Chapter Text
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“You know, H, you should really put us in charge of the team finances,” Tuffnut declared as the twins came tumbling into the clubhouse. They had gone to the Northern Markets to get food for the chickens… or something along those lines. Nobody really had the energy to ask.
“Yeah,” Ruffnut added, “we have a talent for spotting the businesses that are worth investing in!”
“Tuff, you do realize that our ‘finances’ are just whatever part of each of our allowances we can afford to put in for essentials, right?” Hiccup sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“Yeah, the key word there is essentials,” Astrid smirked. “Which is why you two will never be trusted with the key to the money chest.”
“Oh, and whatever you two decided to spend your money on this time better be good, because I am not lending you any more,” Snotlout grumbled, arms crossed.
“What did you even buy?” Fishlegs asked, raising an eyebrow.
Ruffnut handed everyone a little box each. Inside sat a fruit—round and plump, kind of like peaches. Scratch that— they looked exactly like peaches, only if peaches were painted colors no fruit had any business being.
“Not just any fruit,” Ruffnut said proudly. “These are Chromabites! The best fruits money can buy at the Northern Markets.”
“They look… interesting,” Hiccup muttered, eyeing the neon-red one in his box.
“That’s one way to describe it,” Astrid scoffed as she inspected her deep-blue fruit. “But are we sure these are actually edible?”
“They better be,” Tuff declared. “I spent nearly all our funding on them!”
The gang exchanged glances, then—because curiosity always won out—they each took a bite. The taste was oddly tangy-sweet, somewhere between a lemon and a banana, and after a few moments of tentative chewing, they all shrugged and went about their day.
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A couple of hours later, they reconvened in the clubhouse for their weekly chores meeting. Hiccup was already scratching notes onto parchment when Tuff leaned over the table, grinning like he’d just discovered gold.
“Check it out,” he said, sticking out his tongue. It was a vivid, swampy green.
Snotlout yelped, stumbling back so fast he nearly tripped over his chair. “Great Odin’s ghost! That’s gangrene! You’re dying! We’re all dying! Oh gods, I ate one too- my tongue is gonna rot off!”
“Nope!” Ruffnut stuck out her tongue too—a deep orange, drooping out of her mouth as she tried to speak. “Ith the Chromabithes!”
Her words came out garbled, half-drool, half-showmanship.
“Uh-huh,” Astrid sighed, used to the levels of chaos. “So the fruits are what make you look ridiculous”
One by one, everyone checked: Snotlout’s was yellow-green, Fishlegs had an electric blue, and even Toothless, who had swiped one earlier, had a tongue that looked like an overturned inkpot.
Fishlegs gasped, eyes lighting up. “Huh. It looks like the juice of the fruit had a delayed chemical reaction with our saliva. Each color must have a unique chemical makeup to produce that specific pigment, but the reaction process itself is identical across all the fruits. Fascinating! I wonder if the acidity levels– ”
“Yeah, yeah, we’re all thrilled that our mouths are now your science experiment,” Snotlout interrupted.
Then Ruffnut frowned. “Wait… Hiccup, Astrid. What color are yours?”
Both of them hesitated, glanced at each other, then slowly stuck out their tongues.
A perfect shade of purple.
The table went silent.
“…There was no purple fruit,” Fishlegs said slowly.
“Yeah…” Tuffnut leaned forward, eyes narrowing. “So how come you two…?”
Hiccup sputtered. “What- ? We didn’t- That’s not- !”
Astrid only crossed her arms, expression cool as ever. “Honestly, you guys need new hobbies.”
“New hobbies?” Ruffnut gasped in mock outrage. “When we just uncovered the romance mystery of the season?”
“Romance mystery,” Hiccup muttered, still slightly embarrassed but veiling it with his usual sarcasm. “Right. Because clearly purple tongues are the pinnacle of our relationship.”
Astrid smirked. “Guess it’s official then. Our greatest achievement isn’t ending the war with dragons or saving Berk countless times – it’s this.”
“Purple-tongued soulmates,” Snotlout announced dramatically. “Truly, history will remember you well.”
“Perfect,” Hiccup sighed. “Exactly how I wanted to be remembered.”
Astrid snorted. “Relax. It’s not like anyone’s going to write this down.”
But from the way Tuff was already reaching for a quill, Hiccup knew they were doomed.
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