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The door creaked open and Noel caught his brother with his guitar in his lap, twisting and pulling the tuning pegs aimlessly.
“What the hell are you doing?!” Noel asked, immediately alarmed.
Liam scoffed and dropped the guitar carelessly on the bed. “Messing with your guitar, what’s it look like?”
Noel immediately made his way to Liam’s bed and picked up the instrument, holding it close to his body. “Don’t bloody touch my things, you knobhead!”
“Don’t see the big deal, it’s just wood and strings.”
“Are you going to pay for it if you break it, you little shit?”
Then Liam turned his head. “”Course not, you’re a big boy now, eh? Just buy another with your roadie money.”
“They’re fucking expensive, Liam! Not that you would know, you don’t pay for shite!”
“Yeah, well it’s not my fucking problem what happens to your guitar! Take it with you when you leave again!” Liam shot back and he immediately stormed out of the room. Noel furrowed his brows and let the door slam before sitting on his bed with the guitar secured in his arms.
“Jesus, what’s with that boy?” He asked himself as he plucked a few strings, checking to see the damage. The guitar was severely out of tune, but it seemed Liam’s aim was not to hurt the instrument but rather to mess with it as he said. Why though, Noel had no idea.
…
Noel was sitting on the couch with a bag of crisps when Liam found him the next day. The guitar was at his side, untouched but it leaned against his brother in a way that denoted its belonging to Noel.
“You have that thing on your arm like it’s a bird,” Liam noted and Noel turned to face him.
“What, jealous?” Noel asked as he ate another crisp.
“Who said anythin’ about that?” Liam narrowed his eyes and huffed. “You look proper silly, treating it like a person.”
“I’m not treating it like a person, I have no bloody idea what you’re even on about.” Noel rolled his eyes and crumpled the bag. “You’re fucking on one, you know that?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Liam asked now, crossing his arms.
“Nothin’, forget I said anything.” Noel turned away from Liam and turned on the television. Liam wanted to say something more but decided not to. Clearly his brother was done having their conversation.
…
“What the fuck are you doing?” Noel asked the next evening when he saw Liam moving the guitar stand to make room for his dresser.
“Fucking moving your shite out of the way.”
“That’s my guitar stand! You don’t just get to move it- And be fucking gentle with it!” Noel screeched as he watched Liam slide it across the floor. The stand made a skidding sound that worried the older man, thinking the guitar might just fall and shatter.
“It can stay on your side of the room!” Liam huffed when he let go of it.
“Yeah, okay, well now it’s on my side so don’t fucking touch it anymore!” Noel reprimanded. Liam sneered at the way Noel reached a hand down to the instrument, almost like he was petting it. “This is why you don’t have nice things, you can’t fucking take care of them!”
“I take care of things I fuckin’ care about!”
“Like what?”
“Like fuckin’-” The younger found himself at a loss for words. “Fuckin’ everything!”
“That’s not even-”
“Fuck off, Noel!”
…
Noel slowly crept into his bedroom the next night as quietly as he could. He’d had a late night at the pub and didn’t want to wake anyone, least of all Liam. Under the cover of darkness, he reached his bed but not before becoming vaguely aware of a quiet sound coming from the other side of the room.
Noel stopped for a moment in his tracks, trying to identify the sound. Shuffling? A rustle of fabric? …Sniffling?
Noel whipped his head in the direction of Liam’s bed and he could vaguely make out his brother’s figure under the sheets, but the alcohol in Noel’s system was trying desperately to convince him it wasn’t his brother making these… pained sounds.
“Liam?” Noel asked despite himself. Another sniffle, this time the sound was unmistakeable. “Liam? You there?”
Another rustle of fabric and Noel thought he could see Liam’s head turn from facing the wall to now facing him, but he couldn’t be sure. “Fuck off.”
Noel’s mouth went dry because the kid had clearly been crying if his broken tone was anything to go off of. “Liam, kid, what’s got you upset?”
There was silence for a moment. “Nothin’.”
It wasn’t nothing, it was never nothing with Liam, but it wasn’t as though Noel had automatic subtitles to translate Liam’s thoughts into Noel’s mind, so now the older had to get creative. “Come on, it’s not nothing, I know when it’s not nothing.”
“I said it’s nothin’ so it’s fuckin’ nothin’!”
Noel pursed his lips and tried not to show his frustration. “Okay, so it’s nothin’ and you’re crying for no reason, are you? Are you a girl or summat?”
“Am not no fuckin’ girl.”
“Then stop crying and start talking.”
Liam didn’t respond for a moment and laid there in his bed. Then quietly he turned back over to face the wall. “No point, you’re pissed. You can’t hold a proper conversation with me.”
“I am right now, aren’t I?” Honestly, Noel thought he was doing a pretty damn good job of having a sober conversation with his brother considering how much he had to drink. “Try me.”
Another small sniffle could be heard from Liam’s bed and Noel knew he couldn’t do nothing. The kid was—fourteen? Fifteen?—he wasn’t sure, but Liam was too young to be so seriously distraught over whatever it was that had him upset, and far too old to be crying over it like a child. Noel took a step closer to Liam’s bed and then sat down on it, not facing his brother but rather at his own bed across the room.
“Come on now, what’s wrong?”
Liam sniffled again and Noel could hear his uneven breathing. “You don’t fucking care.”
“I do,” Noel insisted, now turning to look at Liam’s head which was still facing away.
“You don’t, you just want to play your bloody guitar and go far away from here.” Noel raised his brows.
“I-”
“It’s fucking true and you know it!” Liam looked back at Noel again and Noel didn’t really know what to do about the water in his brother’s eyes.
“I’m a roadie, it’s what I do, Liam, can’t make money otherwise,” came the quick explanation but it wasn’t good enough.
“You could’ve gotten a job around here!”
“You would go far away from here too, wouldn’t you?” Noel reasoned. “Why’s this upsetting you so much? Is that the real reason you’re crying or summat?”
Liam’s frown deepened. And he began turning back to the wall but Noel stopped his head from turning by catching Liam’s chin. “None of that, you look at me when I speak to you, you twat.”
“Fuck off,” Liam said again.
Noel closed his eyes and exhaled calmly. “Is that what you want?”
“Not what I want, it’s what you want!”
“Fuck’s that supposed to mean?”
“Means you want to fuck off and leave us all behind! Mam and Paul and-” Liam choked on another sob. “-and me!”
Noel’s eyes widened and suddenly it all made sense. Had he just been too drunk to actually put the pieces together earlier in their conversation? No, because he’d also been blind to the signs before when he came home to Liam messing with his guitar. “Jesus, Liam-”
The kid sniffled again and Noel didn’t really know what to do. His brother was crying and apparently it was his fault, well, not really because Noel was allowed to do whatever he wanted with his life, but it was his fault that his baby brother was crying and Noel felt like shit because of it. He stayed silent and then slid a hand into Liam’s hair, combing through it.
“Fuck are you doing?” Liam asked, his voice still pained.
“Dunno, thought it might help.”
“You’re a wanker.”
Noel just stayed silent and kept combing through his brother’s locks, feeling Liam physically relax at the touch. The two stayed like that for a moment before Noel spoke again.
“I’m sorry I was away for so long. I didn’t know it affected you so much, Jesus.”
“‘S fine,” Liam replied. Noel was facing the wall again, not wanting to look at him.
“No, I should’ve come home more often. This is the first time I’ve been home in, what, months now?”
“Three months.”
So the boy’s been counting, has he? The thought made Noel sick with guilt.
“I shouldn’t have been away that long.”
Liam said nothing and let his brother keep running a hand through his hair. “I just missed you. I don’t care where you work. I just missed you, Noel.”
“I missed you too, our kid.” The hand in Liam’s hair stopped brushing through it and Noel seemed to be deep in thought. “You were jealous of the guitar, weren’t you?”
“Fuck off.”
“You were jealous I spent more time with it than you?”
Liam turned red but he was sure Noel wouldn’t notice in the darkness. “You’re in love with that thing or summat. It doesn’t deserve as much attention as you give it,” Liam retorted.
Noel scoffed. “It might be my one true love.”
Liam scowled because he really didn’t think the stupid guitar deserved his brother’s attention more than he did, but he wouldn’t ever admit that out loud. “Then fuck off with your guitar or summat.”
“If I do…” Again, Noel seemed to be pondering something. “Would you go with me?”
“What’s that mean?”
“I think it’s self explanatory, mate.”
Noel couldn’t see Liam's face but he felt it grow hot under his palm. “Yeah. If you’re leaving, take me with you.”
“One day,” Noel promised.
“You swear?” There was no response from the older man so Liam prodded again. “Noel, you swear?” Again, no reply so Liam grew frustrated. He yanked on Noel’s arm and the man came crashing down on him, causing the younger brother to yelp in surprise. “Noel, you knob, get off me!” Noel didn’t say anything and seemed to be deadweight on his brother, at which point Liam took note of Noel’s flushed face and closed eyes. “You wanker, are you asleep?”
As if to answer Liam’s question, a quiet snore came from his older brother's limp form and Liam was sure he had nailed it right on the head. “Bloody hell, Noel, your own bed was only a few steps away.” Despite his words, Liam wasn’t upset. Noel remained on top of Liam as the younger grabbed the throw blanket and draped it across Noel’s body before settling into bed.
Noel would be gone the next morning, but for now, he was here, and that’s what mattered.