Chapter Text
The slow and mournful ringing of the church bells, their fading sounds hanging on the high stone arches like a requiem that wouldn't disappear. Students came in rows and rows and filled up the pews, their heads down, their shoulders shaking. Utazumi Sakurako, with her voice full of respect and experience, officiated the funeral. Sakurako, when the time comes, presents herself as the holy nun everyone in the Sisterhood reveres her for.
Still, I did hear the subtle exception in her voice when she mentioned his name.
The break that she pretended was a breath.
The silence, when it came, was so loud that it broke the pause. Those who had been holding back their tears started to cry, and those who were already crying cried even harder. Even the delinquents, Sukebans, and the Helmet Gang - they all came. And they all kept quiet. No one was thinking about causing trouble or rebellion at that time. Nobody was capable of doing that when the coffin was right there in front of them.
I watched from the side, watching people grieving as if a wave of sadness was passing by. My eyes scanned over the people who were mourning but without much emotion.
Sorasaki Hina was like a very rigid statue with her calmness, breaking only in the fists that were tightly grasped white in her lap. I couldn't tell what stage of depression she was in. Her clenched fists tell me she's angry, but her stillness tells me that she has finally faced reality. Acceptance. Perhaps she thought she could have done more on that day... but I'm sure everyone else in this church is thinking the same thing.
You weren't even on the ship, Miss Sorasaki. So don't worry about it.
Hayase Yuuka, whose crying voices pierced through the hymns. Even in a gallery of tears, her voice stood out. As one of the people who first truly befriended him, I'm not surprised to see her like this, even after an entire month. Her ability to be an open-book is unprecedented, but right now... I don't think it's a flaw. Perhaps in this moment, it comes as a comfort to everyone here.
Sunaookami Shiroko, still like a shadow, but the shaking of her ears gave her away. I haven't seen her since. Honestly, I was afraid. I'm not sure if she would take things lying down. We all knew what her counterpart did. It's possible that she's grown to dislike her other self. And it's even more possible, that the other self possesses a self-hatred which surpasses what she felt in the other world. She's not here, and I don't think she would be welcomed here.
Tendou Alice, clutching at her skirt, softly speaking words of comfort to nobody. She wasn't even awake during the whole mission, yet she supposedly blames herself for what happened. Surprisingly, the watchful Big Sister is right next to her, in person. But she only stands still, offering nothing but presence to the android. It's strange... to see someone as robotic as Miss Tsukatsuki Rio look so helplessly human next to someone who isn't a human.
Then, there is me.
I'm not crying.
Perhaps I wasn't close to him. Maybe I didn't care. Perhaps I was just here because everyone else was.
The crowd, then, gradually thinned. A month's worth of build-up, all gone within a few hours. Groups of students left at once, supporting each other as they sank down. They needed a place to grieve and to get used to the harsh truth. Although I could tell this formal funeral wouldn't be enough. The church was empty and the silence almost unbearable.
I chose to linger within these confines.
Feeling heavy with the echo of the bells that haunted the air, I walked down the aisle until my feet stopped at the coffin.
I had already known what I would come to.
Or rather, what was not there.
The empty coffin. No body had ever been there.
The only thing that anyone could hold on to were the memories of him.
As if holding the coffin in place, I looked into the void that was supposed to be him. My reflection, pale and tired, barely noticeable in the lacquered wood, hit me.
Sensei was dead, the Sensei everyone loved.
And I am the one who killed him.