Chapter Text
Jungwon sat near the front of the classroom, scribbling nonsense on the front page of his notebook to calm his nerves before the routine first-day introductions. He got to class about 15 minutes early to secure the perfect seat. He drew hearts around the corners of the page. Chemistry 111 he drew in big block letters at the top of the faint blue lines. He had to get his science requirement out of the way at some point, but chemistry just seemed like cruel and unusual punishment. He heard a few more people enter the class, each sitting at their own desk, as he continued to fill in the small boxes on the side of the ruled paper. The page already looked too full for any productive note-taking. He sighed as he began to erase some of his scribbles. His aggressive scrubbing was interrupted by the sound of the chair next to him being pulled out from under the desk. He glanced up to see a boy dropping his remarkably empty backpack down onto the desk.
“This seat taken?” he asked. Jungwon only nodded at first. He glanced around the room. A few tables were still empty.
“No. No, you’re good,” he responded finally. Maybe he could try to start a conversation, make a friend like Sunoo had told him to. The boy smiled as he sat down, immediately looking down to type on his phone. So much for conversation. Jungwon returned to erasing.
As class began, Jungwon paid more attention to the boy next to him than the professor’s introduction slideshow. He wore a navy blue t-shirt that was probably about two sizes too big, hanging low on his arms, which Jungwon could still tell were well-defined and perfectly tanned. His backpack proved to be filled with only two things: a computer and a charger. Jungwon watched as the boy quietly played chess on his computer while still maintaining somewhat convincing eye contact with the board at the front of the room. Yeah, this kid was definitely not a chemistry major.
“So we’ll start right up at the front,” the professor said, “Give us your name, your year, and your major.” Jungwon was rudely pulled away from watching the boy’s long, tan fingers click softly on the keyboard. The first few people introduced themselves, all freshmen chemistry majors, just as Jungwon had expected. The professor pointed at him. He took in a breath. He hated this.
“I’m Jungwon. I’m a sophomore and I’m majoring in studio art.” The professor nodded.
“Studio art, huh? Well, I know who everyone is going to want in their group when we make the molecule models.” Jungwon nodded, offering a smile, although he knew it was just the professor's way of not making him feel completely left out.
“My name’s Jay, and I’m a junior business major.” Jungwon shamelessly turned to watch the boy give his answer. Jay. The name fit him, Jungwon thought. A business major did too. Jungwon could picture him in a nice black suit. And he should probably stop picturing him in a nice black suit.
When the introductions had made it all the way around the room, the professor spoke up again, “Okay, it seems as though some of you know each other already.” He was right. Clearly, some of the students had met at freshman orientation. Jungwon and Jay, being the only two upperclassmen in the room, were the obvious minority. “Which is good because a lot of this content is not going to be self-explanatory, and I would advise getting study groups together or making a group chat or whatever you guys do these days. Or just wing it. Whatever floats your boat.” Jungwon looked at Jay out of the corner of his eye. They were very obviously the two students in most need of help, but was Jungwon brave enough to ask for his number?
He watched as Jay switched tabs on his computer, opening his texts.
You going to chapter tonight?
He typed in response to three unopened tiktoks from someone named Jake.
Yeah, he definitely wasn’t brave enough. Jungwon could only imagine some alpha male frat boy business major’s response to some (obviously gay) art major asking for his number after exchanging a total of five words. Not promising.
Class ended quickly. So quickly that Jungwon wondered how long he’d been staring at Jay’s hands. Was it really the entire 50 minutes? He shoved his notebook and pens into the abyss of his backpack and made his way to the door, noticing briefly that Jay still sat in his chair, eyes fixed on his phone. Jungwon saw the campus shuttle pulling up to the curb outside. He silently thanked the universe for saving him from a twenty-minute walk back to his dorm in the sticky August heat. Standing in the line that had formed in front of the bus door, he pulled his phone out of his back pocket, seeing a text from Sunoo.
sunoo
I think I’ve already found my campus crush for this semesterrrrr
jungwon
ditto
Jungwon slid his phone back into his pocket as he stepped into the bus. Listening to the beeps of the keycards swiping the reader next to the driver, he let out a sharp puff of air. He had absolutely no idea where his keycard was and hadn’t since the end of last semester. He pulled his wallet out of his backpack. He flipped through the cards, anxiety building in his chest. Credit card, ID, debit card, boba punch card. No keycard. Rummaging through the papers at the bottom of his bag, he moved up to the front of the line.
“Sorry,” he muttered to the bus driver. He glanced to his left, seeing the entire bus filled with students. This was worse than having to admit that you’re an art major in a room full of chemistry students. Biting the inside of his cheek, he was ready to admit defeat, just turn around and walk the twenty minutes back to his dorm room.
“I got you,” he heard a voice behind him say. He turned to see Jay climbing onto the step below him, holding his keycard out. This just got a hundred times more embarrassing.
“Oh, you- thank you,” he said, realizing that he was really in no position to turn down the offer. Before he could reach to take the keycard from him, Jay pulled himself into the bus, reaching his arm around Jungwon to scan the card twice.
“No problem,” he murmured only inches away from Jungwon’s ear, his hands brushing Jungwon’s arm as it dropped back to his side. Knowing that his already red face had turned ten shades redder at Jay’s maneuver, Jungwon walked down the aisle of the bus, focusing on his feet. He slid into the only bench with no one else sitting on it. And so followed Jay.
“Can I-”
“Totally,” Jungwon responded quicker than he had meant to. “Thanks again,” he said as Jay sat down next to him, “I have like zero idea where my keycard is.”
“Oh yeah,” Jay smiled as he slid his card into his wallet, “I bought this one yesterday at admissions. I’ve just accepted that I’m going to have to pay the $20 at the beginning of each year because there’s no way I’m keeping up with this thing over the summer.”
“Exactly, it's just so inconvenient, how am I supposed to keep track of a tiny piece of plastic while moving in and out of a dorm room?” Jay smiled, nodding. A beat of silence.
“Jungwon, right?” Jay asked.
“Yeah, yeah. And you’re Jay?” He acted like he hadn’t already committed the name to memory.
“Yeah. Look at us,” he said, pointing to his temple, “Steel traps. Hopefully that’s a good omen for how this chem class is going to go this semester.” Jungwon took in a deep breath, nodding.
“Yeah, we’ll see about that,” he laughed.
“Are we really the only two non chem majors in the whole class?”
“Yeah. It seems like it.” Jungwon responded.
“I guess I didn’t realize how intense that class would be. Maybe I should’ve stuck to 101 instead.”
“Yeah, I just assumed that since I took AP in high school, I’d be fine. But maybe not,” he shrugged.
“Same. I took AP chem, but I realized over the summer that that was literally four whole years ago, so.”
“Meanwhile, these freshmen,” Jungwon shook his head, looking down at his hands to avoid Jay’s unwavering eye contact.
“Yeah, I’m sure they all went to fancy tech high schools and they’re just taking the class as an easy start to college,” Jay huffed, “Might have to be the end of college for me.”
“Yeah,” Jungwon laughed, looking back up at him now, “It’s going to be rough.”
“Meh, it’s okay. I think we’ll do well.” Jay held his chin high. Jungwon stared blatantly at his angled jaw. “Well, now onto managerial accounting class for me.”
“Ew,” Jungwon said almost involuntarily, “I mean-”
“No, you’re right,” Jay nodded, smiling, “Ew.” He stepped into the aisle as the bus pulled up against the sidewalk of the business building.
“Well, thanks for the bus ride,” Jungwon said again before Jay could leave, “I’ll pay you back next time.”
“Okay,” Jay smiled, “I’ll take you up on that.”
“Okay,” Jungwon nodded as Jay made his way to the front of the bus. He pulled his phone from his pocket, feeling his ears, which he was almost certain were red. He opened a photo from Sunoo, which was clearly meant to be sent with the message from earlier referencing his campus crush. It showed Niki on the front steps of the library, flipping off the camera as Sunoo attempted to take a stealthy photo from his seat on the quad.
Okay I was joking but YOU have some explaining to dooooo
~ ~ ~
“Oh my god, Jungwon, are you so excited to see the love of your life tomorrow?” Sunoo chirped from his bed across the room.
“He’s not the love of my life,” Jungwon responded, biting back a smile as he typed the last of his homework. “He’s just some guy.”
“Some guy? Some guy who was totally hitting on you.”
“He was not. He’s just some overly polite frat boy who’s probably a douche and probably uninterested and probably definitely not gay.”
“What do you mean? Just because he wasn’t wearing a pride flag pin and jorts he isn’t gay? Anyone can be gay these days, Jungwon. Free your mind.” Jungwon rolled his eyes in response. “And oh my god, you guys haven’t seen each other in like four-five whole days. The reunion is going to be so good.”
“It’s not a reunion, I’ve literally only seen him once. He probably doesn’t even remember my name.”
“You might be surprised,” Sunoo hummed as he scrolled through his phone. The door into the hallway swung open, making Jungwon jump in his desk chair.
“Guys, holy shit,” Niki said, immediately rummaging through his closet.
“Holy shit?” Jungwon asked.
“Holy shit, I almost forgot that the activities fair is tonight. I had to book it over here from across campus,” Niki said, fixing his hair after hastily putting on a new shirt.
“And who are we trying to impress at the activities fair?” Sunoo asked.
“First impressions are like everything for rushing a frat,” Niki responded as if it were obvious.
“Oh, you’re still doing that?” Jungwon asked.
“Of course I am,” he said, posing in front of the full-length mirror in his new baseball jersey he’d gotten over the summer. “But don’t worry, I’m not planning on moving into the frat house, so you won’t have to lose your favorite roommate.”
“Yeah, you’re right. Sunoo is staying right here,” Jungwon said, smiling. Niki threw his dirty shirt at Jungwon’s face, retreating back to his closet. “I’m kidding,” Jungwon called after him, “I’m glad you’re staying.”
“You better be,” he responded, sitting at the foot of Sunoo’s bed to tie his shoes. “So are you two coming with me?”
“To join a frat?” Sunoo asked.
“No. To the activities fair. I can’t show up alone, I’ll look so uncool. I need my entourage.” He stood up, inspecting his outfit one last time. “Please,” he added.
“Sure,” Sunoo responded. That’s really all it took for him.
“I don’t know-” Jungwon was cut off almost immediately.
“Jungwon,” Sunoo whined, drawing out the last syllable, “Niki needs his entourage. How else are we getting into all the frat parties this year?” Jungwon sighed, closing his computer as he stood up from his chair.
“It’ll be fun,” Niki said. Jungwon doubted it.
~ ~ ~
“So which tent are we looking for?” Sunoo asked, brushing his blush pink hair from his eyes to get a better look.
“Sigma chi,” Niki said, scanning the array of booths spread throughout the quad.
“What do those letters look like?”
“Honestly,” Niki paused like he was thinking, “I have no idea.”
“Niki, you’re totally not getting in if you don’t even know what the letters are-”
“Right there,” Jungwon interrupted. He pointed at a bright red tent on the opposite side of the quad.
“How do you know what sigma and chi look like?” Sunoo asked, almost sounding upset that he didn’t find it first.
“Because it says the words sigma and chi at the bottom,” Jungwon shrugged, sipping the bright blue slushie that he’d gotten at the fair’s entrance - a consolation prize for being in Niki’s entourage for the night.
“Oh,” Sunoo nodded as they began walking in that direction, “So what kind of frat is this like what’s the vibe?”
“I mean, it’s not the frattiest frat but-” Niki’s sentence trailed off.
“But?” Sunoo pushed him to elaborate.
“But I mean, it’s still a frat. Like these guys definitely know how to play ultimate frisbee and do a keg stand, but they’re not like homophobic.” Jungwon couldn’t help but laugh.
“Well, I’d hope not. Just considering that you brought me and Jungwon as your cool-enhancing entourage tonight,” Sunoo responded.
“But no really these guys are super cool, I met a few of them already, and you’ll definitely get along with them.” Sunoo hummed suspiciously. Jungwon sipped his slushie, content in just listening to the two of them bicker. As they approached the tent, Jungwon saw the mass of boys that stood behind the table, lined with free pens, foam footballs, and cups. Most of them looked nice, Jungwon did admit to himself. The one who stood in front wore a polo shirt with the Greek letters sigma chi printed on the right side. He looked official, like the president, maybe. Jungwon watched as two other boys wearing polo shirts emerged from the small crowd with an old white cooler, throwing it onto the table and opening it to reveal what was surprisingly not alcohol. One of the boys turned to face the sidewalk, brushing his black hair out of his face with both hands.
“Sunoo,” Jungwon whispered aggressively as he grabbed a hold of his arm, “Sunoo, holy shit.”
“Holy shit what?” Sunoo asked, removing Jungwon’s hand from his forearm.
“That guy. The guy next to the cooler with the black hair. That’s him. That’s Jay from chem, from the bus.” Sunoo gasped loudly, clapping his hand over his mouth as he spun around to look. “Don't,” Jungwon tugged his arm again, “Don’t make it obvious, just act normal, okay.” Sunoo nodded, his mouth still a bit open. Niki stood a few yards ahead of them, lifting his shoulders in confusion. Sunoo caught up with him quickly, whispering something into his ear before turning back to look at Jungwon. Niki’s mouth stayed open along with Sunoo’s. He pointed at Jay, mouthing something that Jungwon didn’t care to make out. Jungwon immediately turned around, mortified by the idea of Jay seeing his friends so obviously pointing in his direction.
“Jungwon,” Niki said, waving him back in their direction, giving him a nod as if to promise that they wouldn’t embarrass him. Jungwon didn’t believe him but proceeded anyway. He was careful to stay behind Niki and Sunoo, out of Jay’s line of sight. He sipped his slushie nervously, realizing now that it probably made him look like a toddler at an amusement park. He huffed, looking around for a trash can as Niki approached the booth. He and Sunoo kept their distance, not wanting to be mistaken for potential frat boys.
“What are you looking for?” Sunoo asked him, “Your man’s right over there.” He pointed in Jay’s direction, moving back for Jungwon to see him. He immediately took a step back along with him, hiding behind Sunoo’s puffy head of hair.
“A trash can,” Jungwon explained before Sunoo could embarrass him further, “Is what I’m looking for. A trash can.” Sunoo scanned the quad, a smile spreading across his face as his eyes focused on the booth in front of them.
“Well look at that,” he said, pointing again in Jay’s direction, “He’s leading you right to it.” Sure enough, at the end of the fold-out table sat a small, gray trash can, directly next to Jay’s feet.
“No,” Jungwon pleaded.
“Come on, Jungwon, I’ll go with you,” Sunoo said, smiling just as big as he pulled Jungwon by the wrist.
“No,” he repeated.
“Jungwon,” Sunoo whined, tugging him in the direction of the tent.
“Fine,” Jungwon said, admitting defeat as he freed his hand from Sunoo’s, “I’ll go but you stay here and don’t be weird.” Jungwon sighed as he headed straight for the tent, watching as Jay disappeared back into the mass of frat boys behind the table. He whispered a thank you to the universe before sipping the last of his raspberry slushie. Tossing the empty cup into the trash can, he was careful not to make eye contact with any of the boys at risk of being recruited. Just as he spun back around to return to his hiding place behind Sunoo, he heard a voice from the crowd,
“Oh hey,” Jay said, the sound immediately making Jungwon’s stomach drop. He quickly turned back around.
“Hey,” he replied simply.
“How are you? Ready for chem tomorrow?” he asked, leaning on the fold-out table, pieces of his black hair falling into his face.
“Totally, yeah.”
“Have you finished the homework yet, or are you using the activities fair to procrastinate like I am?”
“Oh yeah, I finished it already, I’m just here because my roommates forced me out of the dorm,” Jungwon responded, gesturing towards Niki, who stood at the other end of the table, talking to the boy who had helped Jay carry the cooler a few minutes earlier.
“Oh, I see. So you’re not the one who’s looking to join sig chi, I guess?” he smiled. Jungwon couldn’t help but laugh.
“No, definitely not my scene.” He realized how condescending it may have sounded.
“I get that,” Jay said before Jungwon could correct himself, “Although I don’t think we have any art majors. You could be the first.” He smiled, flipping through the stack of pamphlets absent-mindedly as he spoke.
“Tempting.” Jungwon hadn’t even expected Jay to remember his name, let alone his major.
“Right?” Jay responded. He turned to look around at the other boys behind the table like he was trying to remember something. “You know I meant to ask you the other day. Since I like have no fucking clue what’s going on in this chem class, would you mind if we like exchange numbers just so we can like ask each other questions and like maybe study together sometime or something.” He shifted between his feet as he spoke, leaning back from where his hands had been propped on the table.
“Yeah, totally,” Jungwon said. He could feel his ears turn pink as he tried to hide his smile.
“Here,” Jay said, moving out from behind the table, just outside the tent. He waved Jungwon over, pulling his phone from his back pocket. Jungwon followed, looking behind him briefly to see the huddle of interested future frat boys who had gathered behind him as he and Jay had held up the line. “There you go,” Jay said as he handed his phone over to Jungwon, a new contact ready to be created. Jungwon quickly did the same, typing his number into Jay’s phone.
“There you go,” he said, handing Jay’s phone back to him, “I like the shirt,” he continued with a surprising surge in confidence, eyeing Jay’s crimson polo shirt with the fraternity logo printed on the front. Jay smiled, looking back down at his phone as he brushed the hair out of his face.
“Yeah, it’s a perk of the job. Treasurer duties, you know?”
“Ah, treasurer? Make sense for a business major, I guess,” he responded, subtly flaunting the fact that he had remembered Jay’s major too.
“Yeah, although I’m not that good at either.”
“I doubt that. I bet I’ll be the one asking you for help in chem more than the other way around.”
“Oh, definitely not. I bet I’ll have a question for you before tomorrow morning.”
“How? Our homework is supposed to just be a progress check to see how much chemistry we already know. It's ungraded.”
“Well, I don’t want the professor to think I’m a dumbass within the first week of class though.”
“Oh my god,” Jungwon laughed, “He’s so not going to think that.” Before Jay could respond, Jungwon felt a tap on his shoulder.
“Hey, sorry,” Niki said, nodding in Jay’s direction, “Me and Sunoo are going to go get some kettle corn, and I was going to see if you wanted to come with, but I don’t know, you seem kind of busy?” Niki finished with a wiggle of his eyebrows. Jungwon felt his ears burn bright red.
“Uh,” he began to mumble his response.
“Oh no, it’s totally fine. Sorry, I kept you. I should probably get back to work anyway,” Jay graciously interrupted.
“Sorry,” Jungwon said reflexively, not really knowing what he was sorry for.
“No, you’re good. Enjoy your kettle corn, and I’ll text you sometime. Tonight.”
“Okay, yeah,” Jungwon couldn’t contain his smile as he began to follow Niki back into the crowd of students, “Bye.” Jay waved before ducking back into the tent.
“Wow,” Niki said quietly, his face completely devoid of expression, “I can’t believe you two are totally going to do it.” He broke out into a fit of laughter, doubling over as he walked. Jungwon groaned, slapping him on the back a few times before returning to his hiding place behind Sunoo, hoping that he would have a less embarrassing response to witnessing the interaction.
“Did he give you his number?” Sunoo asked, mouth agape as if he was scandalized by the entire encounter. Jungwon closed his eyes, scared to respond at all.
“Yes,” Niki responded through his giggles.
“Oh my god,” Sunoo said, grabbing Jungwon’s hands from where they were clasped tightly at his sides, “You totally picked the best campus crush.”
~ ~ ~
“So then after you rush, what’s next?” Sunoo asked, lying flat on his bed so he could stare at Niki who sat on the bunk above him.
“You get a bid,” he responded simply.
“What’s that?”
“Like the frat that wants you will tell you that you got picked.”
“So what if you get a frat you don’t like?”
“Then you either join that frat or wait until next year and rush again. But no one wants to do that.”
“Why not?”
“Because you look like a total loser.”
“You say that until you don’t get into sig whatever, then you-”
Jungwon watched as a notification flashed at the top of his phone, interrupting his mindless scrolling through TikTok that he was using to distract himself from Sunoo and Niki’s conversation.
jay
What did you put for number 5?
Bc okay I’m familiar w balancing chemical equations but should I put confident or very confident?
Or average?
Jungwon stared at the messages for a bit. They were normal. They were purely about class and nothing else. But for some reason, he still felt a swooping in his stomach as he read them.
jay
Oh shit sry for texting so late I didn’t realize it was already midnight
Jungwon was quick to reassure him.
jungwon
no youre fine
idk what i put honestly i think youd be good just putting confident
Jungwon tapped his fingers on his desk as he awaited Jay’s response.
jay
Okay cool
See I told you I’d already have questions
This class is seriously going to kick my ass
And tmr the actual work is going to start
jungwon
yeah im not looking forward to it at all
but we can help each other with it
Too forward? he thought to himself.
jay
If we have homework tmr we can meet in the library or something and work on it there
Just if you want
Now that was forward.
jungwon
yeah sure :)
“Jungwon,” Sunoo practically yelled from across the room. He had clearly said it a few times before Jungwon actually started listening.
“Yeah?”
“What has you so focused?”
“He’s probably texting his boyfriend,” Niki said, wiggling his eyebrows. Jungwon turned back around in his chair, his cheeks turning pink.
“Oh my god, you were totally texting your boyfriend,” Sunoo said, standing up from his bed now.
“He’s not my boyfriend.”
~ ~ ~
And so they met in the library the following night. And the night after that. And the night after that. By the time the third week of classes rolled around, it had become their routine, that and riding the bus together after class every day. This was good, Jungwon thought, not because it might help him win Jay over, but because he saw it as an opportunity to get rid of his crush altogether. If Jungwon had learned anything from being away at college, it was that spending that much time with someone was the perfect way to learn everything you don’t like about them. He’d been friends with Niki for four years, but it took living with him to realize how annoying his habit of slapping doorframes really was.
“That’s the actual dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” Sunoo said through a mouthful of the dining hall Lucky Charms, “This is the first guy you’ve had like a real crush on since high school, and he clearly likes you too, at least as a friend. Why would you want to ruin that?”
“Because,” Jungwon huffed, blowing his bangs out of his eyes, “I don’t know. Yeah, he’s hot and nice, but he’s just some frat boy that’ll drop me the second I get too gay for him. I just don’t want to set myself up for that.”
“You know, one day I’ll be a frat boy too. Not all frat boys are bad. Some of them are perfect angels,” Niki remarked, smiling at the compliment he’d given himself. Sunoo slapped his shoulder, rolling his eyes.
“Really though, you should at least give him a chance. Give your love life a chance, Jesus. I mean, when was the last time you even kissed someone?” Sunoo awaited Jungwon’s response.
“I’ve kissed someone.”
“Yeah, once. And in high school so it basically doesn’t even count.”
“Okay, but imagine I do give him a chance, and I actually become friends with him and tell him how I feel. Then I will have been rejected by the only guy I’ve ever actually pursued, and that’s just pathetic.”
“But wouldn’t it be worse if you found out that he liked you back, but you never did anything about it?” Niki asked. Sunoo nodded in approval.
“Yes, exactly. Thank you, Niki.”
“Plus, I hear that he’s like the nicest guy in sig chi, so I doubt you’ll find that much to hate about him.”
“Well, nobody’s perfect.”
He was wrong. Because if spending the better part of three weeks with Jay had shown Jungwon anything it was that he was literally perfect. When they arrived at the doors of the library on the first day, Jay opened the door, holding it open for Jungwon to walk into the cool lobby first. It was a simple gesture, dumb for Jungwon to even notice it, but it still made him blush. It really was too easy. On top of that, he also never let Jungwon pay him back for the bus ride like he’d promised.
“But you said you’d take me up on it,” Jungwon whined as they took their seats towards to front of the bus.
“I will, I promise. How about this, on the last day of class, you pay for my bus ride. Since I paid for yours on the first day. Does that make it even?”
“I guess. But by that time, what if I forget about it? What if you don’t ride the bus that day?”
“Well, I guess we’ll just have to ride the bus together every day until then.”
Besides the fact that he was the literal sweetest, Jungwon also learned from Niki's sluthing that Jay plays the guitar. Usually, it might be a bit of a red flag for a guy to play the guitar, but the idea of Jay’s fingers splayed across the strings was enough to redeem the idea for Jungwon. He also learned that Jay was an only child, which made sense. Niki had once told him about some TikTok claiming that the fewer siblings you have, the more stressed you are. He didn’t know how much he believed that, but Jay seemed to be proving the theory. Jungwon noticed how he’d chew his nails as they worked on their chemistry problem sheets, sometimes switching to biting the end of a pen, which Jungwon found horribly distracting. Maybe his anxiety could be attributed to the amount of coffee he went through every day. On the first day that they had studied together, Jay asked Jungwon to accompany him to the campus Starbucks. And even though Jungwon hated even the sweetest of coffees, he agreed.
“I don’t know what to get,” Jungwon said quietly as they stood in line.
“I usually get the cold brew,” Jay offered.
“Yeah, I just don’t really like coffee that much.”
“You could get a refresher. Or tea. Or you’d probably like the frappuccinos, they’re basically just milkshakes.”
“Okay. I like a milkshake,” Jungwon said, punctuated with a smile. He had noticed that day that every time he talked to Jay, his cheeks would feel sore at the end of their conversation from smiling too much. He never noticed it when he was actually with Jay, only after the fact.
He tried the caramel frappuccino. He didn’t like it very much, but that didn’t stop him from accompanying Jay to Starbucks every Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday afternoon. However, after a while, he ran out of frappuccinos to try. Jay stopped recommending coffee after that, saying that he didn’t want to go if it meant he had to leave Jungwon behind at the library. Jungwon tried not to think about that too much. That is, until one day, Jay showed up at the library with two drinks in hand.
“It’s java chip. I think you’ll like it,” he said as he set the cold drink down in front of Jungwon.
“You didn’t have to get me anything. Here, let me pay you back,” Jungwon reached for his phone from the center of the table. Jay trapped Jungwon’s hand under his own.
“No, you don’t need to.” He slowly pulled his hand away. Jungwon wished he hadn’t. “Just try it.” And so Jungwon did, and of course, as he always was, Jay was right.
~ ~ ~
jay
Library is way too crowded
Not a single table open
Wanna study somewhere else tonight?
Jungwon sat in his bed, staring down at the message.
jungwon
sure
where were you thinking ??
jay
If you’re not too grossed out by the frat boys we could always study at my place
??
Jungwon felt his stomach flip. Even though he considered Jay somewhat of a friend by this point, seeing the inside of each other’s rooms. Hanging out in each other’s rooms. Likely alone. In a frat house. It all felt very – for lack of a better term – gay.
jungwon
works for me
jay
Sweet
Just got back so whenever you want you can come over
The frat houses were on the opposite side of campus from Jungwon’s dorm, which meant he had plenty of time to overthink. He fixed his hair as we walked through campus, making sure it wasn’t sticking out at any weird angles. In Jungwon’s mind, if Jay were gay and, even more unbelievably, liked him, then he would’ve said something on the bus that first day, or when they met at the activities fair, or any of the other dozens of times they had seen each other since. But there was still a nagging voice in the back of his head – one that sounded suspiciously like Sunoo – telling him that Jay was just so sweet to him, always holding doors, talking extra soft, not backing away when Jungwon got too touchy. But then again, Jay was just a nice guy. A nice frat guy. Jesus, what had he gotten himself into?
Before Jungwon could turn the argument over in his head for the tenth time, he had arrived at the sig chi house, stamped with huge Greek letters hanging over the porch. Remnants of their last party littered the yard: old beer cans, a deflated beach ball, a crooked fold-out table full of beige rings from red solo cups. He rang the doorbell and shifted between his two feet as he awaited an answer. The door swung open to reveal a tall, slender, especially pale boy. Jungwon thought that he might have seen him around campus before.
“Sup,” the boy said, nodding slightly.
“Hey,” Jungwon said, tugging awkwardly at the straps of his backpack, “I’m here to see Jay.” As if on queue, he heard footsteps patter down the staircase behind the boy. Jay emerged from behind the bannister, wearing black basketball shorts and an almost see-through white tank top. His hair was damp as he still patted it dry with a hand towel. God, he was hot.
“Sunghoon,” Jay called from behind the boy, who turned around in response to what Jungwon assumed was his name, “Thanks, man. I got it.” Jay patted him on the shoulder, pushing him back into the common area to their left, from which faint sounds of video game gunshots and clicking controllers echoed.
“Hey,” Jay beamed at Jungwon, “Come in, come in.” Jungwon followed him into the large foyer, quickly eyeing the room full of boys balancing on bean bags and the arms of couches, all pointing and yelling at the television periodically. They continued up the stairs, down a long hall that had two rooms conjoined by a bathroom at the very end. The room to the left was larger, with LED lights illuminating the doorframe. The sign hung hastily on the door’s center read El Jeffe in hand-drawn block letters. Jay entered the room on the right with nothing but two paper stars taped to the door that read Jay and Jake. Jay motioned for Jungwon to come in, closing the door behind them. The click of the doorknob gave Jungwon goosebumps. He stood awkwardly in the center of the room.
“Here you can just,” Jay pulled the chair out from under the desk that sat against his bed, “Sit here.” Jungwon sat as he took in the ambiance of the room. It was pleasant, no overhead light, just a few lamps and orange LED lights that lined the floorboards. It was clean and sparsely decorated, with just a few posters of soccer clubs and F1 racers covering Jay’s half of the room, along with a banner that read sigma chi draped above the two desks. Jay sat on his bed, facing Jungwon. His legs dangled off the sides, his ankle nudging Jungwon’s knee. He jerked away out of instinct, immediately regretting it.
“So, have you started studying at all yet?” Jay asked him, pulling his laptop into his lap.
“Of course not,” he replied, “Have you?” Jay gave him an incredulous look. “Sorry, dumb question.”
“I figured I’d wait for you,” Jay said, simply, “I study better with you here anyway.”
“How can that be true? All we do is talk the whole time.”
“Okay, maybe I just like studying better with you.” Jungwon rolled his eyes, turning to face his computer and hoping that his bangs covered the flush that spread across his face.
“I figured I could make the quizlet for the first unit, and you could make one for the second. Make it easier for both of us,” Jungwon said, breaking the tension, “Or just, whichever you want.”
“Yeah, unit two is fine with me.” He was so agreeable. It almost made Jungwon mad. They sat like that for a while, both working on their own study sets. Jay occasionally asked questions about the content for Jungwon to clarify, which he gladly did. Jungwon occasionally asked questions about Jay’s room, asking who was on the posters and where he had gotten the trinkets that lined his windowsill.
“Do you play?” Jungwon asked at one point, gesturing to the guitar that sat in the corner of the room.
“Yeah.”
“Wow,” Jungwon had trouble hiding how attractive that was to him. He bit his cheek to stop his smile. “You should play for me.” He cringed at himself. Way too forward. “Sometime. Whenever.” He was only making it worse now.
“I was planning on it,” Jay responded. Jungwon gulped at the response. Anytime Jungwon felt too pushy, Jay would double down. It made him feel comfortable. And a little light-headed. “But we should at least finish these quizlets first.” He smiled. Jungwon nodded.
“I just don’t understand this stoichiometry stuff, like I have never been more lost,” Jungwon said.
“Oh, yeah, totally,” Jay said, “Although, you know, I did actually email the professor about that.”
“Really?” As confused and underprepared as Jay always seemed to be, Jungwon had never pegged him as the type of guy who would randomly email professors questions about the material.
“Yeah, he sent me some link to a like ten-minute-long video, but it did actually help.” Jay said, “If you want to…” He turned to show his laptop screen to Jungwon, pulling up his email and clicking through to the video.
“Yeah, perfect.” Jungwon turned in his seat. Although they were close, it was still an odd angle; the bed was too high and he had to twist uncomfortably in the chair to see any part of the video at all. Jay had clearly taken notice.
“Here,” he said, repositioning himself on the bed so that he sat longways on it, leaving room for Jungwon to sit next to him. He patted the comforter. Okay, now this was undeniably gay. Jungwon wondered if Jay knew what he was doing, if he knew that Jungwon was gay at all. He had always assumed that he knew, though he didn’t know how he would, not for sure at least. But no frat boy would voluntarily cozy up in bed with some guy he knew for a fact was gay. That is, unless–
He stopped thinking, sliding onto the blanket beside Jay. He clicked play on the video again, seemingly not noticing Jungwon’s internal crisis as he sat comfortably next to Jungwon’s stiff frame. In one subtle and mindless move, Jay placed a hand on the bed directly behind Jungwon’s back, leaning into him as he readjusted the computer. They still didn’t touch, but Jungwon could feel the warmth of Jay’s arm across his shoulder and back, as if only a centimeter of air separated them. Jungwon has to force himself to breathe, resigning himself to the fact that he was getting absolutely nothing out of this video. He couldn’t bring himself to focus. In a futile attempt to understand, he asked, “Can you rewind it just a bit? I’m getting lost already.” Jay let out a breathy laugh, leaning forward to click the back arrow a few times. When he did, his arm finally, gloriously touched Jungwon’s back. To Jungwon’s delight, the pressure stayed even after Jay leaned away from the computer. He watched Jay’s fingers drum on his thigh, somewhat exposed by his basketball shorts. Jungwon took in a shaky breath. Focus on the damn video. Are you thirteen years old? Out of breath because some boy is touching your back.
The door to Jay’s room swung open, revealing what Jungwon assumed was yet another frat boy. Jay flinched at the intrusion, leaning forward to pause the video, taking his arm with him, his hands now sat firmly in his lap.
“Oh,” the boy said, not moving, “Sorry to bother you guys.” His face broke into a smile as he looked around the room aimlessly. “Was just looking for Heeseung.”
“And why the fuck would he be in here?” Jay asked, sounding more aggressive than Jungwon thought possible from him.
“Well, he wasn’t in his room,” the boy shrugged, still smiling, obviously unbothered by Jay’s biting comment.
“And this was your next best guess?”
“Yeah, it was actually,” the boy continued, “I’m Jake by the way.” He looked at Jungwon.
“Oh. Jungwon.”
“Ah. Okay, Jungwon,” the boy, Jake smiled again. He ran a hand over his face. “Well, if you two will excuse me, I’m going to go. Look for Heeseung. Okay.” He clapped, spinning around to walk back down the hallway, letting out a small oop as he turned around to close the door.
“Sorry,” Jay said, staring at his hands in his lap. “My roommate, Jake. He’s, like,” he paused, looking up at Jungwon, “A total dumbass.” If Jungwon didn’t know any better, he’d think that Jay’s cheeks were pink. It was the LEDs, Jungwon decided.
“He seemed nice,” he shrugged, offering a smile. Jay nodded, running a hand through his hair as he unpaused the video. They sat like that for the remainder of the video. Jay no longer touching him. Jungwon too preoccupied to pay any attention.
“Well, I’m glad this test isn’t for another three days,” Jungwon remarked as he slid off the bed and back into the chair after the video ended.
“Yeah,” Jay said, offering a breathy laugh, “I can do the stoichiometry parts of the quizlet for you.” He paused. “If you want.”
“No, no. It’s fine. I can figure it out by Tuesday.” Jungwon clicked his computer back to life. In the lower corner, a notification popped up. Tomorrow: ART 212 project due. “Shit,” he said, “Shit, shit, shit.”
“What?” Jay asked, leaning over the side of his bed in concern.
“Nothing, just– I have a project due tomorrow that I have to like print out and construct and everything, and I just totally forgot about it.” He closed his laptop, sucking in a sharp breath as he closed his eyes. “I should probably go get started on that. I’m sorry, I know we said we’d study more, but–”
“No, totally, I get it. We still have a few more days anyway. No stress.” Jay was always so sweet. And now Jungwon was in his room, alone, and cutting the study session short. If it weren’t his major, he would be considering dropping the class. “Do you,” Jay started again, hesitating, “Could I help, I mean, if you’re going to the art building, at least let me walk you there. It’s pretty far.” Jungwon felt his heart flip in his chest.
“Um, I wouldn’t want to bother you with all that,” Jungwon responded.
“It’s really no problem.” Jay was already standing up, pulling a hoodie out of his closet and – to Jungwon’s dismay – pulling it on over his tank top.
“Then, sure. Yeah. I’d like that.”
The walk to the art building went by quickly with Jay. It was late enough that the campus was relatively empty, and Jungwon could hear their conversation echo off the buildings around them. It felt like they were in their own secluded world. Once they reached the art building, Jungwon led them to the far back room, reserved for the graphic design studio. To his relief, no one else was there.
This late at night, this was Jungwon’s favorite place on campus. Silent, save for the whirring of the industrial printers and rows of computers that sat on the far left side of the classroom. It was lit only by the lamps that sat in the center of each workstation and the screens of the monitors. Jay stood close behind him as he pulled up his project on one of the computers.
“This is nice,” Jay said, looking around the room idly.
“Yeah,” Jungwon agreed.
“The business building is usually just full of depressed frat boys cramming for exams and looking at spreadsheets. But this feels more– cool? I guess.” Jungwon giggled at the observation. He felt cool doing his art projects late at night. He was glad Jay agreed with the sentiment.
“Business can be cool.”
“Nah,” Jay shook his head, taking a seat next to Jungwon, “Not like this.” Jungwon didn’t protest. Instead, he walked over to the printers, retrieving his work. The project lay flat across three sheets of thick paper, with lines as guides to be cut around. It was meant to be folded into a functional packaging for teabags. Jungwon prayed that he had done the math correctly for each piece; otherwise, this could turn into an all-night ordeal.
“What do you need me to do?” Jay asked, leaning forward in his chair. Always so eager to please.
“You don’t have to.”
“I want to,” Jay smiled, “If I can?” Jungwon laid the three papers in front of them, giving one to Jay.
“Just cut along these black lines.” He fished two exacto knives out of the jar that sat under the lamp. “Here.” He handed it to Jay, who eagerly went to grab it. Jungwon pulled back slightly, allowing Jay to lean in even closer to him. Had these chairs always been this close? “It’s really sharp.”
“I can handle myself,” Jay said, giving a smug smile in response. Jungwon rolled his eyes, handing the knife over to him. They cut out the pieces in silence, Jungwon completely focused on cutting perfectly along the edges, lest he have to print out a new copy. He occasionally glanced in Jay’s direction, watching him cut slowly and much too close to his free hand. He didn’t want to warn Jay again, become too overbearing, so he kept his opinions to himself.
“Shit,” Jay yelped as Jungwon heard the paper skid out from under his hands. He dropped the knife, clutching his left hand against his chest. “Fuck.” Jungwon could already see a trail of tiny droplets of blood forming on the tabletop.
“Jesus, are you okay?”
“No, it’s fine. It’s just a knick, really. Sorry.” Jungwon watched as another drop of blood hit the table.
“Don’t be sorry. Let me see,” Jungwon said, extending his hand. Carefully, Jay held his hand towards him. There was a deep cut between his thumb and pointer finger, right where he had been pinning the paper down to cut it. “Here.” Jungwon got up to retrieve the first aid kit from where it was underneath the professor’s desk. Sitting back down, he pulled out a box of bandaids and a tube of neosporin. He gestured for Jay to show him his hand again. Jay easily obliged. Jungwon held it, trying not to think of the intimate implications that raced through his mind. His thumb pressed into Jay’s palm as he inspected the wound.
“These knives are gross. We’ll need to disinfect it,” Jungwon told him. Jay nodded.
“Sorry,” he repeated, staring down at his hand, avoiding eye contact with Jungwon.
“Stop saying sorry,” Jungwon said, giggling at his compulsive politeness. Jay nodded again, his eyes meeting Jungwon’s for only a second. He pulled a small bottle of rubbing alcohol out of the box, carefully holding it above the wound, glancing at Jay before letting it spill over his hand. Jay winced, his entire body lurching forward. His free hand landed on Jungwon’s knee to steady himself. Jungwon felt all the air leave his lungs. Don’t make this sexual. He’s injured, Jesus. But the way Jay’s fingers dug into the soft material of his sweatpants was hard to ignore.
“Sorry,” Jay said, retracting his hand, face red, “Am I just a total wuss?” He laughed.
“No,” Jungwon shook his head, smiling, “Getting your first art-related injury is a sign that you’re a real man.” They both giggled softly as Jungwon dabbed a cotton ball on the cut, cleaning it before placing the bandage onto it. “Even if you are a wuss about it.” Jay smiled at him.
“Guess I really can’t handle myself.”
“If only someone had warned you,” Jungwon giggled at his own joke. And there it was again: Jay’s hand on his knee, this time giving it a small shove in retaliation. Finally sticking the bandage on Jay’s hand, Jungwon allowed himself to enjoy in the sweetness of the moment. It was dim, quiet, peaceful. He held Jay’s hand in his, pretending to inspect his work, as if a tiny bandage needed a full once-over. But Jay didn’t object. He basked in the luxury of being this close to him, letting his ring finger trail across the back of Jay’s knuckles, fitting in between Jay’s pinky and ring finger only for a moment before letting his hand go entirely.
When he looked up to meet Jay’s eyes, he was already looking at him. His expression was unreadable, as if he were simply observing. They sat like that for a bit. Too long. Staring at each other. When Jungwon thought he saw movement, as if Jay were scooting his chair just an inch, a centimeter closer, he cleared his throat, looking back at the work in front of them.
“Should we get back to it?” he asked.
“Yeah,” Jay nodded, not moving, still observing.
“Maybe I’ll just go ahead and finish the cutting.” He raised an eyebrow.
“Might be for the best.”
~ ~ ~
Two days after their chemistry exam, Jungwon woke up with a cough. A bad cough. Like, I can’t even remember what it feels like to have a functioning esophagus cough. He stole a swig of Sunoo’s DayQuil and took a piping hot shower, hoping that it would go away. He couldn’t bring himself to skip chemistry class. Who would Jay talk to about the exam grades then? Would he talk to anyone? What if he changed seats? He couldn’t risk it.
“No way you’re going to class,” Sunoo said as he felt Jungwon’s forehead, “You definitely have a fever. You probably have covid.”
“No,” Niki said from across the room, covering his mouth with his hand, “You have to go to the health center. No way am I letting you give me covid in the middle of rush season.”
“Thanks for the sympathy,” Jungwon said, his voice scratchy. It launched him into another coughing fit.
“I can drive you,” Sunoo offered, “Come on.”
After their trip to the campus health center, it was determined that Jungwon did not, in fact, have covid. It was only strep throat.
“You’ll need to take some antibiotics, but it should be cleared up in about three days,” the nurse told him, handing him a slip of paper excusing him from class. That would be the rest of the week. Meaning he will have gone a week without seeing Jay. He groaned as he got back into the car in which Sunoo was still waiting.
“No covid. But no more class all week for me.” Jungwon sulked, sliding down into his seat as he stared out the window.
“Oh, no. Won’t be able to visit your boyfriend,” Sunoo mocked him.
“No, I won’t.” Jungwon was done refuting the boyfriend title. “I felt like we were really starting to be real friends. Like, actually kind of close.”
“You not being able to see each other for a few days won’t change that.” Sunoo put a hand on Jungwon’s shoulder. “Ice cream? For your sore throat?” Jungwon smiled at Sunoo’s attempt at comforting him. He nodded.
As they drove to their favorite drive-thru ice cream parlor, Jungwon felt his phone buzz in his lap.
Jay
Everything okay?
You weren’t in class today
Had to sit all alone
Jungwon couldn’t help but smile.
Jungwon
i have strep :(
sorry for making you suffer thru class alone
Jay
Don’t apologize
Do you want me to bring you anything?
Or just come chill?
As miserable as Jungwon felt, he knew he looked just as bad. He couldn’t let Jay see him like this.
Jungwon
very nice but it's okay
sunoo and niki will be my personal assistants until i get back to feeling better
should be back in class by monday tho
So, Jungwon spent the next three days in bed, determined to drink as many fluids and rest as much as possible so he could see Jay again next week. On Friday, he sat in his bed, playing Animal Crossing while Niki sat across the room from him, watching some new anime that Jungwon didn’t care for. It was amazing to him how Niki, a freshman, had managed to pull off having no Friday classes. Jungwon checked the time. Chemistry class had ended about half an hour ago. He debated texting Jay to ask him for notes, but he doubted they would be all that good. Even though they had texted practically all day yesterday, he wanted an excuse to make contact again.
The knock on their dorm room door made Jungwon flinch. He looked up at Niki, who gave him a questioning look. Who would be knocking on their door on a Friday morning? They left their door unlocked, so even if Sunoo had forgotten his key, he would have no problem just walking in.
Niki climbed down from his top bunk, shuffling over to the door.
“Hey,” a familiar voice said as the door opened. Jungwon lay back down in his bed, bringing the blankets up to cover most of his reddening face.
“Hey, Jay,” Niki responded. Jungwon thanked the universe that his view of Jay was completely obstructed by the door.
“Sorry to bother you guys,” he said, “Is Jungwon here?”
“Yeah, um,” Niki peered around the door to look at him. Jungwon’s eyes went wide as he shook his head. “He’s asleep right now.”
“Oh, shit,” Jay said, in a much more hushed tone, “Sorry, I just wanted to drop this off for him.” Jungwon heard the crinkle of a plastic bag. “It’s curry. I made it. I just figured he might want something besides cold dining hall food.”
“Yeah, totally. I’ll make sure he gets it.”
“Cool. Thanks, man.” Niki shut the door, glaring at Jungwon. Oh my god, he mouthed. Jungwon rolled his eyes, hiding back under his blankets.
“Dude, he is like in love with you. Homemade curry? How does he even know you like that?”
“How does he even know where we live?” Jungwon asked.
“Oh, well. I might have told him that. I thought he was just asking for sig chi stuff, but I guess he was asking because he just totally wants to do you.” Niki grinned as he put the curry on Jungwon’s desk.
“If you talk about me and Jay doing it one more time, I’m requesting a room change.”
Their conversation was cut off by the door opening. Sunoo rushed in, throwing his backpack onto his bed.
“Guess who I just saw walking out of our building?” he asked enthusiastically.
“Jay.” Jungwon and Niki said in unison.
“What? How did you–” His eyes drifted to the bag of food, which Jungwon just noticed had a handwritten note stapled to it. Feel better. – Jay. “Oh my god, he’s in love with you.”
~ ~ ~
“You like have to tell him,” Sunoo said, backing into the door of the cafeteria as they stepped into the hot afternoon sun.
“Tell him what?” Jungwon feigned ignorance.
“That you have a huge, capital C, Crush on him,” he replied. Niki giggled to himself at their bickering. “It’s been almost a month. That’s a totally appropriate amount of time to be friendly with someone before having sex with them.”
“Who said I’m having sex with him?” Jungwon whispered, looking around to make sure no sig chi brothers were around to hear them.
“Well if you are gonna have sex with him, better make it soon, because the rush season is almost over, and having someone on the executive board sleeping with one of my roommates would probably work in my favor,” Niki added. Sunoo nodded.
“He’s right. Jungwon, don’t you want to help out our poor little freshman roommate by losing your V card to one of the hottest guys on campus?” Sunoo said, wrapping his arm around Niki’s shoulders.
“Okay, ew-” Niki began, shoving Sunoo’s arm off of him.
“Can we not talk about my V card in the middle of the quad, Jesus.” They approached the science building, in which Jungwon was about to see said hottest guy on campus. “He’s probably not even gay.”
“Well, I could try to figure that out for you this Friday,” Niki said, shrugging.
“What’s this Friday?” Jungwon and Sunoo asked in unison. Sunoo reached around Niki to punch Jungwon’s shoulder. Jinx, he mouthed with a smile.
“The big end of rush party. They invite like all prospective brothers, and then everyone gets absolutely hammered. Feels like a decent time to subtly bring it up.”
“Or Jungwon could just go to the party and figure it out for himself,” Sunoo suggested, wiggling his eyebrows.
“Nah, the current members are in charge of the guest list, and only prospective brothers and girls get let in. If you got an invite to that party, you’re either rushing sig chi or you’re–” Niki shot a glance at Sunoo, “losing your V card to one of the hottest guys on campus.” They giggled to each other while Jungwon hid his face, waving a half-hearted goodbye as he walked into the science building.
Jay had arrived before him, already sitting at their designated table. He typed furiously on his phone with one hand and drummed a pen on the table with his other. His left leg bounced up and down in time with the pen as it pattered on the scratched surface.
“Hey,” Jungwon said as he sat down. Jay flinched at the sound.
“Hey,” he responded, immediately flipping his phone screen side down onto the table, “You scared me.”
“Sorry,” Jungwon smiled as he took his notebook out of his bag. He watched as Jay chewed his bottom lip, still wobbling the pen between two fingers. “What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Oh,” Jay looked as though he’d been caught. He held the pen against the table, trapped beneath his hand. “Nothing, just– nervous, I guess. For the test results.”
“Oh, we get those back today?” Jungwon asked. Jay nodded. “Yeah, not looking forward to that.”
“Oh, please,” Jay huffed, “You definitely did way better than I did.”
“How is that true when we studied together?”
“Because you’re smart.”
“You flatter me,” Jungwon responded, turning his attention back to his notebook, hoping that his cheeks wouldn’t turn pink at the comment. After a few moments of him flipping to an empty page for notes, Jay picked his phone up from where it still lay on the table. Jungwon heard him take a breath.
“You know,” Jay said, clearing his throat and fidgeting with his hair, “There’s this thing – a sig chi party – this Friday. Um, I’m sure you heard about it from Niki. Or, um, maybe not, I don’t know.” Jay chuckled half-heartedly.
“Yeah, he told me.”
“And, um, well, I figured – would you wanna come?” he finally asked. Jungwon felt his palms begin to sweat. If his cheeks weren’t pink before, they definitely were now.
If you got an invite to that party, you’re either rushing sig chi or you’re losing your V card to one of the hottest guys on campus.
Niki’s words rang in Jungwon’s ears. He watched as Jay’s expression grew more anxious by the second, awaiting an answer.
“Yeah, of course, yeah,” Jungwon said, still somewhat in a daze.
“Cool,” Jay nodded, biting back a smile, “Very cool.”
~ ~ ~
“Niki, can you pour me another shot?” Jungwon asked, shaking an empty shot glass in front of his face.
“Sure–”
“You might want to slow down,” Sunoo said, giving Jungwon a warning look. He laid a red three on top of the pile of Uno cards that sat in the middle of their dorm room floor. They all sat with their legs crossed in a circle around the game, finding this to be an appropriate pregame activity.
“What?” Jungwon said, slapping Sunoo on the shoulder, spilling his beer in the process.
“See what I mean,” Sunoo said, looking at Niki for some type of backup.
“I don’t know,” Niki shrugged, handing Jungwon a shot glass filled to the brim with the cheapest tequila they could find. “I mean, it’s a frat party. Everyone there is going to be hammered.”
“Yes, but not everyone there is trying to impress their crush, which is especially hard to do when you are puking your guts out.”
“That only happened one time,” Jungwon whined as he washed down his shot with a gulp of beer. “And plus, also, I need to be chill around Jay. Like, I’m always so shy and weird around him. No more.”
“Yeah, now you’ll just be drunk and weird,” Sunoo said, shoving Jungwon, making him spill his beer again with a small oops. “Your turn, dumbass.” Jungwon put down a red skip card.
“Who are you skipping?” Niki asked.
“What?”
“You laid down a skip, who are you skipping?”
“Oh,” he said, thinking for a moment. His brain felt too fuzzy to keep up. “I put that down?”
“You’ve got to be joking,” Sunoo groaned as he went to stand up. Jungwon pulled on the hem of his sweatshirt.
“No, no. Okay. I pick, um, Niki.”
“Ha,” Sunoo pointed at Niki and grinned as he took his seat.
“What the fuck? Why would you do that? I have six cards, and he has literally one.”
“Niki,” Jungwon waved his hand dismissively, taking another sip of his beer.
“Good luck with him tonight,” Sunoo said to Niki as he laid down his final card, “I win, bitches.”
“Okay, let’s go, Jungwon,” Niki said. He stood up from the floor, throwing his cards back into the pile before grabbing his keys from the top of the microwave. It blinked the numbers 10:52. Jungwon followed, placing a hand on Sunoo’s shoulder to maintain his balance. He swirled his beer around in his hand. It felt about half empty. He took a deep breath before slowly chugging the rest.
“Jungwon,” Sunoo said with a warning tone. He rose to his feet and stared at him, mouth agape. He finished the drink with a satisfied gasp, throwing the empty can onto his desk.
“Hell yeah,” Niki said. He slapped Jungwon’s hand, making him sway slightly. Niki’s free hand came up to his elbow, stabilizing him.
“Don’t let him do anything stupid,” Sunoo said as he ushered them out the door.
“I won’t,” Niki winked back at him in response.
The trek across campus to the frat houses was long and mostly uphill. Jungwon held onto Niki’s shoulder to keep his balance. That last half of a beer had sent him over the edge. He tried to snap out of it, make himself feel more in his own body. He focused on the cool breeze that hit his cheeks and the way Niki kicked up the dew on the grass with each step, splattering on Jungwon’s ankles.
“You good?” Niki asked. They were nearing the frat houses now. Jungwon could hear the faint boom of the bass.
“Yeah. Good.”
“Maybe we should make like a code word or something.”
“Huh?” Jungwon looked at him. It was hard to focus on his face.
“Like if either of us needs to leave or anything. A code word.” Jungwon smiled. Even in his current state, he knew that Niki was only doing this for him. Niki could hold his alcohol and almost never wanted to flee social situations. Jungwon patted his shoulder.
“What about, um– grapefruit?” Jungwon said, giggling.
“Why grapefruit?”
“Don’t ask silly questions.” By the time he had stopped giggling over whatever was so funny about the word grapefruit, they had arrived at the front door. It stood propped open, with three boys standing guard in front of it.
“Hey,” one of the boys greeted Niki with a slap of the hand.
“Hey, Heeseung.” Niki blended in so well with these boys. Jungwon was impressed. “This is Jungwon.” The boy, Heeseung, looked at him with a questioning look, as if to say you don’t belong here, do you. He suddenly felt very self-conscious. Jay had invited him, but he didn’t know the etiquette of these things. Was there a list? A screening process? Had Jay actually uninvited him without notice?
Suddenly, the door behind the boys swung open, revealing yet another boy who balanced a stack of tiny plastic cups in one hand, filled with a mysterious blue substance. Jungwon recognized him as Jay’s roommate. He couldn’t remember his name, especially not now.
“Jake,” Niki said, pushing past the other boys to greet him. They exchanged what looked to be a personalized handshake. Jungwon gawked in confusion. They knew each other? And well enough to have a secret handshake, no less.
“Jungwon,” Jake said, moving to greet him, “My guy.” Jungwon relaxed a bit. He at least had one other friendly face amongst the crowd of frat boys. “Here, come in. Come in.” He led Niki and Jungwon into the house, packed with college students, most of whom Jungwon had never even seen on campus. They had finally made it to a relatively clear area when Jake turned to them, offering two of the cups. “Jello shot?” he asked.
“Totally,” Niki said, taking one, “You don’t have to, Jungwon.” He could barely hear him over the blaring music. He shook his head.
“No, I’ll have one.” He couldn’t look like a total loser in front of Jay’s friends. He watched Niki scrape the shot out of the cup, dumping it entirely into his mouth. Jungwon wasn’t a fan of jello. Or shots. But he followed suit. He chewed the gelatinous liquid, wincing at the overbearing flavor of vodka. He swallowed it carefully, focusing on keeping it down.
“Oh,” Jake said, still handing out shots to partygoers around them, “Jay is in the lounge. I’ll take you there.” Jungwon followed him through the weaving corridors of the house, sliding between crowds of people. Finally, they reached a room lined with couches and armchairs. The music was a bit quieter and the lights less blue and more a warm orange. A group of boys, some with girls sitting beside them or on their laps, sat around a coffee table filled with drinks, lit cigarettes in ashtrays, and a gaudy glass bong. Jungwon’s eyes landed on the figure at the end of the old brown leather couch. Jay met his eyes, smiling as he stood to greet him.
And that was the last thing that Jungwon could remember.