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Louise walked calmly from the playground, breaking into a trot as she rounded the corner, out of Rudy’s line of sight. She made it a block before she started running, panic rising. She was so glad that Tina and Gene hadn’t waited for her; she did not want them to see her like this, especially Tina. She knew too much.
Panting, she ducked into the alley, taking a minute to compose herself. Damn, she was sweating. And was she trembling? What was wrong with her, it was just Rudy, just a kiss, a stupid, dumb, idiot kiss. She’d kissed a boy. No big deal. So what if it was Rudy? That was better, right? She knew he wouldn’t tell anybody. So what, so what, so what. No big deal.
Her clammy hands and pounding heart said differently. Okay. Get it together. Quit thinking about it. Act like nothing happened. Nothing had happened, really. She had…done a favor for a friend. Let him down easy. That was all.
Right. She wiped her hands on her dress and took a deep breath. She was fine. This was fine. She definitely did not feel like her entire world was collapsing around her bunny ears. So she had broken one of her fundamental Rules of Louise. Sure, she wasn’t supposed to kiss a boy until, like, her wedding day or something. But it was just once. She didn’t have to do it again. She wouldn’t do it again. This had been…an extreme exception.
Everything was under control. Nothing had happened and everything was under control and she was just regular Louise and no one would know anything except her and Rudy. And he was sworn to secrecy under penalty of death. And she would rather die than tell anyone.
Dredging up some confidence, she walked around the corner to the restaurant door and went inside. Luckily, Tina was telling her story of her so-called “sky kiss,” so Louise slipped into a booth with Gene, who was staring wistfully at a bunch of half-eaten dark chocolates. She didn’t know what that was about, and she didn’t want to ask.
”Louise!” Mom crowed, interrupting Tina’s description of what it was like to kiss Jimmy Junior while he was hanging in the air. “All my babies are finally here! I can tell you all about your father’s Valentine’s gift.”
Dad grimaced in the kitchen, but there was no stopping a Linda story once it started. Even Tina quickly recovered from being unable to relive her weird puberty fantasy, as the words hip-hop, Bobby, and Teddy were immediately thrown into the same sentence. Blessedly, Louise was able to genuinely forget about her own uncomfortable Valentine’s adventure; she was having too much fun mocking her father.
“Please tell me someone got this on video.” She was going to post it to the internet, for sure. With an appropriately inappropriate score by Gene.
”No,” Mom said, disappointed. “I was so excited, I forgot to get out my phone.”
”Come on, Mom, what do you even have a cell phone for?” Louise jumped up on the bench so she could get a clear look into the kitchen. “Dad, we need a reenactment.”
He didn’t even bother to look up from the tomato he was slicing. ”No.”
Oh, she was going to get that reenactment, she was going to—
“Oh, Louise, how did it go with Rudy?” Tina turned on her stool to face Louise, completely earnest and completely oblivious.
Louise flopped back onto the bench as Gene perked up and Dad peered through the service window. Her heart was suddenly pounding again, and she felt a blush creeping into her cheeks. All four of them were staring at her, and she had the sudden irrational certainty that they’d all be able to read it on her face. She started sweating again, and a crazed laugh bubbled up in the back of her throat. Tina’s expression became uncertain.
”What happened with Rudy?” Dad asked, trying and failing to not sound suspicious.
”Louise had to break it to him that Chloe Barbash didn’t want to be his Valentine,” Tina answered quickly. “How’d he take it, Louise?”
She swallowed the laugh. “Not great. You know Rudy, he can have a thick skull sometimes.” She tried a shrug. “He’ll figure it out eventually.”
”Who’s Chloe Barbash?” Mom asked with disgust. Well, at least she was on the right page already.
”Only the most boring, empty-headed shampoo commercial in our grade,” Louise grumbled before she could catch herself.
In the kitchen, Dad made his skeptical hm sound. Crap. She scrambled for a quip, but miraculously, she was saved by, of all things, a customer entering the restaurant.
She had never been so glad for the restaurant to get business.
***
Homework. Supper. Television. The usual evening. But Louise was anxious to be alone, so she could have her annoying thoughts in peace without worrying that someone would notice. No matter how much she tried to distract herself, her brain kept going back to the playground and her split-second decision.
So, as her family settled into another round of reruns, she remarked how bored she was and slipped off to her room. No one questioned her, and she closed her door with a relieved sigh.
She kicked off her shoes and flopped onto her bed, exhausted. Maybe after a night of sleep, the whole incident would be erased from her memory. Maybe she’d wake up and realize it had never even happened.
She rolled her head to the side to find Kuchi Kopi staring at her. Judging. She glared at him.
”You think I don’t really want to forget?” She snorted. “Who even told you, anyway? Quit looking at me like that. It was just because I felt bad for him, okay? He looked so lost, and pathetic, and disappointed—“
Kuchi Kopi continued to stare at her, unimpressed.
”Okay, fine, you want to talk about it? Let’s talk about it.” She sat up, grabbing Kuchi Kopi and holding him in her lap. He looked up at her, seeing through her. Stupid Kuch. Always a know-it-all.
“No, I don’t like-like Rudy, geez, you sound like Tina. It’s just…Chloe? Really? She might as well be an empty plastic bag.” She flopped back on the bed, holding Kuchi Kopi up above her. “I didn’t want him to give me any love weeds. But it would have been better if it was me than Chloe Barbash. Can you believe that note she gave him? And then she doesn’t even have the decency to kiss him? On Valentine’s Day?”
***
On her way back from the bathroom, Tina paused at Louise’s door. Was someone talking? She leaned closer, listening carefully. Yes, that was Louise. Talking to herself?
***
“Stop giving me that look!” Louise swung Kuchi Kopi through the air, but he came back to rest still gazing at her from above. God, he was good. “Yeah, okay, I didn’t have to kiss Rudy just because Chloe didn’t. But what was I supposed to do? Just leave him there like that?”
She could have. She should have. Louise Belcher didn’t have crushes on boys (unless they were named Boo-Boo and had hair like honey and glitter pens) and she definitely didn’t kiss boys. Even Tina hadn’t kissed a boy until she was thirteen. Louise should have easily been able to last longer than that.
Except it had unexpectedly hurt when Rudy had asked her to give the card and love weeds to someone else. She didn’t like-like him, but…he was her best friend. How could he go around having a crush on another girl? Especially someone shallow enough to drown in a puddle. She shouldn’t have to share his attention with someone like that.
”What? You think I don’t want to share his attention with anyone? Pff, come on, Kuch, it’d be fine if he liked somebody cool…” She frowned at Kuchi Kopi, who was still giving her that look. “Okay, yeah, maybe I have high standards for who Rudy should like, but come on. It’s Rudy. He needs somebody to look out for him. And who better than me?”
***
Gene stopped down the hall from Tina. “What are you doing?”
She shushed him and waved him toward her. When he had sat down on the floor next to her, she whispered, “I think Louise kissed Rudy.”
”What?!”
She put her hand over his mouth. “Shh! Just listen!”
***
Louise paused. Had she heard Gene outside her door? She listened carefully, but she didn’t hear anything else. Eventually, she turned back to Kuchi Kopi, still judging her.
”Yeah, okay, fine, I’ll admit it. It was…kind of nice when I thought he like-liked me. I mean, it’s gross, but…I’m not really the kind of girl that boys like, am I? I mean, they should, obviously, because I’m great. But…they don’t. They like girls like friggin’ Chloe Barbash. Even Rudy, who should like me.” She squirmed, pulling Kuchi Kopi to her chest. That was almost too honest, even to admit to the Kuch.
”I mean, whatever. It’s not like I want boys to like me. Or even care if they do.” Yeah, that would fix it. She rolled over, setting Kuchi Kopi back on her nightstand. He sat there calmly, as if he hadn’t just coerced her into admitting some very embarrassing things.
“So I kissed Rudy. So what. I didn’t do it because I like him. He deserved to get his first kiss, even if it wasn’t from the person he wanted. And I didn’t want him to feel bad. Sometimes you make sacrifices for your friends, right? It doesn’t make me any different…does it?”
She stared at Kuchi Kopi, holding her breath. Finally, his stare looked different. Sympathetic. She hadn’t changed. She was still Louise. Good. That was good. All these complicated, confusing feelings were unimportant. She could let it go. Or put it away somewhere she didn’t have to look at it. At least for a few more years. Maybe when she was eleven, or thirteen. Or twenty-five.
”All right, Kuch,” she said cheerily, uncomfortable feelings neatly contained for the moment, “we can forget about all that. Right now, I need you to be my doodie buddy.” She hopped off her bed and tucked Kuchi Kopi under her arm.
***
Tina and Gene shoved at each other, scrambling to get away from the door as Louise crossed her room. If she caught them…Tina didn’t want to think about it. As the doorknob turned, she pushed Gene down the hall, stumbling after him, trying to reach the living room.
***
Louise stepped out into the hall to a lot of loud shuffling. She turned to see Tina and Gene in a heap next to the living room. For a second, she panicked, thinking they had been eavesdropping, that they had heard everything. Oh, God…
“Oh, heyyy, Louise,” Tina said from underneath Gene. “We’re just…uhh…”
Gene picked up the sentence for her. ”Practicing our stage dives. Tina is not good at it.’
Louise stared at them suspiciously, but she was pretty sure they couldn’t have made it that far if they’d been listening at her door. Yeah. No way. They weren’t smooth enough to sneak around without her guidance, anyway. And she’d been talking quietly, right? Sure.
“Okay. Remind me not to take Tina to any really good concerts.” She headed for the bathroom, happy to convince herself that she didn’t hear them sigh in relief behind her.