He pulled away slightly to look me in the eye. “It was kind of encouraged in my district.” I choked out. He seemed to shudder before hugging me again.

“We’re gonna find some coping skills. We’re gonna make sure you stay clean. This is no place for things like that. No place for pain.” He murmured.

“I had no intention of telling people about this.”

“You’re safe with me. I have a good idea of someone you can see. She might have an old textbook lying around that has some coping skills. Maybe she just has some ideas off hand. We can try that. Whenever you’re ready.”

“Ethan, thank you so much. I’m sorry you had to see that. I wasn’t… I…” I trailed off, unsure of what to say.

“I understand. It’s going to get better now that you’re here. Camp is the safest place you can be. I promise you. And… Would you promise me something?” He pulled away again. I nodded. “Please come visit me if you ever feel the urge to do that again. It doesn’t matter the time, or if there’s other people around… I’ll find somewhere private. And we’re gonna talk about it. Not act on it.”

“Okay.” I whispered.

“Let me introduce you to Martha, okay? Her hut is very comforting. You’ll feel at home.” He held out his hand. I took it. He helped me up.

I blinked and was suddenly within another memory. Another that I didn’t really want to be in.

But I wasn’t in control of my past actions, and they felt as real as they did the moment they happened.

The song stopped. But I didn’t pull away to rewind the tape.

I felt his hand in my hair, the back of my head. I smiled as I vaguely conjured an idea. I pulled away for just a moment and started to drift downwards, to his neck.

“Woah.” He gasped. My eyebrows furrowed.

“Too much?”

“Yeah. Not…”

“Sorry, G.”

“Sss okay.” He closed his eyes.

“What, tired already?”

“No. Just… Can’t believe this.”

“As if we’ll even remember it?”

He smirked. “Yeah… you’re right.”

“Keep going?”

“Mhm…” He nodded. I leaned in and kissed him again, my action immediately reciprocated. I felt so warm. I was clearly sweating, but so was he.

I don’t think much mattered at this moment.

After about a minute, I slowed down, pulling away, resting my head on him. “Adri…?”

“Tapping out, man…” I slurred. I heard him exhale. “Whaaat?”

“No, I’m… Glad. I’m exhausted.”

“All that stupid dancing.” I shrugged. He giggled. “Well… Night…”

“You’re sleeping here?”

“Not moving an inch.”

“Mmkay… Night, Adri…”

“I like it when you call me that…” I could feel sleep urging me to stop talking.

“I… I like you, I think.” That was the last thing I heard from Gabe as I drifted off.

My eyes shot open.

I took a shaky breath.

I listened to Sage’s breathing. She seemed to be awake, too.

“Hey, babe?” I didn’t mean for my voice to come off so unsure.

“Adri, what’s wrong?”

Adri… There’s that fucking nickname again. Guess she’s not the only one who knows I like that name. That I like it a lot.

“I’ve just had something on my mind.”

I felt the bed shift. “You need to talk?”

“Yeah… Please?”

“C’mere, I’ve got you…”

I moved to face her. Flick.

I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment, trying to adjust to the shift in lighting. When I opened them again, I was faced with her concerned expression. I took a deep breath.

“It’s not a big deal. I don’t think it is, at least. Maybe it is. Shit. I just… I can’t keep it from you.”

“Adrian, talk it out. I’m listening.” She assured me. I stared at her for a moment.

“The way your hair frames your face right now is really nice.” I murmured.

“Are you still a little drunk?” She smirked.

“Maybe. But I mean that…”

“Thanks…” She raised her eyebrow slightly and I remembered I was supposed to be talking.

“Right.” Another deep breath. “I’ve mentioned my ex before, right? Jack?”

“Yeah. Of course. I know the name, I hate the guy. We’ve talked about it.” She nodded.

“The night that he broke up with me, I, uh…” I grimaced, looking away. “I was gonna make some bad decisions. I didn’t. But— I sort of did anyway. Just not like that.” I felt a familiar ache in my throat and knew I’d start fighting off tears soon. “Um…”

“Hey, Adrian…” Sage said gently. I looked up at her with wide eyes as she caressed my cheek. “It’s okay to talk about whatever you’re feeling, since it’s clearly bothering you… I’m here to listen. You know I always am. I understand.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that.” I held her wrist and guided her hand away from my face. Her eyebrows furrowed. “It’s probably not as bad as I think it is. It just… It feels really bad to admit, even though we didn’t know each other that closely yet.”

“Honey, just let it out. It’s alright.”

“You promise it’ll be okay?”

“I do.”

I closed my eyes, my breathing shallow. “I didn’t know where to go. I just needed a distraction. I… I definitely got one. Uhh, I ended up at a friend's hut. And we ended up dancing. And drinking. And… We kissed for a while. But then— I guess I fell asleep. So it was… It never got any crazier than that.”

“Why are you so bothered by this, Adri? Sounds like it was a one night stand without the, uh, stand.” I opened my eyes and she was smiling at me. My frown got deeper.

“My friend that I did that stuff with is also your friend, Sage. And that makes it feel weird.”

“Who was it?” She asked, her voice lowering. I took another deep breath. “Adrian, if that’s all that happened, I’m not going to be bothered—“

“It was Gabe.” I blurted. I looked away quickly.

“Ah. I see.” Silence filled the room as my eyes filled with tears. “Adrian?”

Another attempt at a deep breath turned into a shaking inhale. I held my breath, afraid of what her reaction truly was. And then I felt it.

Chapter Text

“Adrian?”

I stared at the mess that was my boyfriend. He was cowering, as if he expected me to scream at him. He took a shaky breath and held it there, as if he was going to burst into tears upon exhaling.

It seems I’m not the only one with a complicated history with Gabe. He was the first person I ever had a crush on, though it didn’t last all that long— we were platonic, and those butterfly feelings faded with time. Despite that, he certainly helped me figure out some things about myself… But that’s not important to think about right now.

I leaned a little closer and wrapped my arms around him.

“Sage…” He whined.

“It’s not a big deal.” I assured him gently.

“It isn’t?” His voice sounded tiny.

“Adri. It’s fine. Like you said— we weren’t even dating yet. It’s all out on the table, it’s over with, we’re okay… You think that small of a thing would bother me that much?”

“It sure bothered me when I remembered it tonight.”

“Shit, Adri, you didn’t even remember it?” I scoffed. He shook his head slightly, burying his face into my shoulder. “Did… Did Gabe remember?”

“Yeah. He went into the bathroom after me. We talked about it. We’re… We’re okay.”

“That Gabriel guy can get around, huh?”

“What—?”

“Feels like he’s had awkward tension with half of our friends. I wonder if Mark knows. Or… If that sort of thing even matters to them?”

“Wait— who else?” Adrian lifted his head a little. My face turned red.

“Oh… Well, you know how we were, like, best friends for years?”

“Sage, did you guys—“

“Nothing!” I said quickly. “But I certainly was crushing on the guy for a second…”

“Well. I guess we’re kind of even.”

“Yep. No worries there…” Silence enveloped us. I hugged him again. “I don’t want you to be afraid to tell me stuff. Ever. Do I make myself clear, baby?” I asked softly.

“Mhm…” He nuzzled his face into my neck. I smiled and ran my fingers through his wavy hair.

“I love you…”

“Love you.” He relaxed, sighing deeply.

“Still tired?”

“Yeah.”

“Lay down then, you’re alright. It’s been a big day, huh?”

“Hmm.”

“Babe?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Just want you to hold me.” He mumbled.

“Okay…” I petted his hair again, and he seemed to melt into me. “You get really clingy when you’re drunk.”

“But you love it. Hmm?”

“You’re right… Why don’t we both lay down? And I can keep holding you?” I suggested. He made a vague noise of approval. “Half asleep already…” I chided.

We leaned back onto the bed. I felt the pillow hit the back of my head.

“Mm’ so glad I’m really here.”

His words made me freeze for a moment. I knew he meant he was present, not projecting, warm and not cold, but I couldn't help but remind myself of the times he’d considered leaving. The times he’d struggled with the idea of those bad decisions he’d mentioned. The times I wasn’t there to help him through it.

“I’m glad you’re here too, Adri. In every possible way.” I whispered.

Chapter Text

I heard faint voices.

“I know. I’m surprised he isn’t awake yet.”

“Once he manages to fall asleep, he sleeps deeply. It’s just a matter of getting to that point, I suppose.”

“Well, the letter will be waiting for him…”

I forced my eyes open. I sat up slightly, my eyes focusing on Martha and Abby in the kitchen.

“Do you think he’ll be—“

“A letter?” I asked softly.

“Ah, he wakes.” Martha smiled at me warmly. “Here, let me give it to you. A cup of tea, too?”

“Sure… Thank you…” I took the mug and a white envelope from her hands. I set the mug on the nightstand, hyperfocused on my shaking hands. I opened the envelope and took a deep breath before I unfolded it. “Wait.” I looked back up at them. “This is from Damien?”

“Yeah.” Abby nodded.

“When was he here?”

“A few hours ago.”

“Did he seem… Okay?”

The two of them shared a glance.

“I think so, Clancy.” Abby responded softly.

Another deep breath. I unfolded the letter.

Clancy,

I’m sorry for my reaction last night.

Sometimes things are a bit too difficult for me to process in the moment. That’s a reflection on myself, and not on you.

I shouldn’t have been so harsh on you for a slip of tongue. I used to do it constantly with Nico, and all it got me was violence.

I can’t repeat that cycle, in any capacity.

Last night, when I was alone, I heard someone speaking to me. And we had a very nice conversation. I believe it was Paxton, a friend of your friends, your family.

I know how that sounds, especially coming from me. But these spirits, he said there were five of them, left me a message fogged onto the mirror. And it was something I swear I’ve heard from you— Overtake your former self.

I have a lot of thinking to do. But it won’t be alone. Not anymore.

I’ve headed to Josh and Tyler’s, I figured if anyone would know how to identify these five… It would be them.

If you’re willing to talk to me, that’s where I’ll be. I’ll wait in the courtyard when I’m done. And if you need more time, I understand.

I really hope I sound rational. It’s difficult to explain. The last thing I need is for anyone to be concerned about me when things are finally better.

I love you, Kitty. I hope you got some sleep.

Yours,

Damien

I looked back up at Abby and Martha once I’d finished reading. They were already watching me, waiting for a reaction.

“I’m going to Tyler and Josh’s. I’ll keep you updated.”

“Son, what did he say?”

“I’ll explain when I have more information. I don’t want to give you any sort of false hope.”

I’m glad I chose slip-on shoes today. My hands have always been a giveaway on how anxious I feel, tying laces would take too long in this state. I hid my trembling hands within my jacket pockets and left Martha’s room without another word.

Chapter Text

I jolted awake to a knock at our door. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, looking over at Josh.

“That wasn't four knocks.” I mumbled. He nodded.

“I’ve got it…” He slipped out of bed and shuffled to the door. He opened it just a crack and I watched his posture tense.

“Good morning.”

“Damien?”

My eyes widened. I forced myself onto my feet and joined Josh at the door.

“Could we… Could we chat? It’s fine if not. I just…” His eyes trailed to me and he fell silent.

“Are you feeling okay?” I asked softly.

“Yes! Yes. It’s— it’s not like that. I promise you.” He said quickly. I squinted at him. He looks a little frantic. I made eye contact with Josh.

“I know how to get a doctor here fast if things seem off. I’ll trust him, Ty.” He messaged me. I pursed my lips and nodded slightly. Josh opened the door a little further and allowed Damien inside.

“Do you like coffee, Damien?” I asked.

“Ah… Not really. It makes me anxious.” He glanced around the room. “Do you want me to take my shoes off, or—“

“You’re okay… Make yourself comfortable. The couch is all yours.” I shrugged.

“Thank you.” He said quietly.

Josh and I observed him as he sat on the edge of the seat. He looked back up at us hesitantly. I leaned against the foot of the bed.

“So… What’s going on?” Josh asked gently.

“Uhh, it’ll sound a little weird. So just… Trust me for a moment?” He cocked his head a bit. I nodded, urging him to continue. “I think your friend spoke to me last night. Your friend that’s, um… No longer with us.”

Josh shuddered beside me. My eyebrows furrowed. “Do you know who it was? We’ve… lost a few over the last year or so.” My voice cracked.

“Paxton.” He practically whispered.

“Abby said he wasn’t in the dreamscape anymore. And that was before the battle even happened, by at least a month.”

“It wasn’t a dream. I was awake. I—“ He closed his eyes. “I heard his voice inside my head.”

“Damien, what makes you think it was him?” Josh asked. Damien rubbed his face with his hands.

“This is hard to explain. I feel like I sound crazy.”

“Aren’t we all a little crazy?” I murmured.

Damien smirked. “That’s… That’s why I came to you two. You seem to get it. And— He told me that I should talk to you, Tyler. He said it always helped him. That’s when I asked if it was him— and he vanished. He kept saying he’d lose his connection with me if he gave away too much. But he mentioned a few other hints. There’s five of them. And they’ve all been observing us, the last nine months, he said.”

“Five…?” I repeated softly. He nodded.

“Norman was one, he said his name outright. And he said… A doctor was there.”

“Rose. That has to be. Right?” Josh suggested. I nodded.

“Was there anyone Paxton was close to that would’ve, uh…” Damien grimaced.

“Onyx…” I gasped.

“Who’s the fifth?” Josh murmured.

“Who else did we lose?” I asked, to no one in particular.

Chapter Text

“Jet. It has to be him— he’s the fifth one.” I blurted. Mark nudged me to tell me to quiet down, his eyes closed.

“I hope they haven’t been watching everything…” He groaned. I rubbed his back gently. His hangover was clearly worse than mine.

“What an interesting development.” Martha spoke up from the corner of the room. My eyes widened. She’d been completely silent until now.

“What are we supposed to do? Is there a way for us to contact them? Can they send us a sign?” Abby asked.

“I… I think they’ve been sending us signs this entire time. Little miracles.” Clancy said softly.

“What do you mean, Clancy?” I asked.

“That moment of silence Josh initiated at the huddle. Did… Did anyone else feel like you were being watched? But… In a warm way?”

My eyes trailed around the room, and each of us seemed to be in awe— had all of us felt that way?

“Can… Okay. I’m talking to the ghosts. Or whatever you are. Angels…?” Tyler closed his eyes. “Can you give us a sign right now?”

The room went dead silent.

Then I heard a noise. A buzzing noise.

“The lights are getting brighter.” Martha whispered. I looked up. And she was right.

They glowed brighter, brighter, brighter—

Click. We were engulfed in darkness.

“That’s certainly a sign.” Mark mumbled.

I heard something fall from inside the bathroom. Josh hopped up and opened the door slowly. He tried the light and it turned on. We all carefully gathered around the door. Damien gasped. “This is just like what they did last night.”

The bottle of hand soap was in the sink. The sink was on, hot water steaming up the room. The mirror was fogged, and a message was written on the surface.

Miss you.

So proud of you.

We love you.

See you again, but not too soon.

Chapter Text

I’ve felt sick since I spoke with Damien. I know nothing can happen to me here, that I’ll get better soon enough, but I’m certainly weak after such a prolonged period of communication.

Norman wrote everyone the message on the mirror in Gabe’s apartment, as he seemed to be the strongest of the five of us. Jet came up with the light idea. And Onyx, well, they’ve been quiet.

“Onyx?” I asked softly.

“Hey, Pax. What do you need?” They were at the foot of my bed instantly, moving from their spot in the rocking chair in the corner of the room.

“I’m okay… Uh… Are you okay, though?”

Their eyes widened. “Yeah.”

“Are you sure…?” I frowned. They looked away. “Sit with me?” They nodded a little and sat on the edge of the bed.

“I wish I was strong enough to talk to Abby, the way you did with Damien. But I keep trying, and I can’t seem to start it. It’s like the time Josh couldn’t start the fire. Do you remember that? It was because—“

“He was worried about Tyler. I remember. That’s… That’s the night I really connected with him.” I nodded. We fell into a period of silence. “I’m so proud of him, Onyx…”

“I know. Me too. He was the only one I saw on the screen for… Weeks. I was so worried, but then he finally woke up. And… When I finally saw everyone else, I… I cried. A lot.”

“Me too.” I admitted. They reached for my hand. I took a deep breath. “Onyx, I’m glad you’re here. That you’re not stuck somewhere like I was for a while. I… I know you didn’t want this. But… I really needed someone like you. Someone I remembered.”

“Oh, Paxton. I’m sorry you were by yourself.” They hugged me, and warmth coursed through me. I managed to smile.

“It’s okay. That’s probably what it’ll be like when we leave.”

“Are… Are you going to leave?” They asked softly. I pulled away and nodded slightly.

“Once I make sure they’re all happy… I think I might. This is lovely, don’t get me wrong, but… It’s like I’m living a second life. I’m conflicted. I didn’t want to be here so soon, and yet… Maybe it was supposed to be this way.”

“I’m not ready yet. I don’t know when I will be.”

“That’s okay… We’re allowed to stay as long as we want.”

“Do you think it’s scary? Once you decide to leave here?”

“I… I don’t think so. I think it’ll be peaceful. But I also think… it’ll be what you expect. If you’re scared… Maybe it would be scary. You know?”

“I guess there’s only one way to find out.”

“Keep trying for Abby, Onyx. But don’t push yourself too hard. I think I did. Once I’m better… If you still can’t, I can try to—“ They hugged me tightly.

“Thank you.”

“Yeah… Of course. I— I miss her too. She was like my sister.” My voice cracked and I realized I had begun to cry. I’d almost forgotten about Mara. And yet…

Abby was more of a sister than Mara ever was.

Chapter Text

Ethan and I sat in silence in my room. Abby had gone to see Ruby, and Clancy was with Damien. I could feel we both wanted to say something, yet here we were… Quiet.

“Do you want coffee?” I asked.

His eyebrows furrowed. “You have coffee here?”

“Well, you left some last time we had breakfast together. But… I might’ve picked some up from the food pantry, with you in mind. I know you don’t care for peppermint tea.” I tried to act nonchalant but a smile spread across my face as I watched his expression shift.

“How considerate, Martha…”

“Maybe I care about you, Torchbearer.” I shrugged, standing and heading towards the kitchen.

“No, no… that can’t be true. There’s no reason you’d hang out with me for the last decade and a half.” He smirked.

“What’s on your mind this morning?” I breached the subject as I set up the coffee maker.

I heard him take a deep breath.

“I think you and I are thinking about the same couple of people.” He said softly.

“Indeed.” I turned back to look at him. “Despite the obvious thought of not wanting them there in the first place… I’m glad they have each other. Wherever ‘there’ might be.”

“I agree… Rose and Norman being together again, hmm? Do you think they’ve talked about things?”

“Well… Did I not share details of their separation, Ethan?”

“Oh— no. I figured it wasn’t my place.”

“She simply realized… She didn’t like men. What she’d been feeling for him wasn’t exactly romantic love. And it was very amicable, he understood completely. If not for the stress of their jobs, and Sage siding with Norman out of fear of how Rose would react to her transition… I’m certain they would’ve been great friends, great co-parents. So…” I took a deep breath as the coffee maker beeped. “I’m sure they’re great co-parents for Paxton now.” My voice lowered.

“I miss that kid.” Ethan sighed.

“You know I think of him every day.”

“I know.” He nodded. “I’m sure he knows, too…” He paused for a few moments. I poured the coffee into a mug. I turned to face him again and realized he looked emotional.

“Ethan, what is it?”

“Poor Jet.” He grimaced.

I frowned, setting the coffee mug on the table near him and taking my seat again. “Did you… See him? During the fight?” I asked softly. Ethan nodded. “Oh. I’m so sorry. You never…”

“I’m still not great about sharing things like that. But yes. I saw him leave. He… He looked at me, as if he was begging for help, as the neon…” He closed his eyes. “But I couldn’t get there quick enough to help. I just…” He grimaced. “I saw the light leave his eyes.” He whispered.

“Oh, honey…” I held his hand. He took a few slow breaths, and I tried to mirror him.

“Sorry.”

“No, no… No need for that…” I assured him. “I heard about Onyx, too. From Abby.”

“I was the first one they saw when they woke up. I just needed to make sure they weren’t alone. With everyone so focused on Tyler… I dunno. I know what it’s like to be in a hospital room alone. It’s not preferable. It gets a little scary.”

I realized he was pulling this experience from after his family passed, when they were treating his burns. I squeezed his hand a little. He looked up at me.

“I wish I would’ve known you back then. I would’ve been there.”

“It’s alright. We met within two years of that. And… Here we are, back in the walls, hmm?” He glanced around the room. His expression softened. “I’m glad we were able to help so many people, Martha.”

“I knew we would…” I shrugged.

“No, I… I mean it. Just think about it. How many lives we saved. Just by being a shoulder to cry on…”

I frowned as fragments of memories passed through my head.

The day Clancy arrived in camp… Only a few days later was the first time he was seized.

Ethan bringing Adrian to me after he’d discovered his cuts. All three of us ended up in tears as he promised he’d stay clean— and he’d kept that promise for nearly seven years now.

Onyx borrowed some bakeware from me. I wouldn’t realize how impactful that decision would be until years later.

The way Ethan and I noticed Mark and Josh befriending Gabe once they came into camp. And once Tyler came… It truly changed their dynamic. The core four, we referred to them as, for a while.

My darling Abby… How excited she was, how simultaneously nervous she was for all the new experiences that surrounded her. I’m so glad I offered her my hut as a place to stay. That temporary fix quickly turned permanent.

I’m so excited for her to move in with Ruby at the end of this year. She’s grown into such an amazing young woman the past four years.

We’d started to notice Tyler’s seizings as Clancy’s got more and more frequent. I can’t believe I thought those would be the most stressful two months of my life. I had no idea what the following three years would bring.

The way Abby stepped up for me after Clancy left… Her and Ethan fed me, they allowed me to cry as much as I needed. They didn’t leave when I tried to push them away. I still can’t find the proper words to show the two of them how much that meant to me. I think they each saved my life, more than once.

Watching from a distance as Mark and Gabe struggled to comfort Josh, the four months Tyler was missing.

I knew he was out there, just as I knew Clancy was. But I had my doubts.

Everyone did.

The relief I felt when I saw Josh carrying him back into camp, nearly unrecognizable with that pink hair.

The joy I felt hearing him sing again.

Paxton. My sweet boy…

I miss you every day. And maybe you know that. Maybe you can hear it when I think of you.

I wish there was a way to bring you back like Clancy. But we don’t always get what we want.

I felt inside my right pocket, the taped ring that had found its home there.

We don’t always get what we want.

But life is interesting that way.

Because more often than not…

I finally looked up at Ethan again.

The good outweighs the bad.

Chapter Text

“This is so weird, seeing you all dressed so casually.” I smirked, glancing around at my colleagues in the warmly lit room.

“Hey, we needed to celebrate! I can feel the good energy all around us, after hearing about that wedding and all…” Dina smiled at me.

“I can’t remember the last time I celebrated someone’s birthday.” Velma noted. “I’m glad it’s yours, Rae.”

“Cheers to that!” Jean smiled. “Another lap around the sun, young man…”

“Hey, I’m twenty five. I don’t know about ‘young’.” I shrugged. There was immediate pushback from the three people at the table.

“We’re in our early forties to early fifties, Rae. Twenty five is a baby.” Henry patted me on the shoulder, appearing from behind me. “Who wants to help me get some food on plates?”

“I’ve got you.” Jean stood quickly and joined Henry in the kitchen.

“This is a really nice place, Dina… So calming here. The lighting and all…” I turned in my seat and looked around.

“Ah, yes. The overhead light is no friend of mine. Warm lighting, lamps, fairy lights… It really makes it cozy to come back here after a long day. I have some spare decor, if you want it?”

“I’ll have to take you up on that.” I nodded, smiling.

“It’s like you never left the seventies. I like it.” Velma’s eyes trailed around the room.

“Oh—“ Dina scoffed. “I was a kid in the seventies! I’m not that old!” She protested.

“The oldest out of the five of us!” Jean called from the kitchen. I closed my eyes as laughter rang out around me.

I’m so glad I’m here…

“Hey, what’s on your mind?” Henry asked gently. I opened my eyes again as he set a plate in front of me. The room had gone quiet at his question.

“I’m just thinking about… How lucky I am.” I said softly. “That I made it out of all that alive.”

“We told you your jaw would heal up just fine.” Jean said, just above a whisper.

“Not just that, it’s just— everything that’s happened in the past year. Something I never really talked about was… The way they threatened me during that live show. I barely spoke to Tyler and Josh, because I was genuinely scared for my life. I managed to not get hurt. But… I also caught a glimpse of them as the Bishops carried them back to their room. After they’d been… Punished. I was terrified of the ability the Bishops had to hurt people so blatantly, as if they were in the right. And who was going to stop them?” I took a shaky breath, closing my eyes again. “There’s a lot of reasons I never dared to leave here for camp, and that was certainly one of them. The four of you— and also Norman… I think you all underestimate how much you helped me regain my confidence. You say I was just shy, that I’ve been brought out of my shell. But it was a lot more than that. You made me feel safe in this city. So… Thank you.”

“Oh, honey…” Dina stood from her seat and hugged me. I smiled a little as my colleagues surrounded me. Soft voices, hugs, pats on the back. I knew they were genuine. As genuine as they were with a patient— because these people genuinely care, so much.

All of them have made mistakes, sure. Clearly I’ve made at least one in my career… That clipboard. But truly caring means more than any medication mix-up, any missing supplies, any slip of tongue. It means more than overlooking an object you thought was safe.

Caring about people is why I’m here, it’s why I chose this path. And people who care about me have certainly saved my life. They’ve saved the lives of people I care about. They’ve saved so many people that deserve to be here.

And I deserve to be here too.

“I’m glad you made it to twenty five, Rae.” Jean squeezed my shoulder. Comfortable silence fell over us again as everyone regained composure and sat at the table. I looked down at my plate. I didn’t realize a simple flatbread pizza would make me so emotional. A single candle stuck out of it, someone had lit it when I wasn’t paying attention.

“I’m glad I did too.” I whispered.

I blew out the candle.

Here’s to another twenty five years.

Chapter Text

There aren’t many balconies in Dema. No places to hide. No place to think that wouldn’t have been your lonely cell of a room, where you couldn’t get rid of that pestering neon glow unless you closed your eyes and pretended it was sunlight.

But I’ve found a tiny spot, where my body manages to fit perfectly, in exposed concrete and jutting brick just outside the window of my new studio room. It’s not the safest— Martha wouldn’t want me up here. But if Damien calls me Kitty, perhaps I have nine lives.

Hell, I’ve already spent at least one…

The stars are out, and I stare at them. I remind myself of how small I truly am in comparison to this grand universe.

To someone else, that thought might be frightening. But to me… It’s nice to not have attention on me, even for that little moment, before I’m thrust into my reality and reminded that people perceive me.

Arriving at camp was such a relief. Meeting Martha, re-introducing myself to Ethan and seeing his surprise… He kept to himself, and she warmed right up to me. My relief didn’t last long.

The reality of what I’d truly been dealing with hit me hard and fast when there was no Bishop to quietly scrub away the substance from my hands and put me back to bed.

The headaches, the exhaustion, the memory loss… I was being seized for years, and all I had was an inkling that something was wrong.

So it was no wonder they became angry when I was finally free from their grasp. Because they wanted their toy. Their Performer.

I remember the way I broke down in tears the first time Martha witnessed a seizing. I was scared, I was hurt, I was confused. How was it possible for me to be controlled this way? I’m alive. They can only control the dead. Can’t they…? I’m not dead. And yet…

We learned how to deal with it.

Well, they learned. They recognized how to clean my hands and neck, to give me time to rest, to keep me socialized by the fire. Ethan even went back into the city to get the jar of kaliportu from the doctors when I had been vomiting the substance for days, and I thought that would’ve been an impossible task. I simply adapted. I accepted help, even when all I wanted was to shy away. At first.

I’d stuffed my essentials into a backpack when I escaped, and that included my year’s worth of testosterone shots, buffered with packing tape and bubble wrap so the syringes wouldn’t crack or leak. Each month I’d sneak into the bathroom and give myself the dose, hiding the needle underneath other trash.

But one day pretty early into my time in Trench, right as I was about to inject my thigh, I felt cold and dizzy. All I could do was gasp, and I’m sure that wasn’t what Martha heard— I’m certain that she heard me when my body hit the hard floor with a thud.

I woke up, groaning and disoriented, which quickly turned into a scream when I heard the door pounding with a force I’d never witnessed before.

The door broke off its hinges, and Ethan scooped me up in his arms, not caring the substance plagued his clothes. I guess the lock had broken, and Martha couldn’t unlock it to get to me. But Ethan found a way, through sheer force and determination.

I never learned what Nico wanted to say to me that day, because no one heard him. But I had some explaining to do when the two of them questioned me about the needle on the floor.

I saw the relief wash over Martha’s face as she realized I was simply transgender and not doing drugs in her nice clean bathroom.

Ethan lent me some old clothes when I’d told him I didn’t have much to wear besides my old stuff from Dema and my Bandito jacket, and that collection included the dark blue-grey hoodie I still wear to this day. I’m very lucky that it just so happened to materialize along with me when I became corporeal again. I guess you die with what’s most familiar to you.

I heard a tap on the window and it snapped me out of my memories in a jolt. I squinted— there was a glare on the glass from the moonlight. The window creaked open and I was face to face with Ethan. “Hey, Clance.”

“How’d you know I was out here?”

“Damien said you like to hang out right here… He let me in, if that’s okay.”

“Yeah, of course it’s okay… What’s up?”

“Mind if I pull a chair to the window? I’d just like to talk for a minute.”

“Sure, Ethan.” I nodded, my voice quiet.

I watched closely as he took Damien’s dining chair and pulled it over to me. He sat, he scooted himself a bit closer. He stared at me for a moment. I stared back.

“You look different.”

“Do I?” I raised an eyebrow.

“In a good way. Your face has rounded out a bit. Your eyes aren’t so tired. Your hair is definitely more white, but… It looks neat. Like lightning streaks.”

“Lightning…” I repeated softly.

That’s what Martha used to call my scars.

“I’ve just been thinking about you.”

“You know, your little window knock interrupted my own train of thought— about you, about that hoodie you lent me.” I said. I watched his expression soften.

“I’m so glad I found you again, Clancy.”

Chapter Text

Something was pulling me to camp again.

I tend to go with my gut, and it’s been nagging at me for a few days now. Something’s out there. And I need to figure out what.

I reached the outskirts and took a deep breath. It was a mess out here. Some of the huts had been damaged when our location was compromised, including Mark’s, which had been singed by flame, partially destroyed.

My eyes trailed to the left. My blood seemed to run cold. Clancy’s hut, the furthest one. Untouched. The windows were still boarded up from the inside. The smear marks were still on the door. I tried to justify my curiosity. Maybe there’s more of that red medicine in the cabinet, the one that Damien still needs. Surely it’s limited, right? That would be nice. For the doctors. My feet carried me forward through the dead grass and rocky trails, up to the door. I scoffed at myself when I nearly knocked. There’s no one here. There hasn’t been for years.

The door creaked as it opened and I heard a rustling noise. My eyebrows furrowed. What animal has found its home here?

It was too dark to see, the sunlight only took me so far, and I didn’t see any life in its rays. I glanced down and saw a small fragment of wood. I picked it up and lit the tip of it with a flick of my wrist. Slowly, the room illuminated a little more. I willed the flame to glow a little brighter.

There was something huddled up on the bed, shaking, covered in blankets. An animal wouldn’t do that. This was a human.

“Hello?” I whispered. The form tensed. “Do you need help? Why are you out here? Do you need to go to the hospital?” My voice was shaking, but I tried to sound calm.

I heard a response, too quiet to process, a breathy moan.

“Can I get closer to you?” I asked. It seemed to take a deep breath. That didn’t seem like a clear objection, so I took a step forward. The floor creaked, and both of us jumped at the noise. “It’s okay… I won’t hurt you…” I murmured.

Two more steps.

“Are you hurt, or sick?” I asked softly. The person began to shiver again, almost as if it was crying. I crouched beside the bed. “Can I uncover—“ It tensed and backed itself further towards the wall. “I just want to help you.”

“I don’t deserve your help.” A weak whisper, one I barely managed to understand.

“Would you try to fight back if I helped you anyway?” I asked softly. The person froze.

“If you’re who I think you are, I’d never hurt you.” They replied, their voice still raspy and quiet.

“Who do you think I am? Do you know me…?” I retorted, my stomach aching as anxiety began to build. The person began to move. I realized they’d been faced away from me. They rolled, slowly sitting up and leaning against the wall, the blanket still managing to obscure their face. Their breathing was heavy, as if that little amount of movement was too much to handle.

Their shaking hands reached for the makeshift hood, and features came at me individually, as if my brain couldn’t make sense of what I was seeing with my own two eyes.

Matted black hair, white that began at the hairline and painted his head with streaks— more white than I could remember. A creased forehead, eyebrows perpetually furrowed. Soft blue eyes, filled with tears.

“Ethan…” He whispered.

When I reached for him, he flinched, causing me to freeze. He looked up at me as if he was afraid. Slowly, gently, my hands held his face. He was cold. But I could feel him breathing. He was moving. My thumb swiped gently across his cheek, wiping away warm tears.

Clancy was alive.

I wrapped my arms around him tightly and I was shocked at how frail he was. The hoodie he was wearing had a lot of room, and my hands seemed to feel the indents of ribs through the fabric. “When’s the last time you ate something?” My voice shook. I pulled away to look at him and his face told me what I needed to know. “You need food and water. You’re clearly sick— you’re weak, you’re shaking, you’re cold. I— I need to get some things for you, okay? I’ll go as quickly as I can.”

“Ethan…” He choked out.

“Clancy?” My eyebrows furrowed.

“I don’t want you to leave.”

Tears pricked at my eyes and I blinked them away. “One hour. I’ll only be gone for one hour. Just… Don’t move. Get some rest. And, Clancy—“

His eyes were wide. He nodded slightly, hanging onto my every word.

“Please be right here when I come back…”

“I promise.” He whispered.

He kept his promise.

Chapter Text

I’ve been sitting on the small couch in Clancy and I’s room for about ten minutes. Ethan and Clancy are lost in conversation, in reminiscing, in bittersweet anecdotes. I’m bundled up with a blanket, and every so often I catch a glimpse into their world from their voices getting a little louder.

Neither of them have noticed I returned to the room, and somehow that’s comforting to me.

Everyone seems to be looking back at things recently. I’m not sure what it is, if there’s something in the air, or perhaps it’s because of the spirits and their newly discovered presence.

I don’t have much to look back on that’s positive. And the old me would’ve been bothered by that. He would’ve been jealous, a sour taste in his mouth quickly turning to frustration. To anger— why didn’t I get what I wanted? Why don’t I deserve any nice things? Why is all the memory I seem to have rooted in torture and pain?

But it simply makes me all the more grateful for the present moment.

Right now, I am cuddled up on the most plush couch, bundled in the softest blanket. The breeze through the window is perfectly cooling, and the chatter I’m hearing comes from my boyfriend and his brother. I have a boyfriend. I keep reminding myself of that, because I never thought I would. I never thought I’d have anyone like that, let alone Clancy, the single friend I managed to gain within a twelve year timespan, the period of time in which I’d never felt more isolated despite having eight coworkers I saw on a daily basis.

I was never alone in this world.

“Ah— Damien!” I looked up to see Ethan smiling at me. A smile formed on my face in return automatically. “I’m sorry we didn’t hear you come in…”

“Oh, that’s fine.” I shrugged.

“Did you want something to eat for dinner? I could cook you two something.” He offered. I smiled a little wider.

“You know, I picked up some ingredients for teriyaki chicken, but I haven’t gotten around to making it yet. Would you be down to help me with it?” I suggested softly as Clancy re-entered the room through the window.

“I’d be honored, Damien.” Ethan grinned. “Are you cold? Need a jacket or anything before we start?” He’d already opened the cabinets and was looking around.

“No, I’m alright…” I shrugged the blanket off of me and joined him in the kitchen. Clancy took a seat in one of the tall chairs, the one Ethan had moved up to the window. We didn’t have a real dining table, but we did have a counter top that was connected to the stove area, sort of like a little breakfast nook. I found it endearing.

It was a simple meal. Chicken, white rice, broccoli that I managed to overcook and overcompensate for by smothering it in sauce… But despite all of that… It was the best meal I’ve ever had. Because it felt like home.

I finally feel like I have a home.

Chapter Text

“Thank you for coming to this special presentation by Good Day Dema. Remember to submit to Vialism. See you tomorrow.” I recited. My voice cracked on the word tomorrow, heartbreak seeping into my soul, knowing I wasn’t lucky enough to be saved from this city. I’d truly imagined him. Josh… My savior. I stared out into the crowd and watched the people trickle out of the hall. A cold hand clapped onto my shoulder and I seethed, burning pain coursing through my body from the contact on freshly made wounds.

“Are you ready to run?” A whispering voice asked me. A sudden burst of calm forced itself through my body. That’s Josh’s voice. Even if he doesn’t truly exist… This is it. This is my only chance to escape this hell.

I began to walk off stage. I heard footsteps follow my lead. Suddenly they sped up and he was in front of me. An olive green hoodie. Yellow tape. A torch. This is Josh— he is real. He was running, and I kept his pace, my lungs already burning as adrenaline began to course through me.

He glanced back at me, his soft brown eyes seemingly scanning my expression. His gaze wasn’t cold, it wasn’t judging, it wasn’t hungry. It made me feel warm. And I’ve felt so cold, for so long… I don’t know how long it’s been.

I don’t know anything.

We turned a corner. I read the sign above us with frantic eyes— Emergency Exit. This is it.

“You ready?” Josh asked, breathless. I nodded. The door burst open, the sunlight poured onto my skin, the red light flooded my vision, the sirens welled in my ears, but not louder than my heartbeat, my blood pumping, the tempo steadily rising. I was trembling now, I could feel my body starting to give up on me. Josh looked back at me again as we rushed outside. “Come on, Tyler. We’re almost there.” He reached out his hand. I took a shaky breath in and grabbed his hand. His grip was tight, and he urged me forward.

I do know one thing. Even just one.

This person is going to get me out of here.

Suddenly, I was in darkness. My eyes refused to stay open. I heard whispering voices, dripping water, the crackle of fire. Strong hands were holding me. Guiding me. I heard footsteps.

I forced my eyes open. Josh… Carrying me? Where are we? How long have I been out?

“I’m sorry, Josh.” I said hoarsely.

“It’s okay. Don’t be afraid. We’re going home.” His voice soothed me. I drifted yet again.

…

“Ty?” I heard a soft voice call for me.

“Josh…?” My eyebrows furrowed.

“Why are you sorry?”

My eyes drifted open. We were facing each other, lying down. My eyes focused on the sunset on his tattoo sleeve, then to his eyes. His amber brown eyes were always the part of him I seemed to remember the most.

“Tyler, why are you sorry?” He repeated softly.

“Oh.” I took a slow breath, rolling onto my back. “I must’ve been talking in my sleep again.”

“I don’t want to push you… But…”

“But… You’re nosy?” I smirked. I glanced over at him again. He had a hint of a smile on his face. He nodded. “The day you rescued me. In the tunnel. I told you I was sorry. I don’t really know why… I didn’t want you to have to carry me. But it was bigger than that. We both know I didn’t think very highly of myself at that point— I just thought, like, why would someone go through all that effort? All that potential danger? For one person…?”

“Because that person was you.”

Silence hung in the air as I stared up at the ceiling. He said it as if it was obvious, as if it was a casual statement and not a heart wrenching confession of his loyalty. He said it as if it was just a fact of life. And perhaps it was.

“You wanted to be found. A Torchbearer is a natural born leader, but they’re also someone who guides lost souls. You were lost. So I found you.” He elaborated softly.

“You found me.” I exhaled, in awe.

“I found you.” He nodded, his voice lowering further. I forced my eyes to trail back to him.

I sat up slowly. I allowed the warm tears to leave my eyes and trail down my cheeks, a soft release of tension. I hadn’t felt an epiphany like this in a while. But the strange thing is, I’m not fully sure how to articulate this… This feeling.

“Tyler, are you okay?”

“Yeah. I am.” I nodded slowly.

He didn’t seem to believe me. He sat up as well, I could feel his eyes on me. My vision focused on his shoulder. The large scar. Where they’d reopened that wound, over and over, the injury that took the longest to heal between the two of us.

“Ty?” He put a hand over the scar, forcing me to look away. I locked eyes with him again.

“Let’s have some coffee.” I said softly.

When he didn’t object, I stood and headed to the kitchen. I heard his footsteps against the wood floor as he trailed behind me. I listened to the familiar beep as the coffee machine began to heat the water. You found me. You found me. A drag path. Etched in the surface, as evidence.

I stepped away from the kitchen counter and headed for the desk as fast as my legs would move. “Tyler, seriously, is everything o—“

Josh went quiet as I removed my song notebook from the drawer. I flipped to an empty page. I began to write. And I kept writing.

Page after page. Song after song.

What I couldn’t say in words, I managed to articulate in lyrics. And everything, every feeling, every doubt… EVERYTHING from the past year and a half… It spilled onto the page in a flurry of handwriting, long after the coffee maker sang out to us that it had finished brewing. I didn’t have to force a single word of it. And no one was waiting to correct it. How freeing of a feeling that was.

“I easily have an album’s worth of content here.” I murmured. Josh simply nodded, his eyes on the pages as I flipped through them quickly. “Maybe two albums.”

Chapter Text

Nothing ever truly ends. But one day you wake up and it doesn’t feel like someone’s stabbing your lungs every time you breathe. It’s a slow realization that things don’t hurt as badly as they did before, like you assumed they would forever.

“Gabe, we really appreciate you coming over to cook for us.” Tyler smiled.

“It’s no problem!” Gabe poked his head out from the kitchen. “I love doing it.” He quickly went back to what he was working on. The smell of breakfast had filled the air— scrambled eggs, sausage, and sourdough toast.

“Food is his love language… That’s why I look like this.” Mark grinned, patting his stomach.

“Hey! You’re perfectly fine the way you are.” Gabe retorted.

“I suppose…” Mark shrugged, still smiling.

Naturally, as silence fell over us, my eyes trailed to Tyler. They always do. He smiled at me, taking a deep breath. And I slowly realized something new. His eyes looked bright. His posture was relaxed. His hair indicated he’d already showered while I’d been asleep. And… He’s still smiling, his eyes on me.

“Ty…” I said softly. He nodded, raising an eyebrow. “You look happy.”

“I am happy, Torchy.” He said simply. His smile got wider as my face turned warm upon the name ‘Torchy’. He took a sip of his warm coffee, holding the mug with both hands.

“Hey, Josh?” Mark asked, snapping me out of my trance. I looked over at him.

“Yeah?”

“Are you happy?” He cocked his head slightly.

“Mm.” My eyes trailed around the room again. “Our cozy little studio apartment, my three best friends, good food… good things finally happening to us… I am.”

“And you deserve those good things, Josh.”

“So do you.” I replied, my voice softening.

“Be right back.” He smiled again, standing from the table and joining Gabe in the kitchen. I felt eyes on me and looked back at Tyler.

“You’re finally realizing, huh?” He asked quietly. My eyebrows furrowed. “You’re realizing that things are finally going to be okay? That they already are?” He elaborated. I nodded slowly.

Hearing Tyler of all people say those words seemed to strike a nerve. My eyes filled with tears instantly. His expression softened and he reached out his hand. I took it. He squeezed. I squeezed back. “We made it.” I whispered. He squeezed a little harder, nodding.

“Breakfast is ready, Joshler!” Mark called, snapping us out of a heartfelt moment and into our surreal reality. I wasn’t going to fight that joint-nickname anymore— Tyler found it funny.

“Thanks, Gark…” Tyler grinned, taking a plate from Gabe and passing it to me. Once we were all settled in, I noticed Tyler looked sort of puzzled.

“What’s up, Ty?” Gabe clearly noticed it too.

“It’s just… I realized I don’t know your full names. It doesn’t matter— but I know everyone knows mine, because of the whole Dema thing.”

“Tyler Joseph, the best singer these walls have ever seen…” Mark hyperbolized, pretending to be star-struck.

“Last names have never mattered to us, in camp… I don’t think I know anyone’s either. Uh, but— Dun.” I said softly. Tyler nodded to himself.

“Oh, well, we just recently had a name change, since we’re married now.” Gabe spoke up. Mark raised an eyebrow, as if he was unaware of this.

“Well? What is it?” Tyler asked.

“Gabe Gark and Mar—“ He was laughing before he could finish his joke, a hand outstretched for Tyler to shake as if he was properly introducing himself. I snorted. Gabe Gark and Mark Gark…?

The laughter turned to hunger, which turned to comfortable silence as we ate, then another subject when we were halfway finished with our plates. Tyler never got a proper answer to that question, but he could ask it again at another time. For now… It truly doesn’t matter.

When you arrive in camp, you can change who you are. You gain a new perception because most of the people don’t know you— and even if they do know you, you no longer have to hide your true self. Camp was an opportunity to reinvent someone.

Gabe stopped going by Gabriel, I stopped letting people call me Joshua, and Clancy had the opportunity to live life the way he’d always wanted in terms of expressing himself— no one needed to know he had a previous name to begin with.

My eyes trailed to Tyler once again. I watched as he ate the toast without any sour faces, how he switched between sausage and egg each bite, how the coffee seemed to relax him and not make him jittery like it had been doing to me recently. And then my thoughts began to wander.

The first day he was back at camp, the way he ate so quickly. How he explained to me what he’d been eating the previous four months— wheat bread, oatmeal, and vulture, but only vulture when he was being “really good”.

That first week… That version of Tyler will never fully leave my mind. He was a brand new person before he found himself again. And that new person seemed to believe there was only one constant, only one thing that was fully trustworthy in this new world. And it was me.

“Tyler… again. I’m so glad you’re here with me. I really missed you.”

“Don’t get too sentimental on me now. You know I can’t say it the same way… Yours has history. Mine would feel empty. But I missed… The idea of you. I missed safety. And you’re my safety.”

“I’m your safety…”

“Josh? You’re spacing out over there, buddy. You okay?” Mark rubbed my back.

“Oh. Yeah. I’m okay… Just, uh… Looking back at things a little bit. How much things have changed. You know?” My eyes trailed to Tyler yet again. He squinted at me a little. He reached out his hand again. I glanced at Mark and Gabe.

“Hey, why don’t we…” Mark reached his hand out to grab my left. I took each of their hands in my own, and Gabe completed the circle.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, letting it all wash over me. I heard everyone follow my lead. In… Hold… Out.

This is the current moment, and it’s when I realized that things are truly better. This is why we fought so hard. We made it. We really made it.

When our fingers touch, I feel my way back home.