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“Oh dear.” Caroline clicked her tongue against her teeth and her pen against her clipboard. “What a mess.”
Waging war against the mantis men had taken all day. The bravest test subjects, those who had actually fought and not fled, had been compensated for their overtime and sent home. The rest… that was where she came in.
It wasn't her job to clean up the bodies, and for that she was grateful. She was only there to catalog. The floor was strewn with unfortunate test subjects, humans and mantids alike. Humantids, Caroline thought to herself with the hint of a smile. When injured, they’d leaked a watery brownish fluid instead of human blood- though there was plenty of that around, too. She made sure to watch her step as she entered the testing area.
“Test subject 00945,” she murmured to herself, checking him off on her form, “Deceased. Number 00426, deceased. Number 00755, deceased and a mantis.” As she progressed, she recognized a few of the test subjects who had made strong impressions. There was the promising young pentathlete who had been so excited to test. He’d asked all sorts of eager questions. There was another young man, one she could only identify by number, who had gotten far too close to her and was bragging about how many Nazis he had killed. Unless he had a remarkably effective skincare routine, Caroline had thought, he was too young to have killed any Nazis. But she just smiled sweetly, thanked him for his service, and encouraged him to volunteer for one of their most exciting tests- the one with the praying mantis DNA.
In any case, she didn’t get attached to the test subjects. She helped process thousands of them- they couldn’t all be memorable. And the testing was dangerous, everyone knew that. The first time a test had gone very badly, they’d tried to hide it from her. One of the scientists had blocked the door. But Cave Johnson had waved her in, albeit with a warning. He looked pleased when she hadn’t passed out, patting her on the shoulder and calling her solid. The failures could be gruesome, but Caroline had never had that much trouble with that. What was there to be afraid of?
There was one body that gave her pause. It looked like the astronaut- Dan? No, Stan- who’d sat down at the piano while waiting to test. He’d caught her humming along and invited her to sing. She’d only agreed because the waiting room was almost empty. His voice was quiet and gravelly, hers high and clear, but they’d achieved something like harmony.
Underneath the bright silvery light,
You'll be feeling better soon,
Pick up your hat,
Close up your flat,
Get out, get under the moon
She was mildly relieved to realize that it wasn’t him. She’d enjoyed hearing him play. It would’ve been a shame if he’d been ripped apart by mantis men. Since he hadn't, maybe he would come back for more testing. She moved on.
One of the fallen mantis men was crumpled in a heap and Caroline had to use her foot to turn him over. His jumpsuit had ripped in exactly the right spot to obscure the number stitched onto the front. With a sigh, she crouched beside him, using the end of her pen to push the torn fabric back into place. That same fluid- blood, hemolymph, or some combination thereof- had leaked all over his test identification number.
“You know, you’re a real troublemaker,” Caroline told the body, leaning in to make out the last digits. “You couldn’t have-” she froze. Something was moving behind her. Still crouching, she turned around slowly. One of the mantis men had survived. Chittering, it raised itself up, wings and forelegs lifted in a threat display.
“Oh!” said Caroline, a soft cry of surprise. Then she dove sideways. The mantis lunged towards her an instant too late. She scrambled to her feet and ran, her full skirt swirling around her. Distantly she observed that if she’d worn a pencil skirt that day she would probably be dead.
The nearest rifle was still clasped in a dead man’s hands and Caroline had to wrench it away from him. The only time she’d held a gun before was when she was distributing them for this test. She almost forgot to click the safety forward. Her first shot went wide. The mantis man advanced on her, hissing. Within seconds it would be near enough to get at her with those spiked, grasping forelegs. Caroline took a deep breath and lined up her next shot.
She blew one of the mantis’s front legs clean off and clipped its shoulder. The rest of her shots would’ve hit the same area had there been any more bullets left in the chamber. The clip ejected automatically and hit the floor. The mantis man swayed but did not fall. It was close enough that she could see its mandibles moving. She’d heard that mantises used their mouthparts like scissors to slice into prey. And then she had seen it.
Caroline took a step backwards, then another- then her back hit the wall. Nowhere left to run. The mantis man raised its good arm to strike-
“No-!” She dealt a clumsy blow, knocking its head aside with the barrel. It didn’t do any damage, but it gave her enough time to switch her grip and hit it again with the butt of the rifle. “No,” she said again, repeating the word with every downswing. “No, no, no, no, no!”
Something gave way and it finally fell. Caroline stood over the body, breathing hard, her blood pounding in her ears. The rifle slipped out of her hands.
By the time Cave Johnson reached the testing area she was taking notes again like nothing had happened. She gave him a smile that was just a couple of watts below normal.
“Everything alright in here, Caroline? I heard gunfire.”
“Fine, sir. One of the mantis men wasn't quite dead. I took care of it.”
He followed her gaze and gave a low whistle. “You sure did.” He strolled over to her and clasped her shoulders. “You're not hurt, are you?”
“No sir.”
He brushed her cheek with one knuckle. “Looks like it scratched you.”
“It did?” She hadn't noticed.
Cave tweaked her bangs. “Good news though, I think you’re going to make it.”
Caroline chuckled. “Oh good. I’m not finished.”
“Take a break and wash up first. Don't want mantis germs getting into your system.” “And the lab boys will want a sample of that goo in your hair.”
“It's in my hair?” Caroline wrinkled her nose. “Ew. I think I will take that break.”
“Hurry back, killer.”
“Yes sir, Mr. Johnson.”