Work Text:
It was a chilly winter night. Suga was lying in his bed scrolling through his twitter feed, when his phone fell on his face. He let out a stream of questionable curses and removed the phone from his face.
Taehyung, his roommate, began to laugh at his fail and said teasingly: "Did you see a hot person you wanted to kiss?"
"Yes." Suga said and held up his phone for Taehyung to see. On it, you could see a picture of Suga.
"Looking at pictures of you again? Typical." Tae snorted and went back to doing whatever weirdos do in their free time.
Suga just rolled his eyes and went back to scrolling his twitter feed.
Then he saw it.
It was a simple picture, but it affected Suga in many ways. Obviously that was because it was a picture of his secret crush, or actually, the love of his life.
His crush was none other than Kumamon. Ever since he had set eyes on his beautiful black fur and their cheeks in the colour of the blood of their enemies he had fallen for them.
Suga let out a squeal that sounded like it came from a love struck school girl. In the end he was exactly that, even though he was neither attending school, nor a girl.
Tae just stared at Suga weirdly, wondering why do they call him the weird one even though Suga is much more messed up.
V sighed and asked: "What's it this time?"
Suga just stared at Tae and he swears he can see fucking twinkles in Suga’s eyes. Grossed out by the anime-girl looking eyes Tea, whoops, Tae mumbled: "whatever", grabbed his latest edition of the Playboy and went somewhere else.
Suga was happy that his overly dramatic act scared Tae off because as soon as he was gone, Suga opened a window and jumped out. Thankfully his room was on the first floor, so he just landed in the bushes in his most elegant way, so not elegant at all. Yoongi fell out of the bushes, stood up and started to walk.
He had not yet decided where to go, but after seeing a picture of Kumamon he was too restless to just stay in his dorm.
He walked and walked until he ended up at the door of some creepy old house, with dead trees and all. Of course, when you're standing in front of a house straight out of a horror movie there is only one logical thing to do: test if the doorbell works!
Luckily for Suga, the doorbell did work but suddenly the next thing he knew, somebody hit his head with a hammer, at least he thinks it was a hammer. He lost consciousness thinking: "I should get other hobbies other than testing out doorbells."
Suga woke up strapped to a chair and he was missing his shirt. He was in a dark room, which was only lit by a few sunrays that weren't stopped by the thick curtains.
Suga tried to get the restraints off but it seems Suga's luck has ran out, since the restraints only tightened.
When his eyes got used to the darkness he could make out that he was in a sort of living room, which someone with a horrible taste had decorated. He looked around the room but then he noticed somebody was sitting in a corner, staring at him. At first he couldn't tell who it was, but then he recognised that it was Zico.
"Hyung? What are you doing here, actually, where is here?" Suga said, a tint of fear in his voice.
"Oh. I'm doing the same as you. Just chilling." After he had said that, Yoongi noticed that he seemed to be in the same situation as himself. Suga just hummed and looked around once more.
As he was still looking at the weird faces webbed into the carpet a door behind him opened. Suga tried to look around to see who had entered the room but he still couldn't see who it was.
The person walked finally in his view.
Suga was shocked, he couldn't believe his eyes. He was so shocked that he fainted.
The person standing in front of him, well, it wasn’t really a person, it was actually a bear. What he didn't know is, that there was a person inside the bear. Well, inside the bear suit. And that person was Zion.T, who had a slight crush on the rapper.
When Yoongi woke up again, the jellyfish man was still waiting for him in his bear costume.
"Kumamon? Is that really you?" Suga whispered, hope filling the rapper. Zion.T didn't have the heart to tell him the truth so he just stood still. Suga took the silence as the yes.
Zico, who couldn't hide it in his voice that he felt forgotten, suddenly spoke up: "The real Kumamon doesn't have a zip on his back though..”
Suga looked at the bear, betrayal painted on his face.
“HOW COULD YOU!" Suga screamed at the bear. Zion.T felt horrible for betraying Suga, so he left the room to cry.
Suga was furious, Zico was confused, both of them were still tied up. Both of them could hear muffled sobbing through the wall. Suddenly, J-hope appeared from behind one of the thick curtains.
Suga, who was still pissed that he didn’t meet the real Kumamon snapped at him.
"What are you doing here hoe?" Suga said.
"Wow, okay, rude much? I'm here to get you out of course." J-hoe said as he quietly walked towards Suga.
"How did you know where I am?"
"And me" added Zico, who felt forgotten, again.
"Oh, Zion.T kidnaps two people every year. Something about sacrifices for the jellyfish gods?" Hoseok explained as if it was common knowledge.
"Oh, well, that makes sense." Zico said. He had known Zion.T for a while now and wasn't even surprised in the slightest about this.
Suga was just sitting in the chair, mouth wide open because of complete and utter shock. Less because of the whole sacrifice thing, but more because it just dawned on him that he would probably never be able to meet Kumamon.
J-hope took out a kitchen knife from his pocket and started to slice open the restraints that held Suga. After he had freed Suga, he put the kitchen knife back in his pocket, like it was nothing. They had forgotten Zico again.
"Wait, what about me?" Zico quietly yelled but Hoe and Suga just kept walking. Suga and Hoe just walked past the crying jellyfish worshipper and left the house.
Zico was trying to free himself from the restraints but to no avail.
"Buddy, pal, bro, friendo, I know you're sad that Suga doesn't like you or something but help someone out here and don't kill your bro, ok?”
Zion.T looked at Zico, tears still running across his face and he nodded. He went to untie the rapper, but his hands were shaking too much.
"Aww, chill man, don't worry, you will find another crush soon!" Zico said and sent the jellyfish man a blinding smile. Zion was so stunned by the beautiful smile that he forgot to breath for a minute, thankfully he's a singer so his lungs are fuckin strong and he didn't faint.
"Ay yo, man, breath, also, please untie me?" Zico looked at Zion.T with puppy dog eyes. These eyes gave Zion.T the rest and he fell for Zico, hard, just like a bird that suddenly forgot how to fly, only that birds usually don't forget that.
Zion.T's hands weren't shaking anymore so he undone Zico's restraints and while he was at it he also undid his pants.
Zico and Zion.T met eyes and Zion.T started to lean in. Zico had secretly been in love with his friends for years so he didn't know how to react to his feelings suddenly being reciprocated so he went opossum-style. In other words: he pretended to be dead.
Zion.T immediately was in panic, furiously shaking Zico's body back and forth. Zico was prone to sickness, if he got shaken, so he threw up on the jelly man.
Zion.T let go of Zico and just stormed out of the room. He couldn't handle the smell of puke so he immediately went to take a shower, but first he threw away his clothes, he couldn't wear them anymore.
Zico, recovered from the temporary illness, followed the small drops of puke which led him to a bathroom. There he found his secret, or not that secret anymore, crush standing completely naked and ready to take a shower. Zico blushed tomato red and quickly turned around.
"Erm." where the only intelligent thing Zion.T could say in this situation.
"Sorry, sorry, just keep doing what you were doing." Zico said as he slowly started to walk away, but not before sneaking another glance at his naked crush.
"Yeaaahhh..." said Zion.T, still not very intelligent, but since he has the most heavenly voice on earth, even that sounded like something an angel would say to everyone, I mean me, I mean Zico. Zion.T just stood there for like a minute or two, before he shrugged and climbed into his shower.
Zico was now standing in the hallway in his clothes with his own puke on them, wondering how he could make up for what he just did, even though Zion.T was the one who kidnapped him to sacrifice him to questionable gods.
"Lmao, go join him in the shower." somebody said. Zico turned around to see who spoke. It was Kumamon!
"You? But how? Fake? Suit? What??" Zico was very confused.
"I am the fake suit, but the spirit of the real Kumamon possessed me to help you lost souls come together, also he kinda ships you two so yeah." the bear said.
Zico was still very much shocked so Kumamon just shook their head, picked Zico up bridal style and tossed him in the bathroom. Zion.T let out a small scream, as he wasn't expecting people to be thrown inside his bathroom while he was showering. While Zico was still trying to regain his footing, Kumamon closed the door and locked it. (Who installs locks on the other side of the door?)
Zion.T still couldn't handle the puke on Zico's clothes so he told him to either shower or to find a way to break down the door and leave. Zico weighed the pros and cons and decided to join Zion.T in the shower.
While Zi and Zi where showering together they started to make out and y'all nasties can imagine the rest that happened.