Work Text:
I feel like I shouldn’t feel this way. Like I shouldn’t be sad for any reason, I have a good life. A nice family, a roof over my head, food on my plate. So why do I feel like this? Like I’m not enough, like I’ll never be enough. Even when people praise me, it still feels like they’re just lying to me. Lying to me so that I’ll believe it. I don’t feel pretty, or smart, or like I should be alive. I hate this, I hate it all, I resent it. I resent these feelings. I shouldn’t be having them. After all, I have it better than other people. I never really got hit, I never got into deep deep trouble. So why do I feel like this? I don’t know. I don’t know anything. I want to die, I don’t want to live. I feel like I shouldn’t have been born, I’m just a burden after all. Right? That’s what I feel like. And then every time I tell my mom that, or she finds out, she gets mad. She gets mad because of what I feel. Because of how I see things. I’m sorry that I’m human. I’m sorry that I’m not the perfect daughter. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. You should’ve gotten a better daughter instead of me. Who makes people pity her. Who makes them feel bad for her. Who lies all the time. Whos so stupid but so smart. Who can’t take care of herself. Who’s sensitive. I’m sorry. I just don’t feel anything. I don’t feel anything anymore. I’m just numb. Even when crying, I don’t feel anything other than the burning in my throat.
