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Chapter Text

For Brenda Leigh Johnson and Sharon Raydor, life had a way of manipulating them into a small bit of comfort only to unexpectedly rip it away like an old adhesive bandage.  For the last few months, the pair had existed in a haze of mutual adoration for one another; hell, work had even been civil, but things were about to change. And not necessarily for the better.

Coming home from an exceptionally harrowing day at the office, Sharon dragged her feet down the hall from the elevator.  Pushing open the condo door and flipping on the light, her heart nearly stopped.  Out of the darkness, she found Brenda on the edge of the sofa, her head full of blonde curls resting in her hands.  Normally the younger woman would be a welcome sight, but number one, she was supposed to be at a crime scene. Secondly, Sharon could feel in her gut that something was wrong. When her lover made no move to look up or act surprised at the sudden brightening of the room, she shut the door, dropped everything, and quickly knelt before her.

“Honey? What’s going on?”

Brenda sniffled, her nose clearly clogged due to her tears. “Sharon…”

Her voice was small and weak, and the pitiful sound made Sharon’s chest swell with anxiety. For the moment, she forced it away.

“Talk to me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?” 

“I screwed up.”

Sharon let her confusion show, yet still, climbed onto the sofa next to her lover and slipped an arm around her, determined to bring an end to whatever the crisis was.

“Look at me, take a breath,” she demonstrated. “Now, start from the beginning.”

Brenda tried but couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks. “You remember the day my divorce from Fritz was finalized?”

“Yes.”

“And he came to my place to get his things?”

“Uh-huh. Something happened?”

“Yeah.”

Sharon was earnestly scared then, but squared her shoulders. “Just say it, you’ll feel better.”

“I don’t know if I can…”

“Whatever it is, we’ll get through it together.”

Brenda couldn’t help the sob that wrinkled her features and she flung her hair back, pressing her face into her hands again. Silence hung heavily between them for a moment—then somehow she found her voice.

**************************************

Three Months Earlier

“Babe, do I have to do this?”

“Hey,” Sharon smiled and Brenda could hear it through the phone. “Just be thankful that on the same day that your divorce was finalized, your ex wants all of his things back. I’m still trying to rid myself of Jack Raydor.”

“Ha ha.”

“It’s not funny. You think I like the fact he still has a key?”

“No.”

“You’re right I don’t, so I’m jealous that Fritz wants out now.”

“Okay, okay.”

It was Sharon’s turn to laugh. “Or hey, think of it this way. Once his stuff is back in his possession, your place will finally be empty and you can be here full-time.”

“Alright, you win.” Brenda giggled.

“Don’t I always?”

“Yes.”

“Let the man get his things, then come home and I’ll make everything better.”

“Mmmm…fine.” 

“Love you.”

“I love you too.”

Sharon hung up quickly to avoid any retort from her partner. Brenda stared at her blank phone screen and couldn’t help but grin. 

“Oohhh, that woman!”

Another half hour went by, and Brenda was antsy and twiddling her thumbs, before Fritz knocked on the door.  He still had a key, but she supposed he had decided to be kind.  Until she opened the door that is.  Upon first glance, she could immediately see this retrieval of property was not going to be as easy as Sharon had promised.

“Fritz?”

“Well, lookie here, my ex-wife.” He leaned unnaturally against the frame of the door, his tone slurred and ugly. Then he nearly fell as he started to move.

Brenda caught him, barely supporting his almost dead weight. 

“What the hell? Are you drunk?”

“You really think I’d give up years of sobriety just because you left me for another woman?” He picked himself up, trying hard to look impressive and failing.

“Fritz Howard, you come here this instant.” 

She easily pulled him toward the bedroom where the last piece of furniture remained.  Pushing him down onto the bare mattress, Brenda sprinted back into the kitchen to grab a glass of water before he could try anything. He was too stunned to move, and when she returned, he accepted her offering without question.

“Drink that.”

“I don’t need…”

“Drink it!”

Fritz jumped and a splash of the cool liquid sprayed across the wood floor. He had the wherewithal to look embarrassed before he turned up the glass and chugged it. Handing the vessel back to Brenda, he swiped the back of his hand across his lips.

“There, I followed your orders. Happy?”

“No.”

“I never did satisfy you, did I?”

“That’s not true.” Brenda set the glass on the nightstand and nervously tucked her hair behind her ears.

“Yes, it is.”

“No, honey listen…”

“Brenda, enough!” Suddenly he sounded sober and very much like himself. “I’m sorry, but you need to be honest with yourself and with me.”

”Alright…okay…” she fidgeted. “I guess…”

“It’s okay, just say it.”

A vision of Sharon’s sculpted face and a vivid memory of her long fingers against her skin flashed across Brenda’s mind.

“Fine, no. You didn’t make me happy.”

“Thank you.”

“But, but, my feelings for you were genuine.”

“In the beginning, sure,” he faced her. “But our relationship started because you needed an ally.”

“Are you saying I used you?” Brenda realized she was arguing with an inebriated man, but she was still insulted.

“No well, yes, but I let it happen.”

“Fritzi…”

“Please…” he reached out to her, but stopped himself. “Don’t.”

She shared a touch in his stead. “I never intended to hurt you.”

“I know.” He let himself feel her hands against his skin. Then with skilled precision pressed his palms against her cheeks before she could protest. “My love for you was real.”

“I believe that and I’m sorry I couldn’t be everything you needed.”

In an instant, his countenance morphed from gentle and understanding to drunk and angry.  Fritz dropped his gaze from her face to her arms, trying his best to control her.  Brenda fought against him, but his rediscovery of alcohol acted like gamma radiation to Bruce Banner.  She was completely incapacitated in his grip.

“Fritz! Stop it!” 

Her voice was a desperate cry and she kicked even harder than she screamed, but it was of no use. Before she could reason what was happening, Brenda was naked from the waist down and flat on her back, her ex’s weight holding her to the bed.  Tears streamed down her cheeks.

“You don’t want to do this!” 

Fritz pressed his weight down upon her tiny body further then turned his eyes, boiling with rage directly to hers.

“You owe me!”

“No!”

The sound she made was a combination of horror and pain as he forced himself inside her unwilling body.  Brenda’s brain pushed away the agony with a hundred questions, all in an effort to erase what was happening.  Had she really made him break his sobriety? How was he aroused like this? Did she force him to do this?  

Suddenly something snapped inside her and she went slack, blaming herself and accepting her fate.  As he finished, she choked back the bile that had risen in her throat, shaking as he collapsed on top of her.  As she listened to and felt his booze-laden breath fall in a steady rhythm next to her ear, Brenda's emotions spilled forth from her eyes again.  Then she realized he’d gone fully limp.  Anger and frustration bolstered her strength and she pushed him away, rolling free and standing as speedily as she could.  As she looked down at him, half-dressed and now snoring, she swallowed her nausea and headed for the shower.

**************************************

“Oh my god, honey…” Sharon gently turned her lover to face her, trying not to add to her obvious fear and pain. “He raped you.”

“No…” Brenda looked up, hopelessness the only discernible emotion in her eyes.

“Yes,” Sharon didn’t hide her tears then. “He did. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you. I’ll kill that son of a bitch.

“Sharon, don’t please.”

“He can’t get away with this.” She started to stand, but Brenda stopped her.

“Just tell me you still love me.” 

“Of course I do, how could you think otherwise?

“Because I haven’t told you the rest of the story.”

“There’s more?”

Brenda choked back another sob. “Yes. I never planned on tellin’ you because I didn’t want you to overreact, but now I feel like I have to.”

Sharon straightened and swiped at her cheeks. “Why? Why do you have to tell me now?”

“Because… I went to the doctor today,” Brenda’s chin quivered. “I don’t know how this happened, I mean, we tried for so long…”

“You’re not…” Sharon’s heart sank.

“Yeah…somehow…I’m pregnant.”

Communication had been the least of their worries for a while now, but in that moment everything came to a screeching halt.  Each had their primary concerns—Brenda that she was about to lose everything and Sharon trying to justify how to get away with murder. Still, as their red, puffy eyes met, jade upon chestnut—the mutual respect and love they had found together superseded anything else.

“Honey, whatever you decide, I want you to remember I’m not going anywhere.

“You mean that?”

Sharon stroked a hand through her hair and pressed a chaste kiss against Brenda’s cheek.

“Without a doubt. I only wish you had told me sooner. You don’t have to be alone in anything.”

“I will if you hurt him.” Brenda tried to crack a smile.

“You forget I have friends in high places.”

“No you don’t.”

Sharon smiled in earnest. “Okay, no I don’t.  But, I do have a lot of dirt on high-ranking members of the LAPD.”

“Captain Raydor…”  Brenda feigned shock, suddenly feeling a little bit better.

“What? There has to be some advantage to working IA.” 

“Please don’t waste that on me.”

“Fine, I won’t. But, Fritz Howard has to be held accountable for what he did.”

The mood between them shifted quickly back to seriousness.

“Sharon, please.”

“Brenda, I understand you trying to blame yourself or take accountability or whatever sideways justification you might have imagined over the last three months—and no, I don’t want to see him fall back into substance abuse, but what he did to you was a crime.”

“I know…”

“Do you? Or do you think you deserve to be sexually assaulted because you chose to leave your husband?”

The younger woman’s tears returned in full force. “Just…let me decide what to do with my body before you decide his fate.”

Sharon wouldn’t argue her point over such a prolific statement.  Somehow, someway, she would make their resident FBI agent pay, but more importantly than anything else, she would stand by the one person who had made her complete.  She could only pray that their trials would end there.

To Be Continued…

Chapter Text

For all the reasons one might think, Sharon didn’t sleep a wink that night. Yet by some miracle, Brenda did for the first time in months.  As the hours ticked by, Sharon knew she would drag her feet through the following workday, but lying there simply holding the tiny blonde in her arms was worth it.  She would fight to the death for Brenda, and though she didn’t know it yet, the chance would come much quicker than she anticipated.

Hours later, just as the PAB began to come alive with officers and detectives arriving, Chief Johnson sat behind her desk, blinds drawn feeling lost and alone.  Fortunately or unfortunately, Sharon was also posted up in the murder room that day.  The timing was incredibly awful, but the investigation into Turrell Baylor’s death and the impending lawsuit would wait for no one.

The two women had done as they normally did, riding together and stopping at their favorite coffee shop along the way.  And as per usual, Sharon dropped her off a couple of blocks away to protect their cover.  But much to Sharon’s dismay, Brenda was eerily silent the entirety of the ride, and they still had yet to speak a word to each other even as the sun drew warm geometric shapes on the cold tile floors.  One by one, the Major Crimes team began to meander to their desks, begrudgingly polite and welcoming to the Captain of FID.  If their Chief could come to stand her, they’d somehow decided they could too. Sharon held back a smile as Provenza growled out a morning greeting.  It made her wonder what their reaction would be if they found out the two once sworn enemies were now lovers.  

The imagined blowback sent a chill down her spine.  Then suddenly as if God himself aimed to erase her abstraction, the one face she needed to see, but never imagined would wander across her path, turned the corner and nearly slammed into the desk she was occupying.

“Uh, Captain…” 

Instantly Sharon was on fire, but she wouldn’t let him see it, yet. With a blood-curdling chill, she greeted him. “Agent Howard.”

“Is Brenda here?” He volleyed back with the sound of pure resentment.

“Yes, why?”

“I need to see her.”

”Come with me.” 

Fritz followed as the leggy brunette shoved past him and aimed for the conference room.  The click of her heels sang of frustration and though she didn’t see it, Lieutenants Provenza, Flynn, and the rest of Brenda’s team were watching with unabated curiosity.  Sharon waved him into the room and immediately set about closing the door and pulling the chains of privacy.  When they could finally speak without an audience, she placed herself at the furthest distance she could from him.

“What do you want with her?”

“Listen, I’m not here to cause trouble…” He was immediately on the defensive.

“Good because you’ve done enough of that already.” The heat that raged within her suddenly burned on Sharon’s cheeks.

“Me? You broke up our…” He stopped himself and took a cleansing breath. “Listen, I know, just…I need to talk to her.”

Out of the blue and with lightning precision, she was suddenly in his personal space. “You don’t get that privilege anymore.” She raged through gritted teeth.

Fritz stepped back just enough to let his eyes focus. “This protective lover routine is cute, but Brenda is an adult and can make her own decisions.”

“Not after what you did to her!” Sharon’s anger bounced off the walls and she breathed heavily trying to regain control.  Nothing would be solved by making a scene.

Knowing his ghastly behavior was no longer a secret, he dropped his head and leaned both hands on the conference table, searching for something to ground him.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…” The sound was small and frail.

“Sorry? You think that absolves you of rape?”

It was his turn for control to be tested. “I never meant…” his voice cracked and he gave up before he lost the one shred of dignity he had left.

For a moment, the two of them stood there, simply staring at one another, their breaths heaving, both holding back tears for very different yet uncomfortably similar reasons.  The air was thick and neither knew what to do next, until the interior door behind them clicked open.  Fritz’s eyes snapped away from the table and she turned to see what had suddenly broken his concentration.  The sight of Brenda Leigh Johnson, curly blonde hair wild and messy, eyes swollen and red, nearly broke her. He wasn’t immune to it either, and they both froze in place.

“Please…if y’all keep yelling at each other…” Before she could finish, a cry jammed the words in her throat.

Immediately, Sharon and Fritz began to move, but the older woman scorned him with her emerald eyes.  When he froze, she rushed to her partner, holding her close before she collapsed.  His heart shattered again as he listened to the sound of Brenda’s sobs, but he would wait, forever if he had to.  Finding himself dazed and unfocused, he jumped when he heard his name.

“Fritz…”

He looked up but didn’t say a word.

“Why are you here?” Brenda abruptly sounded like herself.

“I…” There were so many words to say, so much that he needed to get off his chest, but looking upon the woman he loved in the arms of someone who loved her far more sufficiently, he got straight to the point. “I came to turn myself in.”

“What?” 

“I mean it. I came to confess. For what I did to you.” He could see the disbelief written on both of their faces. “I haven’t had a drink since that night, and I’ve thought over and over what the solution should be. I considered suicide, more drinking, so many things, but deep down I’ve always known the right thing to do. Just as with the alcohol, I have to own up to what I did.”

“You really mean that?” Sharon spoke, disbelieving as Brenda sobbed. After all the time that had passed, how was it possible that he had randomly chosen one day post her finding out?

“I swear I do.” His chin quivered. “Brenda, please…I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say, but…”

Swallowing her tears, Brenda spit out a retort. “I’m pregnant, Fritz Howard, do you hear me? I’m pregnant. You did this!”

Her words were almost unintelligible, but somehow he heard them loud and clear.  Then and there, he was even more broken. “What?”

Sharon pulled Brenda closer as her legs turned almost liquid.  

“You heard her. And while you’re processed for what you did, I hope it rings in your mind. Not only did you abuse her, you’ve forced her into an agonizing choice.”

“Choice? What do you mean?” He sounded like a petulant child.

Before Sharon could respond, Brenda stood rigid straight, gripping her lover's arms in desperation.  When the two women looked at each other, no other words were needed.  Fritz, however, already knew.

“You’re not thinking about abortion are you?” 

Sharon seethed. “You don’t get to ask questions.” 

“That’s my baby too!” 

The hot water he was neck deep in was rising fast.  Reassuring her partner, Sharon sent her back into her office and closed the door.  Again covering the distance between her and the man she would break the law for, she took hold of his arm.

“There’s no vote for a confessed sex offender. Move!” 

Parading Fritz Howard across the murder room was never something she imagined doing, but as multiple sets of eyes grazed over the two of them, Sharon felt incredibly secure in her position escorting him to Special Victims.  It was the aftermath that gave her tremendous pause.  She knew his selfishness would set Brenda back a thousand paces, spiraling further if that were at all possible.

When they arrived on the fourth floor, Sharon took too much furied joy in turning him over to the proper division of authorities.  She knew she couldn’t ethically be involved in his confession or hopeful prosecution, but would follow up with reckless abandon.  Leaving their newest inbound suspect behind, Sharon hurried back upstairs.

Ignoring the scrutinizing eyes all around the murder room, she went back to the conference room and pushed through the hidden ingress to the Chief’s office.  Upon entrance, she found exactly what she expected, Brenda collapsed on the floor in a puddle of emotions.  Tugging off her heels, Sharon joined her lover on the floor and pulled her close.

“Honey, I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I need you to remember I’m here.”

“He knows…God Sharon, he knows…”

“Doesn’t matter. Whatever you do is your decision.”

Brenda sniffled. “He’s right though, it’s his child too.”

“No,” Sharon lifted her face and locked eyes. “Okay, genetically yes, but like I told him, he has no say. He didn’t give you a choice, so why should he get one? Your body is yours.”

“I don’t know if I can do this. What would you do?” 

“You can’t base this on me.”

“I knew it. You would never abort a baby.”

“Brenda…” Sharon kissed her gently. “I’ve never been assaulted, so I can’t say what I would do.”

Rage consumed the younger woman. “Admit it! You would keep the baby, wouldn’t you?” Brenda’s voice pitched high and desperate.

“Hey!” Sharon matched her tone, then put a palm on each of her lover’s cheeks and lowered her voice. “I love my children, but don’t think for a second if Jack Raydor raped me I wouldn’t make that call.”

“Please just tell me what to do.” Brenda’s tears returned in full force.

“I can’t, but I can say this…” She kissed the blonde again. “If you choose to have this baby—I’m all in. No blame, no judgment. I love you and whatever happens, we’re in this together.”

Brenda couldn’t form another word, the torture of the situation radiated through every fiber of her body.  She couldn’t figure out how she’d ended up in such a mess. Sure, most of her life had been chaos, but this was a level too much for even her.  The only thing saving her at that moment was the endearment and warmth casting off the woman holding her.  

To Be Continued…

Chapter Text

Darkness.

Brenda Leigh was fighting it in every way she knew how.  She’d convinced herself a long time ago that she would never let any emotion overwhelm her, after all, she was stout enough to tyrannize full-grown men, how could a few chemicals in the brain be so bad? But now she felt it.

Of course, it started the moment she climbed out from beneath Fritz’s drunken flesh, angry and violated. Yet she’d been able to forge on. That is, until the nausea, the tender breasts, the first, second, and third tests from the corner drug store.  Then the official word from her gynecologist. That’s when the switch flipped.  Only slightly dimmed light suddenly went pitch black.

As her ex-husband and rapist sat in an orange jumpsuit somewhere in the California Penal System—no one wanted to tell her an exact location—Brenda, minute-by-minute was slipping further and further behind the curtain. Only one person was keeping her above water.  Though Brenda wasn’t much of a believer, she’d thanked God for her more times in the last week than in any other instance in her life.

Sharon was doing her best to be a solid foundation for her partner. Whether that was being an active ear in the whispering corners of the LAPD or simply a quiet presence on the sofa at home, still, she could see her love slowly vanishing behind the veil of depression.  Six days after Fritz Howard’s self-imposed arrest, and his being denied bond, the two women had barely been able to speak ten words to each other.

The previous few nights in the condo had been silent and hesitant, with an almost palpable air of unease between them.  Sharon because she didn’t want to push or bring about more trauma, and Brenda because she simply couldn’t reconcile what was happening. In truth, if they could only find a way to start—the dam would burst and the resulting flood would cleanse their souls.

Fortunately, after an excruciating day of work and their own subsequent recorded questioning in connection with the case against Fritz—the couple came home, open to yet unaware of the opportunity to begin the healing process.  Once again their ride from the PAB to the condo was void of any conversation or even sound other than their hearts both pounding heavily against the silence.  After stopping for the third round of Chinese food that week, they stood in opposite corners of the elevator until it landed on the eleventh floor.

As they piled inside the door, Sharon tried not to let her face show the worry she felt when Brenda once again kicked off her shoes and without so much as a sound strode off to the bedroom.  Setting the food on the kitchen counter, the older woman went to the refrigerator and pulled out her half-consumed bottle of white wine, pouring a healthy glass.  Taking a thick gulp, she set the glass on the dining room table, tugged off her own heels, and made her way down the hall.

Leaning on the doorframe, for a moment she desperately stared into the darkness. When her eyes adjusted, the tiny outline of her lover—still clothed and tucked under the covers pushed a pool of tears to her lower eyelids.  Swiftly wiping the moisture away, Sharon stepped into the room, aiming for her closet.  Pulling the chain for the light, she stood almost frozen for a second before beginning to eliminate the fibers of the day.  As the cooled air touched her skin, goosebumps rose, and Sharon imagined gorgeous deep-brown eyes wandering her body from behind.  She longed for the feeling, to have her lover back, and fresh tears rolled down her cheeks.

Slipping into her favorite white cotton nightgown, Sharon turned out the light and held a hand over her mouth as she slinked to the bathroom.  She refused to be selfish, but as strong as she was, it took all she had to hide how all of this was affecting her.  Standing and looking at herself in the mirror, Sharon tried to wipe away her sadness with the day's makeup, to no avail.  However small or self-restrained, she couldn’t help the sobs that escaped.  She wanted to murder Fritz Howard, she wanted to throw the bathroom door open and show her lover that she would make everything better, she wanted the ability to snap her fingers and make everything normal again, but as good as she was—magical powers were the one thing beyond her reach.

With the face paint gone and nothing but the inherent redness and puffiness of crying evident in her appearance, Sharon decided to push down her feelings and tuck herself next to Brenda and just be there.  To her great surprise when she pulled back the bathroom door, the bedroom was fully lit and Brenda sat upright on her side of the king-sized bed.  The sight stopped Sharon in her tracks and she did her best to widen her eyes and smile.

“Babe…” Brenda’s voice, while much smaller than usual, somehow sounded like her.

“Hi honey,” Sharon moved quickly and sat down at her partner’s side—not touching but full of longing.

“Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine. How are you?”

Brenda knew she was lying and a bolt of pain surged through her chest.  There were so many things she wanted to say to Sharon, but had no idea how.

“I don’t want to talk about me. I heard you crying in there.”

“No, I’m just…”

“Sharon…” Suddenly, Brenda’s voice and usual indignation returned forcefully. “Don’t lie to me.”

The brunette almost jumped in surprise. But she couldn’t deny being called out. “Okay…” she threw her hands up. “You caught me.”

“Tell me why?”

“Why, what?”

“You were crying. Why?”

Sharon swallowed hard and her eyes instinctively closed, dreading the truth.  Then she felt a small warm hand on her cheek and breathed out in relief. “I’m worried about you.” 

“I already knew you were going to say that.” Brenda’s voice softened again.

“I’m sorry, I can’t help it.”

“Baby, I don’t want you to. I’m so grateful that you’re still here—that you still want me here.”

“Honey…” Sharon, in genuine shock, forgot all about her uncertainty and tugged Brenda against her side. “Why wouldn’t I want you with me?”

It was Brenda’s turn to let tears fall openly from her eyes. “Because I’m tainted. Dirty.”

“Excuse me?” The older woman also vigorously regained her personality. 

“I mean…”

“You stop, right now, you hear me?” 

The blonde’s eyes flew open and up to her lover’s face. “Don’t be mad.”

Sharon tilted her head and rubbed at Brenda’s long, beautiful neck. “My love, I’m not, but I won’t let you talk yourself into fault for what your ex-husband did to you.”

“But I did…”

“No you didn’t,” Sharon cut her off quickly. “Listen to me, no matter what, nothing you did deserved assault. Do you hear me?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Look at me.”

Brenda slowly peeled her eyes from her lap, grateful when they landed on a sudden all-encompassing intimacy on her partner’s face.  

“I love you—beyond all reason and explanation. I need you to understand that my tears are because I can’t legally murder Fritz Howard without consequences,” Sharon gave her a half-smile and choked back more tears. “I want nothing more than to take your pain, to make everything better, but I know that I can’t.”

“Oh, but you do…” Brenda instantly felt a relief she’d been unknowingly searching for, and palmed her lover's cheeks. “Sharon, I need you… I love you.”

“I’m here, sweetheart.”

“What about this baby?” She dropped a hand to her barely rounded midsection.

“Your choice is my choice.”

“I've never had one.”

“What do you mean?” 

“I waited too long. I was already eleven weeks when I went to the doctor.”

Realization dawned on Sharon, but she kept her expression neutral. Though she could never reconcile making the choice her lover was faced with, and despite her love for the order of the law, she wanted to scream about the unfairness of the damned rules. Still, in this instance, she would find a way to ease the pain of the situation.

“So, what you’re saying is…” She let a wide and very natural smile claim her features. “We’re going to have a baby?”

Brenda was horrified as the words hit her ears, but with the sight before her, somehow none of her fear mattered.  She suddenly felt as if she would survive her nightmare. She wouldn’t be alone. She would have the family she once yearned for. And her face, wet with salty vehemence, morphed to match her partner’s.

“I suppose we are.”

Sharon immediately saw the change in her countenance. With a gentle touch, she laid a palm over Brenda’s on her stomach. “Our baby.”

There were still miles to go in their journey, but in that moment, Brenda somehow felt a little spark of hope.  

“I thought you were done raising children.” She tested the waters.

“Only because I never thought I’d get the chance to have one with you.”

“You mean that?” She gripped the older woman’s hand under hers.

“You have no idea how much.”

With the clouded veil of iniquity momentarily lifted, Brenda decided it was past time to speak of her need. “Sharon…” she placed a purposeful finger below her lover’s chin and locked eyes. 

“Yes?”

“Make love to me.”

“You’re sure?” Sharon, instinctively wary, looked for reassurance.

“Please…it’s been too long.”

“I would never push you, you know that, right?”

“Of course I know, but I can’t not feel you against me any longer. Can’t go without your touch, your body, I need you.”

Without a sound, but with an inherent gentility, Sharon stood and laid Brenda back across the bed.  With deft hands, she peeled her dress slacks off, discarding them across the bedroom floor, teasingly kissing at bare thighs.  Pointing aim at her top and cardigan, Sharon pressed her nose to the simple white cotton panties on the way up, inhaling deeply.  The staggering scent of arousal sent a wave of fluid gushing between Sharon’s own legs.  Continuing her motion, she skillfully tossed away the remaining garments and quickly joined her lover on the bed.

“You’re beautiful, you know that?”

Brenda mewled involuntarily. “Show me.”

And the tourney was afoot.  Forcing away the inclination to rip the panties off Brenda, Sharon slid them down her legs and tossed them away.  As soon as the fabric was vacated, she pressed her face against slick folds, lapping and urgently tasting the warm skin she’d missed.  Maybe it was the absence or perhaps it was the pregnancy, but Brenda could not stop the piercing cries that fell from her lips.  When Sharon nibbled on her clit, it was all she could do to hold on to the mattress.

“Oh! Fu…don’t stop!” 

Hands manipulating, tongue dancing, Sharon reveled in the song of satisfaction bouncing off the walls.  Aiming to hear the ultimate recapitulation, she pressed one finger inside Brenda’s warm, slick, pliant channel. And just like that, she was rewarded with a zealous grip and a wail of optimum pleasure.  

After a juncture of pure joy, Brenda somehow managed to peel herself from the bed, determined to turn the tables.  Her limbs were pleasingly weak, but her determination was back. And when there was something she wanted, she would have it.  Right then, it was the flavor and fancy of Sharon Raydor.

It wasn’t long before the brunette was howling matching cries of delectation.  After her want was satiated, Brenda discovered a strength that just a few days prior, she had assumed was lost.  Tiptoeing off to the bathroom, she grabbed supplies and returned to lovingly clean her lover and herself.  Once handled, the two women snuggled tight together under the thick down comforter, grateful and blessed to be on the same wavelength again. And with a quickness, they were relaxed and sound asleep. 

But unbeknownst to them, the peace was not to last.

At some unknown hour of the morning, Brenda woke to intense pain.  In her sleep-induced haze, she shifted away from Sharon, trying in earnest not to wake her.  Then suddenly agony, the likes of which she’d never felt, curled her petite body into a ball.  

When the savage cramp let up, she reached for her phone on the nightstand.  Letting her face act as the code, Brenda started to absently scroll through her notifications to distract herself, but then the spasm returned worse than before, and she felt something between her legs.

Activating the device's flashlight, she pulled back the covers and illuminated the surface beneath her. To her horror, a pool of blood stained the mattress. After all the ups and downs, and newfound security, the sight thrust a shrill scream from her chest that made her throat raw.

Sharon bolted straight up from the bed, disoriented and confused, yet she immediately had laser focus on Brenda.

“Honey…”

“Sharon, I’m bleeding.”

Looking down with tired eyes, she fought to focus beyond the blazing LED light. Spotting the bright red puddle staining the sheets, Sharon automatically reached for her phone and dialed 911.

Brenda wanted to protest, longed to believe she was in a dream, but it was not to be.  Time slowed for her then, as if she was surveying her own existence on a screen.  And before she knew it, hands were manipulating her body. There were no faces, no warmth, no names.

The darkness was back, and a cruel mistress to boot. 

Maybe she was getting what she deserved.

Chapter Text

It was quiet by which they had been tied down. 

Until they finally found a way to speak.

Then just as solace covered them in its warmth, the screaming began. 

Even in the tranquil, disinfected hospital Sharon could still hear Brenda’s screams of anguish and the shrill reverberation of the sirens as they flew over LA surface streets in the back of an ambulance.  Sitting alone in the dimly lit space, she tried to shake the clamor, but waiting only made the memories more prevalent.  

Thankfully the staff took pity on her in the face of her partner being in surgery.  She had only taken a few precious seconds as they waited for medics to throw on her robe and slippers. While Brenda was being rushed between the ER and the OR, the wonderful nurses on the obstetrics floor tucked Sharon into a room, making sure she was comfortable.  But beyond being leaned back in a recliner and covered in warm blankets—she felt as though ice ran through her veins.

She couldn’t help the anger that festered in her chest.  She longed to go to confession, to absolve herself of the savage notions bouncing around in her brain.  Jack Raydor had never incited such fire in her, despite decades of resentment and disdain. Fritz Howard should be thankful to be locked up.  

Just as Sharon was about to throw her feet to the floor, to pace off the chaos rapidly growing within her, a small knock came at the door.  Before she could answer, one of the nurses stuck her head barely inside.

“Ms. Raydor?”

“Yes?”

“I didn’t wake you, did I?” The beautiful young dark-skinned woman eased her way in, promptly closing the door behind her with the hand that wasn’t full.

“No, no,” Sharon sat up. “And please, call me Sharon.”

“Okay, Sharon,” she handed over the items she held. “I had an extra pair of scrubs in my locker. They’ll be a little big on you, but I thought they’d suffice if you wanted to get out of your night clothes. The real thing is better than those disposable ones we use.”

“Thank you.”

“There are some hospital socks there too. Sorry, I couldn’t come up with shoes.”

Sharon genuinely smiled in disbelief at the authenticity and sweetness of this practical stranger. “Don’t apologize, please. I’m grateful.”

“By the way, Ms. Johnson is out of surgery.” She returned the smile and sat down on the chair next to the older woman.

Her heart beating wildly, Sharon pressed to the edge of her seat. “How is she?”

The smile suddenly fell away from the nurse's face. “She’s in recovery now and is responding well to treatment.”

“And the baby?”

“The Doctor will be down to speak with you shortly.”

“She miscarried, didn’t she?”

“I’m sorry.”

Sharon couldn’t yet reason with the why, but tears welled up in her eyes.  The nurse instinctively pulled a tissue from her pocket and handed it over gently.  For a while, the two of them sat in silence.  There was no way the young woman could have known all the circumstances that led to the moment she was witnessing—and still she stayed. Knowing that there were plenty of actual patients who needed her skills, Sharon was beholden, and that thought temporarily pulled her out of the nightmare.

“What’s your name?”

“Serenity, but everyone calls me Ren.”

“Well that explains it,” Sharon wiped her eyes. “I appreciate you, more than you know.”

“It’s no problem,” Ren stood up. “I should go, but just hit the call button if you need something.”

“I will. Thank you again, Ren.”

“You’re welcome. And hey…I’ll be praying for both of you.”

Sharon shook her head and watched as the nurse disappeared beyond the door.  Over all the pain of the situation, Serenity reminded her that God was still somehow on her side.  Once again alone, she changed into the impossibly soft lavender-scented scrubs and grippy socks.  Not necessarily the ideal ensemble, but much more comfortable and warm nonetheless.

Having no idea of the passage of time, Sharon was at the point of twiddling her thumbs when the door to the room opened again.  In the next instance, she was standing over the love of her life, watching her chest rise and fall in a steady rhythm.  The silence was cut with the machines hooked up to Brenda, but the sound of her heart beating was sweeter than ever.  

For a long while, she gripped one of the blonde’s tiny hands, every once in a while, reaching out to stroke her cheek.  Just as her legs began to shake, the door opened again and Sharon found herself looking up at an incredibly tall red-haired woman.

“You must be Sharon. I’m Dr. Warrington.” She whispered.

The two women shook hands and Sharon followed as the doctor invited her to sit and join her.

“Are you doing okay?”

“I’m fine. Just please tell me she’s alright.” Sharon didn’t hide the pleading in her tired jade eyes.

The doctor completely understood and reached out a hand of comfort. “First let me say, she is going to be fine physically, but we weren’t able to save the fetus.”

“What happened?”

“The pregnancy was ectopic, do you know what that means?”

Sharon’s chin quivered. “The baby was never going to survive.” 

“Exactly.”

The tears Sharon had been holding back suddenly broke free and she nodded her understanding and acknowledgment, urging the doctor to continue.

“Because of her preexisting conditions, her left fallopian tube was partially blocked by endometrial tissue, and the embryo got hung up there, implanted, and began to develop.”

“So why the surgery?”

“At the stage of pregnancy she was in, the baby was growing rapidly, but that tissue is not designed to expand like the uterus is. She was in so much pain because the tube ruptured and she was bleeding into her abdomen.”

“Oh my God.”

“Fortunately, you got her here in time, and we were able to stop the bleeding. I had to remove that tube, but thankfully the other one is still functioning and her uterus appears incredibly healthy.  PCOS often severely impairs both ovaries, but the one she’s left with has no cysts or lesions, so another pregnancy is absolutely possible.”

All at once, thousands of erroneous thoughts ran through Sharon’s mind. Shaking herself, she wiped the moisture from her cheeks and squared her shoulders.

“Where do we go from here?”

The doctor recognized her struggle and her need to be strong for her partner.  Bringing her free hand to wrap around one of Sharon’s she was already holding, the redhead reassured her.

“I’m going to keep her for at least a couple of days.  I’ve lightened her sedation, but because of the extent of the damage and the incisions, I’m keeping her slightly under so her body can heal and her hormones can begin to rebalance. She’ll be given some medications to ease the transition and should be awake and alert by tomorrow evening.”

Sharon commiserated. “I’ve lost a pregnancy. I remember how hard that sudden change was.”

“I hate that you had to go through that, but your experience will only help you care for her.”

“And after she wakes up?” 

“Most importantly, just be here. I’m sure you know, she’s going to need your attention and the comfort that only you can provide.”

“I’m all in.”

“Good. She’s blessed to have someone who understands and so clearly loves her.” 

A grin widened Sharon's lips as more tears left tracks on her cheeks. “Am I that transparent?”

“In this case, it’s not at all a bad thing.” The doctor smiled back. “I’ll leave you to it, but I’ll be back in a few hours to check on you both.”

“Thank you, Dr. Warrington.” Sharon gripped the woman’s hands a little tighter in hers. “Seriously, thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.”

Standing and heading for the door, the redhead turned back briefly. “I’m so sorry about the baby.”

Without a sound, Sharon mouthed a thank you, but quickly held a palm to her lips to stifle the uncontrollable cry that bubbled up from her chest.  As if she and Brenda Leigh hadn’t been through enough—the lows and lower, just as they began to rebound, life serves them a healthy dose of derision.

For hours unknown Sharon sat at Brenda's side, almost as if she would disappear if she looked away.  As the sun came up and even through shift change, the nurses and staff were incredibly attentive and made sure she was okay right alongside her lover.  Much to her chagrin, as the birds began to chirp outside the window, Sharon had to make the call she dreaded more than anything in the world.

Once the deed was done, she stepped away long enough to pad down to the cafeteria in her scrubs and bright yellow socks. Swiftly grabbing coffee and a small fruit cup, she made her way back to the room.  Pushing inside, Sharon found her call had worked much quicker than she was ready to face.  Sitting in the matching chair to the one she’d occupied all night was Chief Pope.

“Captain Raydor.” He stood and she waved him down.

“Chief, you didn’t have to rush over.”

“I know, but,” he cleared his throat. “I wanted to make sure Bre…Chief Johnson was okay.”

“She will be…with time.”

“She’ll have that time, I assure you. But…” he awkwardly coughed again. “I must say I was surprised to find out about this from you.”

Sharon had to fight the urge to roll her eyes. “I assumed you would be.”

“So, you plan on telling me what’s going on, or do I have to interrogate you?”

“I definitely intended this to be a confession, not an interrogation.”

“Now I’m scared.” He tried to smile and it came out wrong.

“I would say don’t be, but I’m pretty jumpy myself.”

“How about this? Let’s just start from the beginning.”

Sharon sucked in a ragged breath. “I’m assuming you know what happened between Brenda and Agent Howard?”

“You mean the assault?” His face morphed with despondency.

“Yes.”

“She only told me after that asshole turned himself in.”

“I’m glad you agree with me on something.”

“I kinda want to kill him myself.”

“Me too, anyway…” Sharon sat forward. “He got her pregnant.”

“Oh God…”

”Last night she woke up bleeding and screaming in pain.”

“What happened?”

“More than you probably want to know, but suffice it to say, she lost the baby.”

“Damn…” Will had no idea how to feel, but he at least tried to be sincere. 

“She needed surgery and she’s going to be off her feet for a while, so I wanted you to be able to plan for that.”

“Does anyone else in her division know?”

“No, I called you first, and I won’t assume how she wants to handle anything beyond you and me speaking.”

“Well, I appreciate you informing me, but I’m confused about something…”

“What?”

“Are you friends now? I don’t mean to be indelicate, but with the history between you two…”

“I get it, Chief. Thus the reason I called you. There is more to this story than you’ve yet been alerted to.”

He almost choked. “Say what?”

“Besides their struggling marriage, Brenda divorced Fritz because of me.”

“How…how do you mean?”

Sharon wanted to scream, but forced herself to remain steady. “Chief Johnson and I are together.”

“As in, in a relationship, together?”

“Yes, Chief. It started a long time ago, but ultimately I was the reason she left her husband. And now we live together.”

The faint buzz of anxiety that bounced around the room suddenly crackled like electricity between them.

“And you’re just now telling me this?” His bald head reddened.

“I know it’s not ideal…”

“Not ideal?” He longed to raise his voice, but instead whispered his outrage in light of their environment. “No, this is crazy. Now I’ve got to justify two of my department heads being on leave at the same time. I’m gonna have to field a million questions from both of your teams, are you kidding me?”

“Chief, I’m sorry, but this is where we are now. There’s nothing I can do to take it back and frankly, I don’t care what is said. My only concern is her.” She pointed forcefully toward Brenda.

Will rubbed frustratedly at his temples. “How long is she going to need?”

“It’s too early to tell, but I can promise you this—once I have her home and settled, I will be back to work.”

“Captain…Sharon,” he took a deep breath. “As confused as I am, I’m not an unfeeling man. I know her recovery is going to take time, so don’t rush. We have lots of capable officers and detectives. We’ll manage.”

“I appreciate your saying that.”

“Listen, no matter what’s been said around the office, I do care about all of you.”

“I know you have history with her too.”

He nearly choked. “Yes, I do. The bottom line is she’s been raped, now she’s lost a baby, and I know Brenda—she’s going to be a hardhead when she’s on her feet again. So I know you’ve got your work cut out for you.”

“I do, but I love her. What can I say?”

The Chief stood. “Believe me, I know the feeling. Don’t worry about work, just take care of her, will you?”

“Of course.”

As he moved for the door, Sharon let the sudden rush of relief she felt show in her posture. Reaching for the door handle, Will looked back before he broke their privacy.

“I’m glad she’s not alone in this,” He let sympathy pass over his features. “And I’m sorry about the baby. No matter the circumstances, she always wanted her own, and I have a feeling you were ready to leap with her.”

“I was.” Heat rose in Sharon’s face.

“Then take all the time you need.”

“Thank you, Chief.”

Will nodded and exited quickly.  Left in his wake, Sharon looked back over to the bed, amazement carved on her face.  She reached out again and entwined her fingers with Brenda’s, using the other hand to stroke her cheek.

“You really have no idea how much people love you.”

Chapter Text

The disheartening part about life on a planet with over seven million inhabitants, is that every individual big or small moves about with their own unique set of problems.  For Brenda and Sharon, those issues amounted to finding a way to heal and preparing for the looks that were sure to come now that their relationship was public knowledge around the LAPD.  For Fritz Howard, having no idea of anything outside the gray walls of a prison, or his own head, his worries centered around his ex-wife and the crime he’d committed against her.

Sharon had finally gone back to work, at Brenda’s staunch insistence, the moment she’d healed enough from her emergency surgery to get around the condo by herself.  For each of them, spending so much time apart was a test they hadn’t initially been ready for, but that eventually made the end of every workday a thousand times sweeter.  So much so that after several visits to the confessional, face-to-face counseling with Father Stan, and many nights of internal chaos, Sharon finally served Jack Raydor with divorce papers.   Brenda Leigh Johnson was her destiny and she would do everything in her power to prove it.

Learning to live with the memories of what her ex had done was Brenda’s only focus, at least for a while.  When cabin fever began to set in, she drove her lover crazy asking questions about the ongoing investigation into Turrell Baylor’s death.  It didn’t surprise her that Sharon was so tight-lipped, especially after uncovering the apparent leak in the division. But, instead of blowing the one good thing she felt she had to hold on to, Brenda somehow managed to cultivate a sense of restraint because she knew her partner would never do anything to hurt her. It was a first in her life.

For the former Agent Howard—he’d promptly been dismissed by the FBI post his very public arrest—he’d spent the last five months trying to figure out how to fix his monumental mistake. Voluntarily giving up his freedom was only a first step. There was no denying he was the one at fault. Unfortunately, all he got in return was a jumpsuit, an ugly felon for a roommate, three hots, and a cot—more than he probably deserved.

Now, sitting despondent, shackled to a chair in an interrogation room where he used to work side-by-side with his wife, fucking hurt.  He’d spent what felt like an eternity trying to conjure what life might be like for Brenda.  Did Sharon Raydor actually make her happy? Was she glowing and round with pregnancy? How many cases had she solved?  Selfishly to save his sanity, he never considered too far beyond the possible positives. Except for the indiscriminate notion that she just might hate him. She had every right, didn’t she? As he began to lose himself in the memories of her soft skin and sweet southern accent, the door in front of him opened forcefully. Thankfully his lawyer, Douglas Sanger, was next to him.

“Mr. Sanger, Mr. Howard…” Andrea tried and failed to keep the sound of disdain and nausea out of her voice.

The attorney was smug. “DDA Hobbs.”

“Andre…uhh…DDA Hobbs.” Fritz corrected himself quickly when he saw the fire in her eyes.

She knew she should focus on anyone but Fritz, but she couldn’t help herself. “The District Attorney’s office wants to throw the book at you, but there are certain people and items of human decency to protect.”

“How kind of you.” Sarcasm dripped from Sanger.

Fritz tried to accentuate his words with his hands, but before he could, the chains on his wrists humbled him. His face fell and he wanted to hide, but there was no hope of that. “So what does that mean?”

“It means we have a deal to offer you.” She spat the words at him.

“Oh, this ought to be good.”

“Let's just hear her out.” Fritz tried to save face.

“Listen, Howard, you should be grateful you haven’t…” Andrea stopped herself before a statement she couldn’t take back was recorded for all eternity. Taking a deep breath, she started over. “Charges are sexual assault with penetration and assault on a police officer. The death penalty is off the table, but you’ll receive 30 years for the former and 15 years for the latter, to be served concurrently. Eligible for parole after 20.”

“So I could maybe get out when I’m in my sixties?” Mockery exited his mouth uncontrollably.

Now his legal counsel was trying to save them both. “Fritz!”

Andrea slammed her portfolio on the table in front of her closed. “Take it or leave it, pal. It could have been lethal injection.”

“Ms. Hobbs!”

“Oh, stop it, Douglas…you know…“

Before the two unchained people in the room could come to blows, Chief Pope and Commander Taylor who’d been watching from Electronics, bounded through the door. It was almost comedic watching them trip all over each other, but when they settled, Taylor acquiesced to Pope.

“Andrea, the LAPD wants this over with as quickly as possible, so let's everyone cool off, and let Fri…Mr. Howard and his attorney decide what they want to do.”

“Fine.” Andrea stood, pushing her chair back forcefully.

Pope stepped out of her way, then turned back to the room, nodding for Taylor to leave as he did so. “You two, talk amongst yourselves—we’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Out in the hall, Andrea paced while Taylor stood stock still, puzzlement twisting his face.

“I’m pissed off too, but we cannot let this get out of control.” Pope rubbed at his temples.

“I’m sorry, Will, but…”

The conversation stopped completely when a familiar southern drawl beckoned from behind them all.

“I appreciate y’all trying to protect me, but you know I don’t need it.”

The three of them turned, shocked to see Brenda Leigh, looking like nothing had ever happened to her.  She’d not set foot inside the PAB since her surgery, but of course, she chose today of all days to reappear.

“Chief!” Taylor was the first to find his voice.

“Good to see you, Commander. Will, Andrea…” 

“Brenda…” Andrea stepped squarely in front of her. “What are you doing here?”

“I work here. And today’s the day my rapist gets his punishment. You really think I’d miss that?”

Will cringed at her words. “Brenda…”

“Don’t patronize me,” She held her hands out pointedly. “I’ve been hiding for too long. You can’t deny me this.”

“Okay, you can see his decision from electronics.”

“Absolutely not. I’m going to talk to him.”

“But…” Taylor tried to cut her off before his cohorts could fly into a tirade.

“I know none of you can understand this, but I need to look him in the eye before he’s locked away indefinitely.” Brenda sucked in a ragged breath. “I’m tellin’ you. Just please trust me on this.”

Will cleared his throat. “Fine, but his attorney remains present. And…” he stepped into her space. “We’ll be right out here if you need us.”

“Fine.”

All three of her coworkers and friends were tied in knots as she breached the entrance to the room. But knowing her as they did, they remained still.  When the door closed behind her, Andrea spoke first.

“I’m calling Sharon.”

Pope folded his hands in front of him. “You do that. I’m staying here.”

Taylor slid between both of them. “I’ll be in Electronics.”

Resolute in her need to confront her ex-husband, Brenda fought hard to maintain a neutral expression, yet as the door clicked, her entire body was shaking. The look on Fritz’s face showed he was in no better shape.

“Brenda…” his voice cracked.

She stood for a second, never breaking eye contact.  He looked her up and down, his heart sinking to his feet to see she clearly wasn’t carrying his child.

“How are you?” 

The question sent an immediate wave of redness up her chest that landed bright and heavy on her cheeks. 

“You don’t get to ask questions,” she laid her palms on the table in front of her, lowering her face to his. “I only came here to clear some things up.”

He knew he deserved her ire, so he sat back, preparing for anything.

“First and foremost, you need to know that nothing you did to me will stop me from living my life. I accept that I hurt you when I left you for Sharon, but two wrongs don’t make a right.”

Shaking his head, he remained silent.

“Secondly, I saw you looking to see if I was still pregnant.” She had to force back tears for this one. “And clearly the answer is no.”

“Brenda, you didn’t…”

She picked up her hands, slamming them down on the stainless surface. “No! I didn’t! But my body did, and as much as it hurt, I’m grateful—because otherwise I’d have spent the rest of my life raisin’ your bastard child!”

A sob broke forth from his chest and he didn’t hide his shame.  Brenda’s breath heaved uncontrollably, but she’d rather look crazy than cry in front of him.  All the months she spent away from her beloved job, all the time she’d fought against her mandated therapist, and all the ways she’d tried to push Sharon away—she now had control of her feelings and her agony.  Over anything and everything Fritz Howard had done to her, and the mistakes she’d made with him too, he wouldn’t be the one to defeat her.  

“Go ahead and cry. I’ve sure done enough of that myself.”

“Brenda…” his voice was fully broken and pitiful. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry ain't gonna cut it, buddy,” she stood vigorously. “Now take your punishment like a man.”

And with that, she turned on her heels, and he was left to weep all over his orange coveralls.  Before the door could close behind her, Andrea stepped back inside.

“So what’s it going to be?”

Fritz sniffled and never looked up. “I’ll take the deal.”

Out in the hall, Brenda pressed her back against the wall, but before she could imagine any sort of relief, Sharon appeared like an answer to a prayer.  Pope followed closely behind her.

“Honey…” 

“I’m okay…” The blonde stared straight ahead at nothing and everything.

“Come here.” 

Brenda hesitated for a second, feeling as though she would shatter any second.  She pulled in an uneven gulp of oxygen and pushed away from the wall. The instant she was upright, Sharon clutched her in a tight embrace, tucking blonde curls beneath her chin.  When the warmth and familiar scent of her lover invaded Brenda’s senses, the floodgates opened.

They’d made so much progress over the last few months that Sharon immediately worried all of this was a setback. Until Brenda pulled back slowly and looked up, her russet colored eyes glassy but full of strength and hope.

“It’s over…” 

“Yes,” Sharon lovingly tucked her hair behind her ears. “It’s over, my love.”

Chapter Text

Special Agent Fritz Howard and his especially heinous acts of violence hadn’t stopped either Sharon or Brenda from cultivating a life out of the heaps of darkness he’d thrust upon them.  In truth, the shining light was spending their days forging a path that no man could ever put asunder.  After he’d taken his deal and finally been barred from the privileges of freedom, Brenda Leigh felt as though she could take a shallow breath. That is, until a short, snarky asshole ambulance-chasing attorney, began pushing her buttons. To make matters worse he had an upper hand thanks to an unknown informant from her own team that forced Sharon to dig even harder into exactly how and why a homicidal gang-banger ended up dead.

Sharon loathed being pushed by her title into exhuming every detail of the case.  In another life, Brenda would have hated her for it, and maybe the professional part of her still did, but every night the younger woman made sure to reassure her of the contrary.  None of it was fair to either of them, yet, with both as hardheaded as they naturally were, they wouldn’t let the system dictate their relationship.

Sadly, even months after saying her final word to her ex and moving back into the thick of police work, Brenda was still suffering the aftermath.  Though they’d lost count a while ago, neither she nor Sharon had slept through the night in a long time.  Night terrors plagued her, and despite medications, holistic therapy, and a bunch of old wives’ tales—she couldn’t control her psyche’s need to wake her with her own screams.  Brenda thought she understood and could rationalize her way beyond the reason why her body was constantly warring against her. But first she’d have to stomach a truth that may be far too real, even for her.

Finally catching a case, initially of a critical missing, Brenda tried her hardest to push on as if nothing besides her daily routine was happening. Then there was Sharon, as organized and stalwart as ever, to pop her imaginary bubble.  Forcing her to watch the video of Turrell Baylor’s immunity confession, the two women almost came to metaphorical blows.  When the missing boy ended up murdered, Brenda managed to slip her lover’s grip, at least for a short time.  

Unfortunately, with Lieutenant Tao’s position as incident commander and his marginal connection to the case, Brenda’s excuses were limited.  Once Major Crimes had their needed confession, said justification flew out the window.  Sharon felt almost desperate to save the woman she loved, even if she didn’t want to listen, so at her wits’ end she took drastic measures.  Only just short of calling Chief Pope to order Chief Johnson to have her subordinates finish the mundane paperwork—Captain Raydor took both women on a little field trip.

“Do you recognize this place?

Brenda’s breath hung in her throat. “Turell Baylor's house…“

“Where you delivered him unprotected the day he died?”

“This is where Turell said he wanted to go.”

“That may get us out of criminal court...but it may not work in your favor in front of a jury of civilians. Come with me, please.” 

Sharon didn’t want to move from the spot where she stood, yet she forced her body and mind to just get things over with. Brenda hesitantly followed, already knowing this was but a small bit of the punishment she was due to receive.

“So let's walk through it. After you dropped Turell off, leaving him on his own—he ran into his house, locked the door, then tried escaping through his backyard. But he didn't get very far. See?”

Without looking back to see what she already knew was horror in Brenda’s eyes, Sharon stopped just short and pointed at the ghastly remains of a clearly bloody scene.

“He broke free and tried to run, but he was caught over here, and they dragged him across this driveway to this wall where his head was smashed repeatedly until he was dead. You say that your responsibility ended the moment Turell left your custody, and the Warren Rule frees you from criminal liability. But in a civil trial, the jury may very well decide that you behaved with a callous disregard for the suspect's life. And if the city attorney starts to think that he's losing this case…”

Brenda interrupted. “He could settle?”

“Yes. He could settle and leave you to take the blame, and you will be on your own.” Sharon at last turned, her heart breaking at the sight of her partner’s trepidation.

“So, what should I do?” Brown eyes dropped to the blood-stained surface beneath her.

“For your own sake, get your own attorney.”

Though she had heard those same words a hundred times over in the last few months, something about processing them while looking at Sharon next to the remnants of the outright killing shattered Brenda’s delicate hold on reality.  In an instant that would shake both women, Brenda collapsed to the unforgiving concrete.  Sharon tried to catch her, but the stilettos on her feet hindered her effort.

Physical pain no longer mattered to the younger woman, as her soul was once again in pieces.  For months and months her existence had been hanging on by a thread and being forced to come to terms with what she had once deemed justified was almost more excruciating than the sexual assault she’d endured.  Her mind ran with a plethora of excuses and drastic ways to end her suffering, but the words came out as nothing but cacophonous reverberant wails of destitution.

Scraping her knees on the way down, Sharon didn’t care about anything but holding onto her love.  She hated herself for having to take such rigorous methods to wake Brenda up, and she certainly never aimed to bring her to absolute disintegration.  The two women stayed there, ignoring the contaminated surface they sat upon, until Brenda managed to collect herself.  As they usually did in times of adversity, with silence and unspoken reverence, they collected themselves and slowly piled back into Sharon’s cruiser.  

There was no way in hell Sharon would take Brenda back to the PAB, and regardless of Brenda’s profuse protest, they drove directly to the condo.  For far longer than Sharon would have liked, she was left alone in silence while Brenda showered and once again tucked herself beneath the covers.  Occupying herself making calls to Chief Pope and her team, she decided when she finished to cleanse herself before further opening the chasm with her partner.

Stepping out of the bathroom in her robe, rubbing a towel back and forth over her damp feathered auburn locks, Sharon let her eyes acclimate to the dimness from the scant daylight filtering through the sheer panels over the windows.  Instinctively she could tell Brenda was still awake, but she decided to tread lightly in consideration of all that had occurred.  When she pulled back the covers and eased her way onto the bed, Brenda flinched and Sharon’s heart clenched.

“I’m sorry…” 

There was a moment of quiet that lasted a bit too long, but before her lover could say anything else, Brenda flipped over and locked their eyes together.

“Don’t…” the blonde reached out and took one of Sharon’s hands. “You’re not the one who should be apologizing.”

Scooting closer, Sharon held on and used her free hand to stroke her cheek. “I really should…”

“No, you were right.” Brenda gulped for the oxygen in the room. “I won’t say anything else about work because we promised each other we wouldn’t go there at home. However, I can admit when I’ve been beaten.”

“It has never been about win or lose, honey.”

“I know you’re always trying to protect me, but you have a job to do. And even I know when you’ve got me dead to rights.”

“Brenda…” Sharon tugged gently at her chin to bring their eyes together. “I just want you to come out of this unscathed.”

“I understand that, but let me tell you something…” Brenda squeezed her eyes closed and let fresh tears fall. “I was a different person before Fritz did what he did.”

“How so?”

“You’ve always been right about me, Sharon. I put the job first, I sometimes blur the lines of right and wrong to put evil people in their place, but never once have I stopped to consider the implications.”

“I never said that, Brenda Leigh.”

“Sure you did. Before all of this…” She gestured wildly in a circle to nothing and everything. “In the way you used to question every decision I made. In the way you used to thumb through every report I’d ever written. The way you took me to that horrible place today…”

“I won’t fall into this trap, Brenda.”

“But it’s the truth isn’t it?”

Sharon pinched Brenda’s chin between her thumb and fingers, trying hard not to shake her back to reality. 

“The only thing I’ve ever done is my job… as much as I fucking hate it.”

The expletive and the firm grip on her face shocked Brenda, but she said nothing. Until uncontainable sobs burst forth from her chest again.  She knew with every fiber of her being that Sharon Raydor would never purposefully hurt her—but always being the one to bring her to the point of reason beyond all denial stung just as much.

“My love…” Sharon pecked her salty lips, paying no mind to her avoidance. “Open your eyes, look at me, and tell me you really believe that I would ever harm you.”

Regardless of the overwhelming feelings surging through her, Brenda caught her breath and did as requested.  When she glanced up and as usual caught all the warmth and yearning casting off of Sharon—she sniffed and swallowed her tears.

“Baby…”

“You don’t have to say anything, I already know.”

“I don’t think you do.”

Sharon tucked a palm against her cheek. “Then tell me.”

“First, I’m sorry.” Brenda hiccuped, but held up a hand to stop the protest she knew was coming. “I know you wouldn’t hurt me on purpose.”

“I’m glad.”

“Secondly, I’m going to find a lawyer.”

“Okay…”

“But there is something I need more than anything.”

“Name it, honey.”

“You should hear what I have to say before you agree so readily.”

Something about hearing that statement from Brenda Leigh Johnson sent a chill up Sharon’s spine, yet still she would listen without hesitation.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, but is that supposed to shock me?”

Brenda almost cracked a smile. “No, but…” she let her eyes drop to the mattress.

“Don’t shy away from me now, Brenda Leigh.”

Taking a cleansing breath, the blonde continued. “I should be asking you to marry me, to be my forever, officially and on paper, but I don’t need that with you.”

Suddenly Sharon’s heart was racing. She knew she wanted to be with Brenda forever, but the subject had never come up. Confusion twisted her features, and regardless of trying, she couldn’t form a word.

“Don’t panic, please.”

“Okay…”

“We’ve both tried marriage and how did that work out for us?”

“Not great.” Sharon exhaled involuntarily.

“I wouldn’t think to speak for you, but I know in my heart I don’t need a piece of paper to tell me what you mean to me.”

“So what do you need?”

“Please don’t think I’m crazy.”

Chuckling lightly, Sharon added her second palm to Brenda’s opposite cheek. “I don’t have to think—I already knew that.”

“Haha.” Brenda managed a grin. “I’m serious.”

“My apologies. Continue.”

“I want to have a baby.” Her eyes fell again. “Not just any baby…your baby.”

“Wait, what?”

“See? I knew you would think I’d gone bonkers.”

“No, no…honey…” Sharon lifted her gaze again. “You’re really serious?”

“I am.” Fresh tears streamed from Brenda’s eyes. 

“I’m not doubting you, but may I ask what brought this on? I was under the assumption you’d only resigned yourself after pregnancy was forced upon you.”

”I told you Fritz and I had tried for a long time…and of course I actually got pregnant after he…” she choked on the words.

“You don’t have to say it, love.”

Brenda swallowed back her disgust. “After all that…it dawned on me that I truly do want a child of my own.”

“I can understand that. It is one of the best things I ever did—no matter the jerk I had those children with.”

“See, I think that was my hang-up. It was clearly never meant for me and Fritz Howard to have a child.”

“God has a way of proving those things.”

“I’m beginning to believe that.” Brenda locked her eyes on Sharon’s. “But with you…”

“If it were only possible…” 

“Oh, but it is…” Brenda smiled brightly. “Perhaps not in the traditional way, but if you're willing…”

“Anything that brings that shine to your face, I’m all for it.”

“Really?”

“I want you, I love you, and I would do anything for you.  If there’s a way, we’ll find it.”

“Oh, babe…”

“Tell me what we need to do.”

“You’re sure?”

“Brenda Leigh!”

“Okay, okay…” the younger woman laughed at her partner’s loving aggravation. “Dr. Warrington said that by some miracle, after everything I went through, I’m in prime condition to carry a pregnancy to term.”

“And?”

“And, if you’re willing to have eggs harvested and we can find a male donor that suits us, I can carry your child.”

“You asked all these questions?”

Brenda understood her surprise. “I did. Don’t be upset with me. At my last follow-up appointment, something sparked—and when I finally admitted to someone what had been on my mind—the nightmares got better.”

Sharon couldn’t help the smile that widened her cheeks. “Well, if that’s what did the trick, how could I possibly say no?”

“Don’t joke with me, baby.”

“I’m not, not at all.”

“So you’re really up for this?”

“Honey, there is nothing more wonderful I can imagine than you full and round with my child.”

“You’ll really still want me if I get fat?” 

“Stop it.”

For the first time in a while, the two women laughed in earnest together.  Among the trauma and tragedy they had endured, hope and love were still the most prevalent qualities of their relationship.  Sure there were plenty of obstacles that could inhibit their progress, but at that point, they knew, no matter what, they would face it together.

Chapter Text

Sharon sat stock still letting her mind wander over how she’d gotten to the place she was in at the moment.  The last few weeks had been an exploration in breaking barriers and now the most important and difficult was about to be breached.  After Brenda Leigh had professed her longing for a child, and she’d agreed, the older of the pair found herself in panic mode.

She loved Brenda more than she ever expected to, but this decision was one that required letting more than just their coworkers be aware of their relationship.  Starting with her parents, Sharon came out firmly and directly as a good Captain would. Little did she know the chaos that would ensue.  Brenda attempted to match her partner’s effort, but Willie Rae and Clay could only laugh and tell her it was a phase. Right then and there, she vowed to show them rather than tell them.

The O’Dwyers eventually caved to their daughter’s confession, both praying and confessing in the process.  Then Sharon moved on to her children.  Fortunately, despite one half of their parentage, she’d raised them right, and simply hearing the joy and happiness in her voice, both Ricky and Emily agreed that whatever and whomever made their mother happy was okay with them. Sadly, stressed and stretched thin—for the time being, she left out the fact that she and Brenda were going to try for a baby. Why? Because what’s the sense of drama when it might not be necessary, right?

But now, ensconced in the sterile gray walls of Dr. Warrington’s office, things were becoming all too real.  Among all the breaking of news and opening their families to their love, Brenda forged ahead, serious as a heart attack when it came to what she wanted.  Both Sharon and the tall red-headed doctor had thoroughly questioned her about why she wanted to carry a baby that belonged to Sharon and a donor rather than birth her own child.

Therapy had taught her a ton about being honest with herself, and the second she told the OBGYN that she wanted the experience of giving birth, yet ending up with a child as perfect as Sharon Raydor, there were no more questions.  Sharon had done her best to remind Brenda that there was nothing perfect about her, that she had her own children, and Brenda should have someone of her own who shared her DNA.

But the blonde would have none of it.  She wanted to carry and give life to a child that held the features of the person she needed and adored more than anyone in the world. Sharon tried to argue, but ultimately gave up, unable to ignore the love and admiration she felt.  

“Sharon Raydor?” A nurse’s voice broke her from her woolgathering.

After the obligatory weight and blood pressure, Sharon waited what felt like hours for someone, anyone, to come into the room.  Finally, after she played her tenth game of Royal Match, the doctor appeared.

“Hey there, Sharon.”

“Hi, Dr. Warrington.”

“You know…I feel like we’ve been through enough now, you should call me Penelope, or Penny, like everyone else does.”

“Penelope…I love that.”

“My mother was a huge fan of the author Penelope Lively.”

“Oh! The Road to Litchfield was one of my favorite books when I was in college.”

“Really?”

“Yes!”

“That’s amazing!” Penny grinned widely. “Most people have no idea who I’m talking about when I say that.”

“Guess that tells you how old I am.”

“If that’s supposed to be a hint, it’s not going to stop me from giving you and Brenda a healthy baby.”

Sharon couldn’t help but laugh at how the beautiful young woman saw right through her. “You are too smart.”

“Lay back and pull up your shirt for me.” Penny smiled again, but went about her work anyway. “Forty-eight is not remotely old Sharon.”

“I know, but I can’t get over that Brenda Leigh wants to even explore carrying my child.”

“In my experience, that desire is born out of true love. Pardon the pun.”

“I tried to convince her she should have a child of her own, and that I would love that baby regardless. I even offered to attempt pregnancy again so she didn’t have to, but she truly wants this.”

“Yes, she does. It’s not uncommon for women with reproductive struggles to strive for one baby no matter what they have to go through.”

“Well, come hell or high water, I will do anything and everything to make it happen for her.”

As the doctor listened to Sharon, she applied the standard cold gel to her flat belly and maneuvered her ultrasound wand over her skin. There was a tense moment of silence, but then Penny looked down with another bright smile.

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re a ‘fertile Myrtle’?”

A snort of a laugh escaped Sharon’s lips. “Yes, why?”

“Honestly, it appears the hormone shots I gave you were overkill.”

“How do you mean?”

“When I scanned you before the injections, I already knew you had an overabundance of follicles in your ovaries—but due to age I went ahead anyway. Seeing things now, there is no doubt that many healthy eggs will be retrieved.”

“Seriously?”

“Absolutely. Are you still willing to go ahead with the retrieval today?”

“Of course.” Sharon could not control the smile that widened her entire countenance. “I warned Brenda this might happen, should I call her?”

“Yes. You’ll need her to drive you home. It won’t take long, but you have to sleep for the rest of the day.”

“I’m on it.”

“Perfect! I'm going to get the room ready and when she gets here we’ll prep you for the procedure. Clean yourself up, I’ll be back.” Penny handed over a handful of disposable towels and excitedly exited the room.

Cold, sticky gel wiped away, Sharon lowered her top and reached into her purse for her phone.  After she dialed Brenda, the phone rang exactly once before the line picked up.

“Baby?”

“Hey, honey…”

“What did the doctor say?”

“That you should get over here because I’m as full of eggs as I can be.”

Brenda’s smile was audible over the phone. “I’ll be right there.”

“Do you really have time to leave your case?”

“I have plenty of capable detectives. I’ll be there in fifteen.”

“We can…”

“I love you, but stop talking Sharon. I’m on my way.”

“Okay…” Sharon snorted. “I’ll see you soon.”

The line clicked closed quickly.  As Sharon laughed, Penny came back into the room.

“Good call?”

“You'd better take me now, she’ll be here any second.”

“That’s amazing. Come, let’s go get this process started.”

Sharon put her feet to the floor and followed behind the stunning redhead.  Before she knew it she was flat on her back, feeling the effects of astonishingly strong sedation.

By the time Brenda hit the beat across town, a full hour had passed. All but running into the clinic, she asked after her partner and unbelievably was directly escorted to a room.  Just a few minutes later, Dr. Warrington knocked and stuck her head inside.

“Brenda?”

“Hey, Doc.”

Penny moved inside and closed the door, sitting directly across from her patient.

“You want the good news or the better news?”

“Let’s start with the good.” The curly blonde vibrated with anticipation.

“We got ten extremely healthy viable eggs.”

“And the better?”

“Sharon is a little loopy, but just fine.”

Afraid to get too excited, Brenda questioned. “So what are you telling me?”

“Number one, your girl is in exceptional shape. You’ll just have to take her home and insist she sleep the rest of the day. Number two, once you two find a donor, you have ten incredibly robust chances to conceive.”

“Oh my…” Moisture surged to Brenda’s lower eyelids. “Really?”

“Absolutely. We’re going to make this dream a reality.”

“Thank you…Thank you so much.”

“It’s my pleasure. Truly Brenda.” The doctor reached for her hand and pulled her up into a soft hug. “Go pull your car up to the door and we’ll bring Sharon out to you.”

Brenda had no more words and she simply nodded her agreement.  As soon as she stepped out of her car, a nurse had Sharon on the curb.

“Baaaaabbbyyyy!” 

“Hi, my love.” It was all the blonde could do not to choke on her own amusement. “You ready to go home?”

Sharon’s face morphed from exuberance to unintentional sadness all in a split second. “Yes please. I wanna go to bed.”

“I’ll have you tucked in before you know it.” 

“Promise?”

Brenda was suddenly full of mixed emotions.  Seeing Sharon Raydor so uninhibited was hilarious, but knowing that she had put her there made Brenda’s heart clench.

“I promise.”

The nurse looking on was in awe of the obvious love between them and she nodded her reassurance to Brenda as they teamed up to get Sharon in the car.  When the brunette was finally settled in the passenger seat, Brenda ran to the other side of the car, buckled up, and booked it for the condo.

Sharon knocked out quickly as the car started to move, and her partner could do nothing, but find herself thanking God for the woman beside her.  They had both known that their relationship in itself would be a journey, but that moment confirmed to Brenda that she had made the right decision.

Chapter Text

Work and making decisions to expand her family had Brenda living on the edge.  She owned the fact that she’d started it, but between subpoenas, donor books, Peter Goldman, and her group of overgrown children otherwise known as detectives, her thick blonde hair was getting thinner by the minute.  It didn’t help at all that her doctor was pumping her full of progesterone to prepare her already compromised body for reproduction.

Having just wrapped a case—a family intent on protecting each other and their church from scandal, she sat behind her desk silent and wondering.  Sharon already had a family. Was it stupid to want to birth a child that wouldn’t biologically be hers? Was her lover only going along because she felt pity? Would her family end up like the mother and son who had just been through her murder room?

And suddenly Brenda was terrified.  Slowly and with purpose she ran her hand over the leather cover of the book of candidates Dr. Warrington had given her.  Out of nowhere, she stood, needing to be anywhere else but the office.  Sharon had let her know she’d be out in the field until at least after dark with an officer involved shooting from the Criminal Gang and Harassment Division, so the younger woman piled into her car and made for the solitude of the condo.

Almost as soon as she was inside their home and the scent of Sharon hit her senses, a river of tears broke free.  Brenda couldn’t understand why everything good in her life was always bookended with her own stupid mistakes.  And as she wiped her eyes enough to kick away her heels and poured a deep glass of red wine, she contemplated her options.

Two hours later, Sharon found her sitting rigid in a dining room chair. Her eyes were bloodshot and glued straight ahead, the bottle in front of her three-quarters empty, chocolate snack cake wrappers all around.  Instinctively, Sharon quietly pulled off her stilettos and set them aside, not wanting to frighten her partner.  She already knew what was going on, yet still she slinked over and knelt at Brenda’s side.

“Honey…” she whispered, grateful when a sweet and woeful glance was turned her way. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Baylor’s attorney came back to subpoena Detective Gabriel, so that officially puts my entire division in hot water. Over a decision made by me and me alone.” She couldn’t stop her chin quivering. “What I’m wondering about now is how much worse things are gonna get?”

Sharon didn’t want to add to her stress, but Brenda had always made her promise to speak the truth even when it was most difficult. “They’ll get worse before they get better.”

“What?”

The brunette climbed up from the floor and settled herself in the neighboring chair, clutching reassuringly to one of Brenda’s small hands. “Fritz has been subpoenaed too.”

“Why?”

“Before the immunity deal, he offered Tyrell’s mother and sister protective custody.”

“Oh god. Oh no, no, no, this can’t be happening. He’ll use this to get out of prison. The city attorney will let him go free… What have I done?”

And right then was the point of complete and utter meltdown.  Sharon could do nothing but hold tight to Brenda as the panic attack took hold.  It broke her heart to hear her love struggling to breathe, yet still she gripped her with the force of all the healing she could muster.  The only bit of solace was that Sharon now had hope that she would listen. She couldn’t be there at Brenda’s side because of her involvement in the case, but she could finally lovingly force her into an attorney’s office.

The following morning, Brenda found herself voluntarily on a couch across from Gavin Baker.  Though the meeting was productive, the second she found out the cost, all hell broke loose. Sharon, fully understanding that hormones were playing an even bigger factor than usual, shut down the rant by reminding Brenda that she wasn’t paying for it.

That fact instantly calmed her down, but Sharon had to live with the guilt of an enormous lie.  Though it was worth the dip into her savings to get her lover the proper representation—now she just had to keep that fact from everyone in the LAPD. Conflict of interest was an understatement considering what she had done.  And she’d do it, over and over again.

Later that evening, Brenda was in much better spirits than she had been the previous night.  They had a sumptuous dinner of takeout Thai, then found themselves piled together on the couch with an old movie on the television.  About an hour into the show, Brenda twisted and suddenly stared into bright green eyes.

“What is it?”

“I have an idea I want to run by you.”

Sharon smiled. “An idea? About what?”

Brenda took a deep breath. “About our donor for the baby. No one in that book feels right to me.”

“I’m listening.”

“Just hear me out, okay?”

Excited that Brenda seemed so happy all of a sudden, Sharon sat up and held her partner’s hands. “I promise, tell me.”

“How would you feel if I asked one of my brothers?”

Caught off guard, Sharon’s face ran the gamut of emotions, but then realization dawned and she grinned. “I love it.”

“You do?” 

“It never occurred to me, but if we went that way, our child would be blood-related to both of us, but…”

Brenda was ready to jump on the defensive. “I knew you…”

“Wait.” Sharon palmed a soft cheek. “All I was going to ask was, are you alright with the baby biologically being your niece or nephew?”

The sudden anxiety melted away and Brenda leaned against Sharon’s palm. “Yes. No matter what, this child will be ours.”

“I agree.”

“And I’m hopeful that in the future, we’ll come up with a plan together to explain how we came to this decision.”

Kissing her quickly, Sharon couldn’t help but let surprise occupy her features. “You never cease to amaze me, you know that?”

“So you’re really okay with this?”

“Absolutely. Have you chosen a brother?” She winked.

“If I chose Bobby, Daddy would never forgive me, Clay Jr. you can’t get away from his job long enough to answer the phone, but Jimmy was all for it.”

“Really? Why?”

“Never repeat this in front of my parents, but he was thankful I asked. He can’t find his way out of the closet, but since I did—he wants his little sister to have what he feels like he can’t.”

“So Jimmy really is gay?”

“Don’t act like you didn’t know, Sharon.”

The brunette laughed. “We’ve only met once, but of course I did. No way Frank was only his traveling buddy.”

“Just another reason why I love you.” Brenda kissed her back finally. “His schedule is open and he wants to come to LA next week. Okay with you?”

“I can’t wait to make a baby with you.”

“Sharon Raydor!”

“What?” 

The pair kissed again and the rest of the night was spent in exhilaration—no matter anything related to work.

**

Some weeks later, for Sharon and Brenda, it was beginning to feel as if the world had shifted.  Cases kept rolling in as if nothing else in the world was happening.  The Chief had fessed up to her illustrious conversation in the car with David Gabriel, but now the focus was on finding out how the words spoken on said ride came to be known by Peter Goldman.

Outside LAPD Headquarters however, life continued.  Jimmy Johnson had come to Los Angeles and given a sample to his sister and technical sister-in-law.  Almost immediately, Dr. Warrington went about her work in the lab.  A short time later, there were five viable embryos ready for implantation.  In the middle of felons and arrests, Sharon and Brenda still managed to find time to keep their journey to parenthood alive.

When the call came from Penny that three of the fertilized eggs were primed and ready, Brenda leaned on her partner to make the call.  Without a shred of hesitation, Sharon did everything short of actually pushing Brenda to the appointment.  After a short hour visit, all three embryos were safely tucked within their potential mother. All that was left was to wait to see what would ensue from there.

Back on the job, Captain Raydor found herself deeply tied to Major Crimes’ business.  When an inmate claimed to know about an impending murder, and subsequently ended up dead.  The chase was on.  With the known leak, and the Captain taking some of the heavy lifting—it was the perfect time for Brenda to finally confess to the need for her whole team to be deposed by Gavin.

However ignorant of anything important happening in some of her best friends' lives, hearing of the potential mole Andrea Hobbs even volunteered to put her hand in to help with the caseload.  At the start, it had nothing to do with Brenda and Sharon, but the more things escalated, the more important her effort felt.  

All the threads, once frayed and floating in the metaphorical wind, eventually ended up tied in a knot bigger than most of LA combined.  When Sharon dialed Brenda, following their main suspects on the street, the entire structured plan suddenly tilted sideways.  Fortunately, Sharon wasn’t hesitant to keep control.  And now, after a brilliant shot with a bean bag gun, she had earned all the respect possible from Brenda’s team.

In all the chaos, Andrea had been fired upon on a stake made to look like a coffee break, and in the end, the fugitives they’d all been searching for were finally apprehended.  By the time the crew was back in the PAB, all the evidence collected had explained everything.  Finding out that a former Deputy District Attorney was responsible for aiming to kill Andrea was the icing on the cake.  Brenda, with her keen sense of intellect, sniffed out the mole among their supposed law-abiding crew.  

As she put the case to bed, and neither of the men in the interview room could deny their sleazy plan, Brenda turned and left them, more sure of herself than ever.  Unfortunately, that confidence was cut short. As she moved across the murder room her body suddenly betrayed her.  Before she stepped remotely close to the privacy of her own office, bile rose in her throat. Quickly snatching up the first trash bin she saw, she heaved up everything her body had to give.  

Sharon was the first to make it to her side after witnessing the melee that occurred from electronics. And despite the emetophobic sounds coming from her lover, she held on without reservation.  When Brenda was finally able to catch her breath, she let her partner support her all the way to her office. With the younger woman settled on the sofa, Sharon stepped away long enough to grab a bottle of water and some damp paper towels.

After getting sick twice more, Brenda was able to lay back in Sharon’s arms. While the two women appreciated the silence, the rest of Major Crimes were still just beyond the door answering to Gavin.  Fortunately, even without their leaders, the team still honored and respected their Chief enough to take ownership of what was happening.  Sharon had already impressed upon them the reality of the leak—and now it was more obvious than ever that she was right.

As the sun began to disappear below the horizon, Sharon and Brenda finally pushed across the threshold of the condo.  Once inside, Brenda aimlessly wandered to her favorite spot, looking out over the sparkling view of the city.  Sharon kicked off her shoes but quietly watched her lover.  There were so many words that needed to be said, but all that could wait.  Reaching into her purse, she grabbed a brown paper bag and sidled over to the patio doors.  Tucking Brenda into a taut grasp of tenderness, she hesitated a moment, but then found the courage to speak.

“My love…”

Brenda startled slightly, but couldn’t ignore the warmth of the arms around her. “Yeah, baby?”

“I think you need this.” Sharon handed over the package in her hand.

“What?”

“Do you trust me?” 

Squeezing the paper bag, Brenda’s eyes suddenly lit. “Of course I do. What is this?”

“Pregnancy tests.”

“Tests, plural?”

Sharon grinned widely. “More than one is always better.”

“Is this what you stopped on the way home for?”

Sharon smiled and nodded.

“You really think…”

“Remember, I’ve given birth twice. That vomiting earlier was more than just nerves.”

“Oh please…”

“Honey…”

“Okay, okay.” The blonde smirked. “I’ve only done this once. You gonna help me?”

“Absolutely.”

The two women padded off to their master bath, an air of excitement evident between them.  Sharon reclaimed the drug store bag from Brenda, setting out the three different brands and calibers of tests she had made sure to purchase.  There was a digital, an early detection, and a bottom of the barrel cents on the dollar stick test.  Using one of the paper mouthwash cups Sharon always kept on hand but never used, they collected Brenda’s urine.

The cheapest of the tests seemed to take forever to show a result, but the pair waited with bated breath before moving on.  When two faint pink lines appeared, two hearts were suddenly pounding.  The early test was next and after three agonizing minutes, two much darker lines signaled positivity.  Finally, it was time for the digital test.  Sharon pulled away the cap, but before she dipped the end into the cup, she glanced sweetly at her lover.

“You okay?”

“Third time’s the charm, huh?” Brenda held back tears.

Feeling a surge of excitement that was all too rare from Brenda Leigh Johnson, Sharon dipped the test, capped it, and set it on the counter in front of them.  Watching the display tick endlessly was one of the hardest things either of them had ever done. Patience wasn’t necessarily a virtue for either one, but in this case, the result would be worth it.  The second the word pregnant popped onto the tiny screen, both women clutched each other fiercely.

Sharon was the first to gain her footing, and she pulled back with both palms planted on Brenda’s cheeks.

“We’re going to have a baby…”

Brenda sniffled and pressed a kiss to her lover’s lips. “We…we really are.”

Chapter Text

Dr. Warrington was more than a bit miffed that her patients had ignored her instructions under the guise of working overtime for the LAPD. She told them in no uncertain terms that had they listened they would have known Brenda was expecting weeks earlier, and she made them swear that from that point forward, the pregnancy would take priority over the penal system. Understanding the place the doctor's words were coming from, and the seriousness of the journey they were on, both women agreed.  Once Penny’s lecture was delivered, she let a wide smile break out across her face. Out of all the couples she helped conceive, something was special about Brenda and Sharon.

“Now that we’ve confirmed with the blood test, should we take a look and see who’s in there?”

Brenda suddenly went white as a sheet, but Sharon sparkled all over, just as she’d done when offered the first opportunity to see the little blob that would become her beloved Emily.

“Honey, you okay?”

Breathing deep and swallowing her nausea, Brenda somehow managed to speak. “This is real, isn’t it?”

“It is, and I’m right here, I promise.”

“Alright…” She shook herself. “Let’s do it.”

Penny prepped her equipment while Brenda lay back, her hand death-gripping onto one of Sharon’s.  When her creamy white skin was exposed and the cold gel applied, she jumped.

“I promise I won’t hurt you.”

“Sorry, Doc. I’m really nervous.”

“Don’t be sorry. This is a big deal. Right, Sharon?”

The brunette leaned down and kissed her partner's forehead. “It is, but you’re going to be such a good mom.”

“I’m glad you think so.”

“I know so.”

The doctor hummed as she moved the wand over Brenda’s abdomen.  Then suddenly she found the spot.

“There we are.”

“What? Where?” The blonde sounded like a frazzled kid as she squinted at the screen.

“Right there, honey. See the spot that looks like a bubble with a dot in the middle?”

“Yeah, but…”

“Wait…” Penny interrupted and pointed at the display. “There are two. Look there…”

In an instant two gestational sacks appeared on the screen.  Smiling back at her patients, the doctor continued to adjust the view.

Brenda was shaking now. “Does that mean…”

“As of now, two fully implanted embryos.”

Sharon couldn’t wipe the smile from her face despite the thick tears that started to fall. Brenda was still a strange shade of pale and her mouth hung open, but it didn’t last long.

“Baby…we’ve got…we really…”

“We're really pregnant.” Sharon leaned down and kissed her lips this time.

Realization then suddenly hit Brenda like a ton of bricks. She squared her eyes on the doctor. “Did you say, ‘As of now’?” 

“I did. The reality of IVF and multiple embryonic transfer is that multiples appear often and much earlier than in traditional pregnancy.”

Sharon’s heart was racing. “What does that mean?”

“It means there is a higher risk of what is known as Vanishing Twin Syndrome. Since we transferred three embryos, we now know two of them implanted, but for at least another couple of weeks we won’t know if both of them are viable.”

Brenda didn’t hide her indignation. “Why didn’t you tell us this before?” 

“Honey, the doctor can’t list off every possible scenario before she knows what we’re dealing with.” 

The doctor appreciated the help, but her response was already loaded. “I would have told you earlier—had you not cancelled your original scheduled appointment.”

“She’s got us there.” Sharon looked down with her lips curled in a half smile.

With a resounding and obviously anxious sigh, the blonde fell back against the exam table. Sharon laid another kiss on her cheek, using her free hand while Brenda was distracted, she signaled the doctor to continue.

“I know it’s not an easy thing to hear after everything you’ve been through, but I assure you I’m going to continue doing everything I can to get you to the finish line with a healthy baby. Or maybe two.”

“I’m sorry.” Quickly anger turned to tears. If it wasn’t already clear Brenda was pregnant—that was a sure sign.

“I told you, no apologies,” Penny smiled. “Here, maybe this will help…”

Before another word came from the couple, the doctor turned a knob on her console and unleashed a sound so magnificent that the color instantly returned to Brenda’s cheeks.  The rhythmic pumping created from the love two once broken women had found in one another was more rewarding than they’d imagined.  In a way, it was a first for both of them. Brenda for obvious reasons, and Sharon because despite her ex-husband’s minuscule involvement in creating her children—her moments like this were spent entirely alone.  And suddenly a piece of her soul she’d never realized was missing was back and overflowing with emotion.

“I’m so grateful to hear the sound.” Brenda found her words, and with them a feeling she’d never experienced. 

“It is beautiful, isn’t it?” Sharon ran her hands through blonde curls.

“Yes.” The word floated from Brenda's mouth wondrously. “It sounds like one heart. Does that mean anything?”

“Because it’s so early, not necessarily.”

“I’m gonna do something I don’t normally do.”

Sharon grinned. “What’s that?”

“Be patient.”

“Penny, write this down for me please.”

The doctor laughed as she shut down her machine and pulled the wand away, handing Sharon disposable towels.  The older woman gladly took the task of cleaning the gel away from her partner’s belly. Once done, she placed a sweet kiss right where Penny had found the image of their potential children.

“I don’t think I could feel any more blessed than I do right now. Thank you.”

Brenda almost scoffed in disbelief. “I should be thanking you. I never thought I’d be here again—I’d completely given up.”

The doctor stepped out of the room, unbeknownst to the two women she’d left behind, to retrieve supplies and hide the emotion hanging on her eyelids listening to them.  Even a third party could see how special their relationship was. And now there’d be offspring to boot. When Penny came back, her feelings were written on her face.

“I got you scheduled for your next appointments, and here’s your first round of prenatal vitamins.”

Sharon recognized the look and her own heart clenched. “Are you okay, Penny?”

“I am. You two are just so sweet…I hope to find that someday.”

“You're single?” Brenda asked as she sat up.

“Medical school and a full-time obstetric and fertility practice don’t leave much time for anything else.”

“As gorgeous as you are, you’ll find it. I’m sure.”

“Thank you, but in the meantime, I’m content to make sure you two get your dream.”

Brenda hopped off the table and looked up at the tall redhead. “I’ll tell ya,” she glanced back at Sharon. “If I was lucky enough, you’ll find yours.”

**

Thrilling news notwithstanding, the LAPD stopped for no one.  It was bad enough that Brenda and Sharon had to go from the OB to the courthouse, but when every cell phone in the courtroom went off simultaneously—it was as if everything froze.  The Chief had to leave without so much as a word to the Captain, given the delicate nature of the circumstance they were in, and things would get much more perilous before the day was over.

After arriving on the scene of a deadly shooting between car thieves and LA County Sheriff’s deputies, Brenda forced aside the emotional beginning of the day and stepped out of her car in full detective mode.  Her well-seasoned instincts told her something was wrong with the whole situation, but she just couldn’t put her finger on it, so she proceeded with the case as she normally would.

And of course, just as she was getting started, everything turned sideways.  Brenda had barely spoken to the one suspect they had in custody and suddenly, she was staring down the barrel of a gun.  Fortunately not literally, but if not for Buzz and his permanent residence behind their system of cameras, she would have been killed before she even knew what was happening.

In the blink of an eye, a young man was dead.  A life needlessly ended on Brenda’s watch, and for some reason, she couldn’t bring herself to justify it like she once would. All too soon and not soon enough, Sharon and her team were on scene ripping the murder room apart.  When the two women caught a glimpse of one another, even from a distance, the love between them covered them like a warm blanket, but just as quickly as it had come it was gone, replaced with the staunch boundaries of professionalism and duty.

Sharon had the wherewithal to hold off questioning Brenda and Buzz until there was no more waiting, and the younger woman knew that was her way of showing adoration without violating policy.  Sadly, in her condition, Brenda couldn’t fight her tears as she usually did. Yet still, her team forged ahead.  When Provenza called with the news of finding the carjacked vehicle taken by their second suspect, she bucked against the system and sent Tao away from the office to compare fingerprints. She knew she’d have to answer for it later, but so be it. Taking down a cop killer was far more important than rules.

After Pope and Taylor had put in their two cents, Brenda should have chuckled at how they still weren’t used to her and Sharon being a couple, but sadly it was all she could do to speak and respond to their orders.  When she stepped into electronics with Buzz in tow—thankfully the video of the suicide was playing, or else she and Sharon would have cracked on sight.

“Are you okay?” Sharon tugged off her glasses trying desperately to save face.

“I think so, yes.” Brenda lied.

“From what I just saw you nearly died.” The brunette fought with every ounce of strength she had, but cleared her throat and forged on. “Who else in your division was with you?”

Another lie burst forth from the Chief out of instinct. “As you could see from the video, I was alone.”

“Someone stopped you at the door and pulled you out of harm's way.”

Buzz was Johnny on the spot. “I did that, Captain. Chief Johnson didn’t have her earwig with her, and I had breaking information from Lieutenant Provenza.”

Sharon’s whole body suddenly radiated with anxiety and some other emotion she couldn’t control. “Would you leave us alone, please?”

Buzz followed orders without question.

Once he was gone, Sharon slipped her glasses back on, shutting the door and the blinds before slowly turning to her partner.  At that moment, she had to push their personal connection aside. “You know it’s always risky to leave a suspect alone in an interview room.”

“I know procedure wasn’t properly followed, and it’s a bad day to have it happen,” Brenda’s voice cracked and she hated it. ”I wish I’d done better, but I’m looking for someone who’s a lot worse than me, and I’m just asking for this day to see if I can find him.” A stray tear broke free. “Just this day, that’s all I’m asking.”

“I can absolutely do that,” Sharon was struggling so hard not to take hold of her. “I’ve got seventy-two hours to file this report, so I will just resume this part of the investigation after that, and in the meantime, I will interview every single officer who had charge of that suspect between the crime scene and your interview room.” Now she was fighting the tears. “Where can I find the deputy sheriff who took Mr. Hayes into custody?”

The appreciation and love Brenda felt then and there, she silently vowed to show Sharon in return whenever they managed to break free of their professional hell and get back home. 

“Uh, Commander Taylor is keeping track of him.”

“Okay.”

“Tha…thank you, Sha…Captain. Thanks.”

And that’s when the dam broke.  Despite her need to be the Captain of FID, before she walked out the door, her mask slipped away and she was simply Sharon—partner, fellow expectant mother, lover of everything Brenda Leigh Johnson.

“Come here.” She held out her arms, face instantly glistening with reverence.

Brenda fell into her lover's grasp, grateful for the reassuring grip.  She wasn’t at all sure she could survive the pregnancy on its own, much less carrying and giving birth to what could be two babies. And then there was nearly being shot to death.  Years ago, hell even weeks ago, the thought wouldn’t have phased her in the least, but now everything was different.  Sharon gently whispered sweet nothings while one hand rubbed at her lover’s back, the other between them pressed against her belly.

“I know this isn’t ideal, but I’m doing all I can.”

A small sob escaped Brenda, but she swallowed it purposefully and pressed up on tiptoes to put her lips at Sharon’s ear. “I know, baby, and I’ll make it up to you. If it’s the last thing I do, I swear…”

“I’m just glad you’re alright.”

“Me too, I didn’t mean…”

The brunette pulled back with purpose, looking into terrified brown eyes. “You didn’t…I know you didn’t. It’s the job, and we both have to do it, no matter what.” She ran long fingers through blonde curls. “Just think about our baby and stay safe, okay?”

Brenda’s chin quivered. “I will. I promise. You believe me?”

“Always, honey. Always.”

Sharon’s mask snapped back into place and with that, she was gone.  In the silence of the empty room, Brenda let herself truly feel, a hand falling to her abdomen. But just as quickly as she broke, the Chief returned with brute force.  There would be time for feelings later.

**

Why was it always men trying to gain notoriety that came to be her biggest problem?  Brenda thought she was free to work once Sharon was out of the murder room and on to other members of the division, but almost like magic, Gavin appeared accusing her of planning an in-custody death.  Again she bucked against the system, but when her attorney informed her that the skeeze known as Peter Goldman was taking advantage of what had happened, her heart was in her shoes.  The leak in her division was growing louder and larger all the time.  

Just behind the commotion Gavin lowered upon her, a former colleague of her ex-husband, Agent Billings appeared with more destructive news.  When they entered her office, the bulbous man tossed a thick file across her desk. He explained that what she was dealing with wasn’t simply an on the corner run of the mill ring of car thieves, but an entire organization of proficient white-collar criminals.  Besides the footwork, potent tools of technology were being used to throw all law enforcement off their trail.  The more Billings talked, the more the case came together, but with the deputies involved, she needed more.  Next thing she knew she was back in an interview room sitting across from Deputy Mike Burton as he offered up excuses.

“You want to know why Rush and I were pushing this? Fine,” Deputy Burton didn’t hide his disdain. “Because the sheriff’s office and the FBI weren’t getting anywhere.”

“So you have a problem with interrupting property theft?” Gabriel paid no mind to his feelings of annoyance.

The sheriff’s deputy rebutted—explaining that he and his partner were aiming to circumvent the usual order of things in favor of being able to produce and hold back the top man—the boss of the operation.  Hearing all the details, Brenda sent her team out into the field, along with the FBI to get one up on the ring of thieves.  Among all their skills, they managed to get the little fish, but from Chief Johnson’s perspective, there was more to the story.

Suddenly, she found herself sneaking up on a restaurant owner who, up until that moment had perfectly played himself off as an innocent.  He tried to make a quick break, but with deft swiftness, and no shoes, Brenda had the ringleader at gunpoint.  When he gave up easily, she turned him over to the custody of the FBI. For once her ducks were in a row. And she was thankful, because she had more pressing issues to deal with.

Once again amongst the staunch walls of a courtroom, Brenda listened to the judge’s words.  She knew her interpretations and the truth of the law sometimes wavered, but there was something about having her lover behind her, literally and figuratively, that bolstered her confidence.  Then, out of the blue, his honor declared the lack of evidence, a conflict of interest due to the defendant's ex-husband being a key witness to the prosecution, and the immediate need for summary judgment, therefore dismissing the case.

Nothing else mattered in that moment. Relief was felt all around and neither Brenda nor Sharon hesitated to gaze at one another with real unadulterated hope.  The Chief had clearly redesigned herself throughout it all and The Captain was her biggest supporter.  As all of their cohorts filed out of the courtroom, the pair didn’t hesitate to show their love for each other with a tight embrace that would stand for the ages.

Once everyone was back in the murder room, Tao and Buzz cracked open the sparkling cider, pouring the group a serving.  Before any words could be spoken, Brenda focused her attention on Gavin.

“I told you I was going to win.”

“Well, you mighta told me how…”

“Well, then you would’ve told the leak and then where would we be?” Gavin eyed her seriously.

Gabriel voiced his opinion next while Sharon handed him a plastic cup. “I still cannot believe it’s all over…”

Provenza quickly brought reality to the celebration. “Well, don’t worry…we’ll have another crisis soon enough, and I’ll lead us all through that one too.”

“Well, that’s just what I was about to say. Thank you for showing us the way,” Lieutenant Flynn snarked. “Everyone, to Gavin.”

“To Gavin!” The group wailed and then sipped with delight.

As if by some force of nature, Sharon and Brenda were suddenly face-to-face. “Congratulations, Chief.”

The younger of the two had to fight back the urge to kiss her partner. “Listen, I just want to thank you for standing by me. I know it hasn’t been easy.”

“If our job was easy, no one would put up with either one of us.” The brunette smiled widely and chuckled. “You’re no more difficult to put up with than I am, and you know I mean that as a compliment.” She winked.

Brenda tried not to laugh. “Well, thank you. I’m very grateful to you, I really am.”

Sharon leaned close to her ear and whispered. “You can thank me properly later.”

With a swiftness, Brenda was vibrating all over, but the heavenly feeling wouldn’t last long. Just before they could ignore professionalism and sneak off to Brenda’s office, Chief Pope sidled into the room looking destitute.

“Will? What's the matter? Something wrong?”

He stuttered. “I’m not sure, but I need you to talk to someone without losing your temper. You think you can do that?”

Brenda was suddenly scared. “Well, I can’t promise anything, but I’ll try. Who is it?”

Pope escorted her to the conference room, hesitantly pushing the door back and standing out of the way.

The smarmy lawyer brought himself to speak, “Congratulations, Chief Johnson.”

The second she heard the voice and saw the smug face of Peter Goldman, she was sick to her stomach.  

**

The day they’d lived through had more ups and downs than a roller coaster.  On the ride home from the PAB, neither Brenda nor Sharon could bring themselves to say anything for fear of opening a chasm they couldn’t control.  With yet another take-out meal in tow, they made the journey to the eleventh floor in the same charged silence.  Harkening back to the days after the assault, Brenda slipped off her shoes and with haste disappeared into the bedroom.

Sharon wanted so badly to open the refrigerator and pour a tall glass of wine, but she wouldn’t, knowing her pregnant partner might just resent her for it.  Instead, she pushed their dinner onto the kitchen counter, stepped out of her stilettos, and headed down the hall.  To her surprise, the space wasn’t dark and Brenda wasn’t tucked under the covers. In fact, she wasn’t in the room at all.  Then she heard it, the sound no one wants to hear from the person they love—deep painful sounds of heaving.  As Brenda coughed and sputtered, Sharon’s heart clenched.  Grabbing a bottle of water, she passed through the bathroom door, adding a clean cloth to her hands before kneeling at Brenda’s side.

“Mmm, Sharon please…” she heaved with every muscle in her body. “You don’t need…”

Sharon opened the water and set it aside, pulling her partner's hair away from the bowl.  “Honey, I have kids, I’ve seen it all. Please let me help you.”

Brenda coughed, then gagged and tried to swallow the burn in her throat. When there was a pause for more than a breath, Sharon wiped the sweat from her forehead and the back of her neck.  As another moment passed, both of them thought they were home free, so Brenda signaled with one hand for the water. Sadly, the relief only lasted a few seconds before the small sip she took returned with force.  Even Sharon winced at the strength with which such a tiny body could reject simple water.

“Ugh…I need to lay down.”

“You’re sure?”

Brenda shook her head and quickly regretted it. “I can’t hold myself up anymore. Just put a bucket by the bed or something.” Her voice was more pleading than her partner had ever heard.

“Come on, let me help you.”

Lifting her from the floor gently, Sharon tucked Brenda into her arms and held still for a moment, only starting to move when she felt her body relax slightly.  After a quick rinse of her mouth, they eased into the room, and the brunette set her partner on the edge of the bed.

“How can I make you more comfortable?”

“Um, can I have my white shorts and tank top? In the top drawer.” She pointed toward the chest of drawers by the closet.

Sharon retrieved the garments with promptness and came back to find Brenda struggling with the gold buttons on her fitted top.  Delicately, she replaced shaking fingers with her own, deftly removing her work clothes.  With a skill and speed she appreciated more than she could express, Brenda moaned in sheer relief.  As soon as she was dressed in her night garments, Sharon laid her back on the bed and tucked her in.  Changing into her own gown, the brunette shut off the lights and crawled in next to her lover.  In light of the situation she left a space between them, that is, until a small hand searched for hers in the dark.

“I’m okay, baby I promise. Please…hold me.”

Silently, Sharon slid over and wrapped Brenda in her arms.  The feeling was exactly what was needed and they held tight to one another, the only sound around them the ticking of the clock on the wall. Until Brenda found the courage to speak.

“Goldman opened a federal case against me.”

“What?” 

“He even mentioned Philip Stroh. Called him his colleague—says I harassed him.” Brenda coughed again, feeling nauseated at the words.

Sharon tucked herself closer, laying a kiss behind her ear, before she opened her mouth. “He’s full of shit.”

“As much as it hurts to say, he’s not.”

“How so?” Now the nausea was mutual.

“All the cases, all the suspects he listed. So many deaths…” Hot tears streamed down her cheeks. “It’s all true—because of me, so many people have died.”

“Honey…”

“Please, don’t.” Brenda squeezed the hand over her belly. “If these last few weeks have taught me anything…” then she choked back a sob. “Being deemed ‘The Closer’ has turned me into a killer.”

“You didn’t kill anyone.” Sharon knew exactly what her partner was talking about, and maybe once long ago would have agreed, but all that was gone in favor of the love she felt for her.

“There was a time you thought I did.”

“Never. Sure I questioned your methods—but the fact remains, all you’ve done is put away the worst of criminals.”

Suddenly Brenda broke free of her grasp and turned in disbelief. “Don’t lie to me!”

Taking a cleansing breath, and purposefully pulling her lover back into her arms, she held on with fervor. “Brenda Leigh, you listen to me…I would never lie to you, and I want you to remember one thing…”

“Oh yeah, what’s that?” 

“You used to call me ‘Queen of the rules’.”

“And?”

“And still I’m here, reminding you that Peter Goldman is a money-chasing asshole looking to make a dollar off of anything he can get his hands on. He can’t even do it without someone from your division feeding him bullshit. So no, I don’t take stock in anything he says. You know why?”

“Why?”

“Because I know the truth. I know how to find the truth. And I know you. Your goal has always been to put the worst of the worst behind bars—it’s not your job to worry about what happens to them later. That ingratiating little man, who associates himself with people like Philip Stroh, can’t hold a candle to you.”

“Baby…”

“I mean it, you hear me?”

“Yeah…”

“I don’t ever want to hear you lower yourself to his level again.”

“Okay…”

Sharon kissed her lips this time, deep and unrelenting. Then continued, “You are the love of my life, the mother of my child, and you will never be alone in anything. Tell me you understand this.”

Brenda couldn’t help the tears that fell again, and her voice was low yet determined. “For the first time in my life…I believe that.”

Somehow, someway, that day was yet another beginning for them. And with everything else suddenly forgotten, they drifted off to sleep still tucked in one another’s arms.

Chapter Text

As the weeks passed, some slow, some irreconcilably fast, life and times in the LAPD somehow kept pace.  Cases came and cases went, criminals held to the letter of the law—innocents sent back to their lives.  For the Chief of Major Crimes and the Captain of FID, there was never a dull moment.  That point was never more apparent than while Sharon was tailing the crew making sure their every effort was logged and properly documented.

Never mind that the number of indisputable felons put away was significant; there had to be checks and balances.  Brenda was finally growing used to the woman she loved questioning every move she made, but the hormones combatted her comfort with each juncture.  Already just over four months pregnant, each decision the Chief made now came with questions and worries.  For someone as sure of herself as Brenda Leigh Johnson had always been—time and more importantly becoming a mother, was changing everything.

After a contentious discussion with the police commissioner’s wife, it became clear that there was much more to the story than a stolen purse and car.  Chief Pope couldn’t help but give rebuttal to every theory his closest cohort came up with, and that fact gave Brenda all the ammunition she needed.  Once she’d proven that the top dog of the LAPD had a lush for a spouse who had killed an innocent girl, the time for repeal had passed.

Watching the daughter of the couple almost beg for her mother’s innocence, the Chief couldn’t help but inhabit the young girl’s hurt. Post witnessing the commissioner give his partner an ultimatum and leaving her behind, Brenda made sure her team could finish out the paperwork and hurried home, intent on feeling the security of her relationship. 

Pushing through the door of the condo, Brenda was awestruck by the silence that greeted her.  Sharon had actually taken the afternoon off, and it was clear she had used the time to go to bed early.  Stepping out of her heels and moving about the darkened space, worry crept over her, until she entered the bedroom.

Flipping the switch just outside the closet, she looked over her shoulder—grateful to see Sharon’s shadowy outline.  The woman she would sacrifice everything for was snuggled beneath the covers, quietly snoring in peaceful sleep.  For a moment, Brenda simply watched, in awe of the beauty in the moment. Yet the longer she waited the stronger the pull became.  With her body changing rapidly, her face morphed to mild anguish for a moment when she turned back to see her favorite pajamas lying there folded neatly on the corner of the dresser.  Choosing a new larger-sized set, Brenda dressed and then forgot all her troubles as she pulled back the covers and crawled in.  When the mattress dipped beside her and she felt a familiar warmth, Sharon stirred.

“Mmmmm, honey…”

“Shhhh, it’s me, baby.” The whisper from Brenda was full of love and just a hint of innuendo. “Go back to sleep.”

“What if I don’t want to?”

“Then kiss me and we’ll see what happens.”

With a quickness, the two women were face-to-face tasting the essence of one another.  As lips and tongues danced together, fire and flame burned between them.

“Brenda,” Sharon pulled away only long enough to check in.

“Hold still…”

Doing as ordered, the brunette let her partner invade her space, both women touching and tasting as though they’d been starved for attention.  From their kiss, lips slid down long necks, hands caressed every expanse of bare skin, then Sharon found herself gravitating toward the round rapidly growing bump of their offspring. All clothing aside, Sharon took great joy in talking to the belly.

It had only been five weeks since Dr. Warrington confirmed that Brenda was indeed carrying two healthy babies.  After the shock finally turned to relief and joy, the couple had a talk with Chief Pope disclosing the pregnancy.  Will didn’t hide his shock, but swallowed it, knowing their personal lives were none of his business.  

“Brenda,” Sharon wriggled in ecstasy, however concerned about her partner’s state of mind.

Lifting her head, the blonde did her best to focus on the face staring down at her even in the dark. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, but I’m more worried about you.”

“Please, don’t. I need this right now.” 

Sharon lay back on her pillows, unconvinced yet yearning to give Brenda what she ached for.  And when moist mouth met folds, she couldn’t deny that she wanted it too.  Slurps and licks resounded off the ceiling of their bedroom, the ecstasy almost impossible to ignore.

“Oh my God…” 

Brenda sucked back with purpose, freeing herself for only a split second. “You like that?”

“Mmmmm…”

“Good.” 

Diving face-first back into her lover, the younger woman feasted with abandon.  Pressing her tongue just centimeters inside, she savored the rampant arousal running free from Sharon then shifted and licked until she could gently bite and swirl around her stiffened clit.  Crying out in complete and utter shock and satisfaction, Sharon ground herself down searching for completion.  Knowing exactly what she needed, Brenda swiftly added her fingers to the delicious assault and with a quickness the brunette was moaning out elation.

“Ahh…”

“Come for me.” Brenda continued sucking and thrusting in a steady rhythm while walls clenched tightly around her fingers.

When Sharon’s body relaxed and her breath began to even, Brenda eased her way up the bed, kissing a path over her lover's skin.  When their lips met, Sharon finally found the strength to control her muscles.  Wrapping one arm around sculpted shoulders, her free hand automatically moved to cover the babies.  

“I love you.”

Brenda blanketed the brunette’s hand with one of her own, instinct making her cringe at her increasing waist size, but the thought of what she hoped would be two miniature Sharons changed the expression to a smile instead.  

“I love you more.” 

“Oh you do, do you?” Sharon accentuated her words with another kiss then crept her fingers down soft thighs, dipping the longest of her digits into abundant wetness.

“I…I…”

“What was that?”

“Please.”

Happily doing as requested, Sharon shifted herself to return the delicious favor.  After weeks of hiatus due to speedily shifting hormones, morning sickness that lasted all day, and despite being pulled away from sleep—she was ecstatic her girl’s hunger was returning.  A moist trail across the collarbones, moved south to incredibly sensitive nipples.  Brenda groaned then rolled giving her more complete access.  Before landing at the quintessential destination, Sharon paused over the small bump again, her eyes misting with appreciation and reverence.

“Sleep little ones.” And she sealed her words with a kiss.

Arousal or no, Brenda couldn’t hold back the swell of emotion that spilled from her brown eyes. But before she fell into a well from which there was no return, Sharon plunged her tongue between engorged pink folds.  The clatter that broke forth from the blonde only served to push Sharon deeper into her task.  Following her partner’s lead, she pressed one finger—then two inside, slowly building an impactful cadence.

In a blissful recapitulation, Brenda forced herself down, greedily searching for more contact.  And when her body responded in kind and her southern accent morphed to a flat insistent cry of pleasure, Sharon cherished the firm grip.  The two of them rode out her climax, then slowly moved to snuggle again.  Until a gasp of shock from Brenda and hands flying to her middle broke the silence.

“What’s the matter, honey?” Sharon’s heart clenched.

Looking into bright green eyes, Brenda saw the panic there, and backpedaled. “I’m fine, baby, I didn’t mean to scare you. I just…” she looked down at her stomach.

“Tell me…”

“I don’t…I don’t know how to describe it. All of a sudden it was like there was a goldfish in my belly.”

From experience, Sharon immediately knew what was happening and the earlier mist in her eyes returned much more heavily. “My love…” she pressed her hands over Brenda’s. “That was the babies moving.”

“No way.”

“Seriously. I remember the first time I felt Emily on the inside. She was like a little tadpole that suddenly awakened and started swimming.”

“Well, I’ll be…” Brenda’s eyes widened. “So I’m not just getting fat?” Then she smiled.

“Stop it, Brenda Leigh.” 

“I won’t…I’m already uncomfortable and I’ve still got a blue moon to go.”

“A blue moon?” Sharon laughed.

“That means a long time for you West Coasters.”

“But I was born on the East Coast.”

“Yeah, but in the North.”

“Are you calling me a Yankee?”

“If I have to…” It was Brenda’s turn to giggle.

The two women nestled again and together tugged up the covers. Slumber overtook them quickly as they both drifted off to visions of their future.

**

A couple of days later, on a brief break from all the goings on of the LAPD, Brenda and Sharon waltzed into Dr. Warrington’s clinic.  The Chief had spent the day cranky and unwilling to break the frown chiseled into her features after having to appear in court thanks to her arch nemesis, Philip Stroh. The Captain prayed that getting out of the office would help bring about an attitude adjustment.

“Honey?” Sharon gently touched her arm, trying not to scare her back to reality.

“Yes?”

“The nurse is calling your name.”

“Oh,” Brenda shook herself and took hold of Sharon’s hand as the brunette stood and offered to help her.

“You okay?”

“Yeah…let’s go.”

When they were in the exam room, Brenda assumed the position she was tired of after so many weeks of poking and prodding checking up on the pregnancy.  Sharon settled in her usual seat, tucking next to her side, but out of the way of needed space.  And just like that, the tall red-haired doctor bounced into the room.

“Hey girls!” 

“Hi, Penny.” They both rang out simultaneously.

“How is my favorite patient feeling?”

“As my Mama would say, ‘like a pea on a plank.’”

“Say what?” 

“You’ll have to get used to her Appalachian euphemisms.” Sharon snorted.

“Clearly,” The doctor held back a snort. “What does that even mean?”

“Suffice it to say, a small-framed woman stuffed with two babies.” 

“Uh-huh,” instantly an image hit the doctor’s brain and she laughed. “Oh!”

Brenda was adorably losing her patience. “Y’all can make fun of me later. How ‘bout we check on my babies, huh?”

”Your babies?” Sharon side-eyed her and finally Brenda smiled.

“Yes, Chief.” Penny mock saluted.

As per usual, applying the frosty blue gel, the doctor pressed the wand to the belly searching for her tiniest patients.  This time with haste, two little wiggly masses with growing arms and legs appeared on the screen.  

“Look at them!” Sharon couldn’t stop the exclamation from falling from her lips.

“Our bab…” Brenda’s voice froze in her throat.

Penny moved her device around, doing her due diligence before answering. “Looks like two little humans to me.” 

Completing scans and measurements, the doctor reassured the couple that everything was fine and to keep doing exactly what they’d been doing.

“Are you still thinking she’ll need induction?” Sharon asked.

“Neither induction nor cesarean are off the table. The way the babies are measuring, Brenda might beg me near the end.”

“Don’t tell me that.”

“Just think of the outcome, honey. It helps, most of the time.” Sharon leaned down and kissed her forehead.

”Speaking of the end, if I do have to be induced when are we talking?”

”Around mid May. Could be a good Mother’s Day gift.”

“Mother’s Day,” Brenda finally broke out another grin. “Never thought I’d actually have the title to qualify for that holiday.”

Sharon laid her hands over the bump again. “You will from now on.”

When Brenda’s eyes cut sharply away from the screen and toward her partner’s face, Penny took great pleasure in interrupting the moment. “Would you like to know the genders?”

Both women froze eyes locked on one another, suddenly drawn by the idea of having solid evidence of who was coming. Sharon was the first to recover enough to speak.

“Do you want to know?”

“I think I do. Is that bad, baby?” The younger woman looked nervous.

“Absolutely not. I found out early with Ricky and Emily. At least for me, knowing made the waiting easier.”

Brenda pondered as she’d done for a while, then feeling another flutter from within, her eyes snapped back to the screen above her head.  Seeing the legs and arms dancing around, her mind decided for her and she spoke with no hesitation. 

“Ok then. I need to know.”

Penny migrated her equipment one final time, and with a twist of her head and her professional eye, she smiled. “One boy, one girl.”

“Really?” Sharon’s voice rose an octave.

“Without a doubt. And you see this here?” Penny pointed at the monitor. “They each have their own placenta, so fraternal twins.”

“A boy and a girl! Honey…”

“Oh my…”  Brenda paused, looking up into jade eyes in disbelief.

Sharon leaned down kissing her lips, brow, and the crown of her head—thankful, blessed, and amazed at the result of all the worry and work they had lived through. “Yes,” the brunette’s eyes cut from her lover to the screen. “Those two little beings are ours. Our son and our daughter.”

“Doc…Penny, I know you said it already, but I can’t think right now…are they alright?” Brenda nearly stuttered.

“They are perfect.” 

“You can’t say that if you don’t mean it.”

“First of all, I would never say something I didn’t mean,” Penny winked at Sharon. “Secondly, if you don’t think I want these babies just as much as you do, you are sadly mistaken.”

“So…”

Sharon laid a hand over an arm and a kiss on her lips. “We’re going to have two beautiful babies.”

And then and there, every ounce of trepidation in Brenda instantly melted away.  Her brown eyes fluttered back and forth between the woman she loved and the product of their union.  Still, somehow, the idea of a pair of humans she would have to raise from the ground up frightened her, yet looking into the face of their mother erased every bit of her doubt.

Chapter Text

For all the major milestones moving in the right direction in Brenda’s life, there seemed to be seven more going wrong.  At six months pregnant her babies were perfect and growing rapidly, which finally forced her to stop trying to hide beneath oversized sweaters and blazers.  Unfortunately, that led to a reveal to her division that ended in a lack of surprise, yet culminating in a full discussion of how she wasn’t carrying a rape baby.  Sharon tried her level best to explain and erase the awful memory, but to no avail.  What should have been a happy moment turned to tears, anguish, and an entire squad room full of guilty detectives.  

Then came the call no daughter wants to get.  Brenda’s mother and father broke the news of Clay’s cancer diagnosis on the same call she told them she was finally adding to their brood of grandchildren.  Again, Brenda’s laughter turned to sobs and she was beginning to feel like she deserved the torture.  A little while later, with Peter Goldman caught and another gang murder solved—she gets tagged with the “Johnson Rule”.  Sharon was forced to chase her down, mostly as The Captain but more importantly as a lover though they couldn’t show it in the halls of the LAPD.

Add to all that a new Deputy District Attorney.  Claire Baldwin was a devil at her job and a pain in Brenda’s ass, especially where Philip Stroh was concerned. To make matters ultimately worse, Captain Raydor was still point-blank focused on the leak in Major Crimes, and as important as it was Chief Johnson loathed hearing about it over and over.  

Thankfully there were some events that even Brenda couldn’t help but be excited about.  Beyond the horror of Stroh, Goldman, Baylor, Taylor, Pope—a never-ending list—Sharon came home to the condo after making a suspiciously early exit from her duties on a random Thursday.  When the door clicked open, Brenda almost dropped the tongs into her pot of boiling pasta. Outside of work, she waffled between nesting and practicing her skills as a domestic princess.  That night the effort equated to clam linguine and a huge mess in the kitchen.

“Honey?” Sharon kicked off her heels and slipped on her furry boots, suddenly worrying about the heavy smell of garlic hanging in the air.

Brenda rounded the corner wiping her hands on the apron barely covering her stomach.  “Hi, baby.”

“What…what are you doing?”

“You left early today, and I got done faster than I expected, so I thought I’d make you dinner.” The blonde grinned. “Clam linguine, I hope that’s okay.”

With a deep kiss, Sharon rubbed her hands over the babies. “It’s perfect.”

“So why’d you take off anyway?” 

“I have a surprise for you.”

“What?” Brenda froze and turned back toward her partner.

“Among other things, I had to go get a new driver’s license.”

“Really? How come?”

“Maybe you should just look at it.” Sharon winked, then let her face morph to a playfully serious expression.

Taking the ID from her hand, Brenda stared at it for an extended minute.  She looked at the picture, obviously updated from the matching outfit Sharon was still wearing, then she moved on to the print.  She had to read it several times before the difference finally dawned.

“Sharon Eireen O’Dwyer?” The sound came out as a question, accompanied by an upturn of shock and surprise.

“Yeah, what do you think?”

“Wait, you dropped the Raydor?”

“I did.”

“But why?”

“Well,” Sharon shrugged almost shyly then pulled Brenda close, rubbing warm hands up and down her arms. “Since we decided against marriage, I thought it better not to carry around my ex-husband’s name.”

“You did this for me?” Moisture pooled on the younger woman’s eyelids.

“Honey, I’d do anything for you. Why wouldn’t I do this?”

“I mean,” a small sob broke forth. “What about Ricky and Emily? Won’t they be upset if you don’t share a last name?”

“Hey…” Sharon kissed her again. “They share their last name with their father. It doesn’t change how much I love them—besides, they’re both too excited about their new siblings to care.”

“Are you sure?”

“I am. Both of them knew long before you did.”

“Did they?”

“Yes, and I promise they’re fine. By the way, they each made me swear to give them the plan when Penny decides you’re too big to stay pregnant. They both want to be here when the babies come.”

“Ugh, I feel too pregnant now.” Brenda huffed then let her eyes plead. “They really want to be here?”

“So, so much. They love you and thing one and thing two.” Sharon rubbed at the belly again.

“You know Mama and Daddy said the same thing. Where are we gonna put all these people?”

“There’s plenty of time to decide that later. Why don’t we enjoy our dinner now?”

Just as the words left Sharon’s mouth, raucous bubbling beckoned from the stove.

“Oh! Shoot! My sauce is boiling over.” Brenda waddled away as quickly as her little swollen feet would take her.

“You should probably check that pasta too.”

With a laugh, Sharon followed her into the kitchen.  When the dinner crisis was calmed, she grabbed plates and set them down on the counter.  No matter the mess her lover had made in the kitchen or any of the catastrophes happening at work, she was right where she wanted to be.  All her focus was on keeping Brenda healthy and happy, and for now, that satisfied them both.  

“Ms. O’Dwyer, your dinner is served.”  Brenda set her plate on the placemat at the head of the dinner table, then stood back waving an arm toward her chair.

“Why thank you, Ms. Johnson.” She sat down, looking up with fiery green eyes. “This looks delicious. I’m very much looking forward to dessert.”

“Hmm, we’ll see.”

**

Seven months commenced with shenanigans from Brenda’s favorite Lieutenants, Flynn and Provenza.  The only reward for dealing with their nonsense was that in light of Major Crimes' necessary connection with FID, she got to work hip-to-hip with Sharon.  Neither of them longed to wait around for a dog to poop, but it was better than being separated.

Luckily, hanging around the PAB while the rest of the squad was out on a stakeout they set up to solve the case, turned out to be a lot of fun.  Sitting in Brenda’s office, listening to the drama with kettle corn and soda, the two women cuddled while no one else was around.

“How do you deal with these idiots all the time?” Sharon laughed.

“Hey, they're not all bad.” 

“I deal with every division in the LAPD, and while I can admit not all of them are the smartest, Flynn and Provenza take the cake.”

Brenda sat up, rubbing at her tummy. “You’ve got me there.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah…I think all the sugar is making thing one and thing two jumpy.”

Out of instinct, Sharon shifted on the sofa and pressed her palms to the belly.  Suddenly a limb of unknown origin pressed forth through her partner’s skin.

“Oh!”

“See, I told you.” Brenda grinned at the euphoric expression on Sharon’s face. 

The brunette leaned down pressing her lips to the bump for a moment then pulled back. “Hello, my little one.”

At the sound of her voice, two more prominent lumps pushed forth. Brenda let out a grunt at the sharp shift, but smiled anyway.

“They always seem to recognize you.”

“I hope so.”

“Oh, they do. Believe me, they do.” 

Before either woman could lose themselves marveling at the moment, both of their cellphones rang.  Snapping instantly back to the Captain and the Chief, they both answered—needing movement on the case, but abhorring the timing.  The only redeeming fact that came when Brenda’s team filed back into the murder room was that their victim's partner had given up the target of the thieving murderers. As they covered the details of what had transpired, Brenda suddenly began to gag.

“Chief, it smells like the evidence might be on the way.” Julio took too much pleasure in the situation.

Sharon jumped, intent on keeping her lover from losing her snacks all over the office. “Liz, why don’t you and I take Frank for another walk?”

Provenza’s first ex smiled. “That’s not a bad idea. He’s getting that expression on his face.”

“Thank you so much.” Brenda swallowed the bile in her throat.

Sharon eyed her knowingly, then quickly turned for the elevator bank.  When Flynn voluntarily asked how he could help, the Chief sent him off with her partner to collect their evidence.  She meant business, but the humor of it settled her stomach.

Blessedly the remainder of the case fell together like a perfectly placed set of dominoes.  It was all Sharon could do to stand by while Brenda went off to point guns at dangerous criminals, yet still she held her tongue. It was a good thing she didn’t see how Chief Johnson mock flirted with their main suspect, or else, all hell would have broken loose. But they both enjoyed the ending.

“I can’t believe I had to beg Pope to investigate this murder with you,” Brenda whispered.

“It’s hard being close to people you work with. It’s always hard. You’ve got to be patient with people who drive you crazy.” The Captain smirked. “I find that good relationships sometimes depend on what you’re willing to overlook.”

Brenda sighed. “I guess it’s a good thing we found that out a long time ago.”

“You got that right, honey.” Sharon advanced on her lover, pressing their lips together while her hands wandered over her children.

“Chief!” Julio broke the spell between them.

“Would you two get a room already?” Flynn grinned knowing he was going to pay for his comment.

The two women kissed again while Brenda’s entire squad, and Frank, looked on.  Despite their issues and any cases that came their way, every person in that room was family.  And it wouldn’t be long before said brood would be a whole lot bigger.

Chapter Text

Brenda’s thirty-second week began with a beckoning call from St. Angelos.  The Catholic Church had never been high on her list of priorities, but the murder of a priest quickly changed all that.  In light of her parents being in town—mostly to get her father much better cancer treatments than in Atlanta, yet also because of the fast-approaching end to her pregnancy—she stayed off scene and let her team get the case started.

To add insult to injury, having set up her family in a rental property, she was spending far more time away from Sharon than she’d like.  Brenda had to help Clay and Willie Rae get acclimated, but doing it whilst deep in the throes of growing two entire humans, was almost too much. She wanted to be home, to help her lover decorate the babies’ room, to try and prepare herself for all the changes soon to come.  It just wasn’t meant to be.

When she did arrive on the scene, barely fitting behind the wheel of her cruiser with what looked suspiciously like a beach ball under her blouse, the war was already on.  Heavily pregnant or not, Brenda found her way into the murdered priest's room and Chief Pope wasn’t having it. After a very personal shouting match, she was more determined than ever.

Then the person she loved most, but hated to see coming at work was suddenly planted at her desk.  Sharon was doing everything she could to keep the peace, but given her position and her own relationship with the Catholic Church none of it was easy.  Pope was clearly using the Captain to assert his authority, but the two women had their own way of getting the job done.  It helped that they understood one another while maintaining complete professionalism, and that Sharon had her partner’s back no matter what.

When it was finally uncovered who was responsible for the murder, and the church was cleared, some semblance of balance was restored—at least with the LAPD.  Sharon made sure Pope was on the up and up, and he himself had a long talk with Brenda.  He tried so hard to make her believe that his moving upstairs was the cause of all the drama, but in truth, seeing her pregnant and happy for the last few months had taken a toll on him.  From his perspective, his life was changing too, and he just couldn’t reconcile doing it without her.

Finally free of work yet swollen to a point of misery, Brenda left the office the following morning and headed straight to check on her parents.  When she walked into the small house, seeing her father working hard on breakfast was a welcome sight.  Willie Rae came out of the bedroom wearing a big smile, but before the two could hug or even speak, everything came to a screeching halt.  As Brenda went to hug her mother, she grabbed her chest and hollered out in pain.  She held the older woman up, and her father tried his best to assist, but it was only by some miracle that at that moment Sharon stepped through the kitchen door.

A rampant phone call, voices raised, lights and sirens all seemed to happen out of nowhere. Then Brenda found herself being thrust into a chair in the hospital with no logical reason why.  It wasn’t until her lover kneeled squarely in front of her that she had any sense of the world around her.

“Honey…” Sharon stroked her cheek, trying to hide her own overwhelmed expression.

“Huh?”

“The doctor says your mother is going to be alright.”

“What?” The blonde was clearly lost and disillusioned. 

“Brenda, look at me. Listen to the sound of my voice.” 

Finally, she found Sharon’s piercing green eyes.

“I’m sorry, baby, what did you say?”

“Willie Rae is going to be fine.”

“She is?”

“Yes. The doctor said she suffered a mild heart attack, and she needed a stent to clear a blockage, but they were able to get her in quickly and her prognosis is good.”

Brenda tried to say something, anything, but the only sounds that came from her mouth were ragged, choked, gasps for breath.  Then the tears came. Relief, exhaustion, and many other adjectives she couldn’t express poured in solid streams down her cheeks.  It didn’t matter how much Sharon’s knees hurt jammed into the cold tile floor, she simply held her lover and whispered in her ear.

**

Thirty-four weeks started with a call for an officer down in the Valley.  As per usual in such a situation, the Captain and the Chief received the early call, but only one of them jumped directly out of bed.  With Brenda’s mother out of the hospital and healing, and despite her father’s misgivings, Brenda hired a nurse to keep watch over them.  The constant whining from her folks only lasted a bit, which blessedly freed her up to spend her nights back home with Sharon.

Just about the time the brunette was dressed, the call came that their victim was in fact not an LAPD officer, but a security guard.  Grabbing her cell, the Chief called her team and got them started, then begged Sharon to sit down next to her on the sofa.  While Flynn, Provenza, and the crew pushed through to dawn, important things happened in the condo.

“Please, baby…”

“Oh, fine, I know your detectives don’t technically need me, but I’ve been trying to be there so you didn’t have to.” Sharon kicked off her heels and unceremoniously flopped down against the cushions.

“It’s not an officer-involved shooting, and while I sincerely appreciate everything you do for me, my team can handle it.” Brenda let her bottom lip poke out.

“You want something, don’t you?”

“I want a lot of things.”

The brunette grinned. “Uh-huh.”

“What?”

“Out with it, Brenda Leigh.”

Rubbing her hands over the babies, the blonde returned her lover's grin. “Not much, I mean…it’s just, it won’t be long before we have the babies and…”

The stalling made Sharon grin even wider.  She knew exactly what Brenda was asking for, because minus the issues with her parents, late pregnancy made all her appetites plentiful.  

“Hmm, pancakes? Maybe cheesecake for breakfast? Or…”

Brenda wriggled impatiently as her partner toyed with her.

“Or this…” Hastily, Sharon lunged forward kissing her neck and then sucking at it, sure to leave a noticeable bruise.  

Moaning unashamedly, Brenda tilted her head, opening herself to much more of the luscious distraction.  Sharon was the one person she could count on to ease her worries, pain, and always leave her smiling in her wake.  Without another word, out in the middle of the living room, Brenda was suddenly naked and somehow molded in the perfect position for optimum comfort and pleasure.  Never mind the perfectly quaffed hair or her makeup set in place, Sharon gladly took the task of providing a spectacular orgasm.  With tongue, teeth, and hands, it wasn’t long at all before the blonde was screaming and panting for breath.

“Ohhh…”

“Feel better?”

“Lord, yes…”

“Good, now I’ve got to get to work.” Sharon shot her a sinfully hungry look, then stood quickly before her lover could protest.

“No!” Brenda’s voice came out as a squeak, yet she still lay back against the pillows. “I wanted to return the favor.”

“You will, oh believe me, you will.”

And with that, Sharon stepped back into her heels and disappeared down the hall.

“Ohhh, that woman!” Brenda laughed then rubbed at her taut midsection.  If she could chase her she would have, but it was a battle lost long before the moment came and went.

**

Thirty-six weeks began on an entirely wrong note.  The fact that Brenda was even more fully swollen with the twins was a felicitous thing, still at the same time without her partner’s knowledge, Sharon was investigating a personal hell.  The Chief was distracted with another pertinent case, but the Captain was inundated with guilt over a truth they’d both wanted to know for a long while.  One so damn close to the impending birth, she didn’t want to admit.

The moment that Sharon pulled Detective Gabriel out of the interview room, Brenda knew what was happening, and the second she and David were alone in her office all hell broke loose.  The two shouted at each other to the point of breathlessness, but the moment culminated in Gabriel admitting his guilt to his entire team.  It felt to everyone as though the crew was suddenly falling apart, only God or maybe the universe had other plans.

At thirty-six weeks and five days, her trusted right hand still a part of the squad, Brenda was roused by another early morning call.  Even though Penny had encouraged her to keep working until the point of no return, Sharon objected loudly to no avail.  The babies were healthy and thriving, and the doctor saw no reason to rush to conclusions when the little ones could only be that much stronger the longer they stayed snuggled inside their mother.  With a scheduled C-section only three days away, the Chief showed up to her crime scene, struggling heartily but determined.

Like the boss she was, Brenda ran the investigation without missing a beat.  That is, until all loose ends unexpectedly tied to the one person she hoped to lock up forever, or more preferably never hear from again. Philip Stroh. No one else on her team could be certain of the identity of the man in their surveillance video, but deep in her gut Chief Johnson was sure beyond a shadow of a doubt.  Of course, all the men around her thought she was deranged and looking for a scapegoat.  Then there was Sharon. 

The Captain had to play hardball and both sides simultaneously, but that equated to the two women working side-by-side to bring down a killer.  Unfortunately, the young man who’d called the crime spree in was uncooperative and full of sass.  The part of Brenda about to give birth couldn’t help her sympathy going out to the boy.  Sharon looked on from electronics, in a flash feeling the same pull as her partner. But of course, the Chief had a plan.

Just like clockwork, Stroh showed up like a beacon in broad daylight.  Routinely, the cocky son-of-a-bitch thought he had every angle covered.  Seeing his favorite Police Chief waddle into the interview room made his swagger even more exaggerated.  When he’d had enough, the rapist and murderer aimed for a swift exit. Then he made a fatal mistake—telling Brenda he was sorry to hear about her mother’s heart attack, he touched a nerve deep and ineradicable inside her.   

In the next second, she hurled her swollen body towards him, smashing his smug face into the wall of the elevator.  She knew exactly what she was doing, however ill-timed it may be.  With Andrea Hobbs and the young Rusty at her back, her plan was revealed.  And Stroh was at the end of his rope.  Sharon was privy to none of it, and ordered by Chief Pope to handle the violation, it was all the Captain could do to move forward.

After all was said and done, the criminal was pulled back in for questioning, Chief Johnson was home and resting, and Sharon was livid and left alone at the precinct to file paperwork.  Meanwhile at the condo, Brenda and Rusty sparred relentlessly.  Losing her job was a decision she made all on her own, but her instincts and thoughts of her own mother wouldn’t allow her to abandon the kid like the woman who gave birth to him had.  His mouth however, was leading her down a path to regret.

When Rusty was thoroughly fed, Brenda slowly began asking him questions about how he’d gotten to the point at which they’d found him.  Grateful as he was for a hot meal and a roof over his head, he was having none of her inquiries, and the two went off to separate areas to sleep wholly aggravated by one another.  A couple of hours later, Sharon leaned heavily against the elevator wall, wishing it to move faster to the eleventh floor.  When the bell finally rang and she stepped out into the common space, immediately the cop in her felt something was off.

Slinking to the end of the hallway, the first thing she saw was the door to her apartment cracked open about an inch.  No matter her flippancy toward policy, Brenda would never purposefully put Rusty in danger.  Reaching into her bag and pulling out her gun, Sharon aimed prepared for a barrage then kicked the door more widely open.  At first, there was only darkness and her eyes struggled to adjust, until the main switch was flipped and she was abhorred by the sight of Philip Stroh standing in her living room holding Brenda, pressing a Bowie knife to her throat.

“Let her go!” She aimed dead at his head, terrified to pull the trigger, but she wouldn’t let it show.

“Now why would I do that?” Stroh pressed the weapon closer, right over the jugular.

“Baby…Sharon…just let him have what he wants.” Brenda pleaded, careful not to move toward the blade.

“Aww, baby… such a sweet pet name. Especially since you two are apparently supposed to have a baby. Soon, from the looks of it.” Stroh dragged Brenda toward the door of the condo inch by inch.

“Don’t!” Sharon screamed. “Whatever it is that you want… just tell me.” She never dropped her aim.

“God, you must love this bitch.” He seethed. “Drop the gun and we’ll talk. Go on… set it down on the table behind you and I won’t cut her throat.”

Moving painfully slowly, Sharon did as he asked, only then noticing the sandy blond hair of the boy over the back of the sofa—stiff and unmoving.  Her gut reaction was to believe he was already dead, but what good would that do for Stroh?  When her hands were free, she held them up in mock surrender.

“Okay, you got what you wanted. Just please let her go.”

“You really thought it was going to be that easy, Captain?” He pulled the knife closer, visibly breaking the skin this time.

Brenda did her best not to make a sound, but as a thick drop of blood ran down her neck, a strangled yelp escaped her.

“No!” Sharon reacted with her gut while holding her hands in plain sight. “You’re a smart guy, of course, it wouldn’t be that easy.”

“Look at that,” he smiled evilly. “She really does love you, Brenda.” 

The younger woman couldn’t help the shudder that ran through her when he accentuated her name.  Chestnut eyes stared deep into jade, yet still she managed an unspoken message that Sharon clearly understood.

“Mr. Stroh, there is no real evidence against you, and the DNA that DDA Hobbs told you she had, it’s from Brenda jumping on you in the elevator today. It’s all made up.”

“You’re just like her, all of you, you always lie. Who can trust you? Right, Rusty?” 

The second the felon used the boy's name, Sharon knew he was still alive. And in an instant, she had a plan.

“What little you do have only matters if she and the kid can corroborate it…”

With lightning precision, Sharon grabbed her gun off the bureau beside her and fired a shot into the air.  Stroh jumped and fumbled his knife while Rusty hopped off the couch to a standing position.  Like a perfectly-timed magic trick, Brenda wriggled free and with his agile body, the boy seemed to fly across the room tackling the criminal to the ground.  In an instant, Stroh was overtaken while Rusty held him in a mock suplex.  As hard as it was, adrenaline fueled Brenda and after she plummeted to the ground, she dragged herself to safe cover behind one of the armchairs.

Sharon kept her nine millimeter aimed at Stroh.  Out of desperation, the grown man resorted to throwing punches at a teenage boy, battering and bloodying him. Yet the moment she had a clear shot, Sharon took it, hitting him first in the arm and then in the chest.  For a moment he lay there, shock taking over his pompous face.  Somehow even with two bullets in him, he managed to find his knife again, swinging wildly and slashing Rusty across his shin.  Out of nowhere Brenda popped up from her hiding spot, punching him squarely in the jaw.  Instantly her hand hurt, but seeing the man she’d always known was a killer, vulnerable, and unconscious in front of her pushed the pain away.

“Brenda! Back up…”

“Don’t worry, babe… he’s not going anywhere.” The younger woman was more confident than she’d ever been. “Rusty, are you okay?”

When the boy didn’t answer and she looked down to see him crying and bleeding under the hand held over his leg, Brenda looked up at Sharon.  No words were needed beyond that point, and the brunette laid down her gun in favor of her cell phone.

“This is Captain Sharon Raydor, LAPD, officer needs help at 4411 Los Feliz Boulevard Apartment 1143, 90027. I need two ambulances, paramedics, and backup.” Sharon paused briefly. “No, sir, I shot somebody.”

As soon as the call was disconnected, Sharon and Brenda looked at each other desperately.  The older of the two let relief wash over her and started to move toward her partner. Alas, the respite didn’t last long. As soon as she pulled Brenda close to her body, she could feel a radiant tension.

“Honey…”

The blonde looked up into her eyes, tears welling on her lower eyelids.

“I think we may need a third ambulance.”

“Why?”

Looking down at the pool of fluid beneath her, growing more prominent by the second and clenching against burgeoning tension in her abdomen, Brenda grunted and puffed. “I think my water just broke.”

Chapter Text

As was somehow typical for Captain Raydor and Chief Johnson, what should have been a peaceful night ended with lights, sirens, and blood all over the condo.  Their home was a legitimate crime scene, now crawling with detectives. Philip Stroh was rushed away to end up in surgery with armed guards posted outside the OR.  Rusty was taken directly to triage, the deep gash on his leg debrided and stitched.  Physicians insisted that the young man be admitted, so that for at least a couple of days, he’d be in a controlled environment.  The third patient, however, was still sitting on the sofa, a significant pile of towels beneath her.

Even surrounded by the horror of the attack, the second Brenda announced that her water had broken; it was as if a sort of ethereal calm fell over both women.  Just before the team arrived to begin their investigation, Sharon tried to convince her that they needed to go ahead and make their way to the hospital. Since she wasn’t experiencing any real pain yet, with a sly grin the younger woman reminded Sharon she couldn’t leave the scene of her action until she’d given her statement.  The ridiculousness of the sudden shift in roles made the brunette laugh in the face of adversity, so they held in place and tight to each other.

Despite the severity of the situation, as they finally departed the condo all their coworkers smiled and wished them well, a hearty reminder of how blessed they were.  Just as they stepped out of the elevator and into the parking garage, Brenda suddenly stopped in her tracks and clung to Sharon with brute force.  

“I’ve got you honey…breathe.” She held her upright and put a hand beneath her belly for support.

Brenda made no sound, but scrunched her face as she squeezed what were sure to be bruises on Sharon’s forearms.  

“Was that the first one?” Sharon leaned close to her ear and whispered.

“No…well, the first one that really hurt.” 

“Sounds like progress to me,” she smiled. “I’ll start timing them. Can you move?”

Brenda let out a deep breath. “Yeah.”

“Let’s go have some babies then.”

On the fourth floor of Cedars-Sinai, the journey was becoming more and more real by the minute.  While the couple had waited on official business, Sharon called Penny directly—the personal relationship they’d built served the advantage of expedited arrival.  Now, Brenda was in a gown and a bed, monitors all around and over her.  Just thirty-six hours prior to her scheduled cesarean, they had important decisions to make.  The tall redheaded Doctor scanned, poked, prodded, and invaded her body, all while Brenda lay back with her eyes closed, anticipating news she didn’t want to hear.

“You’re doing amazing, Brenda.”

The blonde grunted through the end of a contraction. “Why do I feel like there is a ‘but’ coming?”

“No, ma’am, only choices.” Penny smiled.

“Concerning what?” Sharon answered while her lover lay back breathing out her building exhaustion.

“First and foremost, whether she wants to continue to labor or go ahead with the C-section.”

Brenda had the wherewithal to appear shocked at the option, yet still she looked to her partner who didn’t shy away from speaking in her stead.

“Since you’re offering a choice, I’m assuming everything is still alright with the babies.”

“Absolutely.  Your girl is head down deep in the birth canal, and it was her sac that ruptured.  Baby boy is still in the vertical position next to his sister as he was a couple of days ago at your appointment.”

Sharon looked back and forth between her partner and the doctor. “So there’s no danger?” 

“No, of course not. I promise we wouldn’t be talking if there were. Both babies' heart rates are perfect and there are no signs of distress. That’s why I’m offering the option.”

Before she could add anything to the conversation, another piercing cramp seized Brenda’s belly.  As stretched as her skin was with two little people inside her, the contraction was visible even on the outside of her body.  Sharon and Penny each grabbed a hand and let her clamp down upon them until the pain let up.  When her eyes slipped closed and she breathed steadily, Brenda finally spoke.

“I want to keep going.”

“Okay, okay,” the doctor rubbed at her patient’s shoulder. “Here’s what we’re going to do. You're four centimeters right now, still early labor, but since your contractions are so regular I’m positive that will change quickly. If you still want it, I’m going to order your epidural.”

“Didn’t you say last week she should get it in case of an emergency?” Sharon let her concerns show. Sure she’d been on the other side of the experience, but the view was very different watching the person she loved go through it.

“I did. The pain relief is secondary in this case.  More importantly, if something should happen and I need to operate quickly, I won’t have to wait.”

Brenda managed a weak smile. “The answer is yes regardless. I know it’s only gonna get worse.” She lifted her eyes to Sharon’s. “We’ll be okay, baby.”

Penny smiled. “Good. For now, both of you need to rest as much as possible. I’ve got another couple of patients on the floor, but I’ll be here when you need me.  When the little ones do decide to appear, each one has a team already waiting to take care of them. And since you made it to nearly thirty-seven weeks, we’re already way ahead of the game.”

“Thank you…ugh.” The blonde's words were cut short by abrupt agony.

Sharon returned the strong grip on her hand and let her green eyes meet the doctor’s. “For everything, thank you.”

“It’s my pleasure. I’ll be back soon.”

From there, time seemed to stretch into long strands like meandering paths through an unfamiliar landscape—for Brenda at least.  Undulating waves of pain were all she could focus on, until an hour or so after Penny had left.  The anesthesiologist almost bounced into the room, and she wanted to punch the man just like she’d done to Stroh.  Before the drugs.  Once the catheter was placed, her center of attention went entirely to her babies.  Sharon enfolded herself in being everything her partner needed from one moment to the next.  On the inside, she was nervous right alongside Brenda, but she was intent on making sure her lover would never have to look back on the birth of her children with any sense of loneliness or unmet need.

Long after the sun came up the next morning, Brenda was once again getting her thirty minutes of rest before the next round of having hands in places she’d rather not think about.  At last check, she was eight centimeters dilated, and Penny had promised the end was near.  Sharon was right by her side, feet up in a recliner.  Through the night and early morning, she’d talked to Clay, Willie Rae, Emily, Ricky, and members of their LAPD family, but begged them all to leave them their privacy. Just for the time being.  Brenda was especially grateful, since her parents never seemed to listen to her.

Dozing in and out, Sharon suddenly heard her name, but for a moment thought she was dreaming. 

“Sharon!” Brenda cried out, not in pain but sheer desperation.

The older woman shot out of her chair with lightning precision. “What is it, honey?”

If not for the panic she was feeling, Brenda would have laughed at her partner’s bone-weary fumbling. “Something’s happening…”

“What do you feel?”

“I…it’s like…”

“Pressure? Like you need to poop?”

Brenda was suddenly mortified. “Uh-huh.”

“Hold on sweetheart,” She calmly reached out and pushed the call button beside her. 

“I don’t think I can…” 

Instinct forced Sharon to lift the blankets and sheets away from Brenda's legs, and what she found took all the calm she had been perilously gripping onto and tossed it out the window. 

“Oh my…uh, okay, wow.”

“What! What’s wrong?” Brenda grunted through gritted teeth. 

“Nothing. The baby’s crowning.”

Letting her body do the work, in an instant Brenda breathed out in relief.  Before either woman could acknowledge the other, Penny and one of her nurses filed around the curtain maintaining their private space.  When the doctor peered over Sharon’s shoulder, she gently nudged her aside with a wink.

“Don’t push, Brenda. Baby’s head is out. Just hold on a sec for me.” 

The nurse reached in and took just enough time to clear the child’s nose and mouth before her patient was grunting again. 

“Alright, we’re clear. Big, big push. Shoulders are the hard part.”

And she did just that.  Staring into Sharon’s deep green eyes, Brenda gave her first baby everything she had.  She pushed with the force of all the pent-up frustration she’d endured in her life, she pushed mightily remembering lost love and her first child that was never meant to be. She cleansed herself of the hatred she’d long carried for Fritz and Stroh. Then suddenly there was nothing—except for Sharon and the beautiful resounding cries of their daughter.

When the tiny wailing creature was laid across her abdomen, Brenda freed her hands needing to make sure the baby was alright.  There were no words as she found ten fingers, ten toes, and gorgeous rolls along her arms and legs.  Looking up to her lover in disbelief, the tears came.

“Look what you did,” Sharon kissed her sweaty forehead. “I’m so proud of you.”

Penny was gracious enough to let them bask for a little while as she watched and waited to see how Brenda’s contractions would rebound.  When they showed clear signs of slowing, she had to get back to work. As much as she hated to, she ordered her nurse to take the baby.

“Brenda, your contractions have slowed down more than I would like. We need to get them going again quickly so we can get baby boy here safely.”

“Okay.” 

“Good girl. We’re going to give you some medicine and I’m going to have Sharon massage your chest a little while I check the position of the baby, is that okay?”

“Yeah…”

Sharon was on her toes and ready. “What do I need to do?”

“Gentle massage over her areolas. Try to emulate a baby breastfeeding. It works the fastest to get the uterus contracting again.”

“Honey look at me,” the brunette kissed her lover, quickly distracting her from the initial touch and all the necessary eyes in front of her.

While they were focused on one another, Penny palmed Brenda’s belly, searching for the second baby’s position.  He was still facing down, thankfully, but as she checked the station of his head internally, all bets were suddenly off. 

“Ok girls, don’t be alarmed, but change of plans.”

Sharon’s hands stopped moving and her head snapped up. “What’s going on?” 

“Baby is fine, but his umbilical cord is prolapsed.”

Suddenly Brenda was panicked. “What does that mean?”

“It just means the cord is coming out in front of him. His sister probably had a foot caught in it. He’s not in any distress because he’s still high up, but we need to get him out now.”

“Don’t worry honey, you both will be fine. Penny won’t let anything happen to either one of you.” Sharon saw the anxiety forcing Brenda’s pupils wide.

Tears immediately poured down the blonde’s reddened cheeks. Before Sharon could offer any more relief, two more nurses rushed in. In quick order monitors were disengaged, the rails on the bed were up and Brenda was whisked from the room.  

Even though she knew what was happening had always been a possibility, a feeling of emptiness settled heavily in Sharon’s gut.  She trusted that Penny would do everything possible to keep Brenda and their baby boy safe, but standing alone was hard to bear.  Then like a beacon, the nurse who had stayed behind was standing in front of her out of the blue.

When the sounds of sweet mewling hit her ears, Sharon’s entire outlook transformed.  Looking down at her brand-new daughter, cleaned and swaddled, was exactly what she needed.  Happily tucking the baby into her arms, she stared like she was memorizing everything about her.  Then a tiny foot broke free from the hospital blanket, and when she noticed the bracelet around her little ankle that read ‘Baby Girl Johnson’, fresh tears streaked down her cheeks.

Gratefully Penny was true to her word. Before Sharon ever had a chance to sit or get comfortable, one of the OR nurses appeared in the room to retrieve her.  Temporarily trading her the baby for a pair of disposable scrubs and a cap, she let Sharon slip them on then handed her child back and helped tie the strings behind her.

“You ready to meet your baby boy?”

“Yes, please.”

“He’s just as gorgeous as she is,” the nurse grinned, then pulled her mask back up. “Bring her with you. Let’s go.”

Before they were inside the swinging door of the operating room, Sharon could hear their son bawling.  When she rounded the corner, Brenda’s eyes immediately bore into hers.  The chasmic intimacy that perpetually lived between them seemed to swell to an impossible new peak.

“You hear him, baby?” 

“I do. He sounds just like his Mommy.” Sharon grinned.

“I know you don’t mean me.”

Stealing a kiss, the brunette held their daughter out in front of her. Brenda laid her lips on a soft cheek, nearly drowning in the new baby smell. 

“Sharon…” she held back profuse emotion. 

“I know honey, I feel it too.”

As the parents gazed at one another, a tap came on Sharon’s shoulder. When she turned she couldn’t help the pride that bubbled up as Penny stood behind her grinning.  Holding their baby boy where Brenda could see him, the redhead looked back and forth between both women.

“Congratulations, Mamas.”

**

Twenty-four hours, a brutal raid of their home, a shooting that would turn to an arrest, a long labor, pushing, and a cesarean.  Even for seasoned police officers, it had been a hell of a day. But the result was more than worth the effort. One five-pound three-ounce girl, and a five-pound eleven-ounce boy.  The fact that they both were there and unquestionably healthy was the stuff dreams were made of.

Finally settled back into their birthing suite, Brenda stitched up and beginning to heal, each woman found themselves lying back with a baby against her skin.  Having just switched children after their little girl suckled like champ at Brenda’s chest, it was baby boy’s turn.  The first time mom, even sore, exhausted, and feeling pummeled by all the ups and downs, couldn’t ignore the elation of providing for her babies.  Sharon was simply content to look on at the wonderment etched into her features.  After their first diaper changes and naps for the entire family, Penny stopped in to check on them.

“How are you feeling, Brenda?”

“Physically, I’ve been better.” She reached over into the bassinet where the twins were snuggled together. “But having these two, I don’t care.”

“And Sharon?”

“I’m in heaven.”

“I’m glad to hear it. Do they have names yet?”

“Should we tell her, honey?” Sharon glanced at Brenda and then up at the doctor. “We haven’t even told our family yet.”

The blonde grinned. “I mean, if not for her they wouldn’t be here.”

Penny protested. “I wouldn’t go that far…”

“It's the truth and you know it.” Sharon stood and planted herself next to the bassinet. 

“Well, I’m grateful to have had the opportunity to make all of this real for the two of you.”

“As are we. Come here,” she pointed to their little boy. “This is Christian Alexander.”

“Such a beautiful boy,” Penny reached out and stroked his chubby cheek as he slept. “What inspired the name?”

“I had always wanted an Alexander and she loved Christian, so we put them together.”

“Very fitting for such a distinguished little gentleman.”

While she was distracted, the two mothers looked at each other excitedly. Sharon winked at her partner signaling her to break the news.

“And this is Penelope Rae.” 

Penny’s mouth fell open and moisture pooled in her eyes. “Oh…my goodness. You didn’t…”

“Our way of saying thank you,” Brenda cried with her. “Rae is my mother’s middle name and she was the only grandparent left without a namesake. But we didn’t want to pair it with any other name but yours.”

“I’m so incredibly honored, may I?” She nodded toward the baby.

“Of course.”

The Doctor tucked their little bundle into her arms and gasped as brown eyes that matched Brenda’s, suddenly blinked at her. “Welcome to the world, beautiful girl.”

All three women talked for a while longer before their Doctor turned friend departed to let them settle into their somewhat restless routine.  The only saving grace was that for the time being the babies were staying synced with one another.  After Sharon’s turn with the 3am round of feeding and changing, she got the little ones settled, and quietly tucked back into her recliner surprised to feel a pair of eyes on her.

“You’re supposed to be sleeping, ma’am.”

“I was,” Brenda whined playfully.

“But?”

“But I just can’t help but watch you with them. You’re an incredible mother, Sharon. I always suspected, but to see it is wonderful.”

“Thank you, but you’re pretty remarkable yourself.” 

“It’s a little early to tell.”

“Not for me. You wanted them so much, you loved them before you knew they were coming, and you did everything in your power to get them here. That is the textbook definition of a mother.”

“It’s you. You brought that out in me.”

“I believe it’s always been there.”

“And that’s why I love you.” Brenda smiled.

Sharon stood and kissed her partner in earnest. Then pulled back to find her gazing at her with a look of whimsy.

“I did something while you were sleeping.” Brenda suddenly sounded bashful.

“What?”

“I filled out the paperwork for the kids.”

“Oh good. I could have done that.”

“I wanted to, but I think you should read it before you agree.” The blonde reached for the stack of papers, handing them over.

Suddenly Sharon was worried. But it was not to last. As her eyes scanned line by line, Brenda watched as understanding dawned.  Emerald green eyes turned glassy all over again, then looked up to meet her face.

“Penelope Rae and Christian Alexander O’Dwyer?”

“What do you think?”

“I…I’m stunned, honey. Why?” 

“Because after everything we’ve been through in the last forty-eight hours, from Stroh to our two precious children, I realized something.”

“Tell me, please.”

“I want your name to be my name too.” 

“Are you saying…” Sharon’s voice cut out abruptly.

“I lied to you all those months ago, because I was scared that I would do something to make you leave me, but…”

“I’ve never wanted anyone more than I want you, Brenda Leigh. And I lied too. I’ve wanted to call you wife from the first time you ever landed in my bed. That has never changed.”

“Sharon…” her chin quivered. “Will you…marry me?”

The brunette lowered her lips to her lover’s ear. “With my whole heart. Yes.”

Chapter Text

Twelve hours after the babies were born, the hospital was crawling with Johnsons, O’Dwyers, Raydors, and the entirety of Major Crimes and FID.  Brenda and Sharon, however exhausted, were happy to let their closest friends and relatives meet the twins—with a clearly reiterated precedent that after they were all home, everyone would give them their peace. Penny promised to have the new family free by the end of the week, but with Brenda still raw and adjusting to breastfeeding and pumping, the doctor wasn’t going to rush things.

On top of all of that, little Penelope began to show a touch of jaundice, so it was better for her to stay put for phototherapy in the NICU.  Ricky and Emily were the first to arrive, and both of them instantly fell in love with their siblings.  Sharon had assumed that her daughter would instinctively feel comfortable with the babies, but to her surprise, it was her son who was the first to volunteer to change a diaper and give Christian a bottle.  Soon, he was lying back in a recliner with his sister on his chest.

Sharon couldn’t help herself. “Do you want kids in the future, honey?”

“Mom!” Ricky whispered his outrage so as not to scare the baby.

“What? I’m just asking.”

The young male copy of Sharon sighed and blushed, but settled into his mother’s inquiry.

“One day…yes.”

“Good, because you’re a natural.”

“Thanks…”

“Are you saying I’m not Mom?” Emily let her offense show.

“No…” Sharon tilted her head and smiled, yet the look faded quickly.

“Yes, you are.”

“I’m not…you just seem afraid.”

“Not afraid, just…” Emily’s voice caught in her throat, and she looked at Brenda then her mother.

Brenda didn’t hesitate to speak before her lover.  “Em…if you’re worried about me…”

“No, I just…” tears welled in the young woman’s eyes. “It’s not…”

“Emily,” Brenda reached out for her hand. “Look at me. I can’t imagine what you must be feeling, but I can promise you this…I love your mother, and these babies are proof of that.”

“I know,” Emily sniffed. “I shouldn’t feel this way, but I know they are going to have two parents who love them unconditionally.”

Hearing the words, Sharon’s heart clenched.  She adored her children and tried their entire lives to fill the void their father had left, but clearly, there were still gaping wounds. Standing and stepping around Brenda’s bed, Sharon clutched her eldest child to her chest.

“My baby…”

“I’m sorry, Mom…I’m so happy about the twins, but…”

“You don’t have to explain. I only hope you know how much I love you. If I could have made up for your father…”

“No, Mom. Please don’t. You’ve always done everything for us.”

“And I always will.”

Ricky chose that moment to speak up. “Sis, I told you a long time ago to let him go.”

“I know, and I understand. But you never got the five minutes of Jack Raydor that I got.” Emily pulled back from her mother and gazed lovingly at her brother. “He did both of us wrong.”

“He did, and if not for Mom, we never would have heard from him in the last ten years.”

“Ugh, I’m so stupid.”

Sharon was appalled. “Emily Elizabeth!”

“I am…” she shrugged. “Here I am feeling jealous of two newborns, when I should be celebrating.”

“Your father and I have given you every reason to have feelings.  I only wish you’d talked to me sooner.”

“I don’t want you including yourself in that mess, Mom.”

“I get it. However, the fact of the matter is that I am more than involved.  It’s not as if you and your brother asked to be born.” Sharon stood rigidly straight. “Still there is nothing I would change, because the two of you have always been my reason for living.”

“And you’ve always made sure we knew that.” Ricky smiled.

“He’s right, you have.” Emily hugged Sharon again. “Now, please forgive me.”

“Nothing to forgive, my girl.”

After all the emotion, Brenda chuckled, regretting it as the expression tugged at her stitches. But the look on her soon-to-be stepson’s face was priceless.

“What’s so funny?” Sharon spoke as she stepped back.

“Em, you ready to change a diaper?” Ricky interjected.

The young brunette didn’t like the look on her brother’s face. “Yes. Why?”

“Because your little sister just unashamedly blew up the one she’s wearing…” he held the tiny girl out in front of him.

“I got this.” 

Emily took the baby and settled her on the foot of Brenda’s bed.  Delicately unwrapping her swaddle, she pulled back the velcro of her diaper and promptly gagged.

“Oh my…”

Instantly the room broke out in quiet laughter. But Emily forged on.  

“Good grief…” Emily swallowed another heave as she wrapped up the offending item. “How can breastmilk make such a stink?”

With half-lidded, clearly sleepy eyes, Penelope smiled. Her older sister was already wrapped by her sheer presence, but that tiny grin erased any misgivings. Emily leaned down and kissed her baby sister, then whispered in her ear.

“I’m gonna remind you of that at your graduation little girl.”

Brenda and Sharon gazed at one another, overwhelming feelings of love and completeness filling their souls.  Then their expressions morphed, both thinking of the news to come down the road.

**

After Ricky and Emily left the hospital in favor of good curry and craft beer, both sets of grandparents appeared simultaneously.  Ruckus was an understatement for the melee that ensued with four people over the age of seventy all in one room, but fortunately, the babies were a good distraction.  Willie Rae and Sharon’s mother Betsy quickly had their arms full of infants, while Clay and Patrick O’Dwyer huddled in a corner talking about anything else.

“Oh look at his big green eyes!” Willie Rae almost howled.

The baby boy startled, but the experienced mom calmed him instantly.

“I’m sorry, little one… Shhh…”

“He got those from my baby girl,” Betsy spoke proudly, still looking down at her granddaughter. “And she has Brenda’s eyes.” 

“She does?”

“Yes!”

Penelope whined this time, and the two grandmothers smiled proudly.

“Don’t you want to know their names?” Brenda spoke over both of them.

“Oh, yes…”

“Dad?” Sharon tried to draw the men from their conversation.

When there was no response, Brenda took a shot, hoping not to terrorize her children. “Daddy!”

Snuggled happily, the twins didn’t flinch, but Clay turned like he’d suddenly been slapped. “What?”

Sharon’s father followed suit.

“Do you want to meet your grandchildren? Maybe even know their names?”

“Uh, uh, of course, pumpkin.” Clay moved next to his wife and looked down at his newest grandson.

“He’s a handsome fella.”

Patrick O’Dwyer sidled up next to his wife. “And this beauty…She’s perfect.”

“Thank you…”

Before Brenda could finish her clearly strained sarcastic statement, Sharon grabbed one of her hands.

“This,” the brunette pointed to her son. “Is Christian Alexander.”

Clay spoke first. “A strong name for a strong boy.”

Brenda had to laugh at that.

“And this,” Sharon let go of Brenda’s hand and tucked herself next to her future mother-in-law. “This is Penelope Rae.”

“Oh…” tears welled in Willie Rae’s eyes and she left Sharon to stand next to Betsy. “The Rae is for me?”

“Yes, Mama…” Brenda tilted her head, gazing at the only woman she loved more than Sharon.

“My heavens, Brenda Leigh…”

“I’m sorry I made you wait so long.”

“Don’t you dare,” Willie Rae’s eyes snapped to her daughter’s, then slowly peeled over to Sharon. “All it took was the right person.”

Sharon didn’t hide her tears, but in an instant, the whole room was filled with laughter. Clay took it upon himself to keep the emotion but lighten the mood.

“So how long do we have to wait for you two girls to be married already?”

If he only knew the pre-determined destiny he was summoning.

**

Once again in the wee hours of the morning, Brenda and Sharon were alone with their new routine.  After Brenda fed Christian, and Sharon gave a bottle of breastmilk to Penelope, the two women switched babies and cradled them to sleep.  When Brenda began to nod off, Sharon stood and tucked their girl into the bassinet with her neon light, then took their son and snuggled him next to his sister. Unfortunately, upon her arms being emptied, the younger woman was fully awake.

“Go back to sleep, honey.”

“It’s okay, I was just dozing anyway.”

“You don’t have to lie.”

Brenda twisted her features. “I’m not.”

“I’ve given birth too, you know.”

“I know.” Brenda tilted her head mockingly.

Sharon grinned. “Anyway, since you’re so awake, there is something on my mind.”

“Oh yeah, what’s that?”

“I agreed to marry you earlier.”

“Yeah…you don’t regret it, do you?”

“Oh goodness no, but…”

The blonde wanted to panic. “But, what?”

“What if we did it now?”

“Now?” Brenda let her confusion show. “What do you…”

“Never mind…”

“Hold on…” The younger woman reached out, asking her lover to come closer.  When she did, she kissed her deeply. “I’m not opposed at all, but is there a rush?”

“Listen to me, honey.” Sharon sat on the edge of the bed and took a small hand in hers. “The legal union we can have later, but…I don’t want to take our babies home without being your wife.”

“Baby…”

“Silly, I know.”  Sharon waved her off.

“No, it’s not.”

“Seriously?”

“I just gave birth to your children. Why would I lie?”

“Okay, okay. So, what if I went and found the hospital chaplain and we got married today? I mean, we’ll have to get the license later, and you know, invite our family and…”

Brenda cut off her rambling, pulling Sharon down into another bruising kiss. “Let’s do it.” 

“Really?”

“I should have asked you ages ago.”

The brunette smiled widely. “You’ll be okay with the babies for a bit?”

“Of course.”

“Okay then. I’ll be back in a few.”

Stepping outside of the hospital room for the first time in longer than she could remember, Sharon aimed her focus on one thing.  After briefly speaking with the charge nurse, she found herself down one floor, in a space whose peace she hadn’t realized she’d needed.  Stepping into the chapel, Sharon crossed herself and then aimed for the kneeling benches just below the pulpit. She was just about to recite the Lord’s Prayer when a woman around her age wearing clerical garb appeared.

“Morning.”

“Pastor, Good Morning.” 

The woman held out a hand encouraging Sharon to stand. “I certainly hope it’s a good one, what brings you here at this hour?”

“Someone I love.” Sharon smiled, hoping to signal good news versus bad.

“Well, that sounds promising. What can I do for you?”

No time was wasted. “I assume you’re ordained.”

“You would assume correctly.”

“Then…well,” Sharon was floundering.

“It’s okay child, speak your truth.”

“My fiancée and I long to be married.”

“I don’t get that request much around here. Am I to assume there’s a rush?”

“Not so much of a rush, but…”

“Tell me.”

“Well…” Sharon sat out of exhaustion, but looked up, pleading. “She and I have been through so much at the hands of our ex-husbands.”

“Understandable, continue.” The pastor sat down next to her.

“By some miracle, I can only attribute to God, we found each other.  We were clearly meant to be, and now among that grace, we have a beautiful set of twins.”

“So that’s why you’re here in the hospital?”

“Yes,” Sharon grinned. “They’re barely a day old, but such a blessing.”

“All babies are.”

“That’s true, but I’m certain if you saw these two, you’d understand where I’m coming from.”

The pastor smiled widely. “I have no doubt. Now, back to you and your fiancée.  Why suddenly do you need to be married?”

“As I mentioned, our exes. Mine was an absent husband and father from the start. I tried my best to uphold our union in the eyes of the Catholic Church, but his drinking and gambling always took precedence. Spent twenty years separated before I finally divorced him.”

“Wow.”

“As for my future wife, she’s always assumed she was the problem in her relationships.”

“Relationships?”

“Married twice. Divorced twice.”

“Oh my…”

“I know, and those failures and our work led us to one another.”

“You work together?”

“In a manner of speaking. Both cops, different divisions.”

“Ah, LAPD?”

“That’s right.”

“Got it, continue.” The pastor sat back, intrigued.

“Oh, uh…her second husband, now ex, raped her and got her pregnant in the process.”

“Heavens…”

Sharon let her eyes fall to the red carpet. “Yeah…”

“Is that when you found one another?”

“No…we’d been seeing each other for a while before that.”

“Extramarital affair?”

“I won’t call it that when you experienced what we did.”

“How so?”

“Brenda, that’s my girl, and I had been alone for a long time.”

“And?”

“And in the interim, mostly through our work, we discovered each other’s company.”

“What did that do for you?”

“To be frank, it was all comforting at first—two high-ranking female officers in the LAPD. But the more time we spent together the more we discovered what we’d been missing. And I won’t lie, it wasn’t long before the temptation of the flesh pulled us both in.”

“So what about your husbands?”

“Mine has lived in Nevada for most of our twenty-year separation. Hers was a fighter, but ultimately resorted to rape to get what he wanted.”

“And how did you respond to that?”

“With tears mostly. Affection and a myriad of other feelings Brenda wasn’t ready for followed. Yet at the very bottom line, she and I are cops, so we both knew he had to be punished.”

“And how did that work out?”

“Well…he turned himself in, got a sentence he deserved, and signed the papers to free Brenda from his grip.”

“Sounds like a blessing.”

“It was, but nothing comes without fear of consequence.”

“I have to assume you’re going to explain?”

“The pregnancy that resulted from his assault ended in a traumatic miscarriage, and even though Brenda had never really given a second thought to having a baby, she realized then what she wanted.”

“So you decided to grant that wish for her?”

“Only after she asked me,” Sharon looked down at the floor. “I had my babies, and I never thought about more, but…”

“You couldn’t help it with someone you’d come to love, huh?”

“No. Oh my goodness… not for a second.”

“That’s exactly how you know what is real.”

Sharon finally let the tears she’d been holding back stream down her rosy cheeks. “I know, but it took a lot of adjustment.”

“As I’m sure it did for your partner too.”

“Yes.”

The pastor grinned and stood offering a hand to Sharon. “Then what do you say I come by this afternoon, once I’m sure you all have had some much-needed rest, and you’ll say those vows?”

“That would be wonderful. And will the marriage be valid according to the church?”

“The Episcopalian church, absolutely. You’ll have to deal with the legal aspects later.”

“We were prepared for that, but the spiritual means so much more.”

The pastor smiled. “Alright, what’s the room number?”

“4275.” Sharon grinned.

“I’ll see you later then.”

“Thank you…” The brunette looked shy.

“Claire.” The pastor smiled. “I appreciate you sharing your story with me.”

**

The afternoon came with milestones for everyone in the soon-to-be O’Dwyer clan.  Brenda got to take her first shower since her surgery, while Christian and Penelope were dressed in their first outfits.  Sharon bounced back and forth between them, standing by to support her lover while making sure her newest children were sound asleep.  Then just as she hoped, promptly at four o’clock, Claire knocked gently at the door.

“I’m not interrupting, am I?”

“No, of course not, please come in.” Sharon waved the pastor inside. “Claire, this is Brenda. Brenda, Claire.”

The blonde easily recognized the collar around the woman’s neck, and though hesitant, reached out a hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“You too.” Claire looked down at the sleeping twins. “And I’m guessing these are the new arrivals?”

“Mmhmm,” Brenda pointed toward her babies respectively. “Penelope and Christian.”

“Oh my, they are beautiful.”

“Thank you. Thank you very much.”

“I see what you meant now, Sharon.”

“They are precious, huh?”

“They’re Perfect. So, is now a good time?”

Sharon started to speak, but Brenda beat her to it. “The time was a while ago.”

“Oh really?”

“This woman is my other half, my soulmate, Claire.”

Grinning from ear to ear, the pastor held out a hand to each woman, pulling Sharon toward the recliner where Brenda was tucked in.

“In all my years in service to the Lord, I’ve never met two people more destined to be together.”

Brenda looked up to Sharon, rich brown eyes adhered to sparkling green.  No words were spoken, but none were necessary. 

“Ok ladies…it’s moments like these that true love and the love of God are more important than ever. If you’ll take each other’s hands and repeat after me. I, Sharon, take you Brenda…”

And with that, in body and spirit, two hearts were joined in a forever that no man could ever impede upon.

Chapter Text

Brenda and Sharon’s remaining days in the hospital could have been mildly boring, if not for all the family making sure their every need and want was met.  Surprisingly, without any prompting from the new moms themselves, in-laws and older children had somehow worked out a schedule to avoid overwhelming them or the babies.  Each group would pop in, visit, and pamper for a brief spell, then kindly disappear leaving enough time for feedings and naps before the next crew showed up.

The couple was pleased that their family took their requests for solitude so seriously once they got home. Still, for Brenda, being a new mother with two grandmothers floating around was taxing.  While her Mama was on shift—her every move was questioned.

“Brenda, honey,” 

Willie Rae stood as quickly as she could and made her way to her daughter’s bed. Gently taking hold of little Christian, who had long ago abandoned his mother’s breast in favor of sleep, she clutched the baby to her chest.

“You were falling asleep.”

“Sorry.” Brenda stretched, replaced the shoulder of her nursing gown, and shifted to sit up.

“No need to apologize. I just didn’t want you to drop him.”

“Mama!” 

The exhausted blonde hollered a little too loudly and the tiny boy started to cry.  With the instinct of a seasoned parent, and paying no mind to her stitches or soreness, Brenda was out of bed and holding her child in an instant.  Willie Rae looked on, insulted and proud simultaneously, sitting quickly back in her chair.

“Don’t get upset, Sugar. Accidents happen.”

Brenda sat softly on the edge of the hospital bed, focusing completely on her son. “I didn’t mean to yell, I promise…”

“I know,” the older woman waved her off. “You never did like to be told what to do. I just wanted you to sleep, that's all.”

Taking a cleansing breath, Brenda looked up and gave her mother a teary smile. “Thank you, Mama. I’m just new at this and I want to be a good mother like you are.”

“Oh, you are, sweetheart. I didn’t think you were going to purposely hurt the baby.”

As the words left Willie Rae’s mouth, Sharon entered the room, her arms full of little Penny. 

“Is she doubting herself again?”

“Yes, but it’s my fault.”

“I’ve told her over and over, she’s a wonderful mother.”

Brenda rolled her eyes. “And I’ve told both of you, it’s too early to tell.”

“I’ll prove you wrong.” Sharon nodded at her mother-in-law to come and take Christian.  As soon as her wife’s arms were free, she settled their daughter there. “Look who has broken out of the NICU.”

“Really?” The tears that were already in Brenda’s eyes broke free.

“The doctor says her numbers are good enough to send her home, she’ll just have to use her neon light for another couple of weeks.”

“Oh, my baby girl.” 

“That means we all get set free tomorrow.”

Brenda cried earnestly hearing the news. She laid a sweet kiss on Penny’s forehead then craned her neck to point her lips toward her wife.  Sharon followed her prompting and kissed her deeply.  Watching the scene before her, Willie Rae dabbed her handkerchief at the corners of her eyes.

“My sweet girls…”

The couple broke apart, slightly red-faced, but gratified.

“Don’t mind me. I’ve just never seen my daughter this happy.” Willie Rae let her eyes fall to the ground, muttering. “Nor did I think she’d ever give me grandchildren.”

Brenda took great care to whisper her outrage this time. “Mama!”

“Ignore her,” Sharon smiled and laid a hand over her mother-in-law's arm. “Neither did I, but I’m blessed to be the one she chose to make it happen.”

“Oh, Sharon, so am I.”

**

The following afternoon, the entirety of the Johnson, O’Dwyer, and Raydor menagerie came to help Brenda and Sharon get home.  All the grandparents showed up in one rented Cadillac sedan while Ricky and Emily were driving a minivan.  Neither Sharon nor Brenda had given much thought to how they would get home (considering they’d been in the hospital a week), until their older children showed up for the last couple of visiting hours the previous evening.  Ricky reassured them by telling them they didn’t have to go it alone.  When Brenda was rolled to the curb, Sharon following closely behind, they found a brand new shiny blue Chrysler Pacifica waiting for them.

“What is this?” Sharon spoke while Brenda simply appeared confused.

Emily beamed and hugged both of her mothers. “It’s Brenda’s new mom van.”

“What?” The blonde finally found her words, or at least one of them.

Patrick sauntered over, pride puffing his chest. “Your mother, father, Betsy, and I thought that the second parking spot at your condo should be used for something other than visitors.”

“You didn’t?” Brenda's eyes were fixed on the sparkling azure paint.

Willie Rae took her place at her daughter’s side. “Wouldn’t be appropriate to carry your babies in the back of your police cruiser, now would it?”

“Mama…Daddy…” Tears were pouring down smiling cheeks, and Brenda’s eyes suddenly shifted to Sharon’s parents. “Mr. and Mrs. O’Dwyer…”

“Your Mama’s right, baby girl.” Clay stood next to Patrick, patting him on the back.

“Thank y’all. Really…”

“Mom, Dad…” Sharon hugged her folks with the arm not holding Christian, then stepped squarely in front of Willie Rae, taking a thin arm and nearly dragging her to where her husband stood. She looked at them silently for a split second, then wiped her eyes and whispered. “I thank God for you two. I hope you know that.”

“I think it’s us who should be thanking you, Sharon Ray…”

“O’Dwyer.” Betsy lovingly corrected.

“Sorry, Dear.” Willie Rae never looked away from Sharon. “I’ll remember, I promise.”

“It’s alright. Everyone at the precinct still calls me by my married name.” Sharon couldn’t help but try and stifle her laugh or at the very least disguise it.  She wanted to shout from the rooftops that she’d given her heart to Brenda. Hell, the beautiful chaos monster had owned it for a long time, but the whole group would find out in due time—when they were settled and able to make it legal.

The moment things began to feel too serious, Clay stepped toward his daughter. “Sugar, let me get you in the van. We shouldn’t keep the little ones out in this polluted air too long.”

Brenda almost cringed, but she was ready to go home.

“Look!” He waved toward the second row of captain’s seats. “Patrick and I made sure your top-of-the-line car seats were installed properly. Got some of those LA fire boys to help us, yes we did.”

“Aww, Daddy.”

“Think nothing of it, Sugar.” 

Secured in the passenger seat, Brenda let her mother take Penny from her arms.  Betsy took Christian from Sharon and signaled her towards the driver’s seat.

“We’ll get these angels buckled in.” 

“But what about my car?”

Ricky stepped in. “Emily and I have got it, Mom. Just hand over those keys.”

Sharon reached into her purse after climbing in and beginning to adjust to the roomy vehicle.  She handed the keys to her son and smiled.

“I’ll follow you, Mom.”

“Thank you, baby.”

Ricky smiled and shut her door gently.

Tearful goodbyes were said all around, Willie Rae and Betsy unable and unwilling to hide their disappointment in being separated at the hospital.  Patrick and Clay consoled their wives, relieved and reassuring they’d see their grandbabies again in due time.  As they all waved at the blue van disappearing into the distance, Clay tried his level best to ease the pain.

“Those two girls love each other, don’t they?”

Willie Rae wiped her cheeks. “Why Clay Johnson, you big ole softy.”

“I can’t help it. Did you see my grandchildren?” He scoffed.

Patrick nodded to the man beside him. “They’ll be president and vice president one day, if I do say so myself.”

“They’re babies, my dear.” Betsy only allowed Willie Rae to see her eyes roll.

“Never too early to set the bar high.”

The two older women grinned at one another, but Willie Rae spoke for both of them. “Get in the car fellas. We’ve got a reservation to make, and then you both need to sleep. We’ve got to be at the airport early.”

Clay and Patrick both mumbled under their breath, but when the ladies were both closed in the back of the Cadillac, they voiced their opinions.

“They worry too much.”

Clay concurred. “I don’t know about you, but I’m orderin’ a double bourbon when we get to that hoity toity restaurant.”

“Make that two, good sir.”

The men climbed into the front of the car, resolute in their private confessions.  That night both women would drag their slightly intoxicated husbands to bed in their respective hotels, and deal with their grumpiness begrudgingly at LAX the next morning.

**

Pulling into the condo parking garage, Sharon struggled a bit to get the large van into her usual spot.  Ricky and Emily waited and laughed watching their mom get used to the width and the rear view camera.  When she was finally square between the lines, Ricky easily swung Sharon’s silver Hyundai into the adjacent space.

The three non-healing adults were instantly out of the vehicles and all surrounding Brenda as she tried to be hardheaded. Emily made it to her first.

“Whoa there, Mom.” The words came naturally and the young copy of Sharon smiled.

“Em…” Brenda was immediately overcome. 

“Don’t cry. I didn’t offend you, did I?”

“Oh heavens no. Thank you.”

“No thanks necessary. Really, I should be thanking you.” Emily smiled and offered her hand to help Brenda stand while she pulled the handle for the rear door to open.

“Me? Why?”

“I love you, and for the first time in my life, my mother is truly happy. I never thought I’d see that. That and…” Emily paused with emotion. “Thus far you’ve been more of a parent to me than Jack Raydor.”

“Oh goodness. I love you too, Ballerina.” Brenda found her feet and happily took the arm Emily offered. “And your Mama makes me the happiest I’ve ever been.”

“And look what you did.” Emily nodded toward the babies in the back seat as Sharon and Ricky unbuckled them.

“Sharon had more than a hand in that.”

“Yes, but you did the work that brought them to life.”

“Listen to her, Honey.” Sharon smiled from the door that opened on the opposite side of the van.

“Yes, Captain.” Brenda gave a mock salute.

Finally riding the elevator up to the eleventh floor, an errant thought suddenly slammed into Sharon.

“Oh my…”

“What, baby?” Brenda looked concerned.

“I just realized we haven’t been here since…” her voice caught in her throat.

“Since Stroh attacked us.”

Sharon felt horrible that her wife, who had suffered so much at the hands of that bastard, was the one to voice the reality of the situation. Fortunately, Ricky spoke before anyone else.  As the lift dinged and stopped at their destination, he grinned.

“You don’t have to worry about that. I think you’ll be quite surprised by what you find.”

By the time his voice fell away, they were all outside the door.  Ricky slipped the key into the lock and pushed the door back for everyone to enter in front of him.  

“Welcome home.”

The midafternoon light touched every corner of the condo.  There was a faint bouquet of bleach in the air, but it was quickly overshadowed by the fresh flowers on nearly every flat surface available.  Both Sharon's and Brenda’s eyes went wide.

“What the…” Brenda stopped just beyond the bureau outside the kitchen as though she was frozen.

Emily closed the front door and spoke resolutely. “I was instructed to formally express congratulations and welcome home by both of your squads.”

“Major Crimes and FID did this?” Sharon shook herself.

“Yes.” Emily moved before them and waved a hand. “FID sent all the flowers, and Provenza, Flynn, Sanchez, and all the rest cleaned the apartment.”

“My heavens…” Brenda teared up again.

“That’s not all,” Ricky spoke happily. “I assume you want to put the twins down?”

“Well yes, but…”

“Come with me.” 

The young man moved down the hall and stood briefly outside the door to the second bedroom, waiting for everyone to catch up.  When they were all there, he took hold of the door handle.

“Brenda…after they removed any evidence of the night you went into labor, your guys thought you needed something special to bring the babies home to.” 

Ricky gently pushed the door back.  Brenda immediately held back a sob. Emily cried openly, and Sharon snuggled at her wife’s side.  Beyond the plain white door was a perfectly accessorized nursery.  Before Stroh had shown up unannounced, the couple was still in staunch negotiations about colors, furniture, and everything in between.  Now, the walls were a beautiful shade of light yellow.  There was a crib on each wall, decorated with sheets and bumpers, one in lavender and the other in a merlot shade of red.

The walls above them held machined letters made of a sturdy wood that spelled out the twins’ first names.  Each bed was adorned with a mobile—safari animals on both sides.  Between the cribs was a white, three-level changing table, stocked with diapers, wipes, and a high-tech monitor. In the corner opposite the door, sat a glider rocker with plush cushions and a side table with a giraffe lamp and a bottle warmer.

“My guys did all this?” Brenda was swiping at her cheeks so she didn’t cry on her son.

“They did,” Ricky emphasized.

Sharon stepped inside. “It’s so beautiful.”

“I think they did an exceptional job. Bunch of men and all.” Emily laughed.

Brenda followed her wife inside, spinning to gaze at every surface.  When Sharon laid Christian down in his crib, her wife did the same with Penny.  The babies naturally started to fuss, but as each mother instinctively wound their mobiles, the mewling calmed.

With the quiet, Sharon and Brenda migrated into one another’s arms.  Ricky and Emily looked on for a moment.  They could have easily been jealous, offended, or overwhelmed, but none of that came to the forefront.  The feelings they shared were all love and respect.  The two siblings had watched their mother deny herself everything for years, and to see her fulfilled meant more than they could express.  Emily was the first to snap back to reality, and she woke her brother with a backhand to his stomach.  Ricky silently grimaced, but easily took her clue.

“We should go.” He spoke, softly so as not to scare his moms or his siblings.

Brenda broke free and turned first. “I’m sorry we need this time…”

Sharon followed, a look of love aimed at her children. “You know we’re not kicking you out.”

“We know, Mom.” Emily grinned. “You two need to settle in, and Ricky and I have one last dinner planned before real life calls us back to our corners.”

“Yeah. I need another dose of decent food before my office calls again.”

“Richard William Raydor, don’t lie.” 

“I’m not lying, Mom. You’d think Palo Alto had everything, but it doesn’t.”

“If you say so, Son.”

Emily laughed. “He’s telling the truth, Mom. And I live in Manhattan. Still, the Latin food on the island doesn’t hold a candle to LA.”

“Alright, Fine.” 

The older kids filed from the nursery, heading for the front door.  Both Brenda and Sharon followed, taking glances behind at their newborns and activating the baby monitor before closing the nursery door.  Out in the living room, Sharon hugged her children, and Brenda followed suit.

“I left the keys to the car and the van on the kitchen bar.” Ricky sounded too grown for his moms liking.

“Thank you, both of you, for everything.” Brenda hobbled in front of her wife, hugging both of them. “You two better not stay away too long.”

When she stepped back, Sharon took her turn. “What she said.”

“We promise, right Em?” 

“Scouts honor.” Emily stepped back and laughed. “Oh, by the way, Lieutenant Provenza sent me a file that he said you both needed. My phone is in the car, but I’ll send it when we get downstairs.”

“Okay, Ballerina.” Brenda grinned.

Holding back tears, both women watched their children leave. And they leaned on one another. Sharon could have easily collapsed under the weight of loss, but she was sadly used to her babies being grown.  Until she looked at her wife beside her and remembered that she was at a new beginning.  

“Come on, honey. Let’s get you in bed.”

“You okay, baby?”

“I’m fine, why?”

Brenda let her face twist with sympathy. “You don’t have to hide it from me. I know you’d prefer it if they stayed.”

“I love my children, all of them, and now is our time to start with our babies.”

“Sharon,” Brenda faced her and palmed her cheeks. “They are all our children. The only difference is age.”

Pressing herself forward, Sharon kissed her wife purposefully, deeply.  

“They love you.”

“And I love them,” the blonde smiled through tears. “They’re part of you and that makes them mine.”

The women held tight to one another as they moved toward their bedroom.  Sharon helped Brenda change into pajamas, one of her favorite sets that almost fit again since the babies were on the outside, then helped her snuggle into the mattress and under the covers.  Brenda watched adoringly as her wife peeled off the sweats she’d begrudgingly worn since the previous day.

When Sharon climbed into bed beside her, they both snuggled down into their pillows.  That was the moment Brenda's phone chimed.

“Oh, that must be Emily.” 

“What in the world would Provenza think we needed so badly he’d send it to our daughter?” Sharon blinked.

With the device in her hand, Brenda opened the text message, shocked to see a preview of nothing but Rusty Beck’s face.  From the triangle over him, it was obviously a video.  She tilted the phone toward Sharon, and the brunette reached out to press play. 

“Hi, Brenda,” the background behind him looked drab and sterile like the county jail and her heart leaped in her chest. “I hope you get this…I heard the babies were born.”

When he paused, both women looked at each other, puzzled and grief-stricken.

“I just wanted you to know I’m out of the hospital. I hope you are too. The doctor says the cut on my leg will heal with time, but I’m on crutches for now.” He looked down at the medical tools beneath his arms. “My mom hasn’t shown up and since that night Captain Raydor shot the rapist-murderer guy, the cops have been watching me nonstop. I hate it.” 

Brenda and Sharon let out a sob.

“Anyway, they’re sending me back to foster care, so I hope I get to see you again.”

A small female voice rang out from somewhere off camera. “Wrap it up, Rusty. We have to go now.”

“Okay, well. Bye, Brenda.” He turned, but looked back quickly. “Oh and tell the Captain I said thanks for getting rid of that psycho.”

The video cut off abruptly.

Brenda stared up at Sharon. Sharon gazed right back.  They had two brand new babies, two adult children, and had been home from the hospital a grand total of 30 minutes.  Yet there was no question as to their next move.  Brenda beat Sharon to the punch.

“Tomorrow we'll call and find him.”

“Agreed. He doesn’t deserve to be left in limbo.”

Chapter Text

Transitioning from the hospital to the condo had not been as easy as Brenda had hoped.  She was exhausted, constantly starved from giving up what calories she could get to her babies, and her inherent stubbornness had her mind laser-focused on all of that in addition to Rusty Beck.  Thank god she had Sharon.  The older of the two was getting even less sleep than she was, but somehow she managed to still wear her usual vibrant smile.

The first twenty-four hours they’d spent at home felt like the end of an unsolved case.  As the babies finally slept peacefully, the sun peeked through the sheers on their bedroom windows. When the warmth hit her face, Brenda wanted to cry, but her partner was already on the job.  Quietly pulling the strings on the thick curtains, the room suddenly darkened, and the newest mom fell right back to sleep.

Sharon, carrying the baby monitor, moved swiftly out to the kitchen, taking two pouches of breastmilk from the freezer and transitioning them to the fridge. Making coffee a priority, she started the pot brewing and only then retrieved her cellphone.  It rang exactly once before a familiar voice hit her ears.

“Captain…I trust everything is alright at home?” Provenza somehow sounded cheerful.

“We’re doing great, thank you, Lieutenant.”

“Good. What can I do for you?”

“Rusty Beck…” She didn’t have the wherewithal to beat around the bush. “Where is he?”

Surprised, Provenza cleared his throat. “Um, well…funny you should ask…”

“Why?” 

“I’m looking at him.”

Sharon couldn’t fathom the words she was hearing. “What? I saw the video you sent to my daughter. Wasn’t he headed for foster care?”

“Yeah, about that Captain… he made it about twelve hours before he ran away. Black and white’s picked him up wandering down Sunset Boulevard.”

“You’re kidding me?”

“I wish I were, but when I heard the call over the scanner, I picked him up. He’s been with me ever since.”

“Don’t you have work to do?”

“Of course, but I couldn’t leave him in lockup.”

“I’m grateful, Louie, seriously.”

Provenza almost choked hearing her use his proper name, but he swallowed the notion and continued. “Think nothing of it.”

“Could I ask for one more favor?”

“Shoot.”

“Do you have the number for his caseworker?”

“No, but I do have her email.”

“You think you could send her a message and let her know someone is interested in taking care of the boy?”

“I’ll get Tao on that. Should I assume you’re talking about you and the Chief?”

“Yes,” Sharon for some reason held back tears. “We can’t let him disappear. And we all know the system won’t hold him.”

“Damn right. Give me a little while, Captain. I’ll be in touch.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

Provenza hung up the phone, a newfound respect taking him by surprise.  The older man laid down his handset and turned.

“Tao, follow me…Bring your portable computer.”

“Uh, it’s called a laptop…Sir.”

Provenza rolled his eyes, waving a hand with a grumble. “Potato, po-tah-toe.” 

When the Lieutenant spun and headed for the conference room, Mike looked at Buzz and Rusty, but quickly followed orders.  Filing into the space, he couldn’t imagine what was to come.

“What can I do for you, Lieutenant?”

Louie never looked back from his gaze through the blinds out into the murder room, but spoke forcefully. “I need you to send an email.”

“To whom?”

“[email protected].”

“Rusty’s caseworker?”

“Yeah…you got a problem with that?”

Mike’s hair stood on end. “No, of course not.”

“Good.”

“Should I assume the subject line should be Rusty Beck?”

“Yeah…”

“Got it. So what is the message?”

“I don’t know the exact words, but something to the effect of, Chief Johnson and Captain O’Dwyer want to take care of him.”

“You’re kidding?”

“Would I have called you in here if I were kidding, Tao?” Provenza turned, annoyance clear.

“No, Sir. You definitely would not have.”

“That’s right, now type.”

The younger man began composing the message, but whispered to himself. “They just had two babies.”

“They did, and?”

“Sorry, Sir. Just talking to myself.”

**

Less than twelve hours later, Rusty was standing in the living room of the condo, adamantly refusing to put down his backpack or even set aside his crutches to get off his injured leg.  His caseworker, Cynthia, was beside him.  Brenda and Sharon had met them at the front door, anxious.

“While we appreciate your willingness to foster Rusty, there are rules that apply here.”

Brenda stepped forward, paying no mind to her makeupless face or the baggy sweats she wore. “We know. Just tell us what we need to do.”

“He can stay here tonight, but I can’t make any promises beyond that.”

Sharon bristled at her tone.

“But, if Rusty should happen to stay with you long term, he’ll need his own room.”

“We can do that.” The words left Brenda’s mouth involuntarily.

“I don’t mean to be insensitive, but,” Cynthia unconsciously backed up. “The two of you are LAPD detectives, not to mention you just brought home two newborns. I don’t see you building any additions to this place.”

“It’s not impossible to make it work.”

“You mean to tell me you’re ready to handle a teenager alongside your babies? I mean… You just started your maternity leave.”

Brenda sucked in a ragged breath, but Sharon stepped forward before she could unload on the unsuspecting woman.

“Cynthia…I know you may not be able to imagine yourself in the same situation, but Brenda and I are more than willing and able to care for Rusty.”

“Forgive my skepticism, but he needs to heal, to start school, he needs a space of his own, and more than anything he needs an environment where he can study and sleep.”

“I’ve lived in worse,” Rusty stood on his own two feet, figuratively anyway. “It’s fine. For now.”

“Rusty…” 

“Cynthia,” he rebuffed. “They actually want me here. It has to be better than that flop house parading as a foster home you sent me to. I don’t think they’re looking for another check.”

“Fine…I’ll allow it temporarily.” Cynthia let her shoulders fall, glaring at the two women in front of her. “You both understand I could get fired for this?”

Sharon squared her shoulders, her green eyes suddenly sparking with determination. Then Captain Raydor emerged from her mouth. “No one is getting fired, and believe me, I know something about people losing their jobs. Rusty will be taken care of. Period.”

Cynthia shuttered and threw her hands up.“Okay, okay.” Then turned to Rusty. “I’ll be in touch tomorrow.”

“Hopefully they won’t be sick of me by then.”

Brenda gasped. “Rusty!”

“Trust me, Brenda. Try to live with me first before you sound so shocked.”

The curly blonde scoffed and shot her partner a sideways glance. “You should try living with me.”

Sharon actually laughed, deep and instinctively, which finally lightened the air in the room—a little.

The second Cynthia shut the door behind her, there was a very awkward silence. Until, from the baby monitor, one twin and in quick succession the other, began to cry.  Brenda moved first, hastily followed by Sharon, who took the time to look back at the young man whose blue eyes were boring into her skin.

“Make yourself comfortable. I’ll be right back.”

Watching her disappear, Rusty said nothing.  For a while, he simply stood leaning on his crutches and staring around the space he was now relegated to.  Begrudgingly he finally plopped down onto the sofa. Setting his crutches aside, Rusty peeled off his backpack and lay back against the cushions.  He wanted to be mad, but the softness of the surface beneath him erased all of that.

A few minutes later, Sharon reappeared smiling sweetly. She sat down beside the boy leaving a respectable distance between them.

“Are you okay?”

“Fine, I guess.”

“You hungry?”

The boy sat up, clearly interested. “A little.”

“What would you like?”

“A hamburger.”

Sharon pulled her cell out of her hip pocket. “Any place in particular?”

“Uh, yeah…Cassell’s. That place on Melrose. Have you ever eaten there? They have the best burgers and fries.” Rusty was trying hard to hide his excitement, but failing. “I used to splurge there when the money was good.”

“Of course. The shakes too…Ever tried them?” She fought to ignore his words.

“Chocolate malt is my favorite.”

“Alright. Done.” Sharon glanced up from her phone, grinning.

“Really?”

“Absolutely. My son taught me how to use Quick Eats.”

Rusty ignored her statement except for the one detail that sparked his interest. “Your son?”

“Yes. I have two other children in their twenties.”

“They don’t live here, right?”

Sharon laughed. “No. My daughter Emily lives in New York, and my son Ricky lives in Palo Alto.”

“How old are you anyway?”

“Excuse me?” 

“I’m sorry…” Rusty, easily panicking, scooted out of arm's reach. “I didn’t mean that like it sounded. I just…I meant…”

“It’s okay…ask your question.” 

“You’re with Brenda, and you have two babies.”

“That’s not a question.” 

“I’m just confused.”

Sharon was somehow flattered by the boy's teenage logic. “I think I should take what you're saying as a compliment.  Do I not look old enough for four children and a beautiful wife?”

“I didn’t…no. No you don’t.” He settled on focusing on the positives.

“Thank you, Rusty. I am older than Brenda, but I was not much older than you when I had my kids.”

“Wow…”

“I don’t regret it, but take my example and don’t rush to grow up.”

“I won’t. Not any more than I already have.”

“Oh, I hope not.” Sharon’s face fell slightly.

“Anyway, one more question.”

“Okay.”

“How do two women have twins?”

“Science.” 

The boy rolled his eyes—hard. “Oh, that’s all?” 

“Absolutely. My wife wanted kids, so we made it happen.”

“Okay, that’s enough.”

When the food order was confirmed, Sharon laid her phone on the coffee table and sat back, crossing her long legs and adjusting her falling ponytail.

“Can I ask you something?”

Rusty shrugged, clearly discomfited. “I guess.”

“Do you think it’ll really be that bad here?”

“I’ve been on my own for a long time…”

“I know. But could it be that awful having two people who care about you? Besides, you need supervision.”

“I lived unsupervised for months and nobody cared. I can handle myself.”

“Hey,” Sharon took a chance and laid a hand over his forearm. “I’m not doubting that.”

Rusty jerked away from her touch. “What does it matter to you?”

“Listen, Philip Stroh is still in a coma. But if he regains consciousness that means you are a material witness in a murder trial.”

“Material witness? What does that mean?”

“It means if he stands trial, you have to go to court and testify.”

“I’m not doing that and you can’t make me!”

“Oh yes…the LAPD can and will make you, so you have to be protected.”

“Protected? How is sticking me back in the system protecting me?”

Sharon was suddenly on fire. “Hey! I shot a man to save your life all while my wife was going into labor.  We just brought our children home and the only thing we could think about was making sure you didn’t disappear. What’s so hard to understand about that?”

“You don’t have to yell.”

“You think this is yelling?” She took a breath, then lowered her voice and spoke again. “Rusty…I don’t know what it will take to convince you that you are wanted here, but whatever it is, I’m willing to do it.”

“Why? Because I can help you send someone to jail?”

“Because you are a child…Forgive me—a good kid, one who deserves more than life has given him.”

“I don’t know you really, but I don’t like you. Well,” the boy swallowed hard. “Other than for you shooting that psycho. But I’d rather just deal with Brenda…please.”

“You’ll have her here too, but you have to understand she’s healing and quite literally has her hands full at the moment.”

As soon as the words left Sharon’s mouth, a sweet sound of cooing and Brenda’s soft mom voice rang from the baby monitor. There you go. Sleep little one, it’s your brother’s turn.  Rusty froze and Sharon smiled, but the boy quickly recovered.

“Just tell me one thing…who is going to look for my mother?”

“I am. I swear to you, okay?”

“As long as you promise to understand that I’m not just gonna be grateful to you for taking me in. I’m here against my will, sort of.”

Sharon had to hold back a grin at his typical adolescent pessimism. “Fine.”

**

The first few days of the five of them sharing the two-bedroom condo were perilous at best.  Rusty hadn’t exaggerated his independence and stubbornness and more than one argument had broken out between him and Sharon. Fortunately, her experience with obstinate young adults served her well.  Brenda, on the other hand, was tied up in a net of exhaustion, recovery, and new motherhood.

Her partner supported her fully and incredibly no matter what life threw at them, yet Brenda couldn’t rid herself of self-reproach.  She loved her babies more than she’d ever loved anyone, other than Sharon, but still, she was pigheaded.  

You have to heal and the twins need you. Sharon had implored more than once, but as usual, the blonde needed to feel her power wasn’t being wasted. She wanted to fix everything.  She wanted to be as perfect as her wife. Thus in true Brenda Leigh fashion, she ended up in trouble.  On a random Tuesday, she insisted that Sharon take Rusty out of the house for once.

“Baby, just because his caregivers have new children—that doesn’t mean he should be stuck in the house 24/7…”

“Honey…”

“Listen to me, Sharon Eireen. You two have been cooped up here with the twins and me long enough. Rusty needs to get out in the sunshine, and quite frankly so do you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“My favorite freckles are fading, so please, let me take care of Pen and Chris. I’ve got this, I promise.”

Sharon giggled. “I probably should be offended somewhere in there.”

“Nooooo,” Brenda rolled her eyes and pressed up on her tiptoes to peck her wife’s lips. “Please?” Then she let her bottom lip poke out.

“You’re trying to get rid of me aren’t you?” The brunette kissed her back and quickly ducked the swat she knew was coming.

“Ha ha, brat. I want Rusty to actually enjoy being here, and since I can’t do it myself, I need you to step in for me.”

“There it is…flattery at its best.”

“Oh shut up.”

“Brenda, Sharon…” Rusty poked his head in the open bedroom door from the hall. “Could both of you stop? I’m nauseous.”

Sharon started toward him out of pure concern, but Brenda grabbed her by the forearm—a knowing grin curling her lips. “Young man… go get your stuff.”

“Fine.”

“What…” Sharon started to speak, but her partner stopped her by pressing their bodies together.

“I love how much experience you have with kids, but you’re so dense sometimes…”

“How so?”

“You looked all sweet and concerned like he was actually sick.  Don’t you see that he was annoyed by our sugary lovey bickering?”

“No.”

Brenda laughed out loud, free at the moment since her babies were fast asleep in the other room.  She chuckled again and then teasingly shoved away from Sharon.

“And here I thought you were the more experienced parent.”

“I never said I knew everything.” 

“Mark that down as a win for me! I expect something rich and made of chocolate when you get back.”

“Does it count if I cover myself in cocoa?”

“That’s not fair!”

Sharon raised her eyebrows conspiratorially. “Why?” 

“Because I’m not gonna make you come until you can do the same to me!”  Brenda almost whined.

“Damn! Guess I’ll have to find a sumptuous dessert then.”

Brenda mockingly twisted her lips. “See to it that you do.” 

With that Sharon and Rusty were gone for their outing.  As they filed out of the condo, the brunette still had an eerie feeling in her gut, but she always wanted to give Brenda what she wanted.  As soon as the door closed behind them, the fiery blonde moved with a purpose. She knew there would be repercussions later, but consequences were never at the forefront of her mind.

Two hours later, quite literally to the second hand ticking over the twelve on Sharon’s watch, she and Rusty stepped back into the apartment.  Upon a first glance, she was glad nothing was on fire, yet still a feeling of dread hung around.  As soon as she heard them move through the entrance, Brenda and her bare feet pounded into the living room.  She was sweaty and uncharacteristically out of breath, but her excitement overshadowed everything.

“Hey!”

“Hey yourself…what have you been doing while we’ve been gone?” Sharon was even more concerned about how her lover looked.

“Com’ere! I have a surprise for both of you.”

Rusty set down his bag and looked at Sharon apprehensively.  He could feel the anxiety shedding from her, but he followed anyway, curiosity getting the best of him.  As they filed down the hall, Sharon noticed the unusually faint glow casting over the walls of their bedroom, but she filed it away and kept moving.  When they all reached the door to the twins’ room, Brenda stopped and turned back looking at both of them with a fierce enthusiasm.

“Rusty, I think you should go first.” She pushed the door open and stood back.

The young man eyed her warily, but easily did as she ordered.  It didn’t take but a split second before reality hit him.

“Huh? Brenda…what did you do?”

The blonde followed him inside, unceremoniously tugging Sharon by the sleeve behind her. When the three of them were all standing in the small space, it was suddenly as if the world had shifted. Beyond the door was a queen bed, a desk, and a nightstand. The walls and closet were empty in anticipation of their new occupant.

“Baby…” the word rolled from Sharon’s mouth like molasses from a spoon.

“Welcome home, Rusty.”

The young man’s eyes were wide and glassy, yet still he managed to focus them on the two women behind him. “But…but, where are the babies sleeping?”

Sharon couldn’t ignore the maturity and outright kindness of his question, but the inquiry alone made her freeze.  She shook herself, cleared her throat, and reiterated.

“This is wonderful… I can’t believe you did all this, but where are Penny and Christian?”

“Come with me.” Proudly Brenda stepped out into the hallway only pausing long enough to make sure she was being followed.  

When she stopped at the door of the master bedroom and waved an arm toward the faint light inside, both Rusty and Sharon were confused and skeptical. Crossing the threshold, both of them were amazed to find the room an immaculate combination of bedroom and nursery.  Rusty squinted his eyes from the almost fluorescent blue nightlight that shone from the corner, suddenly enamored with the two small swaddled bundles that lay sleeping in each crib.

It couldn’t have been easy for Brenda to rearrange the entire condo, yet there they were, two brand new babies sleeping peacefully. And to top it all off Rusty suddenly had his own room.  She’d told his caseworker it was possible, and he hadn’t believed a word, but he had to now. Thankfully, Sharon spoke up before he was forced to try.

“Brenda Leigh,” she choked on her own words. “Honey…”

“It wasn’t hard, baby…” Brenda smiled. “Now…did you two have fun?”

Both Rusty and Sharon were on the verge of tears.

“We did,” Rusty swiped at his eyes. “Sharon took me to the Santa Monica pier.”

“Oh, I’m so glad…”

Thinking about the babies snoozing, Sharon stepped toward the door, encouraging them both to follow suit.  When all three of them were out in the living room, she turned to her partner, utterly concerned.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Don’t be silly, I’m fine.” 

“Um, Brenda…” Rusty voiced the hesitation Sharon had been trying to hide.

“What is it, Sweetheart?”

“You’re bleeding.”

The blonde looked down at the hem of the heather gray sweatshirt she was wearing that hugged the remainder of her pregnant bump just so.  Shocked to find that the young man was right, one of her small hands flew to her belly. Sharon was only a millisecond behind.

“Are you in any pain, honey?”

“Not really…”

Sharon knew from her inflection that she was outright lying, and her heart thumped against her sternum. Still, she tried her best to stay calm.

“I’m going to call Penny.”

“I’m okay, babe.”

“You’re probably right,” trying not to panic, Sharon joined in stretching the truth. “But since we have a doctor on call, why take chances, huh?”

“Okay.”

Despite all the things he’d been through in his short life, Rusty found himself frozen.  His instinct was to be scared, mad even, but in the moment all he could think of was the two little ones in the next room.  While the adults suddenly thrust into his life hovered over a cellphone, he spontaneously migrated toward the bedroom.  With the same overwhelming blue nightlight that had blinded him previously, he suddenly found himself accustomed.  Looking over the edge of both cribs, tiny peaceful sleeping faces pointed in his direction, he somehow felt a sense of purpose and peace. Then suddenly the silence was broken—albeit gently.

“Rusty…”

Sharon eased up next to him, surprised when his blue eyes never moved from their gaze fixed on the babies.  She couldn’t blame him, the twins looked like perfect porcelain dolls. 

“Is Brenda okay?” The young man’s voice was downy soft.

“She will be. Her doctor is on her way over.”

“You have a doctor who comes to your house?”

“She’s a friend of ours. Delivered Penny and Christian here too.”

“Penny and Christian. I like those names.”

“Thank you.”

“I can’t believe she hurt herself for me.” Rusty’s voice dropped levels again.

Sharon gently wrapped an arm around his shoulder. “That’s the kind of person she is. When she loves she does it with her whole heart, and her usual lack of disregard for her own well-being.”

“Seems like you two are perfect for each other. Sharon…” he finally looked up at her. “I’m sorry I said I didn’t like you earlier.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, I say the wrong things sometimes and I hurt people when I don’t mean to.”

“That’s not unusual when you’ve been hurt so much yourself.”

Rusty tensed slightly at her statement. When he sucked in a shaking breath, Sharon’s motherly instinct took over.

“Why don’t we go check on Brenda. There will be plenty of time to talk later.”

Exhaling, he shook his head and followed her out into the hall.  A few minutes later a gentle knock came at the condo door.  Penny Warrington stepped over the threshold, bringing a radiant warmth with her. She hugged Sharon then noticed the young man in the room.

“Who’s this?” 

“Penny, this is Rusty. Rusty, this is Dr. Penelope Warrington.”

“Nice to meet you.”

He stuck out his hand to meet hers. “You too, Doctor.”

“Just Penny is fine.”

“Penny,” he let her name roll around in his head. “Same name as one of the babies.”

Her wide smile sparkled. “Yes. She happens to be named after me.” 

“Cool.”

“I think it’s pretty awesome.”

Rusty couldn’t help but smile back at the beautiful stranger.  

“Now if you’ll excuse me. I’ve got a patient and good friend to chew out.”

“On that note, I’m gonna go to my room.” He looked to Sharon who winked and nodded, then he swiftly disappeared down the hall.

Penny rounded the sofa and perched on the coffee table next to the blonde lying flat on her back. “Brenda Leigh, what were you doing moving furniture?”

“Babe, you told her?”

Sharon’s green eyes flared only just short of showing flames. “Well of course I told her. What did you want me to do, lie?”

“Well…” Brenda huffed. “Yes!”

“Girls, girls,” the redhead beamed between them. “What’s done is done. I’m here now, so let’s see the damage.”

Baring her postpartum belly, Brenda winced when the fabric rubbed against her incision.  Penny quickly donned a pair of nitrile gloves from her medical bag and went to work. Poking and prodding, she was silent for a moment.

“Well, is it bad? Do I have to go to the hospital?” Brenda was anxious.

Pressing a palm to the gentle swell, Penny looked up. “Thankfully you only tore the skin open. Your internal stitches are completely intact and I don’t see any signs of infection.”

“That’s good right?”

“No, it's not good. But it’s also not bad.”

Sharon exhaled. “So what do we need to do?”

“First of all, no more moving furniture!” 

“You don’t have to worry about that. She was only able to get away with this because she insisted I leave the house today. Certainly won’t happen again.”

“I promise, I won’t do anythin’ like this again.” Brenda actually sounded sincere.

“May I just ask,” Penny kept working on the wound. “Why were you rearranging the apartment anyway?”

“That young man you just met…he’s staying with us and he needed his own room.”

“Okay…so why couldn’t you enlist Sharon or even Rusty himself to make that happen?”

“I…” Brenda hissed as her incision was cleaned. “I just needed to feel like I was doin’ somethin’.”

“Having just given birth and now caring for two tiny humans and a whole teenager isn’t something?”

“Oh, hush Penny. You know what I mean.”

“Sharon, is she always this hardheaded? Oh wait…I spent nine months of her pregnancy trying to get her to listen. How soon I forget.”

Sharon laughed in earnest and Brenda rolled her eyes.  There was a brief silence while Penny finished her work, but soon, the literal gloves came off.

“There. I’ve got you all glued back together.”

Brenda breathed a little easier. “Thank you.” 

“Just promise me that neither Sharon nor I will have to deal with this again.”

“You know you’re as bad as her sometimes.”

“Well, any comparison to Sharon I will absolutely take as a compliment.”

“Good grief.”

The three of them laughed together before Penny stood and headed to dispose of her waste materials.  She quickly wandered back, standing next to Sharon and looking down at Brenda.

“My orders are absolutely no lifting anything heavier than a baby, got it?”

“Yes, Captain, Jr.”

“Good. I’ll come back around in a few days to check on you.”

Brenda grinned. “You will?”

“Of course I will. Now, may I see my children before I go?”

“You know you don’t have to ask.” 

Sharon took Penny’s hand. “It’s about time we woke them up for a feeding anyway. Come, help me.”

In two shakes, the women were back. Sharon proudly holding Christian and Penny fully enamored with her namesake.

“My goodness look at them,” the redhead cooed. “Babies still amaze me with how quickly they grow.”

Brenda propped herself up, baring a breast with efficiency as Sharon laid their son in her arms. She caught just the faintest hint of the doctor’s big beautiful eyes taking a peek at her chest before Christian latched on.

“I still cannot express how proud I am of you two.”

“Well, we know that if not for you, we wouldn’t be here.” Sharon stood by her side, stroking baby Penny’s chubby cheek.

“Stop it. Any doctor could have done the same.”

“Not true.” Brenda swiveled her head. “We were meant to find you.”

Penny eased the baby in her arms over to Sharon. “I just adore you, girls.”

“As we do you.” Sharon winked.

With a swift kiss to Brenda’s forehead and one on Sharon's cheek, Penny grabbed her bag. “I wish I wasn’t on rotation, but I’ve got to get back.”

“Go, save the world, deliver all the babies. And thank you for saving us from yet another hospital bill.”

“Oh, you’ll get my bill. Money may not be the payment, but I’m still charging.” 

Again the three women laughed and with that, the doctor was gone.  Sharon finally relaxed at her wife’s side, patiently waiting for the switching of their children.  Just as Christian’s tummy was full and little Penny was taking her turn, Sharon’s cell phone rang.  Her instinct was to ignore it, but something about the moment forced her hand.  Pulling the device from her pocket, she was surprised to see Provenza’s name on the screen.

“Lieutenant?”

“Captain, I’m not interrupting you, am I?” His voice sounded an odd mix of tense and excited.

“No, no. What can I do for you?”

“I just got a call from our patrol at Cedars.”

Sharon was suddenly nervous. “What’s happened?”

“Are you sitting down?” 

“Yes, yes. What is it?”

“Philip Stroh…”

Suddenly Sharon’s mind was running in thousands of different directions. She looked at Brenda, then down at the baby in her arms. What could she be about to hear? Then the words hit her ears like a dissonant refrain that in one beat resolved itself to a harmony of relief.

“He’s dead.”

She couldn’t begin to acknowledge the man on the other end of the line. Instead, an instinctive guttural sound rang from her chest. Mama bear was determined to bring peace to one of her cubs.

“Rusty!”

Chapter Text

Brenda Leigh was sitting cross-legged out on the terrace, a snoozing baby in each arm.  The LA skyline was covered in fluffy clouds; the weather was a pleasant mix of cool and breezy.  Her mind ran with thoughts of Sharon; mostly questioning why she’d had to go back to work so soon.  It hadn’t really been that soon, after four whole months. Her beautiful brunette queen had only left six hours ago, but she couldn’t help but miss her warm, comforting presence.

Looking down at her children, Brenda wasn’t prepared for how big they looked.  Penny and Christian were growing exponentially day by day—babbling incessantly, mostly to each other.  A trait clearly inherited from both of their mothers, and a joy, except during those demanded early morning feedings.  And yet, she wouldn’t change a thing.  Almost lost in her thoughts, she heard the door slide open behind her.

“Rusty, is that you?”

“Yeah, Mama.”

Brenda smiled. The young man had only just become comfortable calling her by the moniker, and it warmed her heart every time he did. Not to mention it made her proud to have quietly nudged him to inflect a bit of Southern Appalachia in his California dialect.  It only took his birth mother choosing drugs over him, meeting his biological father and finding out he was an abusive asshole, and two women he had come to know through a murderer truly loving him to make it happen.  Now he’d been officially adopted for three weeks and he seemed more adjusted than they’d ever seen him.

“How was school?”

Rusty stepped up beside her and gently took his little sister from Brenda’s right arm. “Pretty good.” He rounded the chaise and sat down at her feet.

“Learn anythin’ interesting?”

“Umm, mostly that I hate algebra…”

“Ugh, me too.” Brenda giggled.

“How was your first day without Mom?”

“Surprisingly quiet,” her face fell slightly. “I miss her.”

“I get it, but you were the one who encouraged her to take your job.”

“Thanks for reminding me.”

Rusty ignored her sass. “Have you given any more thought to the job offer you got?”

“Yes,” Brenda sighed and looked down at Christian. “And I am interested, I really am, but I’m just not ready to leave any of you yet.”

“I’m at school all day, so don’t include me.”

“I will if I want. I like being here when you get home, and besides, I think you actually enjoy being a big brother.” She nodded towards Penny in his grasp.

“I hate it, but you’re right.”

“Alright then…”

“So how long do you have to decide?”

“Andrea said there was no rush, so I’m taking her at her word.”

“Good. I’m glad.”

“Me too, honey. Me too.”

**

Two months later, Los Angeles was filled to the brim with Brenda and Sharon’s family. And extended family.  There was barely a hotel in the city that didn’t own some share of the chaos.  When the two, long ago married in body and spirit, finally told their parents they were legitimately engaged, all hell broke loose.

The timing couldn’t have been worse at first, Sharon stepping into the lead with Major Crimes and all, but they couldn’t and wouldn’t wait anymore.  And so, with just a few short weeks to make it happen, planning began.  Willie Rae Johnson and Betsy O’Dwyer immediately found themselves transplanted to the city of angels, determined to have a hand in everything.  In quick order, what was originally to be a simple ceremony on the beach was quickly becoming a spectacle.

“Honey…” Sharon sidled up next to Brenda, pressing herself to her wife’s side. “We can always tell them to hit the road. I’ll book their plane tickets right now.”

“Baby…”

“I’m serious.”

“No,” Brenda finally turned and let her glassy chestnut eyes shine as she looked at Sharon. “We’ve been married for months anyway.”

“Yeah we have…”

“So we’ll let our mothers have their way, and then life will go back to normal.”

“Sounds like a plan to me.”

“How are you so calm right now?”

Sharon wrapped Brenda tightly in her grasp then lowered her head and kissed her deeply. “Because I know in two days, you and I will be here with our babies and our teenage son, and no one will be around to critique us to death.”

Brenda sighed at the feeling of her wife’s sculpted form against her. “You promise?”

“Of course, and if that doesn’t happen, I’ll buy you an entire case of Ding-Dongs.”

Brown eyes suddenly sparkled like stars in the sky. “You will?”

“Not only that, I’ll do you one better.” Sharon kissed her again. “I’ll cover myself in them.”

“Huh…” Brenda almost choked.

“Yeah. You believe me?”

“Oh, yeessss…” 

They touched lips, slowly and deeply again, and Brenda moaned. “God yes.”

As they started to lose themselves in radiant passion, a knock came at the door.  Rusty appeared suddenly from the deep end of the hallway. Before his moms could stop him, he pulled the door back.

“Rusty! Hi!”

“Hey Penny…”

Brenda and Sharon turned when they heard the voice speaking to their son.  Two pairs of bare feet were instantly on the move.

“Penny!” Brenda’s tone morphed from the deep thrums of satisfaction she’d just been falling into, to surprise.

“Hey Mama…” the redhead stepped inside.

“Our favorite doctor…” Sharon joined. “To what do we owe the pleasure?”

“I wanted to talk to you, girls.”

Rusty grimaced. “Well, that’s my cue to leave.”

“Sorry, kid.” Penny shoved him gently and grinned. “We still up for that game of tennis Sunday?”

“Do you still want to get owned?”

“Bring it. I’m not scared.”

“You’re on.”

“I look forward to taking you to school.”

“Okaaayyy.” Rusty rolled his eyes and laughed, disappearing back to his room.

“I love that kid.” Penny let her heels click as she moved for the sofa.

“He loves you too, brat.” Brenda slinked as far out of reach as she could yet still moved for one of the armchairs.

“Brat? Ha…takes one to know one.”

“Girls!” Sharon sat too, smiling. 

“Okay, okay…I know time is precious for you two soon-to-be newlyweds.”

“So what can we do for you?”

“Nothing… I came here to do something for you.”

“How do you mean?” Sharon was suddenly concerned.

“Not a big deal, but I want to give you my wedding gift. You know, before the real mayhem begins.”

“Penelope Warrington,” Brenda lovingly chastised. “You have given us enough gifts.”

“Stop it,” the redhead said, sitting forward. “I know you too are too busy for an actual honeymoon, but I got you this…” She pressed a hand forward, holding an envelope toward the two of them.

“What’s this?” Sharon managed to make a sound first.

“Just think of it as a night of peace.”

Brenda took the offering looking up at her wife while slowly peeling it open.  Inside she found a gift card. Reading the words upon it aloud, her eyes widened.

“The Four Seasons, Beverly Hills.”

Sharon couldn’t help but jump in. “What?”

“Like I said. I know you two think you’re too busy for a honeymoon, but the least I could do was give you your wedding night.”

“You mean…” Brenda was suddenly choked up again.

“I mean exactly what it sounds like,” Penny’s smile somehow made her red hair shine brighter. “Saturday you two will be spending the night in the presidential suite.”

“But what about…” 

“I will be here with Rusty and the twins.”

Sharon found her voice. “That’s too much, Pen.”

“No, it’s the bare minimum. But I want you two to have it.”

Out of seemingly nowhere, two women were on the verge of tears.

“Penny…” Brenda, no longer shy of her emotions, spoke first. “This is…thank you.”

“You’re incredible,” Sharon added, hugging her wife to her side.

“Just promise me you’ll make the most of it.”

In a blissful chorus, both women rang out. “We will.”

**

As promised, by a multitude of people, forty-eight hours later, two hardheaded, incredibly strong and willful women found themselves standing barefoot in the sand on Zuma beach, surrounded by their friends and family.  Willie Rae and Clay, Patrick and Betsy, Rusty with the twins in a stroller decorated with pink and purple bellflowers.  Jimmy, Bobby, and Clay Jr. were there with their respective partners. Penny, Brenda’s niece Charlie, Sharon’s nephew Sebastian, and a whole horde of detectives and officers from the LAPD too.  The event was a sight, but no one had any reservations.  They were all there to celebrate the love of two people.  Two spectacular women important to them all in some way.  A couple no one expected, but at that juncture completely understood.  They were, after many trials, a match made in heaven.

Claire, their pastor and the original one to join them together, happily took the task of making their marriage legal.  Even she said, before the ceremony, that she knew the night she met Sharon in the hospital, no other union she had joined was more destined to be.  And that conviction came out in her words.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I would typically begin a ceremony such as this with a prayer and I will get there, but for this day, I must speak my mind.”

The crowd was skeptical yet clung to the edge of their seats. 

“The two women before me have suffered many trials and endured numerous tests along their journey to find themselves here. But the most challenging has been fitting into a mold that not one of the people closest to them could accept at first.  Yet now, here you all are, to witness the joining of their eternal souls.  And I pray you all understand the significance.”

The crowd hemmed and hawed accordingly.

“Sharon and Brenda are destined to one another. They are a completion to struggles that neither deserved, but endured, and in such thrived.  They have borne and fostered a family, they give of themselves to protect the innocent, and they over all, bond together to make sure that the light never dies. Let us pray…”

Claire gave an invocation for the ages, and not a Baptist or a catholic eye on the crowd was dry.  When she finished and the vows were said, no one could tear their gaze away from the two immaculate women.  A pair that had endured hardships unimaginable.  A couple that would raise three children all on their own, and set examples.  A union that no other marriage would ever match. And as Brenda and Sharon marched back down the aisle, manicured toes digging into the sand, they and everyone around them finally knew what karma and fortune amounted to.

After pictures, cocktails, hors d'oeuvres, and first dances were complete, real life began to peek through.  Penny Warrington, cranberry martini in hand, marched over to her best friends.  

“Is our plan still on?”

Brenda showed no shame. Pressing up on her tiptoes, she kissed Sharon, then pulled back to press her lips against the redhead’s cheek.

“Yes…but only if you promise to join us.”

“Really?”

Sharon lit up. “We need you. But we’ll wait until you aren’t our babysitter.”

Penny reciprocated the fire. “I want you two to have tonight, but I promise…” She gently kissed each of their cheeks. “We’ll have our time.”

Brenda pulled back, yet radiated. “You mean that?”

“More than you will ever know.”

“Perfect,” Sharon pulled both women into an embrace.

“Yes, you both are.” The redhead deeply kissed Brenda first, then Sharon. “I look forward to the stories of your night.”

“We look forward to sharing them…” Sharon almost whined.

Neither of the trio noticed nor even cared about the crowd of eyes staring at them.  There were parents, there were traditionalists, and there were police officers.  None of that mattered in reality, because the love celebrated that day was already monumental.  What truly mattered was the acceptance, the reality, and most of all, the unshakable power of the love of women. Two, three…it didn’t matter.