Work Text:
“I don’t blame you, if you want to bury me in your memory, I’m not the girl I ought to be”
Her fingers slid down her own neck, eyes fixed onto the screen. Envisioned herself singing in the place where the past singer was. Every turn, every beat, every breath; she followed. Her nail instinctively punctured the side of her throat, mimicking the death of the unfortunate performer. They keeled over quickly, the guards rushing in to drag the body away. It seemed surreal to be able to reverse the video, watching over and over again, feeling like the life of a stranger belonged in her fingertips. Whenever she wished, she could simply reverse the video and the corpse would stand up again and sing. An endless loop of death and enslavement. That was “Alien Stage” after all, wasn’t it?
In days time, she would be the one dead in the midst of those flashing lights. Mizi would live on. Was it cruel to force her to endure such a torture? Sua pushed the thought aside. If one of the two were to die, she’d prefer it be her over Mizi. Mizi; her sun who shined so brightly. The one who burned for others to witness. A kind and fiery soul that could easily crush everyone in its wake. Sua wanted to see it all. No matter the damage done to her eyes, no matter the burning, she wished to gaze into Mizi’s fire and watch every crackle escape into the air. Wanted to die being the only one to know “Mizi” and not just what she buried beneath her facade. Sua wanted Mizi’s true face. And so, in the dead of the night, Sua hit rewind and played her own funeral over and over.
“Maybe when you tell your friends, you can tell them what you saw in me”
There was something beautiful in tracing over her own lines. She had read the script endless times, but when her feelings got in her way, Sua would read it again. She uncapped the pink highlighter. Carrying their fates in her hands, she drew a line over her lines. The blue and pink danced together before both faltered and fused into purple. The pink had always seemed stronger to Sua, but she decided to send the thought along its way.
The room was empty, nothing but the soft blue light, the video, the script in her hands and her mind. She read the lyrics again, hummed them to herself then counted the lines to check her work before setting the paper aside and taking a moment to catch her fleeing thoughts, idly watching the video again.
The feelings inside Sua came in waves, flooding her being before retreating as if to mock her. Her own personal symphony, designed to give to Mizi with her heart in a ribbon. Sua’s thoughts were dragged away by a small step rhythmically tapped against the floor of the hallway, leaving her back in her reality.
“And not how I turned out to be”
The sound stopped in front of the door. Somebody was there. A cold, distant feeling ran over Sua. What would they do if they found out? What would Mizi do if she found out? Her body felt static. Was this what it would feel like when the bullet hit her? She tried to move, and her body responded by replaying the video. Then, a warm feeling crashed over her body. Enclosed her in its heat. Mizi.
For a moment, the two sat in silence. Sua unmoving and Mizi trembling from behind her. Please. Sua begged quietly. Please notice what I’m doing. Please acknowledge my affection for you. But Mizi’s love was different. Sua turned, debating what to say. Instead, Mizi’s lips found hers.
It was nothing sexual. Nothing plain or ordinary, but wouldn’t qualify as romantic. It was over before Sua could register anything besides the blistering warmth in her heart. For just a second, Mizi’s lips were on hers, leaving an empty feeling when they left. She wandered into Mizi’s eyes, hoping Mizi was looking back into hers the same. The colors of burning stars. She wanted to dip her fingers into them.
“What’re you doing out here?” Mizi asked. Sua missed her voice. She missed all the things it had spoken, the cruel, the gentle, and the things she’d never said. Sua’s eyes softened. If Mizi could play her game, Sua wanted to play one too. “Just practicing.” Mizi’s gaze hardened ever so slightly. Sua pretended not to see. In response, Mizi’s grip tightened on Sua. Like she was holding something back. Sua wanted nothing more than to hear what had gone unsaid.
So the two sat, arms holding each other as if they would fall apart, for a time Sua didn’t dare to waste any second of.